i hope your kids murder you with shotguns when they come to grips with how assholey you made them

come, Citizen SHoPper

8:09 PM MwHCock: sup biznatch 8:10 PM TioJ: how's work? MwHCock: ok MwHCock: they keep me pretty busy TioJ: fuck work TioJ: i got off early and was playing halo TioJ: the halo control room was the marathon logo 8:50 PM TioJ: whatcha doing right now? TioJ: come watch a real reality TV show MwHCock: n othing MwHCock: watching the biggest loser TioJ: even at its stupidest iteration, it's still better than any other show out there... MwHCock: amazing race? TioJ: yep TioJ: come, Citizen SHoPper MwHCock: nah MwHCock: i like biggest loser MwHCock: it's inspiring TioJ: you're not fat MwHCock: and i need to be inspired to lose weight MwHCock: oh hell yes i am MwHCock: remember me freshman year MwHCock: that was like 70 lbs ago TioJ: i loved you then, and i love you now TioJ: dude, no way you've gained 70 lbs MwHCock: yeah i have MwHCock: but i also lift weights MwHCock: i had no muscle then MwHCock: i was a little overly skinny MwHCock: i couldn't even bench 100lbs then 8:55 PM MwHCock: i can do almost 220 now MwHCock: I need to get down to about 200 TioJ: i'm proud of you TioJ: but i'll be prouder of you if you watch TAR MwHCock: which is 30 more than i was freshman year MwHCock: but i'd be real comfortbale at 200 MwHCock: at 240, i just feel bad all the time MwHCock: not like emotionally bad or anything, but I just get tired a lot easier than i used to, no stamina. and i suck at basketball now TioJ: well shit TioJ: CBS my friend, you won't regret it 9:00 PM MwHCock: my name is earl is on MwHCock: Dan told me to watch it TioJ: oh i see how it is TioJ: when precious Dan tells you to watch something sure no prob TioJ: but not when your Tio Jaime TioJ: tells you to watch TAR MwHCock: I have seen previous seasons of TAR TioJ: i thought you were different MwHCock: I watched the one with the gay dudes TioJ: well fuck man, why didn't you say that to begin with? MwHCock: my bad 9:05 PM TioJ: NP MwHCock: I've seen the show, and while it is decent, it's not for me.

Why don't you take a guess which team has earned my disdain? Fuck I hate those stupid kids.

and as i'm prepping this 3amC, the pilot of Close to Home looks kinda cool... i'll let you know how it turns out

Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race, Shitty Family Edition

You are now in chat room “BurnInHellGaghans.” TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (8:58:09 PM): hello dere TioJ (8:59:46 PM): I wasn't able to get MwHCock to join us TioJ (9:00:06 PM): janky goth chick on NCIS TioJ (9:00:08 PM): nice tattoo TioJ (9:00:12 PM): TioJ (9:00:17 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON TAR TioJ (9:00:24 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHAN FAMILY TioJ (9:00:28 PM): FUCK YOU PAOLO FAMILY TioJ (9:01:01 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHAN FAMILY TioJ (9:01:21 PM): not two minutes and already i've wished death upon the Gaghan kids twice TioJ (9:01:52 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:02:03 PM): the daughters bransen TioJ (9:02:11 PM): g-sisters TioJ (9:02:19 PM): ooh the little rogers TioJ (9:02:26 PM): TAR FAMILY EDITION TioJ (9:02:46 PM): yeah i remember that ending in TAR2 TioJ (9:05:09 PM): This is Lancaster, PA TioJ (9:05:16 PM): amish and mennonite communities TioJ (9:05:25 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:05:45 PM): G-sisters first to depart @ 7:57am TioJ (9:05:58 PM): York, PA on shoehouse road TioJ (9:06:18 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:06:25 PM): second to depart 8:07am TioJ (9:06:39 PM): Weavers 3rd to depart 8:08am TioJ (9:07:01 PM): rogers fourth to depart TioJ (9:07:05 PM): missed the time TioJ (9:07:11 PM): daughter is hot TioJ (9:07:20 PM): Schroeders fifth to depart TioJ (9:07:24 PM): 8:18am? TioJ (9:07:50 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHAN FUCKERS TioJ (9:07:57 PM): i fucking hate your kids TioJ (9:08:33 PM): i hope your kids murder you with shotguns when they come to grips with how assholey you made them TioJ (9:08:41 PM): Paolos sixth to depart TioJ (9:08:51 PM): FUCK YOU PAOLOS TioJ (9:09:02 PM): Bransen Daughters seventh to depart TioJ (9:09:09 PM): hi hi, hi hi, and hi hi TioJ (9:09:14 PM): boingy boingy TioJ (9:09:45 PM): Linzs last to depart TioJ (9:10:17 PM): fuck you gaghans TioJ (9:10:24 PM): drive to DC TioJ (9:10:28 PM): to the reflecting pool TioJ (9:10:52 PM): stah-see? TioJ (9:11:00 PM): is that how you pronounce stassi TioJ (9:11:01 PM): ? TioJ (9:11:07 PM): g-sisters in third TioJ (9:11:30 PM): weavers in fourth TioJ (9:11:51 PM): more of the hot little rogers TioJ (9:12:40 PM): boingy boingy TioJ (9:12:45 PM): nice tits TioJ (9:13:49 PM): wow, the gaghans got by w/o a FYG TioJ (9:14:05 PM): please don't say "mommy" in TAR TioJ (9:15:10 PM): nice job cajuns you're lost TioJ (9:15:19 PM): ooh hi miss louisiana TioJ (9:16:40 PM): dude, is that pimentel again? TioJ (9:19:06 PM): ha ha stupid gaghans TioJ (9:19:19 PM): wrong pool? TioJ (9:19:45 PM): 300 meters west? WTF? TioJ (9:20:06 PM): find limousine & briefcase TioJ (9:20:12 PM): take briefcase to a tidal basin TioJ (9:20:23 PM): weavers in first TioJ (9:20:35 PM): g-sisters in second TioJ (9:20:42 PM): ha ha FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:21:18 PM): paolos in third TioJ (9:21:28 PM): please please run out of gas TioJ (9:22:03 PM): yeah DC is like home huh dumbfuck TioJ (9:22:09 PM): ha ha FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:22:31 PM): schroeders in fourth TioJ (9:22:33 PM): linz in fifth TioJ (9:22:51 PM): THAT'S THE STUPIDEST FUCKING TASK EVER TioJ (9:23:24 PM): a Roadblock is a task only one person may perform TioJ (9:23:32 PM): find the spy TioJ (9:23:50 PM): holy god OK this is even stupider TioJ (9:24:55 PM): 49 miles to middleburg, VA TioJ (9:25:00 PM): welbourne manor TioJ (9:26:49 PM): panties are too tight TioJ (9:26:57 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHAN FUCKS TioJ (9:27:09 PM): boingy boingy TioJ (9:27:22 PM): i'd like to be molested by your three daughters TioJ (9:29:38 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:29:50 PM): please please please don't eliminate the hot louisianan TioJ (9:30:13 PM): oh that's not pimentel TioJ (9:34:23 PM): fuck you gaghan kids TioJ (9:35:05 PM): oh shit Rogers family in last TioJ (9:35:40 PM): aww shit, the paolos filled up their tank TioJ (9:36:07 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:36:12 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP TioJ (9:36:17 PM): (that one was out loud, too) TioJ (9:36:38 PM): bransens in eighth TioJ (9:36:48 PM): dumbfucks, don't make your dad do it? TioJ (9:38:45 PM): ooooh weeee howdy miss louisiana TioJ (9:39:21 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons TioJ (9:39:51 PM): TAR Virginia TioJ (9:40:02 PM): is that like TAR Lancaster? TioJ (9:40:07 PM): the stateof lancaster TioJ (9:40:38 PM): either haul wounded soldiers orfill oil lamps TioJ (9:43:38 PM): weavers in first! TioJ (9:43:46 PM): Weaver Family, Team #1 TioJ (9:43:58 PM): won a trip to bermuda TioJ (9:44:20 PM): Linz Family team #2 TioJ (9:44:22 PM): nice comeback TioJ (9:44:29 PM): G-sisters team #3 TioJ (9:46:49 PM): and i want to be molested by kirsten dunst TioJ (9:50:29 PM): oh yeah right TioJ (9:50:42 PM): your kids are gona be able to life civil war re-enactors TioJ (9:51:09 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:51:38 PM): schroeder family team #4 TioJ (9:52:05 PM): ha ha this is why you don't let your kids make decisions TioJ (9:52:25 PM): aiello family team #5 TioJ (9:52:31 PM): bransen family #6 TioJ (9:53:04 PM): WTF? how'd they do it so fast? (fuck you) gaghan family team #7 TioJ (9:53:32 PM): rogers family in last TioJ (9:53:40 PM): oh please let the paolo family implode TioJ (9:54:15 PM): rogers family switching to oil TioJ (9:54:19 PM): oh they're toast TioJ (9:54:55 PM): yeah whatever, they rogers are fucked TioJ (9:55:16 PM): oh please please please beat the mom TioJ (9:55:22 PM): yeah right TioJ (9:55:27 PM): shitty editing TioJ (9:55:32 PM): paolo family team #8 TioJ (9:55:46 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU SHITTY NEW JERSANS TioJ (9:55:52 PM): rogers familyi TioJ (9:55:56 PM): last team to arrive TioJ (9:56:02 PM): sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from the race TioJ (9:56:47 PM): goddamit TioJ (9:56:51 PM): you eliminated the hot chick TioJ (9:56:54 PM): FUCK YOU GAGHANS TioJ (9:57:01 PM): stay chuned for scenes from our next episode TioJ (9:57:16 PM): oh fuck you gnome TioJ (9:57:43 PM): oh fuck you shaqille o'neal TioJ (9:59:15 PM): ooh melina kanakaredes boobs TioJ (9:59:20 PM): she's hawt TioJ (9:59:24 PM): on the next eposide of TAR TioJ (9:59:54 PM): centrifuge and bostards stuck in the mud TioJ (9:59:59 PM): what a shitty show TioJ (10:00:14 PM): I envy MwHCock, since he didn't have to watch this shit TioJ has left the chat room.

I'll let you know how Close to Home turns out...

And holy shit, this post title toes even the Tio Jaime Nation line...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith