Slow News Day, I suppose...

I shudder to think what trolls may have scraped off the bottom of the barrel in the name of a post on this a Happy Friday.

Oh Christ. I just checked, and it was business as usual. Why do I do that to myself? Take my word for it, Citizen SHoPpers, there's nothing over there. Click on a SHoP label if you're bored enough to consider checking out shitty antics elsewhere...

But even the SHoP is not immune to slow newsdays. I was shook awake for about 10 seconds this morning, but quickly concluded that it was nothing major, and went back to sleep.

Magnitude 4.2 quake rattles East Bay
4.2 temblor shakes stuff off shelves, but no major damage

I didn't think the Leftists here could ever get so bored with Bush that they'd get excited over a 4.2 earthquake.

Seriously, even Cindy Sheehan updates would've been a better read. At least those get me riled up.

Well anycrap, about the stupid "earthquake"... here's my review. It was one of the bigger ones over the past few years, but that doesn't say much. This was too big to go unnoticed, so it wasn't small. But it was too small to get me out of bed, so it wasn't very big. It was a mediocre earthquake all around. My parents about 60 miles south didn't even feel or hear about it.

I'm getting BBQ and going shooting. Ain't the Frontier great?

Non Sequi-TioJaime

This Copenhagen is kinda nasty, but I feel obliged to finish the can.

Also, these little Yoplait single serving containers make handy spit-cups.

<update time="1034">
And then when you burp salami sandwich, the nastiness increases five-fold.

And in the spirit of the non sequitur, I have a new SHoP Label!
</update>

Goodbye, Vickie Lynn...

This post is mirrored at Tio Jaime: Aleph One, as I was unable to post to the SHoP earlier today... It's here now, so enjoy!

---

I was trying to figure out various post titles... here are some of the runners-up. (And note, Little Brains, the correct plural of "runner-up")

Say it ain't so!

If I'm correct, that was the headline in the local papers when Joe Montana announced he was leaving the 49ers... or was it the Giants threatening to move to St. Petersburg?

I would've liked to have known you, but I was billions too poor...

Going with the Candle in the Wind theme here. Believe me, if I could embed some shitty MIDI, I would. And did nobody remember the horrible MIDIs of the mid/late 90s? I put them up at my xanga page for a while, until I myself was too annoyed by them. But WTF, no, now myspace felt the need to reintroduce embedded shit-music? Thanks, assholes.

Oh, I guess the real meat-and-potatoes-and-sweater-kittens of this post? Anna Nicole Smith died at age 39 today. I remember her being pretty hot before going the WHORE route, and then the nasty route. Here. wikipedia entry for you.

Well shit. Since I was stupid enough to link my blogger.com (fuck you, I ain't giving you a link) to my gmail account, now I can't get into the SHoP. And SHoP Overlord SixHertz isn't near his computer. So my devious plan of capitalizing on society's loss in the name of a SixHertz traffic spike is quickly taking a giant shit on itself.

I'm gonna mirror this post somewhere else for now...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

"They were a couple of days from a test, and a few days from doing it."

Just thank your lucky fucking stars that John Kerry took a shit on himself back in 2004. Would this plot still have been foiled had you sick, Blue State Fuck-ups been in power?

No. Because within minutes of being sworn in, you would've repealed the Patriot Act, caved to the ignorant whims of Crazy Aunt Cindy Sheehan and ran away from Iraq and Afghanistan. You would have concentrated on shitty things like Gay Marriage and unfettered abortion for minors and other retarded things along those lines.

UK arrests 24 in plane plot
U.S. Says Terrorists Planned Dry Run

Anything poignant to be said has been said already by other bloggers who have more time than your Favorite SHoP Overlord. Click on any of the links in the SHoP blogroll to your right if you want more information.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia tonight, 10pm PDT. Come find me online if you want in...

Full Metal Jacket, the Rolling Stones, Bachelor Party, FUCK YEAH!, Pittsburg(h) Amy, and Doing Our Part to Kill Leet-Speak

Pretty hefty motherfucker of a post for you this morning. Can you handle it? Of course you can, Citizen SHoPper! Press on... HFS what? 2/8/06, 11:34 PM TioJaime: new SHoP posts for you SixHertz: HFS SixHertz: whatup, dude. TioJaime: HFS what? 11:35 PM SixHertz: HFS, I dunno. I'm in fucking Irvine. TioJaime: HOLY FUCKING SHIT SixHertz: I KNOW! TioJaime: HOLY DOG SHIT IRVINE SixHertz: YEAH, IRVINE! TioJaime: ONLY STEERS AND QUEERS COME FROM IRVINE SixHertz: O RLY? TioJaime: YA RLY! SixHertz: NO WAI! Just joining us, Citizen SHoPper? Click on the links for cross-references to inside jokes. See? Not even Don and Mike do that for you. i almost put a fake link to shitantics.blogspot but i stopped myself 11:40 PM SixHertz: Man with large synonym for rooster. HA! SixHertz: excellent posts. TioJaime: hans bricks commented... TioJaime: and now i'm commenting on my own post in response TioJaime: i almost put a fake link to shitantics.blogspot but i stopped myself SixHertz: ok, I commented. take a look. :P TioJaime: OK 11:45 PM TioJaime: OK and i commented back TioJaime: LOL SixHertz: LOL SixHertz: okay, so what's this "arouse a dead man" euphemism? I don't listen to rolling bones. SixHertz: heh, bones. TioJaime: someting about "she makes a dead man come" TioJaime: beats me... go download the lyrics SixHertz: oh, that's right. 11:55 PM TioJaime: good stuff over @ marknicodemo.mu.nu TioJaime: fairy wire might even agree w/us 12:00 AM SixHertz: hehe, lemme check TioJaime: hey can you change the TTLB animal? TioJaime: change it to "Man with Huge Synonym for Rooster" 12:05 AM SixHertz: BOXER urges Sheehan not to challenge Feinstein?! BAAAHAHAHAHA TioJaime: oh that's gonna be great! SixHertz: So, Jesus and Muhammad walk into a bar... SixHertz: ... SixHertz: we should just make a whole bunch of lurid muhammad jokes. We didn't go down that route. Instead, I opted for an inappropriate non sequitur and that seemed to do the trick. and why aren't all of them e-mailing me themselves? TioJaime: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=bobo%27s%20scrotum%20polish&spell=1 TioJaime: we're #1 for "bobo's scrotum polish" TioJaime: and like #5 or 6 for "john london's inferno" 12:10 AM TioJaime: OK due TioJaime: dude TioJaime: i'm going to bed TioJaime: too tired even to rub one out TioJaime: WTF SixHertz: ugh. SixHertz: heh SixHertz: 'night TioJaime: whoa whoa, steve d is confirming w/marc h and scott b TioJaime: who are these dudes, now? TioJaime: and why aren't all of them e-mailing me themselves? SixHertz: Shiraz's brother, and his two friends. 12:15 AM SixHertz: Steve is in Minnesota, Marc lives in Chicago, and Scott lives in Denver. SixHertz: Oscar lives in North Carolina SixHertz: Lynn lives in New York. SixHertz: Merry fucking christmas SixHertz: San Diego, Oakland, San Jose, Seattle SixHertz: People from all across the country SixHertz: Actually, take back seattle. He lives in Monterey, now. TioJaime: and strippers from all across the country as well, my friend TioJaime: and handguns from austria SixHertz: fuck yeah This was in reference to a bachelor party e-mail I sent out earlier in the week. I'll try to post it later today. And it seems that we've hit a slow spot in the chat. Fortunately, SixHertz and I then created what will become one of the greatest games EVER to grace the pages of the SHoP. We're surprised that nobody else has thought of this game yet. You can figure it out. you win this round of FUCK YEAH! 12:20 AM SixHertz: fuck N A TioJaime: ya rly! SixHertz: o rly? SixHertz: fuck no wai! TioJaime: oh f*ck ya rly! SixHertz: SHIT YA! TioJaime: F*CK YA! TioJaime: FIREARMS! FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: DILDOS! FUCK YEAH! TioJaime: TRANSVESTITE STRIPPERS! FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: HAMSTERS! SixHertz: FUCK YEAH! TioJaime: SNUFF FILMS! FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: CHICKENSHIT! FUCK YEAH! TioJaime: GOLDEN SHOWERS! TioJaime: FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: MASTURBATION! SixHertz: FUCK YEAH! TioJaime: OH FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: or FUCK ME! TioJaime: CIRCUMCISION! TioJaime: FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: FUCK NO! TioJaime: FUCK NO? SixHertz: NO WAI! TioJaime: LOL SixHertz: :D TioJaime: you win this round of FUCK YEAH! SixHertz: ROFL! 12:25 AM TioJaime: we'll play again SixHertz: hahahaha Still stumped? Check out Team America: World Police. Pay close attention to the soundtrack. Or shit, just download "America, F**k Yeah!" from your peer-to-peer of choice. Again, as before, click on the link to find the origin of the inside story. Keep clicking on the link until you find the first occurrence. I know you're curious. You are not you. You are me. SixHertz: get your ass to mars. SixHertz: **name that movie** TioJaime: You are not you. You are me. TioJaime: No shit. SixHertz: lol SixHertz: u got it SixHertz: o rly TioJaime: OK dude, really gotta get to bed SixHertz: ok, night TioJaime: ya rly! SixHertz: pigfux0rs! TioJaime: picking up pittsburg(h) amy from the airporx0rs tomorrow SixHertz: P15fVX0rz SixHertz: whoah SixHertz: you never sent me a pic TioJaime: yeah TioJaime: oh fuck me TioJaime: OK tell you what TioJaime: i'm gonna save this in the drafts right now TioJaime: and tomorrow, when i make the final edit TioJaime: at work SixHertz: haha TioJaime: i'll forward you the pics TioJaime: fair enough? Whoa. That reminder worked like a charm! I just sent the pics out. I didn't find the Total Recall pic I wanted. I wanted the one where Hauser is talking to Quaid via the vidscreen. I hope that this one is OK for now. maybe we can kill it off right here in the SHoP SixHertz: More profanity on the SHoP. What else esta nuevo? SixHertz: I wanna start putting up upside down questionmarks on the shop TioJaime: anything less would be uncivilized SixHertz: damn right TioJaime: go for it dude! TioJaime: You're a SHoP Overlord TioJaime: oh, and check out www.rhothetaphi.org/jimmy/SITS SixHertz: just to poke fun at the faggoty ass brazilians who think their shit don't stink TioJaime: episode 2 is up SixHertz: wait...that's only spanish. SixHertz: nevermind. 12:30 AM TioJaime: what's only spanish? TioJaime: the podcast? SixHertz: the upside down ??'s SixHertz: not portuguese. SixHertz: I should know this stuff, really. TioJaime: oh i see what you're saying TioJaime: fuck these foreigners TioJaime: we should all speak in binary TioJaime: 11001001 SixHertz: 000100101010101000100101010010 TioJaime: 0 r1y? SixHertz: 110010101001010101fuck100010101all100101010foreigners0010010 SixHertz: read between the lines! SixHertz: motherf10101cker! SixHertz: ya r1y! SixHertz: haha SixHertz: n0 wa1! TioJaime: n0 wa1!!!!!!!!!1 SixHertz: ROFL! SixHertz: okay, chickenfucker, go to bed. :D TioJaime: I think we've taken internet fads and leet-speak to new lows (TJ: more on internet phenomenons here) SixHertz: haha TioJaime: maybe we can kill it off right here in the SHoP TioJaime: if not now, when? TioJaime: if not us, who? SixHertz: n0 \/\/41!!!!!11!1 TioJaime: LOL TioJaime: goodnight dude SixHertz: |\|0 \/\/41!11!! SixHertz: ok, night buddy The Secretary says bring flowers to the airport. I'm inclined to disagree. What say you, Citizen SHoPpers? Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

so... no indian doctors or nurses, but hey indian patient with neverending boner!

Whoa. KGO-TV news is telling me that there was a earthquake an hour and a half ago. Didn't feel a single thing. I was putting laundry away.

Moving on. The best part of the episode was when they played the Greenskeepers' song "Lotion". Look it up. Find the video. Too bad they ruined the song by actually referring to Buffalo Bill and the lotion...

OH AND WHAT IS THIS SHIT? CINDY SHEEHAN CRYING? AND NOW SHE'S LAUGHING AND SMILING! WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!

I'm gonna stop watching the news, as it just makes me mad.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Grey's Anatomy! And it doesn't suck!

You are now in chat room "GASucksPoop." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:52:27 PM): hello dere TioJ (9:52:30 PM): oh wonderful TioJ (9:52:46 PM): i'm reading the plot for tonight's Grey's Anatomy TioJ (9:52:51 PM): i'm predicting a major suck-fest TioJ (9:53:38 PM): good thing i have D&M to tool around with TioJ (9:53:45 PM): a few minutes and we'll be underway TioJ (10:01:09 PM): here we go TioJ (10:01:10 PM): TioJ (10:01:49 PM): OK meredith having another whore moment TioJ (10:01:54 PM): ooh boyshorts TioJ (10:02:05 PM): ooh HFA TioJ (10:02:24 PM): ooh stupid dr. izzie and frat cockt0r TioJ (10:03:07 PM): ooh space needle! TioJ (10:04:00 PM): ooh sandra oh in a bra TioJ (10:04:08 PM): funny how i'm OK w/that TioJ (10:04:32 PM): oh, was dr. ellen's dude some indian guy? TioJ (10:05:13 PM): whatta fag TioJ (10:05:36 PM): george is folding his laundry while his female roommates talk to him about flaccid BF problems? TioJ (10:05:52 PM): she has big teeth TioJ (10:06:32 PM): Booger! TioJ (10:08:39 PM): "they always look so sad when i kick them out" TioJ (10:09:34 PM): and his boner won't go away TioJ (10:09:37 PM): and he was indian! TioJ (10:09:47 PM): "nobody knows where they might end up" TioJ (10:15:25 PM): priapism! TioJ (10:16:26 PM): so... no indian doctors or nurses, but hey indian patient with neverending boner! TioJ (10:17:35 PM): "are we feeling existential this morning?" TioJ (10:19:28 PM): whoa Greenskeepers! TioJ (10:19:35 PM): "Lotion" TioJ (10:19:41 PM): which is a grace song TioJ (10:20:04 PM): it puts the lotion on its skin! TioJ (10:20:06 PM): or else it gets the hose again! TioJ (10:20:13 PM): it puts the lotion on its skin! TioJ (10:20:17 PM): or else it gets the hose again TioJ (10:20:22 PM): yes precious, it gets the hose TioJ (10:20:55 PM): wow this episode doesn't suck! TioJ (10:21:23 PM): dr. izzie-whore! TioJ (10:22:17 PM): "lotion in the basket" said george TioJ (10:22:45 PM): shitty way to tie into the Greenskeepers song TioJ (10:26:06 PM): ooh dr. izzie whore TioJ (10:28:16 PM): hmm TioJ (10:28:39 PM): as much as i would like to impale ellen pompeo on my erect penis, i would not like her and HFA to stick needles into my erect penis TioJ (10:29:29 PM): hey, penis blood! TioJ (10:29:38 PM): "congratulations. you're flaccid" TioJ (10:29:47 PM): "never thought i'd be so happy to hear that." TioJ (10:37:06 PM): heh that's shitty TioJ (10:37:19 PM): she should have asked to be excused or something TioJ (10:37:20 PM): WTF TioJ (10:38:03 PM): whoa, was that an indian doctor extra? TioJ (10:40:53 PM): umm, yeah, did nobody see that dr. ellen and dr. patrick dempsey coming? TioJ (10:46:28 PM): nothing she couldn't reveal? TioJ (10:46:45 PM): what if she whips out a flaccid cock? would you wanna know that, blackt0r 2? TioJ (10:47:36 PM): Seattle! TioJ (10:49:24 PM): frat cockt0r fucked up TioJ (10:49:30 PM): and here's syphillis girl! TioJ (10:49:53 PM): i remember her being a lot hotter last year TioJ (10:51:54 PM): and she doesn't have the magenta scrubs anymore TioJ (10:56:49 PM): LOL frat cockt0r and sypillis girl caught by dr. izzie! TioJ (10:59:14 PM): hey this episode didn't suck! TioJ (10:59:34 PM): five young doct0rs responsible for five young lives! TioJ (10:59:42 PM): nothing short of a miracle! TioJ (11:00:00 PM): rosanna arquette guest stars! TioJ has left the chat room.

late night adult chat SHoP party line

Do you wanna meet right-minded political junkies like yourself who believe in smaller government and a strong military? Meet singles from your area who want to party and talk ALL NIGHT LONG!!!

Dial 1-900-69-HERTZ to speak to hot and sweaty sexy Republicans who are waiting to talk to you!

Must be 18 or older

Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Discover, and Paypal accepted. Or at least buy Tio Jaime something off of his Wishlist.

thoooper!

1:20 AM TioJ: my [RACIAL INVECTIVE DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE FOR USE BY FILIPINO REPUBLICANS]! SixH: whatup, [RACIAL INVECTIVE DEEMED INAPPROPRIATE FOR USE BY PORTUGESE REPUBLICANS] TioJ: would you like a complimentary subscription to "Black Enterprise?" TioJ: i got spam offering a year's subscription for FREE TioJ: oh yay! SixH: thoooper! 1:40 AM TioJ: Ok it's xb0x0r time TioJ: this is all Bush's fault... TioJ: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051106/ts_nm/france_riots_dc SixH: oh of course. Anything related to muslims and arabs being unhappy is obviously the fault of neocons. SixH: just victims they are. TioJ: and well, this is a stretch, but Bush Lied... TioJ: http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-angels-scioscia&prov=ap&type=lgns TioJ: and i'm surprised shitantics hasn't found this little bush-bashing tidbit... TioJ: http://weather.yahoo.com/forecast/USIN0624_f.html TioJ: this one... surprisingly not Bush's fault TioJ: but i'm still pissed about it... http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaaf/recap?gid=200511050060 1:45 AM TioJ: these news items from yahoo! just need Crazy Aunt Cindy Sheehan to start drumming up her retard-support SixH: I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to blame "BushCo" for the Monica Lewinski scandal. TioJ: i like how democrats pick and choose their special prosecutors TioJ: fitz? good! starr? evil! SixH: Finazi, 1:50 AM TioJ: finazi? SixH: nvm SixH: go play xbox TioJ: also bush's fault, but we'll forgive him for this: http://fotzo.blogspot.com/ TioJ: NSFW SixH: hey now.

If you're a discerning Citizen SHoPper, you'll ask yourself briefly, just who deemed certain racial invectives inappropriate for use? Well heck, wouldn't you know it's the very people who use that very same racial invective gratuitously...

Tio Jaime, Ministro de los Crimenes de Guerra y del Principal Defensor de la Fe

[update time="0240"]
Fucking SixH. Lemme play San Andreas already! No more naughty adult chat!

you sound like a liberal

2:15 AM TioJ: OK. new post up on SHoP. all i wanted to do was play GTA: San Andreas, man... TioJ: look what you made me do SixH: don't be hatin' SixH: you sound like a liberal SixH: blame me for everything SixH: you homo SixH: ;) TioJ: i'm gonna stick my balls on your forehead 2:20 AM SixH: you go ahead and do that, mr. underhill SixH: or Chavez, or steve, or Leila, or whoever the f*ck you are. TioJ: that chavez fucker is an annoying, deluded, uninformed mexi-fuckup [Yeah, I left that in there. And no, not all Mexi-dudes are Denegerate Fuckups. Just Chavez, off the top of my head. --TJ] TioJ: whatta fuckin' cheesedick SixH: what gets me is that these nimrods put the freeway blog signage up that says "bush lied, 2000 died" bullshit, yet they don't give a crap about the troops. In fact, wasn't it them that said republicans should be drafted? SixH: so what is it? Do they want the war to be prolonged, or not? SixH: moonbats. SixH: sacrifice sanity for the sake of consistency. SixH: or is it really consistency to begin with? SixH: is it....CRACK COCAINE? TioJ: not so much consistency as it is contrarianism TioJ: although i'm somewhat guilty of that as well... SixH: "i'm an anarchist! Let's take umbrage with...EVERYTHING!" TioJ: well shit, look at our Crazy Aunt Cindy! trying to snipe Hillary Clinton? TioJ: WTF? that makes no sense whatsoever SixH: by the way, let's smoke weed and stick it to the man! 2:25 AM SixH: yeah, well, let's just ignore her now. SixH: and she'll magically disappear! SixH: Cindy who? TioJ: no no no! it's more fun to remind the Left of how retarded a poster-child they chose! TioJ: they're embarassed by her now TioJ: so it's up to the Right to maintain the link SixH: I was speaking as a moonbat TioJ: oh, that makes more sense then SixH: isn't it ironic? SixH: don't ya think? TioJ: It's like sticking balls / On Tio Jaime's forehead SixH: Dean wants to play hide the salami

[/update]

Those who live by the Civil Disobedience shall perish by the Civil Disobedience

This (http://www.bapd.org/notices.html)

plus this (http://cgi.ebay.com/WHOLESALE-LOT-4O-...)

is gonna make one helluva SHoP post. Stay tuned. I'm gonna try to free up some time around 06 November - 09 November to go see a new author. Maybe even more than once.

In the meantime, keep an eye on zombietime for what promises to be a bountiful harvest of Little Brains on Wednesday 02 November with a big protest planned for San Francisco. I'd go myself and partake in some Crazy-Aunt-Cindy-Sheehan-recommended counter-civil-disobedience, but unlike these Degenerates, I have to be at work in the middle of the day on a Wednesday. Who'da thunk.

(and speaking of zombietime, check out this here, which I found courtesy of Beth. Thanks for the link, first, and second, what is it with Air Force chicks named Beth? Long story best saved for another time...)

Plausibly Deniably Yours,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

SHoP exclusive!!! Crazy Aunt Cindy Sheehan is an Out-of-touch Peacenik Cow!

"You don't create peace by killing and violence, you create it by more peace."
"[Iraq] was no threat to us."

And I just barely want to pull out the oft-used ProtestWarrior line about facism and naziism and slavery and communism. It's a good line, but I don't think these Leftists are smart enough to realize we're taking jabs at them.

Pulled those two gems above from KGO-TV's 11pm news broadcast, which talks about Cindy Sheehan's latest mind vomit from San Rafael, CA (about 30 mins away from Fort Tio Jaime). Only in the Bay Area does this cunt get such a generous amount of airtime.

Also, the crazy cow has vowed to chain herself to the White House after the 2,000th American KIA. She called for non-violent, civil disobedience to mark this milestone.

You fucking cow. Be careful what you ask for. Because you're gonna fucking get it.

Cordially,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Satur-dee Chat, featuring your favorite SHoP Overlords SixHertz and Tio Jaime!

Happy Satur-dee, Citizens! I was watching Friday Night Lights (which is rapidly becoming my new favorite movie) when I realized I could put on the U$C-UW game and turn on the iChat... gonna shower up now, get some lunch. Cal-WSU in berkeley later tonight for the late game.

hope that's alright...
1:19 PM TioJ: hey, i issued another Jihad TioJ: hope that's alright... SixH: on St. Francis High School, I see. TioJ: fuck st. francis TioJ: but no 1:20 PM TioJ: the post right before that SixH: oh, that's perfectly alright. TioJ: OK good deal

Watching the $C-UW game right now... Another commercial for U$C. Ooh, you had George Lucas. BFD.

God I hate U$C. Although it's now an appropriate time to say hello to a grade school friend of SixH's and mine who went to Bellarmine Prep w/me and eventually ended up at U$C. Hello to sometimes-SHoPper Sabi V. He's in my Friendster list, SixH, go drop him a line.

it's patriaaaahhhtic to make your country lose a war.

TioJ: did you see those shitty stickers? TioJ: how annoying SixH: Yeah, that "Conservatives Hate America" bullshit? TioJ: WTF? that makes no sense SixH: Makes me wanna poop all over Cindy Sheehan TioJ: since when have conservatives been the ones whose patriotism has been questioned? TioJ: if anything, we're over-patriotic TioJ: if such a thing is physically possible SixH: oh, but it's patri-ahhhtic to criticize our government. SixH: as Michael Savage would say. TioJ: LOL i can hear him saying that... TioJ: absofuckinglutely right TioJ: i'm hungry, gonna shower up, get some lunch SixH: it's patriaaaahhhtic to make your country lose a war. SixH: yet say you support your troops TioJ: i fucking hate these peacniks TioJ: i'm gonna spit tobacco juice in her face if i ever run into cindy sheehan... she's in berkeley now TioJ: WTF TioJ: hell, i'll even chew on a weekday if i see her TioJ: just so i can spit in her face SixH: I'm so goddam tired of liberals. 1:25 PM TioJ: that'd sooo be worth going to jail TioJ: think of how much SHoP traffic my incarceration could generate SixH: oh, man, that'd get you a book deal. SixH: You should do it.

Since you wacky wackies out there don't listen to your Tio Jaime sometimes (most of the time?), I'm gonna point you towards a good recurring segment courtesy of Citizen SHoPper and MuNuvian Mark N. Titles say it all.

Cindy Sheehan is Officially Nuts
Cindy Sheehan is Officially Nuts II
Cindy Sheehan is Officially Nuts III

And I hope this is yet another compelling argument for listening to your Tio J. Burn in Hell, Crazy Aunt Cindy...

And this book of which SixH speaks? It would be either the greatest book ever known to mankind which you still wouldn't be able to let your kids read, or more likely, it would lick shit-ass because I'm just some simple engineer who likes to use Don and Mike humor. And that only lasts so long.

On a related note, me and buddy Trosama min Asi hope to have the "Jimmy and 'Trose! Show" podcast running soon. Still in the works, and still quite a ways away, but keep your eyes and ears peeled.

[wets self]

SixH: Yesterday, I saw a sticker that had Bush's face on it, and the text "Pants on Fire" SixH: Made me want to slash the tires on the car and leave a note that said, "I didn't do it". TioJ: or, "Slashing your tires is patriotic. Sort of." SixH: !! :P SixH: or you can just be gay and leave a sign on a freeway overpass then blog about it. TioJ: LOL SixH: pussies. TioJ: "oh freeway blogging is so great! it feels so wonderful! you gotta try it for yourself!" TioJ: [wets self] 1:30 PM TioJ: shit, you gonna make me go to shitasslicks now and find that stupid post? TioJ: damn you SixH: HA!

It was a nice surgical strike: easy in, command-F to search for "capt" on the front page, one click to the archives, command-F to find the word "capt", right-click to Copy the Link, exfiltration. It took me longer to write out that play-by-play than it did to find the shitasslicks permalink. Damn, I'm good.

Origins of "shitasslicks" here. Was a variation on Citizen SHoPper Mark N's pet-name of "shitantics". You shitasslickers confused again? OK, Mark N went from "smithantics" to "shitantics" and Tio J went from "smithantics" to "smithasslicks" and we kinda put the two together to get "shitasslicks".

Holy fuck, do you realize how unfunny these things become because I have to take the time to explain them to you degenerates? I hope for the sake of you Citizen SHoPper Loyalists out there that it's taking somewhat of a "For those of you in Rio Linda..." tone.

And wouldn't it be funny if it turned out that shitasslicks wasn't exactly from the Sac, but was instead raging unintelligibly from lovely Rio Linda...

please let me know ASAP so i'm not trying to defend shitasslicks here on our beloved SHoP

TioJ: I FUCKING HATE THAT RETARD "BLOG OF RAGE" SixH: What kind of dicklicker uses tinyurl? TioJ: actually, that's his one redeeming quality TioJ: weren't you using that shit for a while? SixH: to see what the big deal was. TioJ: ahh TioJ: it seemed kinda useful.... was that not the case? TioJ: please let me know ASAP so i'm not trying to defend shitasslicks here on our beloved SHoP SixH: I just determined it was a method of hiding the true nature of the url. 1:35 PM SixH: so, if one were to make a link to that kos website, I wouldn't be able to know where it was going until I clicked the damn link. TioJ: oh shit, so you could put up a tiny url on your site, point it towards a certain love association between men and boys here in north america... and send your unwitting readers and their IP addresses to potential FBI monitored sites? SixH: yup. SixH: or NSFW sites. TioJ: oh fuck, i ain't never gonna click on one of those again TioJ: well i'm Ok w/NSFW TioJ: even @ work TioJ: i'm not OK w/my IP address being put on a watchlist SixH: or virus-laden websites. TioJ: oh, and if i can break the fourth wall here for a second... please take note Citizen SHoPpers, the tiny url above is pointed to Cal Football... SixH: shuuuuurrreee it is. SixH: ;) TioJ: OK I lied TioJ: it's gonna be Cal Cheerleading SixH: mmm.. TioJ: OK i'm hungry and dirty SixH: ok, tmi. TioJ: so i'm gonna shower and then get lunch SixH: ;) SixH: ok, later, buddy TioJ: see ya dude TioJ: FUCK YOU SHITASSLICKS 1:40 PM SixH: SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES! TioJ: MANDATE, MOTHERFUCKERS, MANDATE! TioJ: FUCK THE SAINT FRANCIS LANCERS!

Well now that it's over an hour and a quarter-and-a-half worth of U$C-UW later, I'm gonna shower up, get some lunch.

go bears,
Jihad Jimmy
Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Bigger fish to fry, eh Leftists?

Screw wacky Iraqi religious zealotry. We got female soldiers giving lapdances to terrorists.

Good thing you Leftist Hippie Bastard Humps have your priorities straight and all. We wouldn't want to do anything demeaning or degrading like win a War or something like that.

Seriously, all pictures of Tio Jaime committing war crimes on himself in Las Vegas aside, where's the indignation? Where's the uproar? Almost a thousand dead iraqis, and not a peep from Cindy Sheehan who very recently became a good friend of Arabs if only because it makes here all the more effective an enemy of Israel? You laugh now at crazed Vacaville loonies, but just you wait.

Here, some P.J. O'Rourke to rattle your cage a bit...

Excerpt from P.J. O'Rourke's Peace Kills, pg. 140

And I don't blame most nations for not supporting the United States. The world is full of loathesome governments run by criminals, thugs, and beasts. When President Bush mentioned "regime change," hairy little ears pricked up all over the earth. Beads of sweat broke out on low, sloping brows. Bloodstained, grasping hands began to tremble. Poor Colin Powell had to get on the phone to various hyenas in high office and explain to them that America itself was in need of regime change from 1992 to 2000, and we didn't precision-bomb the fellow who was responsible, and we only impeached him a little.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Early Sun-dee morning chat! Now with Fiber!

