Hiccup remedy you've probably never tried...

Was reading about this girl last night, whose five weeks of hiccups ended.

Sucks to be her, I guess. Nice that the hiccups stopped when she was going to sleep.

So then, as I am wont to do, I looked up "hiccup" on wikipedia, just to see what one of my newest favorite internet tubes says about something as simple and ubiquitous as a bodily function. My favorite exerpt is below, emphasis mine...

from wikipedia.org's entry on Hiccup

In 2006, Francis Fesmire of the University of Tennessee College of Medicine received an Ig Nobel prize for medicine after he published "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage" in 1988.[1] In an attempt to block the runaway messages on the vagus nerve, Fesmire found that stimulation of the vagus nerve by digital rectal massage worked, stopping a bout of hiccupping. Fesmire also commented "An orgasm results in incredible stimulation of the vagus nerve."

So you think, "Oh, OK. Cool, a hiccup study."

Then you get that puzzled look on your face-- "Wait. Hold on...

"Massage. OK, sounds good.

"Rectal massage? Oh no, that's not as good.

"Digital. Hmm. I'm guessing that's not technological in nature. Especially not since the digits on my hands seem to be evolutionally tailored to things requiring motor skills. Like massage."

And now you realize that some professor somewhere did an entire study on this. Perhaps you're now wondering just how he recruited subjects for this study? I know I was...

HELP WANTED FOR STUDY OF HICCUPS Got excessive and/or chronic hiccups? Don't mind touching yourself in or being touched by others in your bad area? Contact Dr. Fesmire for more info. And a good time.

Back in the third grade, our (myself and infrequent-SHoP Overlord SixHertz) teacher seemed to have numerous cures for hiccups. I don't think this was one of them though...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Safety Not Guaranteed By Any Means Necessary!

Some iChatter from this past week. Really, I think this post was just an excuse to be politically incorrect in that special SHoP way (MwHCock is Sikh). Oh, and also to link to a pretty funny YTMND.

lousy cousin getting married

9:16:23 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: new SHoP post up 9:16:44 PM MwHCock: I'm going to Canada tomorrow!! 9:16:51 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dude, sweet! 9:16:56 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: how long you in canadia for? 9:17:02 PM MwHCock: weekend 9:17:08 PM MwHCock: come back monday morning 9:17:11 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: cool 9:17:13 PM MwHCock: lousy cousin getting married 9:17:21 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i go to minnesota on tuesday 9:17:29 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: lousy kindergarten friend getting married 9:18:26 PM MwHCock: so what's the odds I get through security without getting pulled aside 9:18:30 PM MwHCock: keep in mind, I have a beard 9:18:49 PM MwHCock: and not a woman who i pretend is my lover since I'm gay, but facial hair

MwHCock's not gay. I think he just worded that incorrectly. Out of all my friends, MwHCock isn't the friend(s) about whom my parents ask from time to time, "Is he gay?"

And I've never heard of that expression before. If I can find you a definition online, I'll link to it here...

Beard Definition

I didn't want to spend too much time on that link. You get the picture.

http://timetraveler.ytmnd.com/

9:19:04 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ? is that what a beard is? 9:19:18 PM MwHCock: that's one type of beard 9:19:27 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and you should get yourself one of those PLO headdresses 9:19:53 PM MwHCock: that would be bad 9:20:24 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or, you could get a shoulder holster and load it up with toothpaste 9:21:29 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i just downloaded the song from this... 9:21:31 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://timetraveler.ytmnd.com/ 9:22:17 PM MwHCock: haha

That keffiyeh's pattern look familiar? Here it is in action...

bgcolor=burlywood. Because he's a shithead.

Rest assured that Ole' Uncle Yasser won't be making too many more appearances on the SHoP. Curious about the keffiyeh? Read THE MESSAGE IN ARAFAT'S HEADDRESS if you weren't completely sure that the PLO wants to kill all the Jews. Everywhere. Right now.

<update date="20060814" time="1932">
Found this one. If you liked the YTMND above, you'll like this one even better.

Temple of Time: Safety Not Guaranteed!
</update>

Fuck you, Gold Country Casino

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day
Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Went on another indian casino junket w/my grandma again. Pai Gow Poker was not kind. Again. A fucking buttload of Pai Gows to start off, and I'm down $50 in like 30 minutes. Never hit that hot streak like i wanted to, and the progression never got past 6 units. I won on 3 units only once. WTF.

And I'm not even pissed off about the Pai Gows either. Toward the end, I had three hands of Two Pairs, and each lost.

Tio Jaime: Pair of 3's and a Pair of 5's, with A-Q Low.
Gold Country Casino: Pair of 6's and a Pair of 8's, A-K Low. ASSHOLES.

Tio Jaime: Jacks and Eights.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens. FUCK YOU, GOLD COUNTRY.

Tio Jaime: Aces and Jacks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens.
Kickers: Tio Jaime's Queen loses to Gold Country's King. GO EAT A BIG ONE YOU INDIAN FUCKS.

Yeah. Fucking assholes. My Aces didn't win, they didn't even push. They fucking lost. I'm not going to explain it, so if you're still playing catch-up, go visit bodog and The Wizard of Odds and see why this is shitty. Also, please to be visiting those two sites if you're still trying to figure out whether or not I split the Jacks and Eights or even the Aces and Jacks in those last two hands.

If you're SixHertz and still lost, you can even give me a call and I'd be happy to explain it to you. Not that you'll listen.

Still reading? Then I have a treat for you because you're obviously a Degenerate Gambler like myself. Check this out-- I was dealt what is literally the shittiest hand possible in Pai Gow Poker!

Pai Gow, 9-High!

Do I need to explain why the 9-High is the lowest possible hand in Pai Gow Poker, SixH Citizen SHoPpers? Think low, think no straights.

Oh, almost forgot: Gold Country Casino sucks because 1) they don't allow cigars, and 2) it's a major hassle just to claim your free money. Almost not worth it, seeing as to how my time would've been better spent waiting in line for an open spot at the tables...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="2252">
And really, it's only fitting that he who introduced Tio Jaime to strip clubs and bodog.com chime in...

that chick would make a good stripper

7:47:13 PM MwHCock: post a SHoP update 7:47:14 PM TioJaime (Autoreply): Watching TV/Movie 7:48:14 PM TioJaime: i'll have some soon 10:09:00 PM MwHCock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDabp9h7ZOY 10:09:50 PM TioJaime: why do i want to go to the zoo all of a sudden? 10:10:15 PM MwHCock: that chick would make a good stripper 10:10:39 PM TioJaime: probably already is. you ever watch Beauty and the Geek? 10:10:48 PM MwHCock: no 10:10:50 PM TioJaime: check out how many of the Beauties are "cocktail waitresses" MwHCock went away (10:15:14 PM) Away Message: Late night In-N-Out Burger run (10:15:15 PM) MwHCock went idle (10:33:25 PM) 10:46:32 PM poke00210: there. three new posts.

</update>

Ignorance is a stripper named Bliss who has the Body of a 20-year-old but the Head of a 40-year-old

If you're on the outside looking in, thank your lucky stars. And I'm talking about the post title as well as the following chat transcript

If you manage to piece this conversation together through contextual clues or your own perception or God Forbid your knowledge of Tio Jaime's track record, ding ding ding! You're now a finalist in the Citizen SHoPper Hall of Shame for 2005!

Ya pervert. Have you considered petitioning SixH for authorship, or perhaps even fulfilling your SHoP Overlord duties?

I don't know where its all coming from
10:58 PM Trosama: Greetings TioJaime: helluhhh Trosama: I have taken 3, count them 3 post partem dumps today TioJaime: wow TioJaime: you must really be depressed right now Trosama: I don't know where its all coming from Trosama: I haven't eaten that much Trosama: super depressed

I see a non sequitur headed our way right about now...

THEFUNKSOULBROTHERBOOYAH!!!

and then chenelle with both of them

TioJaime: i rubbed two out to Eva from last night TioJaime: not in succession Trosama: I will be rubbing out 3 in 50 minutes Trosama: I will need a very good line up! TioJaime: shall i provide you with a lineup? Trosama: and preferably lots of naked women (Live) around me 11:00 PM Trosama: Oh this will have to be the T line up to end all line ups Trosama: We are talking suzan etc TioJaime: 1) your mom Trosama: OK TioJaime: 2) cousin Nooneh TioJaime: and then chenelle with both of them TioJaime: OK Trosama: Please to be giving my ultimate lineup not yours! TioJaime: i like your mom, but i wouldn't put your mom in a lineup TioJaime: and actually i wouldn't put your cousin in one either Trosama: OK Trosama: please to be giving me the true lineup 11:05 PM TioJaime: OK TioJaime: sunny TioJaime: ivy Trosama: If you want me to just give you the dollar you can say so. TioJaime: that whore of a waitress Trosama: I will make my own lineup TioJaime: her whore friend TioJaime: put this on your blog Trosama: I have no way of saving the chat TioJaime: please TioJaime: allow me Trosama: ok TioJaime: i'll even format it for you Trosama: ok

OK i'll give you a hint. The dollar of which Trosama min Asi speaks is the high stakes wager between Trosama and your very own Jihad Jimmy. I'll let you figure out the terms of the wager. Let's just say that it's hardly worth a dollar.

And for all of you who I haven't scared off yet...

Are you frightened?





Yes.





Not nearly frightened enough.

Anybody left? OK good. All four of you: tell four friends about the SHoP. Preferably not your parents. Although apparently Shiraz's parents have caught wind of the Lynndie and seem to be amused.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Behind the Scenes at the SHoP and Tio Jaime Nation

Here's a hint for any visiting trolls:

bgcolor=lightsalmon for right-leaning quotes
bgcolor=lightblue for left-leaning quotes
bgcolor=burlywood for scatological conversation
bgcolor=khaki for almost everything else

This is the convention I myself use. SixHertz himself doesn't have a convention. And for those of you who still haven't figured it out, I'm Tio Jaime-- not SixHertz. See the khaki down below? It's apolitical. Try to find it in your Little Brain to enjoy the post outside the realm of online, hyper-polarized, threatening-physical-violence-from-your-excremento-dial-up-connection politics. You'll probably even like it.

More Don and Mike goodness from your SHoP Overlords!

SixH: ok, send it on over SixH: :D TioJ: lemme export... TioJ: Phonescan Shout.mp3 TioJ: i finally fucking found the segment SixH: LOL! TioJ: OK so that in conjunction with the Dis Am De Black Dog sound? that explains two major things i've been saying for the past year SixH: the past two years. :P TioJ: past two years? SixH: yep. ;) SixH: poo comes out TioJ: maybe year and a half TioJ: yeah that was 02 august 2004 SixH: yeah;, that's more accurate. TioJ: i'm gonna listen to it again SixH: ;)

Normally, no, it's a bad practice to address your trolls directly in a post, but Holy Fucking Shit, this one isn't even entertaining by accident. At least Viking and Hilton and scott underhill and even that Chavez guy are entertaining when they visit. Those guys make you wanna post more in the hopes that they'll snipe you on your own blog. Oh yeah, you read that right...

Fried Weird? Makes me wanna turn the computer off and go play Halo. Or GTA:SA.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

This gets its own post.

Too important to let you wonderful Citizen SHoPpers marginalize because it was gonna be appended to the end of this post.

Go Bears, Beat the Cardinul!

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

[update time="1052" source="hotsaucelive.com"]
One more. Found this at hotsaucelive

Ode to the Nice Guys

bgcolor="burlywood" because this is the biggest crock of shit outside of shitantics. What can Brown do for you?

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Read the whole thing, goddamit. My counter-rant will mean so much more that way. while i agree that this is a good idea and a valiant attempt at shedding light on one of the growing problems with single women, really it boils down to this:

BFD. So we get a toast, we get a tribute? Who the fuck wants that?

What nobody knows is that this allegedly enlightened "chick", after writing this went out and took it doggy-style from the alcoholic who didn't call her back two weeks ago. And what were us nice guys doing? Playing GTA in the comfort of our celibate-cells? Wonderful. And really, did a "chick" even write this? To be able to fully encompass the grief which is being a "nice guy" is too much for the common woman to understand. They're too busy taking it doggy-style from alcoholics. Some dude wrote this between GTA missions.

Gimme a fucking break. You wrote us an Ode? You know how much shit nice guys go through because they're tricked into believing that you want to be friends? Way too goddam much! You know how much Halo I could've played instead of helping my hot, butterface neighbor with her goddam homework? Sure, I got to check out her low-rise jeans, but again: BFD.

My advice to us single men out there-- stop thinking about it. Stop trying to figure out exactly why she's fucking the guy who stole her car and confiding in you about it like you're her goddam sister. Women want to be treated like shit. Nevermind what they say, pay attention to what and more importantly who they do.

Don't try to be nice to the stupid woman, that's futile. Instead try to realize the truth.

Women like to be treated like shit.

Then you'll see it is not the other assholey alcoholic that is giving it to her doggy-style, but yourself.
[/update]

Commemoration of SixH's b-day in Las Vegas!!!

LIVE FROM THE BUSINESS CENTER OF THE IMPERIAL PALACE IN LOVELY LAS VEGAS, NV...

Unfortunately, SixHertz is not with us to celebrate. In Vegas... sorry, it sounded like "SixH is no longer with us". Anycrap, here's some pics for you to enjoy.

---

[update date=20050717 time=0859]
Back from Vegas. God, do I love Vegas. Here's one more photo-update as i get ready to take a shower and comemmorate 51 consecutive hours between sleep periods. I've been awake since getting up for work at 6am on Fri-dee. I think I'm gonna sleep until I have to get up for work on Mon-dee.

And I think I broke the seal only just now in Oakland. I dunno. The past 30 hours have been a bit of a blur.
[/update]

Update from the Blue State Frontier

Went to $3 Wednes-dee at The Zoo tonight. Yay for $3 scotch! Boo for this scotch being limited to Dewar's. =(

One of the newest Most Favored Strippers found me enjoying the scotch and espn's baseball recap, started to shoot the shit. Same Stripper, Different Day: "it's dead in here" "i haven't made any money tonight" la la la. She saw my silicone bracelets and asked about them. The orange GO GIANTS! one was self-explanatory. The green USO bracelet which reads SUPPORT OUR TROOPS kind of confused the belarussian stripper who has a somewhat-decent control of the English language.

Kashka: What does mean, "Troops"? Jihad Jimmy: "Soldiers." Kashka: Soldiers?! You like the soldiers? Jihad Jimmy: Yes. Kashka: You like the war?!?

At which point we proceeded to have a little debate about our current involvement trying to make the world a better place through the eradication of those who wish to see us SHoPpers and all that we hold dear consumed in an Allah-approved fireball. She started off many a sentence with "You Americans..."

Apparently, we Americans don't know a single thing about war and American Journalists are painting a rosy picture of the war for us (WTF?) and American soldiers aren't distinguishing between terrorists and innocent civilians because they're paid more for each person they kill.

And after hearing all of this, it took all of my gentlemanly powers not to ask her, "OK, so which one of us is stuck being a stripper?"

Asked her genuinely "Well what should America do then?" and she gave a good san fran-sicko liberal sarcastic response like "Oh yeah, we should go over there and start killing everybody!" It's nice that San Francisco has taught her well, ya? Then she tried pulling some "international law" shit on me. Heh. Nice try. That's child's play, you scantily clad eastern european stripper. (Answer: The UN proved itself to be useless with all of its resolutions which lead to Jack and Shit. And then Jack left town.) Then she tried the whole "America shouldn't be trying to police the world" tact but was quickly met with "Well if we're paying for 22 percent of the UN, we sure as hell have the right to ensure our interests" and a bit of the "if that's not what the world wants, we can just pull our money and membership out" and she didn't seem to like that idea. I wonder why?

She went on stage, took her top off, didn't garner very many tips because 1) it was a slow night and 2) she dared piss off the scotch-drinking regular who would've normally out-tipped the other choadstains drooling at her stageshow. Came back and told me (verbatim), "You're entitled to your opinion. But you have a stupid opinion and not all of the information."

So I mustered up my biggest shit-eating grin and said, "I can say the same exact thing about you."

Man, I love foreigners! Especially the ones who prance around onstage topless.

Then I went to another Zoo and bought an Arturo Fuente off of the bathroom attendant. Enjoyed it inside in California, thanks to this particular zoo's smoking room. Think airport lounge. But the rest of the passengers are watching airline counter staff shimmy all naked-liciously on brass poles.

All things considered? A pretty good night!

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

I love the smell of SHoP in the morning

Fri-dee! just past 730am PDT! Here are some quizzes for you, courtesy of miss o'hara's xanga page...

handgun quiz found here

Smith & Wessen .44 Magnum. You are old school. Fat Sheriff Deputies fancy you. Reliable but not too practical. What handgun are you? brought to you by Quizilla

And WTF, did they misspell "Wesson"?

Another one from the same post, but this one makes me feel somewhat gay. I think the loophole here is that ha ha, i've managed to sneak a pin-up pic onto the SHoP. I was hoping for Marilyn Monroe, admittedly... my mom was almost named Norma Jean, as an aside...

You're Betty Grable! What Classic Pin-Up Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Moving on, here's another one from miss o'hara, and engineers take note! If you're able to distinguish between periods of British literature, you need to put down the books and go pick up some Cliff's Notes. Saves a ton of time.

Which British Literary Period are you? Medieval 1066-1500--The time of Arthur and his knights, and Chaucer. Friendship and loyalty are important to you.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Preview isn't showing the last few links as it's on a white background. Hope that it'll show up on the SHoP. Lemme see if I can find you one more...

OK, unless i want to do the xanga-hunting (one of the reasons i'm moving over to the Blogspot Province, miss o'hara's quizzes'll hafta wait. Also nothing new on HoS or NERS, so it looks like we're gonna take a breather here.

Kudos, btw, to SixH for choosing, even if inadvertently, a blog name w/a cool acronym like SHoP. nice job dude

Jihad Jimmy, Mininster of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- thanks, btw, stupid literature quiz, for NOT CLOSING YOUR STUPID [font face=verdana,arial,helvetica size=2] TAG
pps- Oh screw it. that lit quiz looks so shitty, i'm gonna tool around w/it. gonna change the bgcolor for starters
ppps- ack. not burlywood.
pppps- darksalmon it is!

And when she was sad / I was there to comfort here / and I knew that she loved me.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The answer, my friend, is the SixHertz House of Pain. / The answer is the SixHertz House of Pain.

It wouldn't even bother me if these ignorant little kids were half as informed as the LIbEralS were ten years ago. Related note: dinner w/ex last night. She commented that i was an "old-school Republican" and we both concluded that i was a Republican stuck in the 90s.

Here. Check out what this little ignoramus C.U.N.T. is trying to say. And think back to the glory days for the democruds. I didn't get any smarter; if anything, i'm not as politically savvy as when i was the wacky Republican on Bellarmine's speech and debate team. (BCP NFL notes: shit, we lost to Logan and sweet, i like how our Mission Statement puts the holy warrior spin on the team. Shit, i'm sorry I gradoolated.) Since I'm no smarter, and it's getting easier and easier to dismantle the democrud mindset, the only logical conclusion is that they've managed to dilute their already watered-down ideas of perverted logic.

So let's get to the juicy meat of this post. Here's an excerpt from this little know-it-all's blog. I'd like to apologize to you SHoPpers in advance for making you read this schlock, but really now, it'll make the jimmy-response relevant. Formatting mine.

more ill-prepared drivel from this chick's blog...

Stupid things Bush said… “Social Security worked fine during the last century, but the math has changed. A generation of baby boomers is getting ready to retire. I happen to be one of them.” Yeah, right. You are going to need your Social Security to live on, like the rest of us? Hardly. “Secondly, I believe a reformed system should protect those who depend on Social Security the most. So I propose a Social Security system in the future where benefits for low-income workers will grow faster than benefits for people who are better off. By providing more generous benefits for low-income retirees, we’ll make this commitment: If you work hard and pay into Social Security your entire life, you will not retire into poverty.” I wonder who he considers “low-income” vs. “better off”.

Goddamit. What an idiot. She doesn't even snipe well. How the fuck am I supposed to lead a conservative jihad when my sworn enemies are just gonna roll over for us like the Republican Guard did in iraq? I can't, not with my fellow conservatives doubled-over laughing at this unprecedented stupidity.

It's like i'm sticking my chin out, letting them take the first swing. And then they do something retarded like reach into their pockets and throw Skittles at me. It's cute the first time but gets annoying fast. Here I am, looking to make an intelligent defense in the Culture War, and I end up dodging fruit chews with a candy shell.

Here's where I fire my volley, but realize this is like trying to fend off yummy, sugary projectiles with a gun. Funny because Tio Jaime is wasting his time at work, ha ha. Funnier because LIbEralS nowadays bring candy to gun fights. Not even knives. Goddamit.

another jimmy-comment on this chick's blog...

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith Says: May 4th, 2005 at 8:29 am 1) he just said he was a Baby Boomer about ready to retire. Anything you read past that is just an example of your own lack of reading comprehension 2) my God, he just flat out says that the have-nots will get more than the haves! what else are you possibly looking for? this is right up your alley! do you even understand this whole compare-and-contrast thing?

I'm so fucking sick of these mental-midgets! American Left: Please to be sending us an adversary worthy of our derision! And no, Al Franken came close but in the end was just a boring Tool.

Here, a SHoP exclusive. Here's what she should have said. I will show you that I truly can "out-liberal" you cheesedicks out there.

Tio Jaime doing somebody lazy-assed LIbEral'S work for her...

Stupid things Bush said… “Social Security worked fine during the last century, but the math has changed. A generation of baby boomers is getting ready to retire. I happen to be one of them.” Funny he should mention math. Really, funny that he should ever mention anything remotely academic in nature. He has his cadre of brains behind him so he never has to worry about anything but donning his cowboy boots and looking tough to the rest of the world and his lemming constituents. And fuckity-fuck, he's not retiring fast enough from his position as War-Criminal-in-Chief. Hillary would make such a better wartime president. She's vicious and she even scares her own Democratic Party. Who would dare stand up to that? “Secondly, I believe a reformed system should protect those who depend on Social Security the most. So I propose a Social Security system in the future where benefits for low-income workers will grow faster than benefits for people who are better off. By providing more generous benefits for low-income retirees, we’ll make this commitment: If you work hard and pay into Social Security your entire life, you will not retire into poverty.” Commitment! That's a fucking riot! Didn't he swear to uphold the Constitution in his inaugural oath? He went ahead and took a shit on that with the Patriot Act, so why should this promise of commitment be any different? It won't!

What the Fuck. How hard was that? I did it, and I pulled it entirely out of my ass. I didn't copy any democrud drivel that I'd read on some other retard's page. That's all original shit.

Do you see what I'm reduced to? How pathetic is that. I have to debate myself. (good thing i'm a Master Debater)

Faithful SHoPpers, i challenge you: compare your Tio Jaime's fake rant with another genuine rant and you tell me which one makes a better argument for the other team. I'm gonna start a SHoP segment soon where I have real democrud rants and a fake tio jaime rant. You'll have to Spot the Intruder.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Heh. And I thought the MiniTrue was a tough crowd...

Found some blog while checking out a referring URL that was a google search for "Bethany Whisper". Decided to post some basic right wing jimmy, just to stir the soup. Unfortunately, my comment is awaiting moderation. So I've printed it here, because ain't no way this one's getting past that little ignoramus of a LIbEral.

Original post here. Check it out. Yay for retarded children, likely the product of American public schools! did i mention yay?

My comment on this chick's blog...

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation. April 23rd, 2005 at 21:51 pm Wow, looks like you kids are getting stupider and stupider each day. I’m neither scared nor outraged. But don’t worry, I think I’ll sleep just fine w/o your pity. Since your pity is misguided and obviously rooted in a lack of understanding of issues of the world, you can go ahead and feel whatever you want towards whomever you want. Your indignance at the “brilliance” seems to be just that– indignance. No logic, no arguments, just good, old-fashioned emotion. Which is fine in the context of some little girl’s blog, but when you finally decide to come to the real world, you might want to try your hand at analytical reasoning and cognitive thought. debbie lemonhead - you’re a goddam genius. try letting up on the period key next time, ya? you didn’t seem to have the intended effect groovebunny - this is the nature of a lame duck politician. Or are you not aware how our political system works? And this is in texas. Did it never occur to you that Texans may just want this? It may not be that this is being covertly passed under their noses. The texans may simply not share your illogical, misprioritized worldview. Thank God. Daniel burns - the problem arises when every dumbfuck retard like yourself is allowed to procreate. And holy shit you’re a moron. We’re in the third millenium. Nice try, though, with the holier-than-thou. Go work on that. johnny huh - i like your style, man. ad hominem attacks and use of the f-word?. Fuck yeah, dude. =) I’d like to suggest though, that the dumbest act of the 21st century was nominating John Kerry. Because seriously, you lost to W. How the fuck did you manage to do that? I like your blue state elitism, I only wish that the rest of your comrades would follow suit. Keep it up.

I don't think that little chick's gonna publish that comment, do you? Hell, even the MiniTrue keeps all comments... this one here has to be my favorite though...

Funny comment on an old SHoP post

you'd think you would'nt like gyros since they are a middle eastern food, you sick racist piece of souless shit.

This angry, angry bad man's IP address can be found here. Heh.

For those of you white, self-righteous, and self-loathing liberals just joining the SHoP, I am more diverse than you and your thought police cronies could ever possibly hope to brainwash your little shitty offspring into becoming. I'm a racial minority, grew up with racial minority parents, went to school where diversity was valued above merit, and open my mind to different viewpoints.

Oh yeah, that's right. I used to buy the old, tired, dry, and parched LIbEral bee-ess about white people being bad and racist and how the earth is in danger because of bad, white racists using up all of the resources and building too many golf courses. Lucky for me, I came to the quick realization that my head was in my ass. Unfortunately, this realization came just right after the election of Bill Clin-tard.

Anycrap, yeah. I tried a different viewpoint-- which is a lot more than I can say for you LibEralS out there-- and found that it made a lot more sense than the bullshit drivel that has been pounded into our heads ever since the 60s.

There's your diversity right there. Strap on your kneepads and take a fucking number, because Republicans like me are popping up in the strangest of places.

And you're really starting to piss us off.

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Where did'ja come from, / Where did'ja go? / Where did'ja come from SHoPper-eyed Joe?

The SHoP is now getting visitors who googled for wacky and zany combinations of the following:

Marisa Miller
Perfect 10
amazing race
hayden
boobs
cleavage
NCIS theme song

But this next one puzzles me. What the hell were you trying to say, man? My God!

Search Engine: google.co.uk
Search Words: critical mastercard tv advertising of football two side one game priceless

This reminds me of a Don and Mike sound clip i recently made...

Excerpt from D&M soundclip "Sopranos News" from 28 June 2004

Mike O'Meara: You know what sentence you just said? You said, "He was the guy that was saying all the people that had the cancer when the boss was dying, you know." What the hell does that mean?

Next one is just as confusing.

Search Engine: search.yahoo.com
Search Words: fucking damn!for those people who get confused, Jaime is in the m

And now I'm falling asleep. Tomorrow is another day, SHoPpers...

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Another Day, Another Defecation

A conversation I had a few minutes ago on the company Nextel...

ForemanAnthony: James, you there? EngineerTioJaime: Anthony, go ahead. ForemanAnthony: You never made it back to the office, did you? EngineerTioJaime: I'm actually pulling into Benicia right now. ForemanAnthony: OK, gimme a call when you're back at your desk. EngineerTioJaime: Sure thing, gimme like three min-- no better give me ten minutes. I gotta use the bathroom. ForemanAnthony: OK just gimme a call when you're seated. EngineerTioJaime: I'm guessing you meant "seated at my desk".

No response, but lay 50 to win 1 that's what he meant.

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith