Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

The two third and fourth permalinks above? I put those there because the first third one talks about playing Pai Gow Poker with Maggie the Cat, and the last one talks about the progression I was using on bodog.com which can be modified for craps, yes, but in its original form works very well for Pai Gow Poker. Unless your 30% of losing hands comes fast and furious and knocks you out before any of your 41% of push hands or 29% of winning hands make an appearance.

Pai Gow Poker is a pretty cool game. In no way does skill at poker translate to skill at Pai Gow Poker-- it's all raw, stupid luck. There are some strategies, but like i've told you good Citizen SHoPpers and infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi, "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week."

And speaking of Trosama min Asi, btw, a special thanks to all of Tio Jaime's friends who aren't going to read this because they're busy reading other, stupider shit which doesn't even offer any practical analysis on something which they might enjoy, like oh I don't know-- Craps, perchance? No, no, no. Gotta read something on Salon, or about how some chick is running a regression on why dudes aren't calling her back depending on which base she let them get to.

What's even better is when one of Tio Jaime's friends e-mails him asking him to read some poem he posted on some obscure blog. And fully acknowledges that his SHoPping has been very infrequent, but asks Tio Jaime to overlook this inequity.

Back to the Pai Gow Poker. All raw, stupid luck I sez...

lucky you, bodog.com...

Pigfuckers. The goddam straight flush didn't win. Not with a 6-4 Low Hand. You like that? You'll love this one...

eff you, bodog.com...

And with that title attribute, I've found a new post title. Also gotta add two older recap posts about Insaniquarium. Check em out, you probably haven't read them. And then go play Insaniquarium.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith