PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.
EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.
Heh, I found the article again, and it deserves its own post instead of some fake html in an update of the original SHoP post. I was afraid sfgate.com had updated the article, but oh yes here it is for your reading pleasure.
| Excerpt from THE MAZE MELTDOWN: East Bay commuters facing detours, jam-packed BART, emphasis mine |
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| Kevin Hershey of Oakland, who owns an optical shop in San Francisco's Union Square, said his commute won't be the only headache -- his business will probably suffer, as well. "I about started crying when I heard," said Hershey. "It will definitely affect my business. East Bay people will hesitate before going into the city to shop, and a lot are going to go to Walnut Creek instead." |
Oh God. For fuck's sake, dry your eyes, wipe your nose, and put on your Big Girl panties.
This is the same kind of snivelling, ball-less man that will elect Hillary or Obama. It's true-- God, I wish it wasn't, but this is typical for men in the Bay Area living in close proximity to San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.
Admittedly, there are things that will make men cry in sadness...
Mom or Dad dies
Dog dies
Wife dies
Child dies
UCLA overcoming a 17-point deficit at the half
Wife shot dead by Nina Myers at CTU Los Angeles
You've just foiled a bioterrorist threat against Los Angeles and finally exacted your revenge on Nina Myers for killing your wife (see above)
You're holding the lifeless body of Tony Almeida in Season 5
You're trying to blog, but accidentally read a spoiler on wikipedia about Tony Almeida dying in Season 5
Now you just read one line further and found out that Jack kills Curtis Manning in Season 6
She's using her teeth
Notice that I didn't even put anything like "Giants lose World Series" or "Got fired". These are both sad, but don't justify man-cryage. You can bury your face in your hands, shake your head in denial, pace the room like a crazy man, keep muttering "oh fuck me oh fuck me" to yourself-- but no crying, please.
And if you're going to cry because your store in San Francisco is going to be affected by flyover ramps GOING AWAY FROM SAN FRANCISCO... then just don't tell anybody. Definitely shouldn't tell the Chronicle, because they might put it up online. And now Tio Jaime is calling you a pussified Blue State Fuck-up.
| My favorite passage from Mary Schmich's classic column in the Chicago Tribune: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young |
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| Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. |
Off to lunch. Stay off the freeways.
Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)
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