All that's missing is single-malted scotch and a craps table...

I know what you're all thinking. "Why didn't Tio Jaime think of this first?"



In addition to the Dodger Dog and the U$C Song Girls, Hollywood Park is one of the best things to come from Los Angeles. Include No Doubt if you want to say "to come from Southern California".

Jihad Jimmy
Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude)

Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

The two third and fourth permalinks above? I put those there because the first third one talks about playing Pai Gow Poker with Maggie the Cat, and the last one talks about the progression I was using on bodog.com which can be modified for craps, yes, but in its original form works very well for Pai Gow Poker. Unless your 30% of losing hands comes fast and furious and knocks you out before any of your 41% of push hands or 29% of winning hands make an appearance.

Pai Gow Poker is a pretty cool game. In no way does skill at poker translate to skill at Pai Gow Poker-- it's all raw, stupid luck. There are some strategies, but like i've told you good Citizen SHoPpers and infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi, "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week."

And speaking of Trosama min Asi, btw, a special thanks to all of Tio Jaime's friends who aren't going to read this because they're busy reading other, stupider shit which doesn't even offer any practical analysis on something which they might enjoy, like oh I don't know-- Craps, perchance? No, no, no. Gotta read something on Salon, or about how some chick is running a regression on why dudes aren't calling her back depending on which base she let them get to.

What's even better is when one of Tio Jaime's friends e-mails him asking him to read some poem he posted on some obscure blog. And fully acknowledges that his SHoPping has been very infrequent, but asks Tio Jaime to overlook this inequity.

Back to the Pai Gow Poker. All raw, stupid luck I sez...

lucky you, bodog.com...

Pigfuckers. The goddam straight flush didn't win. Not with a 6-4 Low Hand. You like that? You'll love this one...

eff you, bodog.com...

And with that title attribute, I've found a new post title. Also gotta add two older recap posts about Insaniquarium. Check em out, you probably haven't read them. And then go play Insaniquarium.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?

Confused by the post title? No worries, it's somewhat obscure. I would really only expect my Polish engineer carpool-buddy to recognize it, as he's the one who tipped me off about this movie...



Anycrap, went to Cache Creek today with Maggie the Cat. And somehow, I managed to lose more in three or four hours of Cache Creek than three or four days at the Paris in lovely Las Vegas, Nevada.

But Maggie couldn't get over what happened at the Pai Gow Poker table. I myself was somewhat astounded, watching it unfold before my eyes. I mean, heck, the whole beauty of picture IDs is that you can look at the picture and try to match it with a real, live person sitting at the table. Cool shit, huh?

She was the only non-oriental person at the table. Stuck out like a sore thumb.

Oh, and fellow oriental patrons of Cache Creek? TRY GODDAM BATHING NEXT TIME. Fuckity-fuck, whenever I bring my grandma to a casino, we're both clean and non-reektastic! Holy Eff, I straight-up left two out of my four tables today because I was smack-dab in somebody's ripe, gamey oriental-stench!

<play cardtype="Race">
Important to note, Citizen SHoPpers: Maggie the Cat's liberal use of "oriental" is naturally condoned and encouraged by this very same politically incorrect Oriental Degenerate Gambler-- although interestingly enough it wasn't my recent usage of the adjective which catalyzed her usage of it. She had already started dabbling with it, but I just helped her along down that path...

We both live in the SF Bay Area, where "Oriental" hasn't been used in quite some time. It pisses off the Chinks, Japs, Gooks, and Gooks. As for us Filipinos? BFD. We're the Uncle Toms of the Pacific Rim. I've mentioned this before, but in the "Asian" vs. "Pacific Islander" debate, the quick and easy solution is the geographically appropriate "Oriental". Ain't nothing wrong with the colonial mindset. Ain't nothing wrong with Eurocentrism either.
</play>

But back to the vice at hand. Cache Creek can eat me. What kind of dicks don't grandfather you in when they change their table limits? Jagoffs. I'm going to play at bodog.com right now since I can play $2 craps. Oh, look! Another referral link for SixHertz to steal. I thank my lucky freaking stars that he gambles like a little girl.

And the gamble-age itself? Well, like I had told infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi: "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week." Tio Jaime: Low pair, A-K. Cache Creek: Middle pair, A-K. Copy goes to Cache Creek. Tio Jaime out another $25. Flawless play on my part but with shitty cards? Should've stayed in the area and gone shooting... But Maggie did a bit better though. She bought me lunch at In-n-Out. Looked really eff-ing good in that peach/pink dress. Nice shoes. Nice Prada purse.

All my Love,
Tio Jaime

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

So I did the math...

Please take note, Citizen SHoPpers, whenever an engineer (not just one of your engineer SHoP Overlords) tells you that he has "done the math" or "run the numbers" that you may be in for a fuckload of information which, quite frankly, you do not and will not ever care about.

Ahem. About which you do not and will not ever care.

But recent forays deeper into the gambling world have led me to the local cardhouses here in the Bay Area. The Casino San Pablo just this past weekend. Lucky Chances Casino a while back, but that was only for the food.

No craps, but they have Pai Gow Poker, which as of late has been my game of choice. Except, it's not exactly pai gow poker, but some weird variation, much like California Craps at Cache Creek and Jackson Rancheria.

Double-Hand Poker plays just like Pai Gow Poker with a few notable differences. The dealers don't play on behalf of the House. Apparently that's illegal in California-land. Instead, some other dummy corporation is set up, they hire players and those people cover all of the bets placed by Joe Schmoe.

The opportunity to be banker rotates (as does the privilege of winning Copies, presumably) like in many other casinos. Pai Gow Poker N00b Citizen SHoPpers: Banker wins the Copy (e.g, A-K vs. A-K goes to the Banker).

The major differences in game play (the latter of which will likely dissuade me from ever playing Pai Gow Poker outside of a bona fide casino) are themselves quite simple. The first and foremost, you can bet on other players' hands, and vice versa. At your seat, you'll see that there are boxes numbered 1-10 upon which other players can bet on your hand versus the dealer's hand. Let's say you're sitting at Seat 4, and I'm at Seat 8. I can place a bet on the box marked "8" in front of you, and mangina, I've bet on your hand.

Cool shit? I guess so. If you see somebody heating up, you can bet on his hands too. While this may lead to hurt oriental feelings if somebody sets their hand incorrectly (ahem, SixHertz and countless others), I'm not sure if in Double-Hand Poker you're allowed to set your own hand. I didn't get that far.

The last difference in game play-- the dealbreaker, and if you've been waiting for the post title to tie itself in, here ya go-- is the commission. Normal casinos take a 5% commission off of your winnings. Your $5 bet pays $4.75. For each red that you win, you give the house a quarter. Easy shit. With Double-Hand Poker, the commission is $1 for every bet $10-$100, $2 for every $101-$200, and so on and so forth.

Every hand. Win or lose. That's not good, since you're gonna push just over 40% of your hands in Pai Gow Poker. Check out the wizard of odds link above, because you didn't earlier. You want the math? I'll run you through it quickly...

Roughly, you'll push 41%, you'll win 29%, and you'll lose 30%. Don't argue. If you were just about to argue or whine to me that this didn't happen to you when you were playing recently in Vegas, then Get Bent. So if you play 100 hands, you'll push 41, win 29 and lose 30. When you push or lose, you don't pay a comission. But when you win, you'll pay that 5%. If you're betting the $10 minimum, that's 50 cents each of those 29 times, which is $14.50 comission to the house for 100 hands of Pai Gow.

Conversely, if you're playing Double-Hand Poker, 100 hands where 41 push, 29 win and 30 lose will pay a comission of $100. Sure, you'll win at even money, but then that means you're out $110, as opposed to $24.50 above. That's a lot of Monte Cristos at Thunder Valley.

At what point does the $1/hand comission give you more of an edge over the 5% commission? Right around $70 a hand. Five percent on $70 is $3.50, which if you win your statistically ideal 29 times will put your total comission paid at $101.50.

Moral of the Story: My friends suck because none of them like to gamble.

Love always,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- Along the lines of "So I did the math..." being one of those opening warning lines which you probably don't want to hear, here are some more! Feel free to add your own in the comments. Or you could follow the flow of the post and post about Pai Gow Poker. Or Craps. Or even Pai Gow itself.

Top Ten Opening Lines You Never Want to Hear

1. The University of California Golden Bears!!! 2. Umm, I got the test results back... 3. Hey, Tio Jaime, can we talk in the conference room? 4. "I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States" 5. Hi, I'm Corinna, would you like to buy a private dan-- Daddy?!? 6. Leading off for your San Francisco Giants, Marvin Benard! 7. So I told my parents that I spent the night last night... 8. On the mainstage, here is Brunhilda! 9. ATF! Put The Purswader down! 10. I ain't never seen anything like this in my 28 years of being a proctologist.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

He's lasted 12 hours without playing any craps...

Posted, courtesy of SixHertz. TioJaime is in Vegas...

hmph. We can kill babies, but not the poo' widdle bunnie wabbits

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... Screw this. We'll go right ahead and say what KGO couldn't: Chicks are waxing off and lasering off their pubes. THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 10:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. The video of the news segment isn't up yet, but check back in a few days. This is the epitome of California Leftist Whining. Jihad Jimmy Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude) Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude) SixHertz House of Chat 8:35 PM TioJaime: waaaa TioJaime: ABC 7 whining about Coursing in Fairfield TioJaime: "it's barbaric" TioJaime: STFU you stupid cunt TioJaime: oh yeah, ask a berkeley representative what she thinks of it TioJaime: SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJaime: dude, dogs killing animals is natural SixHertz: Coursing? TioJaime: you ever watch Snatch? TioJaime: they let greyhounds or other hunting dogs loose in a field to chase and most likely kill a wild jackrabbit TioJaime: BFD SixHertz: jesus. TioJaime: hold on, i'll find you a link SixHertz: let these people loose in the midwest SixHertz: hunting deer. SixHertz: OH NO! POOR BAMBI! SixHertz: BLAM!@ 8:40 PM TioJaime: ? TioJaime: http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=i_team&id=3874872 SixHertz: ok, i didn't get that one SixHertz: ok, got it SixHertz: trillian munged up the link SixHertz: oh, just because it's banned in England, it's not cool anymore. SixHertz: Let's look to Europe for laws! TioJaime: i'm surprised California hasn't banned it yet... TioJaime: they fucking ban everything else TioJaime: and i'm gonna play GTA:SA before they ban *that* SixHertz: hmph. We can kill babies, but not the poo' widdle bunnie wabbits 8:45 PM TioJaime: check out the video of the news story if you can... TioJaime: you'll *love* it

The What-Now Bowl game this weekend?

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... It's the Bay Area Sports, Stupid! Cry me a River you football-fumbling, interception-throwing PIG-EFFER Mr. President, we must not allow... a Hot Wife gap!!! you can't spell Betting on College Sports without BCS! THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 AM AND 11:00 AM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. Seems to be some big hullaballoo about this Super Bowl this Sun-dee. And I don't really care. No 49ers, no Gold Rush? What's the point? Except that Pittsburg(h) Amy convinced me to watch Colts-Steelers. She inherited Colts fandom from her father. Something about some Jimmy United or whatever his name was? Beats me. So yes, despite her having earned the moniker "Pittsburg(h) Amy", she's not a Steelers fan. And thank God. Was watching Colts-Steelers from the RCA dome at the Bellagio sportsbook. Holy fuck, that's a lot of useless steeler fans. And they managed to piss me off. I was hoping that the Colts would've been able to pull off that last minute comeback after the Steelers tried to run it in for another TD instead of downing the ball and running down the clock, but no such luck. So in the end, Pittsburg(h) Amy got a postcard from Las Vegas and I learned to hate Pittsburgh Steelers fans. Not so bad. But do I hate them enough to cheer for Seattle? Not sure. When I was living in Seattle a few years back and hanging out with LMHBrent (BoeingBrent back then, I suppose), I was about to adopt the Seahawks as my AFC team (for those newly sworn in as Citizen SHoPpers, my team is the SF giants, and a distant second is my AL favorite Mariners). Unfortunately, the NFL realigned that year and the Seahawks were moved to the NFC West, home of Joe-Montana-approved and Steve-Young-sponsored ass kickings. Until we've started to suck recently. So at this end, I'm left with disdain for the 'hawks and no AFC team. Pittsburg(h) Amy is making her case for her Colts. So Steelers/Seahawks? The seahawks fans didn't really piss me off, as Seattlites tend not to piss people off. It's really quite nice. I tell anybody who likes San Francisco that they'd like Seattle even better since it smells nicer and the people are friendlier. If you're looking for evergreen state football fans to piss you off, go check out the WSU cougars out in Pullman, WA. Fuck those guys. Anyway, it comes down to that: whose fans piss off Jihad Jimmy the least? Click to enlarge in new window And actually, I suppose I can be convinced to cheer for Pittsburgh to win by more than 4. Lemme see if I can set up a dummy bank account to handle my offshore casino-ing. Hopefully there'll be a Superbowl Party at the Zoo. Free buffet, 15' TV, and I'm already on the guestlist. Jihad Jimmy Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude) Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude) <update time=1042> FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH THE NAME!!! SBC Park to become AT&T Park Holy Fuck. Three different freaking names since it opened up in 2000? Fuck dudes! Make up your fucking minds already! How many times has goddam Safeco Field changed its goddam name? All of Goddam NONE! </update>

you can't spell Betting on College Sports without BCS!

So here's what Tio Jaime's research finds:

Texas +7
U$C moneyline

Don't ask what the research consisted of, because you'll laugh. And then all of you will go out and buy duck eggs and pop tarts and then how the fuck will I be able to-- well, I've said too much already...

Unfortunately, stupid Visa won't let me make a deposit with bodog. So i can't put money down on the game. WTF.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)
Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude)

<update time="2242" texas="41" U$C="38">

</update>

<update time="2316">
Two chats w/fellow golden bears. Both hailing from Southern California. Home of the SECOND PLACE U$C Trojuns

Here. Here's your goddam Berkeley diversity right here. [grabs crotch, shakes]
10:47 PM TioJaime: updated SHoP post w/a pic LMHBrent: hahah LMHBrent: the whole game i was wearing a longhorns jersey and cap TioJaime: GOOD LMHBrent: yeah dude TioJaime: i don't care about pac-10 representation LMHBrent: even though i'm starting classes at $C on monday, i know my horns would win TioJaime: i hate $C LMHBrent: hook 'em! TioJaime: hook me! LMHBrent: you are SOGGY TioJaime: i will be the hookee TioJaime: and the longhorn cheerleaders can be the hook... ers TioJaime: YESH LMHBrent: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA LMHBrent: ROFL LMHBrent: OMG LMHBrent: that was too funny LMHBrent: post this on the shop LMHBrent: j/k j/k TioJaime: OK good 10:50 PM TioJaime: i'm feeling lazy tonight TioJaime: too much fucking work to put that pic up already TioJaime: i just wanna listen to the radio LMHBrent: it's coo
10:43 PM TioJaime: http://sixhertz.blogspot.com/2006/01/you-cant-spell-betting-on-college.html ProfShewseffi: im so fucking mad ProfShewseffi: i cant believe texas won ProfShewseffi: fuck this shit TioJaime: oh you're from SoCal, huh? ProfShewseffi: NO ProfShewseffi: dood ProfShewseffi: How can you forgive texas?!?! TioJaime: i'm sorry... i cannot in good conscience cheer for $C ProfShewseffi: what?!?!?! ProfShewseffi: after what TEXAS DID TO US LAST YEAR!!!??! TioJaime: dude, we did that to ourselves TioJaime: our ranking was inflated ProfShewseffi: NO ProfShewseffi: fuck that shit ProfShewseffi: i dont give a shit ProfShewseffi: i dont root for SC ProfShewseffi: but i fucking HATE texas TioJaime: OK good ProfShewseffi: with a passion ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: fuck mack brown ProfShewseffi: i cannot believe you are not against Texas TioJaime: i just like george w. bush 10:45 PM TioJaime: and bay aryans up here hate texas becasue of that TioJaime: and even then, if i did hate texas, i wouldn't hate them as much as U$C ProfShewseffi: but USC represents the pac10 TioJaime: ahh still TioJaime: i was a golden bear before i knew what the pac-10 was TioJaime: and cal was there before the pac10 ProfShewseffi: they were our only hope ProfShewseffi: to give the pac 10 any credibility ProfShewseffi: ppl have been doggin the pac10 ProfShewseffi: for so long ProfShewseffi: dogging oregon's loss TioJaime: i guess i don't really care about pac-10 credibility... TioJaime: i stopped caring after 1) we almost lost to BYU and 2) i couldn't place bets on tonight's game on bodog.com ProfShewseffi: hHAhaHAhaH! 10:50 PM TioJaime: fucking visa... won't let me charge my account for offshore betting TioJaime: whatta bunch of pigfuckers ProfShewseffi: HAHAHHAA! TioJaime: and you can't spell pigfuckers w/o U$C ProfShewseffi: fuck TEXAS! ProfShewseffi: AARGH~!

LMHBrent lived in Texas after leaving Seattle. It probably rubbed one out off on him (heh) while he was there. Professor Shewseffi is neither a professor nor the foul combination of our Soil Mechanics and AutoCAD professors from Civil Engineering at Cal.
</update>

Feelin' Crappy!

Was hanging out here all morning...as such, here's more craps strategery to get you in the mood. I already gots a hankerin, and misery loves company.

Pass Line Progression

When you win your first pass line bet, you get paid one unit. Let those ride. Your second win will get you 4 units. Take 1 unit off, and let the other 3 ride. You just got back your original bet, so now you're playing with free money. A third win will give you 6 units, let these ride. A fourth win gives you 12 units. Now take 8 units off and let the 4 remaining ride. You now have an 8 unit profit with 4 units still on the table. If you win again, let all 8 units ride. Then take back another 8 and let the 4 ride. Continue in this fashion until you lose. Just remember this progression of units to bet: 1-2-3-6-4-8-4-8-repeat 4-8. Craps is a game of cycles, when you're in on a winning cycle, you need money on the table to win. But eventually, all good things come to an end, so take some profits down whenever you have more than 8 units on the table.

This sounds good! Except 1) doesn't mention what to do about your free odds bet and 2) oh how i wish winning at craps was as easy as writing 1-2-3-6-4-blah-blah-blah. Sure, memorize your system, but like I was telling infrequent SHoPper Trosama min Asi about backgammon once, "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week." This no different. Your foolproof money management system may look great on paper but unfortunately depends on some choadstain hitting point after point. And by the time you've hit a hot streak, you're already two sheets to the wind and very Happy to Be There because that cute cocktail waitress keeps bringing you Nuts & Berries. Good Morning, Las Vegas!!!

As a quick aside, God Bless the genius who thought of the bottomless champagne tap at the buffet @ the Imperial Palace. You, sir (or even madam), are a credit to your race and one day people will write songs about you.

Numbers Progression

This same strategy applies to bets placed on the "numbers." This is called "pressing" your bet. To press means to add the previous win to your bet. For example, you say to the dealer "place the number 9 for $5." Now the shooter rolls a 9 (before a 7), you win $7 in profit. Now say to the dealer, "Press it up." The dealer will put another $5 on the number 9, and gives you $2 in profit. So you now have $10 on the number 9. If the shooter rolls another 9, you'll win $14 in profit. So what do you do now? Press it up again. Another $5 will go on the number 9, and you'll receive $9 in your pocket. Let's recap; after the number 9 was rolled twice (before a 7), you have $15 still on the table riding on the number 9, plus you have $11 in your pocket. Not bad for an initial $5 bet. You can, and should, place money on all the numbers if you want to win, or at least on the 6 and 8 (you have the best odds on winning with 6's and 8's). You can see how quickly it will add up, if you get a hot shooter. Or how quickly you can lose, if the table is cold.

This is similar to the earlier March post He who lives by the dice shall perish by the dice. And I was curious about pressing the Place 6 and Place 8 bets, so i set up a spreadsheet that tells me what you'll win pressing various amounts and also a sample number of rolls which tracks the number of consecutive win-scenarios. So far, so sucktastic. I've hit two eights in a row before the seven.

And further examination of my spreadsheet is telling me that you could lose an assload of money, but really, what else is new?

Next is a very good article about craps etiquette... Have You Made a Friend at the Craps Table Today? This is probably the biggest deterrent for new craps players. Where to stand, how to get chips, what to call certain bets, and most importantly, what not to do at the table. I didn't have anybody to teach me, but after having figured this out (and many times, the Hard Way. heh) i've imparted what I think is pretty solid advice to several people. But there's still stuff here to learn, like the whole "only put your hands in specific designated areas". which seems like a no-brainer since you really should just stick to the Line and the Come (or the Don'ts) and if you're at a $1 table, the field too.

Not gonna quote the whole damn thing. Here's the important points, check out the article for details. Trust me on this one.

Oh, and they don't mention this, but don't take the dice off the table or touch them with both hands. And if you happen to do either of these, don't do it a second time because by your second reminder, the players now hate you. Unless you look like Marisa Miller. Surprising just how much this absolves...

Rule 1: Never reach into any portion of the layout except those areas labeled Pass Line, Don't Pass, Field, Come, or Don't Come. ... Rule 3: For bets the dealer must place for you, give explicit instructions as to how much you are betting and the bet(s) you wish to make. ... Rule 6: Make all of your bets while the dice are in the middle (between the stickman and the boxman). ... Rule 7: Whether placing a bet yourself or giving chips to the dealer to place on your behalf, place your chips directly in front of you. Dealers have only two eyes. If they do not see who places a Come bet, for example, they assume the bet belongs to the player closest to it, resolving ambiguous positions by asking the players whose bet it is. This can lead to disputes when two players claim the same bet. Disputes not only slow down the game but also create tension. Tension makes the game less enjoyable for everyone. Dealers cannot take money or chips out of your hand. Therefore, when giving a dealer chips for a bet he must place (e.g., odds on a Come bet) put those chips not only in front of you but also on a line separating two areas of the layout (e.g., between Come and Field, but definitely not between Come and the point number boxes -- see Rule 1) while stating what bet you wish to make. Should the dealer forget to reposition your chips their ambiguous placement will certainly be questioned by at least one crew member, at which time you can restate your wishes. An obvious exception to this rule are prop bets, those booked by the stickman. For these bets get the stickman's attention, then call out how much and where while tossing him your chips. The image of a stickman disappearing in a hail of chips to a cacophony of bet calls may bring a chuckle to players; it is far less humorous on the receiving end. Rule 8: Listen to what a dealer tells you, especially if you have asked him a question. ... Rule 9: Do not color up (exchange lower denomination chips for higher denomination chips) unless you are sure you will not need the lower denomination chips, or you are leaving the table. ... Rule 10: When pressing or parlaying a winning place, buy, or prop bet, announce your intentions as the dealer is about to pay you. ...

Odds are 5 to 1 that i'll end up at an indian casino this weekend. Any takers?

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

He who lives by the dice shall perish by the dice

TJ: wrote this a little over a week ago, just after my b-day trip to Cache Creek put me in a gambling mood. I gots another post for you, but this should tide you over until then. Hope all is well, must go talk to our IT dude and get my shitty dell unfucked.

Buy macintosh, you fuckballs...

Oh, and a special goes out to LMHBrent.

---

Funny. For some reason this article never really talks about how hitting a 4 or a 10 is half as likely as hitting that 7...

from some shitty about.com article...

Pressing the 10 and 4

Place the four or ten for five dollars. If the shooter sevens out you are out $5. On the first hit you will be paid $9 Tell the dealer to Press your bet. Your pace bet will go to $10 and you will get $4. (If the shooter now sevens out you will be minus $1) On the second hit you will be paid $18. Tell the Dealer to BUY the number. The dealer will increase your bet to $25 and give you back $3. (If the Shooter now sevens out you will be plus $2) When you buy a number, you pay a 5% commission to be paid true odds on your bet. When you buy the four or ten, you will be paid 2 to 1 instead of 9 to 5 for your bet. In some casinos you will be required to give the commission for your buy bet up front. In other casinos you only pay the commission when your bet wins. On the third hit you will be paid $50 (minus $1 Commission) (IF the Shooter now sevens out you will have a profit of $51) After the third hit you have two options: 1) You can leave your buy bet up and collect $49 for each hit. 2) You can regress your bet to $5 and take back an additional $20 profit. Either way you have made some big profits with very little risk. That’s why I say “10-4” to pressing the four and ten place bets.

Basic algebra is telling me now that the 2 to 1 minus a comission is always the better bet. I'm guessing that the reason you can't just do it right off the bat might be because you might not be able to buy your point to pay at the real odds unless you purchase a minimum. Might have something to do with rounding down in the casino too. Lemme look at this a bit more.