Coming up for air...

Popping my head up above the water just long enough to point you towards a good commercial. Push It! Needless to say, if you have an unhealthy dependence on TiVo, this is likely the first you're seeing of this commercial. My DSL gets turned on at latest a week from today. Fuck me.

File this one under R, for Arrivederci!

Cindy Sheehan plans new protest at Bush's ranch, considers Senate bid. Actually, I welcome her run against Dianne Feinstein. I'd like to see exactly how the dummocrats are going to tactfully deal with this potato. Visiting Venezuela to lick the shoes of the communists? Yup. Real patriotic hero of the left, this Cindy.

That PETA activist just got a little bit uglier

Makes you wonder just how many of them know... And how many retard celebrities working for PETA are going to give up their name-brand make-up? While you're there, check out their "Milk Gone Wild" page and tell me it doesn't make you crave some ice cream. Wonder what those PETA people would've done to survive if they were living hundreds of years ago. Udder insanity.

Hey Leftists, your moms called!

Ain't Degenero-crats great? They always seem to forget what they were trying to cram down everybody else's throats, and this always seems to come back to bite them in their asses...

MN.mu.nu: Bush Wasn't Spying Enough!

Shit, the title says it all, but click on it, send some linky-love OTW Mark's way and you'll probably find some other stuff you'll like.

And if you want some old-school SHoPping, check out the 3am Criticism here...

3 AM Critic-style, Minute-by-Minute Log of the First Presidential Debate

And that's SixHertz, kids. Not your Tio Jaime. Who, fortunately for you, had his DSL disconnected and as such spared you from quadrupleheader 3amCs of Beauty and the Geek, Grey's Anatomy, and Skating with Celebrities.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Spammage!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Another Wonderful Opportunity for SHoPpers across These Fruited Plains to BLATANTLY IGNORE Their Tio Jaime's Advice

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 AM AND 9:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

A few things about Spam. I've been on the SHoP bench lately, sorry, and only have this measley post for you. Suffice it to say, don't assume that you've set up automatic bill pay for your DSL/phone. If you haven't, SBC gets mad and disconnects your service because you're a dumbass.

Filipinos love Spam. The canned lunch meat, not the junk e-mail. Not sure why this is, but we can eat it with rice. Don't knock it until you've tried it, Citizen SHoPper.

Even though SBC and I are separated and working out our problems, we still love you. We will always love you, even if we're fighting with each other. And those fucking bastards, I have no DSL signal from my phone line to the DSL modem, but lookee here, they're good and ready to send me spam. So I can check it on my AT&T connection here at work.

OK, and last spam-related Tio Jaime blurb... I will never be one to send unwanted e-mails to your e-mail address advertising pyramid schemes for free movie tickets or other weird shit like that. I learn from MwHCock-- once he sent out an e-mail for some program that would pay you for all the time you spent online to some friends, but he made sure to have my testimony so it wouldn't be your run-of-the-mill "hey sign up for this internet offer" e-mail.

I won't send you those e-mails, but I will post the information here for your convenience. Isn't it so much easier to ignore the advice of your Tio Jaime here on the SHoP instead of in the violated sanctity of your Inbox?

And please take note, Citizen SHoPpers, Tio Jaime is sending you a subtle hint about filling even his throwaway e-mail with crappy offers. Nevermind his real e-mail.

Check out these rad fucking coupons...

Rad fucking coupons for restaurants across the nation!

And yes, Citizen SHoPper, you can do me the courtesy of letting me refer you. You'll be saving money. You'll thank me later. I bought some of these coupons (albeit from a different website) a few years back and they worked out just fine.

What's that? You're having a change of heart and you want me to repost the blingo referral link? Why of course! I'll even save you the trouble of clicking on the recap link above!

Oh hey. Look, Tio Jaime and OTW Mark have won movie tickets. See? It's not a crock of shit.

Free movie tickets? Free iTunes music? And for nothing more than not using google or yahoo or ask or altavista or lycos? You'd be a degenerate Leftist mindnumbingly stupid not to sign up!!!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Eat this, liberal cockgoblins.

That's right. It's gonna happen, and I wouldn't be so happy if I didn't know that the very idea of him being confirmed pissed you off. So, with that being said... HAHAHAHAHAHA, you frickin' bastards! Get ready for a quarter-century of the Roberts-Alito court!

Commence Eye-Rolling

Global Warming Could Spell Disaster for Blacks

Oh, Jesus. Let's pull the race card out for anything coincidental, now, shall we? And what the hell is this "Environmental Justice and Climate Change Initiative"? Well, they used to have a web site, but I guess they forgot to pay their renewal fee. Maybe they can blame whitey again. It's so much easier that way.

I've found the future university for my daughters

MwHCock went to a Liberty High, and was surprised that I knew his mascot was the Bulldog.

We're two grown men, chatting!

9:02 PM MwHCock: http://www.liberty.edu/studentaffairs/index.cfm?PID=1378 TioJaime: go bulldogs? MwHCock: liberty university TioJaime: yeah i know TioJaime: no gambling? MwHCock: I've found the future university for my daughters TioJaime: no R rated movies? TioJaime: no DECEPTION?!? 9:05 PM MwHCock: it lists abortion TioJaime: dude, i like the 30 Reprimands + $500 Fine level! MwHCock: that like doubles the prices 9:10 PM TioJaime: so your daughters can either fail to properly identify themselves twice, or have one abortion MwHCock: I guess they don't think abortion is that bad

Are puritanical rules funny? Sure. But then again, the Puritans aren't having around 70% of their children out of wedlock...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Will Work for Food

There's only one secret to bachelor cooking-- not caring how it tastes.
-- P.J. O'Rourke

Was cooking tonight. This seemed to impress Pittsburg(h) Amy. Little did she know that it tasted like crap. But she wanted a picture of the franken-dinner. Sent her this e-mail. And it was so good (the e-mail, not the food) that I'm reformatting and SHoPping it!

TioJaime's e-mail to Pittsburg(h) Amy

Date: Thu, 19 Jan 2006 20:41:38 -0800 (PST) From: "TioJaime" <tiojaime@oakland.com> Subject: yay for bachelor cooking! To: "Pittsburg(h) Amy" <pittsburghamy@3000milesfromfreakingoakland.com> OK here's a picture of my bachelor concoction. You want the recipe? You got it. Don't eat this with anything less than four cosmos in you. And make sure you're wearing paisley. OAKLAND PASTA CRAPFEST some pasta some frozen vegetables you found in your freezer minced garlic olive oil leftover pizza crushed red pepper packets from domino's parmasan cheese packets from domino's water salt Don't bother to preheat oven. Don't even bother setting it to any particular temperature. Just pick something over 250 and you should be fine. Take everything out of the oven, place the pizza on your pizza sheet. Put that fucker in, and forget about it. Boil some water. Throw in a pinch of salt. Get some of the noodles which you likely found in your cabinet, and cook that shit. Booyah! Drain that shit, and put it to the side. Collanders and strainers may facilitate this. When all else fails, you can use an old hard hat. Tear open the plastic bag of frozen vegetables which you bought several months ago. Avoid the temptation to use the bag of vegetables which have been sitting in your freezer door: they look like shit. Slam the vegetables against your counter to break off several fist-sized chunks. Throw them in the wok. Oh, you should've been warming up the wok in the background. Or not. Really, it doesn't matter at this point. Thaw out your vegetables. Keep your wok on constant low heat. Or sweltering hot heat, like any good bachelor can tell the difference. Sooner or later (hopefully sooner if you're really goddam hungry) the vegetables will thaw. Clear out an LZ (landing zone) for the minced garlic in the middle of the wok. Spoon out a big, damn tablespoonful of the garlic, and throw that shit down into the (hopefully) thawed-out vegetables. Careful now, chief, because that garlic cooks up fast! Throw in anywhere between 3 tablespoons to the whole damn bottle of olive oil. Mix that shit up. Before your garlic burns. (If by now your garlic has burned, fuck it all and put some jeans on. Hopefully the Wendy's is still open...) La la la, mix up your oil, garlic and vegetables. Eventually put the drained noodles in there. Mix that shit up some more. If you're feeling fancy, get another bowl and eat out of it. Otherwise, nothing wrong with eating right out of the emm-effing wok. Yeah, bitches! Garnish with crushed red peppers and cheese. En-fucking-joy. OH SHIT, SEE? I FORGOT ABOUT THE PIZZA! GET THE FUCKING PIZZA OUT OF THE GODDAM OVEN! ___________________________ I'm sure one of these days I'll be able to look back and think about what I've done and realize these were some pretty neat things. - Robb Nen S1.33 SKI++ MIL++ QUI++# RWG+++# KRA+++! f+>++ n Ips $ 8F16, 4F06, 4F02 M1978

Part of me thinks I'm playing up the helpless bachelor angle to Pittsburg(h) Amy, who is a self-proclaimed old fashioned, goody two-shoes kinda chick. Although after yet another foray into the realm of cooking for one's self, I don't think I'm faking it...

Luckily, Trosama min Asi has just called, and indicated that he'd be up for an excursion to the Zoo tonight! I can pick up a slice of pizza!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Not exactly Chuck Norris, but work with us here...

Got this from Hey, you...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Tio Jaime!

1. Over 46,000 pieces of Tio Jaime float on every square mile of ocean.
2. When Tio Jaime is swallowed, he will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes!
3. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Tio Jaime as he rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
4. The average duration of sexual intercourse for Tio Jaime is two minutes.
5. It's bad luck to whistle near Tio Jaime.
6. All of the roles in Shakespeare's plays - including the female roles - were originally played by Tio Jaime.
7. Tio Jaime is physically incapable of sticking his tongue out!
8. All swans in England belong to Tio Jaime!
9. Over half of Americans are officially Tio Jaime.
10. If the annual Australian Tio Jaime crop was laid end to end, it would stretch around the world seven times!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

Hmm. Number 4 is not cool at all. No sir. And if there are any female SHoPpers in the SF Bay Area who would like to help me demonstrate the contrary, please to be leaving contact information in the Comments. All you who missed National De-Lurking Week now have a second chance!!!

SEVENTH PRINCIPLE OF KJ: Having your own dorms, fraternities and sororities, graduations, and even colleges is just another form of Separate But Equal

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Intended publish date of 15 January 2006

Before you get pissed at my made up holiday, ask yourself which principles will help black people more, Kwanzaa's or Kwan-Jimmy's? Sure, mine are a little harsh and uncouth and politically incorrect, but they're more widely applicable. And I guarantee my holiday to make itself obsolete if followed correctly.

Happy Kwan-Jimmy,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

and then i realized that, oh wait, she is a whore in this movie...

Just goofing off online when I should be catching up on Vicetivus Sleep. Pictures to follow soon, and lucky for you, your uncle SixHertz wasn't on the trip so I can put up all the goddam pictures I want.

A Hop, Skip, and a Jump away from 3am C-ing...

9:20 PM TioJaime: this bachelor thing is the whor-iest thing I've ever seen TioJaime: where do they find all of these stupid chicks? TioJaime: ooh miss kansas TioJaime: and why do so many of these dumb-fuck Little Brain americans have a hard on for Paris? TioJaime: OK my panties get wet at the mention of Paris, Las Vegas TioJaime: but not the real thing 9:25 PM TioJaime: "heh heh heh, I am a whore!" TioJaime: WHORE CITY SixHertz: i just flipped it there. 9:35 PM TioJaime: i think it's a rerun TioJaime: i switched the TV to Kiss of the Dragon TioJaime: and I started calling bridget fonda "WHORE" TioJaime: and then i realized that, oh wait, she is a whore in this movie... 9:40 PM TioJaime: are you still watching the bachelor? 9:45 PM SixHertz: No, I'm watching the mental masturbation that is the Golden Globes. TioJaime: shit TioJaime: maybe you're actually better off watching the bachelor SixHertz: Liberal soap box Syriana this, faggot gayback mountain that. TioJaime: why are you watching that shit then? SixHertz: I just like having my bloodpressure rise.

I didn't mean to watch even part of the Bachelor. I just wanted to see some cleavage. Having got my fill, now I'm watching briget fonda in whore form. Why am I turned on?

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Intended publish date of 14 January 2006

Hey there, Citizen SHoPpers, quick Overlord question for you...

Which political party is most likely to embrace the following contradictory ideas in the same breath?

1) Reparations for slavery
2) An incumbent president who is trying to "build a bridge to the 21st century"
3) A senator from West Virginia who was in the Klan (Wow. Pretty scary quote there about not wanting to fight for his country alongside Negroes.)

Although maybe in a few years, the Left's political correctness will have mutated to the point where all of us Citizen SHoPpers or perhaps our offspring will be able to receive reparations for having to listen to pointless Leftist bullshit throughout the years.

We should be so fortunate.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Intended publish date of 13 January 2006 (Happy Vicetivus!)

Seriously. STFU already. We get it, it's part of your cultural identity to watch your movies obnoxiously, right? OK well since that doesn't quite fit in with how the rest of people watch movies in public, what about that whole segregation thing then? Hell, you can even gloss over calling it reverse discrimination if you want. Just shut up and let me watch this stupid Geisha movie already.

An old website called whatever-dude.com had an article which talked about this phenomenon. It was talking about Drumline and how it probably wouldn't do well in theaters and how white people would most likely just wait for this on video.

I tried telling my friend this once, after we had seen the Jackie Chan movie with that black loudmouth (redundant?) dude. Rush Hour? We saw it on Shattuck Avenue in Berkeley. I'll do the Leftist MSM and gloss over race right now, but suffice it to say that it wasn't me or my half-chinese buddy who were talking during the damn movie.

Anycrap, he didn't believe me when I said that certain races talked during movies more than other races, until he found that whatever-dude article on the internet(s). Typical Tio Jaime friend...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Intended publish date of 12 January 2006

One more PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHOP for you...

Selling out, but not really since it's basketball...

While it's nice to set goals for the betterment of one's self, realize it's good to have a goal that will really only come to fruition for maybe one child out of hundreds of thousands.

AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHY DOES THE LAST TWO MINUTES OF A GAME LAST TEN IN REAL LIFE?

What a stupid sport. Completely useless, except for college basketball. You know what's a good sport? Baseball. At the end, ya got three batters in your last inning who are gonna try as all get-out to not make a mistake and instead get on base and start a rally. None of this stupid foul, foul, bonus, bonus, bonus, bonus, double bonus, double bonus boolsheet.

Maybe if I didn't live so close to the Golden State Warriors, I might not hate basketball so much...

Tio Jaime

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry because i got drunk and ornery. Get Bent, Blue State Fuck-ups!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

A practical application of guerilla Republicanism
Posse Up, Citizen SHoPpers
So much tard control to do, but so little time...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 3:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

That's it, pigfuckers. All you pigfucker San Franciscans giggling with Leftist glee because soon-to-be-SCOTUS-Justice Alito's wife was crying? You're gonna fucking pay.

I was gonna let this jihad slip by, was gonna hope that nobody would hold me to it, but fuck that and fuck you. I was gonna get some sleep tonight before Vegas. Screw that. In conjunction with Trosama min Asi activating the Launch Sequence, I'm headed into the City right now to begin the jihad.

You have brought this upon yourselves. Only will the tears of ten San Francisco Leftists will assuage the hunger of my Guerilla Republicanism.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- just got back from the City. am mind-numbingly drunk. didn't get to make any Leftists cry. But whatever-the-fuck-ever. I have some pics to whet your appetites. I've stolen two gay-assed magnets, and one freeway sign. I'm coming to fucking get you, you San Francis-fucks. It's gonna be great, and our Citizen SHoPpers are gonna be cheering me on every step of the fucking way. Rot in hell, assholes, and pray that I don't find myself in Excremento with free time on my guerilla republican hands.

THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Tired. Going to bed very early to tweak my sleep schedule so I can stay up the 24 hour vigil that is Vicetivus VI.

I've said it before, but here it is again: We Filipinos are the Uncle Toms of the Pacific Rim.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Funny how the child of Filipino immigrants has a better grasp of the English language than do descendants of slaves who came over (albeit unwillingly) generations ago.

And don't you even dare try to pull that James Logan shit on me. Not gonna work.

Holy shit. Those last two links there? That was some of the best of your Tio Jaime from the past year. It's a shame that they'll again get buried underneath the buttload of posts in the weeks to come. The best solution? E-mail a permalink to this post to your friends! Right or Left, Republican or Demo-crud, black or non-black, filipino or non-filipino! I guarantee you've never had such a colorful spin on race relations from a colored person person of color asian oriental before.

Happy Kwan-Jimmy, Citizen SHoPpers! Bring a friend, next time...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

One More Thing...

Ooh yeah! I ordered my iPod Shuffle about a year ago minutes after the announcement at the keynote... maybe i'll even post pictures of her today? A year late, but eh... here's what Cupertino is cooking up today!

from macworld.com's keynote coverage! piping hot mac shit right here, bitches!

MacBook Pro Of course, no Steve Jobs keynote would be complete without his trademark "one more thing." This year's was a doozy: a new laptop computer called the MacBook Pro. That's right -- no more PowerBook. The MacBook pro features an Intel Duo Core chip that runs four to five times faster than the PowerBook G4, according to jobs -- he called it the fastest notebook ever. All this, in a chassis that's actually slimmer than Apple's 17-inch PowerBook G4 model, and weighs in at 5.6 pounds. It features a 15.4-inch LCD screen that's as bright as Apple's desktop Cinema Displays. The new MacBook Pro features a built-in iSight camera, much like Apple's iMac systems, and an integrated InfraRed (IR) sensor supports Apple's remote control, which can operate Front Row -- the software that helps turn a Mac into a media center, which Apple first introduced in a refreshed iMac model in 2005. Apple is taking orders today, but does not expect to begin shipping the MacBook Pro until sometime in February. A 1.67GHz model will cost $1,999. A 1.83GHz model will cost $2,499.

You want some more?

Ok here's the feed from macrumors.com...

macrumors.com keynote coverage...

10:40 am Thanks intel. 10:40 am Thanking people who walk out on stage. Lots of applause. 10:38 am Showing in the Intel ad one more time. 10:38 am Taking orders today. 10:37 am Shipping in February. 10:37 am 5.6lbs. iSight, Front Row; $1999 1.67 Core Duo; 667 DDR bus, x1600; $2499 1.83GHz. 10:35 am New feature: New Power Adapter is magnetically held in. If yanked, comes right out. 10:35 am IR sensor. Apple Remote. 10:33 am Demoing the new MacBook Pro. 10:33 am iSight Camera. 10:32 am 15.4inch LCD. bright as cinemas. 10:32 am Hair thinner than the 17". 10:32 am Fastest notebook ever. 10:31 am 4-5x faster. 10:31 am 2 processors in every Macbook pro. 10:31 am No more Powerbook. Intel duo Core. 10:30 am New laptop computer. 10:30 am Today - MacBook Pro 10:30 am But power consuption. Now discussing Peformance per Watt. 10:29 am Showing a Powerbook G4. Trying to shoehorn a G5 into the Powerbook. We've done everyhing possible... 10:29 am "One More Thing..." 10:28 am "For years intel chips have been bored in a PC" 10:28 am "Intel Chip will be Set Free" (Mac Ad)

Apple to the Core,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Workplace Safety, The Amazing Race, and Full Metal Jacket all in one SHoP post!

Our weekly tailgate safety meetings are actually bi-weekly, and don't take place around the tailgate of a pickup truck anymore. Ain't it nice being an office engineer? Well, really it's a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons...

Anycrap, (bi-)weekly tailgate safety meeting this morning. Good topic. Here's an excerpt from the handout.

passage from Why Take a Chance?, emphasis mine

Do you always work safely? Are you 100% committed to the safety of yourself, your coworkers, friends, and family? Are there times when your commitment to safety is not as strong as it should be? Have you been taking risks and getting away with it? Don't expect your luck to hold. No one ever plans an accident. An accident, by definition, is an unplanned event. No one wakes up in the morning and drives to work thinking, "I will have an accident today so I'd better buckle up." No one ever climbs to the very top of a ladder and knows for sure they won't fall. That's why it's so important to have a personal commitment to safety; a commitment to do the right things to prevent an accident--or minimize the damage done in case an accident does occur. What is gained by taking a chance? Think about a time when you've risked your personal safety. Have you ever bypassed lockout-tagout procedures? Have you ever driven a car after you had too much to drink? Have you failed to use fall-protection equipment because it was just too much trouble? What did you gain in that situation? A minute of time, an ounce of convenience? Now honestly ask yourself if those gains were worth it. Is a little bit of time or convenience really worth chancing electrocution, a car accident, or a bad fall? Don't sacrifice your healthy future by taking a chance. Every time you're tempted to take a chance with your safety ask yourself if it's really worth the risk. Your family and friends will thank you for making the right decision.

And really, what kind of sick assholes don't put two spaces after each sentence? Check out the page and see for yourself...

Anyway, I read the lines bolded above and I thought to myself, "Yeah, I have taken a safety shortcut every now and then. We were in a rush, or shortstaffed. It was an unnecessary risk, sure, but I thought about it, seemed OK w/the risk. But what would be worth the safety risk? What juice would be worth the squeeze?

Well, at least they died for a good cause.





What cause was that?





Freedom.





Flush out your head gear, new guy. You think we
waste gooks for freedom? This is a slaughter.
If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang.

A good a word as any, if you ask me. Please take note, Ciizen SHoPpers: Let's stay safe out there.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

wow heather graham is hot even when she isn't a porn hag

I was telling Pittsburg(h) Amy yesterday after King Kong that "I don't normally like blondes, but I'll make an exception for Renee Zellweger and Naomi Watts. I couldn't think of the other one, but it was Heather Graham.

Ooh, also Heather Kozar.

<update time="2212">
Also Elisha Cuthbert. And Marisa Miller. And Brett Tomko's wife. Like I was saying. Don't like blondes, but I'll make these exceptions.

Oh, and Pittsburg(h) Amy is a brunette in case you were wondering.
</update>

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

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Live 3am Criticism of Heather Graham's Emily's Reasons Why Not

You are now in chat room "HurtMeHeatherGraham." TioJaime has entered the chat room. TioJaime (8:44:25 PM): hello dere! TioJaime (8:44:37 PM): gonna watch the Premiere of Emily's Reasons Why Not TioJaime (8:44:42 PM): starring Heather Graham TioJaime (8:44:51 PM): who got all kinds of naked in Boogie Nights TioJaime (8:45:03 PM): am gonna be working out in the bg TioJaime (8:45:07 PM): see you in a bit TioJaime (8:56:59 PM): ooh, is wendie malick in this heather graham show? TioJaime (9:00:14 PM): heh Emily Sanders TioJaime (9:01:20 PM): wow nikce shorts TioJaime (9:02:21 PM): yay token fag TioJaime (9:04:11 PM): ooh, hot latina porn star TioJaime (9:05:01 PM): who names a chinese chick "Smith"? TioJaime (9:10:48 PM): wow, i wish i looked that gay so heather graham would go out w/me TioJaime (9:12:01 PM): wow heather graham is hot even when she isn't a porn hag TioJaime (9:13:58 PM): reason #1 when he says he wants to sleep with you he means he wants to SLEEP with you TioJaime (9:15:39 PM): "A Truly Progressive Comedy"? TioJaime (9:15:44 PM): OK that might be worth a half-hour TioJaime (9:17:25 PM): reason #2 He wears make-up TioJaime (9:17:48 PM): i don't like the fag TioJaime (9:17:57 PM): heh, santa monica TioJaime (9:18:24 PM): reason #3. Martha. Stewart. SUBSCRIPTION TioJaime (9:21:16 PM): Reason #4. Brazilian Jujutsu. It's like the GAYEST sport ever TioJaime (9:21:35 PM): Reason #5. If your gay friend thinks he's gay, he's gay. TioJaime (9:24:29 PM): ooh wendie malick next! TioJaime (9:25:02 PM): Reason #5: If your token fag thinks he's a gay, he's a gay. TioJaime (9:25:33 PM): he's a doctor and a bachelor? TioJaime (9:25:37 PM): oh yay, paris TioJaime (9:25:50 PM): "coffin of gayness pretty much nailed shut" TioJaime (9:27:13 PM): ha ha he's not gay, he's mormon TioJaime (9:28:47 PM): he blipped on the gaydar TioJaime (9:29:57 PM): i missed what the thing said about the book TioJaime (9:30:01 PM): yay jake in progress TioJaime (9:30:17 PM): wendie malick! TioJaime (9:31:28 PM): goddam wendie malick's hot TioJaime (9:32:48 PM): ooh boyshorts TioJaime (9:33:33 PM): ooh boyshorts TioJaime (9:33:44 PM): ooh wendie malick TioJaime (9:34:47 PM): oh this isn't a new show TioJaime has left the chat room.

FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Happy Kwan-Jimmy! There are seven days until MLK day, so here's the first principle...

Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.

The operative word here is try. Because every once in a while, it'll work. And then slowly, Kwan-Jimmy will be phased out. Won't that be nice?

What other holiday aims to abolish itself? The only thing that comes to mind is the Libertarian candidate for Lieutenant Governor. And even then, that's not a holiday.

Betrayal of the struggle (Walter Williams, 14 December 2005)
Family secrets
blackpundit.com

The beauty of Kwan-Jimmy? Everybody can do it! Even me, as an oriental!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

I cannot remember being this pleased with quiz results!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Nothing new here.
Thurs-dee Quizzes!
Who'da Thunk?
Lose your face, lose your name, / Then get fitted for a suit of flame
Fri-dee mornings with the Snark!
OK now this is my kinda quiz!
Snark-blogging
I love the smell of SHoP in the morning
I wish our bandwidth got knocked out every once in a while...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

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Your Stipper Song Is

The Bad Touch by the Bloodhound Gang "Sweat, baby, sweat, baby sex is a Texas drought Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about" When it comes to dancing, you let your freak flag fly!

What Song Should You Strip To?

From Caltechgirl. And at the risk of alienating a fellow Californian, how 'bout them Trojuns?

Although this does bring up a good topic. If you were a stripper, to what song would you dance onstage? No, let's make this a little more intelligent. What two songs would you pick for your two-song set? Comment below with your quiz results a/o your two-song sets.

And for those of you who have never frequented a Zoo, no problem! Just use your imagination.

And at the risk of jinxing ourselves and inviting trolls, this is an apolitical post. Think "bgcolor=khaki". Leftist degenerates too can contribute to this entertaining post! I don't wanna go out on a limb and say that you're cordially invited, but let's just say that you won't gain our immediate scorn for participating. Fair enough?

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

you can't spell Betting on College Sports without BCS!

So here's what Tio Jaime's research finds:

Texas +7
U$C moneyline

Don't ask what the research consisted of, because you'll laugh. And then all of you will go out and buy duck eggs and pop tarts and then how the fuck will I be able to-- well, I've said too much already...

Unfortunately, stupid Visa won't let me make a deposit with bodog. So i can't put money down on the game. WTF.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)
Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude)

<update time="2242" texas="41" U$C="38">

</update>

<update time="2316">
Two chats w/fellow golden bears. Both hailing from Southern California. Home of the SECOND PLACE U$C Trojuns

Here. Here's your goddam Berkeley diversity right here. [grabs crotch, shakes]
10:47 PM TioJaime: updated SHoP post w/a pic LMHBrent: hahah LMHBrent: the whole game i was wearing a longhorns jersey and cap TioJaime: GOOD LMHBrent: yeah dude TioJaime: i don't care about pac-10 representation LMHBrent: even though i'm starting classes at $C on monday, i know my horns would win TioJaime: i hate $C LMHBrent: hook 'em! TioJaime: hook me! LMHBrent: you are SOGGY TioJaime: i will be the hookee TioJaime: and the longhorn cheerleaders can be the hook... ers TioJaime: YESH LMHBrent: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA LMHBrent: ROFL LMHBrent: OMG LMHBrent: that was too funny LMHBrent: post this on the shop LMHBrent: j/k j/k TioJaime: OK good 10:50 PM TioJaime: i'm feeling lazy tonight TioJaime: too much fucking work to put that pic up already TioJaime: i just wanna listen to the radio LMHBrent: it's coo
10:43 PM TioJaime: http://sixhertz.blogspot.com/2006/01/you-cant-spell-betting-on-college.html ProfShewseffi: im so fucking mad ProfShewseffi: i cant believe texas won ProfShewseffi: fuck this shit TioJaime: oh you're from SoCal, huh? ProfShewseffi: NO ProfShewseffi: dood ProfShewseffi: How can you forgive texas?!?! TioJaime: i'm sorry... i cannot in good conscience cheer for $C ProfShewseffi: what?!?!?! ProfShewseffi: after what TEXAS DID TO US LAST YEAR!!!??! TioJaime: dude, we did that to ourselves TioJaime: our ranking was inflated ProfShewseffi: NO ProfShewseffi: fuck that shit ProfShewseffi: i dont give a shit ProfShewseffi: i dont root for SC ProfShewseffi: but i fucking HATE texas TioJaime: OK good ProfShewseffi: with a passion ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: HATE ProfShewseffi: fuck mack brown ProfShewseffi: i cannot believe you are not against Texas TioJaime: i just like george w. bush 10:45 PM TioJaime: and bay aryans up here hate texas becasue of that TioJaime: and even then, if i did hate texas, i wouldn't hate them as much as U$C ProfShewseffi: but USC represents the pac10 TioJaime: ahh still TioJaime: i was a golden bear before i knew what the pac-10 was TioJaime: and cal was there before the pac10 ProfShewseffi: they were our only hope ProfShewseffi: to give the pac 10 any credibility ProfShewseffi: ppl have been doggin the pac10 ProfShewseffi: for so long ProfShewseffi: dogging oregon's loss TioJaime: i guess i don't really care about pac-10 credibility... TioJaime: i stopped caring after 1) we almost lost to BYU and 2) i couldn't place bets on tonight's game on bodog.com ProfShewseffi: hHAhaHAhaH! 10:50 PM TioJaime: fucking visa... won't let me charge my account for offshore betting TioJaime: whatta bunch of pigfuckers ProfShewseffi: HAHAHHAA! TioJaime: and you can't spell pigfuckers w/o U$C ProfShewseffi: fuck TEXAS! ProfShewseffi: AARGH~!

LMHBrent lived in Texas after leaving Seattle. It probably rubbed one out off on him (heh) while he was there. Professor Shewseffi is neither a professor nor the foul combination of our Soil Mechanics and AutoCAD professors from Civil Engineering at Cal.
</update>

Not doing so well on my New Year's Resolution, am I?

I'm gonna stop fucking off at work so much in this our beloved 2006.

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Late to the Table

Two things, which i'm already late posting, seeing as to how it's almost noon on the east coast...

1) Had a dream last night. I was in The Da Vinci Code. Closer to the end, I think I was one of the characters? Although it wasn't Tom Hanks or Jean Reno, since I could see them from where I was standing.

Ooh, and Audrey Tautou was there too. She's dreamy.

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2) Here's one of the funniest blonde jokes I've ever seen. I suppose there's a little bit of blonde in all of us.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

home at last, home at last thankGod almighty i'm home at last

drunk.

exhausted.

happynew year

30 wepm

30 words-per-minute

tio j