Welcome to California. Where the Indian porn is fresh, and the wild chihuahua packs roam free in the valley.

Unreal. Sounds like a potentially interesting B-movie idea.

You can't make this stuff up.

What Tio Jaime Is This?

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Public - 10:52 AM
Public - 12:49 AM
Why, yes, I do have an assload of work to do today. What's your Effing point?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Yes. I have work to do. No, it didn't take 2 minutes like i thought it would. You'll get over it.

Got this from Marla, who put me down as her answer to #22

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

---

Welcome to the winter 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, if you did not know them already.

1. What time did you get up this morning? between 530 and 630

2. Diamonds or pearls? Pearls

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Might've been Rent

4. What is your favorite TV show? The Amazing Race

5. What did you have for breakfast? breakfast?

6. What is your middle name? my mom's maiden name

7. What is your favorite food? my mom's meatloaf

8. What is your favorite chip flavor? rottencrotch. or chili cheese.

9. What is your favorite CD at the moment? 106.9 Free FM. Bite me.

10. What kind of car do you drive? M-F Ford F-150 Sat-Sun Toyota Tacoma

11. Favorite sandwich? Monte Cristo at the Cardinal Lounge

12. What characteristic do you despise? Hypocrisy, in particular people who are quick to point out your own shortcomings while ignoring the same ones in themselves.

13. Favorite item of clothing? Garter Belts on women. Wool coats on non-women. Actually wool coats on women as well. Even better, women in wool coats wearing lingerie underneath incorporating garter belts. boots would be nice too...

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? What's the question, for fuck's sake? Let's just go w/the safe answer: Vegas.

15. Favorite brand of clothing? Engineers don't have brands

16. Where would you retire to? Vegas

17. Favorite time of the day? Single-malted scotch time!

18. What was your most memorable birthday? Probably turning 20. I don't remember.

19. Where were you born? El Camino Hospital

20. Favorite sport to watch? Baseball

21. Who won't send this back to you? Everybody but LMHBrent

22. Person you expect to send it back first? LMHBrent

23. What fabric softner do you use? that shit which was on sale

24. Coke or Pepsi? coke

25. Morning person or a night owl? night owl

26. What size shoe do you wear? 10.5/11 wide

27. Do you have any pets? just my dog who isn't really even mine anymore

28. Any new and exciting news you want to share with family and friends? <excitement disposition="feigned">No not in particular!</excitement>

29. What did you want to be when you were little? a doctor. heh.

30. Favorite Drink? Scotch Rocks.

31. Favorite dessert? Raleigh's Pecan Pie

32. Favorite color? blue, maybe orange, maybe red

33. Favorite hobby? Guerilla Republican Civil Disobedience

I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE

OK. All of you naysayers who mocked my budding radio-philia? I just won the Radio Rebus on John London's Inferno, motherfuckers!!!

It was the second Radio Rebus I'd heard since they were taken off the air at KNBR waaaay back when when I was still a construction engineer driving down to the job in Santa Clara. The first one they did this morning was "Wisconsin".

For the second Radio Rebus on Free FM 106.9 KIFR, I successfully decoded "Sacramento" and won a bottle of this...

BoBo's Scrotum Polish at the Folsom Street Fair
Click to enlarge in new window

Thank you, John London, for making me the happiest engineer on the island!

Their producer got my name and address off the air, and asked which flavor of polish I wanted. "Oh shoot. I hadn't thought that far ahead. Is there an original flavor?" She chuckled. There really was and they'll be sending it to me soon at Fort Tio Jaime in the Red State Outpost in the Blue America frontier.

And then I looked up "scrotum polish" on blingo. And then I found the pic above. And then I found the BoBo's URL. And then I realized the SHoP gold I had in my hands.

And here we are. Welcome, Citizen SHoPper!

How appropriate that it was The Sac which won me scrotum polish... I wonder if they planned it that way?

I came close to winning Don and Mike's Phonescan once. Won tickets to Great America from KEZR while on the santa clara job...

Now that I've been sufficiently transformed from a field engineer to an office engineer, you'd think that this would wreak havoc on my budding radio-philia. Alas no, as Don and Mike have been streaming for a while now and I can also catch Darian O'Toole and John London from the safety of my desk.

And in the event that I'm out in the field for inspections or site visits or trips to Dublin Hooters, KHTK and KIFR each have the honorary right button on my AM and FM presets, respectively.

Please take note Citizen SHoPpers, check out 106.9! If you like the SHoP, you'll love O'Toole and especially London...

Tio Jaime

Strippers We Have Heard On High

The seal is broken, the mouth is washed, and now is the time for SHoPping!

Good selection at the Zoo tonight for $3 Wednes-dee. Greta/Katherine, Naomi, Eva to start off, and then two new additions to the shortlist-- the Lord Volde-megan lookalike and the Pittsburg(h) Amy lookalike.

And speaking of Pittsburg(h) Amy, was listening to some Don and Mike archives before I went out into the City. Old show from 1995 (was still in HS back then!) where they go to Ireland for St. Patrick's day to do a remote broadcast for Guiness. They got severely lost in the countryside and got their van stuck in the middle of nowhere with no friendly Irish-people to help them, let alone any Fighting Irish. They said it looked just like Pennsylvania. And then they started talking about the Pittsburgh-DC drive.

Just a few minutes earlier, I was talking to Pittsburg(h) Amy about that drive, as she had contemplated shopping (not SHoPping) in DC tomorrow on her day off. I think she's going to Cleveland instead?

Please take note, Citizen SHoPpers, this is all very weird for a Californian. Very rarely do we cross the state line w/o going to an airport. A major road trip in CA is usually NorCal-SoCal or vice versa. Although I suppose it can be argued that the two places are practically different states.

Fuck the Dodgers. I'm drunk and tired. But still at a nice 70WPM.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- was gonna plug some new radio shows here in the bay area which are streaming over the internet(s), but now it's just a shitty fairy-wire-kapt-kake-style non sequitur... do yourself a favor and check out Darian O'Toole and John London at 106.9 Free FM while D&M are in reruns right now

TODAY IS (also) CHRISTMAS

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

TODAY IS CHRISTMAS

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 AM AND 4:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Very tired. Hoping to go to bed soon. Am finishing wrapping gifts at my parents' house. I got them a Sony DVD player for their new 50" LCD rear projection which they got at Thanksgiving. This new DVD player has that upconverting dealie, so man oh man, I can't wait to see 24 a/o Gilmore Girls.

We went to the midnight Mass at OLOP. I sent myself a text message as a reminder for this post...

Christmas-Easter Catholics
You guys piss me off, even those close friends of mine. Well, this isn't completely true. You guys piss me off at Christmas and Easter. The rest of the year, hey, less Catholics for me to deal with in the parking lot. Go check out Ray Romano's stand-up, he mentions Christmas-Easter Catholics. Except that he's one of them.

Cute Nun
Here I go again on my own toeing the blasphemy line again. The cute nun with glasses sat a few pews in front of us. She doesn't look much more than 20.

Having to Pee
I didn't pee at all at our Christmas Eve festivities. So right after Communion, i took a detour to the bathroom. I peed for over 30 seconds straight. And then back in the pew? I didn't think it was possible, but it was in hindsight a Post Partum Pee.

That's enough information for now, I think. I warned Pittsburg(h) Amy-- I will always beat my friends to the Too Much Information point. I was only shocked twice this year. Unfortunately, I don't remember what was said that shocked me. Eh.

Hope all is well. If you're outside of California, you'll be pleased to know that my Christmas was sunny and clear, between 60 and 65 degrees today. Right after leaving midnight mass, it was calm and 57 degrees. At 1:30 in the morning.

Citizen SHoPpers, please take note: Merry Christmas!

Blessings of God be with you and your families,
Tio Jaime

Mr. President, we must not allow... a Hot Wife gap!!!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

It's the Bay Area Sports, Stupid!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

If anything this is good news for my beloved Giants...

Dodgers add Tomko to rotation

But stupid Los Angeles. In addition to a slightly-above-mediocre pitcher, they get his wife Julia...

<hotchick husband_record="8-15" husband_era="4.48">

click to enlarge in new window
</hotchick>

Looking for more pics of the LA dodgers' newest pitcher's wife? Follow the SHoP post in the recap above, and you'll find the link. search the page for "NSFW"

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Man, I'm so depressed that Cal didn't make it to the Rose Bowl. I think I should fabricate a malady so I can leave early and watch the Holiday Bowl

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

in other sporting news, the Golden Bears are taking on the BYU cougars tonight in the Las Vegas something-or-other Bowl. And I was gonna make a cool post w/pics, but suffice it to say that the little shits in band nowadays get to go to bowl games because of Jeff Tedford. A free vacation in Las Vegas. And most of those little shits can't even drink/gamble!!! WTF? Thanks much, Coach Tom. I hope we destroy Brigham Young tonight.

These little shits here...


...get a free trip here...


...because of this guy here...


...even though a lot of them aren't old enough to drink stuff like this here...


...or even play games like this here.


WTF?


Thanks for nothing, this guy here...

Whatever, dude. Can't wait for baseball season.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<update time="1534">
Coach Tom, now AD Tom says the following...

I can't really bring myself to hate Coach Tom...
"I look at this matchup as the opportunity for the Cougars to compete against a very fine Golden Bear team," said Cougars athletic director Tom Holmoe, who had a 12-43 record coaching the Bears from 1997-2001. "During the bowl festivities, I will enjoy catching up with my Cal friends, including the players, coaches, staff, boosters, alums and the Cal band."

Oh wonderful. Thanks Coach Tom. Yeah dude, all the bandsmen who saw your 12 wins (I myself saw 11 of them?) have all graduated. And in their place, entire classes of Golden Bears who are bored with the football team because "they're just gonna win again".

No shit. That was some little shits excuse for not being interested in Cal Football.
</update>

I can poke their eyes with my own hands!

Reports today from Saddam Hussein that American servicemen were torturing him. Since the LIbEral left believed his word, Gunnery Sergeant Hartman was brought in to discuss Saddam's concerns:

What is this twinkle-toe shit I hear about you saying my maggots are beating you?



Me and my homies were beaten by you filthy infidels!



You do not know what torture is! I will show you what torture is, scumbag!



You dirty dog! I hate you!



The more you hate me, the more you will learn! I am hard, but I am fair!



I will poke out your eyes with my hands!



YOU LITTLE SCUMBAG! I got your name, I GOT YOUR ASS!



TO HELL WITH YOU AND THIS COURT! I'm going back to clean my cell! Tell your staff to do a better job with my room next time and leave mints on the pillow! Unacceptable!



GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY COURTROOM AND CLEAN YOUR OWN DAMN CELL! When you're through, I want the virgin mary herself to be proud enough to go in there and take a dump!

Saddam is certainly dressed and groomed well for a man who is beaten regularly.

Ignorance is a stripper named Bliss who has the Body of a 20-year-old but the Head of a 40-year-old

If you're on the outside looking in, thank your lucky stars. And I'm talking about the post title as well as the following chat transcript

If you manage to piece this conversation together through contextual clues or your own perception or God Forbid your knowledge of Tio Jaime's track record, ding ding ding! You're now a finalist in the Citizen SHoPper Hall of Shame for 2005!

Ya pervert. Have you considered petitioning SixH for authorship, or perhaps even fulfilling your SHoP Overlord duties?

I don't know where its all coming from
10:58 PM Trosama: Greetings TioJaime: helluhhh Trosama: I have taken 3, count them 3 post partem dumps today TioJaime: wow TioJaime: you must really be depressed right now Trosama: I don't know where its all coming from Trosama: I haven't eaten that much Trosama: super depressed

I see a non sequitur headed our way right about now...

THEFUNKSOULBROTHERBOOYAH!!!

and then chenelle with both of them

TioJaime: i rubbed two out to Eva from last night TioJaime: not in succession Trosama: I will be rubbing out 3 in 50 minutes Trosama: I will need a very good line up! TioJaime: shall i provide you with a lineup? Trosama: and preferably lots of naked women (Live) around me 11:00 PM Trosama: Oh this will have to be the T line up to end all line ups Trosama: We are talking suzan etc TioJaime: 1) your mom Trosama: OK TioJaime: 2) cousin Nooneh TioJaime: and then chenelle with both of them TioJaime: OK Trosama: Please to be giving my ultimate lineup not yours! TioJaime: i like your mom, but i wouldn't put your mom in a lineup TioJaime: and actually i wouldn't put your cousin in one either Trosama: OK Trosama: please to be giving me the true lineup 11:05 PM TioJaime: OK TioJaime: sunny TioJaime: ivy Trosama: If you want me to just give you the dollar you can say so. TioJaime: that whore of a waitress Trosama: I will make my own lineup TioJaime: her whore friend TioJaime: put this on your blog Trosama: I have no way of saving the chat TioJaime: please TioJaime: allow me Trosama: ok TioJaime: i'll even format it for you Trosama: ok

OK i'll give you a hint. The dollar of which Trosama min Asi speaks is the high stakes wager between Trosama and your very own Jihad Jimmy. I'll let you figure out the terms of the wager. Let's just say that it's hardly worth a dollar.

And for all of you who I haven't scared off yet...

Are you frightened?





Yes.





Not nearly frightened enough.

Anybody left? OK good. All four of you: tell four friends about the SHoP. Preferably not your parents. Although apparently Shiraz's parents have caught wind of the Lynndie and seem to be amused.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Nothing new here.

If you know your Tio Jaime, you'll know that this quiz is, if you'll pardon the expression, tits on.

Asses Wild Raw score: 40% Big Breasts, 50% Big Ass, and 52% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, larger asses, and sexier composure than others who've taken the test. Note that because you scored small on breasts but large on ass size, it might appear you like girls bottom heavy. That's probably not the case. What's more likely is that you notice curvy, voluptuous asses, and they turn you on. Breasts are hit or miss, though, and besides, extremely large ones are just saggy and gross, in your opinion. My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sluttier look. Kudos! Recommended Celebrity: J-Lo, when she's looking extra sexy. Probably not when she's acting.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on tit-size You scored higher than 54% on ass-size You scored higher than 29% on cuteness

Link: The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test written by chicken_pot_pie on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I've added something to the quiz. Take it and find out what the difference is. it shouldn't be too hard.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Fortune favors the bold... and those who wait for booking Vicetivus VI tickets with Click 'n Save Internet Specials.

Thank god for Southwest.

See what happens when we venture outside of the California Republic?

Hilarity ensues. Rivalled only by our insensitivity. (more SHoP Overlord & one Overlady insensitivity here and here and here and here)

In a rare display of non-California-centrism, the SHoP would like to salute the MTA workers on strike in New York City!

"right lets give em a raise"

Courtesy this CL post, courtesy a comment on this post left at 11:20am, courtesy Wizbang! Do the right thing: flag that CL post as "best of". Maybe I should consider backing up those pics... and the post.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="0956" SHoP_overlord_disposition_01="kind" SHoP_overlord_disposition_02="benevolent">
rhothetaphi.org mirror here. See how much I love you Citizen SHoPpers? (even Jermaine St. Pierre II, but not in the Brokeback-Mountain-style which Fairy Wire & Kapt. Buk Kake are fantasizing about.)
</update>

I left my stomped on a Bleeding Heart / In San Francisco

Went to dinner in the City w/SF native Trosama min Asi last night, at some renowned hole-in-the-wall italian place somewhere between the Richmond and the Sunset. Good cioppino.

And shit, now I think I have to fill space so the jpg aligned to the "right" doesn't run into my lightsalmon bgcolored table.

The cioppino was very good and had fresh crab legs. Came at a price, however. And this is why I'm eating at Jack-in-the-Box this week.

Another cioppino sidenote: the last time I had cioppino was with Lord Voldemegan on Fisherman's Wharf, right across the street from where Hooters is now. Have I made it yet? This is how shittily I thought this through. I have to fill space with Lord Voldemegan.

My friends are getting better and better at referring to her as "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" or "You-Know-Who". Heh. Except for Trosama min Asi, who has neither read the books nor seen the movies.

Anyway, after sun-dee's cioppino dinner, we walked back to the parking lot in Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco...

the nerve of those republicans!

9:57 PM TioJaime: i did a bad thing today TioJaime: I love you gays... SixHertz: haha SixHertz: whatja do? TioJaime: tried to steal a "Kerry/Edwards" sticker off a car in a lit parking lot TioJaime: only managed to get the "Say No to Bush" sticker right below it 10:00 PM TioJaime: took the sticker, placed it under his passenger-side windshield wiper TioJaime: then emptied a full can of Skoal longcut mint right smack-dab in the middle of the windshield TioJaime: left the empty can under the driver-side wiper SixHertz: LOL SixHertz: oh, dude...you're going to get in trouble. SixHertz: a lit parking lot? TioJaime: fuck 'em TioJaime: yep. TioJaime: the nerve of those republicans! SixHertz: Be careful about posting this. TioJaime: you fucking nancy-pants, BFD, there are hundreds of parking lots in san francisco

How's that edgy, Republican schtick working out for you Leftist Degenerates now, huh? You have your gay little "redneck roadrage inducing" signs and bumper stickers? BFD. Everybody has road rage nowadays, even shitty soccer moms who vote with their vaginas. I hope that the road rage you cause gives somebody a heart attack which causes them to lose control of their vehicles and plow over Leftist holier-than-thous driving their precious, tiny Priuses.

That's what you did, albeit in the worst-case scenario. What did I do? I probably got some fair-weather Leftist to cry. No fuss, no muss. Only targeted the people who deserve it. No need for collateral damage.

The craftier Citizen SHoPper will note that the conversation takes a turn for the apolitical right about now...

THEFUNKSOULBROTHERBOOYAH!!!

finish your essays and get to vegas

10:45 PM TioJaime: have you booked passage to vicetivus? 10:50 PM TioJaime: vicetivus VI, dude TioJaime: you got your tickets yet? 10:55 PM SixHertz: Negative. SixHertz: No one to use the vacation package, but me SixHertz: I would have to get reg. tix. SixHertz: by myself. TioJaime: shit SixHertz: they're all full price now anyways. SixHertz: I'm so fucking hosed with grad school essays. SixHertz: goddam TioJaime: faling asleep... will talk to you later on in the week TioJaime: finish your essays and get to vegas TioJaime: don't nancy-out on us here SixHertz: ok, gdit. TioJaime: don't wanna play this card, but we're not expecting you at Vicetivus VII in october 2006...

Quite frankly, the Council of Vicetivus Elders isn't expecting SixH at the upcoming Vicetivus VI either...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

new iPod!

Got this off of one of my daily linkdumps...

Commercial for Apple's newest iPod

It's a cool, retro design. I guess that's the thing nowadays, huh? I suppose it was only a matter of time before the new, sleek iPod look became as popular as yesterday's toast...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Just finished the Half-Blood Prince

Wow. Good ending. I knew somebody died, but I wasn't expecting that. Is that really supposed to be a kid's book? I couldn't put that shit down...

1) Spoiler T-shirt which Greta/Katherine told me about tonight. You like how I've hidden the URL? You're welcome.
2) Wikipedia entry on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Spoiler here as well.
3) It's kind of unrealistic how they fly up into the alien spaceship and then install the virus with a Mac. But it seems to work.

What's on tap next for Tio Jaime... Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Fast Food Nation, Season Three of 24, Halo 2.

Hope all is well,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Congratulations, you have won $1 million

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Ok this show fucking sucks, this doesn't even deserve SHoP billing.
i hope your kids murder you with shotguns when they come to grips with how assholey you made them
and maybe the little gaghan fucker will die
no shit your legs aren't sore, you're fucking worthless
that's why you don't let your little demon-children make the fucking decisions when $1,000,000 is at goddam stake
and now i'm laughing at carissa gaghan, or he can't speak english, but maybe he speaks the universal language of Selling Your Children Into Slavery
Tio Jaime's House of Dumbass
would've been cool if Bart had mauled the little Gaghan shits (TJ:A1)
g-sisters still fucking around w/a trailer on a highway (TJ:A1)
IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 12:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Very good ending for what was a shitty season of what mysteriously still is my favorite TV show. Special guest appearance from MwHCock. That's what happens when you have multiple chat windows open.

and if i wasn't so lazy, i'd put the older episodes up too... shit, it's the finale, huh? OK gimme a few more minutes

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 8 (shitty family edition)
You are now in chat room "CrappyFinaleEdition." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (8:58:40 PM): hello dere TioJ (8:58:53 PM): about a minute until TAR's finale TioJ (8:59:16 PM): whoo. a live 3am criticism TioJ (8:59:19 PM): yay TioJ (9:00:08 PM): here we go TioJ (9:00:13 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON THE AMAZING RACE TioJ (9:00:40 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:00:43 PM): FUCK TioJ (9:00:44 PM): YOU TioJ (9:00:47 PM): GAGHANS TioJ (9:00:56 PM): g-sisters TioJ (9:01:02 PM): black family! TioJ (9:01:13 PM): are they gonna recap each leg? TioJ (9:01:27 PM): ooh brittney rogers TioJ (9:02:10 PM): =( goodbye brittney rogers TioJ (9:04:21 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:04:47 PM): HA HA FUCK YOU CARISSA GAGHAN TioJ (9:04:50 PM): BURN IN HELL TioJ (9:05:43 PM): long-assed recap TioJ (9:06:30 PM): i hope the weavers win it all TioJ (9:07:03 PM): ooh yeah tricia g-sister TioJ (9:07:21 PM): i still want to eat out tricia g-sister TioJ (9:07:23 PM): don't repeat that TioJ (9:07:41 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:07:44 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:07:50 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING TioJ (9:07:57 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:08:01 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:08:05 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:08:10 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:08:14 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:08:18 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING! TioJ (9:10:54 PM): This is Eastern Montana, where cattle and sheep outnumber people by the millions TioJ (9:11:45 PM): 1700 miles to montreal, canada TioJ (9:11:59 PM): CDP Capital building TioJ (9:12:42 PM): sorry, bransen daughters first to depart TioJ (9:12:48 PM): linz family second to depart TioJ (9:13:07 PM): weavers last to depart TioJ (9:13:56 PM): bransen daughter picking her ass on camera TioJ (9:16:55 PM): i'm not sure who's where TioJ (9:17:12 PM): but i think they're in toronto? TioJ (9:23:49 PM): must travel to underground city TioJ (9:26:37 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons TioJ (9:26:42 PM): Slide It or Roll It TioJ (9:26:46 PM): curling TioJ (9:27:20 PM): or roll logs along a course TioJ (9:27:22 PM): roll it TioJ (9:27:37 PM): yeah try curling TioJ (9:29:20 PM): linzes lost TioJ (9:35:01 PM): ooh yeah bransen sluts TioJ (9:35:09 PM): whoops, they missed it TioJ (9:36:12 PM): is it wrong to want to be molested by the bransen daughters? TioJ (9:36:50 PM): bransens rolling logs TioJ (9:36:52 PM): nice job rolly TioJ (9:37:05 PM): teams must now travel 26 miles to American Pavilion TioJ (9:41:40 PM): La Porte J TioJ (9:41:43 PM): "door J" TioJ (9:49:20 PM): A Roadblock is a task that only one person can perform TioJ (9:49:26 PM): do some trapeeze shit TioJ (9:50:31 PM): oh there's tons of time for a bottleneck TioJ (9:50:34 PM): any second now TioJ (9:51:04 PM): hey that was cool TioJ (9:51:17 PM): travel two miles to parc olympique TioJ (9:51:30 PM): stade olympique TioJ (9:51:36 PM): they're gonna sleep there tonight TioJ (9:52:16 PM): should've let the excitable chick do it TioJ (9:53:10 PM): i'm moving to bransen-land TioJ (9:54:44 PM): bransens caught up TioJ (9:54:46 PM): ooh yeah TioJ (10:01:39 PM): i'd normally be concerned that the weavers fucked it up, but it's a non-elimination anyway TioJ (10:02:22 PM): whoa search stadium for one of three charter departure times TioJ (10:02:33 PM): but they're like a total of 10 minutes TioJ (10:03:41 PM): nice job, Ted TioJ (10:07:26 PM): yeah catch up on some zees, bro TioJ (10:08:17 PM): Megan Linz is kinda butterfacey TioJ (10:08:33 PM): stupid weavers TioJ (10:17:36 PM): mystery location TioJ (10:18:29 PM): FUCK TioJ (10:19:57 PM): some magic html here...
10:15 PM TioJ: they're in toronto MwHCock: huh? TioJ: CN tower MwHCock: oh, TAR TioJ: FUCK MwHCock: i've been there MwHCock: nice view 10:20 PM TioJ: oh yeah
TioJ (10:20:21 PM): (closed one td, reopened another, closed it, reopened the original TioJ (10:20:58 PM): i forgot what they were looking for TioJ (10:22:30 PM): searching for the marker probably TioJ (10:22:36 PM): the non-weavers found it and left TioJ (10:27:19 PM): A Detour is a choice between two tasks TioJ (10:27:22 PM): Ship or Shoe TioJ (10:27:26 PM): oh, each with its own pros and cons TioJ (10:29:32 PM): something about a shoe museum? TioJ (10:29:34 PM): bad move TioJ (10:30:43 PM): oh the bransens are FUCKED TioJ (10:31:15 PM): ooh chicks with bare feet TioJ (10:31:23 PM): ooh hot barefoot chicks TioJ (10:31:31 PM): kinda reminds me of that porno Rafterman gave me TioJ (10:32:47 PM): 81 miles to queenstown TioJ (10:32:55 PM): into the niagra whilrpool TioJ (10:33:43 PM): so they hired a bunch of chicks to wander around barefoot? TioJ (10:33:52 PM): that's hawt TioJ (10:33:57 PM): AND FUCK YOU CARISSA GAGHAN TioJ (10:37:09 PM): wow julie chen looks nasty TioJ (10:38:40 PM): and the CHP has a mascot? a chipmunk? that's not so intimidating now, is it? TioJ (10:39:04 PM): bransens in 2nd TioJ (10:40:02 PM): i'd like to be handcuffed and raped by the bransen daughters TioJ (10:40:05 PM): nothing anal though TioJ (10:40:16 PM): that'd be gross TioJ (10:41:52 PM): queenston boat ramps? TioJ (10:43:36 PM): lewiston, NY TioJ (10:44:42 PM): Roadblock! TioJ (10:44:52 PM): A roadblock is a task only one person can perform TioJ (10:45:03 PM): complete a map of north america TioJ (10:45:26 PM): oh it's wally bransen! do the dew motherfucker! TioJ (10:46:23 PM): go wally! TioJ (10:46:35 PM): oh don't let the shitty linzes win TioJ (10:47:35 PM): hurry up wally TioJ (10:47:41 PM): and i wana hump your daughters TioJ (10:48:08 PM): oh wally's fucked TioJ (10:48:37 PM): oh there's rhode island! TioJ (10:49:02 PM): whoa good finale! TioJ (10:49:10 PM): c'mon wall-ster TioJ (10:49:20 PM): shit@ TioJ (10:49:27 PM): go wally man TioJ (10:49:29 PM): ooh TioJ (10:49:33 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (10:49:54 PM): no brittney rogers? TioJ (10:49:58 PM): g-sisters TioJ (10:50:03 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (10:50:16 PM): black people! TioJ (10:50:22 PM): 25 days TioJ (10:50:23 PM): 50 cities TioJ (10:50:31 PM): and more than 600 consecutive hours together as a family TioJ (10:50:39 PM): Linz Famly, you are the official winners of The Amazing Race! TioJ (10:50:59 PM): Congratulations, you have won $1 million TioJ (10:51:17 PM): bransen family team #2 TioJ (10:51:45 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHAN TioJ (10:51:49 PM): ooh tricia TioJ (10:52:13 PM): show brittney rogers, for fuck's sake TioJ (10:52:21 PM): FUCK YOU CARISSA GAGHAN TioJ (10:53:10 PM): yeah thanks for taking advantage of having a former miss louisiana TioJ (10:53:12 PM): dumbfucks TioJ (10:53:58 PM): ooh hi tricia, how's the crotch? TioJ (10:54:10 PM): enough mental masturbation TioJ (10:54:21 PM): yeah whatever, you fucking hated them TioJ (10:54:27 PM): weavers team #3 TioJ (10:55:26 PM): wow this is taking too fucking long TioJ (10:55:45 PM): the linzes won like 5 minutes ago TioJ (10:55:55 PM): FUCK YOU CARISSA GAGHAN TioJ (10:56:15 PM): ooh there she was TioJ (10:56:19 PM): brittney rogers? TioJ (10:56:29 PM): yay fuck you TioJ (10:56:43 PM): coming this february TioJ (10:56:45 PM): 5 contintents TioJ (10:56:48 PM): 60,000 miles TioJ (10:56:52 PM): 11 teams of two TioJ (10:57:01 PM): ooh hot young girls TioJ (10:57:19 PM): OK that should be good... better than this pile of shit season TioJ (10:57:30 PM): See you in February! TioJ has left the chat room.

IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE

Figured I should post this Final Four episode of TAR:SFE. Season Finale tonight of what is the shittiest season of The Amazing Race.

Tio Jaime's Top Five Shitty Seasons of TAR? You got it!

1) TAR8. shitty family edition. hot miss louisana eliminated early. only solace is that tonight they'll show her again @ the finish line
2) TAR7. Had Rob and Amber, officially signifying the Shark-Jumping. Holy God they were annoying. Was so glad when uchenna and joyce finally won. in vitro, here we come! Notice how they turned off the popularity voting at the website so people like me couldn't vote against Romber.
3) TAR6. Too many couples. Notice how there weren't as many couples in following seasons who called each other "Baby"? That's because it got annoying. Hayden had nice boobs, though... ahh, sweet sweet Hayden
4) TAR4. Yeah, we get it. Reichen and Chip were gay. Would you like to remind us four times an episode or five times? Let us know so we can think of creative hate crimes.
5) TAR5. Chip and his wife Useless? What a shitty team, with exception of Chip. Thanks to Useless, they had to create that minimum Roadblock rule.

Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race: Shitty Family Edition from Tuesday 06 December 2005

You are now in chat room "TioJaimeSlow." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:01:13 PM): hello dere TioJ (9:01:19 PM): was watching peanuts TioJ (9:01:31 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:01:36 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING TioJ (9:01:45 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:01:48 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:01:53 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:01:57 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:02:00 PM): A MAZE ING TioJ (9:02:05 PM): AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! TioJ (9:03:00 PM): these BP commercials don't make sense at all TioJ (9:03:09 PM): they're not even funny by accident TioJ (9:05:03 PM): fake pit stop! TioJ (9:05:45 PM): Teams must not travel 49 miles to dubois, WY to Turtle Rance TioJ (9:07:16 PM): meanwhile, in Oakland... MwHCock is pissing me off with this Earl crap TioJ (9:08:22 PM): they didn't get gas TioJ (9:09:51 PM): g-sisters, you're the last family to arrive TioJ (9:09:54 PM): leg is not over TioJ (9:10:49 PM): ha ha bottlenecking TioJ (9:10:55 PM): the g-sisters are gonna catch up TioJ (9:11:01 PM): and i wanna molest tricia g-sister TioJ (9:16:43 PM): they're going down a dirt road TioJ (9:16:45 PM): somewhere TioJ (9:17:17 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons TioJ (9:17:31 PM): Pioneer Spirit or Native Tradition TioJ (9:17:43 PM): drive a wagon or build a teepee TioJ (9:19:10 PM): g-sisters building the teepee TioJ (9:19:23 PM): linzes, bransens doing the wagon TioJ (9:19:57 PM): the bransen daughters are gonna suck this one up TioJ (9:20:03 PM): weavers doing the teepee too TioJ (9:22:06 PM): linzes on their wagon TioJ (9:22:44 PM): wow the bransen daughters didn't fuck it up TioJ (9:23:08 PM): 220 miles to Cody Wyoming to the Irma hotel TioJ (9:23:20 PM): after one of Buffalo bill's hot daughters TioJ (9:23:33 PM): IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE TioJ (9:24:40 PM): ooh hi tricia g-sister TioJ (9:27:03 PM): ooh tricia crotch TioJ (9:31:22 PM): i wanna mount tricia g-sister TioJ (9:31:52 PM): The Irma! TioJ (9:32:49 PM): ooh hi irma TioJ (9:32:59 PM): oh maybe that isn't Irma TioJ (9:33:15 PM): but that wyoming-momma is HAWT TioJ (9:34:55 PM): teams must now travel 73 miles to red lodge, MT TioJ (9:35:32 PM): ooh yeah wyoming momma TioJ (9:35:37 PM): ooh yeah bransen daughters TioJ (9:36:38 PM): A Roadblock is a task normally performed by one person TioJ (9:36:59 PM): But in this shitty family edition of TAR, blah blah blha TioJ (9:37:15 PM): what a shitty detour TioJ (9:37:29 PM): they closed down an entire golf course? TioJ (9:37:39 PM): and if you miss a ball, shit you could be there forever TioJ (9:38:26 PM): WHORE CITY TioJ (9:40:03 PM): and the hot wyomomma was getting pissed TioJ (9:40:28 PM): oh they're fucked TioJ (9:40:37 PM): did it say it would be the hole? TioJ (9:41:01 PM): nice job bransen daughters TioJ (9:41:07 PM): bransen daughters in first TioJ (9:41:17 PM): 43 miles to Green Meadow Ranch TioJ (9:41:21 PM): 10,000 acre cattle rance TioJ (9:46:42 PM): whoa victoria's secret fashion show after TAR TioJ (9:50:23 PM): and i would like to orally pleasure tricia g-sister TioJ (9:50:42 PM): oh it'll be the bransens first TioJ (9:51:14 PM): bransen daughters team #1 TioJ (9:51:24 PM): ooh elimination leg! TioJ (9:51:36 PM): ooh TioJ (9:51:49 PM): brand new buick loofa TioJ (9:51:54 PM): linz family team #2 TioJ (9:52:19 PM): actually i'd rather have the g-sisters instead of the weavers TioJ (9:52:33 PM): go g-sisters! TioJ (9:52:59 PM): man i want to molest tricia godelewski TioJ (9:53:44 PM): yeah like it's really that close TioJ (9:53:53 PM): weavers team #3 TioJ (9:54:32 PM): g-sisters last team to arrive TioJ (9:54:44 PM): sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from the race TioJ (9:55:25 PM): and i would like to rub one out to tricia g-sister TioJ (9:56:11 PM): oh yes TioJ (9:56:31 PM): the traditional hyping-up of the finale TioJ (9:59:02 PM): next week on the two-hour finale of the amazing race TioJ (9:59:27 PM): was that a BART tunnel? TioJ has left the chat room.

No race riots yet, but the night is young

Making D&M clips right now. Less than ten minutes until they execute a killer. Ha ha.

Maybe I'll pick up a shotgun tomorrow...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[update date="20051213" time="0000"]
under a minute left! it's just like New Years Eve!
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0002"]
KTVU just told me "you don't know exactly what time the execution occurs." Well shit.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0006"]
Watching the KTVU broadcast from San Quentin. Showing shots of the crowd. What a wonderful place to take your kids on a school night. How exceptional must your parenting skills be.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0008"]
KTVU is decribing the Took-man's last day. He ate oatmeal. He got some mail. Why are stupid schoolchildren writing him? What the hell are they teaching kids nowadays? You Leftist Fuck-Ups make me so goddam sick.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0012"]
Leslie Griffith looks HAWT. God Bless the Bay Area, except for all you Leftist Blue State Fuck-Ups. You all can burn in hell.

And if I may take the time to point out right now, this shitty liveblogging could easily have been circumvented by a 3am Criticism. And ooh, it would've been 3am on the east coast.

And speaking of which, I'd like to take the time to complain that my only relationship prospect right now is Pittsburg(h) Amy. Who lives in one of the metropolitan areas furthest away from the SF Bay Area.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0018"]
California's first execution after the lifting of the moratorium was Robert Alton Harris in the early 90s, and his execution was delayed from midnight until daybreak at around 6am. On that note, screw this, I'm going to bed.

Kick-me-in-the-crotch-and-spit-on-my-neck, Leslie Griffith is HAWT
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0024"]
And now they're interviewing the Little Brains in the crowd. Some dumb C.U.N.T. from one neighborhood over.

YOU DUMBFUCK GO HOME AND LET YOUR SON GET SOME SLEEP.

Leslie Griffith is HAWT

[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0044"]
Trosama min Asi and I were chatting whilst watching KTVU's Williams Execution coverage. God, do I hate these Leftist Degenerate Blue State Fuck-Ups...

OFFICIAL TIME OF DEATH 12:36!!!!!

12:27 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: check out the SHoP TrosamaMinAsi: the only reason why robert alton harris took so long is because they kept appealing since he was the first one executed since the ban on executions TrosamaMinAsi: I think he is dead by now JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yeah that's what KTVU was saying 12:30 AM TrosamaMinAsi: i am watching ktvu as well JihadJimmyMWCCDF: leslie griffith is hot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that was a stupid fucking question that dennis richmond asked JihadJimmyMWCCDF: show more leslie griffith TrosamaMinAsi: I know huh TrosamaMinAsi: more rita williams TrosamaMinAsi: I should sleep JihadJimmyMWCCDF: NO JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yeah i should too JihadJimmyMWCCDF: but i just wanna blog the execution TrosamaMinAsi: but I will be more comfortable knowing that one more "animal" is off the street TrosamaMinAsi: I watched godfather the other night JihadJimmyMWCCDF: where did they find so many stupid fucking people to wait outside San Quentin? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: don't these people have lives? TrosamaMinAsi: those my friends TrosamaMinAsi: are the true believers in hope JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you missed it when they interviewed some dumb C.U.N.T. from Montclair TrosamaMinAsi: they have convinced themselves that they can save a [RACIAL INVECTIVE] by standing outside the prison TrosamaMinAsi: Oh I saw that JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that was the fucking stupidest thing ever TrosamaMinAsi: I think they should televise it TrosamaMinAsi: the execution JihadJimmyMWCCDF: it's like interviewing people after a plane crash TrosamaMinAsi: I think they are reporting for the sake of reporting TrosamaMinAsi: they are creating news TrosamaMinAsi: I love the media TrosamaMinAsi: like right now 12:35 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this is such a non-story! if it wasn't for hollyweird there wouldn't be a story here TrosamaMinAsi: they should play the song from Dr Strangelove JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ha ha, people are leaving JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "we'll meet again?" TrosamaMinAsi: How many reporters does ktvu have TrosamaMinAsi: hold on gonna change stations JihadJimmyMWCCDF: at least two? TrosamaMinAsi: nbc has jay leno JihadJimmyMWCCDF: no keep it on 2! they're interviewing some dumbfuck! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody else has anything JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i checked TrosamaMinAsi: oh that guy is a dumb fuck TrosamaMinAsi: he is wearing a construction vest TrosamaMinAsi: do you know him JihadJimmyMWCCDF: no, thank God TrosamaMinAsi: what does stanley tookie williams mean to people TrosamaMinAsi: his hat says the city JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "beacon of hope to many people" TrosamaMinAsi: he is a black man trapped in a white body TrosamaMinAsi: he looks like colin farrell JihadJimmyMWCCDF: (The City was the old logo for the Golden State Warriors) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: STFU JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Rita Williams inside the prison JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OFFICIAL TIME OF DEATH 12:36!!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: I know they used to play in the city JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WOOOOOOO WHEEEEEEE!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: Rejoice TrosamaMinAsi: Rejoice TrosamaMinAsi: It is over JihadJimmyMWCCDF: EAT A BIG ONE, YOU LEFTIST FUCKUPS!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: that was a truck JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you gimme a call if you need help fighting off looters TrosamaMinAsi: what happened during the death TrosamaMinAsi: he died TrosamaMinAsi: what are you doing at 4 tomorrow TrosamaMinAsi: we should go to the rally at city hall JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i have a grown-up job to go to, dude TrosamaMinAsi: hello TrosamaMinAsi: i like the pigtails JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you dumb C.U.N.T. 12:40 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i hate these Dumbfuck Bay Aryans TrosamaMinAsi: traffic will be a bitch to get out JihadJimmyMWCCDF: good point JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i would've left early JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or not gone at all JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck 'em, did they think they'd actually stop an execution? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: say hello to the SHoP, T TrosamaMinAsi: hello shop JihadJimmyMWCCDF: say goodnight, T TrosamaMinAsi: goodnight shoppers

[/update]

Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!

I've loved Peanuts ever since I got my first plush Snoopy in the late Carter Administration. And HFS, this is freakin' hilarious!

A CHARLIE BROWN KWANZAA

Whut de fuck you do to mah shrub?!?

Anybody care to burn this to CD-ROM for Citizen SHoPper OTWMark?

Tio J

God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors

Got the following e-mail this morning from Citizen SHoPper Mark Nicodemo. All you whiny bitches, lookee here, it's a bgcolor=lightsalmon! Set phasers to "Leftist Whining!"

The e-mail was in response to my comments left on his post here. Looking for background information on Kwan-Jimmy? Citizen SHoPper, you've come to the right place!

Read on...

Being the opinionated truth-warrior that I am...

Dear Tio J: Speaking of Kwan-Jimmy (hilarious, by the way) check out the first news post from a local university: http://www.dom.edu/campusnews/ Being the opinionated truth-warrior that I am (lol), I sent the person listed an e-mail yesterday: Dear Ms. Wright: I noticed with some disappointment on the Dominican University "Campus News" page the post on "Pre-Kwanzaa." ("Pre-Kwanzaa will be celebrated daily from December 12 - 17 in the Library Link.") Putting aside for a moment the oddity that a Catholic University would celebrate a non-catholic holiday (why doesn't Dominican also celebrate Hanukkah, Ramadan, etc.?), students and faculty should know: * Its founder, Ron Karenga, a Marxist professor, was founder of the militant black power organization United Slaves. In 1971 was arrested for assaulting and torturing two female members of his organization. * Among the holiday's main tenets are elements of Karenga's own Marxist beliefs. * The holiday itself is geographically and linguistically inaccurate. Columnist Paul Mulshine writes: "Ghana and Kenya are on opposite sides of the continent. This brings up an obvious question about Kwanzaa: Why did Karenga use Swahili words for his fictional African feast? American blacks are primarily descended from people who came from Ghana and other parts of West Africa. Kenya and Tanzania--where Swahili is spoken--are several thousand miles away, about as far from Ghana as Los Angeles is from New York. Yet in celebrating Kwanzaa, African-Americans are supposed to employ a vocabulary of such Swahili words as "kujichagulia" and "kuumba." This makes about as much sense as having Irish-Americans celebrate St. Patrick's Day by speaking Polish." See also: http://www.dartreview.com/issues/1.15.01/kwanzaa.html I hope that in celebrating this "holiday," Dominican University will fully inform its students about its entire history. Yours sincerely, Mark Nicodemo

Before you start in on us with the unoriginal Leftist Degenerate gripes, no, this isn't the War-on-Christmas post which seems to be all the craze this December. This is simply another SHoP Oppression-of-the-Black-Man-by-None-Other-than-the-Black-Man post.

On a somewhat unrelated note, my parents were putting up their Christmas Tree yesterday at Old Fort Tio Jaime. I jokingly recommended to them that they "put up a Holiday Tree". Ha ha. Unlike you Citizen SHoPpers, they didn't get the joke. So I pulled out all the stops and said, "Fine. What you should really get is a Muslim-Exclusion Tree."

And lo and behold, they loved that idea.

And at long last, Citizen SHoPpers, I propose to you a long overdue nickname for your fellow Citizen SHoPper Mark Nicodemo... OTWMark!

[crickets audible="chirping"]

Well, screw the rest of you. I'm gonna call him that.

Jimmy-appointed nicknames have been around for a long time. See if you can find yourself here.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Change in SHoP Programming

Tio Jaime isn't quite up for 3amC-ing Grey's Anatomy. Not because it sucks this season, and nor because tonight's episode is bound to suck if only because the episode teaser in yahoo! started off with "Burke and Yang..."

So I set the VCR, will likely watch later this week. Saw that there was an aircraft carrier special on the Discovery Channel...

...but shit it's that dirty jobs show. Something about pig farming. Which reminds me, check out Snatch (the movie, fellow perverts). Good movie. If you liked Pulp Fiction, you'll like Snatch. And isn't it mindblowing how Pulp Fiction came out around 10 years ago?

Anycrap, gonna put some laundry away, read some Half-Blood Prince. When GA is done taping, maybe some GTA:SA?

Enjoy the remainder of the weekend, Citizen SHoPpers (which, even if you're a Pac-10 Citizen SHoPper, you still really only have an hour and forty-seven minutes left),

Tio Jaime

Lighten the fuck up already!

First the 49ers, now the SFPD...

Excerpt from S.F. police to suspend up to 20 cops over videos

In one video, which spoofed the TV show "Charlie's Angels," three gun-toting police women in T-shirts and blue jeans report to a police captain, who sits behind a desk and suggestively licks his lips. Through the rest of the clip, a street person, an apparent transvestite, and several others lick their lips in a similar manner and say, "Ohhh, captain." Another video showed a lazy pair of officers who ignored several dispatches while reading the newspaper, napping in their cruiser and practicing martial arts in a parking lot. When gunshots are reported, they race off with their lights flashing and siren wailing -- only to show up at a massage parlor the driver had spotted in a magazine ad.

What part of "on the outside looking in" do you Leftist killjoys not understand? Just because everybody else around you has a sense of humor, that doesn't mean you have to drop trou and start shitting on people's parades.

Get Bent, Mayor Gavin Newsom. Get Bent, Chief Heather Fong.

You porrice officer! You first femarre porrice chief for major metroporritan area! You make ancestors from mainrrand very proud! Very proud!

MwHCock's quasi-3amC of My Name is Earl

Whether he knew it or not, whether he liked it or not, a couple of nights ago MwHCock had somewhat of a 3am Criticism! It wasn't a full fledged bona fide 3amC, what with the fact that he wasn't really even trying, but oh heck yeah it's SHoPpable...

selling packages to the cal/tennessee game already

8:36 PM MwHCock: mah nigga MwHCock: how you doin'? TioJ: yo TioJ: just fucking got home MwHCock: damn MwHCock: where were you? TioJ: lotsa traffic on 24 TioJ: then had to run an errand in berkeley TioJ: fuck me TioJ: http://www.gettravel.com/sports/cal/index.html#PioneerBowl TioJ: scroll down TioJ: selling packages to the cal/tennessee game already MwHCock: we should go TioJ: let's do it TioJ: should we sign up through this one here? MwHCock: If I go, I'll only stay at the hotel max 1 day MwHCock: i'd stay with [MwHCock's brother] otherwise

MwHCock's little brother is a reformed Strip Club Fiend and is a newly commissioned officer in the US Army. Some pics floating around, we'll try to get him some SHoP time. MwHCock's little brother lives in Tennessee w/his new wife (when he's not off fighting terrorists), and will likely play host to visiting California Golden Bears when the Bears try to take on the Volunteers...

Dude, I love the Colbert Report

8:40 PM MwHCock: Dude, I love the Colbert Report MwHCock: so funny TioJ: what's that? MwHCock: Stephen colbert was a correspondent on the daily show MwHCock: he has his own show now MwHCock: he puts a more conservative slant on things MwHCock: He had Tim Robbins on (who is a noted liberal) TioJ: oh that sounds good MwHCock: First question "My first question is a 2 parter: 1) What was it like working on Shawshank? 2) Why do you hate America?" TioJ: LOL MwHCock: watch it tonight MwHCock: it's actually on right now MwHCock: turn to comedy central 8:45 PM TioJ: don't have it MwHCock: d'oh TioJ: 3am criticize it, i'll put it on the SHoP

ha ha, eff you tim robbins! why don't you try to pull a censorship card again?

Maria Sharapova has huge shoulders

8:50 PM MwHCock: anderson cooper is on MwHCock: he's surprisingly not a tool MwHCock: actually funny 8:55 PM TioJ: he was the host of The Mole MwHCock: i know MwHCock: He's showing Colbert his anchor moves MwHCock: the lean forward unbotton MwHCock: he does that for emphasis MwHCock: Maria Sharapova has huge shoulders MwHCock: they're scary MwHCock: they're phil jackson style TioJ: keep going dude...

OK now here's where he gets annoying. Seriously, if i was allowed to watch one show a year and only one show, I'd watch The Amazing Race. Even if it was a shitty family version with Boston Rob.

well, actually that's not true. I'd watch the shittiest season of The Mole before I'd watch the best season of TAR. The Mole was just like TAR, but with the cool espionage, backstabbing. And there was a San Jose lesbian on the first season.

And actually that's not true either. I didn't bother with the shitty Celebrity Mole. Because it had shitty celebrities.

i've tried NBC in the past, and w/o fail, all the shows took huge shits on themselves

9:00 PM MwHCock: Now My Name is Earl is on MwHCock: GO GO GO MwHCock: NBC TioJ: yeah, umm no TioJ: TAR: Shitty Family Edition MwHCock: GO GO GO MwHCock: fuck TAR TioJ: i've already watched each episode TioJ: i'm not gonna stop right now for some shitty NBC piece of crap MwHCock: Earl is hilarious TioJ: i've tried NBC in the past, and w/o fail, all the shows took huge shits on themselves TioJ: doesn't fucking matter MwHCock: no, this is a great show MwHCock: be flexible TioJ: what part of The Amazing Race don't you understand? TioJ: if i were to watch only one show a year, it'd be TAR MwHCock: why watch a shitty show when a hilarious one is on TioJ: even this shitty family edition 9:05 PM TioJ: because #1 NBC has fucked me in the past by getting me to watch shit TioJ: and #2 TAR is my favorite goddam show for the last fucking time MwHCock: ok MwHCock: you're missing out TioJ: and you're not fucking listening to your goddam friend MwHCock: I'm listening MwHCock: i don't agree TioJ: and now you're making me not want to watch this shitty Earl show ever because you keep insisting on it TioJ: keep going MwHCock: ok MwHCock: Earl is hilarious MwHCock: and your missing the beginning MwHCock: the funniest parts MwHCock: go go go MwHCock: now now now MwHCock: i already have EVERY other episode recorded for you MwHCock: so you can catch up NOW TioJ: can't talk TioJ: 3amC-ing 9:10 PM TioJ: OK commercial TioJ: I'm gonna SHoP all of this shit, i hope you realize MwHCock: meh

And finally, congratulations to the once ranked #10 California Golden Bears who managed to eke out a 4-4 pac-10 record for a Las Vegas Bowl berth. Dumbfucks. I already planned for the Vicetivus VI trip in January! I'll watch from goddam Hooters, I suppose...

dublin hooters?

9:15 PM MwHCock: Are we gonna get together to watch the pioneer bowl? TioJ: fuck dude, it's on a thursday night! MwHCock: i know MwHCock: that blows TioJ: what'd you have in mind? TioJ: dublin hooters? MwHCock: Cock compound MwHCock: turkey fry TioJ: probably just gonna go to hoooters or zoo w/trose to watch MwHCock: ok 9:45 PM TioJ: yo you wanna 3amC the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show? TioJ: ooh yeah MwHCock: Nah TioJ: actually i was gonna play san andreas

Enough for now. Gonna tie up some loose ends, try to head home...

Tio J