I am the God of Hellfire, and I bring you...

...Hot Chocolate!

So if you're anything like your Tio Jaime, you like hot chocolate. (among other things. and more things. And even more things.) In fact you like hot chocolate so much that you're stupid and pigheaded when it comes to waiting for it to cool down. Which means that you've been burning your lips, mouth, and tongue for the past 20 years because your affinity for the hot, chocolate nectar far outweighs your vast array of patience and self-restraint.

But the past few days, I believe I've found the secret to drinking hot chocolate! Without waiting like a goody two-shoes, that is...

If you quickly dilute a sip of hot chocolate with your saliva, you don't burn yourself!

That's all. And you know what the cool thing is? You can also use this for tea and coffee! Cool shit, huh?

I'll drink mint tea every once in a while (Plantaion Mint from Bigelow. And I always end up in a racial invective. "Massa James! De confederates jus done won de war!" And I can't remember having coffee since I left Seattle a year-and-a-half ago. And even then I only had like 20 cups total? Over a year-and-a-half, yeah.

And I didn't like it as much as my hot chocolate, I wasn't in a rush to drink it, so it was cold most of the time.

And it pretty much tasted like spit anyway.

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith