Kid Nation: Reality TV show for pedophiles and sadistic scum

I can already tell this is going to be a huge failure...if it makes it on the air over the multitude of complaints.

Kid Nation on CBS

What kind of parent encourages their kid to do this? Sick.

Helmsley's Dog Gets $12 Million in Will. And, oh, around 2.5 billion given to charity...but you won't hear that from the media

I never really followed the whole Leona Helmsley story, and I'm willing to bet a good percentage of Americans don't really follow or remember what she did in the '80's. All I really know is that her husband and her were convicted of tax evasion. Fine. They were caught, and I'm glad they were.

The issue here is media coverage.

The big story about her now after her death is how much she gives to her dog. $12 million. Sure, that's a lot, but only a fraction of a percent of what she gave to her charity trust fund. A trust fund that has already given millions to create state-of-the-art hospitals. Is this covered in the media? Not really.

And nobody asks the question of what happens to the money after the dog dies. I'm willing to bet it goes to charity, too. So the dog is taken care of. At least she doesn't leave Trouble in the care of Michael Vick. PETA should be building an altar to this woman.

In comparison, she stiffs her grandchildren. Good for her. If she wants to force them to make their fortunes on their own, more power to her.

Meanwhile, the mass media condemn this dead woman all for the sake of a catchy headline. Way to go, douchebags.

Cleaned House

Looks like Blogger made some changes to a few things, so now it's much easier to change a template, especially with the 3-column format. This blog is now in XML.

I'm not sure if I'll keep the banner at the top of the Chicago skyline (which is where I'm based now); I may keep playing with the blog over the next couple days, so stay tuned.

Slow News Day, I suppose...

I shudder to think what trolls may have scraped off the bottom of the barrel in the name of a post on this a Happy Friday.

Oh Christ. I just checked, and it was business as usual. Why do I do that to myself? Take my word for it, Citizen SHoPpers, there's nothing over there. Click on a SHoP label if you're bored enough to consider checking out shitty antics elsewhere...

But even the SHoP is not immune to slow newsdays. I was shook awake for about 10 seconds this morning, but quickly concluded that it was nothing major, and went back to sleep.

Magnitude 4.2 quake rattles East Bay
4.2 temblor shakes stuff off shelves, but no major damage

I didn't think the Leftists here could ever get so bored with Bush that they'd get excited over a 4.2 earthquake.

Seriously, even Cindy Sheehan updates would've been a better read. At least those get me riled up.

Well anycrap, about the stupid "earthquake"... here's my review. It was one of the bigger ones over the past few years, but that doesn't say much. This was too big to go unnoticed, so it wasn't small. But it was too small to get me out of bed, so it wasn't very big. It was a mediocre earthquake all around. My parents about 60 miles south didn't even feel or hear about it.

I'm getting BBQ and going shooting. Ain't the Frontier great?

holy shit this is the best solution ever! why didn't the SHoP think of this?!?

Mariane Pearl sues al Qaeda over husband's killing

I think we'd all agree that Al Qaeda sucks (for lack of better word). But really, suing them?

1) Why not just serve them Cease-and-Desist letters? You better make sure the letters are in English, Arabic, Terrorist, Spanish, and American Sign Language. And start thinking of ways to accomodate illiterate terrorists.

2) Why don't I just sue the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres for emotional distress caused by kicking the shit out of my SF Giants? It'll have the same effect...

3) You know what's a better solution than suing Al Qaeda? Killing every last one of them. Man, that'd be Priceless!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

two links and a rant

Chatting with MwHCock. Two links he found, to start off your week.

OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!!
8:15 PM MwHCock: http://wcbstv.com/national/topstories_story_189163601.html JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!! MwHCock: http://www.dansmc.com/priceless.jpg JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's the best Priceless ad or spoof i've seen in 10+ years... the others are just retarded

I myself hate the Priceless ads and spoofs. Nothing screams UNORIGINAL louder and quicker than somebody nowadays trying to gank an idea from this shitty ad campaign which should've been retired before Bill Clinton took office.

Citizen SHoPpers, please join me in trying to eradicate this sub-par fad. With so many other better ones, and at least a million marginally-better ones, why must Americans limit themselves to such a shitty template?

The first two spoofs I saw were funny. The first one was some drunk chicks with an upskirt: "Your beaver posted all over the internet: PRICELESS." The second was a tasteless reference to the Columbine shootings. There. That's it. I don't see why everyody liked them so much-- you could see them coming a mile off. And oh look they jumped the shark and had animated characters. Wonderful.

Go visit those links.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chjief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Deep Impact

Looks like my stupid idea of 3am Criticizing Deep Impact was more trouble than it was worth. But I've already invested a bit of time into this, so I'm going forward with it.

Nothing really to see here, except for a line or two when I talk about how black presidents are a bad idea.

And that's the best I can do with what I was given. Hopefully the offchance of seeing politically incorrect racial jabs make you search the page for "black". And really, what's this about an offchance? It's a practical certainty here on the SHoP! You'd think this is my first day as your Favorite SHoP Overlord...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n

You are now in chat room "DeepImpactedColon." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:17 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:33 PM): I've just opened up Deep Impact and was about to watch JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:42 PM): when i realized that I could 3am Criticize it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:46 PM): a couple of things: JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:04 PM): 1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:39 PM): 2) my second monitor crapped out on me, so I'll have to keep this minimized in the background JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:54 PM): (this being iChat and AIM) JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:43:07 PM): although I suppose I could use my xb0x0r... standby JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:45:12 PM): OK i've cannabalized my TI-81's batteries, and i'm gonna use the xbox so i can surf the internet(s) and leave iChat in the front JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:46:59 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:03 PM): no wait JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:18 PM): and now my phone's ringing

The Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo has impeccable timing. How many times has she called just right when I was about to start another episode of John London's Inferno?

this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers?

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:52:54 PM): OK that was the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:19 PM): OK, here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:58 PM): this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:38 PM): and dude, the quality on my TV is kinda shitty... probably becasue I have my xbox daisy-chained through my vcr... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:51 PM): oh fuck this.... standby

My TV sucks. I don't even have RCA connections in the back, I only have one coax cable in. Don't waste too much time thinking about it. Press on, you've got a long way to go.

Here, we're finally starting the movie. Famous Last Words...

wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:29 PM): OK back to the original plan... chat windows in the background so this'll be a sparse 3am-C JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:48 PM): wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:57:04 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:00:29 PM): is that leelee sobieski? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:02:32 PM): right, i'm sure it's that easy to tell if something's gonna hit the fucking planet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:03:27 PM): oh this guy's gonna die JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:04:51 PM): wow you wouldn't have thought that one little jeep would've been all blowed up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:10:03 PM): oops, time out JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:35 PM): OK we're back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:10 PM): morgan freeman is cool.. but JAMES CROMWELL is freakin' AWESOME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:17 PM): i didn't know he was in this movie!

Unfortunately, I think that was the last time he was in the movie.

well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:37 PM): the FBI! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:47 PM): before i forget, tea leoni is hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:49 PM): ahh he said, "What do you know about E-L-E?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:41 PM): she searched "E.L.E.", and found Extinction Level Event on a berkeley page! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:20 PM): she went to Berkeley's department of paleontology page... heh, ucberkeley.edu

There isn't an actual Department of Paleontology at Berkeley, like the movie suggests. But here is the Paleontology Museum, which is the closest we'll be able to get for now.

we gon' git you, you stupid com-it!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:16 PM): oh damn her new stepmom is hot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:25 PM): a large "spaceship"! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:34 PM): the Messiah! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:25 PM): wait, wasn't there another space movie where they flew up into space and landed on a big rock? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:52 PM): and it's Tom Hagen! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:37 PM): whoa she tied it into James Cromwell! nice job! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): "you know, you're gonna have a lot more sex now than ANYONE IN OUR CLASS" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:39:33 PM): jon favreau! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:42 PM): Red Forman! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:28 PM): "Messiah Mission Day One" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:51 PM): i thought this was the movie where they had to select a certain number of people to evacuate... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:46:34 PM): we gon' git you, you stupid com-it! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:59 PM): so why don't those rocks "the size of houses" fuck up the "spaceship" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:32 PM): right, the comet probably heats up in a matter of fractions of a second... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:44 PM): total recall was more realistic JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:12 PM): "Sit down, sit down. It's OK," tom hagen whispered to the russian cosmonaut. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:53 PM): Ok they're about to blow the nukes, but than I looked at the DVD case and there's a huge wave hitting NYC JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:56 PM): this won't work JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:31 PM): wouldn't an EMP fuck up your "spaceship" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:34 PM): ?

Yes, there's a reason I keep putting the word spaceship in quotation marks. Trust me, I haven't used the word "spaceship" since SixHertz and I were in maybe first or second grade.

there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:05:24 PM): oh see, and now you've just pissed the comet off JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:06:18 PM): heh, "the comets"... nice job america and russia! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:12 PM): "an immense network of caves" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:30 PM): in missouri. yay. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:55 PM): oh this *is* the movie with the evacuation JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:04 PM): "other countries are building their caves too!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:29 PM): there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:51 PM): Deep Impact needs JACK BAUER JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:03 PM): "the ark national lottery" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:23 PM): they're going to notify 200,000 in 5 minutes? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:30 PM): ha ha no men and women over 50 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:11:24 PM): ya according to SSN, that's a retarded idea JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:07 PM): heh, one big comet, one baby comet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:38 PM): they should've taken their stupid "spaceship" and flown it into the baby comet hoping it'd hit the big comet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:00 PM): "Time to Impact 2 Weeks, 3 Days" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:31 PM): OK there wasn't a comma, but there should've been JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:17 PM): Time to Impact 5 Days JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:59 PM): that's kind of a shitty perimeter... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:31:03 PM): Deep Impact kinda makes me wish that a comet was gonna hit Earth before I have a chance to finish the movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:32:48 PM): for fuck's sake, get to the apocalyptic mayhem already JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:02 PM): "Our missiles have failed." JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:09 PM): damn JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:32 PM): this movie needs JACK BAUER

Or at least a different President. Morgan Freeman was kind of shitty as the president, but I understand given the whole comet-gonna-fuck-our-shit-up premise. I think that Jack Nicholson would've been better reprising his role as the POTUS from Mars Attacks! Or Harrison Ford from Air Force One.

get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:47 PM): Time to Impact 10 hours 37 mins JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:44:53 PM): she gave up her seat to the gimpy lesbian from ER JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:08 PM): yay! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:28 PM): oh ha ha, they're making them take the baby JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:47:03 PM): would've been funny if he biffed the dirtbike right there in front of them JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:18 PM): get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:23 PM): E.L.E. me! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:50:29 PM): awesome! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:51:18 PM): yeah, if it was hitting new york, the shoreline would've receded JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:54:09 PM): that's a great idea, show them their families so they can get distracted and fuck it up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:56:04 PM): yeah, fuck the russian guy, huh? should've brought some whores for him JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:09 PM): well OK that was an Ok movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

For fuck's sake, are you through not listening to your Tio Jaime yet?

I'm drunk and I still managed to win $5. What did you do at 2:15 am, California time?

See how much your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime loves you? He even found a blingo.com referral link for you despite the alcohol-induced haze. Sponsored by Jack Daniels.

One of those links is NSFW. So be careful. What's that? Why yes, I'd love some more bourbon!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- please excuse the labels. I kinda got excited. I blame the drunkenness.

What do we want? RUN SUPPORT!!! When do we want it? NOW!!!

I actually wrote this Mon-dee night, but was waiting for them to take my comment down. They haven't yet, so check out the Leftist Degenerate site before they do! --TJ

---

See what happens when you don't play Aleph One or Halo or watch the Giants? Nevermind that the G-men have the day off, so you can't watch them anyway?

oh God, what a joke

AIM IM with MwHCock. 9:11 PM MwHCock: http://impeachforpeace.org/impeach_bush_blog/?p=2400 JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF, why would i follow that link and give them a hit? MwHCock: because it involves your beloved giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this better be good... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh God, what a joke JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you should go comment that link on the SHoP JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i've been posting about the giants quite a bit

It's not that I'm too lazy to post links to the old SHoP posts, but my computer seems to be lagging in something as simple as Firefox while doing something as stupid as typing here in blogger.com. I tell you what: just click on the "Baseball" label, and you'll se a handful of Giants posts. Bye Bye Baby.

Jeff Kent's comment on the Leftist Degenerate post!

WTF President Bush?!? I helped put that banner up– we were talking about Brian Sabean! The grassroots movement to have Armando Benitez was so successful, that we're thinking bigger and bigger now! Who cares about Bush's theocrat lies, I'm just glad we're able to effect change in the bullpen without resorting to violence or other armed conflict. Who do you think was behind Barry making the All-Star team? All the mess in 2000 was child's play compared to mass-punching all-star ballots. We learned our lessons and Left No Chad Behind! Comment by Jeff Kent — July 2, 2007 @ 10:25 pm

Wow! Jeff Kent himself! I can't quite fully bring myself to hate that guy. He's almost as big of a prick as Barry, they say, but he doesn't abuse the press. He wears the Dodger Blue, yes, but at one point he also wore the Yale Blue.

Yes, stupid Cal used Yale Blue. Go Bears.

Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

This was going to be an update to the SHoP post "The weekend thus far", but it grew to the size of a whole nother post.

And yes, my use of the "word" nother was with derision.

---

<update date="20070702" time="2331">
I remembered what I had wanted to say about the Critical Mass pussies! At one point, I had to walk alongside them up 3rd Street away from Pac Bell. When we crossed Brannan Street, a firetruck started barrelling towards 3rd Street. What did they do? They stopped before the intersection and let the truck through.

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. These are the same people who at Berkeley would march for Affirmative Action under the slogan "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" but wouldn't dare resort to physical violence or self-sacrifice. What a bunch of pussies. If they wanted to be noticed past their run-of-the-mill monthly annoyance (and yes, Blue State Fuck-Ups, nowadays you're so predictable that you've lost your edginess), they should've stopped the firetruck. Or are misdemeanors and disruption of daily life too much of an inconvenience for the Modern Left?

The Leftist Degenerates of the 60's were a force with which to be reckoned. They put the Leftist Degenerates of the 90's to shame. And don't even get me started on these Bumper Sticker Degenerocrats of today and tomorrow.
</update>

ROCK THE VOTE!!! or, VOTE OR DIE!!!

I did my part. I voted. About 10 times. Don't worry, it wasn't for anything important...

Excerpt from Final push puts Bonds in starting lineup

Receiving an impressive late surge of votes in online balloting, Bonds climbed aboard the starting squad for the National League All-Star team by finishing third in the voting among outfielders. Bonds will join the New York Mets' Carlos Beltran and Cincinnati's Ken Griffey Jr. in the NL outfield. This marks Bonds' 14th All-Star selection. "I'm at a loss for words," Bonds repeated, appearing genuinely moved by his rally at the ballot box. "I'm surprised. I thought I played good enough to make the team, but I didn't think I'd start. This is great. I just can't say thanks enough to the fans here in San Francisco."

I've never been a huge Barry Bonds fan. I clap two, maybe three times whenever he comes up to bat. I'll consider going to five if there are runners in scoring position. Lately, I've been supporting Barry because it seems to piss off people who aren't Giants fans.

I think the Blue State Frontier is rubbing off on me a bit too much. But it seems to make up for it with sub-$100 R/T airfare to Las Vegas, much like the one being sold on Southwest Airlines' Ding right now...

The weekend thus far

I don't think I have enough shit for an entire post on any of these subjects, but if I put 'em all together, it just might work...

Going to the Giants game last night against the Diamondbacks

You know you're in San Francisco when out of the following...

a) A bumper sticker in a window says cheerily "Vote Democrat!",
b) A bum is peeing on the sidewalk in plain sight just fifteen feet in front of you,
c) Critical Mass disrupts your dinner and you lose your appetite

...the least upsetting thing is b). How bad is that? I place San Francisco Degenerocrats and attention whore-y bicycle activists below human urine.

<update date="20070702" time="2331">

See update in Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

</update>

Diamondbacks 4, Giants 3 (10)

A pretty good game, even if I only saw one of the runs. Fortunately, it was Barry's 750th. That was awesome.

Although, that wasn't as awesome as this dirty hippie right here...

blah blah blah steroids blah blah

It was awesome, he ran out onto the field from the Lower Box seats on the LF side, ran out to Barry, shook his hand as the whole stadium cheered this guy on, was escorted back to the foul line by Barry himself, and then was escorted off by three ushers.

You'll notice that the dirty hippie is barefoot. Typical San Francisco. Two ushers escorted him into police custody, and one usher trailing behind them picked up his filthy flip-flops. This seemed to amuse me a great deal last night, and to a certain extent still does over twenty-four hours after the fact... Go Giants! If I bring my ticket stub to a Giants Dugout store, I get a commemorative 750 button!

Just came back from Ratatouille in none other than Emeryville, CA!

Everybody clapped at the end of the movie; normally, this irritates me to no end because, what, like the people who made the movie are actually in the theater with you to receive your applause?

That thought was running through my mind for a split second at the end of Ratatouille when I quickly realized, well shit, I'm in Emeryville on opening weekend for a Pixar film. They probably are in the audience. Oh, and they're cheering during the credits-- OK fine, they're here. In hindsight, I wish I myself had clapped, then.

Out of the Pixar movies, I would probably put Ratatoulle behind Finding Nemo and Cars and The Incredibles. Probably right on par with Monsters, Inc. Probably behind both Toy Stories. Who knows? It's late and I'm nodding off. I'll likely go to sleep in a few minutes and have nice dreams of Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips and/or Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper.

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

God Bless the Elias Sports Bureau!

This is actually even cooler then when the Giants had an all 40+ outfield...

Excerpt from Old timers' day: record 7 40-year-olds to start Wednesday,

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Break out the Geritol, Ensure and Bengay. It really will be old-timers' day in the major leagues on Wednesday, when a record seven pitchers in their 40s are scheduled to start. The New York Yankees' Roger Clemens (44), Philadelphia's Jamie Moyer (44), Detroit's Kenny Rogers (42), San Diego's Greg Maddux (41), the New York Mets' Tom Glavine (41), Houston's Woody Williams (40) and Atlanta's John Smoltz (40) are set to pitch on the same day. The previous record of six was set last Friday, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, when all but Clemens started.

I'm actually somewhat surprised that 1) my Giants don't have any contributions to the geriatrification of baseball in this article, and 2) infrequent SHoP Overlord SixHertz hasn't provided us with an update of his favorite celebrity and her release from jail.

I'm just racking up the SHoP labels...

love always,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

SHoP Mysteries Explained: YTMND

Ever find yourself wondering just what the fuck your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime and sometime SHoP Overlord SixHertz are talking about? It's probably because they're referencing some inside joke. And you, being on the outside looking in, don't get it. Don't worry though, we're not here to judge. This happens a lot, and not just to you! I find myself playing Catch Up with a new radio show trying to figure out the inside jokes and running gags.

Here on the SHoP, we could let you flounder and research this shit yourselves, ideally by clicking on the "ytmnd" label, but I myself know just how reliable you are when it comes to following enlightening links. You won't. And again, don't worry, we're not here to judge.

But seriously, follow the links below. You'll be a better person for it. Even more importantly, you'll be a better Citizen of the Internet. And that'll pay off in spades. Somehow. Hey look! More header tags!

YTMND Fads

It's very nice how with a few magic html-dealies, a clumsily and blatantly acknowledged non sequitur can be played off as part of the post, isn't it?

You may have heard SixHertz or myself go back and forth with O RLY YA RLY here on the SHoP and derive an inordinate amount of pleasure from something seemingly stupid-- and really, that's nothing unlike how you stupid Leftists blow Rosie O'Donnell each tim she opens her stupid piehole. Well heck, here's an explanation of that ytmnd fad.

These fads start out small and blossom like crazy. Some are more popular than others. Some other SHoP favorites are Safety Not Guaranteed, Picard Song, Nooo!, and What is Love. If you're an extra-lazy Citizen SHoPper, at least check out the "Original YTMND:" listed in the right-hand column.

Facial Expressions and Nigga Stole My Bike are also pretty good. I'll plug those here.

OK, and Medieval.

You wanna get political? Here's some Howard Dean for you. And because they're so good, and you're so lazy, here... 1) hyyeeeahhhh, 2) California (Howard Dean does the OC), and 3) Howard Dean: California Love

OK Citizen SHoPpers, I've linked a lot here for you. Go check 'em out, I'm going to sleep.

STUFF THAT WAS AWESOME WHEN WE WERE PREPUBESCENT, BUT SUCKS NOWADAYS

Watching The Wonder Years right now. No, it doesn't suck nowadays, but we'll address that in a second or two. I'm sure you've noticed that the stuff you liked waaay back when is too suck-tastic even for kitsch-value.

MacGyver

What budding engineer didn't love MacGyver? He was the epitome of awesomeness that required your brain and not so much karate or whatever else. (Or marksmanship, I suppose; MwHCock and I are working on that as we speak.) My favorite episode was where he went back to his alma mater (was supposed to be Cal Tech, but I don't remember what they changed the name to) and had to outwit some crazy kids in a barricade contest. Pretty awesome, except when Monday Night Football wouldn't pre-empt engineering goodness at 8pm.

But watch an episode nowadays. I was excited to buy the DVD boxset, but I haven't made it through the first season. Willing suspension of disbelief comes a lot harder after puberty I guess. The casino riot and gypsy hijinks was cool when I was like ten, not so much in my late-twenties.

Oh and SixH, Shiraz, and Waitress Chick-- MacGyver went to high school in Roseville, MN!

Sledge Hammer!

Hmm, kind of the same problem that MacGyver suffers from. The first couple of episodes are OK-- despite bazooking an entire building--

OK, I take that back. The first couple of episodes suck and should have alerted me to the disappointing nature of the following episodes. They really should've kept the laugh track in the DVD boxset, if only because we really do need to be told where to laugh.

Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper

When we were all Kevin Arnold's age, oh fuck yeah we wanted to make out with Danica McKellar. Even you chicks out there. She was the cute brunette next door, and sometimes she wore go-go boots.

But now, almost twenty years later, you find yourself not attracted to her at all; maybe even repulsed. For fuck's sake, she didn't have boobs. Trust me on this one, I just saw the episode where she goes to a dance, but not with Kevin. She goes with an eighth-grader.

OK, good. Glad to see that your self-loathing reflexes kicked in there, just like they're supposed to. In case you're some kind of sick child molester, you should have remembered how you had a crush on Winnie Cooper some eighteen, nineteen years ago, resurrected the crush, and then milliseconds later dismissed the thought. All-in-all, about one second of processing in your brain there.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Jihad Jimmy, you're sick."

Well, no shit. What other breaking news stories do you have to bring to this hypothetical, internal dialogue?

"Your entire post was just a lead-in to the Making Out with Winnie Cooper bit!"

This is true. What's your point?

"Now I'm thinking about making out with Danica McKellar!"

Is this so bad? I don't see why--

"MAKING OUT WITH HER, BUT IN HER 12-YEAR-OLD FORM!"

Oh my, yes. That is bad. You do realize she had no boobs back then?

"Yeah, I know. But she was still kinda-- NO! SEE? YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!"

I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else. I have MacGyver, Season One on DVD if you're interested...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="2323">
Incidentally, no, there isn't a disconnect between this Winnie Cooper thing and my Emma Watson fixation thing. When she turns 18, whoo momma!
</update>

I can't believe it's not Trek!

Again with the Star Trek?

DUDE THIS IS AWESOME

TioJ (1:16:51 PM): DUDE THIS IS AWESOME TioJ (1:17:00 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCDIBqVsjek TioJ (1:18:39 PM): this too is awesome TioJ (1:18:40 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr2siqaAY78 CalGlock (1:20:13 PM): WOW TioJ (1:20:21 PM): this one is funny too... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CrjYpX5M3o TioJ (1:32:39 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3dJRoaLXtQ&NR=1 TioJ (1:35:10 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tP4LIj9QHM

You know how we engineers just love the Trek. I'd embed these, but that's a bit much...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Non Sequi-TioJaime

This Copenhagen is kinda nasty, but I feel obliged to finish the can.

Also, these little Yoplait single serving containers make handy spit-cups.

<update time="1034">
And then when you burp salami sandwich, the nastiness increases five-fold.

And in the spirit of the non sequitur, I have a new SHoP Label!
</update>

I'm such a bastard

But if you've ever played Castle Wars, you'll appreciate my exacting of my revenge on that bastard Computer...

At this point, I was just fucking with him

Yeah, take that fucker. How do you like those four Curses?!? Eat that, bitchcakes! Oh what's that? I had 12 production units to your 1? Well, it sucks to be you, ASSHOLE. I won on a Curse, fucktard, how does that make you feel? Eat shit! EAT MY SHIT!

So go check out this game. Or, if you value your sanity-- don't. It's so irritating when the computer wins simply because he gets all the good cards and you're stuck producing 2 or 3 each round. Check it out, you'll see what I'm saying. After a day of playing this game, reread this post and it'll all make sense.

You want more games? Check out this old SHoP post here, for Chick Chick Boom and Insaniquarium. And then check out the Insaniquarium posts via the SHoP labels, to see a SHoP obsession from years past. I sure could go for some Hot Pockets right now, even if it is an unoriginal non sequitur...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Joe Montana on his 51st birthday!

Slow day here on the SHoP. But while SixHertz contemplates his next Celebrity Update (i hope he finds some angelina jolie news. Or Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips news), I'll post about a celebrity we can all appreciate.

He's not so much a celebrity here in the Blue State Frontier (you like how I slipped in another SHoP tag?) as he is a demigod. And today is his birthday, according to my calendar.

49ers QB and bad-ass extrordinaire: Joe Montana (b. 11 June 1956)

What kind of bad-ass has Steve Young and Steve Bono as his backups? This guy right here.

wikipedia: Joe Montana
wikipedia: The Catch
Joe Montana's NFL stats
wikipedia: Joe, Montana

I was watching some NFL films special on the 1982 NFC Championship game against the Dallas Cowboys a few years back. After the Dwight Clark go-ahead touchdown, Too Tall Jones said to Montana, "You just beat America's Team."

Montana replied, "Well you can sit at home with the rest of America and watch the Super Bowl."

Happy Birthday, Joe Cool!

Go Niners!
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<update time="1112">
Couldn't find video of The Catch for you, so here's the closest thing...

Also, I'll repost this video, as Montana did spend some time with the Chefs...

</update>

San Francisco's idiocy osmosis

This cancer that is Northern California really needs to be excised from the Union. Really, who'd miss it? They'd be free to be their own retarded selves, practice their own retarded morals and values.

And if you're wondering how Tio Jaime, your favorite Red Blood Cell in the Blue State Cancer has managed to survive this long, part of it is that I'm armed. God Bless THE PURSWADER.

Excerpt from Groom's equal right to a name change would be spelled out in Oregon proposal, emphasis mine

SALEM, Ore. — A woman on the verge of marriage is faced with a plethora of choices. She can keep her last name, take her husband's last name, put a hyphen between the two last names or convince her husband to help form an entirely new surname by combining letters from both their names. State Sen. Vicki Walker, D-Eugene, figured men needed to be aware that they have the same options, so the Oregon Legislature is on its way to making it easier for a groom to take a bride's last name. Walker recently tagged an amendment onto a bill that would redesign the application for marriage licenses. The new-look application would include room for a box where the man and woman could write what they'll be called after their wedding day. The applications now have boxes for the bride's and groom's current names but no place to put what they want their new surnames to be. Walker's amendment clears up laws to state specifically that either party can take the other's name or they can choose a hyphenated combination. "We are no longer a patriarchal society," Walker told senators this week before they passed House Bill 3120 in a 19-11 vote. "This simply makes it fair." Walker told The Oregonian newspaper that she got the idea while looking at a copy of Ms. magazine.

Oh please. Where to begin...

OPTION 1: Just because, State Senator Vicki Walker, you look ugly enough to be a man and therefore are not able to get a man, that doesn't mean you should be allowed to fill the heads of impressionable Oregonian skanks with stupid ideas like making their future husbands adopt different names. We do, as a matter of fact, still live in a patriarchal society. The minute that I-- rather, the minute that society-- would prefer to have women soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, police officers, firefighters, prison guards, and... crab fishermen(?) over men, then and only then will we not have a patriarchal society. Good luck, ladies...

OPTION 2: I will still maintain that the best things to come from Oregon are my sales-tax-free computer, the Seven Feathers Indian Casino, and two strippers named Devon and Sunshine.

OPTION 3: Yo, she-male, LIFE ISN'T FAIR. Deal with it. If Life was supposed to be Fair, God wouldn't have made you look like an Afghan Hound.

Jihad Jimmy, Red Blood Cell in the Blue State Cancer

<update time=1359>
OPTION 4: Wait, she got the idea while LOOKING at a copy of Ms. magazine??? She wasn't reading or perusing... she wasn't even skimming an article or two? She looked at the magazine cover? Great. Way to go, feminism.

And you wonder why I want to disenfranchise you.
</update>

Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Apparently, the jackasses in LA can't figure out how to keep someone in jail, but at least she's back now.

And the slut whore is in pain. LOVE IT.


AND IT FEELS SO F*@KING GOOD!

Why am I reveling in her pain? No, not just because I hate her guts and she's a waste of skin, but because she is UNAPOLOGETIC about driving drunk. People seem to forget that, including Ann Coulter, who's another dumb bitch that should be shot.

wouldn't that be funny...

Never before have I genuinely wished death and destruction in tsunami form on a group of down-trodden people. But these Primitives are just asking for it...

some AP story, didn't bother with a link since i copied and pasted the whole thing

JAKARTA, Indonesia - Angry villagers stoned a tsunami warning siren in Aceh province after it accidentally went off, triggering panic in the region hardest hit by the 2004 killer waves, an official said Thursday. Several false alarms in Kaju district early Monday sent thousands of people fleeing to high ground before they were finally urged by police to return home. Roads were clogged with motorbikes and cars for more than an hour. When another siren sounded in nearby Lhoknga later that afternoon, frustrated residents threw rocks at its electrical panel, said Syahnan Sobri of the local Meteorological and Geophysics Agency. "It was too high up, so they stoned it," he said, adding that technicians were being sent to the scene to survey the damage. The 2004 tsunami killed some 230,000 people in 12 nations, almost half of them in Aceh. The country is establishing a nationwide tsunami warning system with foreign funds, but not all of its coastline is covered.

Seriously. The world bands together, helps fix the damage from the tsunami, even helps them set up a tsunami warning system.

And they throw shit at it.

I'm sure I won't be the only one in the world laughing if a tsunami sneaks up on them and oopsie, drowns them all. Great googly moogly.



Man, what I'd give for an earthquake early warning system. The way that California is situated in and around numerous faultlines, we have a few seconds at most. Just enough to halt BART trains. Wonderful.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

BULLSHIT!

It is a great day today in America if your name is Paris Hilton or if you're an illegal alien.

3 days in jail, then "reassignment home" (at her mansion, no doubt with lots of video games and cellphones) because of a "medical condition". Such bullshit for a drunk driving charge / driving on a suspended license. She could've killed someone. Special treatment, plain and simple.

Great how someone can break the law and basically get pardoned, isn't it?

Degenerate Leftists weren't too bright back then either...

Got this from my 365 Sports Facts-a-Year desk calendar...

"All the King's horses" is overkill. Alls ya needs is one.

Now seriously. If you saw some stupid woman throw herself in front of some racehorses in the name of Women's Suffrage, wouldn't your first thought be, "Shit, is this the kind of nincompoop we want participating in the democratic process?"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy and the idea of a representative republic works just fine-- until you let every random yahoo out there vote.

Same with procreating. We'd all be better off if not everybody who was smart/drunk enough to put Tab A into Slot B actually did. But you all get mad when your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime suggests things like mass sterilization or literacy tests. Even you Blue State Fuck-ups out there, who jump at any chance for the federal government to control part of our lives.

And that's the main thing. Our lives, not just your life. If you think that the federal government knows how to better use your money, then fine-- go ask the IRS for a higher tax rate. But please, for those of us who don't share your deluded sentiment, let us have our tax breaks.

Before you start complaining, allow me to state that the Republicans of late have not faithfully subscribed to the school of smaller, less intrusive government like we thought they did. And for this and other reasons, they lost the midterm elections of 2006. This is nothing new.

So what's the takeaway? Maybe the terrorists had it right all along and women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Except for Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips.

Death to the Great Satan,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Wait, you mean her staffers didn't put that PowerPoint deck up there?

Ok, morons (liberals), does this mean we have to say Hillary can't spell? I guess it does, because politicians have a duty to take responsibility for what's posted behind them, even if they never mention those words in their speeches.

Two things...

First, an interesting article by a former AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) adherent:

I Was On the Global Warming Gravy Train

Mind you, this guy is not a climatologist by degree, but he's a computer scientist who built the actual climate models for the Australian government. Makes some interesting points...

Lastly, a wonderful example of ACLU running amok... again:

ACLU sues Boeing over CIA transfers

All I had to do was read down to the 3rd paragraph to see who would win the case. Thank God for appeals.

All that's missing is single-malted scotch and a craps table...

I know what you're all thinking. "Why didn't Tio Jaime think of this first?"



In addition to the Dodger Dog and the U$C Song Girls, Hollywood Park is one of the best things to come from Los Angeles. Include No Doubt if you want to say "to come from Southern California".

Jihad Jimmy
Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude)

There's a difference between the immigrants of today and yesterday...

I don't seem to remember reading in history books the same thing of Irish or Chinese immigrants to this country:

American Muslims Justify Suicide Attacks and are Al Qaida Sympathizers

If you look at the numbers at the bottom of the page, they're kind of misleading. Let me make them a bit more tangible (emphasis mine):

Only 5 percent of U.S. Muslims expressed favorable views of the terrorist group al-Qaida, though about a fourth did not express an opinion.

ONLY? ONLY?? That's a pretty goddamn big number! And if you believe the bullshit about 1/4 not having an opinion? 30% of 2.35 MILLION US Muslims is larger than the city of Boston, MA. Tell me this isn't a problem.

Only 40 percent said they believe Arab men carried out the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

There we go with this 'only' bullshit again. The AP is stupid. Unbelievable. If you actually believe a conspiracy can be perpetrated on this type of scale, you're a fucking moron.

Just over half said it has been harder being a U.S. Muslim since the 9/11 attacks, especially the better educated, higher income, more religious and young. Nearly a third of those who flew in the past year say they underwent extra screening because they are Muslim.

Umm...everyone has undergone extra screening even if they weren't Muslim. But judging from your beliefs in this poll, I'm for anal-probing at airports for all you pro-suicide-bombing, Al-Qaida-loving pigs.

Telephone interviews were conducted with 1,050 Muslim adults from January through April, including some in Arabic, Urdu and Farsi. Subjects were chosen at random, from a separate list of households including some with Muslim-sounding names, and from Muslim households that had participated in previous surveys.

So, you're telling me it's okay for the Pew Research Center to racially profile people? Oh, it's okay because you're a liberal, "progressive" organization?? How convenient. Now, if only they'd do the logical thing at airports.

The cognitive dissonance of liberals is appalling.

oh what's the hardest part about going to UCLA/U$C/Stanfurd?

I contemplated incorporating Cal's colors into the background or even text of the table, but then it would fuck with the traditional red/blue which denotes dialogue here on the SHoP. The gold would've been too bright, so screw it. Enjoy the khaki.

Tio Jaime

defaulting to bgcolor=khaki. And pay no attention to the font color=red for my name...

ProfShewseffi (3:15:43 PM): yeah Cal requires a 1950 + ProfShewseffi (3:15:45 PM): at least now TioJ (3:15:38 PM): pigfuckers ProfShewseffi (3:16:17 PM): i guess he is as close as it gets to being a bear ProfShewseffi (3:16:25 PM): he can try to transfer after TioJ (3:16:16 PM): eh TioJ (3:16:22 PM): i imagine that he'll love UCLA TioJ (3:16:31 PM): my little brother's right... berkeley is such a dirty fucking city ProfShewseffi (3:16:50 PM): it is TioJ (3:16:42 PM): i imagine i would've loved UCLA myself ProfShewseffi (3:16:59 PM): dood ProfShewseffi (3:17:05 PM): i got a scholarship to UCLA ProfShewseffi (3:17:08 PM): and i rejected that place TioJ (3:17:06 PM): oh what's the hardest part about going to UCLA/U$C/Stanfurd? ProfShewseffi (3:17:24 PM): what TioJ (3:17:19 PM): Telling your parents you're gay. ProfShewseffi (3:17:35 PM): HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

GFY Monday: Laurie David

This man-o-licious woman here to the left wrote this ridiculous forward in her craptastic book, The Down to Earth Guide to Global Warming. Why do I say craptastic when I haven't read the book? All I have to do is read the forward to understand everything I need to know. Here it is, in all its commented-upon glory:
----------
To Our Three Daughters

This looks bad already...

We hope that by the time you read this, the solutions to global warming will be well under way. You already know from living with us, how concerned we are about this problem.

I don't live with you, and already I know the ever-present crap your actions inflict upon me.

Sometimes, we go over board with our reactions to everyday annoyances like over-packaged products, leaving lights on in the room, taking too long a shower or leaving your chargers in the wall.

Leaving your chargers in the wall?

We embarrass you when we glare at hummer drivers and or get emotional when we talk about drowning polar bears. But we do this because all of the things that we love and care about are at stake. We do this because we do not want the day to come when you ask us why we did not do more.

We want you to be able to enjoy snowy winters.

Dumb Hollywood whore has lived in Pacific Palisades, CA for too long. She obviously needs to freeze her ass off in a Chicago winter. Let's see how much she enjoys a real snowy winter.

We want you to be able to cool off between your sheets on summer nights.

I seem to remember sweating my ass off on my summer nights growing up in the 80's. Come to think of it, I think my parents also told me stories of sleeping with no sheets during hot nights. WHO ON EARTH COOLS OFF IN BETWEEN THEIR SHEETS DURING THE SUMMER?!

We want you to see the leaves change colors when they're supposed to. We want you to visit Yellowstone National Park and spot a bear.

Spot a bear. Spot a bear? I fail to see the connection. I hope this bear "spots" Laurie's kid. I'd like to see her appreciate nature then.

If you get a mosquito bite, we want it to itch, not carry a deadly disease.

News flash, moron. Mosquitoes have always carried diseases in the US. Malaria was wiped out here only 5o years ago. That would seem to suggest "Climate Change" and mosquito-borne illnesses are independent events. But shit! Let's go with your theory!

We don't want your generation to be the generation that is defined by mass species extinction. We want you to live in a world where we face the truth about our problems and do everything we can to solve them. We want you to grow up to be activists.

"We want you to live in a world where we face the truth about our problems and do everything we can to solve them..."

Ahem...terrorism? In agreement, but on the wrong subject.

That's why we wrote our book, The Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming. It's for girls like you and yes, boys, too.

Could've said "kids", but no. Let's marginalize the male sex again today, shall we?

The more people who understand global warming, the better chance we have at bringing about change -- change as individuals and change as a country.

I understand global warming plenty...but this sounds suspiciously like you're starting an inquisition of some sort...sorta frightening.

Change means accepting the fact that the way we are living is causing huge damage to our planet. Change means that once we accept that responsibility, doing everything in our power to correct our course. Change means hope, not despair. Once you understand global warming, you understand how much you can do to solve it. Time is of the essence...lets get started.

She's beyond hope.

We love you so much,

Your mothers,
Laurie David and Cambria Gordon

----------

From her biography in Wikipedia:

Before working full time on environmental and political issues, David worked in the entertainment industry. She began her career in New York City as a talent coordinator for the David Letterman show. Four years later she left to start her own management company, representing comedians and comedy writers. She also produced several comedy specials for HBO, Showtime, MTV, and Fox Television. Upon moving to Los Angeles, David became vice president of comedy development for a division of Fox Broadcasting and developed sitcoms for Twentieth Century Television.

Which makes her an authority on the complex, often misunderstood science of climate. Sign her up for the EPA.

Death to the Great Satan, oh yah you betcha!

Got this from OTW Mark...

Cabbies on edge as penalties begin

Interesting. Their interpretation of ISLAM is so RADICAL (and gnarly, and bodacious, and awesome, and any other superlative from the Reagan Administration of your choosing) that it seeks to disrupt the American Way of Life there in the heartland. Nevermind that "Islam prohibits the consumption of alcohol but not its transportation", oh no no no. Gotta test the waters. Gotta have a couple of dry runs to see exactly just what you can get away with. Gotta see just how far backwards the American Anti-Semitic Left will bend over to accomodate you so you can catch us off guard.

This is of particular interest to your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime as I am likely leaving the land of Blue State Fuck-ups for Minneapolis before the pennant race heats up. If the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo had her way, I'd be there before the All-Star Break.

(Which takes place this year, ironically enough, a mere twenty minutes away from Fort Tio Jaime.)

The conflict seems to be as such: Muslims like living in America. (Allah knows why. They seem to hate the Great Satan and all that she stands for.) Non-muslims in America want nothing more than to co-exist with all the diversity around them. These two seem to be mutually exclusive, what with Muslims not wanting to scan frozen pizzas with pepperoni at target, or drive you home from MSP if you have wine. And all of us normal, non-jihad-o-licious Americans just want to get rung up or driven home.

So here's my solution. And this should work wonders, what with Muslims free to exercise their peaceful religion without inconveniencing Little Sally Housefrau, and Joe American not having to worry about trying to scan his own bacon...

Require all Muslims who fear encroachment upon their religion to wear a Star and Crescent on their clothing

This way, let's say I'm making my way up to the cash registers at the Super Target with those Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets (which supposedly I love so very much). I see a cashier in full burka with a Star and Crescent sewn in right below her nametag-- Hagar.

Whoops. Let's not go to her completely empty checkstand, and let's go to the one right next to hers. Oh wait, another muslim cashier? But this one seems not to be perturbed by the idea of ringing up my hot pockets. Oh, and I have coupons.

Did you follow that? See, instead of going all hitler-tastic on you and requiring all Muslims to wear the Star and Crescent... I'm only recommending it for those who want to make a big stink about the Religious aspects of interacting with infidels such as myself.

Oh, and Muslims everywhere? They support the DH. Every single one of them. WTF. How would they feel if the 72 virgins actually turned out to be 64 virgins with whom you got to have unbridled sex and commit crime-against-nature acts in the afterlife... and 8 who only gave you incomplete handjobs leaving you to finish yourself off while looking at a completely different set of 8?

I'm gonna stand by that analogy. Divide by 8 and you'll see what I'm trying to say.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Shall we play a game?

Which presents the greatest threat to you?

Carbon Dioxide

Di-hydrogen Monoxide

Or Terrorism?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Update: For an interesting read, take a look at the opinion of MIT's (in)famous climatologist, Professor Lindzen. Global Warming faith-healers need not bother. Your confirmation bias is way too evident.

The Blue State Frontier can go suck a Big One

I got a gyro last Fri-dee. Even though I'm a "sick racist piece of souless (sic) shit." (check out the comments there! I thought we had lost that comment forever!)

So while I was picking up said gyro, I ran into Critical Mass, who I thought stuck to San Francisco and Berkeley. After all, people in Oakland have a tendency to be black and armed. I'd imagine that they wouldn't take too kindly to stinky, dirty, scruffy white hippies blocking their way to see the Warriors. Especially not this year, I suppose.

Degenerates, now in two-wheel form!

One of them tried to greet me. I called her a degenerate. Another spewed some tired line about global warming right at me. I pantomimed jacking-off for him and all the casual pantywaist liberals to see. He said, "Fuck you!" I called him a jagoff.

Then I got my gyro. It was fucking awesome.

Ain't the Blue State Frontier great? And I'm not even surrounded by the mainstream Blue State Fuck-ups like you're expecting. No no, none of this Hillary or Obama schlock here... out here we got bona fide Kucinch retards. And every once in a while, a LaRouche nerd. Don't worry about me, worry about these deluded Blue State Fuck-ups and the votes they'll cast. But just wait it out, since their dogs don't vote, but your children do.

There's more than one way to piss off your Blue State Fuck-up neighbors. One way is to tear off their stickers because some other Blue State Fuck-ups tore off a SHoP Overlady's sticker a long time ago.

Here's another one...

Ha ha, fuck you Blue America!

I hope that I angered a liberal or two who was checking to see if her latest copy of The New Yorker had arrived. Because lookee here! An assault rifle in its place! Too bad that the rifle represents the wrong tenth of the Bill of Rights. Fuck, with campaign finance reform, they can't even get the one tenth they want right anyway.

I saw a Blue State Fuck-up's bumper sticker this morning on I-80. It said, "Protect the Bill of Rights - Impeach Bush". This doesn't seem to make sense given what we know about the anti-semitic American Left...

1) I don't think modern liberals understand the correct application of Freedom of Speech, seeing as to how they seem to misuse the word "censorship" way too often. Also, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" doesn't exactly translate to "Separation of Church and State".
2) I know they don't like the Right to Bear Arms.
3) I'm not really worried that they'll force quartering of troops on us, since they'll end up gutting the military anyway once these Blue State Fuck-ups let them.
4) I've heard many a liberal pull some "Right to Privacy" out of his ass. And oh yes, I could tell that he treated that "right" as a proper noun. Note the capitals.
5) I don't think it's us wingnuts which are into that the whole eminent domain thing.
6) Again, combatant POWs really shouldn't be afforded the same rights that are afforded regular, red-blooded American criminals.
7) I'd imagine that Leftists ain't too crazy about jury nullification. Running out of steam here...
8) It says cruel and unusual punishment, right? So cruel or unusual should be just fine...
9) OK. If health care is a right, shouldn't I have the right to say, oh i dunno, choose my own method of health care? Instead of having some socialized government piece of shit forced upon me... Or does the Right to Choose end once my mom chose not to abort me?
10) I was afraid of this one. Here's where my engineering prowess defers to somebody like OTW Mark or MwHCock. I don't know what the Tenth Amendment says that the Ninth doesn't. Or rather, vice versa, as I'm a huge States' Rights dude.

The Bottom Line: You want to protect the Bill of Rights? Don't let the Degenerocrats appoint their shitty judges.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Solution to Global Warming

Here's a winner:
Children Bad for Planet

Retards.

Or, maybe, just hold your breath until you pass out, hippie.

Gratuitous Gisele Bündchen-- not that you're complaining, or anything

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Gratuitous Lingerie Models-- not that you're complaining, or anything

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I saw the article below, and thought of the post title in the recaps. Then I realized, "Shit, I used that title already."

Gisele and Victoria's Secret have split

No worries, because now this gives me a chance to push another platform on the SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime Agenda-- Apple Computer!



Tio Jaime, I can hear you asking, what's more important, some supermodel who's not Alessandra Ambrosio, or your computing platform?

And really that's not fair. Why would you make me choose? Although, not that the two are mutually exclusive I suppose.

And what's that, you say, Citizen SHoPper? This post seems kinda half-baked and half-assed? Well yes. A post entitled "gratuitous gisele bundchen" and liberally sprinkled with victoria's secret models shouldn't really be held to the normal intelligent standards which other SHoP posts are. It's surprising how much of a shitty post can be carried by Brazilian chicks in their underwears.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Northern California's most pussified Blue State Fuck-up ever!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Heh, I found the article again, and it deserves its own post instead of some fake html in an update of the original SHoP post. I was afraid sfgate.com had updated the article, but oh yes here it is for your reading pleasure.

Excerpt from THE MAZE MELTDOWN: East Bay commuters facing detours, jam-packed BART, emphasis mine
Kevin Hershey of Oakland, who owns an optical shop in San Francisco's Union Square, said his commute won't be the only headache -- his business will probably suffer, as well. "I about started crying when I heard," said Hershey. "It will definitely affect my business. East Bay people will hesitate before going into the city to shop, and a lot are going to go to Walnut Creek instead."

Oh God. For fuck's sake, dry your eyes, wipe your nose, and put on your Big Girl panties.

This is the same kind of snivelling, ball-less man that will elect Hillary or Obama. It's true-- God, I wish it wasn't, but this is typical for men in the Bay Area living in close proximity to San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.

Admittedly, there are things that will make men cry in sadness...

Mom or Dad dies
Dog dies
Wife dies
Child dies
UCLA overcoming a 17-point deficit at the half
Wife shot dead by Nina Myers at CTU Los Angeles
You've just foiled a bioterrorist threat against Los Angeles and finally exacted your revenge on Nina Myers for killing your wife (see above)
You're holding the lifeless body of Tony Almeida in Season 5
You're trying to blog, but accidentally read a spoiler on wikipedia about Tony Almeida dying in Season 5
Now you just read one line further and found out that Jack kills Curtis Manning in Season 6
She's using her teeth

Notice that I didn't even put anything like "Giants lose World Series" or "Got fired". These are both sad, but don't justify man-cryage. You can bury your face in your hands, shake your head in denial, pace the room like a crazy man, keep muttering "oh fuck me oh fuck me" to yourself-- but no crying, please.

And if you're going to cry because your store in San Francisco is going to be affected by flyover ramps GOING AWAY FROM SAN FRANCISCO... then just don't tell anybody. Definitely shouldn't tell the Chronicle, because they might put it up online. And now Tio Jaime is calling you a pussified Blue State Fuck-up.

My favorite passage from Mary Schmich's classic column in the Chicago Tribune: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Off to lunch. Stay off the freeways.

Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)

Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway

This here says that my commute shouldn't be affected tomorrow...

THE MAZE MELTDOWN Highway buckles: Tanker overturns on I-880 connector, igniting thousands of gallons of gas -- key overpass collapses

This one says it will be...

Roadway to Bay Bridge collapses after tanker explosion

This Caltrans page has some useful information...

511.org - Your Bay Area travel guide

But this one is absolutely fucking useless...

California Department of Transportation

This Republican Caltrans engineer is crying "Go check out that fourth link right now before they change it and make this post obsolete!" all the way to work while thinking about Sandra Bullock's nippy-nips.

So I'm still not sure which freeway I'll end up taking tomorrow. I'll probably take the city street shortcut which'll spit me out right next to the bridge collapse. Or not. I really don't care. Alls I know is that everybody and their fucking uncle will be chomping at the bit tomorrow to get some shit done to help out the emergency repair.

But oh mark my words, there won't be any thing for us to do except call a few Caltrans engineers whose phones have probably been ringing off the hook since early Sun-dee morning after this accident. And the nature of our Caltrans outfit (in relation to Caltrans Construction) will be such that we won't get involved for at least another few weeks. But that won't stop people from telling us Caltrans engineers to pester other Caltrans engineers with our phone calls.

OH HOLY FUCK!!! THIS IS THE MAP I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL DAY!!!

Why, thank you kindly sfgate.com! But you can go suck a big one too...

OK I think I'm OK since I'd take 580 East to 80 East (which, confusingly enough, is the same freeway just north of this interchange) and that ramp is unaffected. Coming home, if I don't take 780-680-24 like I normally do... wait, I still might be in the clear, since the flyover that collapsed merges on the right with the 80 West to 580 West ramp.

I think. You confused? I don't blame you. That's why this is called the Macarthur Maze. Welcome to the Blue State Frontier. I'm your host, Tio Jaime, broadcasting to you loud and proud from Fort Tio Jaime, your Red State Outpost.

OK the politicking was a stretch. Sorry.

Anyway, fun stuff. I'll let you know tomorrow morning how the commute was.

Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)

<update date="20070430" time="0925">
Commute this morning was fine. I charged head-first into the Macarthur Maze and it was the same commute I see every morning. Better, even, because people were scared off from the freeway-- there were three cars in line to go to the freeway where there are usually near twenty. People left before dawn and found out there was no traffic. Duh.

What'll be fun will be the evening commute. I didn't mention this last night in the post above, but the morning commute shouldn't even be affected. The ramps that are damaged aren't "to the Bay Bridge" like the second post above says. They're "from the Bay Bridge". People who are smart will leave at 3, 3:30 today to avoid the impending traffic snarls.

And I'm leaving at the normal time and taking 780-680-24. Like I normally do. Maybe I'll stop by Fry's.
</update>

<update date="20070430" time="0934">
Oops. You're too late if you didn't catch the fourth link earlier this morning. I've taken the liberty of stealing an astoundingly shitty-even-for-Caltrans graphic and linking to a page that tells us nothing we didn't know already.

My favorite piece of Caltrans wisdom that their shitty website tries to pass off as informational? This little ditty right here...

Oh, "personally inspected the damage". Right.
Caltrans Director Will Kempton has personally inspected the damage.

Looks like the second post is out as well, maybe it's just slow? Eh. You get the idea: Bay Area Little Brains running around all willy-nilly. I'm surprised Gavin Newsom hasn't declared a state of emergency like how Willie Brown did on 9/11.
</update>