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The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.
EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.
Intended publish date of 15 January 2006
Before you get pissed at my made up holiday, ask yourself which principles will help black people more, Kwanzaa's or Kwan-Jimmy's? Sure, mine are a little harsh and uncouth and politically incorrect, but they're more widely applicable. And I guarantee my holiday to make itself obsolete if followed correctly.
Happy Kwan-Jimmy,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
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