Yay for lonely and socially retarded San Franciscans!

You might think that it's somewhat hypocritical of me to make fun of people trying to find relationships whilst I have no relationship of my own, save me and my iPod Sookie (pics up, if you're crafty you can find them), me and my TiBook Emily, and me and my two trucks, Lorelai and 120035. I call him "35" for short...

Well, my response in a nutshell? Get Bent. There are desperate people out there (myself included, it appears), but only a fraction of those desperates post stupid things on craigslist. The non-desperates and the remainder of desperates get to laugh at these people and their posts. Sometimes, these posts are in SHoP form, for your convenience. Yay!

Oh and the fact that I'm using the word "desperate" to describe myself on Valentine's Day? Umm, yeah OK cheesedick, you need not read into that or analyze it anymore than is necessary. I'm always desperate. Even when I'm in a relationship. This is part of being a Type A personality. You haven't stumbled onto something new. Put your damn pants back on.

blue collar intellectual type - 31
Gimme a Fucking Break. Yet another Bay Aryan hippie who can't decide if she likes her men blue collar or blue state. Perhaps she's going for the whole "tortured artist who wants to follow his dream of dancing but is stuck as a welder" angle. Except she wants a dude, and not Jennifer Beals.

Do you own a baby grand piano?
I have a glockenspiel. Will that suffice? I'll let you wear the glock strap...

(Oh, and nice job kids on the cal percussion website. You have a pic of one of the glockenspiel players and a shitty picture of somebody holding and playing a glock from behind and to the side. And a glock by itself. Thanks for all the help, chickenfuckers)

Calling all Latter Day Anti-Valentines Day activists - 43
DO YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET THE 60s HIPPIE CULTURE PERMEATE SOCIETY?!? Look, I don't have a date tonight, the last time I came close was four years ago when my GF at the time left a week before valentine's day. but I'm not mad, I'm not insanely bitter. Fuck, you crazy woman, get new parts for your head! Seriously, I CAN'T AFFORD TO WASTE PERFECTLY GOOD ANTI-HIPPIE RANT-AGE ON YOU AND YOUR STUPID CRAPPOLA!

See what you made me do? I had to pull out the all-caps because you applied your stupid hippie-ness to something as harmless as valentine's. If you're mad, just go home and punch the Jesuit.

Well, if you're a guy. Then self-abuse has a somewhat angry, semi-violent undertone. Think about it, "spank the monkey" and "flog the dolphin"? But I bet your favorite is now Punch the Jesuit. Yes, male masturbation is like football. Fun until somebody gets hurt.

But for you SHoPpettes out there...


(Hmm. Really should've closed with the puppies. Everybody loves puppies.)
(On a somewhat related note, I went to the Golden Gate Kennel Club Dog Show a few weekends back. Very cool. I want to get a dog. Or even my own dog who became my sister's dog in Santa Monica. Dog show was very red statey... you could see dogs named George, Rush, Dubya. Very cool.)

* * * ! ! ! SEEKING A WINGMAN FOR PICKING UP - 35
Dude, uncool. He strikes me as the kind of guy who has no concept of personal space. Which is somewhat cool if he's a cute little irish/italian stripper wearing boyshorts (and caveat, this isn't always good. Sometimes they have doggy-breath... yuck), but he's not. He'll probably playfully touch you. Guy on guy. Which is even only marginally acceptable if you're really good friends. But some potentially lonely gay guy stuck in his closet that you met on CL or on Tio Jaime's mirror? That's not good. No sir.

Ya damn dummy, you...

Well shit, now that I'm sufficiently off-topic...

53" Sony Big Screen tv television (not working) (san jose south)
Waterlogged, eh? I don't even want to ask. Why the fuck would-- no, I don't wanna know.

OK enough blogging for now. Must e-mail people. Yes, some of them are girls. No, it's not for work.

Happy Mon-dee!
Tio Jaime, Chief Defender of the Faith