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Wednesday, June 08, 2005

3am Criticism of Ashtard Kutcher's Beauty and the Geek

Good episode! I actually laughed twice! Which is more than I can say for fox reality TV shows. Oh sorry, this is a social experiment...

and when you're done shoving that up ashton kutcher's ass, come back to the SHoP for some wacky republican, engineer antics. If you're a hot chick, you're doubly invited.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Beauty and the Geek, episode 2
You are now in chat room “batgep2.”
TioJaime858 has entered the chat room.

TioJaime858 (7:50:44 PM): hello dere
TioJaime858 (7:50:56 PM): ten minutes until Beauty and the Geek
TioJaime858 (7:51:04 PM): hopefully I can get my dinner ready by then
TioJaime858 (7:51:12 PM): and really, WTF am i doing chatting?
TioJaime858 (7:51:16 PM): i'll be back for the show
TioJaime858 (7:52:23 PM): la la la
TioJaime858 (7:59:42 PM): OK
TioJaime858 (8:00:03 PM): it's an albertson's commercial w/patricia heaton
TioJaime858 (8:00:11 PM): yay
TioJaime858 (8:00:14 PM): from ashton kutcher
TioJaime858 (8:00:19 PM): oh it's a Social Experiment
TioJaime858 (8:01:08 PM): oh and one of the women fell for the geeks
TioJaime858 (8:01:09 PM): yay
TioJaime858 (8:01:13 PM): and yay for the jew
TioJaime858 (8:01:30 PM): yeah they voted for him because he was the least geeky
TioJaime858 (8:01:32 PM): tards
TioJaime858 (8:01:57 PM): wow only 6 teams remain?
TioJaime858 (8:02:15 PM): "7 geniuses"
TioJaime858 (8:02:20 PM): "7 beautiful women"
TioJaime858 (8:02:30 PM): oh i'm missing the montage
TioJaime858 (8:03:09 PM): yay
TioJaime858 (8:03:23 PM): yeah nice job hotness
TioJaime858 (8:03:27 PM): of course they're gon
TioJaime858 (8:03:34 PM): are you retarded?
TioJaime858 (8:03:44 PM): this is the basis of reality shows
TioJaime858 (8:03:51 PM): even if they're just "social experiments"
TioJaime858 (8:04:35 PM): you connect either because: a) you're the most viable out of the nerds or b) she has the least self-esteem
TioJaime858 (8:04:40 PM): "i never thought i'd fall for a nerd"
TioJaime858 (8:04:59 PM): kinda like Revenge of the Nerds
TioJaime858 (8:05:12 PM): "that's the difference between Them and Us"
TioJaime858 (8:05:18 PM): "we have lives and they don't
TioJaime858 (8:05:20 PM): "
TioJaime858 (8:05:24 PM): ooh hi
TioJaime858 (8:06:01 PM): "you're making me dumber by telling me this stuff"
TioJaime858 (8:06:37 PM): Caitilin - "Aspiring Fashion Expert"
TioJaime858 (8:06:39 PM): great
TioJaime858 (8:06:42 PM): oh that's fucking great
TioJaime858 (8:06:49 PM): "it's a car jack thing"
TioJaime858 (8:07:08 PM): oh yay the hot one is paired w/the dukes of hazzard nerd
TioJaime858 (8:07:19 PM): hi scarlet
TioJaime858 (8:07:25 PM): WTF?
TioJaime858 (8:07:32 PM): these nerds get to massage hot chicks?
TioJaime858 (8:08:07 PM): books, massage oil...
TioJaime858 (8:08:09 PM): great
TioJaime858 (8:08:22 PM): "oh my gosh, he's actually gonna have to touch a woman. he's never done that before"
TioJaime858 (8:09:16 PM): ooh
TioJaime858 (8:09:22 PM): hi hot chick in the hot pants
TioJaime858 (8:09:27 PM): oh i like that one
TioJaime858 (8:09:48 PM): oh good luck Duke
TioJaime858 (8:09:55 PM): i don't give a fuck what your real name is
TioJaime858 (8:09:57 PM): i like his chick
TioJaime858 (8:10:18 PM): LOL
TioJaime858 (8:10:19 PM): oh wow
TioJaime858 (8:10:32 PM): this show actually ellicited a audible laugh from
TioJaime858 (8:10:34 PM): Tio Jaime
TioJaime858 (8:10:39 PM): oh you poor bastard
TioJaime858 (8:10:43 PM): a hot chick is touching you
TioJaime858 (8:11:10 PM): "i am your masseuse"
TioJaime858 (8:11:13 PM): said the jew-nerd
TioJaime858 (8:11:24 PM): "inept? what does that mean?"
TioJaime858 (8:11:35 PM): oh you whiny jew
TioJaime858 (8:11:44 PM): good call, playing the money card w/the jew
TioJaime858 (8:12:09 PM): commercial
TioJaime858 (8:12:18 PM): so far, very good
TioJaime858 (8:14:30 PM): and we're back
TioJaime858 (8:14:34 PM): ooh
TioJaime858 (8:14:45 PM): "all the girls are dressed in daisy duke shorts"
TioJaime858 (8:14:48 PM): oh my
TioJaime858 (8:14:56 PM): OK this is a good show
TioJaime858 (8:15:28 PM): ooh holy shit
TioJaime858 (8:16:01 PM): ooh hi mindi
TioJaime858 (8:16:09 PM): lauren is changing the air filter
TioJaime858 (8:16:15 PM): oh i think that's the one i like
TioJaime858 (8:17:37 PM): ooh yeah lauren
TioJaime858 (8:17:58 PM): ooh lauren lingerie modelcaitilin
TioJaime858 (8:18:02 PM): oops
TioJaime858 (8:18:06 PM): caitilin won
TioJaime858 (8:18:15 PM): ooh wow oyou're hot
TioJaime858 (8:18:43 PM): "Take a deep breathe. There you go."
TioJaime858 (8:18:44 PM): WTF?
TioJaime858 (8:18:48 PM): you fucking retard
TioJaime858 (8:18:56 PM): hi hotness
TioJaime858 (8:19:04 PM): oh i like Lauren
TioJaime858 (8:19:26 PM): yay for hot chicks
TioJaime858 (8:22:12 PM): ooh is lori loughlin in another TV show?
TioJaime858 (8:22:41 PM): i like her
TioJaime858 (8:22:55 PM): Naomi kinda looks like lori laughlin
TioJaime858 (8:23:03 PM): "ladies, go on upstairs and get changed"
TioJaime858 (8:23:09 PM): that's cheap
TioJaime858 (8:23:39 PM): uh oh they're in robes
TioJaime858 (8:23:47 PM): "alright ladies, time to disrobe"
TioJaime858 (8:24:09 PM): that's so messed up
TioJaime858 (8:24:11 PM): like i care
TioJaime858 (8:24:22 PM): cue the porn music
TioJaime858 (8:24:41 PM): "fisting"
TioJaime858 (8:24:42 PM): heh
TioJaime858 (8:24:49 PM): "i was rubbing oil on six hot women"
TioJaime858 (8:24:52 PM): i like the jew
TioJaime858 (8:25:05 PM): i like the porn music
TioJaime858 (8:25:29 PM): "yeah, this is great!"
TioJaime858 (8:25:37 PM): "do i look fat laying here?"
TioJaime858 (8:25:52 PM): wow
TioJaime858 (8:26:09 PM): ooh hi lingerie model
TioJaime858 (8:26:26 PM): "i've never had my hands on that many women before in my life"
TioJaime858 (8:26:41 PM): that many or any
TioJaime858 (8:27:11 PM): is he the doctor?
TioJaime858 (8:27:28 PM): oh they won both
TioJaime858 (8:27:41 PM): like anybody can tell who the dudes are except the jew and the little kid
TioJaime858 (8:27:51 PM): and don't use words like "onus" around your chick
TioJaime858 (8:27:56 PM): heh, she said magic stick
TioJaime858 (8:28:13 PM): oh yeah get over it
TioJaime858 (8:28:48 PM): ooh hi
TioJaime858 (8:28:50 PM): chicks in towels
TioJaime858 (8:29:11 PM): richard's behavior is worrying you?
TioJaime858 (8:29:14 PM): oh what a tard
TioJaime858 (8:29:41 PM): heh
TioJaime858 (8:29:48 PM): the women are reinforcing his tard behavior
TioJaime858 (8:29:52 PM): LOL
TioJaime858 (8:30:10 PM): wow i'm literally laughing out loud
TioJaime858 (8:30:16 PM): i like tha tcrazy jew!
TioJaime858 (8:30:33 PM): commercial
TioJaime858 (8:30:40 PM): yeah no shit do not attempt this stunt
TioJaime858 (8:30:42 PM): ooh
TioJaime858 (8:30:44 PM): hi hot chicks
TioJaime858 (8:30:53 PM): ooh hi heather locklear and hillary duff
TioJaime858 (8:34:06 PM): and we're back
TioJaime858 (8:34:12 PM): chuck!
TioJaime858 (8:35:07 PM): dude, this chick is lecturing you on reality
TioJaime858 (8:35:13 PM): and survival skills
TioJaime858 (8:35:26 PM): "i'm gonna eliminate him and every other fucking nerd in this joint"
TioJaime858 (8:35:28 PM): LOL
TioJaime858 (8:35:49 PM): oh hot chick yeah
TioJaime858 (8:36:20 PM): and what retard thought of "life size barbie doll"
TioJaime858 (8:36:37 PM): WTF is he doing now?
TioJaime858 (8:36:46 PM): "omg, i need social interaction right now"
TioJaime858 (8:36:56 PM): oh hi scarlet
TioJaime858 (8:36:59 PM): i need you here
TioJaime858 (8:37:06 PM): oh hi lauren
TioJaime858 (8:37:26 PM): oh no she's crying
TioJaime858 (8:37:39 PM): so much for your survival huh you stupid skank
TioJaime858 (8:37:58 PM): oh don't be such a C.U.N.T.
TioJaime858 (8:38:13 PM): send brett and some mean looking skank
TioJaime858 (8:38:23 PM): "it's allgood"
TioJaime858 (8:38:26 PM): brad and crystal, sorry
TioJaime858 (8:38:33 PM): brad/crystal and erika/joe
TioJaime858 (8:39:05 PM): should've known there'd be alot of crying
TioJaime858 (8:39:14 PM): nice job joe
TioJaime858 (8:39:24 PM): oh you'll be fine
TioJaime858 (8:39:27 PM): you're a hot skank
TioJaime858 (8:39:30 PM): ooh hi
TioJaime858 (8:39:37 PM): those eyelashes look dangerous
TioJaime858 (8:39:50 PM): it's the Jew!
TioJaime858 (8:40:10 PM): genuine jew!
TioJaime858 (8:40:21 PM): yeah hug the jew
TioJaime858 (8:40:31 PM): and now one of the nerds is teaching the jew
TioJaime858 (8:40:34 PM): funny shit
TioJaime858 (8:40:41 PM): ooh Krystal the NBA dancer
TioJaime858 (8:41:12 PM): Krystal Kleavage!
TioJaime858 (8:42:04 PM): "i realize that i am really shallow!"
TioJaime858 (8:42:12 PM): yeah nice job repenting dumb chick
TioJaime858 (8:42:16 PM): she's leaving
TioJaime858 (8:42:24 PM): now that she's learned
TioJaime858 (8:42:27 PM): ooh jessica alba
TioJaime858 (8:42:36 PM): commercial, btw
TioJaime858 (8:45:31 PM): Welcome to the Philimination Room
TioJaime858 (8:45:40 PM): ooh Krystal Kleavage!
TioJaime858 (8:45:43 PM): whoa
TioJaime858 (8:45:46 PM): WTF happened to that chick
TioJaime858 (8:46:17 PM): why aren't there any fat geeks?
TioJaime858 (8:46:40 PM): hot chick got Odometer!
TioJaime858 (8:46:45 PM): Krystal Kleavage!
TioJaime858 (8:46:53 PM): wipers blades made of rubber
TioJaime858 (8:47:01 PM): OK and neither of the guys new that
TioJaime858 (8:47:17 PM): V-8 means 8 cylinders and joe didn't knwo that
TioJaime858 (8:47:32 PM): Kleavage: lug nuts!
TioJaime858 (8:47:50 PM): Erika: is it a spark plug?
TioJaime858 (8:48:06 PM): Kleavage: starts w/V, means thickness of oil
TioJaime858 (8:48:12 PM): wtf
TioJaime858 (8:48:20 PM): oh she got viscous!
TioJaime858 (8:48:21 PM): wow
TioJaime858 (8:48:39 PM): ladies, GTFO
TioJaime858 (8:48:59 PM): i'm gonna go for joe since his chick doesn't have freak kleavage
TioJaime858 (8:49:07 PM): coarse sponge?
TioJaime858 (8:49:33 PM): "a massage rag!"
TioJaime858 (8:49:46 PM): loofa?
TioJaime858 (8:49:55 PM): largest organ is the skin!
TioJaime858 (8:50:04 PM): the host is a tool
TioJaime858 (8:50:16 PM): gluteus maximus
TioJaime858 (8:50:44 PM): something about shiatsu
TioJaime858 (8:51:08 PM): joe: thumbing
TioJaime858 (8:51:13 PM): and it was reflexology
TioJaime858 (8:51:16 PM): fuck if i know
TioJaime858 (8:51:36 PM): if you miss it you force a tiebreaker in which the women baby oil wrestle
TioJaime858 (8:51:55 PM): something about some fulll sensory... oh aromatherapy
TioJaime858 (8:51:58 PM): dammit
TioJaime858 (8:52:22 PM): nice job joe
TioJaime858 (8:52:38 PM): GTFO
TioJaime858 (8:53:19 PM): "this is the longest time i've talked to attractive girls"
TioJaime858 (8:53:27 PM): nice job joe!
TioJaime858 (8:53:38 PM): you stupid woman
TioJaime858 (8:53:59 PM): dudes like joe can't talk to cute girls unless they're all on TV
TioJaime858 (8:54:17 PM): "... how superficial girls that look like us can treat guys that look like them..."
TioJaime858 (8:54:24 PM): yeah great
TioJaime858 (8:54:36 PM): so unless dumb chicks are on TV they'll just be dumb chicks
TioJaime858 (8:55:56 PM): i like birds just as much as the next guy but that mentos commercial makes me want to buy birdshot
TioJaime858 (8:56:11 PM): OK i like birds more than the next guy
TioJaime858 (8:56:16 PM): but still
TioJaime858 (8:56:49 PM): something about hot blondes in underwear
TioJaime858 (8:56:52 PM): was that kate hudson?
TioJaime858 (8:57:07 PM): she didn't look so bad in that last trailer
TioJaime858 (8:58:27 PM): "is hank's dog racist?"
TioJaime858 (8:58:30 PM): heh
TioJaime858 (8:58:47 PM): The geeks have to buy clothing for their beauties
TioJaime858 (8:59:04 PM): the girls try to be rocket scientists
TioJaime858 (8:59:15 PM): ooh
TioJaime858 (8:59:20 PM): one of the geeks makes his move on scarlet
TioJaime858 (8:59:28 PM): replay tomorrow 9/8c
TioJaime858 (8:59:37 PM): OK see you next wek
TioJaime858 (8:59:38 PM): week
TioJaime858 (8:59:58 PM): if you'd like, try to follow along tomorrow night w/the 3am Criticism
TioJaime858 (9:00:09 PM): oh yeah, sorry, this was a 3am Criticism
TioJaime858 has left the chat room.