holy shit this is the best solution ever! why didn't the SHoP think of this?!?

Mariane Pearl sues al Qaeda over husband's killing

I think we'd all agree that Al Qaeda sucks (for lack of better word). But really, suing them?

1) Why not just serve them Cease-and-Desist letters? You better make sure the letters are in English, Arabic, Terrorist, Spanish, and American Sign Language. And start thinking of ways to accomodate illiterate terrorists.

2) Why don't I just sue the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres for emotional distress caused by kicking the shit out of my SF Giants? It'll have the same effect...

3) You know what's a better solution than suing Al Qaeda? Killing every last one of them. Man, that'd be Priceless!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

God Bless the Elias Sports Bureau!

This is actually even cooler then when the Giants had an all 40+ outfield...

Excerpt from Old timers' day: record 7 40-year-olds to start Wednesday,

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Break out the Geritol, Ensure and Bengay. It really will be old-timers' day in the major leagues on Wednesday, when a record seven pitchers in their 40s are scheduled to start. The New York Yankees' Roger Clemens (44), Philadelphia's Jamie Moyer (44), Detroit's Kenny Rogers (42), San Diego's Greg Maddux (41), the New York Mets' Tom Glavine (41), Houston's Woody Williams (40) and Atlanta's John Smoltz (40) are set to pitch on the same day. The previous record of six was set last Friday, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, when all but Clemens started.

I'm actually somewhat surprised that 1) my Giants don't have any contributions to the geriatrification of baseball in this article, and 2) infrequent SHoP Overlord SixHertz hasn't provided us with an update of his favorite celebrity and her release from jail.

I'm just racking up the SHoP labels...

love always,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Joe Montana on his 51st birthday!

Slow day here on the SHoP. But while SixHertz contemplates his next Celebrity Update (i hope he finds some angelina jolie news. Or Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips news), I'll post about a celebrity we can all appreciate.

He's not so much a celebrity here in the Blue State Frontier (you like how I slipped in another SHoP tag?) as he is a demigod. And today is his birthday, according to my calendar.

49ers QB and bad-ass extrordinaire: Joe Montana (b. 11 June 1956)

What kind of bad-ass has Steve Young and Steve Bono as his backups? This guy right here.

wikipedia: Joe Montana
wikipedia: The Catch
Joe Montana's NFL stats
wikipedia: Joe, Montana

I was watching some NFL films special on the 1982 NFC Championship game against the Dallas Cowboys a few years back. After the Dwight Clark go-ahead touchdown, Too Tall Jones said to Montana, "You just beat America's Team."

Montana replied, "Well you can sit at home with the rest of America and watch the Super Bowl."

Happy Birthday, Joe Cool!

Go Niners!
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<update time="1112">
Couldn't find video of The Catch for you, so here's the closest thing...

Also, I'll repost this video, as Montana did spend some time with the Chefs...

</update>

Death to the Great Satan, oh yah you betcha!

Got this from OTW Mark...

Cabbies on edge as penalties begin

Interesting. Their interpretation of ISLAM is so RADICAL (and gnarly, and bodacious, and awesome, and any other superlative from the Reagan Administration of your choosing) that it seeks to disrupt the American Way of Life there in the heartland. Nevermind that "Islam prohibits the consumption of alcohol but not its transportation", oh no no no. Gotta test the waters. Gotta have a couple of dry runs to see exactly just what you can get away with. Gotta see just how far backwards the American Anti-Semitic Left will bend over to accomodate you so you can catch us off guard.

This is of particular interest to your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime as I am likely leaving the land of Blue State Fuck-ups for Minneapolis before the pennant race heats up. If the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo had her way, I'd be there before the All-Star Break.

(Which takes place this year, ironically enough, a mere twenty minutes away from Fort Tio Jaime.)

The conflict seems to be as such: Muslims like living in America. (Allah knows why. They seem to hate the Great Satan and all that she stands for.) Non-muslims in America want nothing more than to co-exist with all the diversity around them. These two seem to be mutually exclusive, what with Muslims not wanting to scan frozen pizzas with pepperoni at target, or drive you home from MSP if you have wine. And all of us normal, non-jihad-o-licious Americans just want to get rung up or driven home.

So here's my solution. And this should work wonders, what with Muslims free to exercise their peaceful religion without inconveniencing Little Sally Housefrau, and Joe American not having to worry about trying to scan his own bacon...

Require all Muslims who fear encroachment upon their religion to wear a Star and Crescent on their clothing

This way, let's say I'm making my way up to the cash registers at the Super Target with those Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets (which supposedly I love so very much). I see a cashier in full burka with a Star and Crescent sewn in right below her nametag-- Hagar.

Whoops. Let's not go to her completely empty checkstand, and let's go to the one right next to hers. Oh wait, another muslim cashier? But this one seems not to be perturbed by the idea of ringing up my hot pockets. Oh, and I have coupons.

Did you follow that? See, instead of going all hitler-tastic on you and requiring all Muslims to wear the Star and Crescent... I'm only recommending it for those who want to make a big stink about the Religious aspects of interacting with infidels such as myself.

Oh, and Muslims everywhere? They support the DH. Every single one of them. WTF. How would they feel if the 72 virgins actually turned out to be 64 virgins with whom you got to have unbridled sex and commit crime-against-nature acts in the afterlife... and 8 who only gave you incomplete handjobs leaving you to finish yourself off while looking at a completely different set of 8?

I'm gonna stand by that analogy. Divide by 8 and you'll see what I'm trying to say.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

OK opening week kinda sucked

1-6. That's fucking great. Abso-fucking-lutely great. Well, let's hope that it makes for many giants related SHoP posts. So let's fucking get this over with already...

it's going to be a lonnng season

AIM IM with LittleBell98. 11:26 PM CommissionerJimmy: WTF! CommissionerJimmy: "San Diego's Chris Young outdueled San Francisco's Matt Cain, who allowed just one hit in seven innings but lost 1-0 to the Padres on pinch-hitter Geoff Blum's sacrifice fly Monday night." CommissionerJimmy: how do you outduel somebody who only gave up one hit? LittleBell98: when your team sucks, you get shafted CommissionerJimmy: aside from giving up *no* hits CommissionerJimmy: dude CommissionerJimmy: we need shinjo CommissionerJimmy: benard CommissionerJimmy: santiago LittleBell98: hehe LittleBell98: it's going to be a lonnng season CommissionerJimmy: darren baker CommissionerJimmy: need to trade away Benitez for darren baker LittleBell98: lonnng season, dude

I think your pitcher can be outgunned, but your team can still win the game. I would think that if you gave up FOUR TIMES AS MANY HITS as the opposing pitcher did, that qualifies as an outgunning. Or in this case, an outdueling.

But hey, another Matt Cain near-no-hitter? Oh he's a-comin', you NL West pigfuckers! Pray that he doesn't get some magic beans from his uncle Barry...

Oh. Not Zito. The angry black one...

dude, that patch sucks!

LittleBell98: this team's terrible CommissionerJimmy: i think they're concentrating too hard on the all-star game CommissionerJimmy: that's the only thing i can think of LittleBell98: haha LittleBell98: the patch isnt even all that exciting CommissionerJimmy: dude, that patch sucks! LittleBell98: im not even sure if i want to drive to watch them this weekend in pittsburgh CommissionerJimmy: it looked like it was thrown on the jerseys as an afterthought 11:30 PM CommissionerJimmy: kind of like the bullpens at pac bell CommissionerJimmy: "oh fuck, we forgot about the all-star patches! quick! put em where ever you can find room!" LittleBell98: haha

Apparently near the completion of the design of Pac Bell Park, they realized all of a sudden, "oh shit, we don't have any bullpens!" So they had to squeeze them into the already cramped foul territory...

im guessing 79-82
LittleBell98: how many games you think we'll win this year? LittleBell98: im guessing 79-82 CommissionerJimmy: that'd be nice CommissionerJimmy: i think .500 is asking a bit much LittleBell98: i agree LittleBell98: this team cant compete against divisional rivals LittleBell98: just wait til the roadtrips out east start CommissionerJimmy: we're on pace to win 23! LittleBell98: haha

We kid. We kid because we care. We're gonna win at least 30 this year. You can take that to the bank!

we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop

CommissionerJimmy: the headlines at sfgiants.com are depressing CommissionerJimmy: "Cain dazzles, but still takes loss for Giants" CommissionerJimmy: "Rough second outing for Zito in Giants' loss" CommissionerJimmy: "Ortiz's return to Giants ends in defeat" LittleBell98: we could very well be 0-7, too 11:35 PM CommissionerJimmy: oh my favorite is "Bonds, Giants not ready to panic" LittleBell98: we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop LittleBell98: haha

Just think. If the G-men were 0-7, we'd be on pace to go 0-162. How fucking rad would that be? They should give us a wild card berth just because it'd be funny.

that didnt turn out well
CommissionerJimmy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-5wcT3dtii8 CommissionerJimmy: oh i like this one too... CommissionerJimmy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yY0Z-pnsbGU CommissionerJimmy: Erin Esurance is fucking *HAWT* 12:00 AM LittleBell98: marquis LittleBell98: that didnt turn out well LittleBell98: or jose, either

Unfortunately, that's the only Giants commercial from 2003 I can find online. There's another where they introduce Damian Moss and Ray Durham to the locker room. I actually have the Lou Seal beatbox one on my computer, somewhere. Got it from infrequent SHoP Overlord and Dodger Trash LMHBrent. Maybe I'll put it on youtube...

And Erin Esurance is HAWT. And Grissom and Cruz, Jr. were both wastes of eye-black.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

LOL The password is fidelio

Chatting with my buddy. It earned its way onto the SHoP.

You should probably go read the article first, otherwise it might not make sense. Gw'on now, git! It's the first line there...

Some SHoP Madness in the month of March

8:30 PM MwHCock: http://www.drivl.com/posts/view/738 JihadJimmy: LOL Gaylord the Camel 8:35 PM JihadJimmy: Otto the Orange?!? he's fucking rad! MwHCock: I Know!!! JihadJimmy: this is retarded... i'm @ #12 right now, and i bet there are gonna be some retarded choices in the top 10 MwHCock: oh no MwHCock: keep going JihadJimmy: Brutus Buckeye?!? MwHCock: he looks retarded JihadJimmy: well, OK there's no polishing a turd JihadJimmy: LOL The password is fidelio JihadJimmy: purdue pete as the Mask JihadJimmy: The Demon Deacon?!? this is horseshit 8:40 PM JihadJimmy: LOL the stanfurd tree won!!! MwHCock: told you it was worth watching MwHCock: sorry, reading JihadJimmy: NP i'm watching Nip/Tuck in the background

Heh. Go Bears. And nice job today, Stanfurd, against Louisville.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Wow. Thanks Giants Nation, for reminding me of one of the worst things I've ever watched with my own two eyes.

Pitchers and catchers report today in Giants Nation. I'm getting excited for this season, what with some familiar faces (Aurilia, Ortiz) returning to the Giants. I suppose, however, that for the rest of my life as a Giants fan, I'll have to relive this Disney-sponsored nightmare...

excerpt from Ortiz gets another shot in San Francisco

Ortiz was among the National League's premier pitchers during his Giants tenure, and his six-game winning streak helped push San Francisco into the playoffs in 2000. He later propelled the club to the 2002 World Series. Game 6 of the World Series against the Angels would be a pivotal moment. Ortiz gave up only two hits over 6 1/3 innngs, and then-manager Dusty Baker symbolically handed Oritz the "game ball" when pulled in the seventh. But San Francisco's 5-0 lead evaporated, and the Angels won that contest and captured Game 7 for the title. "I still have that ball," said Ortiz.

I can still remember that day. I was watching on a jumbotron at Yerba Buena Gardens, just outside the Metreon, along with maybe a thousand other Giants fans? We all knew that Russ Ortiz was prone to loading up the bases right around the sixth inning and just barely escaping with the win, so when Dusty pulled him, we figured it was for the better.

But then Dusty handed Russ the game ball.

And with one of my fuckhead friends counting down the outs (from 27 in the first inning, which we all told him was bad luck) we were witness to yet another sad chapter in Giants History-- via jumbotron.

Again, this would not be our year.

So, while certain older Giants fans can replay Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" off of Brooklyn Dodger Ralph Branca, my friends and I are stuck with memories of moping out of Yerba Buena Gardens thinking, "Oh fuck, we're gonna lose Game 7." I fuckin' hate Anahym.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

that should be the slogan for Cal Football 2K7: "Holiday Bowl. No more, no less."

Found this chat sitting in the Drafts. This was before Big Game.

Big Game Chat

Rafterman (6:36:57 PM): you ready for big game?!?!!? JihadJimmy (6:37:23 PM): dude, we've secured our Holiday Bowl berth... we don't really need to win this saturday Rafterman (6:37:32 PM): haha JihadJimmy (6:37:33 PM): we need to look ahead to the Holiday Bowl Rafterman (6:37:37 PM): PUT IN AYOOB!!! JihadJimmy (6:37:40 PM): LOL JihadJimmy (6:37:47 PM): Levy JihadJimmy (6:37:52 PM): start levy this saturday Rafterman (6:37:54 PM): longshore needs to conserve power for next season Rafterman (6:37:58 PM): haha Rafterman (6:38:09 PM): last I saw, we were favored by 28.5 JihadJimmy (6:38:12 PM): LOL JihadJimmy (6:38:16 PM): oh that's hilarious! JihadJimmy (6:38:27 PM): we're gonna stomp on stanfurd so hard Rafterman (6:38:42 PM): after losing to SC, the team should be pissed Rafterman (6:38:46 PM): and we're playing at home JihadJimmy (6:38:58 PM): oh our thug fans are gonna be pissed too Rafterman (6:39:12 PM): time for the players to pad their stats Rafterman (6:39:17 PM): 2 INT for Hughes Rafterman (6:39:21 PM): at least JihadJimmy (6:39:33 PM): although one of them, likely a filipino alum, will be satisfied and contented that we have accomplished our season goal of... Holiday Bowl! JihadJimmy (6:40:02 PM): that should be the slogan for Cal Football 2K7: "Holiday Bowl. No more, no less." Rafterman (6:42:48 PM): this year, we better win the holiday bowl

We didn't beat Stanfurd by 28-1/2 points. We beat them by 9. Shouldn't have been that close. Hughes didn't get 2 interceptions. Longshore had a completion percentage of under 50%. Lynch was held to under 70 yards? The game was a somewhat disappointing end to the regular college football season. And again, the Holiday Bowl is scheduled for the Thursday night after Christmas. I don't think I'll be able to watch the game, what with that pesky work thing and all...

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

OK. This is just freakin' RAD. And some fantasy sports too...

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again...

Found this on one of the linkdumps.

So it's come to this. I have to create a whole table with bgcolor=orange to get you to the random links I find
PUNCH OUT ROCK OUT MUSIC VIDEO

Although if you're a good Citizen SHoPper, you'll know that whenever your Tio Jaime says he found something on the linkdumps, it's usually pretty good. Lemme see if there's anything else out there for you...

OK, no linkdump stuff, but here's a site you should all sign up for so we can play. I've set up a League called "SixHertz House of Fantasy". My team is The Bloodpfharts and features Nancy Pelo-suck, Barbara Lee, and RINO-hottie Olympia Snowe (I've had somewhat of a hard-on for her since 1994).

Another table bgcolor=orange to grab your attention. Again, the header explaining the table will be longer than the actual link inside. Hopefully this won't be necessary a few posts down the line...
Fantasy Congress - Where People Play Politics!

Although I don't think there are drafting capabilities. I think you just pick your team and go. I'll open the league for play when I get a nice handful of teams.

OK back to work.

Tio Jaime
Comissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Go Down on a Bear, Arizona

Not too good of a day here in Golden Bear Nation.

No. 8 Bears Upended By Arizona, 24-20

That's just fucking great. Yes, Cal should've been able to punch it in for a TD from one yard out after that amazing catch by Hawkins on a play-action. And really, that 4-point differential between the TD we should've had and the FG we actually got was the goddam difference in the game...

...BUT IF CERTAIN REFEREES COULD NOT FUCK UP PASS INTERFERENCE CALLS, ARI-FUCKING-ZONA WOULDN'T HAVE SCORED THE GODDAM TYING TOUCHDOWN AND THE ACCOMPANYING MOMENTUM. FUCK.

Hughes said it right. Here's an excerpt from the yahoo! sports recap...

excerpt from NCAA Football - California Golden Bears/Arizona Wildcats Recap Saturday November 11, 2006 - Yahoo! Sports
"The whole game was like plays going their way," cornerback Daymeion Hughes said. "I was like, 'Man, this can't be real.'"

Holy Fucking Shit!!! You're goddam right they got all the plays going their way! They call pass interference on Hughes... they don't call pass interference on CamelToe or whatever his stupid Wildcat-Dumbfuck name is.

That's what his shitty name is? What the FUCK is a "syndric"? At least people have heard of a "Daymeion". Not so much a "Marshawn" or a "DeSean", no, but still... Syndric? That could've passed for the name of the cybernetics company they blew up in T2.

We're not gonna blow our wad and go straight to the Cal Bandsmen angry-chat... There are a few more gems from this shitty yahoo sports article, which are making me relive the horror and shittiness that was this afternoon. Read on, Citizen SHoPper...

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...
"It has been a long day, but it ended great," said Arizona coach Mike Stoops, who has beaten four ranked opponents in three seasons. "People rushing the field at the end, that's always a good sign."

Well you're just a huge fucking genius, aren't you? How the fuck did you beat Jeff Tedford? You don't hear Tedford saying stupid shit like that. Pigfucking Whore-izona trash.

Here's Hughes weighing in on the horseshit pass interference call I referenced earlier...

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...
"That play right there was crucial," Hughes said. "That's usually a no-call. It wasn't blatant. I was just going for the football." Two plays later, Arizona tailback Chris Henry scored on a 4-yard run to tie the game at 17-17.

Go watch the tape. He didn't push off any more than CamelToe did, and actually didn't even push off first. If you genuinely believe that was pass interference, stop reading now because you don't deserve a place at the grown-up table.

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...

On the next series, Longshore hit Hawkins behind the Arizona secondary. But with no one between him and the end zone, Hawkins stumbled at about the 10 and landed at the Wildcats' 1. Cal failed to score on two Marshawn Lynch runs and an incomplete pass and settled for a 20-yard field goal by Tom Schneider. The most painful play came on Cal's final thrust. Longshore hit Jackson for an apparent 63-yard touchdown pass with 2:18 to play. But the score was nullified by a video review, which showed that Jackson stepped out at Arizona's 41.

No, that wasn't the most painful play. That was obvious he stepped out-of-bounds. It really was more painful to watch the anemic offense fail to score from one yard out. Three times.

THREE FUCKING TIMES.

And this leads me to my favorite quote from the article, and is a wonderful segue into the chat!

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...

Or perhaps Cal didn't make enough plays. The Golden Bears came into this game averaging 36.3 points per game, tied with Oregon for most in the Pac-10. The Bears had the league's leading rusher, Lynch, and its most efficient passer, Longshore. But while Lynch rushed for 102 yards, the Bears never found an offensive rhythm. "You just have these games sometimes, and it was one of those games for us," Longshore said. "It's really nobody's fault. We just couldn't get anything going."

Thought this brand of excuse-making was only particular to the Trojans? Whatever happened to the Buck Stopping Here? Oh no, fuck that...

WTF kind of leader is that?

12:20 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF?!? That fucking dick! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "You just have these games sometimes, and it was one of those games for us," Longshore said. "It's really nobody's fault. We just couldn't get anything going." JihadJimmyMWCCDF: if you're the fucking QUARTERBACK, then it's YOUR GODDAM FAULT CalGlock: hahahah CalGlock: seriously JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF kind of leader is that? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody's fault? WHO THREW THE THREE FUCKING INTERCEPTIONS? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: U of A had 10 points off of those interceptions JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and oh shit, they won by 4 CalGlock: yeah, really JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody's fault MY ASS

No "I" in "team"... Definitely an "I" in "FAILURE".

Also, "INTERCEPTIONS".

Also, a huge fucking "I" in "HOLIDAY BOWL", isn't there?

fucking lazy oregonians
12:25 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh and yay, Oregon lost to U$C CalGlock: hah CalGlock: only by A LOT JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fucking lazy oregonians CalGlock: yeah CalGlock: really JihadJimmyMWCCDF: stupid shits CalGlock: it's as if they freak out when they play good teams like us and U$C

U$C's gonna do the same exact thing to us next weekend when we mosey-on-down to the LA Coliseum to decide the Pac-10 championship... Gonna be a fucking bloodbath. Start making plans for the Holiday Bowl. But really, that's alright with me from a jilted-bandsman perspective...

these little shits don't deserve it

JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck it JihadJimmyMWCCDF: we ain't going to the rose bowl this year CalGlock: probably not JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's fine JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i don't want Cal going to the Rose Bowl JihadJimmyMWCCDF: these little shits don't deserve it CalGlock: yeah CalGlock: The band doesn't deserve it CalGlock: they suck CalGlock: ex-comm sucks CalGlock: not while people I know are in band JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Cal can go to the Rose Bowl when my firstborn daughter is marching glockenspiel JihadJimmyMWCCDF: then and only then CalGlock: hehehe JihadJimmyMWCCDF: between now and then? that's a lot of filipino glocks that have to wait CalGlock: heheh

These little shits don't deserve it! Who paid the dues from 1997 through 2001? That was us, dude! Generation Tom. We should have free bear backer status for life. Or at least a discount. Prorate it according to the number of years Coach Tom was coaching while you were at Berkeley...

fuck Arizona, fuck these shitty referees

12:30 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck Arizona, fuck these shitty referees CalGlock: yeah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck it all... it was easier under tom holmoe. i knew what to expect JihadJimmyMWCCDF: when we lost? eh. no big deal. we always lose JihadJimmyMWCCDF: when we win? holy shit, we won! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nowadays... when we win? Well, BFD, we're supposed to win and win big CalGlock: yeah, really CalGlock: we're spoiled! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: exactly JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's why no rose bowl for us... until my daughter marches in the Tournament of Roses Parade CalGlock: hehehe JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh shit... next saturday in the LA coliseum? we're fucked... holiday bowl here we come! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yay! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: we're gonna lose Big Game 12:35 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuckin' stupid golden bears CalGlock: yeah.....really

Here we were, looking ahead to U$C... now nobody's looking ahead. We're all dreading Cal-U$C next weekend. We're gonna get creamed.

Go Bears, beat the spread!
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

It's Saturday Morning, Citizen SHoPpers!!!

Will hold off on a review of The Departed for right now, in lieu of some action in the SixHertz House of Sport. Watching Newsradio right now, gonna watch the St. Louis Cardinals sweep the San Diego Padres in a bit. Finish up my laundry, eventually head over to the Cal-Oregon game. Wasn't supposed to go, but my friend had an extra ticket so now i get to go and watch #11 Oregon play #16 Cal. Good shit.

But first, some chat...

there were alot of orientals @ the movie last night

9:05 AM TioJaime: yo! Rafterman: yo! Rafterman: did you get a ticket for today's game? TioJaime: i might have a ticket to Cal-Oregon! Rafterman: NICE!!! TioJaime: but i may have already promised to watch with kasha TioJaime: gotta call her to find out Rafterman: alright TioJaime: and if i used the ticket, i'd have to sit w/band friends for a bit... Rafterman: you should go Rafterman: if you can TioJaime: i'll just wait until the frat boys and sorority skanks around you guys leave early to go to Raleigh's TioJaime: oh dude, go watch The Departed Rafterman: I'll give em a gamecube and some natty ice Rafterman: they can play amongst themselves TioJaime: oh bro! that'd be SWEET Rafterman: yeah, the Departed looks good TioJaime: i watched some more of those videos from the bro rape guys... Rafterman: I want to see the original too TioJaime: they're pretty good Rafterman: the Departed is based on this hong kong movie called "Infernal Affairs" TioJaime: ya Rafterman: supposed to be good TioJaime: there were alot of orientals @ the movie last night Rafterman: haha

orientals, and women who go "awwww" when beloved characters die. That's fucking annoying. Back to the football.

go bells!
9:15 AM Rafterman: wow, minnesota lost in three straight games Rafterman: http://mercextra.com/blogs/hssports/2006/10/06/bells-route-no-1-mitty/ Rafterman: go bells!

The astute Citizen SHoPper will know that one SHoP Overlord went to Bellarmine Prep, and another SHoP Overlord (or Overlady) went to the school that lost to Bellarmine.

oh dude, go bells!
Rafterman: http://mercextra.com/blogs/collegesports/2006/10/06/hey-cal-fans-i-dont-hate-your-team/ TioJaime: brb laundry 9:20 AM Rafterman: this guy pisses me off, but he's kind of right 9:25 AM TioJaime: ya TioJaime: the one comment there seems to be some disgruntled SJSU kid TioJaime: oh dude, go bells!

I just finally got around to reading the article about the Bellarmine/Mitty game. Who won that now? I forget... any idea, Local Area Blog/Internet Admin SixHertz?

And if my memory serves me correctly, Bill Frist's bill doesn't become law until President Bush signs it, according to those groovy Satur-dee morning cartoon PSAs. So here, I'm betting against my alma mater. I still want us to win, but by no more than 5.

And wonderful. The Cardinals/Padres game is on ESPN2, and Tio Jaime dun't get that channel.

Watching Terminator 2 again, gonna work out.

Tio Jaime
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- one of my favorite lines from the movie...
John Connor: Jesus, you were gonna kill that guy!
T-800: Of course. I'm a Terminator.

Playoffs, we hardly knew ye

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Fuck you, San Francisco. I didn't want to see the no-hitter tonight anyway.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Well, I think we should kiss off any playoff chances we have... Giants Nay-shun, fellow Citizen SHoPpers, Giants Nay-shun!

Notes: Benitez still the closer

We're going for 10 in a row right now! Although since we're leading 8-3 in the top of the eighth, we might not get #10. Yes, that's ten losses. Did I mention Giants Nay-shun?

Here's an excerpt from the article above, because none of you wonderful Citizen SHoPpers will bother to read it:

Despite three consecutive blown saves on the road trip, a 13.50 ERA, .417 average against and two homers over that stretch, it'll still be Benitez theoretically coming to the rescue for the foreseeable future... Benitez, 4-2 with a 2.86 ERA and 13 saves this season, has said repeatedly the team has struggled in other ways -- hitting, defense, you name it -- and that he's hardly alone in causing defeats. "We're having bad luck," Benitez said of the current eight-game losing streak. "In the situation when I saved seven games in a row, nobody talked about it. It's hard to try to do the job, and people only look at it one way.

Whatever, FUCKER!!! You have one job, and that's to get the three outs which will let the G-men go into the clubhouse. Wow, you did it--

<update location="in-game">
Goddam Giants have given up 3 runs in the top of the ninth, leading 8-6 with two outs. Guess who's in the game now? Oh, and guess who walked his batter to let the tying run come to the plate?

Ha ha, guess who just got pulled?
</update>

seven games in a row? Wow. BFD. That's your job. Shit, that's a small part of your job. That's like me saying "I checked my e-mail at work."

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

PS- Schmidt's 10 K's help halt Giants' skid

Now if he'd been able to use his hands...

Found this story...

Seattle Times: Oregon boy dies in freak soccer accident

Although I have to admit that I did get caught up in a bit of the World Cup madness. Not because I played soccer one summer when I was like 10, but because of the world community coming together... and painting or otherwise slutting-up the world's nubile women.

Playboy Soccer Team for the World Cup 2006
Sexy Soccer Fans From The WorldCup 2006 in Germany
World Cup (I always like these. --TJ)
Brazil Playboy Soccer (You wanna know how to make the word "soccer" more appealing to Americans? Stick the words "Brazil" and "Playboy" in front of it. Really, stick those words in front of any word and you'll do fine. --TJ)
Keeley Hazell

I was about to just let the Brazilian chick have the entire post when I took the time to find out that Italy had won. They deserve a hotchick nod-- it's only fitting.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<hotchick>

</hotchick>

Fuck you, San Francisco. I didn't want to see the no-hitter tonight anyway.

If you're a frequent SHoPper, you'll know that two of the things which I hold dear are 1) The San Francisco Giants, and 2) my livid disdain for the Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups who populate San Francisco.

It's nice though, that I'm willing to forego #2 for #1-- at least for the roughly 30,000 people who happen to be in AT&T SBC Pacific Bell Park with me, cheering on the G-men. But HFS, now you're making me rethink my amnesty.

Giants hosting the Los Angeles Angels of Anahym tonight at Pac Bell. Old roommate Rafterman and I bought $10 VR tickets, wore our Robb Nen jerseys (Giants fans, don't feel obliged to read that article. You'll find yourself choking back tears.)

Matt Cain on the mound for the Giants, Kelvim Escobar on the mound for the Halos. Matt Cain walks Chone Figgins to start the game. Figgins tries to steal second, the throw from Alfonzo bounces short and then off of Figgins into shallow left-center. Barry Bonds hobbles over, but by then Figgins is waved home. Doesn't draw a throw from Bonds. It ain't even close. 1-0 Angels.

Cain gets out of the inning. Giants score two in the bottom of the first. Bonds doubled home Randy Winn, Mark Sweeney scores on Steve Finley RBI groundout to second. 2-1 Giants.

And then Matt Cain pitches a gem of a game! He's at 100 pitches right around the 6th or 7th, but he's still hitting 94, 95 on the gun. Pac Bell erupts when he strikes out the side in the seventh.

In the eighth, he strikes out Tim Salmon looking, who was pinch hitting for Escobar. The crowd loves it, especially those of us for whom 2002 will be remembered with pain and defeat. Two outs, top of the eighth. Chone Figgins up again.

I know it, Rafterman knows it, but like good baseball people, we're not saying a single thing. Cain has a no-hitter going, despite the unearned run in the first. Full count to Figgins, and the crowd is up on their feet--

"NO!!!" we scream, "SIT THE FUCK DOWN, IT'S ONLY THE EIGHTH GODDAM INNING!!!"

Line drive to center field. First hit of the game for the Angels. Goodbye, no-hitter.

"YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS," we yell to anybody in front of us who will listen. Which was nobody. "WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST TELL YOU?!?"

Matt Cain is pulled at the end of the eighth to a standing ovation. Myself and Rafterman included, of course. Armando Benitez is brought in to finish up the Nenth Inning.

Two outs. Full count. A loud, Filipino Republican yells, "FULL COUNT, WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP? YOU WERE SO EAGER BEFORE, BUT NOW YOU'RE SITTING DOWN LIKE HUMPS?!?"

Crowd stands up again.

"DID YOU NOT LEARN? SIT THE FUCK DOWN, YOU RETARDS!"

And another single. The oriental father and daughter in front of us start laughing as Rafterman and I start bitching again.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T STAND UP DURING A FULL COUNT WITH TWO OUTS!"

Tying run on first, go-ahead run in the batter's box. Pops up to centerfield for the final out. Giants 2 runs on 4 hits, 1 error. Angels 1 run on 2 hits, no errors.

That last out? Nobody was standing up. Batter popped up on a 0-1 count, I think. Doesn't fucking matter. The Giants didn't have their first no-hitter since 1976. Cain pitched one fucking sweet-assed game-- he's gonna be the next Jason Schmidt, or something-- but I'm still pissed at all of you Little Brains who stood up and deprived me and the SHoP of a no-hitter.

AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE: STOP GOUGING US ON GIANTS TICKETS ON CRAIGSLIST. Do that Little Brain shit on eBay. You can't even run your own stupid notions of socialism correctly. You have to have an angry Republican like myself to set you cheesedicks straight. Fuckity-fuck, even I understand the concept of this communal marketplace. But I don't try to make people think my shit doesn't stink. Enlightened my cold-hearted, capitalistic, philistine ass.

All of you San Franciscans make me sick. Especially you non-Northern-California-native San Franciscans. And it's not even enough that you love the Giants anymore. Next time, don't get so excited about a potential no-hitter. Rafterman and I made it throughout the entire first eight innings without saying "no-hitter". Sure, we said, "He's got good stuff," and "He's still hitting 95 on the gun with 120 pitches!" but not once did we jinx our pitcher. You did. You cost us that no-hitter. All of You can Get Bent.

But nice job, Matt Cain. Put on a great show tonight.

8.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 BB, 10 K

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Hey, Maggie, check it out... Cain was born in Dothan, AL.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

With the San Francisco Giants / It's Bye, Bye Baby!

Oh damn. And now your shitty young pitcher gave up a homer to our leadoff batter! And he was a former Mariner!

It really didn't end up mattering. Noah Lowry lasted all of three innings, and retired only 10 of the 17 Mariners he faced. The other two outs to get him through three were a double play and another example of shitty baserunning by Mariner retard Willie Bloomquist.

Seriously, dude! When the M's were in town this past week to play the A's, Bloomquist was severely beat trying to stretch a single to left into a double. The ball beat him to the second baseman by at least three steps. Moron.

And then tonight, again, caught trying to stretch the single after he saw the throw from left field go to the plate. Nope, Vizquel cut it off and got him at second base.

Shall we also bring up how Bloomquist was picked off of second? Oops. Too late. I already did.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Every time the chips are down / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

And then one or two batters later? Steve Finley homers off of Felix Hernandez. Ha ha. Your young pitcher sucks too!!!

Although seeing as to how long our young pitcher lasted...

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

When the Giants come to town / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

A 462-footer into deep right-center.

#718. Eat your hearts out, Washingtards.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Although really, I was more impressed by Ichiro's homer to lead off the home half of the first inning. Seriously, ooh, barry hit another homer? If he'd stolen a bag and Ichiro homered, now that'd be cool... we have a lot to look forward to this world series when Barry finishes his illustrious stint as a Giant at Safeco Field. Again: yeah right.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Tio Jaime's MLB favorite Giants against his AL favorite Mariners

You are allowed two favorite baseball teams. One from each League. I've been a Giants fan since 1984, 1985? And the nice thing about the bay area is that you can like both bay area teams. Back around 1989 and the Bay Bridge Series you had dual Giants/A's caps. Cool shit.

Although I never adopted the A's as my AL team, not even when I was one town away for college. After college though, when I was moved to Seattle for work, our office was mere minutes away by foot from brand new Safeco Field (and under-construction Seahawk Stadium). I didn't hate the mariners, although I seemed to hate their stupid fans. As much as I hate the holier-than-thou mentality which is the San Francisco Bay Area, it showed in my Giants-fandom. "Seattle isn't a baseball town!" And they weren't. Maybe they still aren't. But in the end, the Mariners fulfilled my baseball urges and I managed to forgive the Washingtards for not being fortunate enough to have been born in Giants Nation.

Also, I liked the Mariners' seafaring blues and greens better than I did Oakland's bright shitty green and thrown-in-as-an-afterthought gold. Nasty looking caps.

So there's my baseball lineage. Giants first, distant second the Mariners, very distant third the A's, and then everybody else. At the bottom of the list? The Red Sox and Yankees, followed by the Angels, and then of course the lowest of the low... the Dodgers. The main thing is yes, you can have two teams. But you must choose one when they do finally meet.

You can probably imagine my excitement at this interleague series. The G-Men and M's won't meet regular season probably for another 6 years or so, and the Giants probably won't be up in seattle for another 12. Maybe 18. I'll be old by then. Shit.

They'll meet in the Cactus League, maybe in an exhibition the weekend before opening day. Or... <snorts> even in The World Series. Yeah. Right. Like that'll happen anytime soon.

Go Giants,
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

hmph. We can kill babies, but not the poo' widdle bunnie wabbits

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... Screw this. We'll go right ahead and say what KGO couldn't: Chicks are waxing off and lasering off their pubes. THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 10:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. The video of the news segment isn't up yet, but check back in a few days. This is the epitome of California Leftist Whining. Jihad Jimmy Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude) Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude) SixHertz House of Chat 8:35 PM TioJaime: waaaa TioJaime: ABC 7 whining about Coursing in Fairfield TioJaime: "it's barbaric" TioJaime: STFU you stupid cunt TioJaime: oh yeah, ask a berkeley representative what she thinks of it TioJaime: SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJaime: dude, dogs killing animals is natural SixHertz: Coursing? TioJaime: you ever watch Snatch? TioJaime: they let greyhounds or other hunting dogs loose in a field to chase and most likely kill a wild jackrabbit TioJaime: BFD SixHertz: jesus. TioJaime: hold on, i'll find you a link SixHertz: let these people loose in the midwest SixHertz: hunting deer. SixHertz: OH NO! POOR BAMBI! SixHertz: BLAM!@ 8:40 PM TioJaime: ? TioJaime: http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=i_team&id=3874872 SixHertz: ok, i didn't get that one SixHertz: ok, got it SixHertz: trillian munged up the link SixHertz: oh, just because it's banned in England, it's not cool anymore. SixHertz: Let's look to Europe for laws! TioJaime: i'm surprised California hasn't banned it yet... TioJaime: they fucking ban everything else TioJaime: and i'm gonna play GTA:SA before they ban *that* SixHertz: hmph. We can kill babies, but not the poo' widdle bunnie wabbits 8:45 PM TioJaime: check out the video of the news story if you can... TioJaime: you'll *love* it

The What-Now Bowl game this weekend?

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... It's the Bay Area Sports, Stupid! Cry me a River you football-fumbling, interception-throwing PIG-EFFER Mr. President, we must not allow... a Hot Wife gap!!! you can't spell Betting on College Sports without BCS! THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 AM AND 11:00 AM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. Seems to be some big hullaballoo about this Super Bowl this Sun-dee. And I don't really care. No 49ers, no Gold Rush? What's the point? Except that Pittsburg(h) Amy convinced me to watch Colts-Steelers. She inherited Colts fandom from her father. Something about some Jimmy United or whatever his name was? Beats me. So yes, despite her having earned the moniker "Pittsburg(h) Amy", she's not a Steelers fan. And thank God. Was watching Colts-Steelers from the RCA dome at the Bellagio sportsbook. Holy fuck, that's a lot of useless steeler fans. And they managed to piss me off. I was hoping that the Colts would've been able to pull off that last minute comeback after the Steelers tried to run it in for another TD instead of downing the ball and running down the clock, but no such luck. So in the end, Pittsburg(h) Amy got a postcard from Las Vegas and I learned to hate Pittsburgh Steelers fans. Not so bad. But do I hate them enough to cheer for Seattle? Not sure. When I was living in Seattle a few years back and hanging out with LMHBrent (BoeingBrent back then, I suppose), I was about to adopt the Seahawks as my AFC team (for those newly sworn in as Citizen SHoPpers, my team is the SF giants, and a distant second is my AL favorite Mariners). Unfortunately, the NFL realigned that year and the Seahawks were moved to the NFC West, home of Joe-Montana-approved and Steve-Young-sponsored ass kickings. Until we've started to suck recently. So at this end, I'm left with disdain for the 'hawks and no AFC team. Pittsburg(h) Amy is making her case for her Colts. So Steelers/Seahawks? The seahawks fans didn't really piss me off, as Seattlites tend not to piss people off. It's really quite nice. I tell anybody who likes San Francisco that they'd like Seattle even better since it smells nicer and the people are friendlier. If you're looking for evergreen state football fans to piss you off, go check out the WSU cougars out in Pullman, WA. Fuck those guys. Anyway, it comes down to that: whose fans piss off Jihad Jimmy the least? Click to enlarge in new window And actually, I suppose I can be convinced to cheer for Pittsburgh to win by more than 4. Lemme see if I can set up a dummy bank account to handle my offshore casino-ing. Hopefully there'll be a Superbowl Party at the Zoo. Free buffet, 15' TV, and I'm already on the guestlist. Jihad Jimmy Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude) Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude) <update time=1042> FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH THE NAME!!! SBC Park to become AT&T Park Holy Fuck. Three different freaking names since it opened up in 2000? Fuck dudes! Make up your fucking minds already! How many times has goddam Safeco Field changed its goddam name? All of Goddam NONE! </update>