Live from Pacific Bell SBC AT&T Park!

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's pasties

Was playing some MVP Baseball 2005 tonight. In xb0x0r baseball action... Brett Tomko pitched the Giants to a 5-0 win over the Astros in Houston. Astros were held to 3 hits, and the Giants went ahead with a 5-run seventh inning. Mike Matheny hit a two-run homer to left-center to start the rally. The Secretary called during the xb0x0r game to tell me that she wouldn't be able to go to the actual Giants game tomorrow. (G-men/Angels exhibition tomorrow night at AT&T park). Shortly thereafter, an ex-GF returned my call from earlier today. I had won some tickets to a comedy show, but all of my friends were busy or sick. Eventually a cancellation made me limit the search to friends already located in the City. But she called back after 1) the show had started and 2) I had already decided to stay in and play baseball. We talked for a bit. She mentioned, somewhat irately, that her little brother googled her full name and found my blog entry here. That's a xanga province post, which has since been archived at Tio Jaime: Aleph One. The mirror, which looks a lot nicer, is here. I've changed her name, as she and her fancy-schmancy law degree say that my posting her actual name is slanderous and libelous. Whatevers! I'm not the one who named her boobs that! It was the name generator! I just reposted it for everybody's entertainment. And as such, I hope that her little brother was heartily entertained by reading about his sister's boobs. Anycrap, as she is in my favor, I have complied with her request to take off her full name, lest somebody more important search for her and read about Bambi and Thumper. She then asked that I not repost her real name when I blog about how she made me change the post. I guess I'll go ahead and do that too... And the post title? At some point she offered that sage bit of advice to me. But WTF man, haven't I complied with enough of her requests already today? Oh that's right, Citizen SHoPpers, it's Covettin' Time! Bonus for you. This one never made it to the ex-GF stage, but if you're a faithful Citizen SHoPper, you've probably been wondering what she looked like. (Keep clicking on her name post-by-post if you want to find the beginning.) Didn't have a bgcolor of WHORECITY Special thanks to SHoP Overlord SixHertz for fucking up my formatting yet again... Fret not, Citizen SHoPpers! I ran this by the MiniTrue, and he gave me carte blanche to post this picture up at will. And post it I shall... If she was crafty, she could've found the SHoP already. Tricia & Julie/Bambi & Thumper did... Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

dude, brooke burke has an ugly face

Well, she does. Check it out below. I did a blingo image search for "brooke burke" and took the first picture which had a close-up on her face. She looks like freaking skeletor. Live 3am Criticism of Heist You are now in chat room "WHORECITY." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:51 PM): hello dere! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:56:56 PM): OK so tonight... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:57:03 PM): Heist is getting the nod JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:57:14 PM): and The Evidence is getting the tape JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:57:21 PM): gonna pour myself some coke JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:57:24 PM): i'm thirsty JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:14 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON HEIST JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:18 PM): sorry JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:20 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:20 PM): still don't fucking understand the incan talisman JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:25 PM): ooh bulgari JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:47 PM): the black dude's real name is Reno JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:04 PM): heh wacky verizon commercial JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:35 PM): wow JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:41 PM): Basic Instinct 2 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:46 PM): i really should see the first one JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:57 PM): did he just say that he "shit for three days?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:30 PM): Amy Aquino? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:35 PM): she sounds familiar JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:41 PM): ha ha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:47 PM): they blackmailed some civil engineer JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:11:38 PM): ha ha Detective Mara is hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:16 PM): LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:25 PM): "i've got a female boss, a black partner..." JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:15:08 PM): the Armenians! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:18:25 PM): wow Maura Tierney got old JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:23:14 PM): LOL fat detective got stuck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:23:48 PM): Seattle! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:42 PM): i hate that dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:52 PM): i like the black cop JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:25:05 PM): but for some reason i don't think that the fat cop is very funny JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:25:12 PM): despite the racism! I know! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:26:13 PM): ooh hi Detective Mara! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:27:59 PM): heh, he called him "Jimbo" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:28:13 PM): OK this guy is just as annoying as the first annoying guy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:40:16 PM): OK i accidentally typed in sixh's window, but he didn't notice JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:40:28 PM): "detective mara's feet are kinda fucked up" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:00 PM): dude, brooke burke has an ugly face JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:05 PM): looks like a goddam skeleton JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:51:06 PM): OK that dude sucks JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:35 PM): the tough chick's accent is anNoYing JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:51 PM): DETECTIVE WHORE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:49 PM): what an annoying prick JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:07 PM): NBC shows suck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:58:06 PM): that annoying fucker was some stupid adam sandler knockoff JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:58:53 PM): ahh, see? this whole Pride thing? "It has to be done, it has to be now?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:58:56 PM): you're fucked JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:54 PM): this show kinda sucks JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room. Well I guess I haven't learned my lesson. I'm still giving NBC chances after I've sworn them off... Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Radio Station Ratings

I thought this was interesting when I heard it this morning on the radio... #1 radio stations by region, from RadioRecords.com: Location--------Station--------Group Owner--------Format New York--------WLTW-FM------Clear Channel----------Adult Contemporary Los Angeles------KLVE-FM------Univision---------------Spanish Contemporary Chicago----------WGN-AM-------Tribune----------------News/Talk San Francisco----KGO-AM-------ABC Radio-------------News/Talk Philadelphia------WBEB-FM-----WEAZ-FM Radio-------Adult Contemporary You see it correctly. Los Angeles has not only a spanish radio station its #1 station, but 3 of the top 6 are spanish radio stations. Quo Vadis, Señor Presidente?

I wanna punch that self-righteous fuck in the nads.

Mon-dee night chat with your SHoP Overlords! 7:20 PM TioJ: yo TioJ: sorry about that TioJ: shitty reception SixH: no prob. SixH: mouth full now SixH: eating TioJ: hand full right now TioJ: jax0ring 7:25 PM TioJ: wow TioJ: and you know what's gonna take a bigger shit than Ocean's Twelve? TioJ: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060328/ap_en_mo/people_clooney SixH: I wanna punch that self-righteous fuck in the nads. TioJ: i wouldn't have such a problem with him if Ocean's Twelve hadn't been such a shitty movie SixH: I wouldn't have such a problem with him if he kept his shitty views to himself. 8:35 PM TioJ: I was "Sports Page & taking a dump" TioJ: http://johnlondon1069freefm.blogspot.com/2006/03/monday-march-27.html Seriously. Making Ocean's Thirteen is about as good an idea as making a Gigli 2. Or Thanksgiving with the Cranks. Don't get me wrong. Ocean's Eleven (the modern one) was a good movie and one of my favorites. But Ocean's Twelve? It's a suckfest that'll make you want to set your browser's homepage to shitantics. It's such a shitanticky movie, I don't even feel bad spoiling the ending. I'm doing you a service by giving this shit away for free. OK, I actually do feel bad. Highlight the spoiler box below. Well, no I don't feel bad. I suppose I want you to see the movie just once. You'll want to take a hammer to your DVD player after the shitty Julia Roberts gag described below, but watch the movie up to that point to see if you can see it coming. <spoiler sucksbutt="Ocean's Twelve"> Near the end, one of the gags that falls flat on its face and which non-shitanticky Citizen SHoPpers can see coming from a mile off-- it's a gag you can tell they were banking on being ranked with the funniest of movie moments in all of filmmaking history-- Julia Roberts' character in the movie, Tess Ocean, is incorporated in a heist by passing her off as... Julia Roberts. What a pukefest. Not even a full-frontal nude scene with Catherine Zeta-Jones herself would've saved this ensemble piece of shit. </spoiler> Like I was saying. Ocean's Twelve sucked major dead bear. Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Quick observation...

Last time I checked, it was a crime for pedestrians to be on the freeway AS WELL AS to be truant... Et tu, non sequitur?

Is the press really this stupid?

I know when I went to high school, I was one of the rare few who actually followed current events and who actually had a firm grasp of national politics. So you will forgive me if I call BS to the national press' reports of students walking out of classes to protest because they know the issues. Who out there that has a brain will choose the right answer from the following two choices: A. Boy, those students are staging walk-outs because they're well-informed and they're concerned about the plight of the ILLEGAL immigrant. B. They're ditching school because they can, they're on TV, and they don't really give two shits about what happens. This issue, to me, is rather simple to fix, yet hard to implement because: A. Politicians suck (almost universally) B. The People are stupid (almost universally) C. States' Rights/Power have been castrated since they allowed the people to vote for Senators. Actually, now that I think about it, every problem in this country can be attributed to the above 3 reasons. One of the things that pisses me off when I hear these protestors interviewed...this is a common quote: "This country was founded on immigrants" Notice how these protestors are conveniently leaving out the important modifier, 'ILLEGAL'. Ellis Island comes to mind, as an example locale where EVERY SINGLE IMMIGRANT that came by boat to the east coast to become a LEGAL immigrant. I think most people in this country wouldn't have a problem with LEGAL immigrants. Ironically, the throngs of people shown protesting on the news actualizes most to the enormous size of the problem we do have with ILLEGAL immigrants in this country. It's really dismaying to see no one fixing this problem, and I'm sure I'll have more to say on the subject in the next few days.

ooh yeah, kop kleavage

This show kinda sucked. But what else to expect from an NBC serial drama? I just like how it has Shane's GF Mara from The Shield. 3am Criticism of the Series Premiere of Heist You are now in chat room "WHORELANDO." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (6:06:16 PM): hello dere TioJ (6:06:23 PM): just watched some basketball TioJ (6:06:26 PM): some Sons & Daughters TioJ (6:07:09 PM): and now I'm finally getting to the series premiere of The Heist, which made its debut on NBC last wednesday(?) TioJ (6:07:12 PM): thursday?) TioJ (6:07:17 PM): i don't care TioJ (6:07:23 PM): here we go... TioJ (6:07:25 PM): TioJ (6:07:56 PM): they're not just robbing a store, but an entire city TioJ (6:08:00 PM): this better be good TioJ (6:09:54 PM): cops came by and gave the all-clear TioJ (6:10:17 PM): and now they're paintballing a train car TioJ (6:11:00 PM): they're doing the car alarm thing TioJ (6:11:29 PM): "Mother Theresa did not believe in God." TioJ (6:12:04 PM): and mexicans stealing xb0x0rs off of a train? TioJ (6:13:06 PM): ha ha hot skank tricked you TioJ (6:13:37 PM): HEIST TioJ (6:14:00 PM): ooh who's that cute chick? TioJ (6:14:07 PM): she looks familiar TioJ (6:14:32 PM): it's an Incan Talisman TioJ (6:15:31 PM): oh it's Lola! TioJ (6:15:50 PM): ha ha TioJ (6:16:14 PM): James, never Jimmy, never Jim, and never ever Jimbo TioJ (6:16:51 PM): Welcome to Rodeo Drive! TioJ (6:17:10 PM): i like the angry chick. TioJ (6:17:17 PM): i guess Michelle Rodriguez was busy TioJ (6:18:08 PM): ha ha racism is funny TioJ (6:22:19 PM): heh about to get the scoop on the professional robbers TioJ (6:23:19 PM): "maybe i shouldn't've called it in..." TioJ (6:25:52 PM): oh yeah duh TioJ (6:26:01 PM): this chick was on The Shield TioJ (6:26:14 PM): http://www.nbc.com/Heist/actor/michele.shtml TioJ (6:31:38 PM): ooh yeah, kop kleavage TioJ (6:32:32 PM): OK this got real stupid real fast TioJ (6:33:04 PM): ooh cop boots TioJ (6:33:16 PM): that was fucking stupid TioJ (6:33:22 PM): why did she steal the razors? TioJ (6:34:28 PM): he's been dead for seven years! TioJ (6:35:17 PM): wonderful, his wife's new husband shot him seven years ago TioJ (6:40:13 PM): i think that guy is retarded TioJ (6:40:16 PM): horses TioJ (6:40:19 PM): ex-GFs TioJ (6:40:21 PM): walnuts TioJ (6:42:00 PM): how did they know about the delivery dudes? TioJ (6:42:59 PM): Mara is hot when she's not annoying and trying to undermine a Strike Team TioJ (6:44:43 PM): so is this gonna be like In the Line of Fire? TioJ (6:46:19 PM): OK delivery guy is cornered again. in a bank. TioJ (6:46:48 PM): ha ha fuck you terrorist TioJ (6:47:48 PM): hmm TioJ (6:49:01 PM): OK so they kidnapped the delivery guy TioJ (6:49:57 PM): OK that racist guy isn't even funny anymore TioJ (6:50:47 PM): yeah like nobody saw that TioJ (6:51:31 PM): oh and now she's thinking it through TioJ (6:52:14 PM): ha ha FUCK YOU TERRORISTS TioJ (6:53:09 PM): yeah they're lucky the cops were called off... TioJ (6:53:54 PM): OK so normally, all of the cop cars would've seen them switch taxis... TioJ (6:56:03 PM): ooh chick in underwear TioJ (6:56:05 PM): huh? TioJ (6:56:19 PM): the incan talisman was there TioJ (6:56:29 PM): at kop kleavage's apartment? TioJ has left the chat room. OK. So far, it's a bit better than The Unit, although that's not saying much... I'm better off watching DVDs of 24 and The Shield. Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Don't waste your time seeing The Inside Man

Haven't seen a movie in a theater for several months until today, and now I'm reminded why. Why on earth critics gave this film acclaim is just more proof that drug tunnels into California are still numerous, piping fresh Columbian blow into the ass crack of Hollywood, and especially into the waiting anus of Spike Lee who will apparently earn hundreds of millions of dollars on a film by stringing together a predictable plot with no depth for over 2 hours. Sure, golden boy Denzel can act his way out of any paper bag, but that doesn't carry the movie. What a joke. And goddammit, Spike Lee, stop calling your films "joints". I get that you want to be "unique", but you're really just a "'tard". Indeed, I think a colonic enema would have been preferable to this crappy movie. At least I'd be finished with less shit in my body than when I started.

real SF cops aren't that hot, or maybe your gun should be drawn before you kick the door in? just a suggestion

This show didn't suck. It's a start. Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith Live, 3am Criticism of the Series Premiere of ABC's The Evidence You are now in chat room "WHORECITY." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (10:05:27 PM): you motherfucking piece of shit TioJ (10:05:35 PM): fucking AIM TioJ (10:05:40 PM): and already i've missed the hook TioJ (10:06:07 PM): they introduce the evidence and then killed Jennifer Green TioJ (10:06:28 PM): MAKE 7 TioJ (10:06:30 PM): UP YOURS! TioJ (10:07:27 PM): oh sorry, Laura Green TioJ (10:07:45 PM): WELL I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS FUCKING PROBLEM HAD AIM DONE ITS FUCKING JOB TioJ (10:08:17 PM): yeah, come into the Mission! TioJ (10:10:51 PM): ooh Hanes boyshorts! TioJ (10:12:53 PM): ladies night next door at Suede? TioJ (10:13:03 PM): oh wonderful, a foreigner with an accent! TioJ (10:14:13 PM): trip to Sonoma! TioJ (10:15:39 PM): hey that's right in front of the Fairmont TioJ (10:16:31 PM): hmm, finger w/the compass ring? TioJ (10:16:43 PM): OK, nice move. I'm genuinely intrigued =) TioJ (10:19:30 PM): ugly wife TioJ (10:21:57 PM): that was a shitty throwaway line TioJ (10:22:07 PM): "forgot your hat" TioJ (10:22:28 PM): bay bridge! TioJ (10:26:43 PM): sick TioJ (10:26:53 PM): some psycho with her locket in his mouth TioJ (10:32:21 PM): Police Department! Battery St. Division! TioJ (10:34:15 PM): yeah right. TioJ (10:34:23 PM): real SF cops aren't that hot TioJ (10:34:36 PM): what a crock of shit TioJ (10:34:59 PM): oh and she's in law school! TioJ (10:36:36 PM): whoa, it could be a DEA number? TioJ (10:43:33 PM): too slow. falling asleep. TioJ (10:45:44 PM): so are you guys gonna... oh, i dunno... solve the crime? TioJ (10:52:42 PM): maybe your gun should be drawn before you kick the door in? just a suggestion TioJ (10:54:36 PM): yeah bitches TioJ (10:54:40 PM): 2510625 TioJ (10:55:19 PM): oh yes this concludes the evidence TioJ (10:57:48 PM): oh he's going into the garage! TioJ (10:58:13 PM): oh it's his shed TioJ (10:59:10 PM): it's his John Nash shed TioJ (11:00:19 PM): that was an OK show... TioJ has left the chat room.

The 3am Critic watches Flashdance

OK instead of watching the TV I have on tape backlogged, I decided to watch the 80s classic Flashdance starring a nubile and sweaty Jennifer Beals. and SixHertz called this movie gay... what a fag! You are now in chat room "WHORECITY." TioJaime has entered the chat room. TioJaime (7:40:05 PM): hello dere! TioJaime (7:40:22 PM): OK started to do this last night, but here's the whole thing TioJaime (7:40:39 PM): a 3am Criticism of 1983's Flashdance! TioJaime (7:40:49 PM): here we go! TioJaime (7:41:18 PM): maybe if you Citizen SHoPpers are good, I'll even put up a picture of Pittsburg(h) Amy TioJaime (7:41:36 PM): and do a side-by-side comparison between her and Jennifer Beals TioJaime (7:47:11 PM): OK lolo is on the phone TioJaime (7:47:29 PM): oops, she spilled the water! TioJaime (7:48:24 PM): Dallas at 6? So Jennifer Beals is worth a field goal? TioJaime (7:48:40 PM): 174-63-1503 TioJaime (7:49:26 PM): What's a pimple on a Pollack's ass? TioJaime (7:50:39 PM): strippers in the dressing room! TioJaime (7:51:03 PM): black stripper eating a banana! TioJaime (7:51:08 PM): THIS SHIT IS BANANAS TioJaime (7:51:10 PM): B TioJaime (7:51:11 PM): A TioJaime (7:51:13 PM): N TioJaime (7:51:14 PM): A TioJaime (7:51:16 PM): N TioJaime (7:51:17 PM): A TioJaime (7:51:19 PM): S TioJaime (7:51:50 PM): ooh, construction Alex! she's HAWT TioJaime (7:53:04 PM): dude, hawt chicks like that don't work in construction TioJaime (7:54:39 PM): oh shit, she spilled her diet pepsi on her chest! TioJaime (7:54:46 PM): perhaps she needs to work out? TioJaime (7:55:10 PM): oh wow, speak of the devil! TioJaime (7:55:16 PM): taping her feet TioJaime (7:55:24 PM): leg warmers TioJaime (7:55:29 PM): gratuituous crotch shots TioJaime (7:55:43 PM): gratuitous hip shots TioJaime (7:55:47 PM): i like this movie TioJaime (7:56:06 PM): gratuitous Jennifer-Beals-stretching TioJaime (7:56:23 PM): Oh she's a Maniac TioJaime (7:56:29 PM): And she's dancing like she's never danced before TioJaime (7:57:19 PM): poor edit to finish the scene? TioJaime (7:57:23 PM): that kinda sucks TioJaime (7:57:35 PM): all of a sudden, there're no more sweaty hips =( TioJaime (8:01:18 PM): "I don't have dinner with the boss." TioJaime (8:02:36 PM): ooh she's 18! TioJaime (8:06:19 PM): uh oh, more working out? oh no! TioJaime (8:07:21 PM): "i'm glad I ain't no honky..." TioJaime (8:09:51 PM): "you girls eat like pigs. what happened to the diet?" TioJaime (8:10:45 PM): ooh, Jennifer Beals on ice! TioJaime (8:11:43 PM): LOL "now ya ain't nervous anymore! now you're pissed off..." TioJaime (8:13:11 PM): lotsa pollack jokes TioJaime (8:13:38 PM): FUCK THE STEELERS TioJaime (8:14:04 PM): OK more pollack jokes TioJaime (8:14:15 PM): still, fuck the steelers TioJaime (8:15:03 PM): she's going on a Manhunt! TioJaime (8:17:14 PM): nice ass TioJaime (8:17:43 PM): "no more jokes about cock-a-roaches, huh?" TioJaime (8:21:04 PM): "you're fired. i'll pick you up tomorrow at 8" TioJaime (8:22:46 PM): Gloria! TioJaime (8:22:53 PM): You're always on the run now! TioJaime (8:27:04 PM): she's originally from Altoona, PA? TioJaime (8:27:07 PM): WHORE CITY TioJaime (8:27:59 PM): and she just took her bra off under her sweatshirt TioJaime (8:28:09 PM): that was the hottest thing ever TioJaime (8:30:29 PM): wow, pittsburg(h) looks like a piece of shit TioJaime (8:33:52 PM): I wanna date a stripper/welder... TioJaime (8:35:13 PM): this stage show sucks TioJaime (8:36:28 PM): wow that stage show really sucks TioJaime (8:37:01 PM): so ideally, if you're familiar with Flashdance you know exactly which scene I'm talking about... TioJaime (8:40:30 PM): i like it when she says "shit" TioJaime (8:42:38 PM): "who's the goddam blonde, nick?" TioJaime (8:42:56 PM): "I BROKE YOUR FUCKING WINDOW!" TioJaime (8:43:13 PM): "go fuck your blonde!" TioJaime (8:43:34 PM): who the fuck is calling? TioJaime (8:44:51 PM): telemarketer TioJaime (8:45:10 PM): she's wearing a tuxedo? TioJaime (8:45:17 PM): and eating with her hands? TioJaime (8:45:52 PM): WHORE TioJaime (8:46:02 PM): ooh hi stockings TioJaime (8:47:07 PM): whoa TioJaime (8:47:16 PM): nice outfit TioJaime (8:50:38 PM): yay for the Pittsburg(h) Dance and Repertory Company! TioJaime (8:52:35 PM): "see ya around, izod!" TioJaime (8:53:29 PM): Alexandra Owens, 7 Wood Street, Pittsburg(h), PA, 15222 TioJaime (8:55:45 PM): heh, he called them last night TioJaime (8:56:40 PM): http://maps.yahoo.com/maps_result?addr=7+wood+street&csz=pittsburgh%2C+PA&country=us&new=1&name=&qty= TioJaime (8:57:18 PM): whoa, naked-nakeds! TioJaime (8:57:37 PM): boobies! TioJaime (8:58:15 PM): BOOBIES! TioJaime (8:58:34 PM): YAY FOR BOOBIES! TioJaime (8:59:28 PM): wet boobies in the rain? TioJaime (8:59:46 PM): and SixHertz called this movie gay... what a fag! TioJaime (9:02:51 PM): well of course that old chick was gonna die TioJaime (9:03:45 PM): well shit, now you can dance to avenge the death of your... whoever that was TioJaime (9:09:31 PM): oh she's dancing all stripper-tastic for the Pittsburg(h) Dance and Repertory Company! TioJaime (9:12:09 PM): Dude, Being is Believing! TioJaime (9:12:23 PM): I am music now! TioJaime has left the chat room. And that's how you do it. I don't think the original 3am Critic did TV shows, but probably only movies. Look around the SHoP. You'll find 3amCs of some movies... Tio Jaime

unless by steel you mean WHORE / and by city you mean CITY

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i want desiree to rape me. hard.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... HFS I almost missed it! wow, i'm getting a stiffy because of the little boricua's dealie-stretch ooh, that's not moira kelly, but a moira kelly look-alike & allahu akbar that MOTHERFUCKER & those frat guys are kinda gay An unprecedented SHoP first! THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 PM AND 11:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. About a day late posting this. Sorry. Unfortunately, what with the hot boricua leaving, I'm not so sure I'll make it to the final six teams, when it gets interesting. Oh heck, of course I will! Good season so far, especially with the crapfests that were the Family Edition and Boston Robb-o-thon. Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith Live, 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 9, episode 3 You are now in chat room "WHORELANDO." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:27 PM): hello dere again JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:34 PM): they're recapping the episode JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:42 PM): but i fell asleep JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:50 PM): and i don't think iposted JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:56 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:59 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:02 PM): A MAZE ING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:06 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:10 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:13 PM): AAAAAAAAAAMAAZING RACE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:18 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:22 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:31 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:14 PM): Moscow, Russia! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:20 PM): i need a nice russian wife JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:25 PM): Hello, how is going? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:40 PM): Eric and Jeremy, leg is not over JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:53 PM): Teams must now travel more than 1000 miles to Germany JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:00 PM): to the mercedes-benz factory JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:47 PM): "that would've been a prime spot to be... holding hands w/the chicks" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:53 PM): that was the stupidest thing i've ever heard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:10 PM): yolanda needs to be fucked hard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:15 PM): just an observation. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:26 PM): ooh how is going JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:47 PM): i hate the fucking hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:25 PM): whoa, that sign said "Phil" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:37 PM): ooh desiree yeah momma JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:51 PM): ooh hi desiree JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:09:38 PM): whatever, they're gonna bottleneck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:34 PM): i want desiree to rape me. hard. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:39 PM): while naomi watches JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:11:15 PM): Dave & Lori, last team to arrive JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:17 PM): fucking dirty hippies JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:24 PM): i'd hate to race against them if only because of the smell JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:20:37 PM): wow, 170km/h JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:20:44 PM): for some reason i don't find myself caring JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:20:57 PM): OK the high bank is cool JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:05 PM): tha'ts fucking rad JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:46 PM): Teams will now drive themselves more than 20- miles to ellbach JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:23:31 PM): desiree is hot in sunglsses JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:12 PM): oh shit, she's such a cutie JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:26:56 PM): a Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:27:04 PM): FUCK YOU TRAVELOCITY GNOME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:19 PM): a detour is a choice between two tasks each with its own pros and cons JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:21 PM): break it or slap it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:33 PM): break bottles or some german dancing JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:37:12 PM): ooh hot st. pauli girl JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:39:54 PM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:40:03 PM): a 153-year-old monument to peace in Germany JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:40:05 PM): funny shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:15 PM): eric and jeremy team #1 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:19 PM): with a fucking gnome JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:22 PM): trip to africa JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:27 PM): i fucking hate that gnome JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:44 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:50 PM): i fucking hate those guys JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:43:49 PM): FUCKING STUPID HIPPIES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:44:07 PM): and people wonder why everybody hates the Bay Area JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:45:58 PM): and now it's a german marching lederhosen band JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:46:43 PM): oh please don't eliminate the hot boricuas JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:47:15 PM): FUCK DUDE! NO! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:35 PM): oh the hot puerto rican is screwed JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:52:52 PM): oh they're switching JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:10 PM): heh that was fast JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:51 PM): yolanda has nice legs JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:53:56 PM): butterface JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:35 PM): no way JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:46 PM): team boricua is too far behind JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:01 PM): whoa JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:14 PM): whoa JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:16 PM): maybe JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:19 PM): please please JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:21 PM): SHIT JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:24 PM): FUCK JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:30 PM): WHORE CITY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:56:47 PM): ooh she's cute JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:01 PM): I'm sorry to tell you you've been Philiminated from the Race JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:19 PM): shit, the one time i'm awake for a Philimination, it's the hot boricuas JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:23 PM): goddam she's hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:28 PM): and i like her mom too JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:57:48 PM): Stay chuned from scenes from our next episode JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:08 PM): oh the next episode of TAR JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:32 PM): whatever JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:37 PM): no reason to watch anymore JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Not sure how this shit made the SHoP, but here we are...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... ooh, that's not moira kelly, but a moira kelly look-alike & allahu akbar that MOTHERFUCKER & those frat guys are kinda gay "do you think it's funny to master the harmonica and not tell anybody?" & ooh hi MILF-y hot no-sex Sharon & being black is a secret society! An unprecedented SHoP first! THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 10:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. Been watching a lot of TV. This is from yesterday. Pretty much the moral of the story from Black. White. is... 1) White people are dopey and naive, 2) Black people are very, very angry, 3) Black people are resentful if you patronize them, 4) Black people are resentful if you don't patronize them, 5) Black people make fun of their own who act "white", 6) Black people will sabotage you if you're going to go to a black church for a stupid TV show, 7) Black people will laugh at you behind your back if you suck at being a black person. This show sucks. And they didn't even choose hot women. And that black kid? what a hump, he says maybe ten words each episode? what a piece of shit. I'm actually sorry this made it onto the SHoP. Hopefully nobody's reading this right now. when it's formalized and put through dialect coaches, you find out things like black people say "bitch" and "nigger" You are now in chat room "WHORECITY." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (8:09:02 PM): OK so tonight... TioJ (8:09:04 PM): OH FUCK ME TioJ (8:09:14 PM): hello dere! TioJ (8:09:20 PM): TV MA L TioJ (8:09:36 PM): OK so one taped episode of Black. White. TioJ (8:09:45 PM): one live show of The Unit, which sucks TioJ (8:09:54 PM): (and so you already know that this won't be on the SHoP) TioJ (8:10:10 PM): (well, do the math. you're not on the SHoP) TioJ (8:10:14 PM): and then TAR9 TioJ (8:10:18 PM): which might make the SHoP TioJ (8:10:20 PM): we'll see... TioJ (8:11:56 PM): "i need to put on my white voice" TioJ (8:12:14 PM): "white people, dey say de whole worr" TioJ (8:12:23 PM): white people, they tend to say the whole word. TioJ (8:13:02 PM): oh, well that's black-speak for you TioJ (8:13:31 PM): when it's formalized and put through dialect coaches, you find out things like black people say "bitch" and "nigger" TioJ (8:14:15 PM): yeah, right... slam poetry... sure TioJ (8:14:21 PM): just trying to legitimize rap TioJ (8:14:28 PM): what a bunch of shit TioJ (8:20:36 PM): dude, infidelity in the black race isn't an opinion TioJ (8:20:52 PM): you got 2/3 of black children born out of wedlock? do the math TioJ (8:23:35 PM): what, did the word "cusp" confuse them? TioJ (8:33:33 PM): yeah right... articulation particular to black culture TioJ (8:38:38 PM): oh they're playing the aunt jemima and uncle ben cards! TioJ (8:40:17 PM): WELL OBVIOUSLY THE BLACK PEOPLE AREN'T TRYING TO HELP YOU TioJ (8:43:04 PM): well no shit, maybe if the dumb black C.U.N.T. had helped you out... TioJ (8:47:14 PM): dumb fag Thank God that's done. And I know I promised that we'd never 3amC The Unit again, but i broke that shit. And then I broke the above promise about not putting it on the SHoP... so really, the two cancel each other out ask them if they have a spare portugese wife-to-be laying around their house TioJ (9:00:34 PM): and yay it's time for The Unit! TioJ (9:01:51 PM): oh yes... TioJ (9:02:05 PM): where are they going? oh my i wonder where... TioJ (9:02:12 PM): Indonesia? TioJ (9:02:13 PM): WTF? TioJ (9:02:31 PM): fuck this TioJ (9:07:08 PM): so far this kinda sucks TioJ (9:07:11 PM): no philippines TioJ (9:07:30 PM): and that firing range sequence kinda went over my head TioJ (9:07:47 PM): i shudder to think how the rest of the Little Brain americans took it... TioJ (9:12:14 PM): great muslims TioJ (9:12:48 PM): sorry, that should've read "great. muslims." TioJ (9:27:05 PM): STFU you dumb whore TioJ (9:27:16 PM): man she's ugly TioJ (9:27:42 PM): LOL TioJ (9:27:52 PM): take that, coffee table! SixH has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:33:15 PM): hello dere TioJ (9:33:20 PM): so yeah dude TioJ (9:33:28 PM): this show sucks so much dead bear TioJ (9:33:47 PM): that I had to bring you in to keep me interested SixH (9:34:47 PM): I'm not watching anything now SixH (9:34:51 PM): whatcha watchin? TioJ (9:34:52 PM): good TioJ (9:34:55 PM): don't start TioJ (9:34:58 PM): watching The Unit TioJ (9:34:59 PM): on CBS TioJ (9:35:21 PM): well they're shooting now TioJ (9:35:28 PM): still... too little too late TioJ (9:35:48 PM): oh, and i found the opening credits from that Jem shit you were telling me about? TioJ (9:36:03 PM): I've never seen that shit before... you sure that was me? SixH (9:40:29 PM): I could've sworn you did SixH (9:40:37 PM): I'm talking with the parents TioJ (9:41:18 PM): tell 'em i sez howdy TioJ (9:42:29 PM): shit, i thought that ugly blonde was gonna take her blouse off SixH (9:43:06 PM): THey say hi too. :-) They ask if you're doing okay? TioJ (9:44:01 PM): ask them if they have a spare portugese wife-to-be laying around their house SixH (9:45:24 PM): My folks laughed, "I wish we did--no young girls left here" TioJ (9:45:36 PM): tell em i'd be OK w/an older one too... SixH (9:45:36 PM): "you'll have to hang out near the portuguese festas" SixH (9:46:00 PM): My parents say you might find a minnesota girl at my wedding. :P TioJ (9:46:09 PM): wow. TioJ (9:46:18 PM): so i can go to minnesota. again. TioJ (9:46:25 PM): LOL SixH (9:46:39 PM): LOL TioJ (9:47:00 PM): hey, i hope your woman knows that i'm just effing around whenever i play the making-us-go-to-minnesota card... SixH (9:47:54 PM): hahah SixH (9:48:04 PM): I'm sure she does. If not, I'll tell her. TioJ (9:48:25 PM): it was kinda subtle, but when i made mention of it the first time in your parents' kitchen TioJ (9:48:55 PM): i saw her wince when i mentioned Minnesota TioJ (9:49:03 PM): so now that i've uncovered that weakness... TioJ (9:49:20 PM): heh SixH (9:50:14 PM): Let's just wait 'till Vegas. I think you'll be impressed with some of the ladies. SixH (9:50:22 PM): Conservative TioJ (9:50:25 PM): from minnesota. SixH (9:50:29 PM): Some from Tuscon TioJ (9:50:42 PM): conservative? like from land of 10,000 mondale supporters? SixH (9:51:07 PM): Yup, and from McCain country TioJ (9:51:28 PM): "if you were a woman, i'd marry you" TioJ (9:51:33 PM): Ok that was a funny line SixH (9:51:36 PM): haha TioJ (9:51:42 PM): shit, dude, i'd vote for McCain... TioJ (9:52:47 PM): don't see too much else the republicans can put up SixH (9:55:09 PM): Mitt Romney? TioJ (9:56:11 PM): massachusetts? I forget what happened in the end of the episode. They mixed in too much Desperate Housewives, not enough shooting shit up. I only put The Unit here because SixH and I started shooting the shit... Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Bear Territory

Oh, and Citizen SHoPpers? Yeah, thanks a fuckload.

An unprecedented SHoP first!

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Pre-April Angriness!

Come, Citizen SHoPper! Come join the SixHertz House of Pain NCAA Tournament Pick-em! Click on the link, put in the Group Number, enter the somewhat-inappropriate password! http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/men Group Number: 100918 Somewhat-inappropriate Password: moosecock Now that I walked myself through the process, Click on Create or Join Group, then click on Join Existing Group, and finally click on Join a Private Group. Prizes? I dunno, lemme talk to SixHertz about that. I still owe some of you bumper stickers, huh? Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

I AM STILL A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP... I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE Eastmost Peninsula is the Secret You're on the air with KJIMMY DRY MOIST HUMP LOAF THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:00 PM AND 8:00 PM. EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME. Damn, I'm good. 7:12 PM TioJaime: http://johnlondon1069freefm.blogspot.com/2006/03/monday-march-13.html TioJaime: very last line MwHCock: what were you guessing? TioJaime: radio rebus TioJaime: they play a series of sounds, and it decodes to a person, place or thing I'd like to point out that I am not a prize pig. And even if I were, I wouldn't be stupid enough to say it on the air. Oh no. The gloat-age is best saved for the privacy of one's own blog. Nevermind that there's a bit of skill involved in winning the Radio Rebus, so any gloating is well earned. Also Nevermind that tonight was my second time. Ooh, momma. And an even bigger Nevermind that none of you Citizen SHoPpers followed through with my advice and started catching the internet stream of John London's Inferno like I told you to. Oh no. Enough gloat-age and indignance. On to more San Francisco Bay Area radio news. I've come across the airchecks from Darian O'Toole's last day on KIFR. They're pretty embarassing. I mean sure, we all make mistakes and we all screw up-- but this is inexcusable. Don't they have PDs or any kind of management there who would've pulled the plug on her show and run Best-Ofs? No great loss. Don and Mike have plenty of archived podcasts online to fill the mid-morning slot on KJIMMY. Heh, gotcha. Thought I was gonna go through this post w/o mentioning D&M, huh? OK. New show on right now, recommended by Trosama min Asi-- Deal or No Deal. Cute chicks with briefcases. Ooh, hi chick #10. Ooh, hi chick #20! #5! Cute hair. #22! Donna! She was cute... Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith PS- Holy shit, these DoND chicks are freakin' HAWT