THE FOLLOWING CHAT TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 3:00 AM ON TIO JAIME'S SISTER'S BIRTHDAY.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Ahh, sweet sweet poop-can. Try to avoid it at all costs. The alternative is somewhat trite, but stick to the oft-referred-to Whoop-Ass.

you opened the poop-can

2:23 AM SixH: [RACIAL INVECTIVE]!!!! TioJ: que es el dealio? SixH: I could ask you the same question. TioJ: brb TioJ: dumpcon 2 SixH: heh 2:25 AM TioJ: false alarm TioJ: second one today TioJ: was just a huge fart SixH: jesus christ, dude. Get some fiber. TioJ: huh? TioJ: what does that have to do w/farting? SixH: you're all clogged up, man. SixH: you need to clean out the insides. SixH: colon blow, dude. TioJ: umm TioJ: i think i'm just abnormally gaseous SixH: ok, fair 'nuff. SixH: =D TioJ: i mean, i'm not eating any less fiber than i usually do TioJ: and on a normal day i usually crap twice SixH: ok, dude. I'm not a doctor. TioJ: hey TioJ: you opened the poop-can SixH: I think I'll take some fiber right now. 2:30 AM TioJ: and as such, you must reap the consequences

Dear SixHertz,

Don't Fear the Reaper.

Love,
Tiö Jaime

sounds like a sweet-assed satur-dee night
SixH: I feel all shitty-like inside. SixH: haha TiöJ: so what're you doing @ 230am, besides making me talk unnecessarily about pooping? TiöJ: which, might I add, is a rarity... me not wanting to talk about pooping SixH: using quicken. SixH: takin' care of bidness. TiöJ: sounds like a sweet-assed satur-dee night SixH: oh baby. get some ho's over here and let's get bizzaaayy!

Just wanted to isolate that bit for you all to read. And interestingly, the next morning's Mallard Fillmore touched upon SixH's typo above. I'm not sniping, just wanting to point out that yes, even we your SHoP Overlords (and one Overlady?) make mistakes from time to time. [cough]lordvoldemegan[/cough]

Although upon further review, the quarterback made the comments in a ebonics-mocking manner. The apostrophic error was not made accidentally but on purpose. The ruling on the field is therefore reversed to "Intentional Sarcasm." First down, SixHertz.

have you gotten glares?

TiöJ: sorry i'm not my normal zany Tio Jaime self... i have one emm-effer of a headache TiöJ: and i'm wondering if it has anything to do w/the Skoal SixH: oh shite. SixH: you are dipping? regularly now? TiöJ: well, shit, no. only on Fri-dee and Satur-dee nights TiöJ: i don't think i'm addicted or anything... SixH: hah SixH: right. SixH: that's bloody disgusting. TiöJ: what is? SixH: you're going to get cysts on the inside of your mouth. SixH: or is it mint snuff? 2:35 AM TiöJ: no it's bona fide tobacco... but it's only on the weekends TiöJ: and i use copious Longs generic mouthwash afterwards SixH: jeebus, dude. SixH: you need to move to a bona-fide red state now. SixH: You be a filipino redneck. TiöJ: it's more fun this way TiöJ: blue state leftist pussies don't particularly like it when i spit in the street right in front of them while they're having dinner in their San Francisco restaurants SixH: have you gotten glares? TiöJ: not so much glares as grimaces SixH: hah TiöJ: fuck 'em TiöJ: buncha hypocritical bastards SixH: agreed.

I like how SixH has adopted some British flava' in his exclamations.

God, I love it when their shit backfires on themselves

2:40 AM TiöJ: i still want to have a Guerilla Republican propaganda blitz centered around CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT PREYS ON YOUR STUPIDITY TiöJ: CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT'S FIFI OF THE MONTH SixH: I'm amazed it took the left so long to find its patsy. SixH: and such an asinine one at that. TiöJ: well, they've been trying TiöJ: Pablo Parades TiöJ: just like cindy sheehan, once they used up their 15 minutes and usefulness to the Democrats TiöJ: the Left pulled a Tio J and said "fuck em" SixH: Pablo was just an idiot showoff that tried to gain fame by getting out of a deployment. SixH: if he was a she, he would've gotten pregnant, like a lot of female sailors. TiöJ: absolutely TiöJ: if the Left really gave a fuck about him, they'd be out in force every weeekend 2:45 AM TiöJ: they don't care TiöJ: at least as Republicans, we've come to grips with and are not ashamed of our cold, callous lack of caring SixH: it's like they're throwing a bunch of thumbtacks hoping for a couple to stick on the wall. TiöJ: part of the fun of being republican TiöJ: keep throwing, you fuckers... it's all just riccocheting back into your racist, anti-semitic eyes TiöJ: God, I love it when their shit backfires on themselves TiöJ: it's a gimme! we just sit here in the flatulent comfort of our homes TiöJ: they try some shit SixH: I got my soluable fiber RIGHT HERE! TiöJ: which bites them in their asses

SixH is trying a double reverse option back to the poop. No such luck for him. And a crapload of non-scatological good fortune for you, Citizen SHoPper.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

oh wait, is Accessory to Murder still a felony?

SixH: I liked what I saw on one of the blogrolled sites... TiöJ: what's that SixH: standby... SixH: http://egyptiansandmonkey.blogspot.com/ TiöJ: i just read the post title, already i like where this is going SixH: that dude wants to kill her. 2:50 AM TiöJ: fuck dude, i'll drive him to vacaville TiöJ: drop him off, head over to Cache Creek TiöJ: play some California Craps TiöJ: oh wait, is Accessory to Murder still a felony? SixH: umm, I'm not sure, but I'm willing to bet it's something that stays on the record. TiöJ: hmm TiöJ: in combination w/my unpaid parking tickets, that'll probably end up badly for your Tio J

Sick San Francisco and Oakland and then San Francisco (again) jack-booted parking bastards. Go to Hell. And take your telemarketer night-jobs with you.

falling asleep here @ the keyboard

TiöJ: oh sweet! DNC chair Howard Dean is tied in to this Cindy Sheehan bullcrap SixH: each time I read smithantics I want to shoot a liberal in the face. TiöJ: aww yeah that article was from KGO! 2:55 AM TiöJ: home of your San Francisco 49ers and California Golden Bears! TiöJ: neither of whom really have a quarterback TiöJ: maybe we're gonna try the revolutionary no-QB offensive scheme SixH: LOL TiöJ: oh wait, KGO tv, not KGO radio TiöJ: eff me hard TiöJ: falling asleep here @ the keyboard TiöJ: i'm off to bed, dude TiöJ: happy quickening SixH: me too SixH: night. TiöJ: see ya

[update date="20050830" time="1037"]
Added JACK BAUER above.
[/update]

[grabs crotch, shakes]

If that post title confuses you, read the chat and when it comes up in conversation, try it. Might make more sense that way.

And if you're a female SHoPper, please to be taking a picture and submitting it via e-mail.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Chatting w/SixHertz, 18 August 2005

6:28 PM TioJ: nice post (here and here and here) TioJ: posts SixH: =D SixH: little jab I took at you. SixH: ;) SixH: all in good fun TioJ: hey dude if i can't take it i shouldn't dish it out, ya? SixH: ya! TioJ: i was actually talking about your gas posts SixH: heh SixH: it was a quickie 6:30 PM TioJ: nobody got your C&H line TioJ: and i didn't get your second one TioJ: heh, you like jabs? i gots your jabs right here, baby TioJ: [grabs crotch, shakes] SixH: =P SixH: Lonshanks, Braveheart. TioJ: whoa whoa whoa... TioJ: really? 6:35 PM TioJ: oh fuck me DUMPCON 2 TioJ: brb SixH: google it. go ahead. 6:45 PM TioJ: goddamit go call Superfund 6:55 PM SixH: 5+ SixH: 0/333333333333332n ihO TioJ: ?? SixH: oops SixH: sorry SixH: was moving my keyboard. 7:00 PM TioJ: did you change the blogroll? SixH: i added someobne 7:10 PM TioJ: http://wizbangblog.com/archives/006808.php SixH: cute nerd 7:20 PM TioJ: go check out my comments on rightwingsparkle.blogspot.com 7:25 PM TioJ: jimmy's not pulling punches today

just a couple of Chatty Cathies, gabbing it up

believe it or not, I actually had these links in the back of my mind while steering this chat...

out of courtesy to the NL West, I've linked to the dodgers and padres. i'm counting on them to make a bigger mess of their seasons than the Giants have of theirs.

and because i'm such a good damn friend, I've edited out SixH's swear word. Because he thinks you SHoPpers won't figure out what it was to begin with. Don't get mad at me-- his rules, I'm just try to poke the tiger and run away. Poke and run away, poke and run away.

I'll have the TV shows for you later this morning.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i miss the days when we were the NY Yankees of the NFL

11:29 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and why do i keep watching this twisted gif? 11:30 PM SixHertz: I like it too. 11:50 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Ok goodnight gorgeous JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm off to bed JihadJimmyMWCCDF: have you found me a gun-toting republi-chick yet? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: preferably one who hates hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and has hot-momma boots JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and a commission in the air force would be nice JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or even season tickets to the Giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'd settle for the padres JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit, even the dodgers 11:55 PM SixHertz: I'll keep looking. SixHertz: But some of Shiraz's friends have done the whole republican convention thing. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: much obliged, my friend JihadJimmyMWCCDF: whoa shit SixHertz: yeah, dude. SixHertz: they're hard core. SixHertz: and cute, too. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm guessing a different kind of hard core than the kind that will steal signs and commit misdemeanors JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ooh, speaking of signs SixHertz: hahah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you know those "The War is a Lie" signs that freewayblogger likes to put up? SixHertz: yeah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: I wanna put one up in berkeley that reads... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT PREYS ON YOUR STUPIDITY" SixHertz: LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit dude, you remember pablo parades? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: how's he doing nowadays? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: the Left sure as fuck doesn't know JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nor care SixHertz: hah SixHertz: yeah, he's done JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck him, they used him like a Fifi and threw him behind the bed JihadJimmyMWCCDF: THEY WERE MASTURBATING SixHertz: FRANK AND BEANS! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL? 12:00 AM SixHertz: no SixHertz: hahah SixHertz: DON'T EFF-ING TOUCH MY EAR! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: man what a great fucking movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and she's a niners fan JihadJimmyMWCCDF: hey, you gonna be back in the bay area sometime this winter? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you wanna go to a game at candlestick? SixHertz: I'd like to if I can SixHertz: I'll be going to a chargers game if they play the niners this year JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh it'll be great, you get to see the magnificence that is our beloved 49ers SixHertz: the magnificent suckitude SixHertz: oh man SixHertz: they can only get better. SixHertz: really. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: crap, yeah you're right JihadJimmyMWCCDF: unless they win LESS THAN TWO GAMES this year 12:05 AM SixHertz: ugh. SixHertz: don't remind me. SixHertz: of that shit they called a season last year. SixHertz: York must die. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i miss the days when we were the NY Yankees of the NFL SixHertz: heh, yeah SixHertz: Now we're the Expos. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dude, that's uncool

"got this gooey thing in my ear. it's nasty" LOL

sorry this was late. was in the city last night watching m's/a's at the zoo...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[UPDATE time="11:51"] figured out why mindi and the rest of the normal world was unable to get the 20% question @ the end. probably because that number was from the Dating for Dummies book. which nobody but the geeks will have read.[/UPDATE]

3am Criticism of Beauty and the Geek, episode 4

You are now in chat room “getbentaim.” TioJaime858 has entered the chat room. TioJaime858 (10:29:28 AM): hello dere! TioJaime858 (10:30:02 AM): i really shouldn't have gone to the zoo last night, what w/a flurry of SHoP hits last night because "beauty and the geek lauren" searches TioJaime858 (10:30:13 AM): ooh yeah she's a cutie TioJaime858 (10:30:47 AM): so w/o further ado, here is the 3am criticism of Ashtard Kutcher's Beauty and the Geek, episode 4 (?) TioJaime858 (10:31:18 AM): BEAUTY AND THE GEEK followed by smallville TioJaime858 (10:31:22 AM): yay for social experiments TioJaime858 (10:31:41 AM): the geeks continued their transformation TioJaime858 (10:31:52 AM): yay lauren! "i don't know how to build a rocket" TioJaime858 (10:32:04 AM): geeks had to buy clothes for the beauty TioJaime858 (10:32:13 AM): ooh yeah lumpy butt TioJaime858 (10:32:17 AM): nice job scarlet TioJaime858 (10:32:19 AM): i mean shawn TioJaime858 (10:32:38 AM): krazy jew! TioJaime858 (10:32:45 AM): GTFO shawn TioJaime858 (10:32:54 AM): ooh lauren! TioJaime858 (10:32:57 AM): (and bill) TioJaime858 (10:33:12 AM): ooh hi erika TioJaime858 (10:33:17 AM): hi mindi TioJaime858 (10:33:23 AM): ooh hello lauren! TioJaime858 (10:33:29 AM): ooh scarlet the beer chick TioJaime858 (10:33:44 AM): and what kind of latino family names a daughter scarlet? TioJaime858 (10:33:55 AM): jew in sneak mode TioJaime858 (10:34:04 AM): LOL eat it chuck TioJaime858 (10:34:13 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (10:34:20 AM): Richard, Has Kissed One Girl TioJaime858 (10:34:22 AM): nice job dude TioJaime858 (10:34:41 AM): shit, I've never kissed a NBA dancer TioJaime858 (10:34:50 AM): oh he's in full-on wacky jew mode TioJaime858 (10:34:58 AM): "i wanna continue terrorizing chuck" TioJaime858 (10:35:07 AM): i like the jew, but i hope chuck kicks the living snot out of him TioJaime858 (10:35:16 AM): hi scarlet, beer chick TioJaime858 (10:35:53 AM): chuck wanted to point out that it wasn't 1/2 but 4/7 TioJaime858 (10:36:07 AM): yeah, umm, no shit, i just wasn't enough a nerd to point it out TioJaime858 (10:36:12 AM): rather, i wasn't fast enough TioJaime858 (10:36:13 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (10:36:24 AM): "phone numbers!" TioJaime858 (10:36:29 AM): "getting her digits" TioJaime858 (10:36:36 AM): becoming a man TioJaime858 (10:36:38 AM): what a tool TioJaime858 (10:36:52 AM): yeah, study for getting a girl's phone number TioJaime858 (10:37:23 AM): is that a Dummies Guide to picking up women TioJaime858 (10:37:35 AM): that was kinda staged? TioJaime858 (10:37:38 AM): ooh hi scarlet TioJaime858 (10:37:47 AM): ooh hi scarlet TioJaime858 (10:37:54 AM): still gonna go w/lauren TioJaime858 (10:38:07 AM): go jew-tard TioJaime858 (10:38:10 AM): it's your birthday TioJaime858 (10:38:25 AM): "if you're available, would you care to join me?" TioJaime858 (10:38:26 AM): GREETINGS TioJaime858 (10:38:44 AM): yay, i would love to TioJaime858 (10:38:50 AM): G.I. Jew! TioJaime858 (10:39:06 AM): crazy jew-antics! TioJaime858 (10:39:32 AM): you should've asked me first! TioJaime858 (10:39:34 AM): tard TioJaime858 (10:39:46 AM): fucking asshole! TioJaime858 (10:39:55 AM): kite-ell-in have a seat! TioJaime858 (10:39:59 AM): this guy's kinda cool TioJaime858 (10:40:04 AM): "i'm feeling a little ill" TioJaime858 (10:40:22 AM): "sure, can i have two dinners?" TioJaime858 (10:40:32 AM): now i've been rejected twice? TioJaime858 (10:40:38 AM): lauren, i'm a little ill TioJaime858 (10:40:52 AM): ooh lauren! TioJaime858 (10:41:11 AM): tard TioJaime858 (10:41:16 AM): should've asked her first TioJaime858 (10:41:21 AM): because she's FUCKING HOT TioJaime858 (10:41:35 AM): asking for numbers, nerd-makeovers! TioJaime858 (10:41:37 AM): commercial TioJaime858 (10:41:55 AM): tard, should've asked lauren first TioJaime858 (10:42:05 AM): cute bubbly, blonde texan? ooh yeah TioJaime858 (10:42:09 AM): i bet she votes republican too TioJaime858 (10:42:22 AM): probalby not as informed as other not-so-hot republican chicks TioJaime858 (10:42:27 AM): but i think i'm willing to make a trade TioJaime858 (10:42:38 AM): ooh mindi the sorority girl TioJaime858 (10:42:42 AM): ooh hi scarlet TioJaime858 (10:42:52 AM): nice job w/the toast chuck TioJaime858 (10:43:03 AM): shit, what did jew-boy call him? TioJaime858 (10:43:11 AM): chuck-eroo? TioJaime858 (10:43:14 AM): chuckeroo TioJaime858 (10:43:24 AM): yeah talk palestine and quakers to the beer chick TioJaime858 (10:43:40 AM): good luck nerd-dude! TioJaime858 (10:43:57 AM): you tell that nerd, bitch, you tell him! TioJaime858 (10:44:24 AM): ooh yeah bill lookin' hot TioJaime858 (10:44:39 AM): richard "this date w/lauren is my first date ever" TioJaime858 (10:44:53 AM): LOL TioJaime858 (10:44:55 AM): what a tool TioJaime858 (10:45:04 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (10:45:16 AM): "do not bring out a note pad on the first date" TioJaime858 (10:45:28 AM): "you get a D-. there will not be a second date" TioJaime858 (10:45:45 AM): 8 to a 4 to a 3 to a 0 to a -6 TioJaime858 (10:45:47 AM): LOL TioJaime858 (10:45:50 AM): ooh lauren TioJaime858 (10:46:00 AM): LAUREN BEAUTY AND THE GEEK LINGINER TioJaime858 (10:46:04 AM): OOPS TioJaime858 (10:46:15 AM): LAUREN BEAUTY AND THE GEEK LINGERIE TioJaime858 (10:46:25 AM): nerd-makeover time! TioJaime858 (10:46:44 AM): $1000 to get a wardrove TioJaime858 (10:46:48 AM): wardrobe TioJaime858 (10:46:55 AM): gotta figure out sales tax TioJaime858 (10:46:59 AM): in your head TioJaime858 (10:47:01 AM): hmm TioJaime858 (10:47:14 AM): i want a hot chick to pick out clothes for me! TioJaime858 (10:47:17 AM): that's not my mom TioJaime858 (10:47:24 AM): i'm gonna stop RIGHT HERE TioJaime858 (10:47:30 AM): HEY TioJaime858 (10:47:36 AM): NOTHING WRONG W/YOUR MOM BUYING YOUR CLOTHES TioJaime858 (10:47:45 AM): ooh hi scarlet TioJaime858 (10:48:32 AM): yeah right they're adding stuff in their heads TioJaime858 (10:48:44 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (10:48:55 AM): 8.25% sales tax! TioJaime858 (10:49:03 AM): $972.10... LAUREN! TioJaime858 (10:49:04 AM): YAY TioJaime858 (10:49:11 AM): GODDAMIT SHE'S CUTE TioJaime858 (10:49:32 AM): ooh now it's time to dress up your men! TioJaime858 (10:49:40 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (10:49:44 AM): i'm moving to texas TioJaime858 (10:50:07 AM): over $250 for nerd-jeans?!? TioJaime858 (10:50:15 AM): yeah dude, i totally agree w/chuckeroo!!! TioJaime858 (10:50:18 AM): what didn't he say? TioJaime858 (10:50:40 AM): and he did say oy vey! TioJaime858 (10:50:42 AM): rewinding TioJaime858 (10:50:53 AM): he would wear jeans if he had some? TioJaime858 (10:50:55 AM): oh vey! TioJaime858 (10:50:57 AM): oy vey! TioJaime858 (10:51:16 AM): great gay hair salonning TioJaime858 (10:51:27 AM): "you never had highlights before" asked the asian flamer TioJaime858 (10:51:47 AM): OK nerd revealage TioJaime858 (10:51:52 AM): and was lauren the one in the hot shoes? TioJaime858 (10:51:55 AM): rewinding TioJaime858 (10:52:10 AM): ooh white shoes! TioJaime858 (10:52:19 AM): i can't tell TioJaime858 (10:52:22 AM): rewinding one more time TioJaime858 (10:52:54 AM): oh it was kite-ell-in in the hot shoes TioJaime858 (10:52:57 AM): nerd-revealage! TioJaime858 (10:53:03 AM): Shawn TioJaime858 (10:53:12 AM): hey that's cool TioJaime858 (10:53:16 AM): he has boy band hair TioJaime858 (10:53:39 AM): chuck... he looks the same TioJaime858 (10:53:46 AM): except for the boy band hair TioJaime858 (10:53:55 AM): bill... TioJaime858 (10:53:58 AM): whoa TioJaime858 (10:54:06 AM): he looks all metrosexuallissimo TioJaime858 (10:54:27 AM): richard.... jew time TioJaime858 (10:54:44 AM): dude, he doesn't a bit different TioJaime858 (10:55:37 AM): except for the jeans i guess TioJaime858 (10:55:47 AM): sorry had to answer the phone TioJaime858 (10:56:10 AM): heh TioJaime858 (10:56:15 AM): kids test driving a toyota TioJaime858 (10:56:19 AM): see, that's a funny commercial TioJaime858 (10:56:38 AM): had i TiVO this shit, wouldn't have been as cool TioJaime858 (10:56:42 AM): crunch wrap supreme? TioJaime858 (10:56:45 AM): ooh hi TioJaime858 (10:56:57 AM): that looks good TioJaime858 (10:57:04 AM): ooh victoria's secret commercial!!! TioJaime858 (10:57:13 AM): i would like to see lauren in lingerie TioJaime858 (10:57:18 AM): lauren from beauty and the geek TioJaime858 (10:57:20 AM): eff you google TioJaime858 (10:57:42 AM): and finally, not sur ehow, but most of teh BatG hits yesterday were from lauren beauty and the geek TioJaime858 (10:57:45 AM): no mroe krystal TioJaime858 (10:57:54 AM): well, i guess since she got philiminated that makes sense TioJaime858 (10:58:02 AM): and who the eff is the host supposed to be? TioJaime858 (10:58:08 AM): fast forwarding TioJaime858 (10:59:48 AM): City Loft TioJaime858 (10:59:58 AM): ooh jew-boy moving in on scarlet? TioJaime858 (11:00:17 AM): guys, get phone numbers from chicks TioJaime858 (11:00:24 AM): the most in 30 mins wins TioJaime858 (11:00:44 AM): wow, bill gets an extra number? TioJaime858 (11:00:52 AM): holy shit TioJaime858 (11:01:01 AM): ooh bye lauren TioJaime858 (11:01:28 AM): oh yes the challenge beings right now TioJaime858 (11:01:40 AM): yeah don't approach the underage chicks TioJaime858 (11:01:46 AM): "beg your pardon" TioJaime858 (11:01:57 AM): heh crazy dudes TioJaime858 (11:02:11 AM): yeah ask the old dude TioJaime858 (11:02:17 AM): ooh hi tiffany and michelle TioJaime858 (11:02:28 AM): "got this gooey thing in my ear. it's nasty" LOL TioJaime858 (11:02:49 AM): yeah sure, lie to him TioJaime858 (11:03:04 AM): chuckeroo TioJaime858 (11:03:17 AM): and now he's pretending to be a gay TioJaime858 (11:03:19 AM): LOL TioJaime858 (11:03:29 AM): ooh georgia TioJaime858 (11:03:33 AM): oh great she's filipina TioJaime858 (11:04:03 AM): aww yeah cock blockin' TioJaime858 (11:04:07 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (11:04:22 AM): i don't think this'll work in real life TioJaime858 (11:04:27 AM): ooh yeah TioJaime858 (11:04:39 AM): LOL TioJaime858 (11:04:45 AM): she has a husbandTioJaime858 (11:04:57 AM): nice job non-gay bill TioJaime858 (11:05:14 AM): you crazy gay-chuck! TioJaime858 (11:05:21 AM): i think he's defeating the purpose TioJaime858 (11:05:34 AM): LOL no richard don't do that TioJaime858 (11:05:58 AM): talk about the gooey stuff TioJaime858 (11:06:03 AM): scarlet said a bad word TioJaime858 (11:06:07 AM): she needs a spanking TioJaime858 (11:06:36 AM): they should be penalized for fake numbers TioJaime858 (11:06:58 AM): tie in 3rd place TioJaime858 (11:07:00 AM): richard/shawn TioJaime858 (11:07:05 AM): ooh hi scarlet TioJaime858 (11:07:14 AM): i want to spank you TioJaime858 (11:07:19 AM): bill and chuck TioJaime858 (11:07:23 AM): i bet gay chuck wins TioJaime858 (11:07:26 AM): bill w/10 TioJaime858 (11:07:28 AM): chuck.... TioJaime858 (11:07:37 AM): 13! TioJaime858 (11:07:45 AM): too bad he had to pretend to be a gay... TioJaime858 (11:08:21 AM): oh shit, i gotta pick up jeff before meeting lolo and lola for lunch TioJaime858 (11:08:34 AM): oh he's got his cigarette and bandanna TioJaime858 (11:08:43 AM): yay for the jew TioJaime858 (11:08:51 AM): ooh scarlet TioJaime858 (11:08:56 AM): "don't pack" TioJaime858 (11:09:17 AM): ooh yeah scarlet-whore TioJaime858 (11:09:33 AM): ooh goddam scarlet TioJaime858 (11:09:43 AM): kite-ell-in wears the pants TioJaime858 (11:09:53 AM): he's not being injured you krazy jew TioJaime858 (11:10:25 AM): chuck "richard you're an attention whore" TioJaime858 (11:10:52 AM): richard/mindi & bill/lauren TioJaime858 (11:10:55 AM): you bastard TioJaime858 (11:11:01 AM): take that kite-ell-in TioJaime858 (11:11:16 AM): math skills and pickingi up women skills TioJaime858 (11:11:45 AM): ooh numbers like you momma ooh TioJaime858 (11:11:57 AM): firing squad routine TioJaime858 (11:12:03 AM): yeah just beat the crap out of him TioJaime858 (11:12:11 AM): Hate Crime him! TioJaime858 (11:12:27 AM): yeah no shit, well it's because you're a tard TioJaime858 (11:12:31 AM): "don't talk to me, big guy" TioJaime858 (11:13:30 AM): well if it came down to the jew or the Lauren, i'm gonna go w/the lauren TioJaime858 (11:13:48 AM): bill's handicapping themselves @ 90% TioJaime858 (11:13:54 AM): yeah, you're gonna steal scarlet from chuck TioJaime858 (11:13:59 AM): g/l w/that there TioJaime858 (11:14:08 AM): the host's name is brian? TioJaime858 (11:14:17 AM): and mindi wants to shoot richard TioJaime858 (11:14:23 AM): oh hi lauren TioJaime858 (11:14:40 AM): oh hi lauren TioJaime858 (11:15:01 AM): mindi: if a guy gives you 5 dozen roses, how many roses? TioJaime858 (11:15:04 AM): 60 TioJaime858 (11:15:07 AM): ooh yeah momma TioJaime858 (11:15:10 AM): eff you i want lauren to win TioJaime858 (11:15:18 AM): lauren: oh goddam she's cute TioJaime858 (11:15:28 AM): leaving 15% tip, how much on $50 TioJaime858 (11:15:33 AM): ooh yeah TioJaime858 (11:15:36 AM): $7.50 TioJaime858 (11:15:54 AM): mindi: 140lbs and lose 5% of weight, how muhc weigh now TioJaime858 (11:15:55 AM): 13 TioJaime858 (11:15:56 AM): 133 TioJaime858 (11:16:00 AM): nice job, smart chick TioJaime858 (11:16:17 AM): lauren: yard = 3 feet, how many feet in 13 yards TioJaime858 (11:16:25 AM): oh that's easy TioJaime858 (11:16:28 AM): the answer is Cairo TioJaime858 (11:16:32 AM): oops i mena 39 TioJaime858 (11:16:33 AM): mean 39 TioJaime858 (11:16:48 AM): mindi: which is biggest 1/2, 3/8, 2/3 or 4/16 TioJaime858 (11:16:52 AM): ooh nice job TioJaime858 (11:16:55 AM): mindi 3 for 3 TioJaime858 (11:17:12 AM): lauren: $22 shirt $37 pants $45 shoes TioJaime858 (11:17:40 AM): oh goddamit she's hot TioJaime858 (11:17:45 AM): $144 TioJaime858 (11:17:46 AM): d'oh TioJaime858 (11:17:58 AM): oh i just want to buy her things TioJaime858 (11:18:02 AM): and feed her TioJaime858 (11:18:06 AM): FUCK SHE'S SO GODDAM CUTE! TioJaime858 (11:18:46 AM): bill: who should pick up check on first date TioJaime858 (11:18:48 AM): d'oh TioJaime858 (11:18:57 AM): not the guy, but the "asker" TioJaime858 (11:19:04 AM): oh good luck jew-dude TioJaime858 (11:19:11 AM): oh no! wait lauren is one question way! TioJaime858 (11:19:34 AM): what's this 20% shit? TioJaime858 (11:19:39 AM): you fucker TioJaime858 (11:19:50 AM): you philiminated lauren! TioJaime858 (11:19:52 AM): you fucker! TioJaime858 (11:19:55 AM): now i hate you TioJaime858 (11:20:06 AM): richard has kissed two girls TioJaime858 (11:20:07 AM): you fucker TioJaime858 (11:20:10 AM): YOU PIGFUCKER TioJaime858 (11:20:42 AM): yeah it's the first time because this is the goddam first iteration of this lame show TioJaime858 (11:20:47 AM): shit good buy lauren TioJaime858 (11:20:52 AM): ooh hi TioJaime858 (11:21:10 AM): ooh hi lauren TioJaime858 (11:21:22 AM): eff you you jew TioJaime858 (11:21:34 AM): oh bill was the civil engineer TioJaime858 (11:21:41 AM): fuck you priceless commercial TioJaime858 (11:21:54 AM): commercial TioJaime858 (11:22:01 AM): stay chuned for scenes from our next episode TioJaime858 (11:22:29 AM): ooh yueah TioJaime858 (11:22:39 AM): i want to be a part of the social experiment TioJaime858 (11:22:45 AM): next time.... TioJaime858 (11:23:23 AM): how does hiking have anything to do w/being hot or smart? TioJaime858 (11:23:36 AM): and chuckeroo cusses @ the jew! TioJaime858 (11:23:42 AM): ooh i like that TioJaime858 has left the chat room.