Hippies are the reason that God gave us Guns

Sweet Merciful Crap, do I hate hippies. And apparently so do rooms full of capitalists. Ha ha.

Found this post at one of the links that was e-mailed to me and other conservative bloggers. (Apparently he found it here.) I'd say that the pic at the post is funny, but I really can't fucking stand those stupid Priceless parodies. They aren't funny anymore. And no, I'm not in the mood to rant.

Kyoto protest beaten back by inflamed petrol traders (TJ: wow, that hippie is cute... the glasses? ooh, she's a classic jimmy-woman)
Greenpeace Protesters Find Oil Traders Bullish

You poor stupid hippies.

You poor, poor, misguided, deluded shit-for-brains hippies.

So you try to step to somebody's shit, who in turn totally RUIN your shit? Man, that's just embarassing. I hope these are foriegn hippies, because I don't recall Berkeley hippies being this stupid.

And hey, let's think about this, you fuckrods: What's the point of releasing rape alarms and sounding klaxons if you're just gonna end up giving out earplugs anyway? What the fuck kind of stupid message does that send? That you're sorry for annoying people with your childish antics? BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SORRY. YOU STRIVE ON ANNOYING PEOPLE.

This whole berkeley thing really warps my fucking perspective, even on things which I will try my best to marginalize! For fuck's sake, I could be a better hippie! I could totally get under people's skins more effectively than these stupid berkeley wannabes!

Ooh, your vans pulled up a few minutes after your ankle-grabber held the door open? WTF? You're lucky you made it inside if you took two minutes to wank each other off in little faggy vans instead of advancing on your objective! HFS, it's amazing you have enough cognitive ability amongst yourselves to be able to concoct something this intricate. Perhaps you had marching orders from some higher-ups. In which case, you were just following orders. And I'll bet you're Ok w/that as an excuse for all sorts of shit which can happen in the name of a political agenda.

And my littany of complaints doesn't really end unless I'm faced with la crap de la crap of hippies, the Berkeley hippies. Instead you have little pussy hippies who block a bridge in Seattle the morning that we go war and erect some stupid teepee/wigwam structure that has some stupid NO IRAQ WAR message scrawled by the least stoned of the bunch. Oh yeah, Seattle hippies blocked the morning commute from the rich east side (think Redmond) into downtown Seattle. Which is ballsy, I had to admit. I thought they were full of monkey-shit, but the stones on them to do that...

...until they started handing out coffee to the motorists trapped on the bridge. What the Shit is that?!? Was it just their aim to spark debate about the war? On the bridge in the middle of the morning commute? Fuck that shit! Hippies aren't nice! Hippies aren't considerate! Isn't that fucking annoying? They want you to think that their shit doesn't stink, and even then, they don't know how to go about doing it! The one thing they're good for- deluded and shitty moralism-- AND THEY CAN'T EVEN FUCKING DO IT!

Activists my ass. I hate them, but for the wrong reasons. I don't hate their message as much as I do their incompetence. I don't hate their misguided morals as much as I do their ineffectiveness. Another case of The Notorious J.A.M.E.S. no longer hating you, but pitying you. And that's just sad. That's not right, taking away my finely tuned and superbly focused hate... C'mere Hate, good boy! Who's a good Hate! You are, yes you are!

Read up on Berkeley hippies. They're a sharper bunch. They took over Barrows Hall once, Sproul Hall too... that sproul hall was a doozy too, the UCPD is located in the basement of sproul, and they managed to neutralize them with bike locks to lock down sproul and fans to render UCPD pepper spray useless. That's hardcore, even I had to hand it to them...

OK, and here's where the Berkeley-cultivated Republican guerilla shines through: I had considered the use of rape alarms to disrupt showings of F9/11 in and around the bay area. Unfortunately, the whole having-a-job thing prevented me from unleashing the wackiness on the disturbingly wacky. So pretty much the only things preventing me from being a berkeley hippie are: 1) severe aversion to patchoulli, 2) residence on the correct extreme of the political spectrum, and 3) my personal contributions to capitalism. Other than that, oh yeah, I'm a berkeley hippie through and through. A hippie who likes guns. That's right, guns, motherfuckers. BIG FUCKING GUNS! GET SOME! GET SOME!

Stupid, stupid hippies. This is what happens in war. The Culture War, you fucktards, the Culture War. And listen closely, because I'll tie this in nicely for all you good, little, God-fearing SHoPpers out there.

LISTEN. UNDERSTAND.

Hippies: don't be surprised when your non-violent, shit-eating tactics are met with violence. See, this is the reason we don't entrust people like you (and think about this before you punch the card for Hitlary in 2008) with big important things like war and capitalism. You wanna hobble and handicap yourselves by abiding by standards to which you and only you will honor? You're gonna fucking lose. (some of you may see where this is going already...)

One of the stupidest mistakes Starfleet made was the agreement not to equip their starships with cloaking devices. The Romulans and Klingons could use them all they wanted, sure, but not Starfleet. The only reason Starfleet didn't lose the war was because it was on TV. (There, that should cover all but the hippies stupidest of you)

Nuclear treaties with nations which no longer exist? You explain that one to me. Let's say I lent you five bucks. Then I died in a glorious, glorious four-way sex frenzy with Crap-On-Your-Bed Girl, Marisa Miller and Hayden from The Amazing Race 6. Dude, you do whatever-the-fuck-ever you wanna do with that five bucks. I ain't coming after you for it... I have died a happy, happy man.

Things like the Geneva Convention and POW protocols are fine and dandy, but not in a situation like the war when one of the sides doesn't abide by them. Ooh, we took the high road? La-di-fucking-da. Let's win this shit already.

All you SHoPpers know this already, but this is for your hippie friends who you will convince to read this post. Ideally. Heh. 1) There's a huge inequity of justice when our POWs get their fucking heads cut off and their POWs can't even be simply draped in a pretty Israeli flag, and 2) don't pass judgments on American servicemen's actions in war while you sit here in your precious little Blue State bubble and appreciate the freedom that some Red State Mother's son has given to you in blood.

Does that paint a rosy fucking picture or what?

,
Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith