Went to $3 Wednes-dee at The Zoo tonight. Yay for $3 scotch! Boo for this scotch being limited to Dewar's. =(
One of the newest Most Favored Strippers found me enjoying the scotch and espn's baseball recap, started to shoot the shit. Same Stripper, Different Day: "it's dead in here" "i haven't made any money tonight" la la la. She saw my silicone bracelets and asked about them. The orange GO GIANTS! one was self-explanatory. The green USO bracelet which reads SUPPORT OUR TROOPS kind of confused the belarussian stripper who has a somewhat-decent control of the English language.
At which point we proceeded to have a little debate about our current involvement trying to make the world a better place through the eradication of those who wish to see us SHoPpers and all that we hold dear consumed in an Allah-approved fireball. She started off many a sentence with "You Americans..."
Kashka: What does mean, "Troops"?
Jihad Jimmy: "Soldiers."
Kashka: Soldiers?! You like the soldiers?
Jihad Jimmy: Yes.
Kashka: You like the war?!?
Apparently, we Americans don't know a single thing about war and American Journalists are painting a rosy picture of the war for us (WTF?) and American soldiers aren't distinguishing between terrorists and innocent civilians because they're paid more for each person they kill.
And after hearing all of this, it took all of my gentlemanly powers not to ask her, "OK, so which one of us is stuck being a stripper?"
Asked her genuinely "Well what should America do then?" and she gave a good san fran-sicko liberal sarcastic response like "Oh yeah, we should go over there and start killing everybody!" It's nice that San Francisco has taught her well, ya? Then she tried pulling some "international law" shit on me. Heh. Nice try. That's child's play, you scantily clad eastern european stripper. (Answer: The UN proved itself to be useless with all of its resolutions which lead to Jack and Shit. And then Jack left town.) Then she tried the whole "America shouldn't be trying to police the world" tact but was quickly met with "Well if we're paying for 22 percent of the UN, we sure as hell have the right to ensure our interests" and a bit of the "if that's not what the world wants, we can just pull our money and membership out" and she didn't seem to like that idea. I wonder why?
She went on stage, took her top off, didn't garner very many tips because 1) it was a slow night and 2) she dared piss off the scotch-drinking regular who would've normally out-tipped the other choadstains drooling at her stageshow. Came back and told me (verbatim), "You're entitled to your opinion. But you have a stupid opinion and not all of the information."
So I mustered up my biggest shit-eating grin and said, "I can say the same exact thing about you."
Man, I love foreigners! Especially the ones who prance around onstage topless.
Then I went to another Zoo and bought an Arturo Fuente off of the bathroom attendant. Enjoyed it inside in California, thanks to this particular zoo's smoking room. Think airport lounge. But the rest of the passengers are watching airline counter staff shimmy all naked-liciously on brass poles.
All things considered? A pretty good night!
all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
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