Subscribe

Comment Feed (RSS)

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I wanna punch that self-righteous fuck in the nads.

Mon-dee night chat with your SHoP Overlords!
7:20 PM
TioJ: yo
TioJ: sorry about that
TioJ: shitty reception
SixH: no prob.
SixH: mouth full now
SixH: eating
TioJ: hand full right now
TioJ: jax0ring
7:25 PM
TioJ: wow
TioJ: and you know what's gonna take a bigger shit than Ocean's Twelve?
TioJ: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060328/ap_en_mo/people_clooney
SixH: I wanna punch that self-righteous fuck in the nads.
TioJ: i wouldn't have such a problem with him if Ocean's Twelve hadn't been such a shitty movie
SixH: I wouldn't have such a problem with him if he kept his shitty views to himself.
8:35 PM
TioJ: I was "Sports Page & taking a dump"
TioJ: http://johnlondon1069freefm.blogspot.com/2006/03/monday-march-27.html

Seriously. Making Ocean's Thirteen is about as good an idea as making a Gigli 2. Or Thanksgiving with the Cranks.

Don't get me wrong. Ocean's Eleven (the modern one) was a good movie and one of my favorites. But Ocean's Twelve? It's a suckfest that'll make you want to set your browser's homepage to shitantics. It's such a shitanticky movie, I don't even feel bad spoiling the ending. I'm doing you a service by giving this shit away for free.

OK, I actually do feel bad. Highlight the spoiler box below.

Well, no I don't feel bad. I suppose I want you to see the movie just once. You'll want to take a hammer to your DVD player after the shitty Julia Roberts gag described below, but watch the movie up to that point to see if you can see it coming.

<spoiler sucksbutt="Ocean's Twelve">
Near the end, one of the gags that falls flat on its face and which non-shitanticky Citizen SHoPpers can see coming from a mile off-- it's a gag you can tell they were banking on being ranked with the funniest of movie moments in all of filmmaking history-- Julia Roberts' character in the movie, Tess Ocean, is incorporated in a heist by passing her off as... Julia Roberts. What a pukefest. Not even a full-frontal nude scene with Catherine Zeta-Jones herself would've saved this ensemble piece of shit.
</spoiler>

Like I was saying. Ocean's Twelve sucked major dead bear.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith