Proof Positive that Hard-Leaning Leftists are MORONS

It's started. The predicted accusations from leftists blaming George Bush for Hurricane Katrina...

Katrina Should be A Lesson To US on Global Warming

Here's an example of Assholery in Action:

The toughest commentary of the day comes from Germany's Environmental Minister, Jargen Trittin, a Green Party member, who takes space in the Frankfurter Rundschau, a paper owned by the Social Democrats, to bash US President George W. Bush's environmental laxity. He begins by likening the photos and videos of the hurricane stricken areas to scenes from a Roland Emmerich sci-fi film and insists that global warming and climate change are making it ever more likely that storms and floods will plague America and Europe. "There is only one possible route of action," he writes. "Greenhouse gases have to be radically reduced and it has to happen worldwide. Until now, the US has kept its eyes shut to this emergency. (Americans) make up a mere 4 percent of the population, but are responsible for close to a quarter of emissions." He adds that the average American is responsible for double as much carbon dioxide as the average European.

Leave it to an environmentalist to take a weather event (fortuitous for his/her own causes, of course) and blow it completely out of proportion. First of all, it's not like there wasn't ever a Cat. 5 storm that passed through that area in the past. We only have 100 years or so of data...the last ice age was 10,000 years ago... But, oh, he lives in Germany...he's an expert on North American climate patterns. Secondly, yes, we may make up a mere 4 percent of the population...and we may be responsible for close to a quarter of the emissions...but what he neglected to say was how we've reduced our responsibility from 37% in 1975. AND WE'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR 1/3 OF WORLD ECONOMIC OUTPUT. It's time to stop making the US a scapegoat, especially from some goose-stepping gutter trash fischkopf. Finally, suck an egg, Europe. We're responsible for double as much as you turds because we work twice as hard as you. Take your 30 hour work weeks and shove 'em up your corn hole.

Conclusion: Dumbass!! Call me when a hurricane hits California and I'll give you the time of day...but maybe only after the social democrats of Germany name their paper after something that isn't a weenie.

Which brings me to my main point...where's Hollywood? They were OH SO QUICK to respond with money and concerts for the tsunami survivors in Asia...but Louisiana is a red state. Somebody start a timer and see how long it takes for Green Day to give a crap for American Idiots.

Educational Phoebe Cates-free Activity!, or: You can do magic / You can have anything that you desire

Tear yourself away from the previous post for a couple of seconds, will ya? Try this magic trick, I call it "The Time Traveller"

1) Read the Bostard Globe column here. Found this first on Mark Nicodemo's news-fest.
2) Highlight the text of the article.
3) Copy the text. If you have a Mac, hit Command-C If you have a PC, go buy a boat and take your computer "fishing" in the Berkeley Marina.
4) Open up a new document in Micro$uck Word.
5) Paste the text. If you have a Mac, hit Command-V. If you have a PC, bring it to me such that I might hate crime it.
6) Here's the cool part! Open up the Find and Replace window (Command-F), and click on the "Replace" tab.
7) In the "Find what:" field, enter "warming"
8) In the "Replace with:" field, enter "cooling"
9) Click on the "Replace All" button.
10) Yell at the top of your lungs, "ABRACADABRA, YOU LEFTIST HIPPIE BASTARD HUMPS!!!"

And now the leftist blathering from 2005 has magically transformed into leftist blathering from 1975! Thirty years back in time! Just like that! For added effect, in the background play the America song referenced in the title.

(And I was about to make a Phoebe Cates comment, but phoebe minus thirty years gives us a 12 year old unripened and illegal hottie. As such, keep all like-minded comments to yourself.)

What a joke. Global Warming didn't work for the hurricanes last year, and it isn't working this year. When are you pathetic excuses for Leftists gonna learn that Americans are miraculously (yeah, this boggles my mind too) getting too smart for your tired, Leftist bullshit?

You're the one who can put out the fire,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

If you look very closely you'll see a PJ O'Rourke quote in this post! Try it!

While watching Fast Times at Ridgemont High¹ last night, I finally transcribed the P.J. O'Rourke² quotes I had wanted to put up here on the SHoP waaaaay back when...

"NO WAR FOR OIL", eh? Heh, yeah that's pretty cute... or did you forget you were trying to push that line of crap on us?

Wow. A lot has happened in Tio Jaime Nation since then. And yet, here I am at work, just having met the boss's boss's boss and the boss's boss's boss's boss, stealing a few minutes to share some Right Wing Funny.

I wrote out some 13 or so quotes? I'll roll them out over the next week or so. You'll thank me later.

Excerpt from P.J. O'Rourke's The CEO of the Sofa, pg. 47

Just kidding. Actually it's the hell with me-- since I'll be the old person when the Social Security chain letter runs out of suckers. "Put your name at the bottom of the list. Mail a check for $1,200 to everyone over sixty-five. Break this chain and you'll never be elected to national political office." There is no money in the Social Security trust fund, and there never was. Money is a government IOU. Government can't create a trust fund by saving its own IOUs anymore than I could create a trust fund by writing I get a chunk of cash when I turn twenty-one on a piece of paper. Social Security is just such a piece of paper, except it says, I get a chunk of cash when I turn sixty-five, the government promises. Consult American Indians for a fuller discussion of government promises.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[hotchick origin="http://sixhertz.blogspot.com/2005/07/great-vengeance-and-furious-anger.html"]

Hot Chick3, circa 1982. Tio J and SixH and LMHBrent were 4 at the time. So was MwHCock. Was Shiraz even born yet?

[/hotchick]

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1 Good movie, btw. You'd think that something like this wouldn't have escaped me for the past 23 years.

2 In hindsight, is anybody paying attention to the PJ O'Rourke anymore?

3 I'd like to apologize again for having jumped on to the Phoebe Cates bandwagon extremely late. Sadly, my only exposure to her prior to last night was Gremlins, Gremlins 2, and Drop Dead Fred. What a waste of a HAWT little biscuit. Who, at 42, is a shoe-in for a Jimmy-woman

Early Sun-dee morning chat! Now with Fiber!

THE FOLLOWING CHAT TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 3:00 AM ON TIO JAIME'S SISTER'S BIRTHDAY.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Ahh, sweet sweet poop-can. Try to avoid it at all costs. The alternative is somewhat trite, but stick to the oft-referred-to Whoop-Ass.

you opened the poop-can

2:23 AM SixH: [RACIAL INVECTIVE]!!!! TioJ: que es el dealio? SixH: I could ask you the same question. TioJ: brb TioJ: dumpcon 2 SixH: heh 2:25 AM TioJ: false alarm TioJ: second one today TioJ: was just a huge fart SixH: jesus christ, dude. Get some fiber. TioJ: huh? TioJ: what does that have to do w/farting? SixH: you're all clogged up, man. SixH: you need to clean out the insides. SixH: colon blow, dude. TioJ: umm TioJ: i think i'm just abnormally gaseous SixH: ok, fair 'nuff. SixH: =D TioJ: i mean, i'm not eating any less fiber than i usually do TioJ: and on a normal day i usually crap twice SixH: ok, dude. I'm not a doctor. TioJ: hey TioJ: you opened the poop-can SixH: I think I'll take some fiber right now. 2:30 AM TioJ: and as such, you must reap the consequences

Dear SixHertz,

Don't Fear the Reaper.

Love,
Tiö Jaime

sounds like a sweet-assed satur-dee night
SixH: I feel all shitty-like inside. SixH: haha TiöJ: so what're you doing @ 230am, besides making me talk unnecessarily about pooping? TiöJ: which, might I add, is a rarity... me not wanting to talk about pooping SixH: using quicken. SixH: takin' care of bidness. TiöJ: sounds like a sweet-assed satur-dee night SixH: oh baby. get some ho's over here and let's get bizzaaayy!

Just wanted to isolate that bit for you all to read. And interestingly, the next morning's Mallard Fillmore touched upon SixH's typo above. I'm not sniping, just wanting to point out that yes, even we your SHoP Overlords (and one Overlady?) make mistakes from time to time. [cough]lordvoldemegan[/cough]

Although upon further review, the quarterback made the comments in a ebonics-mocking manner. The apostrophic error was not made accidentally but on purpose. The ruling on the field is therefore reversed to "Intentional Sarcasm." First down, SixHertz.

have you gotten glares?

TiöJ: sorry i'm not my normal zany Tio Jaime self... i have one emm-effer of a headache TiöJ: and i'm wondering if it has anything to do w/the Skoal SixH: oh shite. SixH: you are dipping? regularly now? TiöJ: well, shit, no. only on Fri-dee and Satur-dee nights TiöJ: i don't think i'm addicted or anything... SixH: hah SixH: right. SixH: that's bloody disgusting. TiöJ: what is? SixH: you're going to get cysts on the inside of your mouth. SixH: or is it mint snuff? 2:35 AM TiöJ: no it's bona fide tobacco... but it's only on the weekends TiöJ: and i use copious Longs generic mouthwash afterwards SixH: jeebus, dude. SixH: you need to move to a bona-fide red state now. SixH: You be a filipino redneck. TiöJ: it's more fun this way TiöJ: blue state leftist pussies don't particularly like it when i spit in the street right in front of them while they're having dinner in their San Francisco restaurants SixH: have you gotten glares? TiöJ: not so much glares as grimaces SixH: hah TiöJ: fuck 'em TiöJ: buncha hypocritical bastards SixH: agreed.

I like how SixH has adopted some British flava' in his exclamations.

God, I love it when their shit backfires on themselves

2:40 AM TiöJ: i still want to have a Guerilla Republican propaganda blitz centered around CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT PREYS ON YOUR STUPIDITY TiöJ: CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT'S FIFI OF THE MONTH SixH: I'm amazed it took the left so long to find its patsy. SixH: and such an asinine one at that. TiöJ: well, they've been trying TiöJ: Pablo Parades TiöJ: just like cindy sheehan, once they used up their 15 minutes and usefulness to the Democrats TiöJ: the Left pulled a Tio J and said "fuck em" SixH: Pablo was just an idiot showoff that tried to gain fame by getting out of a deployment. SixH: if he was a she, he would've gotten pregnant, like a lot of female sailors. TiöJ: absolutely TiöJ: if the Left really gave a fuck about him, they'd be out in force every weeekend 2:45 AM TiöJ: they don't care TiöJ: at least as Republicans, we've come to grips with and are not ashamed of our cold, callous lack of caring SixH: it's like they're throwing a bunch of thumbtacks hoping for a couple to stick on the wall. TiöJ: part of the fun of being republican TiöJ: keep throwing, you fuckers... it's all just riccocheting back into your racist, anti-semitic eyes TiöJ: God, I love it when their shit backfires on themselves TiöJ: it's a gimme! we just sit here in the flatulent comfort of our homes TiöJ: they try some shit SixH: I got my soluable fiber RIGHT HERE! TiöJ: which bites them in their asses

SixH is trying a double reverse option back to the poop. No such luck for him. And a crapload of non-scatological good fortune for you, Citizen SHoPper.

Enjoy it while it lasts.

oh wait, is Accessory to Murder still a felony?

SixH: I liked what I saw on one of the blogrolled sites... TiöJ: what's that SixH: standby... SixH: http://egyptiansandmonkey.blogspot.com/ TiöJ: i just read the post title, already i like where this is going SixH: that dude wants to kill her. 2:50 AM TiöJ: fuck dude, i'll drive him to vacaville TiöJ: drop him off, head over to Cache Creek TiöJ: play some California Craps TiöJ: oh wait, is Accessory to Murder still a felony? SixH: umm, I'm not sure, but I'm willing to bet it's something that stays on the record. TiöJ: hmm TiöJ: in combination w/my unpaid parking tickets, that'll probably end up badly for your Tio J

Sick San Francisco and Oakland and then San Francisco (again) jack-booted parking bastards. Go to Hell. And take your telemarketer night-jobs with you.

falling asleep here @ the keyboard

TiöJ: oh sweet! DNC chair Howard Dean is tied in to this Cindy Sheehan bullcrap SixH: each time I read smithantics I want to shoot a liberal in the face. TiöJ: aww yeah that article was from KGO! 2:55 AM TiöJ: home of your San Francisco 49ers and California Golden Bears! TiöJ: neither of whom really have a quarterback TiöJ: maybe we're gonna try the revolutionary no-QB offensive scheme SixH: LOL TiöJ: oh wait, KGO tv, not KGO radio TiöJ: eff me hard TiöJ: falling asleep here @ the keyboard TiöJ: i'm off to bed, dude TiöJ: happy quickening SixH: me too SixH: night. TiöJ: see ya

[update date="20050830" time="1037"]
Added JACK BAUER above.
[/update]

(Some of) The Reddest skies you've ever seen in Seattle

Not sure how I can expect any of you to pick up the reference in the title, and not even with previous SHoP posts to help you out. All of my friends who might read this blog are 27. And despite my repeated advice, still don't listen to the Don and Mike Show. Talk radio at it's finest, Citizen SHoPpers. If you liked Michael Savage, you'll love Don and Mike.¹

Not sure how old Mystery SHoP Commenter Mark Nicodemo is. But if I had to guess? I'd say he's still not old enough...

So if you've been keeping an ear to the railroad track within the past day, you might've caught wind of the recent bona fide black-on-white Hate Crime in Seattle (links here and here and here). You probably dig the whole black-dudes-beating-down-some-white-soldiers angle for the Hate Crime (not that it in any way is guaranteed to go down that way or even be spun that way in the media). But what about the soldier angle? I wouldn't put that past Seattle either. If you drive north to Everett or south to Tacoma and Olympia and Fort Lewis you can start to escape the hatred of the capitalist-jingo-theocrat-military conspiracy (heh. I still got the out-liberalling chops). But in Seattle proper, it's becoming a Diet San Francisco.² It may not taste better,³ but the Emerald City sure smells better than the City by the Bay, except for that one corner where the bus dropped me off by Union Station. (Ash Way P&R to Fourth and Washington)

OK. But let's put those Seattle bad-vibes back in the protective case for now, and let's take a look at something Reddish to come out of the home of my AL West cellar-dwelling Mariners.⁴

excerpt from Diners have sweet surprise for soldier, girlfriend by Susan Gilmore, Seattle Times

A few minutes later, a man at a nearby table — who wanted to remain anonymous — walked up to the restaurant owner. "I was noticing the young soldier and saw them looking at the menu," he told Canlis. "I know he was looking at prices and I know this is a special thing, so I would like to take care of part of their bill." Then another family, the Greenbergs, said they, too, wanted to help pay for the meal. By the end of the night several patrons had, unknown to Yanez, offered to pay for the young couple's meal. With Canlis also sharing the costs, the $150 bill evaporated. Yanez and Coleman were sharing a peach-cobbler dessert when Canlis walked up with a piece of molten chocolate lava cake. "There's folks in this restaurant who don't think you should have to share a dessert," Canlis told the couple. "And they don't think you should pay the bill."

Can you see this happening in San Francisco? And if it did, can you see this making the Chronicle? (Not sure how this slipped into the Times, tell you the truth.)

happy Fri-dee,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

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1 I first heard D&M on Seattle's own KQBZ The Buzz. They were on right before Tom Leykis, before the tom leykis show became worthless. Seattlites, Don and Mike are streaming now, so you don't need to move to Spokane to listen to them. I haven't lived in Seattle-land for more than two years now, but if you check my presets on my radio, you'll see The Buzz is still on there. I didn't change them yet.

2 So you have San Francisco. You also have North San Francisco-- Seattle-- which is SF's presentable cousin from up north who bathes. You also have Berkeley, which has been likened to "a tiny San Francisco on crack." And lucky for me, I've spent copious amounts of time in all of these excellent cities. No really, I love these cities despite their politics and lack of common sense. Good eats, good football/baseball, intelligent women.

3 Up in Seattle, their fish and chips aren't the beer battered kind. They use breadcrumbs or something. And our "soda" tastes better than their "pop". Heh.

4 All of one entire game behind my beloved Giants. My dream of a Giants-Mariners world series will wait yet another year.

and she just adjusted himself

You think these 3am Criticisms are disjointed and confusing? You should've tried watching these shows last night. Maybe the double-confusion will cancel itself out...

Unless you want to count the confusion in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Starved separately. In which case, the three confusions makes it confusing again. Ess on me

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Doubleheader 3am Criticisms of FX's new sitcoms!

You are now in chat room “FXisGaylicious.” TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (10:34:33 PM): hello dere TioJ (10:35:15 PM): was gonna shower before Starved TioJ (10:35:21 PM): but I'll wait TioJ (10:35:44 PM): and anyway, I think the first episode is gonna be It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia anyway TioJ (10:35:49 PM): the episode w/the chick w/the dick TioJ (10:36:56 PM): put Fear Factor on in the meantime TioJ (10:37:04 PM): Joe Rogan is completely unfunny TioJ (10:37:56 PM): why the fuck is Fear Factor still on the air? just to keep you NBC retards happy? TioJ (10:38:01 PM): please, stop watching NBC TioJ (11:03:16 PM): OK and IASiP was slated to start at 11:0-something TioJ (11:03:22 PM): so that's why i'm not pissed right now TioJ (11:05:15 PM): behold the v-chip TioJ (11:05:30 PM): TV MA LV TioJ (11:05:42 PM): language and violence? TioJ (11:05:46 PM): 12:40 PM TioJ (11:05:53 PM): On a Sunday(?) TioJ (11:05:58 PM): Philadelphia, PA TioJ (11:08:21 PM): one of the scruffy dudes has cancer TioJ (11:08:46 PM): it's Always Sunny in Philadelphia TioJ (11:08:57 PM): "Charlie Has Cancer" TioJ (11:10:35 PM): God that chick is ugly TioJ (11:12:29 PM): hot chick playing pool TioJ (11:12:39 PM): chick over by the pool table TioJ (11:12:49 PM): tranny TioJ (11:13:00 PM): "dick in those pants" TioJ (11:13:26 PM): ooh hot tranny TioJ (11:13:28 PM): holy shit TioJ (11:13:43 PM): they don't have them like that in San Francisco TioJ (11:13:50 PM): and she just adjusted himself TioJ (11:15:16 PM): nice shirt, but Sweet Dee is still old and ugly TioJ (11:19:15 PM): where have i seen that transsexual before? TioJ (11:19:42 PM): dude, he's hot TioJ (11:21:31 PM): and now there's potential for a duel over the janky waitress TioJ (11:29:14 PM): he punched another chick TioJ (11:29:30 PM): and it's OK because she has a penis TioJ (11:29:38 PM): and i think he was at pat's TioJ (11:29:40 PM): or geno's? TioJ (11:29:43 PM): hell if i know TioJ (11:30:36 PM): oh, and he doesn'thave cancer TioJ (11:31:04 PM): and Dee punched him in the face TioJ (11:31:10 PM): but unfortunately she's ugly TioJ (11:31:39 PM): waitress-whore TioJ (11:33:41 PM): oh, and it looks like IASiP has already moved to tuesday TioJ (11:33:47 PM): i just watched the rerun TioJ (11:34:13 PM): and i'm about to watch the rerun of Starved, which originally ran a hour and a half ago... TioJ (11:35:36 PM): oh shit that tranny was Brittany Daniel! TioJ (11:35:41 PM): TioJ (11:35:45 PM): TV MA LS TioJ (11:35:58 PM): Previously on Starved TioJ (11:37:06 PM): Lady Godiva biscuits commercial TioJ (11:38:24 PM): ooh it's the cute chick from the pilot TioJ (11:38:45 PM): she has janky teeth TioJ (11:39:24 PM): ooh and it's the AIDS angle TioJ (11:39:46 PM): IT'S NOT OK TioJ (11:40:12 PM): yay for blue NY... gotta get that AIDS plug TioJ (11:40:14 PM): heh plug TioJ (11:44:00 PM): holy jesus Billie's hot TioJ (11:44:47 PM): that english chick isn't very hot TioJ (11:45:22 PM): ewwww that chick is janky TioJ (11:46:22 PM): Belt Tighteners TioJ (11:46:31 PM): Ooh hi billie TioJ (11:58:30 PM): ooh hi bilie again TioJ (11:58:53 PM): you don't want to join the janky english chick and the Billie? TioJ (12:03:09 AM): and he had some cake TioJ (12:03:24 AM): i didn't quite get the the whole billie-sam thing TioJ (12:04:51 AM): that episode really sucked TioJ (12:05:04 AM): and i didn't get hte darryl hammond angle either TioJ has left the chat room.

Thurs-dee afternoon comics before my meeting

Had to cancel my teeth cleaning w/the cute 40-year-old hygienist this afternoon because I remembered I had a meeting at the same time. I'm headed to that meeting any second now, but first, here's a cartoon...



Yeah, I remember this Howard Dean gem from earlier this year. I remember thinking it as just some Leftist bile which served its divisional purpose. You know how you think of the zinger later on as your about to fall asleep?

Many days late, a few dollars short...
Would the Congressional Black Caucus have felt the same way if Dean had said "You think the RNC could get this many people of color in a single room? Only if they had the state penitentary in here"?

Not sure how this escaped the ever-watchful eye of the SHoP (and upon further examination of the blogosphere, thank God it didn't escape the rest of them) but funny how nobody got their panties in a bunch over Dean's assertion that black people were only meant to work in hotels.

gotta go,
JJ, MWCCDF

Get Bent, Critical Mass!!!

No time to explain exactly what Critical Mass is, nor is there time to find you a link about the bicyclist killed recently in the South Bay Area by the drunk real estate agent.

Bikes, cars share blame for dangers

But the case against Borlik is an exception, not the rule. A Mercury News review of bicycle fatalities over the past five years shows that most often, the cyclists themselves are at fault. Since 2000, 25 cyclists have died in Santa Clara and San Mateo counties after collisions with vehicle drivers. According to investigators, about half of them failed to follow a basic rule of the road or lost control of their bikes. Six cyclists were killed after they abruptly turned into a car, pulled out in front of a car, left the designated bike lane or rode against traffic. The most recent fatal accident occurred Sunday in San Jose, when a 15-year-old riding against traffic stopped to stamp out a cigarette and was hit by a driver who fled. "Motorists do dumb things, and bicyclists do even dumber things," said Mike Nelson, president of the Peninsula Bicycle & Pedestrian Coalition, which promotes cycling as an alternative to cars.

Well shit, I guess either I love you Citizen SHoPpers too much to make you find it yourselves, or I know deep down you won't even look because you're lazy humps.

Critical Mass in san francisco

And I surrender myself to the fact that even with the link above, some of you won't click on it to gain basic background information which will aid in the understanding of this post. Just trust me that Critical Mass would piss the SHoP off. It's some stupid monthly protest that clogs streets with bike traffic with the intent of drawing attention to themselves and their "cause". What a waste of human space.

Take into account the Merc's findings above which say that bicyclists are doing more to harm their own safety than non-bicyclists are, and you have what is called in HS speech and debate a "turn".

Go stick this straight up your asses, you fucking hippies. You're not even considerate enough to be the hot chicks in bike shorts or hot chicks in short skirts which ride up inappropriately.

Jihad Jimmy

ps- dammit, this was supposed to be a short post... was supposed to end right after the link to the article, but i just KNEW that you-- yes you Citizen SHoPper-- wouldn't read any of it unless i tacked on the rest of it...

[update date="20050825" time="1118"]
OK. SJ Mercury requires that you register. When I have time, I'll try to set up a SHoP login to be used to read articles towards which I've pointed you. I'd give you mine, but God only knows what you animals would hack into and which deviancies you'd sign me up for.

(into what you would hack, and up for which deviancies you'd sign me. heh)
[/update]

Funny, yet Poignant

Was surfing through MVRWC and found this. It's cool how this guy does a chart daily. One in particular that I came across was pretty good so I thought I'd post it here. And I'm gonna try that trackback feature. Thanks for the help, Tio Jaime...

Sweet Dee = butterface

I had to explain "butterface" to Marla on her birthday. We then proceeded to name off some mutual acquaintances of ours who are Butterfaces. We won't name them here, as people googling their own names have turned up the SHoP from time to time.

And if these 3am Criticisms confuse you, then please to be watching these episodes along side the 3amCs. Provided that the 3amC is live. And that I didn't post a week late. And that there are reruns because FX can't fill the rest of their schedule.

These 3amCs are the best way to watch TV w/your Tio Jaime w/o the inconvenience of coming to Oakland, CA and looking for parking in my neighborhood. Same goes w/the normal chats I'll post. You want a window into the mind of the 27-year-old Republican male? How about two 27-year-old Republican males? Then you're at the right place...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Live 3am Criticism of the best episode of It's Always Sunny in Phildadelphia thus far!!!

You are now in chat room “IASiPSucksAss.” TioJ (10:31:33 PM): TV MA LS TioJ (10:31:45 PM): 9:45 PM TioJ (10:31:49 PM): on a fri-dee TioJ (10:31:53 PM): in philadelphia, PA TioJ (10:31:58 PM): i give this episode 10 minutes TioJ (10:32:53 PM): really young crowd TioJ (10:33:15 PM): It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia TioJ (10:33:22 PM): "Underage Drinking: A National Concern" TioJ (10:35:23 PM): this show won't last until 10:40 CA time TioJ (10:35:53 PM): wow Sweet Dee is ugly TioJ (10:38:05 PM): ooh yeah hello Stephen TioJ (10:39:17 PM): jesus that kid was like 13 TioJ (10:40:43 PM): Jesus she has laugh lines TioJ (10:40:54 PM): and she looks like skeletor TioJ (10:42:50 PM): "listen dude, i'm legal. and i love to party" TioJ (10:43:35 PM): wow that chick's old TioJ (10:44:56 PM): dude, that's Moaning Myrtle! TioJ (10:45:32 PM): and i'd like to make out w/moaning myrtle TioJ (10:45:48 PM): and yeah dim, now you don't like the reporters TioJ (10:46:02 PM): Tony Sinclair! TioJ (10:46:14 PM): Ready to Tanqueray? TioJ (10:49:22 PM): and yay Sweet Dee TioJ (10:50:57 PM): heh crazy kids TioJ (10:50:58 PM): oops TioJ (10:51:07 PM): Sweet Dee = butterface TioJ (10:51:41 PM): whoa TioJ (10:51:51 PM): hot HS chick TioJ (10:52:07 PM): LOL TioJ (10:52:13 PM): whoa, i actually laughed TioJ (10:52:53 PM): this chick blackmailed him into going to the prom TioJ (10:53:40 PM): whatever beee-ooo! TioJ (10:54:29 PM): wow she looks terrible TioJ (10:55:45 PM): ooh yeah goddam TioJ (10:57:41 PM): Ok that was kinda funny TioJ (10:58:18 PM): what happened to moaning myrtle? TioJ (11:01:21 PM): OK next week the one w/the chick w/a dick TioJ (11:02:22 PM): that was actually a good episode! probably the best so far TioJ has left the chat room.

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OK went to play golf w/the office and i come back to my computer to find this unposted... Ess on me.

I'm leaving. New place opening in Oakland tonight, and they have chicken and waffles on the menu!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i don't want to go into details, but i do trim

3am Criticism of FX's Starved

You are now in chat room “AIMisHomotastic.” JihadJimmy has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy (9:42:10 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy (9:42:38 PM): in about 17 minutes, we'll 3am criticize FX's Starved JihadJimmy (9:42:48 PM): and dumb-holes, this is not speaking to yourself JihadJimmy (9:42:57 PM): i'm addressing all you Little Brains out there in the SHoP JihadJimmy (9:43:20 PM): whenever i watch TV and talk to myself my neighbors get pissed and knock on my door JihadJimmy (9:43:24 PM): huge fucking difference JihadJimmy (10:00:09 PM): TVMALS JihadJimmy (10:00:12 PM): TV MA LS JihadJimmy (10:00:18 PM): Previously on Starved JihadJimmy (10:00:26 PM): IT'S NOT OK JihadJimmy (10:00:34 PM): ooh hot enema chick JihadJimmy (10:01:00 PM): ass geyser JihadJimmy (10:01:12 PM): ooh billie JihadJimmy (10:01:45 PM): $300 on the Mets game JihadJimmy (10:02:05 PM): dick & balls JihadJimmy (10:02:58 PM): and now he's illustrating how trimming your pubes makes you look bigger JihadJimmy (10:03:05 PM): using sausage and hash browns JihadJimmy (10:03:48 PM): i don't want to go into details, but i do trim JihadJimmy (10:04:12 PM): bandaged and elevated JihadJimmy (10:04:15 PM): IT'S NOT OK JihadJimmy (10:10:29 PM): oosp was typing in the wrong window JihadJimmy (10:10:43 PM): Trosama must have wondere what the fuck was going on JihadJimmy (10:11:31 PM): my ballsac kinda hurts JihadJimmy (10:11:32 PM): LOL JihadJimmy (10:12:00 PM): and the hot chick is eating a huge sandwich? JihadJimmy (10:12:23 PM): i wrote in the wrong window JihadJimmy (10:12:32 PM): [stupid jimmy] JihadJimmy (10:12:40 PM): "Scrotal Origami" JihadJimmy (10:12:47 PM): mistress something-or-other JihadJimmy (10:12:50 PM): what a damn woman JihadJimmy (10:12:53 PM): [/stupid jimmy] JihadJimmy (10:13:22 PM): and she's eating chips and a coke JihadJimmy (10:15:39 PM): his nuts have swelled to the size of grapefruits JihadJimmy (10:17:15 PM): wow kim catrall is old JihadJimmy (10:17:21 PM): and gettin golder JihadJimmy (10:20:31 PM): ooh his secretary is cute JihadJimmy (10:21:15 PM): massage parlor JihadJimmy (10:21:33 PM): that's not teabagging JihadJimmy (10:22:03 PM): that's arabian goggles JihadJimmy (10:22:58 PM): and please don't ask me how i know the diffeernce JihadJimmy (10:23:04 PM): billie running, hot chick eating JihadJimmy (10:23:09 PM): she's gona throw up today JihadJimmy (10:24:22 PM): chemotherapy chick JihadJimmy (10:24:39 PM): she's still a cutie JihadJimmy (10:25:55 PM): cool, actual eating disorder support and shit JihadJimmy (10:26:17 PM): but you're hot, so it's OK JihadJimmy (10:28:21 PM): stay chuned for scenes from the all new Starved JihadJimmy (10:28:33 PM): IASiP is gonna suck tonight JihadJimmy (10:30:47 PM): whoa it's the chick from the cracker commercial JihadJimmy (10:31:00 PM): OK JihadJimmy has left the chat room.

[grabs crotch, shakes]

If that post title confuses you, read the chat and when it comes up in conversation, try it. Might make more sense that way.

And if you're a female SHoPper, please to be taking a picture and submitting it via e-mail.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Chatting w/SixHertz, 18 August 2005

6:28 PM TioJ: nice post (here and here and here) TioJ: posts SixH: =D SixH: little jab I took at you. SixH: ;) SixH: all in good fun TioJ: hey dude if i can't take it i shouldn't dish it out, ya? SixH: ya! TioJ: i was actually talking about your gas posts SixH: heh SixH: it was a quickie 6:30 PM TioJ: nobody got your C&H line TioJ: and i didn't get your second one TioJ: heh, you like jabs? i gots your jabs right here, baby TioJ: [grabs crotch, shakes] SixH: =P SixH: Lonshanks, Braveheart. TioJ: whoa whoa whoa... TioJ: really? 6:35 PM TioJ: oh fuck me DUMPCON 2 TioJ: brb SixH: google it. go ahead. 6:45 PM TioJ: goddamit go call Superfund 6:55 PM SixH: 5+ SixH: 0/333333333333332n ihO TioJ: ?? SixH: oops SixH: sorry SixH: was moving my keyboard. 7:00 PM TioJ: did you change the blogroll? SixH: i added someobne 7:10 PM TioJ: http://wizbangblog.com/archives/006808.php SixH: cute nerd 7:20 PM TioJ: go check out my comments on rightwingsparkle.blogspot.com 7:25 PM TioJ: jimmy's not pulling punches today

ooh there she is page 92 on Sept 2003

Sorry, this is a week late. Expect a buttload more TV shows.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Live 3am Criticism of OVER * THERE

You are now in chat room “aimsucksballs.” JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:59:28 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:59:36 PM): heh, AIM just took a shit on us... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:02 PM): la la la last week on OVER * THERE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:07 PM): ooh drunk redhead JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:21 PM): ooh hi army wife JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:45 PM): takin a shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:59 PM): reading porn and taking a shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:14 PM): Stars & Stripes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:24 PM): and he's wearing a gas mask JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:36 PM): "gotta be an officer": JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:03:29 PM): general wants his toilets JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:03:43 PM): ooh cute army chick JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:26 PM): "in the future, if you don't want the shit missions, don't be so good at doing them" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:57 PM): this is gonna be a Mrs. B free episode, huh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:09 PM): ooh, she was in maxim in her underwears, btw JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:47 PM): INCOMING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:00 PM): oops there goes the humvee JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:23 PM): OVER * THERE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:18 PM): his new wife got chunkier between the second and third episodes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:53 PM): or is this the fourth episode? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:32 PM): oh he's running away JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:41 PM): you can tell by the running-away music they're playing JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:13:50 PM): "suck my proof!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:15 PM): oh sorry, incom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:15:14 PM): incoming JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:15:57 PM): Tony Sinclair! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:18:59 PM): and we're back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:50 PM): STFU dim JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:20:09 PM): i don't like that guy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:20:46 PM): ooh Mrs. B JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:18 PM): Mrs. B means Mrs. Bitch JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:20 PM): M JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:24 PM): Bitch Mitchell JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:22:12 PM): oh shit, i think i somehow have the maxim where Mrs. B is in her underwear! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:22:31 PM): ooh mrs. b JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:22:54 PM): doublewide looks pissed JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:33 PM): ooh mrs. b JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:56 PM): perhaps she wants to be mor enaked JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:28:32 PM): ooh there she is page 92 on Sept 2003 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:28:42 PM): i like her better in fatigues JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:29:41 PM): oops got the taxi JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:34:28 PM): and their back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:34:31 PM): oh shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:34:33 PM): they're JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:35:35 PM): STFU dim JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:42 PM): i don't think that was Dim's house when he left in the pilot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:37:49 PM): whatever. get back to nicki aycox JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:38:13 PM): ha ha you're pregnant JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:38:30 PM): and he's still in iraq JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:39:03 PM): oh STFU JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:39:19 PM): yeah you "assassinate" civilians like this JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:39:55 PM): nobody watching FX right now gives a fuck about Henry II or some archbishop beckett JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:41:27 PM): yeah that's plausible and well written JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:41:35 PM): the kid was going to iraq JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:46:47 PM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:47:00 PM): nice how Smoke is whispering into Angel's right ear JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:50:27 PM): do your job, Dim JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:50:39 PM): "how bout you blow me?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:50:56 PM): IT'S KILLIN' TIME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:51:14 PM): is that like clobberin' time? not that i'm a comic book fiend JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:51:29 PM): if you'll notice, i don't have a stripper GF JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:09 PM): WTF you gonna do? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:29 PM): that's a buttloadof trucks JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:43 PM): yeah FUCK YOU TERRORIST JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:48 PM): TAKE THAT YOU PIGFUCKING TERRORIST JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:57 PM): HOW'S YOUR FUCKING CHEST? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:54:23 PM): YOU LIKE HOW THAT SHIT WORKS? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:54:33 PM): oh God not this inane themesong JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:06 PM): OK only 1 dead terrorist JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:27 PM): ooh nicki aycox JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:49 PM): oh waaah a dead terrorist JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:03 PM): cry me a fucking river JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:46 PM): OVER * THERE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:03 PM): Stay Chuned for scenes from the all new episode of O*T JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:15 PM): and shit, you could've at least shown a bit of Mrs. B skin JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:30 PM): next Wednesday JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:51 PM): ooh Double wide got hit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:16 PM): OK an embedded reporter JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:25 PM): sounds good JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:34 PM): as long as there are dead terrorists JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:37 PM): see ya next week JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Ghostrider, you are at three-quarters of a mile, call the ball...

In somewhat of a holding pattern until a) an inspector gets back to me on a couple of submittals and b) i get in contact w/the structures dude to find out more about these materials.

In the meantime, reading the Day by Day comic strip. Not so big a fan of the Kerri Walsh & Misty May(-Treanor?) ad on the side, as over the past few weeks I've become more of a Rachel Wacholder fan.

Kerri Walsh and Misty May aren't very tasty at all.

We've all seen these ads, and they have no doubt puzzled us all. Here we are, making inroads intellectually and politically in a revolutionary new form of DYI quasi-media... and we're bombarded by hot bikini chicks. And not that there should be any objections, as I think we're closer to the South Park wing of the Republican Party than the Pat Robertson Assassin Squad. (See my own likeness here, complete with jimmy-fitting definition of South Park Republican. Note the "tight abs" part and apply that to Ms. Wacholder above.)

I think the SHoP should jump on the bikini-chick bandwagon and put up an ad! God bless scantily clad capitalism!

SHoP logic puzzle!
Mystery SHoP author A went to HS with Kerri Walsh.
Mystery SHoP author B went to Kerri Walsh's rival high school.
When Kerri Walsh's college volleyball team was visiting, Mystery SHoP author B played in the pep band and would yell demeaning things about her HS mascot when she was serving.
Mystery SHoP author B's little sister actually plays on the AVP circuit. She lives in Santa Monica walking distance from the beach with Mystery SHoP author B's dog.
Mystery SHoP author C has at one point used a WSTE-M and a SPNKR-18/SPNKR-XP and a TOZT-7 on Mystery SHoP commenter A.
Mystery SHoP commenter A does not live in Cleveland.
Mystery SHoP author D probably has never been to Broadway Showgirls in San Francisco, CA.
Mystery SHoP commenter B has the same first and last name as Mark Nicodemo.
The dog's name is Georgia.
Mystery Citizen SHoPper U can enlarge in a new window by clicking on the thumbnail.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Good Pizza Is Hard To Find

Just this morning my girlfriend e-mails me asking if I knew of any good Chicago style pizzerias in LA, similar to Zachary's. Ahh, good ol' Zachary's. One of the many things I miss about the bay area is that place. They make one of the best (if not *the* best) Chicago-style deep dish pizza. The smell, the heavy box, the fact that you can only just eat at most two slices, no matter how hungry you are, thus giving you food for dinner and lunch and dinner the next day, and even on those days the pizza still tastes good...

In my defense, I went to Chicago to visit a buddy of mine and while there, I had a few of their pizzas. Yet I felt that Zachary's still was a step above. So to give my girlfriend some choices and secretly hoping to find something similar here in SoCal, I decided to check out various review sites (chowhound, craigslist, epinions). Most of them have said that there really isn't anything worth mentioning. In one of them, I think it was cl, I found a reference to Zachary's and they 'supposedly' had a recipe. So now you can make your own Zachary's at home! Here's the recipe:

Crust:
1 tbsp sugar
1 pkg (1 tbsp) yeast
2 cups lukewarm water
.25 cup vegetable oil
4 - 6 cups all purpose flour

* dissolve sugar and yeast in large bowl; let stand until bubbly
* add oil
* stir in 4 cups of flour until smooth
* knead appropriately
* turn into greased bowl and let rise until doubled
* make sauce
* punch down dowug and let rest for 10 minutes

Tomato Sauce:
2 tbsp olive oil
1 minced garlic clove
1 large can (28oz) of crushed tomatoes and puree
1.5 tsp minced fresh oregano
1.5 tsp minced fresh basil
pinch of salt
.25 tsp ground black pepper

* heat olive oil, saute garlic
* add tomatoes, spices

Simmer 30 minutes

Cheeses:
2.5 cups mozzarella cheese
.25 cup grated fresh parmesan cheese
.25 cup grated romano cheese

Spinach Pesto:
.25 cup pine nuts
3 chopped garlic cloves
.75 cup olive oil
1 cup chopped spinach
.75 cup basil leaves
.25 cup grated fresh parmesan cheese
.25 cup grated fresh romano cheese

* grind pine nuts, garlic and olive oil in food processor
* add spinach and basil, puree until smooth
* add cheeses
* add salt & pepper to taste

This makes enough for two large pizzas

Preparation Of The Whole Thing:
* roll out two thirds of dough on lightly floured surface
* fit this into pan and press dough over the sides
* mix cheeses and spread evenely over the dough
* roll out remaining dough to form a 14" circle
* place over the filled dough, seal of edges and remove excess
* pour the tomato sauce over the top layer
* top with spinach pesto

Bake in preheated 450 oven for 25-30 minutes or until crust is golden

It's the Indecision, Stupid!

Decisions, decisions. This whole new job thing? I want to buy one of two things and I don't know which way to go. Take a look SHoPpers...

1) NCAA 06 Football for my Xbox. approximately $50.I played five or six games of MVP Baseball 2005 this weekend, was about .500 with the giants against the Brewers and Padres at home. Schmidt, Tomko, and Williams all had no-hitters going into the 7th. Schmidt and Tomko both held the Brewers to one hit. Willliams had run support along the line of 13 runs. One HR by Moises Alou, and three by slugger Barry Bonds Larry Schmonds¹.

Didn't have a Cal picture nor a Giants Home Jersey picture...
click thumbnail to enlarge	click thumbnail to enlarge

2) an accordion on craigslist. $200 and higher. imagine the humiliation possible when i figure out how to play U$C's fight song² on one of these babies!!!

Fight On for old $C!

I suppose I'm in pretty good shape for a 27-year-old if my biggest problem right now is choosing between two kick-ass ways to bug my neighbors at 3am. Any suggestions, SHoPpers? Or if somebody out there would like to donate either one to your favorite Republican guerilla in the name of annoying Bay Aryan LIbEralS, ooh yeah. You think the SHoP is SixH's domain to whore himself out? (buy SHoP stuff, btw, click on the SHoP mermaid.) I can run w/the best of them, baby.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

---

1 As Barry does not fall under the jurisdiction of the MLBPA, his likeness is not in the game. Some white dude named Jon Dowd bats in his place. I've taken the liberty of renaming him Larry Schmonds. And making him black. And changing the number. And giving him armor at the plate. I'm still 7 back in the standings, though.
2 One of their fight songs at least, probably not their go-to fight song. "Tribute to Troy", which is played for each first down. Annoying shit. Go Bears/Bruins/Irish/Everybody-but-$C!

Oh we sooo freakin' know the way to San Jose!

hard at work here on a fri-dee afternoon, and here's what I found in between going through some State of California construction documents... the hometown of two of your favorite SHoP Cruise Directors, SixHertz and Tio Jaime...
... in Day by Day form!

Much like how the same can be said for caramelization (think creme brulee), everything is better in cartoon form! Especially liberal brunettes with glasses.

Workin' for the Weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

All your income are belong to us.

Ahh, yes...the good ol' days. Hell, I'm not that old, but I remember seeing gas prices in the $0.40's in the early '80's. Too depressing...

Who is this person who speaks to me as though I needed his advice?

Well, well, well...

[08/18/2005-14:32.49] Shiraz: ok, am reading six hertz
[08/18/2005-14:33.04] Shiraz: jimmy needs to lay off the conversations with himself
[08/18/2005-14:33.09] SixHertz: LOL
[08/18/2005-14:40.10] Shiraz: ok, weird convo
[08/18/2005-14:41.06] SixHertz: You actually take the time to read those?

Well, I know I don't have the patience to read that stuff...which I'm sure TioJ knows. I do however read the IM conversations with other people involved. How about our other SHoPpers out there?

10 points to the person who remembers from where the title of this post comes.

Dragonflies and katydids, but mostly chewed-up little kids...

My folks took this picture and sent it to me. Didn’t think dragonflies like this could exist in San Jose, CA. Well, I think it's pretty cool.

10 points to the first person who remembers where the title of this post came from...and no Googling it, either, you friggin' hosers. TioJ, sorry. I know you know this one.

and after all that, I can't think of a decent post title...

(was tempted to hold off on this post, what with a lot of traffic coming in on LMHBrent's post but a quick look at the referrer log shows people going straight to the post. so this shouldn't hinder the traffic at all)

Finished working out last night, took a quick shower. Looked at the yahoo! TV listings and found that four episodes of The Office would finish up right before OVER * THERE. So I figured I'd give it a whirl, what with seeing The Office mentioned from time to time among people who seem to have a pretty good bead on pop culture... Let's see how The Office fares in a SHoP Live 3am Criticism!

PLACE BETS NOW

You are now in chat room “TheOfficeMightSuck.” TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (7:54:33 PM): hello dere! TioJ (7:54:44 PM): OK so after a quick shower, I'm gonna try watching The Office TioJ (7:54:47 PM): heard a bit about this show TioJ (7:54:54 PM): and the pilot is on at 8pm, CA time TioJ (7:54:58 PM): so we're gonna watch TioJ (7:55:14 PM): four episodes until OVER * THERE TioJ (7:55:21 PM): and i'll keep going until they start to suck TioJ (7:55:24 PM): PLACE BETS NOW TioJ (7:55:39 PM): WILL TIO JAIME LAST THROUGH: TioJ (7:55:45 PM): A) 1 EPISODE OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:55:51 PM): B) 2 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:55:58 PM): C) 3 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:56:04 PM): D) 4 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:56:13 PM): or TioJ (7:56:15 PM): E) 0 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE? TioJ (7:56:17 PM): PLACE BETS NOW TioJ (7:58:48 PM): i'm cutting my toenails and will be having dinner in the background TioJ (7:59:04 PM): so pretty much this 3am Criticism will be limited to mean things TioJ (7:59:11 PM): ooh gap commercial with chicks in panties TioJ (7:59:13 PM): jimmy like TioJ (7:59:25 PM): are you still PLACE-ing BETS NOW? TioJ (7:59:38 PM): you got about 30s TioJ (8:00:00 PM): BETTING ENDS TioJ (8:00:23 PM): Steve Carell interviewing Steve Carell TioJ (8:00:30 PM): and they're plugging their new movie

Oh, it's that guy. No wonder his name looked familiar. I liked him in Anchorman-- both times i watched it. He was the saving grace the first time around. After watching the movie for a second time, the rest of it became entertaining...

wow this guy is funnier as a retard

TioJ (8:00:41 PM): The Office TioJ (8:05:15 PM): she's kinda cute TioJ (8:05:31 PM): "adapted for American television" TioJ (8:06:42 PM): wazzzuuuupp joke lasted 5 seconds too long TioJ (8:06:46 PM): oh just do it again TioJ (8:06:49 PM): you knowyou want to TioJ (8:07:12 PM): ooh hi legs TioJ (8:08:03 PM): hello legs and hello legs TioJ (8:09:11 PM): not bad so far TioJ (8:09:28 PM): God-zillary TioJ (8:09:33 PM): and jimmy just LOLed TioJ (8:09:37 PM): LedOL TioJ (8:09:53 PM): good shit so far TioJ (8:10:54 PM): she's kinda cute TioJ (8:11:20 PM): "demarcation" TioJ (8:11:36 PM): so far, pretty funny TioJ (8:11:39 PM): not too original TioJ (8:11:43 PM): but funny TioJ (8:11:44 PM): commercial TioJ (8:15:34 PM): somewhat funny? TioJ (8:19:58 PM): i laughed at the jello TioJ (8:22:05 PM): wow that's a lot of dead air for a TV show TioJ (8:24:52 PM): wow this guy is funnier as a retard TioJ (8:25:09 PM): and actually he's the unfunniest thing so far TioJ (8:25:12 PM): i laughed at the jello TioJ (8:25:32 PM): and the God-zillary TioJ (8:27:13 PM): OK i didn't laugh at that jello TioJ (8:29:48 PM): OK NBC is shitty, but i'm gonna try the next episode TioJ (8:30:01 PM): 1 down

Well that's not so good. It started off just fine, and they didn't try the Wazzup! joke after the uncomfortable silence at the beginning. Dave Letterman would've been able to pull it off, but not these unknowns.

And I did laugh at the speaker phone call that talked about the drapes and carpet, ha ha. And the jello. But only the first time. But it earned itself a second episode.

Well lemme rephrase that: it earned itself the right not to get shut down before the end of the first episode.

starting to pull a Charlie Wonka

TioJ (8:30:39 PM): "today... is diversity day" TioJ (8:31:42 PM): wow "retaliation" TioJ (8:31:51 PM): unfunny TioJ (8:33:42 PM): OK i'm surprised it took this long, but SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJ (8:34:22 PM): starting to pull a Charlie Wonka TioJ (8:34:39 PM): "white and indian" TioJ (8:35:47 PM): yay Chris Rock TioJ (8:36:20 PM): this is starting to take a shit TioJ (8:36:27 PM): and all because of why it shouldn't be taking a shit TioJ (8:37:18 PM): wow i didn't even make a sound during the Chris Rock sequence TioJ (8:37:19 PM): commercial TioJ (8:37:23 PM): ooh rachel mcadams TioJ (8:37:32 PM): and that creepy looking man-girl from batman TioJ (8:38:54 PM): yeah have "fancy chicken sandwiches" with a ghettoized shitty ad campaign TioJ (8:39:20 PM): just what kind of shitty demographic are they shooting for? TioJ (8:39:32 PM): hey that indian was in Old School TioJ (8:40:16 PM): wow NBC is getting shittier and shittier TioJ (8:40:27 PM): back TioJ (8:40:43 PM): "a hero kills people" TioJ (8:40:51 PM): "must be avenged" TioJ (8:40:57 PM): OK i laughed twice at that shit TioJ (8:43:08 PM): signed, Daffy Duck TioJ (8:44:29 PM): commercial TioJ (8:49:14 PM): wow that fake quote from lincoln wasn't even funny TioJ (8:50:47 PM): wow this is an amazingly retarded show TioJ (8:50:57 PM): "certain connotations" TioJ (8:52:06 PM): git-r-done! TioJ (8:53:22 PM): "too explosive" TioJ (8:54:37 PM): wow this show gets unfunny whenever steve carell comes onscreen TioJ (8:54:50 PM): is this what's carrying NBC? TioJ (8:56:02 PM): i like the jamaican chick TioJ (8:57:02 PM): should've touched her boobies

Interest waning severely! Expectations set dangerously too high!

Rereading my 3am Criticism, I was reminded... that dude who's in the new Rachel McAdams movie (was also in this summer's batman)? Holy Jesus, WTF is wrong w/that guy's face? I swear, he looks like a fucking girl! I don't wanna post a pic, lest i give myself nightmares, but look that guy up.

Quite frankly, he looks like this half-chinese guy i used to know, who, on the first day of band camp, I couldn't quite tell if he was a dude or a chick. If you know your Jaime History, you'll appreciate my restraint at omitting some details. It'll make a good story, but definitely not now, and probably not here. Check out Tio Jaime: Aleph One for more details.

Let's move on...

i can feel my hatred growing and evolving whenever Steve Carell speaks

TioJ (9:01:00 PM): "pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong" TioJ (9:01:04 PM): and we made it to the third episode TioJ (9:01:28 PM): maybe they should just ditch the shitty documentary form TioJ (9:05:23 PM): i can feel my hatred growing and evolving whenever Steve Carell speaks TioJ (9:05:45 PM): oh fuck you donald trump TioJ (9:05:49 PM): you shitty dumb-fuck TioJ (9:08:40 PM): "i gotta go I'm getting a call" (beat) "no, you're not" TioJ (9:08:52 PM): and they tried teh joke again TioJ (9:09:02 PM): took a shit the second time TioJ (9:10:54 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE MAKING THIS TV SHOW SUCK TioJ (9:14:29 PM): show sucking... TioJ (9:14:50 PM): did he swear? TioJ (9:15:28 PM): i laughed at the diseases TioJ (9:21:33 PM): oh my cat out of the bag TioJ (9:21:58 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJ (9:24:16 PM): LOL ANAL FISSURES TioJ (9:24:21 PM): Ok that was a funny bit TioJ (9:24:29 PM): that'll probably secure a next episode TioJ (9:24:36 PM): unless Steve Carell talks too much right now TioJ (9:26:03 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY TioJ (9:26:17 PM): GOD THIS GUY SUCKS HOW THE HELL DID HE GET HIS OWN MOVIE? TioJ (9:27:10 PM): he just took a huge shit at the chance for the fourth episode TioJ (9:27:17 PM): i'm tempted to turn it off before teh end of this one TioJ (9:29:18 PM): wow that was close they almost lost that 3rd episode

It would've been funnier at the end if, instead of trying to talk his way out of not having the Big Surprise, he'd just head-butted the big black dude and ran out of the office. No such luck.

On the other hand, the other people in this show are pretty funny. Why? Because they're believable. The Anal Fissures guy? The Inverted Vagina chick? Funny! Steve Carell? Annoying!

Take the boss from Office Space versus this annoying character from The Office. Which is more believable? Which situation can you identify more with? Sorry folks, but sometimes real life is a lot funnier than whatever random, nonsensical bullcrap which hollyweird pukes might try to tell you is supposed to be funny.

If you agree with that, you're a good common-sensical SHoPper capable of independent thought. If you don't, you're one of those people who laugh at things in movies because you see everybody around you in the theaters laughing and don't want to appear philistine.

Whatever dude. If you are worried about looking boorish in front of strangers, your issues are too great for us here in the SHoP to help you overcome. Go visit shitantics or something (thanks, mark, btw! i love that nickname!)

wow if it weren't for the kleavage i'd change this shit and read my P.J. O'Rourke

TioJ (9:29:53 PM): OK start of episode 4... TioJ (9:30:47 PM): wow so we're at 3 episodes right now, we'll see if this one takes a shit TioJ (9:31:07 PM): hey, that's unfunny TioJ (9:31:18 PM): ooh TioJ (9:31:31 PM): "don't say cocks" TioJ (9:31:43 PM): ooh wow TioJ (9:31:51 PM): "new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0" TioJ (9:31:55 PM): ooh holy shit TioJ (9:32:18 PM): she's cute TioJ (9:35:11 PM): techno-babble? not funny TioJ (9:35:21 PM): oscar the grouch? not funny TioJ (9:39:39 PM): hmm, they're back but it's not going so well TioJ (9:39:47 PM): the receptionist is cute TioJ (9:39:49 PM): ooh kleavage TioJ (9:40:24 PM): ooh hi red TioJ (9:40:50 PM): LOL purses are like mini-briefcases TioJ (9:40:58 PM): tha'ts just cruel TioJ (9:41:17 PM): wow, should you really be hanging up the receptionist's phone like that? TioJ (9:41:54 PM): wow, that could've been a lot funnier TioJ (9:43:54 PM): i wonder just how much more this show can suck TioJ (9:44:10 PM): commercial TioJ (9:44:26 PM): and there are tons of SF Bay Aryan chicks who absolutely love this show? TioJ (9:44:30 PM): this show blows TioJ (9:45:00 PM): i'm gonna tell you right now, they'll make 4 episodes, but only because of the redhead kleavage in #4 TioJ (9:45:58 PM): if you picked D, you win! TioJ (9:48:26 PM): wow TioJ (9:48:36 PM): retard-on-retard interaction isn't working so well TioJ (9:48:58 PM): "very easy to clean" TioJ (9:49:49 PM): wonderful, the receptionist and that jim-dude are the two normal ones TioJ (9:49:57 PM): she's no Beth from Newsradio TioJ (9:50:41 PM): "no" TioJ (9:50:45 PM): LOL TioJ (9:51:01 PM): yeah siddown you bitch TioJ (9:52:34 PM): wow if it weren't for the kleavage i'd change this shit and read my P.J. O'Rourke TioJ (9:54:05 PM): oh sweet! today's Don and Mike is online! downloading it right now TioJ (9:54:13 PM): there was a good Bill Clinton segment today TioJ (9:54:54 PM): ooh legs too TioJ (9:55:40 PM): maybe you should give him a script instead of letting him free-ball like that. TioJ (9:56:00 PM): BECAUSE HE'S SHITTY AT IMPROV TioJ (9:56:25 PM): do you SHoPpers wonder why you liked him so much in Anchorman? TioJ (9:56:38 PM): probably because somebody else was writing and shit TioJ (9:56:42 PM): what a puke fest TioJ (9:56:48 PM): i'm gonna set up TioJ (9:57:00 PM): ooh Victoria's Secret IPEX commercial TioJ (9:57:08 PM): i'm gonna set upa chat room for OVER * THERE TioJ (9:59:50 PM): OK that sucked TioJ (10:00:03 PM): enjoy OVER * THERE TioJ has left the chat room.

OK. We made it! Did anybody pick D? Anybody? Didn't think so.

I had my money on B, figuring that Steve Carell would say something amazingly annoying in the third episode and i'd turn it off in a huff. If anything, "anal fissures" in #3 and then the katie kleavage in #4 saved it.

4 D) 4 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 74.00 14.00 8.60
9 C) 3 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 3.30 2.60
6 B) 2 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 6.10

$2 Ex 4-9 $139.00
$2 Tri 4-9-6 $1,589.00
$2 Super 4-9-6-8 $11,679.00
$2 DD 5-4) $526.00
$2 Pk3 3-5-4 $2,910.00
$2 Pk4 1-3-5-4 $7,309.00
$2 Pk6 4-3-1-3-5-4 $47,421.00

just a couple of Chatty Cathies, gabbing it up

believe it or not, I actually had these links in the back of my mind while steering this chat...

out of courtesy to the NL West, I've linked to the dodgers and padres. i'm counting on them to make a bigger mess of their seasons than the Giants have of theirs.

and because i'm such a good damn friend, I've edited out SixH's swear word. Because he thinks you SHoPpers won't figure out what it was to begin with. Don't get mad at me-- his rules, I'm just try to poke the tiger and run away. Poke and run away, poke and run away.

I'll have the TV shows for you later this morning.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i miss the days when we were the NY Yankees of the NFL

11:29 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and why do i keep watching this twisted gif? 11:30 PM SixHertz: I like it too. 11:50 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Ok goodnight gorgeous JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm off to bed JihadJimmyMWCCDF: have you found me a gun-toting republi-chick yet? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: preferably one who hates hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and has hot-momma boots JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and a commission in the air force would be nice JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or even season tickets to the Giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'd settle for the padres JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit, even the dodgers 11:55 PM SixHertz: I'll keep looking. SixHertz: But some of Shiraz's friends have done the whole republican convention thing. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: much obliged, my friend JihadJimmyMWCCDF: whoa shit SixHertz: yeah, dude. SixHertz: they're hard core. SixHertz: and cute, too. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm guessing a different kind of hard core than the kind that will steal signs and commit misdemeanors JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ooh, speaking of signs SixHertz: hahah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you know those "The War is a Lie" signs that freewayblogger likes to put up? SixHertz: yeah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: I wanna put one up in berkeley that reads... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "CINDY SHEEHAN: THE LEFT PREYS ON YOUR STUPIDITY" SixHertz: LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit dude, you remember pablo parades? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: how's he doing nowadays? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: the Left sure as fuck doesn't know JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nor care SixHertz: hah SixHertz: yeah, he's done JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck him, they used him like a Fifi and threw him behind the bed JihadJimmyMWCCDF: THEY WERE MASTURBATING SixHertz: FRANK AND BEANS! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL? 12:00 AM SixHertz: no SixHertz: hahah SixHertz: DON'T EFF-ING TOUCH MY EAR! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: man what a great fucking movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and she's a niners fan JihadJimmyMWCCDF: hey, you gonna be back in the bay area sometime this winter? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you wanna go to a game at candlestick? SixHertz: I'd like to if I can SixHertz: I'll be going to a chargers game if they play the niners this year JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh it'll be great, you get to see the magnificence that is our beloved 49ers SixHertz: the magnificent suckitude SixHertz: oh man SixHertz: they can only get better. SixHertz: really. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: crap, yeah you're right JihadJimmyMWCCDF: unless they win LESS THAN TWO GAMES this year 12:05 AM SixHertz: ugh. SixHertz: don't remind me. SixHertz: of that shit they called a season last year. SixHertz: York must die. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i miss the days when we were the NY Yankees of the NFL SixHertz: heh, yeah SixHertz: Now we're the Expos. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dude, that's uncool