and after all that, I can't think of a decent post title...

(was tempted to hold off on this post, what with a lot of traffic coming in on LMHBrent's post but a quick look at the referrer log shows people going straight to the post. so this shouldn't hinder the traffic at all)

Finished working out last night, took a quick shower. Looked at the yahoo! TV listings and found that four episodes of The Office would finish up right before OVER * THERE. So I figured I'd give it a whirl, what with seeing The Office mentioned from time to time among people who seem to have a pretty good bead on pop culture... Let's see how The Office fares in a SHoP Live 3am Criticism!

PLACE BETS NOW

You are now in chat room “TheOfficeMightSuck.” TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (7:54:33 PM): hello dere! TioJ (7:54:44 PM): OK so after a quick shower, I'm gonna try watching The Office TioJ (7:54:47 PM): heard a bit about this show TioJ (7:54:54 PM): and the pilot is on at 8pm, CA time TioJ (7:54:58 PM): so we're gonna watch TioJ (7:55:14 PM): four episodes until OVER * THERE TioJ (7:55:21 PM): and i'll keep going until they start to suck TioJ (7:55:24 PM): PLACE BETS NOW TioJ (7:55:39 PM): WILL TIO JAIME LAST THROUGH: TioJ (7:55:45 PM): A) 1 EPISODE OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:55:51 PM): B) 2 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:55:58 PM): C) 3 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:56:04 PM): D) 4 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE TioJ (7:56:13 PM): or TioJ (7:56:15 PM): E) 0 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE? TioJ (7:56:17 PM): PLACE BETS NOW TioJ (7:58:48 PM): i'm cutting my toenails and will be having dinner in the background TioJ (7:59:04 PM): so pretty much this 3am Criticism will be limited to mean things TioJ (7:59:11 PM): ooh gap commercial with chicks in panties TioJ (7:59:13 PM): jimmy like TioJ (7:59:25 PM): are you still PLACE-ing BETS NOW? TioJ (7:59:38 PM): you got about 30s TioJ (8:00:00 PM): BETTING ENDS TioJ (8:00:23 PM): Steve Carell interviewing Steve Carell TioJ (8:00:30 PM): and they're plugging their new movie

Oh, it's that guy. No wonder his name looked familiar. I liked him in Anchorman-- both times i watched it. He was the saving grace the first time around. After watching the movie for a second time, the rest of it became entertaining...

wow this guy is funnier as a retard

TioJ (8:00:41 PM): The Office TioJ (8:05:15 PM): she's kinda cute TioJ (8:05:31 PM): "adapted for American television" TioJ (8:06:42 PM): wazzzuuuupp joke lasted 5 seconds too long TioJ (8:06:46 PM): oh just do it again TioJ (8:06:49 PM): you knowyou want to TioJ (8:07:12 PM): ooh hi legs TioJ (8:08:03 PM): hello legs and hello legs TioJ (8:09:11 PM): not bad so far TioJ (8:09:28 PM): God-zillary TioJ (8:09:33 PM): and jimmy just LOLed TioJ (8:09:37 PM): LedOL TioJ (8:09:53 PM): good shit so far TioJ (8:10:54 PM): she's kinda cute TioJ (8:11:20 PM): "demarcation" TioJ (8:11:36 PM): so far, pretty funny TioJ (8:11:39 PM): not too original TioJ (8:11:43 PM): but funny TioJ (8:11:44 PM): commercial TioJ (8:15:34 PM): somewhat funny? TioJ (8:19:58 PM): i laughed at the jello TioJ (8:22:05 PM): wow that's a lot of dead air for a TV show TioJ (8:24:52 PM): wow this guy is funnier as a retard TioJ (8:25:09 PM): and actually he's the unfunniest thing so far TioJ (8:25:12 PM): i laughed at the jello TioJ (8:25:32 PM): and the God-zillary TioJ (8:27:13 PM): OK i didn't laugh at that jello TioJ (8:29:48 PM): OK NBC is shitty, but i'm gonna try the next episode TioJ (8:30:01 PM): 1 down

Well that's not so good. It started off just fine, and they didn't try the Wazzup! joke after the uncomfortable silence at the beginning. Dave Letterman would've been able to pull it off, but not these unknowns.

And I did laugh at the speaker phone call that talked about the drapes and carpet, ha ha. And the jello. But only the first time. But it earned itself a second episode.

Well lemme rephrase that: it earned itself the right not to get shut down before the end of the first episode.

starting to pull a Charlie Wonka

TioJ (8:30:39 PM): "today... is diversity day" TioJ (8:31:42 PM): wow "retaliation" TioJ (8:31:51 PM): unfunny TioJ (8:33:42 PM): OK i'm surprised it took this long, but SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJ (8:34:22 PM): starting to pull a Charlie Wonka TioJ (8:34:39 PM): "white and indian" TioJ (8:35:47 PM): yay Chris Rock TioJ (8:36:20 PM): this is starting to take a shit TioJ (8:36:27 PM): and all because of why it shouldn't be taking a shit TioJ (8:37:18 PM): wow i didn't even make a sound during the Chris Rock sequence TioJ (8:37:19 PM): commercial TioJ (8:37:23 PM): ooh rachel mcadams TioJ (8:37:32 PM): and that creepy looking man-girl from batman TioJ (8:38:54 PM): yeah have "fancy chicken sandwiches" with a ghettoized shitty ad campaign TioJ (8:39:20 PM): just what kind of shitty demographic are they shooting for? TioJ (8:39:32 PM): hey that indian was in Old School TioJ (8:40:16 PM): wow NBC is getting shittier and shittier TioJ (8:40:27 PM): back TioJ (8:40:43 PM): "a hero kills people" TioJ (8:40:51 PM): "must be avenged" TioJ (8:40:57 PM): OK i laughed twice at that shit TioJ (8:43:08 PM): signed, Daffy Duck TioJ (8:44:29 PM): commercial TioJ (8:49:14 PM): wow that fake quote from lincoln wasn't even funny TioJ (8:50:47 PM): wow this is an amazingly retarded show TioJ (8:50:57 PM): "certain connotations" TioJ (8:52:06 PM): git-r-done! TioJ (8:53:22 PM): "too explosive" TioJ (8:54:37 PM): wow this show gets unfunny whenever steve carell comes onscreen TioJ (8:54:50 PM): is this what's carrying NBC? TioJ (8:56:02 PM): i like the jamaican chick TioJ (8:57:02 PM): should've touched her boobies

Interest waning severely! Expectations set dangerously too high!

Rereading my 3am Criticism, I was reminded... that dude who's in the new Rachel McAdams movie (was also in this summer's batman)? Holy Jesus, WTF is wrong w/that guy's face? I swear, he looks like a fucking girl! I don't wanna post a pic, lest i give myself nightmares, but look that guy up.

Quite frankly, he looks like this half-chinese guy i used to know, who, on the first day of band camp, I couldn't quite tell if he was a dude or a chick. If you know your Jaime History, you'll appreciate my restraint at omitting some details. It'll make a good story, but definitely not now, and probably not here. Check out Tio Jaime: Aleph One for more details.

Let's move on...

i can feel my hatred growing and evolving whenever Steve Carell speaks

TioJ (9:01:00 PM): "pam-a-lam-a-ding-dong" TioJ (9:01:04 PM): and we made it to the third episode TioJ (9:01:28 PM): maybe they should just ditch the shitty documentary form TioJ (9:05:23 PM): i can feel my hatred growing and evolving whenever Steve Carell speaks TioJ (9:05:45 PM): oh fuck you donald trump TioJ (9:05:49 PM): you shitty dumb-fuck TioJ (9:08:40 PM): "i gotta go I'm getting a call" (beat) "no, you're not" TioJ (9:08:52 PM): and they tried teh joke again TioJ (9:09:02 PM): took a shit the second time TioJ (9:10:54 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE MAKING THIS TV SHOW SUCK TioJ (9:14:29 PM): show sucking... TioJ (9:14:50 PM): did he swear? TioJ (9:15:28 PM): i laughed at the diseases TioJ (9:21:33 PM): oh my cat out of the bag TioJ (9:21:58 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJ (9:24:16 PM): LOL ANAL FISSURES TioJ (9:24:21 PM): Ok that was a funny bit TioJ (9:24:29 PM): that'll probably secure a next episode TioJ (9:24:36 PM): unless Steve Carell talks too much right now TioJ (9:26:03 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY TioJ (9:26:17 PM): GOD THIS GUY SUCKS HOW THE HELL DID HE GET HIS OWN MOVIE? TioJ (9:27:10 PM): he just took a huge shit at the chance for the fourth episode TioJ (9:27:17 PM): i'm tempted to turn it off before teh end of this one TioJ (9:29:18 PM): wow that was close they almost lost that 3rd episode

It would've been funnier at the end if, instead of trying to talk his way out of not having the Big Surprise, he'd just head-butted the big black dude and ran out of the office. No such luck.

On the other hand, the other people in this show are pretty funny. Why? Because they're believable. The Anal Fissures guy? The Inverted Vagina chick? Funny! Steve Carell? Annoying!

Take the boss from Office Space versus this annoying character from The Office. Which is more believable? Which situation can you identify more with? Sorry folks, but sometimes real life is a lot funnier than whatever random, nonsensical bullcrap which hollyweird pukes might try to tell you is supposed to be funny.

If you agree with that, you're a good common-sensical SHoPper capable of independent thought. If you don't, you're one of those people who laugh at things in movies because you see everybody around you in the theaters laughing and don't want to appear philistine.

Whatever dude. If you are worried about looking boorish in front of strangers, your issues are too great for us here in the SHoP to help you overcome. Go visit shitantics or something (thanks, mark, btw! i love that nickname!)

wow if it weren't for the kleavage i'd change this shit and read my P.J. O'Rourke

TioJ (9:29:53 PM): OK start of episode 4... TioJ (9:30:47 PM): wow so we're at 3 episodes right now, we'll see if this one takes a shit TioJ (9:31:07 PM): hey, that's unfunny TioJ (9:31:18 PM): ooh TioJ (9:31:31 PM): "don't say cocks" TioJ (9:31:43 PM): ooh wow TioJ (9:31:51 PM): "new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0" TioJ (9:31:55 PM): ooh holy shit TioJ (9:32:18 PM): she's cute TioJ (9:35:11 PM): techno-babble? not funny TioJ (9:35:21 PM): oscar the grouch? not funny TioJ (9:39:39 PM): hmm, they're back but it's not going so well TioJ (9:39:47 PM): the receptionist is cute TioJ (9:39:49 PM): ooh kleavage TioJ (9:40:24 PM): ooh hi red TioJ (9:40:50 PM): LOL purses are like mini-briefcases TioJ (9:40:58 PM): tha'ts just cruel TioJ (9:41:17 PM): wow, should you really be hanging up the receptionist's phone like that? TioJ (9:41:54 PM): wow, that could've been a lot funnier TioJ (9:43:54 PM): i wonder just how much more this show can suck TioJ (9:44:10 PM): commercial TioJ (9:44:26 PM): and there are tons of SF Bay Aryan chicks who absolutely love this show? TioJ (9:44:30 PM): this show blows TioJ (9:45:00 PM): i'm gonna tell you right now, they'll make 4 episodes, but only because of the redhead kleavage in #4 TioJ (9:45:58 PM): if you picked D, you win! TioJ (9:48:26 PM): wow TioJ (9:48:36 PM): retard-on-retard interaction isn't working so well TioJ (9:48:58 PM): "very easy to clean" TioJ (9:49:49 PM): wonderful, the receptionist and that jim-dude are the two normal ones TioJ (9:49:57 PM): she's no Beth from Newsradio TioJ (9:50:41 PM): "no" TioJ (9:50:45 PM): LOL TioJ (9:51:01 PM): yeah siddown you bitch TioJ (9:52:34 PM): wow if it weren't for the kleavage i'd change this shit and read my P.J. O'Rourke TioJ (9:54:05 PM): oh sweet! today's Don and Mike is online! downloading it right now TioJ (9:54:13 PM): there was a good Bill Clinton segment today TioJ (9:54:54 PM): ooh legs too TioJ (9:55:40 PM): maybe you should give him a script instead of letting him free-ball like that. TioJ (9:56:00 PM): BECAUSE HE'S SHITTY AT IMPROV TioJ (9:56:25 PM): do you SHoPpers wonder why you liked him so much in Anchorman? TioJ (9:56:38 PM): probably because somebody else was writing and shit TioJ (9:56:42 PM): what a puke fest TioJ (9:56:48 PM): i'm gonna set up TioJ (9:57:00 PM): ooh Victoria's Secret IPEX commercial TioJ (9:57:08 PM): i'm gonna set upa chat room for OVER * THERE TioJ (9:59:50 PM): OK that sucked TioJ (10:00:03 PM): enjoy OVER * THERE TioJ has left the chat room.

OK. We made it! Did anybody pick D? Anybody? Didn't think so.

I had my money on B, figuring that Steve Carell would say something amazingly annoying in the third episode and i'd turn it off in a huff. If anything, "anal fissures" in #3 and then the katie kleavage in #4 saved it.

4 D) 4 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 74.00 14.00 8.60
9 C) 3 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 3.30 2.60
6 B) 2 EPISODES OF THE OFFICE 6.10

$2 Ex 4-9 $139.00
$2 Tri 4-9-6 $1,589.00
$2 Super 4-9-6-8 $11,679.00
$2 DD 5-4) $526.00
$2 Pk3 3-5-4 $2,910.00
$2 Pk4 1-3-5-4 $7,309.00
$2 Pk6 4-3-1-3-5-4 $47,421.00