end of 1Q, Oregon 10, "University" of $poiled Cockbites NOTHING

Was only able to do the first half of last saturday's game when the boys called and made me go see this piece of crap with them. Given how the game and the movie turned out, i would've been better off staying at home and Halo-ing or accordion-ing.

And since red is an $C color and a Stanfurd color, I've opted to return to my once-favorite blue for this chat. Also, I've gone w/a green background to commemorate the first time in my recollection that I cheered on the University of Oregon Ducks.

Just this once.

Tio Jaime
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Live 3amC of the first half of #24 U of Oregon vs. #1 U$C from Autzen Stadium (24 September 2005)

You are now in chat room “Eff$C.” TheCommish has entered the chat room. TheCommish (4:18:45 PM): And Oregon draws first blood witha field goal. TheCommish (4:18:52 PM): cool shit w/the call going against $C, btw... TheCommish (4:19:07 PM): i'll poke in and out during this game, i'm working on a presentation for work TheCommish (4:32:43 PM): they scored again? TheCommish (4:32:46 PM): shit! TheCommish (4:32:50 PM): i was practicing the presentation TheCommish (4:32:54 PM): yeah take that $C!!! TheCommish (4:32:57 PM): fuck you TheCommish (4:33:00 PM): 10-0 oregon TheCommish (4:36:49 PM): 3rd & 8 you $C pigfuckers, whatcha gonna do? TheCommish (4:37:17 PM): shit TheCommish (4:37:24 PM): first down just past midfield TheCommish (4:39:04 PM): yeah fuck you that should be a flag TheCommish (4:39:39 PM): roughing the passer should be justified if it's U$C TheCommish (4:39:57 PM): 3rd & 10 TheCommish (4:40:20 PM): and they pitched it? flag on the play TheCommish (4:40:37 PM): and that tard has "619" written on his eye black.. so he's $C trash from san diego? TheCommish (4:40:45 PM): Holding, $C TheCommish (4:40:58 PM): 3rd & 15 TheCommish (4:41:00 PM): 16 TheCommish (4:41:01 PM): sorry TheCommish (4:41:29 PM): oh noes! only picked up 6 TheCommish (4:41:33 PM): gonna try a long field goal TheCommish (4:41:39 PM): shit, they're going on 4th and 10 TheCommish (4:41:55 PM): 4th and 9 from Oregon 30 TheCommish (4:42:03 PM): yeah bitch, threw it away TheCommish (4:42:23 PM): heh 12th man in Autzen TheCommish (4:42:51 PM): YEAH BITCH GO TheCommish (4:42:54 PM): shovel pass TheCommish (4:46:11 PM): oh yes double flag? TheCommish (4:46:17 PM): against the tr0jans? TheCommish (4:46:42 PM): it might n ot have been unnecessary... TheCommish (4:46:54 PM): offsides, defense. personal foul, defense TheCommish (4:46:58 PM): LOL yeah bitch TheCommish (4:50:59 PM): autzen getting loud after the missed FG TheCommish (4:53:44 PM): yeah suck on that reggie bush TheCommish (4:54:24 PM): end of 1Q, Oregon 10, "University" of $poiled Cockbites NOTHING TheCommish (5:03:34 PM): hmm, nice stop. you're still a bunch of $poiled Cockbites TheCommish (5:09:03 PM): and reggie bush drops the ball on 3rd & 6 ha ha fuck you TheCommish (5:09:05 PM): sandiego trash TheCommish (5:09:32 PM): nice job oregon defense TheCommish (5:09:49 PM): Ducks start out just outside the $C 40 TheCommish (5:10:36 PM): great a fag watching figure skating TheCommish (5:46:34 PM): $C has pulled to within 3 on that last field goal... they had a touchdown earlier TheCommish (5:46:52 PM): 7s left in the first half, ducks up over the trojuns 13-10 TheCommish (5:50:29 PM): halftime TheCommish (5:50:34 PM): i fucking hate U$C TheCommish (6:15:06 PM): aww fuck TheCommish (6:15:10 PM): ooh song girls TheCommish (6:15:15 PM): and they weren't the fat kind TheCommish has left the chat room.

It's the war on terror, stupid!

I started subscribing to the Imprimis newsletter. Oh, MAN, the things I've heard about this publication (and associated college) just make me smile!

Anyhow, was reading the current issue, and wanted to share some excerpts. Recently, a SHoP favorite, George Will, was a guest speaker at Hillsdale College.

"What I will say tonight about the war on terror draws heavily on my earlier life as a professor and student of political philosophy. A long life in journalism and around Washington, D.C., has taught me not just that ideas have consequences, but that only ideas have large and lasting consequences. We are in a war of terror being waged by people who take ideas with lethal seriousness, and we had better take our own ideas seriously as well.

I think the beginning of understanding the war is to understand what happened on 9/11. What happened was that we as a people were summoned back from a holiday from history that we had understandably taken at the end of the Cold War. History is served up to the American people with uncanny arithmetic precision. Almost exactly sixty years passed from the October 1929 collapse of the stock market to the November 1989 crumbling of the Berlin Wall-sixty years of depression, hot war, and cold war, at the end of which the American people said: "Enough, we are not interested in war anymore." The trouble is, as Trotsky once said, "You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you." And this was a war with a new kind of enemy-suicidal, and hence impossible to deter, melding modern science with a kind of religious primitivism. Furthermore, our enemy today has no return address in the way that previous adversaries, be it Nazi Germany or Stalin's Russia, had return addresses. When attacks emanated from Germany or Russia, we could respond militarily or we could put in place a structure of deterrence and containment. Not true with this new lot.

Our enemy today refutes an axiom that has governed international relations for nearly 400 years, since the Peace of Westphalia, when the nation-state system began to emerge in Europe. The axiom was that a nation could only be mortally threatened or seriously wounded by another nation-by massed armies and fleets on the seas, and an economic infrastructure to support both. This is no longer true. It is perfectly clear now that one maniac with a small vial of smallpox spores can kill millions of Americans. That is a guess, but an educated guess based on a U.S. government simulated disaster that started in an Oklahoma shopping center. Smallpox is a strange disease; it has a ten-day incubation period when no one knows they have it. We are mobile people, we fly around, we breathe each other's airplane air. The U.S. government, taking this mobility into account, estimated that in just three weeks, one million Americans in 25 states would die from one outbreak like that..."

I understand the need for government transparency, but come on...the world is GRAY (*cough*ACLU bastards*cough*)... Shoot yourself in the foot lately?

Will then goes on to talk about the need for preemption--

"...This leads us directly to the doctrine of preemption, with which there are several problems. First, we do not yet have-as it has been made painfully clear-the intelligence capacity that a doctrine of preemption really requires. The second problem with preemption is encapsulated in Colin Powell's famous "Pottery Barn principle," which Mr. Powell explained to the President before the second war with Iraq began: If you break it, you own it. Iraq is broken; we own it for the moment. And we are therefore engaged in nation building...."

Got that, Cindy, you obtuse piece of flotsam? Are you littlebrains™ getting this yet?

"...This is particularly a problem for conservatives, who understand that societies and nations are complex, organic things-not put together and taken apart like Tinker Toys. The phrase "nation building" sounds to many conservatives much the way the phrase "orchid building" would sound. An orchid is a complex, wonderful, beautiful, natural thing, but it is not something that can be built. Conservatives know it took thirty years in this country to rebuild the south Bronx. And now we have taken on a nation to build....

"...Today we are the legatees of all the giants on whose shoulders we stand. We live in circumstances our parents did not live in, or our grandparents. We live in a time in which there is no rival model to the American model for how to run a modern industrial commercial society. Socialism is gone. Fascism is gone. Al-Qaeda has no rival model about how to run a modern society. Al-Qaeda has a howl of rage against the idea of modernity. We began in 1945 an astonishingly clear social experiment: We divided the city of Berlin, the country of Germany, the continent of Europe, indeed the whole world, and we had a test. On one side was the socialist model that says that society is best run by edicts, issued from a coterie of experts from above. The American model, on the other hand, called for a maximum dispersal of decision-making and information markets allocating wealth and opportunity. The results are clear: We are here, they are not. The Soviet Union tried for 70 years to plant Marxism with bayonets in Eastern Europe. Today there are more Marxists on the Harvard faculty than there are in Eastern Europe."

Old habits die hard.

"...We must struggle today with the fact that the doctrine of preemption is necessary, and with the serious problems it entails. But what we must have overall is the confidence that our ideas are right. I grew up in Lincoln country and I am reminded that in 1859, with war clouds lowering over the country, Abraham Lincoln gave a speech at the Wisconsin State Fair. In the course of this speech, Lincoln told the story of an Eastern despot who summoned his wise men and gave them an assignment. Go away and think, he said, and come back and give me a proposition to be carved in stone to be forever in view and forever true. The wise men went away and came back some days later, and the proposition they gave to him was: "And this, too, shall pass away." Lincoln said: perhaps not. If we Americans cultivate our inner lives and our moral selves as industriously and productively as we cultivate the material world around us, he said, then perhaps we of all peoples can long endure. He was right. We have and we shall persevere, in no small measure because of the plucky brand of people, true to these ideas, such as those that have formed around the college we here celebrate tonight."

When was the last time you heard a liberal say that the US is full of good, decent people?

It's the 17 Hour Drive, Stupid! (part II)

OK excerpt from the article referenced in the previous post. Deserves not only its own box, but its own quote.

excerpt from Brown blames locals for Katrina response
Pelosi on Tuesday said Brown's testimony underscored the need for a nonpartisan independent commission investigation of the federal response to the hurricane. "Surprise, surprise, surprise. The administration sends over their crony to testify and whitewash the committee that it wasn't (the Bush administration's) fault," she told reporters.

Oh, is that so?

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Democruds: If you want America to take you seriously, consider ditching Rep. Nancy Pelosi (CUNT - CA)
It's so farfetched, HFS, it's working right now as you read this!
Are you there God? It's me, Jihad Jimmy...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:00 PM AND 5:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

You idiot woman.

You wanna see a cool magic trick? You're gonna fucking love this one. And you out there in the SHoP, watch carefully because a lot of our magic tricks here in the SHoP work with the same principles...

OK so re-read the blue box above...

... watch as your Tio Jaime copies-and-pastes...

... adds a [del] and a [/del]...

... changes the bgcolor argument to reflect a Right-leaning statement...

ABRACADABRA, YOU LEFTIST HIPPIE BASTARD HUMPS!!!

excerpt from Brown blames locals for Katrina response
Pelosi on Tuesday said Brown's testimony underscored the need for a nonpartisan independent commission investigation of the federal response to the hurricane. "Surprise, surprise, surprise. The administration sends over their crony to testify and whitewash the committee that it wasn't (the Bush administration's) fault," she told reporters.

Magic, kids. A few simple keystrokes and Nancy Pelosi (CUNT - CA) is revealed to be the typical politics-of-division democunt she is.

You wanna see it again?

Tio Jaime, Illusionist and Boy Wizard

It's the 17 Hour Drive, Stupid!

Again, with the luxury of clarity and cold-hearted objectivism that only California's lack of proximity can provide...

Brown blames locals for Katrina response

Louis Vuitton purses and Zoo trips purchased with FEMA debit cards aside, once everybody is rescued/buried/safely relocated, the issue at hand here is the Welfare Mentality. Not even the welfare state, but the whole mentality of relying on government for every facet of your survival.

Now we do need government. Like I've said before, Government should do the things and only the things we cannot efficiently do for ourselves. Police Departments, Fire Departments. Armies and navies and national security. You can't contract these things out. You can't privatize these, lest you get something out of Robocop.

The problem I have with the hurricane victims is not that they're looting or drowning or dying of thirst. Or dysentery or snakebites. The problem is that they let themselves rely on the federal government to help them in their time of need. You're pissed off at the feds for not being prepared for this shit? You should be mad at your own local and then state governments first, you simpletons. Who would be more familiar with a problem like this, some policy-making office-monkeys in DC or Louisianans like yourselves?

OK see, you're down there at "B". FEMA is up there at "A", far far away from the hurricane. About 17 hours on the interstates. Wouldn't it have been a better idea to coordinate something like this more locally?

Which does not absolve the federal government of responsibility, no. Once New Orleans and Louisiana's pitiful responses were overwhelmed, well then of course Uncle Sam has to come in and clean up everybody's mess. But still, why would you want federal government's involvement? That's a huge bureaucratic mess if nothing else. States' Rights, you wacky Red Americans, you... don't let the Californian remind you. Didn't you wacky East Coasters go to war about this about a century-and-a-half ago? right around the time my state was joining the union...

And here's my state below, along with our non-Civil Warring neighbors. No time for secession and civil war, we're too busy surfing, smoking pot, eating apples, eating potatoes, gambling, or watching Spring Training I suppose...

And why the path? Well, that's what a seventeen hour drive will buy you out here on I-5. Say you're a dog named Georgia, born around Seattle. Now you live with Tio Jaime's sister in Los Angeles. Seventeen hours away, and worlds of difference. If you were up in Seattle, would you really want to trust your well-being to Angelenos that far away?

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

---

TJ: OK, i realize that this isn't a perfect analogy, but provided that you're not a Sac State dropout who enjoys threatening people with physical violence from the safety of your internet connection, you should be able, Citizen SHoPper, to draw sufficient conclusions to aid in your enjoyment of this your SHoP.

It's the Internet Phenomenon, Stupid!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

NO ZOO FOR YOU!

Despite a week of good TV (Amazing Race premiere tonight, don't bother with the geena-davis-in-chief show, it's gonna suck), I have to watch all giants baseball, all the time. going into last night, they were 4 games behind san diego headed into a 4-game series at Petco park.

Barry grounded out to the right side each of the three times i saw him bat. Those around him managed to pick up the pace, despite leaving like 6 men on (i watched them leave 2 in scoring position total, each time the tying run). Seattle-transfer Randy Winn went 4-for-4 in an amazing night.

Giants had left runners on in scoring position in the T7 and T8, much to Tio Jaime's dismay. T9, Trevor Hoffman pitching, Giants are Grade-A fucked. But they pick up a hit by matheny, jason ellison to pinch-run. Randy Winn hits a towering flyball to the wall 400 feet away, Giles leaps up and snags it over the wall, fireworks go off and game over, San Diego 2, San Francisco 1

WTF? he dropped it? Ellison scores the tying run from first on Winn's triple. Vizquel walks, Snow singles just out of loretta's reach to right field, scoring Winn's go-ahead run from third. Barry grounds out again.

Benitez is solid in the B9, Snow tries to snag Ramon Hernandez's pop foul for the third out, but runs chinfirst into a TV camera. Vizquel fields Hernandez's grounder behind the second base bag for the third out on a play that Giants' SS of the past might've had trouble pulling off.

Giants 3 games back, 3 games to play in san diego. Tomko starting tonight. Giants magic number down to 10, with 6 to play. Fuck-You-LA number down to 3.

Games are on Fox Sports Net. Which I don't get in Oakland because I'm a cheapskate. I get FX and the Food Network, not sure how. But no giants baseball. So I was planning on going to the Zoo to watch on the 15' big screen like i did last night for that amazing 9th inning rally.

But they're closed tonight. Please to be joining your Tio Jaime at Hooters in SF for the telecast.

If you're a degenerate Excrementan (Sacramentard, if you'd prefer) who is intent on kicking my ass, there you have it. You know exactly where i'll be and exactly when I'll be there. Stop hiding like a little girl and come out and play. Any commercial break between innings or for a pitching change should be plenty of time for me to answer any burning questions you might have about the SHoP.

It's the Atrocities, Stupid!

Again, BFD.

Lynndie England guilty of Iraq abuse

So somehow laughing at somebody's genitals is a war crime but cutting somebody's head off isn't? What, do we need the decapitation of some pledge at CSU Chico before people get mad at that? Would it help if it was an arab pledge? and they flushed a Koran down the toilet first and made a Tri-Delt rub her menstrual blood on him?

Sure, you SHoPpers laugh or maybe dry heave, but wackiness aside, what's it gonna take until you realize that this Holy War being waged upon the United States isn't just some stupid scenario in your worthless sociology classes? This isn't the Zimbardo Prison experiment, this is a real-life religion looking to real-life exterminate your whiny Blue asses.



In hindsight, I pray to God that Shiraz isn't a Tri-Delt... and if she is, hopefully she has some conservative sisters who would like to interrogate me.

Yours in Atrocity,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The Dumbest Drivers You've Ever Seen, In Seattle!

As an aside, this should also be noted as what passes for news up in Puget Sound...

Woman Crashes Car Into Swimming Pool
(found courtesy attu. good site here, also NSFW so caveat)

The best part of the story? The last few sentences...

The woman only had a learner's permit, but no charges will be filed since she did not drive on a public roadway. The car was uninsured.

To recount my lovely experiences sharing the road with Seattle-ites would make an excellent blog, yes, but at the risk of sparking the First Washingtard-Califoron War? Maybe not. Starting off with the shelling of Fort Seven Feathers, and culminating at the Battle of Portland it's a Ken Burns documentary waiting to happen.

It's the Mathematical Improbabilities, Stupid!

My Giants are still only 4 games back with 7 to play, including a 4 game series with NL West "leading" San Diego. Our magic number is 12 with 7 left to play. Possible, but highly improbable. Theirs is 4. So, with two padres wins in San Diego between now and Thursday, the Friars will clinch in front of the G-men. Their magic number is 4.

What would be funny is if the Giants swept the Padres, pulling us both even going into the final series, and then we both get swept. We'd both be 77-85 and have one tiebreaker to decide who would go to the playoffs at 78-85. Heh.

If the Giants make it, I'm buying a 2005 NL West Champions t-shirt, to go along with my 2002 NL Wild Card t-shirt.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

It's the Upstaging by a Superior Product, Stupid!

Dumbass. This guy is just pissed that stores can't keep the iPod Nano on shelves, while his stupid iTunes phone seems to have shit its pants.

Motorola CEO: 'Screw the nano'

All of my Mac friends were on the verge of orgasm a few weeks ago when the nano was released. But what have we all heard about the ROKR-- only that it's teh sux0r.

Seriously, all you mac-o-phile Republicans out there, this very same anti-GOP bias you see in the news is the anti-Mac one you see right now. This story is trying to spin pretty much the one negative review the nano has gotten. And it's not even a review!!! Only off-the-cuff remarks made by somebody whose shitty phone is gonna get trounced by the new iPod.

Who listens to 1,000 songs? You moron. No, people are just buying iPods so they can look like they're listening to music. Maybe if your phone hadn't been the piece of shit that couldn't make the cut not even a day after it was released, you wouldn't feel the need to be on the defensive. I read some articles the day that the nano and the ROKR were released. Some poor bastard went out and bought the phone and immediately had trouble using it w/iTunes.

I wonder now, though, did apple purposely torpedo their buddies by having them announce a sub-par product alongside the nano?

Really, I don't give a fuck either way. I'm not buying a new iPod nor an iTunes phone. I just like the ROKR commercials with the hot chick I would like to bone. You've seen the one, where this chick is listening to her ROKR as she walks along the street and her reflection dances until she starts talking on the phone?

If you haven't seen it, reconsider your TiVo habits... but that's another post for another time.

Tio Jaime
Sergeant-at-arms, SHoP MUG

It's the States' Rights, Stupid!

Nice to know that sycophantism is not only confined to the forlorn caught in hurricanes' paths, but also state governments who manage to place blame for Acts of God on federal government.

excerpt from Rita's toll, damage less than feared
Texas Gov. Rick Perry said the oil and natural gas industries had suffered a "glancing blow at worst" -- good news for U.S. consumers reeling under high gasoline prices. But he said the Lone Star State probably suffered $8 billion in damages. Perry said he expected the federal government to "pay fully the cost of this."

Now maybe as the Republican governor of Texas, sure, let's go ahead and give him the benefit of the GOP-doubt and assume that he's for smaller federal government. Let's also assume that he's just pissed that it's his state that just got hurricaned and not say CA or MA, or some other such stronghold for the Leftist jagoffs who have become the latest fad.

OK. I dig that, you're under duress. But seriously, think about the way you word these things. I gave you a red box because you're a Republican, but a blue box would've worked out just fine.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i miss horseface asian

Dual Live 3am Criticism of Grey's Anatomy, Season Two Premiere!

You are now in chat room “SoggyAndHard.” LMHBrent has entered the chat room. LMHBrent (9:46:30 PM): yo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:23 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:32 PM): the chicks outside seem to have stopped yelling for the time being JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:50 PM): the one who's cussing like a Tio Jaime has her keys back apparently LMHBrent (9:47:51 PM): i think it's more fun to watch desperate chicks JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:52 PM): shit LMHBrent (9:47:54 PM): on tee-vee JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:55 PM): wrong window LMHBrent (9:47:58 PM): damn TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:48:23 PM): hello dere LMHBrent (9:48:26 PM): oh hi TioJ (9:48:29 PM): uh oh, hold on LMHBrent (9:49:00 PM): sure TioJ (9:50:35 PM): aww the mad lesbian left TioJ (9:50:39 PM): drove away TioJ (9:50:40 PM): no bloodshed LMHBrent (9:51:10 PM): no lesblood TioJ (9:51:29 PM): no not tonight anywya TioJ (9:51:31 PM): anyway LMHBrent (9:51:35 PM): yesh LMHBrent (9:51:46 PM): patrick dempsey is married? LMHBrent (9:51:58 PM): i'm watching a grey's anatomy preview LMHBrent (9:52:09 PM): i miss horseface asian TioJ (9:52:11 PM): OK i'm gonna record tonight's show for my hot gun toting republi-neighbor TioJ (9:52:41 PM): actually, this is the new Monica/Rachel/Phoebe TioJ (9:52:56 PM): back in HS and college... how would you have ranked the three chicks on friends? TioJ (9:53:17 PM): i was the rare Phoebe/Rachel/Monica LMHBrent (9:53:27 PM): hm, rachel/phoebe/monica LMHBrent (9:53:32 PM): kinda weird i know TioJ (9:53:35 PM): oh wow, really? TioJ (9:53:43 PM): most dudes were R/M/P TioJ (9:54:06 PM): the one other dude i knew who had P first was a P/M/R LMHBrent (9:54:46 PM): yeah i know TioJ (9:54:59 PM): YES on H TioJ (9:55:14 PM): YESonH TioJ (9:55:28 PM): YESonH LMHBrent (9:55:34 PM): yesh TioJ (9:55:37 PM): YESH LMHBrent (9:57:16 PM): almost time... TioJ (9:57:55 PM): i'd ask you about the chicks on desperate housewives TioJ (9:58:02 PM): but i don't even know their character's names LMHBrent (9:58:09 PM): i don't yet know LMHBrent (9:58:14 PM): but i know the narrator is dead LMHBrent (9:58:19 PM): she has a sexy sweet voice LMHBrent (10:01:03 PM): okay LMHBrent (10:01:03 PM): time TioJ (10:01:04 PM): OK is it tim enow? LMHBrent (10:01:04 PM): ready? LMHBrent (10:01:06 PM): i hope TioJ (10:01:09 PM): LMHBrent (10:01:09 PM): it's synched LMHBrent (10:01:11 PM): "last season" LMHBrent (10:01:14 PM): "goodbye" TioJ (10:01:16 PM): derrick LMHBrent (10:01:51 PM): "i used to be a doctor i think" TioJ (10:01:53 PM): ooh yeah LMHBrent (10:01:57 PM): are we synched TioJ (10:02:04 PM): i think we are LMHBrent (10:02:07 PM): awesome LMHBrent (10:02:16 PM): "dr model" LMHBrent (10:02:18 PM): yeshhh TioJ (10:02:18 PM): which ones were Blackt0r 1, 2, and 3? LMHBrent (10:02:36 PM): i want to see black=korean baby TioJ (10:02:38 PM): YOu've Got Syphillis LMHBrent (10:02:39 PM): no abortion LMHBrent (10:02:44 PM): i missed the syphilis episode TioJ (10:03:02 PM): are we synced? LMHBrent (10:03:03 PM): "to be a good surgeion" TioJ (10:03:14 PM): cut, suture and close LMHBrent (10:03:15 PM): "cut suture and close" LMHBrent (10:03:16 PM): yeah LMHBrent (10:03:16 PM): we are TioJ (10:03:28 PM): both LMHBrent (10:03:28 PM): that bartender looks like jack black LMHBrent (10:03:31 PM): actually not really LMHBrent (10:03:32 PM): yeah LMHBrent (10:03:33 PM): nice TioJ (10:03:39 PM): yeah we're real close TioJ (10:04:09 PM): SEATTLE!!! LMHBrent (10:04:11 PM): from manhattan to seattle LMHBrent (10:04:12 PM): woo hoo LMHBrent (10:04:13 PM): it's raining TioJ (10:04:25 PM): SGH LMHBrent (10:04:32 PM): she's kinda hot LMHBrent (10:04:38 PM): in an evil way TioJ (10:04:44 PM): ooh yeah LMHBrent (10:05:14 PM): ahhaahha TioJ (10:05:14 PM): maybe they've changed the stupid intro? TioJ (10:05:23 PM): ooh hi Dr. Izzie LMHBrent (10:05:39 PM): WHERE IS THAT BAR IN SEATTLE? TioJ (10:05:41 PM): izzie/meredith/christina LMHBrent (10:05:46 PM): i'm going to go up there in a couple weeks LMHBrent (10:05:49 PM): i wanna go heheh TioJ (10:05:54 PM): shit, i forgot to start the tape LMHBrent (10:05:58 PM): record now! TioJ (10:06:03 PM): fuck it TioJ (10:06:12 PM): hopefully she taped it herself TioJ (10:06:15 PM): i win TioJ (10:06:22 PM): she also wins the horse-face contest LMHBrent (10:06:26 PM): is she drinking water? LMHBrent (10:06:28 PM): or alkyhall TioJ (10:06:31 PM): GREY'S ANATOMY LMHBrent (10:06:34 PM): opening sequence?? LMHBrent (10:06:35 PM): oh weird LMHBrent (10:06:49 PM): jackblack bartender TioJ (10:07:11 PM): raining flyby of Seattle! LMHBrent (10:07:13 PM): sandra oh-suppers LMHBrent (10:07:17 PM): yeah that was sweet LMHBrent (10:07:20 PM): love the cee gee LMHBrent (10:07:25 PM): vagina swatter? TioJ (10:08:01 PM): CG? LMHBrent (10:08:08 PM): compy grafx LMHBrent (10:08:14 PM): what's a standstill operation LMHBrent (10:08:21 PM): guest starring wendy gazelle LMHBrent (10:08:24 PM): that's a cool last name LMHBrent (10:08:42 PM): dude those asians just do anything to get ahead TioJ (10:08:46 PM): and why is o'malley acting extra womanly this episode? TioJ (10:08:50 PM): seattle rain! LMHBrent (10:08:55 PM): he's always womanly LMHBrent (10:08:59 PM): yeah it's never this hard though LMHBrent (10:09:01 PM): or at least not often LMHBrent (10:09:07 PM): she's so cute when she's angry LMHBrent (10:09:12 PM): like a rene zellewegger LMHBrent (10:09:14 PM): OH NICE LMHBrent (10:09:16 PM): omalley LMHBrent (10:09:17 PM): smooth TioJ (10:09:58 PM): i almost missed that... what's never this hard? LMHBrent (10:09:59 PM): who's that? LMHBrent (10:10:02 PM): blacktor1? TioJ (10:10:18 PM): that's blackt0r 3 LMHBrent (10:10:19 PM): what is that safety pinned LMHBrent (10:10:22 PM): is that a condom? LMHBrent (10:10:28 PM): on his top? TioJ (10:10:36 PM): wow you're soggy LMHBrent (10:10:43 PM): blown up condom LMHBrent (10:10:43 PM): hehe LMHBrent (10:10:47 PM): i don't know so i ask TioJ (10:10:52 PM): Seattle Grace! LMHBrent (10:11:07 PM): is blacktor2 chief now? TioJ (10:11:13 PM): blackt0r 2! TioJ (10:11:25 PM): acting chief, i think TioJ (10:11:38 PM): yeah, blackt0r 1 was the chick LMHBrent (10:11:40 PM): oh nice TioJ (10:11:46 PM): blackt0r 2 was this dude LMHBrent (10:11:48 PM): oh yeah blackt0r 3 is the old chief TioJ (10:12:01 PM): blackt0r 3 is the chief who faced the frat cockt0r at the end of the pilot LMHBrent (10:12:13 PM): is she angry at blackt0r 2 because he didn't use a cond0m? LMHBrent (10:12:22 PM): the one that blackt0r 3 is wearing? LMHBrent (10:12:23 PM): heheh TioJ (10:12:34 PM): blackt0r 1!!!!!!1 TioJ (10:13:00 PM): blackt0r 2!!!!!!oneone TioJ (10:13:44 PM): OK already this seems stupid TioJ (10:13:47 PM): commercial LMHBrent (10:13:48 PM): ooh this is going to be interesting LMHBrent (10:13:58 PM): all the tension LMHBrent (10:14:02 PM): i dunno what i'm going to do now TioJ (10:14:04 PM): OK one SHoPpers stupid is another SHoPpers interesting LMHBrent (10:14:09 PM): jax0r LMHBrent (10:14:24 PM): oh wait is that an approved word for 3amCing? LMHBrent (10:16:45 PM): oh so she's a doctor? LMHBrent (10:16:47 PM): and a lawyer? TioJ (10:16:48 PM): doesn't really matter TioJ (10:17:12 PM): nobody reads these LMHBrent (10:17:13 PM): that was mean TioJ (10:17:27 PM): i'd rather have the redhead than ellen pompeo TioJ (10:17:51 PM): although i suppose it depends what dr. ellen is wearing LMHBrent (10:18:00 PM): what about scrubs? TioJ (10:18:13 PM): what color? TioJ (10:18:28 PM): blackt0r 2 TioJ (10:18:33 PM): oh we missed a blackt0r 3 LMHBrent (10:19:05 PM): hahahaha LMHBrent (10:19:09 PM): i thought it would be free TioJ (10:19:49 PM): ooh dr. izzie LMHBrent (10:20:20 PM): yeah i like those victoria secret body movements LMHBrent (10:20:23 PM): i like you LMHBrent (10:20:28 PM): and your chocolate muffin baking LMHBrent (10:20:31 PM): mmmm mmmm good TioJ (10:20:34 PM): i wanna be raped by dr. izzie LMHBrent (10:21:03 PM): wtf LMHBrent (10:21:08 PM): WTFFF LMHBrent (10:21:10 PM): that didn't make sense TioJ (10:21:12 PM): giddy-up TioJ (10:21:22 PM): aww yeah blackt0r 2 LMHBrent (10:21:23 PM): that omalley guy is everywhere LMHBrent (10:21:28 PM): commercial LMHBrent (10:21:31 PM): i think we're off TioJ (10:21:39 PM): is it the cameron diaz movie? LMHBrent (10:21:42 PM): yeah LMHBrent (10:21:50 PM): "in her shoes" TioJ (10:21:58 PM): i like toni collette better than cameron diaz TioJ (10:23:57 PM): WTF? TioJ (10:24:06 PM): A or B: kate winslet or kiera knightley? TioJ (10:24:55 PM): blackt0r 3!!! TioJ (10:26:17 PM): LOL LMHBrent (10:26:23 PM): heh TioJ (10:26:52 PM): what a whore LMHBrent (10:27:00 PM): which one? TioJ (10:27:10 PM): "hey horsey-sunshine" TioJ (10:27:28 PM): oh the hot redhead LMHBrent (10:29:18 PM): yay ellen pompeo LMHBrent (10:29:19 PM): haha LMHBrent (10:29:20 PM): i'm like me TioJ (10:29:30 PM): sorry, froze up TioJ (10:29:32 PM): what's like me? LMHBrent (10:30:04 PM): it's coo TioJ (10:30:18 PM): shit, firefox almost crashed my shit LMHBrent (10:30:27 PM): oh i hate it when firefox almost crashes shit TioJ (10:31:00 PM): oh i guess i'm also burning a CD in the background too TioJ (10:31:03 PM): that's slowing shit up LMHBrent (10:31:10 PM): alia-yesh TioJ (10:31:12 PM): slowing shit down? LMHBrent (10:31:24 PM): oh that would slow some shit up and down TioJ (10:31:58 PM): mmm, sizzler LMHBrent (10:32:18 PM): right after the mb commercial? TioJ (10:32:31 PM): MB? LMHBrent (10:32:32 PM): california milk LMHBrent (10:32:34 PM): mercedes benz LMHBrent (10:32:37 PM): r-class TioJ (10:32:55 PM): i don't remember the mercedes commercial LMHBrent (10:33:02 PM): hurricane rita TioJ (10:33:02 PM): back LMHBrent (10:33:07 PM): short: hurita TioJ (10:33:28 PM): if she's a tropical Storm... Sarita TioJ (10:34:10 PM): blackt0rs 2 and 1 LMHBrent (10:34:35 PM): yesh LMHBrent (10:35:07 PM): wtf is this omalley TioJ (10:35:08 PM): blackt0r 3! LMHBrent (10:35:57 PM): so they're going to do the standstill? LMHBrent (10:36:37 PM): cool him down baby LMHBrent (10:36:42 PM): this is interesting TioJ (10:37:05 PM): oh he knew me TioJ (10:37:09 PM): blackt0r 1! LMHBrent (10:37:17 PM): yesh LMHBrent (10:37:20 PM): izzie LMHBrent (10:37:23 PM): looks tired LMHBrent (10:37:46 PM): dead loophole? TioJ (10:37:53 PM): i guess so TioJ (10:38:01 PM): dr. izzie is hot LMHBrent (10:38:06 PM): yeah she is LMHBrent (10:38:38 PM): man this is crazy shit LMHBrent (10:38:50 PM): commercial LMHBrent (10:38:52 PM): it's like 24 LMHBrent (10:38:53 PM): hahahah LMHBrent (10:38:59 PM): with the clock TioJ (10:39:10 PM): A or B: dr. izzie or KIM BAUER! LMHBrent (10:39:21 PM): hm tough question,... LMHBrent (10:39:27 PM): how about c: kiefer sutherland TioJ (10:39:34 PM): FUCK YOU BABY BOB LMHBrent (10:39:35 PM): or d: patrick depsey LMHBrent (10:39:39 PM): you don't like that kid? LMHBrent (10:39:41 PM): he's so cuuuute LMHBrent (10:39:44 PM): it unes phone LMHBrent (10:39:45 PM): yay TioJ (10:39:50 PM): ooh yeah hi hot chick in boots LMHBrent (10:39:56 PM): but no glasses LMHBrent (10:39:59 PM): so she must not be smart LMHBrent (10:40:05 PM): "hey yeah great bye" LMHBrent (10:40:12 PM): doesn't sound like she knows about differential equations TioJ (10:40:34 PM): well shit, neither do i so i'm not one to talk LMHBrent (10:40:40 PM): yay fidelity! LMHBrent (10:40:53 PM): hehehe you're different. she doesn't have an EIT LMHBrent (10:41:01 PM): and you probably look good in boots too LMHBrent (10:41:04 PM): BOOTS SUPPERS LMHBrent (10:42:03 PM): A or B: Martha stewart or Candace Bergen?a TioJ (10:44:01 PM): martha stewart LMHBrent (10:44:05 PM): seattle supperes TioJ (10:44:11 PM): blackt0r 2 LMHBrent (10:44:12 PM): ooh nice TioJ (10:45:33 PM): blackt0r3 LMHBrent (10:45:48 PM): yesh LMHBrent (10:45:54 PM): yay for interns LMHBrent (10:46:57 PM): what does 45 minutes constitute? LMHBrent (10:47:01 PM): it's just a freaking number LMHBrent (10:47:03 PM): it's not like a timed bomb TioJ (10:47:15 PM): yeah totally LMHBrent (10:47:26 PM): hehe blackt0r 3 said to blackt0r2: "you're everyone's father" LMHBrent (10:47:27 PM): heh TioJ (10:48:04 PM): wow she's a fucking horse LMHBrent (10:48:09 PM): yesh TioJ (10:48:20 PM): HORSE TioJ (10:48:26 PM): HORSE CITY LMHBrent (10:48:28 PM): hahaa TioJ (10:51:42 PM): 534++l_3 TioJ (10:52:23 PM): blackt0r 3 TioJ (10:52:25 PM): ! LMHBrent (10:52:54 PM): blackt0r3 snapping irish LMHBrent (10:52:56 PM): yesh TioJ (10:53:58 PM): WTF? i don't get it TioJ (10:54:06 PM): oh LMHBrent (10:54:14 PM): yeah weird LMHBrent (10:54:17 PM): justified TioJ (10:55:04 PM): jack3t LMHBrent (10:55:23 PM): yay for b3$+ fr!3ndz LMHBrent (10:55:44 PM): that's a better rain LMHBrent (10:55:56 PM): "the girl being screwed to get over being screwed" LMHBrent (10:56:06 PM): yay sounds like lyrics from a song LMHBrent (10:56:15 PM): oh damn LMHBrent (10:56:53 PM): i thought horse face was going to tell blackt0r 2 she was pregnant TioJ (10:57:35 PM): yeah me too LMHBrent (10:57:41 PM): wasn't itsa id in the previews? TioJ (10:57:46 PM): and oh wonderful dr. izzie is gonna start in w/the frat cockt0r LMHBrent (10:57:48 PM): oh well LMHBrent (10:59:03 PM): "i'm your person" LMHBrent (10:59:06 PM): what does that mean TioJ (10:59:08 PM): izzie/meredith/christina LMHBrent (10:59:23 PM): ooh soundtrack album LMHBrent (10:59:36 PM): wife has straight hair now LMHBrent (10:59:37 PM): hehe TioJ (10:59:41 PM): horse-face just said that meredith was "her person" as the emergency contact LMHBrent (10:59:53 PM): oh LMHBrent (10:59:54 PM): i c TioJ (11:00:00 PM): OK dude TioJ (11:00:21 PM): good tV this week, i'm sure we'll 3amC shit later TioJ (11:00:43 PM): although i could be @ the zoo a lot since giants-padres 4-game series TioJ (11:00:51 PM): giants 4 games back as of tonight LMHBrent has left the chat room. TioJ has left the chat room.

Flightplan is a huge pile of horseshit, so I guess I don't feel so bad about this spoiler...

Do not see Flightplan. You are better off spending the $9 on skittles.

A few quick observations...

1) Wouldn't that much C-4 detonated in the explosion have left a small crater in the tarmac? Never mind that Jodie Foster and her mystery daughter were shielded by some pretty sheet metal which apparently was tougher than the metal used in the fuselage.

2) You dumbfucks. She's miraculously walking away from the post-explosion plane, and the stewardesses ask, "What's she holding?" WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS SHE GONNA BE CARRYING BUT HER DAUGHTER YOU DUMB-HOLES?!?

3) Yay for political correctness. Nice job, Leftist and Elitist and allegedly-tolerant Hollywood, on playing on our modern-day fears of Arabs in airplanes. They probably were terrorists, and just pissed that the turncoat Air Marshall and stewardess got the jump on them in hijacking the plane. And the Arab at the end handing her a bag? Wow, that was both contrived and annoying.

4) What a shitty ending. You would've been better off by having Jodie Foster be the crazy one. The Forgotten was somewhat of a shitty-stretch-- hey, let's put aliens in here! But no, you didn't even put an x-files twist to it. There really was a conspiracy to kidnap her daughter because she (not the daughter) had extensive knowledge of the plane. Wonderful. Oh, and yeah of course the air marshall and stewardess and morgue director were in on killing the husband. Duh. I saw through that right when I saw the husband. You didn't see that coming? Go back to shitantics already.

My friend got up to pee during the movie, as he'd had a hefty Long Island Iced Tea beforehand. When he came back, I whispered to him, "The Air Marshall was sent back through time to protect her and to impregnate her."

We should have been so fortunate.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

It's the shitantics, Stupid!

PLACE BETS NOW!!!
How will the degenerates at shitantics twist this into their dickless attempt at rage?

Bush skips Texas to avoid hampering Rita response

A) George W. Bush doesn't care about black people!!!
B) dubya is a pussy who is running to the safety of his mountain hideway so he can drink and do cocaine off of the busty chests of black prostitutes!!!
C) BusHitler should drive his SUV fascist-mobile into the hurricane track so he can get the 180th-trimester abortion he deserves!!!
D) the bush twins are dirty whores!
E) SixTurdz watches gilmore girls and blogs about it! what a loser! i'm gonna stick my nuts on his forehead!
F) John Roberts is a religious nut! he's a nazi because he wouldn't answer questions about abortion!! his family has shitty fashion sense! his son is gay!
G) Leila is a CUNT!!!oneoneoneelevenone

BETTING ENDS!!!

Blog of Rage my fat, hairy, non-affirmative-action, filipino ass. You poser Leftists make me fucking sick. You're not even accidentally entertaining. I don't fucking know why SixHertz keeps going back to your site, so please don't ask me.

Out-LIbEralling from the Blue State Frontier,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

It's the Stupid Stanfurd Daily, Stupid!

This is getting even better. Not only does Stanfurd suck to the point of losing to UC Davis, but the Stanfurd Daily has completely ignored the loss!

Stanfurd Daily buries loss

By John Ryan Mercury News The Stanfurd Daily came back Wednesday from a three-week hiatus. As students prepared for the fall semester, they were greeted with the shocking headline: "Harris logs a win over Navy in season opener" Next to that bold headline in the paper, and the second item in the online version, was that other game. Geez, and people have the nerve to say Stanfurd students are shielded from life's harsh realities. Upset a national story We jest. But the scope of this upset, explained eloquently by our Jon Wilner in Thursday's paper, continues to grow. Thursday's Los Angeles Times carried an editorial about it -- not a sports column, either, but a piece right next to the ones on immigration reform and the Federal Reserve's response to Hurricane Katrina. Wonder who's the Davis alum on the editorial board? "No matter how tough the odds, those who want something badly enough have a chance to attain it," the Times concluded, clearly unfamiliar with the BCS. • "That was not just the worst loss in the history of Stanfurd's program, that was the worst loss in the history of anybody's program. It was possibly the greatest upset in the history of college football," Jim Rome said on ESPN. Biggest upset? Nah. That would be Oregon State, three years after Dennis Erickson left, still not being on NCAA probation. • Stanfurd ranked: The Cardinal made ESPN.com's Bottom 10. • UC-Davis ranked: In Division I-AA, still among others receiving votes, which might be the greatest indictment of the Cardinal. • Looking on the bright side, Stanfurd engineering professor Jeff Koseff thinks the Cardinal can go on to beat UCLA and Cal, "and Davis can lay claim to being the champion of the UC system."

Oh yeah, that's totally gonna happen. Need I even draw the conclusions about Stanfurd Engineering being in the shadow of Berkeley engineering? Oops, I did it again. Need I rub salt into the wound by mentioning that certain silicon valley employers view the Stanfurd Masters to be equivalent to the Berkeley Bachelors? Nice job Stanfurd, yet again. Perhaps you should have an Engineering Beat in the Stanfurd Daily?

We should have an O/U for the point spread of Big Game. You like that? Betting on the betting? I'll say Cal -36.5 as of today. Ok shit, that's confusing, especially since taking the Over means you think Cal won't win as big. Let's go with Stanfurd +36.5, does that work? Yeah, OK the over means a bigger spread.

We should run a sportsbook/racebook out of the SHoP. Then I don't need to go to bodog.com anymore.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

It's the Bay Area Sports, Stupid!

At 10 games below .500, the San Francisco Giants are still in the hunt for the NL West Championship. Following a three-game series against the Colorado Rockies, they head to Petco Park, mere minutes away from SixHertz himself, to take on the division leading Padres.

At 76-76, the Padres can clinch as early as this Sun-dee. And they don't even need to have a winning record. The Giants' magic number is down to 16, with 10 games to play. At 71-81, the only hope for a winning season is the playoffs. But really, the important thing is that we're ahead of the Dodgers. The Fuck-You-LA number is 7 (total number of SF wins and LA losses to ensure that Northern California beats the evil that is Los Angeles).

Giants starter Brett Tomko, whose loss yesterday to the Nationals broke the Giants' five-game winning streak, had the following to say...

Until we're on a plane going home on the last day of the season, we're still in it.

At this point, it is well to note the two following things: 1) the G-men's final game is at home against the D-backs, so really no need to fly anywhere Brett, and 2) dude, tomko's wife is fucking hot (NSFW link found here, and hey cool, it's a Giants blog!) While part of Tio Jaime wants to say, "Dude, Tomko, please to be sticking to the things you know best like putting runners on and giving up the long ball. And please to not be coordinating any Giants road trips in the future," the other part of me looks at his wife and thinks "YOU ARE A BADASS WHO DOESN'T HAVE A LISP LIKE A FORMER SAN FRANCISCO QUARTERBACK I COULD NAME WHO IS DATING A PLAYMATE."

[hotchick husband_record="7-15" husband_era="4.48"]

click to enlarge in new window
[/hotchick]

The #13 California Golden Bears head to Las Cruces, NM tonight to play the New Mexico State Aggies. They are 30 point favorites. Anybody wanna take Cal for a hot wing wager? We'll be at Hooters San Francisco tonight watching the game.

The Stanfurd Cardinal still suck huge UC ass. How the fuck did you lose to UC Davis? Not even Coach Tom lost to a 1-AA team during his reign of terror at Memorial Stadium. And to make it worse? Your new coach apologizes not once but twice?!? As before, since the lovely San Jose Mercury requires a login, I'll reprint the funny Stanfurd article below. Go Bears.

Stanfurd can't apologize enough for its sorry defeat

By Jon Wilner Mercury News You know it's a bad loss when the head coach publicly apologizes, as Stanfurd's Walt Harris did (twice) after Saturday's 20-17 loss to UC-Davis, a Division I-AA program that hadn't played a Pacific-10 Conference team in 65 years. But for the Cardinal's wea culpa to fit the occasion, every player should apologize to anyone who has worn a Stanfurd uniform, attended Stanfurd, lived in Palo Alto or can locate it on a map. This was much, much worse than, say, losing to San Jose State. It was not only the worst loss in school history, it was likely the worst loss in modern Pacific-10 Conference history. It might be the worst loss in NCAA history. I don't know if Penn State ever dropped one to East Stroudsburg or if Michigan got KO'd by Michigan Tech, but I doubt it. The closest might be Chaminade, an NAIA school from Hawaii, beating top-ranked, Ralph Sampson-led Virginia in December 1982 in the greatest upset in college basketball history. But Chaminade was the home team and it was the holidays and, well, it was basketball, where one hot player can change a game. Pac-10 football teams have lost to I-AA opponents before; Idaho beat Washington State five years ago. But the Vandals used to be a major college program and had close to the full complement of I-AA scholarship players (63) when they beat the Cougars. Davis is in the midst of a four-year transition from Division II to Division I. While it qualifies as a I-AA team for scheduling purposes, it's closer to D-II in terms of personnel. Two years ago, the Aggies had 17 scholarships; this year, they have a whopping 37. Stanfurd has 80-something. And unlike the best junior college teams, the Aggies aren't stocked with fleet-footed running backs and receivers who weren't eligible to play in the Pac-10 or even the WAC. Davis is a terrific school that hasn't compromised its admissions standards during the upgrade from Division II. It has a handful of elite I-AA-caliber players and fills out its roster with second-tier recruits. That helps explain why the Aggies lost at home to Portland State and New Hampshire -- and makes what transpired Saturday even more astounding: • Stanfurd did not score an offensive touchdown. (Hello, Buddy Ball.) • Davis nearly doubled Stanfurd's yardage (361 to 192). • Stanfurd's 300-pound offensive linemen could not keep Davis' 237-pounders from pressuring quarterback T.C. Ostrander. (Wasn't this supposed to be the year Stanfurd's line blossomed?) • The Aggies could have won by double-digits, but their field-goal kicker, Emmanuel Benjamin (a.k.a.: The Luckiest Man in Cow Town), missed from 32, 33 and 41 yards. "It is the worst loss I've had in my whole life," Stanfurd defensive end Julian Jenkins said. What's next for the Cardinal? It's too early to know if the humiliation will impact recruiting or fundraising. But it won't help first-year coach Walt Harris' credibility, and it makes a winning season that much tougher. All Stanfurd had to do was preserve a 17-point lead against a I-AA opponent and it would have been 2-0 with a bye this week to get healthy. A bowl bid would have been within reach. Instead, the Cardinal is 1-1 with a fragile psyche, little chance for a bowl berth and a loss for the ages. Contact Jon Wilner at jwilner@mercurynews.com or (408) 920-5716.

Again. Coach Tom. Never apologized. You're fucked come Big Game.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

It's the Incongruity, Stupid!

Umm, so from the safety of my Oakland, CA studio apartment...

Rita heads for Texas as Category 5 hurricane

OK easy enough, right? Well, perhaps this is just the California engineer in me over-analyzing things, but I was under the impression that this Rita problem shouldn't be anywhere near the chaos that was the Katrina problem.

Because there aren't any cities below sea level with levees threatening to burst, right? Wasn't that the problem, or am I missing something? This is a serious question, i'm not trying to be a smart-ass (!) right now...

tio j

It's the Tard, Stupid!

As a matter of fact, yes, I can keep naming my posts with that convention.

http://celebsoundboards.com/soundboards/ridingthebus.swf

I'm sure you've noticed by now, my post names go through fads. Name five fads in SHoP history, and I'll buy you a SHoP sticker. If I already owe you a sticker, I'll buy you a baconsteak sandwich from IB Hoagie's next game day in Berkeley...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- if you're confused, check out this link

TURN: It's the Stupid, Stupid!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

TURN: Unfunded mandate of NCLB is actually good

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

HFS, I love this shit. The best kind of humiliation is the Smackdown that misses its mark by yards and is now boomeranging back to your hapless, holier-than-thou ass.

General Honore: “You are stuck on stupid” (VIDEO)

(from The Political Teen who got this from Instapundit)

This should be a no-brainer for real life. But it also applies here in the 5#0P SHoP: Snipe from protected, strategically sound positions. And make sure your targets are unwittingly stupid.

Don't think that since you have a camera or a recorder you can get away with incompetent sniping. You'll only end up as a prime example of the idiot, LIbEral MSM.

The Gayest Shirt You've Ever Seen in AskMen.com!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

The Bluest skies you've ever seen in Seattle
(G) The Brownest Skies You've Ever Seen in Los Angeles
(Some of) The Reddest skies you've ever seen in Seattle

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Good article here, yes. But more importantly, check out the shirt that this guy is wearing in this pic embedded in the article...

Avoid Becoming Her "Friend"

If you're wearing gay-assed shirts like this, I think you have a lot more to be worried about then falling into the dreaded "Friend Zone". Please to be checking your crotch, as your taste in clothing may have rendered you as masculine as a 14-year-old high school girl who just discovered makeup.

Don't even get me started on his fabulous hair.

What the hell is wrong w/men nowadays? This pussified Bay Area male ideal is contagious. Get bent, all of you retarded metrosexuals...

Tio Jaime

There is no God. Man, that God-dude has one fucked-up sense of humor

Did you welcome Him back into your life when she left Uncle Jesse? Yes, I did too. (I took out the hardcore blasphemy. The tongue-in-cheek blasphemy remains. Read on, Citizen SHoPper...)

It was one of those Footprints moments, but when Uncle Jesse and the SI swimsuit chick got married, the one set of footprints was not because God was carrying you, but God had doubled over in laughter at his little Easter Egg gone awry.

Just when you thought God couldn't get any funnier, He tries this shit on us. Wonderful.

Rebecca Romijn Engaged to Jerry O'Connell


Uncool, God. The guy from Tomcats? At least that Allah dude would've jihadded jerry o'connell's ass by now.

Also his Bachelor brother. And all the Little Brains out there who watched (and still watch) the Bachelor and all of its retarded mutations.

So much Jihad, So little time... **sigh**

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[hotchick status="dumb"]

click to enlarge in new window
[/hotchick]

Golden Bear Nation!

Oh they are soooo fucked come Big Game...

UC Davis 20, Stanfurd 17

and this next one's a subscription-site,¹ to which I would've given you my name and password until i realized that the password is my blogger.com password. And then you wacky SHoPpers could breach the SHoP. Nice try.

Stanfurd succumbs to I-AA opponent

LOSS TO UC-DAVIS, INJURY TO EDWARDS By Darren Sabedra Mercury News Jon Grant had no doubts. The UC-Davis quarterback walked into the huddle with less than three minutes to play Saturday night, looked around Stanfurd Stadium and told his teammates, "What better stage could we be on?" He then guided the Aggies on the biggest drive in the program's history. Grant's 3-yard touchdown pass to Blaise Smith with eight seconds remaining lifted UC-Davis to a stunning 20-17 victory before a crowd of 31,250. "We were the only people who believed we could win," Grant said. On the other side, Stanfurd was in disbelief. Looking nothing like the team that defeated Navy in the season opener a week earlier, the Cardinal returned to the locker room wondering what in the world had happened. Stanfurd not only lost a game, but it also was without starting quarterback Trent Edwards for all but the first five minutes. He has an injured right (throwing) hand, and his status is unknown, Coach Walt Harris said. It wasn't as if the Cardinal took the Aggies lightly. Two years earlier, on this same field, Davis, in the midst of a transition from Division II to I-AA, came to Stanfurd and outplayed the Cardinal in a scrimmage. Stanfurd players downplayed that experience this past week, saying they treated it as merely a practice. They vowed to be much more prepared this time. But they spent the night floundering on offense and trying to not bend too much on defense. With the game on the line, the defense bent. It was Stanfurd's first loss to a non-Division I-A opponent. "It's a little embarrassing because we, I think, just didn't show up to play," linebacker Kevin Schimmelmann said. "They played better and they were the better team today. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth." For Harris, the team's new coach, it was not the home debut he had expected. The Aggies took away Stanfurd's running game (74 yards in 30 carries) and put steady pressure on the quarterback. T.C. Ostrander finished 7 of 17 passing for 108 yards. "I told people that we would be ready to play, and obviously, especially on offense, we were not," Harris said. "What could go wrong went wrong tonight, and we weren't able to overcome it." Stanfurd led 17-0 in the second quarter, thanks to two defensive touchdowns. Schimmelmann forced a fumble in the end zone and recovered to make it 10-0. Nose tackle Babatunde Oshinowo forced a fumble nine minutes later, and linebacker Michael Craven returned it 54 yards for a score. But with little offense, Stanfurd spent the rest of the game trying to hang on. Davis scored a touchdown late in the first half and one early in the second to pull to within three. The Aggies had several other chances to score, but three missed field-goal tries did not help the cause. Davis made its final opportunity count. The Aggies moved to the Stanfurd 6-yard-line when Grant fired a 19-yard pass to Tony Kays on third-and-four. Grant's second-down pass was nearly intercepted by cornerback Nick Sanchez, but the officials ruled it was not caught. Stanfurd fans disputed that call. Their displeasure intensified one play later. Grant dropped back and threw a bullet to Smith for the winning points. It was Davis' first victory over a I-A opponent in 19 years. "The emotion still hasn't hit me yet," Grant said 20 minutes after the game. When Ostrander's final, desperation heave toward the end zone fell incomplete, Davis players stormed the field and a strong contingent of Aggies fans erupted. "We just beat Stanfurd, dawg, we just beat Stanfurd," one Davis player said into his cell phone as ashen-faced Cardinal players walked out of their locker room. "We had to play Stanfurd football, how we normally play, and we gave them a lot of stuff, made a lot of mistakes," Oshinowo said. "The ball bounced their way a lot, but they played probably the best game they'll ever play." Contact Darren Sabedra at dsabedra@mercurynews.com or (408) 920-5815.

Ain't "Find and Replace" great?

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

---

1 Fuck You very much, mercury news, for not only preventing me from sending you hits, but also for using stupid quotation marks and making my life miserable

When I call you a Degenerate, man oh man do you have issues...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

And if you tilt your screen just right, you can see our hearts turning blacker and blacker...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 AM AND 10:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Or perhaps I'm being a little too hard on the little tyke.

Kanye: Mum's porn shock (discovered via gorillamask)

Whoa, I almost missed this... he was an English major?!?¹

Really, what a tard. Quick and easy solution: pull up your Big Girl panties, cut the umbilical cord already, and take a few steps by yourself in the hip-hop world or gangsta rap world or whatever the fuck it is that passes for music nowadays.

OK, I'll admit that every once in a while I'll go to Fry's Elect0rnics Electronics and pick up a periodical which isn't Mac related.² I'll even go to the zoo every once in a while.³ I've actually purchased something at one of those sex SHoPs shops, but it was for a dancer-friend who broke her shoes while on shift once. She needed a new pair and couldn't leave her club. But I've never even ordered PPV porn. And I can't even imagine how to spend $500 at a porno store. At the zoo? Maybe. But then again, me and the boys can't even ring up a measly $500 tab with Emily the waitress.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

---

1 Check out the video in the link in the PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP

2 If ever you've received a PB Book of Lingerie or a PB College Girls from me for your birthday, rest assured it was purchased at the local Fry's

3 Date with Greta this Thursday. PLACE BETS NOW!!! Will Greta the Grace-look-alike flake on your Tio Jaime? PLEASE TO END BETTING

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

At long last, the missing piece (courtesy AMF) for the Don and Mike Best of CD I've been planning to make is in hand! Here's a short clip below.

Transcript of blackdog02.mp3
Hello dere! Dis am de black dog! You may notice I am tied to a tree wid a rope! De white dog am swimmin in de pool!

This may explain a lot of what i say, both in real life and here on the SHoP. In any case, CD-ROM is here w/the one segment I've been looking for for around a year now. Hope to have a "Best of" CD by the end of the week.

goodnight, Citizen SHoPpers. Time for jimmy-sleep

tio J

I want you to take all that disgust, anger, and all of those hateful feelings welling up inside; wad them up into a ball, then SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!

That's right, you ingrates. You're bitching and bitching about Bush, and all these tax dollars that are coming your way. Meanwhile, I get stuck with the bill for your $5,000 US Government gift while your sorry ass sits in a shelter while someone else does the rebuilding.

You bitch and complain about the loss of your stuff? TOUGH, you survived. Life sometimes doesn't work out the way you want it to. You're more fortunate than someone living in Cambodia.

You bitch and moan about the loss of your job and want government help? Then here's a novel idea. How about you help your own self and turn despair into opportunity. If that's too much of a challenge, then pick up a shovel and get your ass to New Orleans. This country was built on the backs of strong men and women, and I'm sure they're turning in their graves knowing people in this country can sit on their rears, collect government checks, and be ungrateful about it.

A Confederacy of Dunces.

And I know you littlebrains™ are saying to get rid of the tax cut. Well, let me show you just how much I am taxed already:

Federal Income Tax: 28.00%
California State Tax: 9.3%
CADTE California Disability EM: 1.08%
FICA-HI (Medicare): 1.45%
FICA-OAS (Social Security): 6.20%
TOTAL: 46.03%

And here in lovely San Diego, I pay 7.75% sales taxes. That's right. 53.78% of my income off into the great abyss, with some going to illegal immigrants and welfare whores. Still bitching? Well, in the spirit of your lovely bumper stickers...

DRAFT REPUBLICANS

I give you...

TAX LIBERALS

There. I said it.

...and in other news, Cindy Sheehan, Prozac poster-woman, continues to show just how much of a lunatic she really is:

"...I don't care if a human being is black, brown, white, yellow or pink. I don't care if a human being is Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, or pagan. I don't care what flag a person salutes: if a human being is hungry, then it is up to another human being to feed him/her. George Bush needs to stop talking, admit the mistakes of his all around failed administration, pull our troops out of occupied New Orleans and Iraq, and excuse his self from power. The only way America will become more secure is if we have a new administration that cares about Americans even if they don't fall into the top two percent of the wealthiest."

Uh-huh. Yeah...Okay space lady! I love you! buh-bye!

Wonder if the news groups will pick this story up anytime soon. Probably not. *Sigh*

Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?, Part II

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Vatican's search for gays in seminaries raises alarm

OK. Perhaps I didn't make myself clear earlier. The Catholic Church is not to be a microcosm of the World as a whole. It is definitely not to be a microcosm of the United States of America. So all you heathen pigfuckers can take your notions of a liberal, touchy-feely, modernized pope and go STICK IT UP YOUR ASS.

You can take your notions of democracy and a representative republic and wipe your dicks off with them. Just because you learned a few fancy words at your community college [cough]lelandstanfurdJUNIORuniversity![/cough] doesn't mean that everything you encounter in your busy-body, holier-than-thou life has to adopt these specialized principles.

And fuck you, especially not those institutions of which you have no respect, concern, or even relevance.

You're probably the same people who want to see diversity in government appointments, if only to "accurately reflect" American society. Horseshit. So you want to appoint stupid incompetents to office too? They're a huge portion of society-- one of them is reading this right now-- but I don't think that efficiency should be sacrificed in the name of diversity.

Still not convinced that my Catholic Church is an entity not bound by government quotas or meaningless Leftist legislation? 1) Get Bent, and then 2) really, who the fuck are you to stick your nose into something that's not your business? Oh, of course. That's typical Liberal SOP.

This isn't any of your business. When you jump onto the whole Nicene Creed thing, and can recite it to me from memory, then shit we'll talk all you want between pancake breakfasts, crab feeds and bingo.

Until then, please to be sticking to the lakes and the rivers to which you are accustomed.

Dominus Vobiscum, shithead

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith