wow, i'm getting a stiffy because of the little boricua's dealie-stretch

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... HFS I almost missed it! THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 11:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. Was too drunk last night to format this and publish it. Here it is. Ain't sobriety grand? Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 9! You are now in chat room "TAR9." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:59:27 PM): hello dere!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:59:39 PM): i love this part of the year JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:59:53 PM): go read the other TAR premieres, you'll see that i'm pretty excitable JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:00:14 PM): HERE WE GO!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:00:25 PM): goddamit, i love this show! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:00:32 PM): This is Denver, CO JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:00:40 PM): Nestled at the base of teh majestic Rocky Mountains JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:00:48 PM): FUCK YEAH JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:02 PM): starting line at the Red Rock amphitheater JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:12 PM): Lake & Michelle from Hattiesburg, MS JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:39 PM): ooh hi cleavage JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:50 PM): Danielle & Dani, Staten island, NY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:54 PM): ooh hi JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:01:57 PM): "we love boys" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:07 PM): oh goddam hello JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:15 PM): BJ & Tyler JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:22 PM): best friends from San Francisco JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:26 PM): STFU JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:46 PM): great, dirty hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:02:50 PM): fuck that JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:00 PM): Ray & Yolanda from Chicago JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:04 PM): ooh nice legs JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:13 PM): token black team! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:33 PM): John & Scott from New England JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:40 PM): TOKEN GAYS!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:50 PM): token gay in Burberry! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:57 PM): they're no danny & oswald JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:12 PM): Joseph & Monica from Fayetteville holy shit she's hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:28 PM): holy fuck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:43 PM): Eric & Jeremy from florida JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:46 PM): great nipple rings JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:54 PM): queers JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:05 PM): Lisa & Jodie from Houston, TX JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:13 PM): "glamazons" oh christ JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:30 PM): Fran & Barry from Littleton, CO JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:40 PM): ooh hi you were hot back in the day JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:06:05 PM): token old people, but not really? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:06:11 PM): Wanda & Desiree from Atlanta, GA JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:06:28 PM): daughter is hot, so is the mom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:06:42 PM): holy shit, they're hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:06:54 PM): Dave & Laurie (?) from manhattan, KS JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:07:28 PM): gonna be a good race... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:07:38 PM): Can these teams withstand the stress... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:07:46 PM): get ready to begin TAR! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:03 PM): In just a few minutes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:08 PM): you'll be leaving on a race around the world JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:25 PM): The race is divided into many legs JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:30 PM): small amount of cash JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:53 PM): You'll be Philiminated! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:08:57 PM): Everybody understands that? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:02 PM): first clue! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:09 PM): goddamit, i'm so fucking excited! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:12 PM): (that was me, not phil) JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:24 PM): The first team to cross the finish line will win $1 million! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:42 PM): The world is waiting for you, good luck... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:46 PM): travel safe... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:50 PM): GO! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:09:55 PM): OH FUCK YEAH BITCHES! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:03 PM): WHAT A GREAT GODDAM SHOW JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:06 PM): c'mon BABY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:11 PM): oh and it fucking starts already JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:20 PM): Sao Paolo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:47 PM): c'mon BABY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:10:50 PM): fuck you JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:23 PM): A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:28 PM): A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:31 PM): A MAZE ING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:37 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:41 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:46 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:50 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:11:57 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:12:09 PM): BJ & Tyler currently in first place JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:12:17 PM): fuck the hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:12:53 PM): go BRO JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:14:24 PM): token blacks lost already? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:14:27 PM): going the wrong way? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:15:11 PM): Team Boricua! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:15:17 PM): si! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:15:31 PM): oh goddam Desiree is HAWT JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:15:58 PM): go unsheath your womanhood somewhere else JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:16:52 PM): fuck you hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:17:13 PM): ooh yeah team boricua JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:17:37 PM): i want the old team to break to the finals JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:17:51 PM): "you didn't mess us up at all" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:19:13 PM): yay for gay JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:19:56 PM): "you may not reserve the tickets" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:19:58 PM): ha ha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:20:06 PM): "dad-gummit" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:20:09 PM): commercial JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:20:38 PM): gonna use an html break here JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:21:52 PM): OK we should be outside of the table right now... If only to be able to point out that I will be re-attempting the 60 beer-shots in 60 mins. wasn't able to do it on my b-day because I had a big dinner and a few drinks beforehand. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:22:15 PM): ooh hi catherine zeta-jones JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:23:18 PM): OK so i'll put some front-end tags here with the <th> of "Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 9, continued..." JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:24:22 PM): FUCK YOU MESSAGE IS TOO LONG OR TOO COMPLEX JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:24:37 PM): OK lemme try that again JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:00 PM): Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 9, continued... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:09 PM): yeah that's right JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:12 PM): get bent JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:17 PM): OK they're in the airport JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:34 PM): and i'm gonna have shot #1 soon JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:26:01 PM): #1 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:26:17 PM): ooh gordon biersch Blonde Bock JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:27:01 PM): #2 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:01 PM): #3 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:16 PM): i want to be raped by team Boricua JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:45 PM): boingy boingy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:47 PM): BABY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:51 PM): i mean BABE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:29:01 PM): #4 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:29:29 PM): American: danielle and dani, bj and tyler fran and barry JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:29:33 PM): and that's all i caught JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:04 PM): rooftop of the hotel unique #5 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:55 PM): OMG that little boricua is muy caliente JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:31:07 PM): #6 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:31:37 PM): FUCK YOU HIPPIES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:32:01 PM): #7 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:03 PM): ooh hi Team Boricua JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:07 PM): #8 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:59 PM): #9 and there's the first Blonde Bock JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:34:42 PM): did i miss one? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:34:44 PM): oh no not ye4t JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:34:59 PM): #10 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:20 PM): oh, they all gotta go to some historic bridge JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:24 PM): more team boricua! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:36:02 PM): #11 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:36:24 PM): i like the nerds JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:36:48 PM): OMG she's fucking HAWT JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:02 PM): #12 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:34 PM): aww, no Team anNoYing? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:08 PM): #13 "did a black team come through here?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:48 PM): Detour! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:59 PM): A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros or cons JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:39:05 PM): Motorhead or Rotorhead JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:39:11 PM): #14 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:39:53 PM): put together a motorcycle or navigate helicopters JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:40:01 PM): #15 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:03 PM): #16 i like dave & lori... what a cool couple JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:13 PM): wow they both walked right past it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:24 PM): commercial... vendetta? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:28 PM): oh, V for Vendetta JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:42:07 PM): #17 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:43:06 PM): #18 and that's Blonde Bock #2...i think i liked that VW commercial JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:08 PM): #19 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:35 PM): one beer every 9 minutes doesn't seem so bad JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:45:12 PM): #20 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:46:06 PM): stupid old people #21 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:46:30 PM): wow, i'm getting a stiffy because of the little boricua's dealie-stretch JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:46:39 PM): FUCK YOU HIPPIES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:47:05 PM): #22 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:48:15 PM): #23 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:48:32 PM): how old is the little boricua? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:49:13 PM): #24 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:49:33 PM): OK she graduated from NYU already... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:49:53 PM): http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race9/bios/wanda_desiree/ JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:50:11 PM): #25 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:50:23 PM): FUCK YOU HIPPIES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:51:07 PM): #26 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:51:37 PM): yeah good luck w/the motorcycle you pink skanks JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:52:07 PM): #27 and that's blonde bock #3 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:52:19 PM): ooh that doesn't feel good JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:53:06 PM): #28 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:54:16 PM): #29 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:54:57 PM): shit already? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:54:59 PM): fuck dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:55:04 PM): #30 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:06 PM): #31 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:31 PM): oh goddam hi there princess jasmine! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:44 PM): kinda makes me wanna jihad some innocent christians JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:46 PM): ooh yeah momma JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:55 PM): yeah a black intern. right JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:57:23 PM): #32 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:04 PM): #33 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:11 PM): OH SWEET JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:24 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER DOING SECRET MISSIONS... ALL TRUE LIES STYLE AND SHIT JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:26 PM): MOTHERFUCKERS JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:38 PM): The Unit! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:43 PM): CBS next tuesday JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:48 PM): oh fuck you bitches, we'll be there JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:55 PM): i don't think i'll make it past 4 beers JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:59:14 PM): #34 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:59:22 PM): feel like i'm gonna pop JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:06 PM): #35 oh fuck me JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:05 PM): #36 and that's it oh this feels bad JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:14 PM): OK i'm out JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:16 PM): i can't do this JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:19 PM): i wanna puke JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:06 PM): this is double-plus ungood JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:32 PM): travel by taxi to santa cecilia JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:37 PM): OH FUCK ME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:57 PM): oh goddamit, i forgot to start the VCR for my mom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:03:14 PM): i'm gonna fucking lay down... brb JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:19 PM): i'm calling pich JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:21 PM): OK i'm back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:28 PM): i'm not even sure WTF happened in my absence JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:36 PM): whatever the fuck ever JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:39 PM): too many goddam teams JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:58 PM): and please please please please plpease please plasea don't eliminate Team Boricua JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:13:00 PM): LOL and they're catcalling the black chick JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:16:09 PM): GODDAMIT THOSE ARE HOT PUERTO RICAN MOMMAS JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:16:14 PM): OOH BOINGY BOINGY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:17:56 PM): you fucking retards, don't fucking stand there and watch him JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:18:11 PM): the black chick is kinda cute JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:38 PM): dude... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:52 PM): Winn agrees to $23.25 million, three-year extension with Giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:55 PM): good shit, dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:22:38 PM): dud,e randy winn's fucking rad, dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:22:43 PM): nice move, Sabes! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:30:29 PM): fuck you subaru JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:31:17 PM): yeah fuck you and your five blades JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:32:47 PM): yeah so it's like true lies, but with president David Palmer? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:13 PM): OK i've kinda been ignoring the goddam race JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:31 PM): but whatever, it'll get good in about 5 or 6 episodes when they eliminate a lot of the dubmfucks JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:12 PM): token gays philiminated on the first leg? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:14 PM): WTF? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:59 PM): John and Scott, you're last team to arrive JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:10 PM): I'm sorry to tell you you've been philiminated from the race JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:00 PM): stay chuned for scenes from our next episode JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.