Unclean! Unclean!

Was cleaning tonight. First, I cleaned my bathroom. Then I cleaned myself. And then I cleaned a paintball gun.

Last things first: I went paintballing on Sunday in Vacaville with some guys from work. A couple of the guys from work had a friend of one of their brother's along, he was in town from Idaho. He's somewhat of a web-celebrity...

Aaron Stanton - Can Google Hear Me?

Apparently he's trying to pitch some dealie to Google, and he's made the trek down to the bay area to try to get some face time with the Mountain View company. He was telling me that his website is one of the Top 20 Digged in history-- if that doesn't mean anything to you, don't worry-- and that e-mails of support are pouring in. I managed to kill him a couple of times, I'm pleased to say. Although at one point, he was charging at me up the side and would've taken me out had it not been for one of my dudes laying in wait unbeknownst to him.

Fun time to be had by all. Except for tonight, when I discovered that stripping a Spyder TL-X and cleaning it is a lot more difficult than breaking down my Mossberg 500 (our good buddy THE PURSWADER).

And speaking of shotguns, after I cleaned the bathroom (but before i cleaned myself) I installed this puppy here, which I received in the mail a few days ago!

Shotshell Toilet Seat

Although I thought I got it at half that price... I'll look tomorrow when I'm not so lazy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update date="20070220" time="0826">OK, seems as though we were wrong about the Top 20 Digged posts. But still, there is a bit of digging, and some radio hosts here too have shown a bit of interest. We'll see what blossoms...

OK, and all that effort to find the pic at right? She'd be classified as a horse-face nowdays. I liked Six better.</update>

Wow. Thanks Giants Nation, for reminding me of one of the worst things I've ever watched with my own two eyes.

Pitchers and catchers report today in Giants Nation. I'm getting excited for this season, what with some familiar faces (Aurilia, Ortiz) returning to the Giants. I suppose, however, that for the rest of my life as a Giants fan, I'll have to relive this Disney-sponsored nightmare...

excerpt from Ortiz gets another shot in San Francisco

Ortiz was among the National League's premier pitchers during his Giants tenure, and his six-game winning streak helped push San Francisco into the playoffs in 2000. He later propelled the club to the 2002 World Series. Game 6 of the World Series against the Angels would be a pivotal moment. Ortiz gave up only two hits over 6 1/3 innngs, and then-manager Dusty Baker symbolically handed Oritz the "game ball" when pulled in the seventh. But San Francisco's 5-0 lead evaporated, and the Angels won that contest and captured Game 7 for the title. "I still have that ball," said Ortiz.

I can still remember that day. I was watching on a jumbotron at Yerba Buena Gardens, just outside the Metreon, along with maybe a thousand other Giants fans? We all knew that Russ Ortiz was prone to loading up the bases right around the sixth inning and just barely escaping with the win, so when Dusty pulled him, we figured it was for the better.

But then Dusty handed Russ the game ball.

And with one of my fuckhead friends counting down the outs (from 27 in the first inning, which we all told him was bad luck) we were witness to yet another sad chapter in Giants History-- via jumbotron.

Again, this would not be our year.

So, while certain older Giants fans can replay Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" off of Brooklyn Dodger Ralph Branca, my friends and I are stuck with memories of moping out of Yerba Buena Gardens thinking, "Oh fuck, we're gonna lose Game 7." I fuckin' hate Anahym.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Dispatches from the Blue State Frontier

I didn't watch the Grammys. That probably stems from the fact that I don't give a fuck about the Grammys. Although I somehow managed to find out that "Weird Al" Yankovic didn't win one. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Here's a bulletin from a friend of mine. Yes, Citizen SHoPpers, he is an actual friend of mine. I don't talk politics with my Leftist friends. They don't even read this blog. Their tolerance-- even for their good friend Jihad Jimmy-- has no room for the SHoP or the Republican Party. Pity.

myspace bulletin from my friend, titled "I love 'Chicks."

