Here. Check out this article I found just now when i should've been trying to write that report.
Larry David Tries to 'Curb Global Warming'
I only clicked on it from My Yahoo! News headlines because more often than not articles with the words "global warning" are usually good SHoP fodder. Even much more so when it includes the word "curb". And the preceding phrase "kick hippies to the..." would be a nice addition, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
So is this craptacular journalism or what? The article doesn't really even address the basic W's...
| Jihad Jimmy's Guide to Media Operations within the Sphere of Influence of the Minitrue | |
|---|---|
| Who the fuck is this and lemme save you time by telling you up front that I'm not going to give a flying fuck anyway? | |
| When did this retard open his/her piehole and do you have an estimated STFU-time? |  |
| What exactly is this mental midget whining about today and do you think a cock-punching will be sufficient to get him to stop? | |
| Where is the LIbEral media trying to lead us today and please God is it next to the cyanide-laced Kool-Aid? | |
| Why the fuck did you need to give this writer a degree if he's just going to write this pointless crap? | |
I've been more and more tolerant of you wacky liberal arts majors (probably because I end up dating them and then from time to time making out with them and then draw your own conclusions, Citizen SHoPper) as time has gone on. But every once in a while, when one of you says something inexplicably inane, I can no longer hold back the swift Fist of Engineering Common Sense.
So hopefully, you're not some tool "AP Entertainment Writer" named "Jake" but ideally in law school. Maybe you've just taken the CA bar exam. Maybe you just found out that you passed the CA Bar exam and we're celebrating by getting drunk and making out in my truck outside the Zoo where you used to work sans clothing and avec tig ole bitties. Fake bitties.
And oh, when you got into my truck? Apparently you were also sans underwear that night.
God Bless my Truck,
Tio Jaime, Ministry of Truth Assistant Ombudsman
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