Yeah. I love 'Chicks. A couple years back, Natalie stood on stage in front of like, 18,000 people and denounced "President" Bush and the backlash that followed from the homophobic, right-wing, Rush Limbaugh worshiping assclowns was almost overwhelming. But yet, my 'Chicks stuck to their guns and told Toby Keith where he could put his opinions on their political dialogue. Last night, my 'Chicks stuck it up the ass of all those self-serving, war-mongering, racist Republifucks when they won Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Country Album. Eat that, Conservatives. Put your fuckin' head back in your suburban, beautifully manicured, hilarious and spoon-fed idealism and beliefs. The people have spoken.

Good buddy of mine. Unfortunately this is the same guy who has forwarded me a link to Loose Change on myspace not once but twice. I was speechless.

As one of the red state republicans here in the office just pointed out, who votes on the Grammys? Here's what wikipedia says...

wikipedia excerpt about the Grammys
Like the Oscars, the Grammys, which currently have 108 categories within more than 20 musical genres of music, are voted upon by peers (voting members of the [National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences]).

Wow. I wonder just who these "voting members" are. Are they everyday Joe Blow Americans? Or are they a select cadre from people in the entertainment industry?

A select cadre, who has: 1) enough political opinion to fill some shitty, feeble attempt at a backlash, but also 2) no way to exert this political opinion save for voting in meaningless awards ceremonies.

Yeah, that sounds about right. The Dixie Chicks won awards because a Left-leaning Academy had to make some political statement, right? Don't even try to wiggle out of it, that's just embarassing. I'd have more respect for you Leftists if you just admitted basic concepts like that. As it is, you don't. And as such, I feel sorry for you and your ignorant ilk.

The people have not spoken. The select cadre has spoken. If you feel that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences represents the best interests of you or me or your employer or your childrens' education or your religion or your lack thereof, then holy shit you don't deserve the privilege of voting in elections that decide our elected officials or policy. If you are so ignorant and celebrity-deluded that you think the NARAS represents your best path to the American Dream, then you're probably the same person who was completely devastated that Anna Nicole Smith breathed her last slutty breath.

I was just going to leave this post simply as my friend's myspace rant followed by my two-point rebuttal below. But holy shit, you Leftist-ignoramuses out there really did need everything in between spelled out for you. Especially about the bullshit that is Loose Change, so go back and read the maddox article again...

Tio Jaime's rebuttal, from Fort Tio Jaime, Your Red State Outpost in the Blue State Frontier
1) Toby Keith is a registered Democrat. 2) Blue America didn't give a fuck about Country Music until the Dixie Chicks came along. Trust me. The average Northern California Leftist can't name the Dixie Chicks.

I fuckin' hate my Blue State fuck-up neighbors,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Stupid women. Fucking up a perfectly crumulent study...

I could post a lot more today, but work is somewhat busy. Perhaps I'll have some funny videos from the linkdumps later this afternoon. But for now, I couldn't resist this one...

I was reading some yahoo! news headlines, finding good stories. I found one that talked about how napping is good for you (heh). Unfortunately, I got bored with the article real quick and was about to close it when I just barely caught this line.

My favorite line from the yahoo! news article. Emphasis mine.
It's likely that women reap similar benefits from napping, but not enough of them died during the study to be sure, said Dr. Dimitrios Trichopoulos, the study's senior author and a researcher at Harvard University and the University of Athens Medical School.

That's pretty funny. So I started to read the rest of the article, but got bored again. So i reread the funny line. About not enough women dying.

Even if you're a humorless feminist, that line should be funny. Not as funny as how exactly you ended up at the SHoP, but it's up there. Maybe that foreign doctor fucked up his engrish? I mean, the way this line was written it sounded like there were a bunch of doctors reviewing their results and complaining to each other, "Fuck! Why don't more of these old C-bombs just fucking die already?!?"

Which, interestingly enough, is what I think pretty often when having to interact with my old, aging-hippie-chick neighbors.

Ooh. Cheap shot? Yes, probably.

But I have to burn lines to get the 240 pixels that will take me to the end of that hippiechick jpeg I put on the right.

Am I there yet? A few more carriage returns should do the trick...

Anycrap, yes. I do wish that more of my selfish, leftist, hippie neighbors would curl up and die already. That'd free up parking on my street, at the very least...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Goodbye, Vickie Lynn...

This post is mirrored at Tio Jaime: Aleph One, as I was unable to post to the SHoP earlier today... It's here now, so enjoy!

---

I was trying to figure out various post titles... here are some of the runners-up. (And note, Little Brains, the correct plural of "runner-up")

Say it ain't so!

If I'm correct, that was the headline in the local papers when Joe Montana announced he was leaving the 49ers... or was it the Giants threatening to move to St. Petersburg?

I would've liked to have known you, but I was billions too poor...

Going with the Candle in the Wind theme here. Believe me, if I could embed some shitty MIDI, I would. And did nobody remember the horrible MIDIs of the mid/late 90s? I put them up at my xanga page for a while, until I myself was too annoyed by them. But WTF, no, now myspace felt the need to reintroduce embedded shit-music? Thanks, assholes.

Oh, I guess the real meat-and-potatoes-and-sweater-kittens of this post? Anna Nicole Smith died at age 39 today. I remember her being pretty hot before going the WHORE route, and then the nasty route. Here. wikipedia entry for you.

Well shit. Since I was stupid enough to link my blogger.com (fuck you, I ain't giving you a link) to my gmail account, now I can't get into the SHoP. And SHoP Overlord SixHertz isn't near his computer. So my devious plan of capitalizing on society's loss in the name of a SixHertz traffic spike is quickly taking a giant shit on itself.

I'm gonna mirror this post somewhere else for now...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Petty Officer Third Class Pablo Parades, First Lt. Ehren Watada... whatever!

I mean really, let's not look at the reasons for or against ditching a deployment to Iraq.

Let's instead look at the mainstream American Left.

The next Leftist I see, I'm gonna ask him/her about Pablo Parades. Hopefully, I'll run into a leftist at some "Free Watada" event, that'll make it all the sweeter... Lay 9 to win 5 that my hypothetical Leftist won't be able to tell me who Pablo Parades is or what he did back in 2004.

I've believed this for a long time now, and Parades is a good example of this (Watada will be a good example, give him a year)-- The Left will prey upon your stupidity and leave you in the cold once you've outlived your usefulness to them.

I'm gonna delete comments specifically about the war or chickenhawks, because those indicate that you didn't read what little post material there was to begin with. You've been warned.

"with or without you... the deal will proceed forward"

The commercials yesterday sucked. I expected a lot more. But I was able to catch wind of The Amazing Race All-Stars coming up soon (fuck you Boston Rob), and this series premiere right here...

Live, 3am Criticism of the series premiere of Rules of Engagement

You are now in chat room "AIMeatsmypoo." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:00 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:19 PM): OK, we're gonna have the series premiere of Rules of Engagement in a few minutes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:50 PM): and again, MwHCock is the perfect example of TiVo abuse... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:12 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:28 PM): OK maybe not yet... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:39 PM): OK, here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:47 PM): "When you're single, you're exactly as happy as you are. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:55 PM): When you're married... oh shit i missed it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:57 PM): ooh megyn price... she's hot dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:58 PM): "with or without you... the deal will proceed forward" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:25 PM): ooh wow his fiancee has nice hips JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:48 PM): you backed into a pole because you're a dumb housefrau who shouldn't be permitted to drive JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:28 PM): LOL letterman JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

That was kind of a short 3amC. This show has Megyn Price (who is freakin' HAWT) and Patrick Warburton, who I remember as Johnny Johnson from Season Five of Newsradio. He was the rival of Jimmy James. He from whom "Unka Jimmy" and consequently "Tio Jaime" were born.

This should be a good show, although it was somewhat like Till Death with Brad Garrett. Robert Barone versus Johnny Johnson would be an awesome showdown.

I meant to mention earlier, the Super Bowl had shitty commercials this year. The only ones I liked were the GM robot commercial, the Bud Light hitchhiker commercial, and that's probably it. I thought that Coke was rolling out their Coke BLAK by showing black people, but was disappointed that they were just playing the race card. I was impressed by the ads for this TV show as well as the motorcycle movie, but with a star-studded cast like that, I'm guessing that they shot their wads in the trailer...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith