See? I'm not always the bad cop.

Well, in this case it wasn't Good Cop/Bad Cop. It was more Bad Cop/Really Bad Cop.

bonus to you if you are able to name the brand of picante sauce we're referring to at the end. no prizes, just the satisfaction of knowing that you are one with the SHoP

yay for the short work week,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

old chat from 05 May

Minitrue (9:26:00 AM): boy, do I piss people off, or what? :D JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:26:06 AM): so that *was* you? Minitrue (9:26:13 AM): maaayyyyyybe JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:26:24 AM): ohhh creepy shit, now i have this sick feeling of deja vu Minitrue (9:26:26 AM): This shit is bananas. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:26:37 AM): LOL Minitrue (9:26:43 AM): B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Minitrue (9:27:23 AM): well, I figured she'd like it! It's two women engaging in a tolerant act of lesbianism. Minitrue (9:27:27 AM): and fruit. Minitrue (9:27:39 AM): all good for liber-tards. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:27:52 AM): that's very tolerant Minitrue (9:27:58 AM): exactly! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:09 AM): who wouldn't appreciate such an act of tolerance Minitrue (9:28:19 AM): and you have a minority female singer in the background! Tolerance city! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:26 AM): except a liber-tard nazi thug JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:34 AM): whoo-wee! Minitrue (9:28:38 AM): haha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:44 AM): what singer? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:47 AM): did i miss that part? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:55 AM): was there sound? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:59 AM): not taht i can really check here @ work Minitrue (9:29:20 AM): oh, I guess Gwen Stefani is the one who sings that crap. Minitrue (9:29:25 AM): (just looked it up) Minitrue (9:29:43 AM): yeah, the sound repeats itself over and over in the flash video. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:29:53 AM): lemme check it out again Minitrue (9:29:54 AM): the chorus verse from that song. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:32:02 AM): OK i couldn't keep it open for too long here JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:32:06 AM): even though nobody's in teh office Minitrue (9:32:37 AM): hahah JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:07 AM): is that a new song? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:17 AM): and i'm thinking about it now.... oh God that's hilarious Minitrue (9:33:27 AM): Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani Minitrue (9:33:31 AM): it's retarded. Minitrue (9:33:36 AM): but it has a catchy tune JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:33:47 AM): AND WTF SHE KEEPS YOUR LINK UP BUT SHE TAKES MINE DOWN?!? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:34:02 AM): (please to be ignoring the html tags) Minitrue (9:35:09 AM): You hear of the explosions in NYC? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:20 AM): read the headlines, but been a bit busy here @ work JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:22 AM): yay work Minitrue (9:35:25 AM): NYC police are questioning a UN WORKER! Minitrue (9:35:31 AM): FROM THE NETHERLANDS! Minitrue (9:35:51 AM): I bet the bastard was whacked out on some Netherlands-grade marijuana. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:53 AM): i thought europeans were more enlightened than us dumb americans JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:36:05 AM): D-U-M-Dumb! Minitrue (9:36:19 AM): Abolish the UN time. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:07 AM): eh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:09 AM): too little too late JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:24 AM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:50 AM): "The UN is run by people from New York City!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:55 AM): "NEW YORK CITY!?!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:37:59 AM): "Get a rope." Minitrue (9:38:00 AM): Get a rope! Minitrue (9:38:03 AM): haha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:17 AM): oh man JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:24 AM): it's funny, because it's true JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:31 AM): yes, i advocate executing the UN JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:49:36 AM): brb DUMPCON 3

SHoP shit-shooting from a week-and-a-half ago

SixHertz and I were chatting about his parking tickets i think... there's a link below

more chats to follow

enjoy,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

JihadJimmyCDF = Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith
SixHertz = Ministry of Truth

JihadJimmyCDF (3:11:26 PM): I wanna kiss you all over JihadJimmyCDF (3:11:29 PM): All over and again JihadJimmyCDF (3:11:33 PM): I wanna kiss you all over JihadJimmyCDF (3:11:39 PM): Till the night closes in! JihadJimmyCDF (3:11:47 PM): (Till the night closes in!) SixHertz (3:12:11 PM): no tank yo. JihadJimmyCDF (3:12:16 PM): hey JihadJimmyCDF (3:12:22 PM): did you watch the rosie o'donnel tard movie? SixHertz (3:12:29 PM): the clip, yeah JihadJimmyCDF (3:12:30 PM): there's a good soundclip to be made SixHertz (3:12:33 PM): it's friggin' RIDICULOUS! JihadJimmyCDF (3:12:43 PM): where she's at the toilet seats and she goes "Thank you!" SixHertz (3:12:58 PM): hahahah JihadJimmyCDF (3:52:26 PM): WTF, does *nobody* recognize the Lynndie England? JihadJimmyCDF (3:52:39 PM): *you* recognized it when you first saw me do it on the golf course, right? SixHertz (3:52:40 PM): I dunno...how are you determining this? SixHertz (3:52:43 PM): shit yeah JihadJimmyCDF (3:53:01 PM): everybody who i show the pics to asks me, "What's Lynndie?" SixHertz (3:54:19 PM): I dunno, dude. People just aren't up with the current events. JihadJimmyCDF (3:57:23 PM): hey can you extract sounds from that rosie clip? SixHertz (3:58:04 PM): yeah. You have to have recording software, I think. JihadJimmyCDF (3:58:16 PM): you have anything like that? JihadJimmyCDF (3:58:22 PM): oh wait, is it in QT as well? SixHertz (3:58:36 PM): don't remember JihadJimmyCDF (3:59:41 PM): i'm watching it again JihadJimmyCDF (3:59:44 PM): what a pukeffest JihadJimmyCDF (4:06:08 PM): wow Rosie O'Donell makes me want to have hot, passionate sex with a wood chipper SixHertz (4:06:16 PM): LOL JihadJimmyCDF (4:06:27 PM): put that on the sidebar SixHertz (4:06:41 PM): haha JihadJimmyCDF (4:06:50 PM): you show your woman the pics? SixHertz (4:07:06 PM): The quote has to appear in the SHoP first. SixHertz (4:07:08 PM): and, yes. SixHertz (4:07:10 PM): she liked them. SixHertz (4:07:52 PM): She wants to come down with a bunch of her girlfriends during T's cousin's B-day (and my B-Day) JihadJimmyCDF (4:08:01 PM): since this is gonna get SHoPped, here's a link to the Rosie "movie" JihadJimmyCDF (4:09:23 PM): http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/television_specials/000761.php JihadJimmyCDF (4:09:40 PM): they have a link to a liveblog too SixHertz (4:10:23 PM): brb--restarting. SixHertz signed off at 4:10:37 PM. SixHertz signed on at 4:12:34 PM. JihadJimmyCDF (4:18:31 PM): you have pics of aforementioned GFs? JihadJimmyCDF (4:18:40 PM): rather, GF's GFs JihadJimmyCDF (4:18:56 PM): well shit now i've confused myself SixHertz (4:19:03 PM): Well, they're cute, single, and some are republicans. SixHertz (4:19:30 PM): BTW, mine thinks you are awesome for that Jamba Juice incident. JihadJimmyCDF (4:19:36 PM): LOL JihadJimmyCDF (4:19:41 PM): forgot that i told you about that JihadJimmyCDF (4:19:50 PM): send her to the SHoP, there's tons more where that came from JihadJimmyCDF (4:20:12 PM): i only wish that the motherfucker was there to see me do it SixHertz (4:20:12 PM): she already knows about it. SixHertz (4:20:17 PM): haha JihadJimmyCDF (4:20:28 PM): see? what does that say about my guerilla republicanism? JihadJimmyCDF (4:20:37 PM): that i don't care if it's out in the open? JihadJimmyCDF (4:20:41 PM): man JihadJimmyCDF (4:20:47 PM): that's hardcore JihadJimmyCDF (4:21:31 PM): ooh, you enviro-bastards set fire to SUVs in the cover of night? JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:01 PM): well Ok i rescind that JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:10 PM): those crazy fuckers are true eco-terrorists JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:16 PM): i'm just a nuisance SixHertz (4:22:30 PM): true...nothing crazy from you. JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:35 PM): well JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:46 PM): nothing bonda fide felonious JihadJimmyCDF (4:22:56 PM): borderline felonious, but even then, not recently SixHertz (4:23:02 PM): haha JihadJimmyCDF (4:23:03 PM): definitely misdemeanorriffic SixHertz (4:23:05 PM): small claims SixHertz (4:23:13 PM): speaking of, you see my dilemma? JihadJimmyCDF (4:23:19 PM): no SixHertz (4:23:23 PM): and the veritable instance of horse manure it is? SixHertz (4:23:32 PM): Look at the SHoP. JihadJimmyCDF (4:23:33 PM): not following you here, skipper JihadJimmyCDF (4:23:40 PM): OK standby SixHertz (4:24:48 PM): holy crap, I'm tired. JihadJimmyCDF (4:24:54 PM): shit that sucks SixHertz (4:24:56 PM): damn flu/cold. JihadJimmyCDF (4:25:02 PM): yeah fuck it all to hell JihadJimmyCDF (4:25:10 PM): fuck parking... SixHertz (4:25:16 PM): yah JihadJimmyCDF (4:25:17 PM): and i almost used a racial epithet JihadJimmyCDF (4:25:27 PM): but that's probably only particular to oakland parking enforcement JihadJimmyCDF (4:25:36 PM): man, i wanna slash their tires so bad SixHertz is away at 4:38:18 PM.

Fri-dee quizzes!

Got this quiz rom caltechgirl...

What military aircraft are you? F-15 Eagle You are an F-15. Your record in combat is spotless; you've never been defeated. You possess good looks, but are not flashy about it. You prefer to let your reputation do the talking. You are fast, agile, and loud, but reaching the end of your stardom.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Shit. I was hoping for a KC-10 or a KC-135. I've been pretty flatulent lately.

TMI? moving on...

Oh, sweet! Where does she get those wonderful toys? again, courtesy of caltechgirl

OK so far, so dumb. Let's hope this gets better. No fault of CTG, mind you. These quizzes tend to be dumb. And no, I'm not writing one because it will end up being dumb.

I... Iodine You scored 61 Mass, 51 Electronegativity, 29 Metal, and 10 Radioactivity!

You're the misunderstood super-star. You demand that the people of the world throw you upon their collective shoulder, march you down to the halls of the greats, imprint your hand into wet-cement, and then retreat to stare adoringly at you from afar. The terrible thing about this is that you have the talent to inspire this reaction in people, but you cannot bring yourself to get up on the stage. This is because you insist that the world should come to you, and you can't bear the idea that you would have to sell yourself... and so you are doomed to a small, but loyal, following for all eternity. You probably have an affinity for potatoes.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 95% on Mass You scored higher than 93% on Electroneg You scored higher than 6% on Metal You scored higher than 40% on Radioactivity

Link: The Which Chemical Element Am I Test written by effataigus on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Whoa. I do like potatoes! Other than that, there's a reason we civil engineers only had to take Chem 1A.

digging back into CTG's archives, here's a good republican quiz...

---

PLACE BETS NOW

What will Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith score on the Republican Quiz?

a) 91% - 100%
b) 81% - 90%
c) 71% - 80%
d) 61% - 70%
e) 60% and below

BETTING ENDS

---

Let's try this again, shall we? digging back into CTG's archives, here's a good republican quiz...

OH BOGUS! ALL YOU DAMN REPUBLICANS ATE UP THIS DUDE'S BANDWIDTH!

What the shit!?! And look how much damn effort i put into this, what with the Banzai! bit. Dammit. And with that, I think i've relaxed CTGirl's supply of quizzes for now. Lemme check out the House of Snark. She's always good for a couple of good quizzes. And she still has cute hair.

Oh good deal, I knew I'd find one. C'mon pecan!


find your inner PIE @ stvlive.com

DAMMIT. And now i'm hungry.

And a special SHoP suggestion to those quiz authors who failed to close html tags...



enjoy the long weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of The Amazing Race 7, season finale! FUCK YOU BOSTON ROB

Sorry this took so long. Work’s been pretty busy.

Enjoy,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Season Finale of The Amazing Race 7

You are now in chat room “tar7finale.” Poke00210 has entered the chat room. Poke00210 (8:08:59 PM): hello dere Poke00210 (8:09:12 PM): after a little over a week, i'm finally getting aroudn to watching the finale of The Amazing Race 7 Poke00210 (8:09:23 PM): the one where uChenna and joyce beat the rob-tard Poke00210 (8:09:27 PM): lemme pee first Poke00210 (8:09:32 PM): and then get some of lola's brownies Poke00210 (8:09:46 PM): and then pop open a yummy bud light Poke00210 (8:09:48 PM): yay! Poke00210 (8:09:50 PM): brb Poke00210 (8:12:44 PM): OK here we go Poke00210 (8:13:12 PM): Previously on TAR Poke00210 (8:13:17 PM): 11 teams set out from long beach, CA Poke00210 (8:13:57 PM): ryan and chuck first team eliminated Poke00210 (8:14:06 PM): are they gonna go through all the eliminations Poke00210 (8:14:23 PM): oh the brothers! Poke00210 (8:14:41 PM): we're gonna be here awhile Poke00210 (8:14:49 PM): what a rob-tard Poke00210 (8:14:56 PM): STFU Poke00210 (8:15:00 PM): wow that was fast Poke00210 (8:15:29 PM): great Poke00210 (8:15:35 PM): heh ray and deana Poke00210 (8:15:45 PM): MILFag Poke00210 (8:16:12 PM): OK beer 1 open Poke00210 (8:16:20 PM): intro too long Poke00210 (8:16:22 PM): TOO LONG Poke00210 (8:16:28 PM): the brothers!! Poke00210 (8:16:58 PM): nice job dudes, they philiminated ray and deana Poke00210 (8:17:10 PM): oh hi kelly boobs Poke00210 (8:17:40 PM): nice job team shooting blancks Poke00210 (8:17:46 PM): this was such a shitty season Poke00210 (8:17:52 PM): couldn't even get good names for teh teams Poke00210 (8:18:06 PM): oh they're showing the POW/commitment again Poke00210 (8:18:15 PM): wow what a dumbass C.U.N.T. Poke00210 (8:18:54 PM): I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SAYING Poke00210 (8:19:04 PM): cool, i liked meredith and gretchen Poke00210 (8:19:12 PM): although i thought there were better old teams Poke00210 (8:19:17 PM): A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING Poke00210 (8:19:21 PM): A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING! Poke00210 (8:19:32 PM): A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING A! MAZE! ING! AMAZING Poke00210 (8:19:36 PM): A! MAZING RCE! Poke00210 (8:19:40 PM): A! MAZING RACE! Poke00210 (8:19:43 PM): A! MAZING RACE! Poke00210 (8:19:46 PM): A! MAZE! ING! Poke00210 (8:19:49 PM): AMAZING! Poke00210 (8:19:53 PM): A! MAZE! ING! Poke00210 (8:19:54 PM): AMAZING! Poke00210 (8:20:28 PM): yay for beer Poke00210 (8:20:43 PM): yay for elvis Poke00210 (8:20:47 PM): This is London, England Poke00210 (8:21:02 PM): Potters field park Poke00210 (8:21:24 PM): uChenna and Joyce! Poke00210 (8:21:27 PM): i hope they win Poke00210 (8:21:28 PM): heh Poke00210 (8:21:31 PM): rob-tard Poke00210 (8:21:37 PM): first to depart 2:47am Poke00210 (8:21:46 PM): kingston, jamaica Poke00210 (8:21:50 PM): find Frenchman's Cove Poke00210 (8:22:07 PM): oh, were you in Survivor? Poke00210 (8:22:10 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP Poke00210 (8:22:43 PM): Poke00210 (8:22:47 PM): wow that was long Poke00210 (8:23:04 PM): oh she's a pageant queen and a ballerina Poke00210 (8:23:09 PM): oh you were in the military? Poke00210 (8:23:14 PM): were you, perhaps, a POW? Poke00210 (8:23:34 PM): uChenna and Joyce Poke00210 (8:23:40 PM): $630 for this leg of the race Poke00210 (8:23:51 PM): i wonder if they'll have a pit stop in the middle of the finale Poke00210 (8:24:07 PM): oh uChenna dude, i bet your chances are better than 1 in 3 Poke00210 (8:24:11 PM): call me crazy Poke00210 (8:24:21 PM): ooh big english chick Poke00210 (8:24:49 PM): and he's bitching about the cab Poke00210 (8:24:50 PM): hmm Poke00210 (8:24:54 PM): could say something right now Poke00210 (8:24:57 PM): but i'll refrain Poke00210 (8:25:00 PM): Happy Vicetivus Poke00210 (8:25:10 PM): and now they're discussing marriage Poke00210 (8:25:48 PM): well they have plenty of time before the Air Jamaica flight, sure talk about marriage Poke00210 (8:25:59 PM): hey put some makeup on Poke00210 (8:26:19 PM): oh she's pissed Poke00210 (8:26:27 PM): non-stop to kingston jamaica Poke00210 (8:26:37 PM): i will refrain from "mon" unless one of the dumbass teams says it first Poke00210 (8:27:35 PM): A Roadblock isa task that only one person may perform Poke00210 (8:28:35 PM): BABY go fast BABY Poke00210 (8:28:44 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU RETARDED BOSTONIAN FUCK Poke00210 (8:28:53 PM): oh, they're limbo-ing Poke00210 (8:29:33 PM): perhaps kelly should do this in the nude Poke00210 (8:29:45 PM): oh and amber as well Poke00210 (8:29:52 PM): too bad she's a tard Poke00210 (8:30:04 PM): teams will spend the night at frenchman's cove Poke00210 (8:30:10 PM): proceed to Grants level Poke00210 (8:30:43 PM): good job BABY Poke00210 (8:30:47 PM): c'mon joyce Poke00210 (8:30:50 PM): aww Poke00210 (8:31:06 PM): OK uChenna/joyce leave @ 830 Poke00210 (8:31:10 PM): eh, don't sweat it Poke00210 (8:31:34 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BOSTONIAN FUCK Poke00210 (8:32:01 PM): and fuck you baby bob, dont' think your shittiness escaped me Poke00210 (8:32:22 PM): 815, let's go BABY Poke00210 (8:32:41 PM): SHUT THE FUCK UP Poke00210 (8:32:46 PM): I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL YOU FUCKING LOSE Poke00210 (8:33:08 PM): oh it's 15 minutes Poke00210 (8:33:10 PM): you'll be fine Poke00210 (8:33:16 PM): turn off the dramatic TAR music already Poke00210 (8:33:18 PM): assholes Poke00210 (8:33:31 PM): A Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons Poke00210 (8:33:36 PM): Raft It or Build It Poke00210 (8:33:48 PM): navigate a raft Poke00210 (8:34:02 PM): umm, yeah right Poke00210 (8:34:08 PM): whoa, they're building? Poke00210 (8:34:20 PM): 8 miles is long, but dude, good luck building Poke00210 (8:34:46 PM): OK maybe it wouldn't be so hard to build Poke00210 (8:34:55 PM): provided you're not kelly's partner Poke00210 (8:35:10 PM): oh you'll be fine, becaus kelly's a dumbtard Poke00210 (8:35:21 PM): good deal, use the gloves uChenna Poke00210 (8:35:23 PM): you tard Poke00210 (8:35:33 PM): aren't you a construction foreman? Poke00210 (8:35:57 PM): The last time i built one of these was oh, Never. Poke00210 (8:35:58 PM): heh Poke00210 (8:36:07 PM): oh great Poke00210 (8:36:09 PM): Survivor Poke00210 (8:36:22 PM): nice job convincing me never to watch that shitty show again Poke00210 (8:36:33 PM): and realize that i'm kinda wary about TAR now Poke00210 (8:36:38 PM): ooh, amber bending over Poke00210 (8:37:02 PM): uChenna and Joyce, dude Poke00210 (8:37:04 PM): do the dew Poke00210 (8:37:17 PM): smart-a Poke00210 (8:37:43 PM): and now he's makign fun of kelly Poke00210 (8:37:54 PM): oh did they fuck it up? Poke00210 (8:38:02 PM): did they attach something that wasn't supposed to be there? Poke00210 (8:38:10 PM): nice job Poke00210 (8:38:43 PM): yeah because you wired something huh Poke00210 (8:38:56 PM): OK and now uChenna and Joyce are doing the c'mon baby now Poke00210 (8:39:00 PM): fuck i hate this season Poke00210 (8:39:27 PM): nice job uChenna and Joyce Poke00210 (8:39:31 PM): dude, they're a quality team Poke00210 (8:39:36 PM): remember Chip/Useless? Poke00210 (8:39:45 PM): yeah Joyce is a way better teammate Poke00210 (8:40:03 PM): travel by taxi to next pit stop Poke00210 (8:40:08 PM): Montego Bay, Jamaica Poke00210 (8:40:20 PM): oh please please please take away ron and kelly's money Poke00210 (8:40:46 PM): ooh they're gonna beatthe rob-tard Poke00210 (8:40:48 PM): fuck that guy Poke00210 (8:40:51 PM): i hate that bastard Poke00210 (8:40:58 PM): and i'd like to be orally pleasured by kelly Poke00210 (8:41:00 PM): sure Poke00210 (8:41:05 PM): ooh she had a lumpy butt Poke00210 (8:41:25 PM): i'll let that good job BABY slide Poke00210 (8:42:05 PM): what a pigfucker Poke00210 (8:42:09 PM): OK ha ha Poke00210 (8:42:13 PM): making the rob-tard wait Poke00210 (8:42:23 PM): ha ha Poke00210 (8:42:29 PM): whoa how did ron and kelly catch up? Poke00210 (8:42:54 PM): it's a traffic JAMaica Poke00210 (8:43:10 PM): wait Poke00210 (8:43:13 PM): had to rewind Poke00210 (8:43:17 PM): did rob get pulled over? Poke00210 (8:43:19 PM): oops too much Poke00210 (8:44:00 PM): it's a traffic JAMaica Poke00210 (8:44:26 PM): heh they got pulled over! Poke00210 (8:44:29 PM): fuck you rob-tard Poke00210 (8:44:34 PM): oh please take their money away Poke00210 (8:44:43 PM): ooh hi kelly boob Poke00210 (8:44:49 PM): i'd like to lick her boobs Poke00210 (8:44:55 PM): ha ha Poke00210 (8:44:59 PM): too bad you're a bastard Poke00210 (8:45:01 PM): ha ha Poke00210 (8:45:12 PM): no, you're being a cockmaster is gonna cost youa million bucks Poke00210 (8:45:33 PM): ooh, Cinderella Man! Poke00210 (8:45:37 PM): um, NO Poke00210 (8:46:06 PM): ha ha, you're an asshole and you're sad Poke00210 (8:46:11 PM): please to be fucking yourself Poke00210 (8:46:15 PM): uh oh Poke00210 (8:46:31 PM): uChenna and joyce getting a flat? Poke00210 (8:46:41 PM): wow you're a cock Poke00210 (8:46:44 PM): oh shit Poke00210 (8:46:58 PM): shit Poke00210 (8:47:03 PM): oh they're not gonna win Poke00210 (8:47:14 PM): yes, uChenna and Joyce could still catch up w/you Poke00210 (8:47:31 PM): Ya, mon Poke00210 (8:47:40 PM): (said the taxi driver) Poke00210 (8:47:54 PM): OK joyce is pised Poke00210 (8:48:00 PM): did ron just say ya mon? Poke00210 (8:48:19 PM): oh the driver said Ya, mon Poke00210 (8:49:15 PM): shit Poke00210 (8:49:18 PM): that's it mon Poke00210 (8:49:37 PM): are they on a golf course or something? Poke00210 (8:49:46 PM): oh Cottage 16 Poke00210 (8:50:03 PM): whoa Ron and Kelly Poke00210 (8:50:05 PM): team #1 Poke00210 (8:50:12 PM): i guess i wasn't watching too closely Poke00210 (8:50:21 PM): rob-tard, amber team #2 Poke00210 (8:50:44 PM): uChennar and Joyce, last team to arrive Poke00210 (8:50:53 PM): pleased to tell you this is a non-elimination leg Poke00210 (8:50:54 PM): no shit Poke00210 (8:51:01 PM): ooh take all the money away Poke00210 (8:51:53 PM): next leg in just a few minutes Poke00210 (8:53:01 PM): wow this beer is takin ga long time Poke00210 (8:53:58 PM): montego bay Poke00210 (8:54:15 PM): ron/kelly first to depart at 237am Poke00210 (8:54:31 PM): travel to Lucea, Jamaica an dpick up 50 onions Poke00210 (8:54:49 PM): ooh kelly kleavage Poke00210 (8:55:06 PM): the Lord has granted you wonderful kleavage Poke00210 (8:55:52 PM): rob-tard 2nd to depart 2:38am Poke00210 (8:56:08 PM): hmm, somewhat of a continuity error there Poke00210 (8:56:14 PM): yeah try to split the cab Poke00210 (8:56:15 PM): cock Poke00210 (8:56:52 PM): ooh yeah everything in the white bags Poke00210 (8:56:58 PM): and i forgot a STFU for rob Poke00210 (8:57:23 PM): no money at 237am? Poke00210 (8:57:24 PM): that sucks Poke00210 (8:57:29 PM): oh uchenna/joyce 3rd to depart Poke00210 (8:57:37 PM): befor ethey win 1 million dollars Poke00210 (8:58:27 PM): kelly kleavage! Poke00210 (8:58:44 PM): going to a jerk shack Poke00210 (8:58:49 PM): how fitting Poke00210 (8:59:09 PM): oh yes Poke00210 (8:59:29 PM): oh they have to beg at the airport and then find the onions Poke00210 (8:59:31 PM): wow that sucks Poke00210 (8:59:37 PM): oh they'll be fine Poke00210 (9:01:24 PM): "oh look, this negro is going to dance for us!" Poke00210 (9:01:34 PM): what a bunch of cocks Poke00210 (9:01:44 PM): don't cry million dollar momma Poke00210 (9:02:08 PM): fuck you gnome Poke00210 (9:02:50 PM): dave was throwing nacho cheese and superballs off the roof Poke00210 (9:02:54 PM): that's fucking rad Poke00210 (9:02:57 PM): ooh vegas Poke00210 (9:03:06 PM): oh just keep begging Poke00210 (9:03:24 PM): that sucks Poke00210 (9:03:38 PM): do the dew uChenna man Poke00210 (9:03:52 PM): kelly kleavage Poke00210 (9:04:04 PM): sucks that i only picked up on that in the last episode Poke00210 (9:04:37 PM): oh sweet Poke00210 (9:04:44 PM): they're using their blackt0r mind bullets! Poke00210 (9:04:55 PM): ooh amber has slut earrings Poke00210 (9:05:06 PM): wow it took them that long to chop onions? Poke00210 (9:05:12 PM): proceed to Rose Hall Poke00210 (9:05:18 PM): a former plantation house Poke00210 (9:05:42 PM): alright 50 onions! Poke00210 (9:05:46 PM): kelly kleavage Poke00210 (9:06:07 PM): OK it took me an entire season, but i'm on board with the kelly kleavage Poke00210 (9:06:33 PM): and really, i've said it before Poke00210 (9:06:38 PM): why have gimmicks on TAR? Poke00210 (9:06:44 PM): if anything, have a TAR all-stars Poke00210 (9:06:48 PM): that'd be cool Poke00210 (9:07:00 PM): but not a shitty celebrity thing or a family thing... Poke00210 (9:07:01 PM): hint, hint Poke00210 (9:07:19 PM): A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons Poke00210 (9:07:23 PM): that's fucked up Poke00210 (9:07:38 PM): what if you drown your horse Poke00210 (9:08:01 PM): oh they're doing the golf Poke00210 (9:08:12 PM): oh you've had golf lessons? you wack-- oh, wait Poke00210 (9:08:22 PM): yeah i probably would've chosen the swimming horses Poke00210 (9:08:27 PM): fuck you rob tard Poke00210 (9:08:34 PM): ow we're not showing amber changing Poke00210 (9:08:43 PM): oh you'll be fine Poke00210 (9:09:01 PM): Ya, mon, I know that Poke00210 (9:09:14 PM): wow you're a cock Poke00210 (9:09:21 PM): "That sucked." Poke00210 (9:09:39 PM): wow she did a jimmy shot Poke00210 (9:09:51 PM): Jimmy-golf! Poke00210 (9:10:32 PM): that's a shitty task for the finale Poke00210 (9:10:34 PM): chopping onions? Poke00210 (9:10:39 PM): wait 140 yards? Poke00210 (9:10:44 PM): that's hard Poke00210 (9:10:49 PM): in Jimmy golf Poke00210 (9:10:58 PM): oh only one person has to do it Poke00210 (9:11:09 PM): fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico Poke00210 (9:11:16 PM): drive to some wacky spanish fort Poke00210 (9:11:57 PM): dude, wha ta quality team Poke00210 (9:12:07 PM): not like the NY Jews who fucking quit in the middle of the desert Poke00210 (9:12:14 PM): whoa kelly did it Poke00210 (9:12:32 PM): yay for kelly Poke00210 (9:12:35 PM): yay for kleavage Poke00210 (9:13:02 PM): ha ha fuck you Poke00210 (9:13:09 PM): ha ha Poke00210 (9:13:13 PM): FUCK YOU BOSTARD Poke00210 (9:13:20 PM): OH HA HA Poke00210 (9:13:26 PM): OH MAN THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE SEASON Poke00210 (9:14:00 PM): oh there's still quite a ways to go in this episode Poke00210 (9:14:36 PM): this way BABY Poke00210 (9:14:54 PM): yay for Rob Mariano Poke00210 (9:14:56 PM): what a pigfucker Poke00210 (9:15:13 PM): 1st flight to san juan Poke00210 (9:15:22 PM): ha ha you little brains must've been getting excited Poke00210 (9:15:33 PM): wow i wanna hump kelly now Poke00210 (9:15:41 PM): but i think that's because really there's nothing else left to look at Poke00210 (9:15:43 PM): Rose Hall Poke00210 (9:15:49 PM): Ya, mon Poke00210 (9:15:56 PM): joyce kleavage Poke00210 (9:15:59 PM): hmm Poke00210 (9:16:06 PM): oh they're in san juan already Poke00210 (9:16:10 PM): too bad they're gonna fucking lose Poke00210 (9:16:13 PM): FUCKING LOSE Poke00210 (9:16:45 PM): oh yesh uChenna's been practicing Poke00210 (9:17:05 PM): Drive yourself to the town of Aguadilla, Puerto Rico Poke00210 (9:17:33 PM): ron and kelly Poke00210 (9:17:36 PM): 2nd flight to San Juan Poke00210 (9:17:43 PM): and kelly was fucking around w/her kleavage Poke00210 (9:17:54 PM): wow Poke00210 (9:17:56 PM): 3rd try Poke00210 (9:18:00 PM): nice job, goddamit Poke00210 (9:18:06 PM): San Juan, PR! Poke00210 (9:18:16 PM): did she steal the clohtes? Poke00210 (9:18:53 PM): wow they're behind quite a bit of time Poke00210 (9:19:10 PM): cool they got some money Poke00210 (9:19:17 PM): i think their flight left Poke00210 (9:19:28 PM): ha ha bottlenecking Poke00210 (9:19:32 PM): 2nd flight landing Poke00210 (9:20:12 PM): yeah let kleavage drive Poke00210 (9:20:21 PM): uChenna and Joyce landing in san juan Poke00210 (9:20:35 PM): good team Poke00210 (9:20:38 PM): good, quality team Poke00210 (9:21:03 PM): "good job, woman" Poke00210 (9:21:34 PM): wow they caught up Poke00210 (9:21:40 PM): nice job uChenna and Joyce Poke00210 (9:21:48 PM): maybe rob-tard will forget to wak eup Poke00210 (9:21:50 PM): aww shit Poke00210 (9:22:02 PM): oh it's the TAR helicoopter Poke00210 (9:22:13 PM): yea fuck you it's a helicoopter Poke00210 (9:22:17 PM): Road Block! Poke00210 (9:22:24 PM): a Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform Poke00210 (9:22:28 PM): JUMP OFF BRIDGE Poke00210 (9:22:48 PM): what a stupid looking graphic Poke00210 (9:23:00 PM): ooh uChenna getting all kinds of naked Poke00210 (9:23:07 PM): ooh did dumbass woman get lost? Poke00210 (9:23:13 PM): LOL Poke00210 (9:23:16 PM): you fucking got lost Poke00210 (9:23:28 PM): clench your buttocks! Poke00210 (9:23:48 PM): clench your buttocks! Poke00210 (9:23:54 PM): ooh hello amber buttocks Poke00210 (9:24:19 PM): ha ha you're a dumbfuck Poke00210 (9:24:23 PM): how did she miss it? Poke00210 (9:24:26 PM): i'm gonna rewind real quick Poke00210 (9:24:55 PM): A Roadblock is a task that only one person may perform. And no one may perform more than 6 Poke00210 (9:25:00 PM): aka, "the Kim rule" Poke00210 (9:25:29 PM): oh ron and uChenna just went THE RIGHT WAY Poke00210 (9:25:35 PM): OK gonna fast forward Poke00210 (9:26:17 PM): oh perhaps amber should take her pants off Poke00210 (9:26:18 PM): yay Poke00210 (9:26:32 PM): Fly to Miami, FL Poke00210 (9:26:58 PM): yay! home of one of the best #4 teams ever: Oswald and Danny! Poke00210 (9:27:02 PM): amber kleavage Poke00210 (9:27:04 PM): kelly kleavage Poke00210 (9:27:14 PM): amber swimming Poke00210 (9:27:32 PM): oh, fly to miami and go to the causeway in Driver Poke00210 (9:27:35 PM): uchenna in 1st Poke00210 (9:27:42 PM): ooh hi runing wet amber Poke00210 (9:28:11 PM): uChenna did the jimmy "thumbs up" Poke00210 (9:28:34 PM): kleavage Poke00210 (9:28:35 PM): ! Poke00210 (9:28:47 PM): beggars really can't be choosers, i suppose Poke00210 (9:28:53 PM): uChenna / Joyce in last again Poke00210 (9:29:09 PM): wow the puerto rican signs use the same font as the american signs Poke00210 (9:29:23 PM): kelly kleavage Poke00210 (9:29:34 PM): ooh she's getting more kleavage-tastic Poke00210 (9:29:43 PM): A or B: kelly kleavage or hayden-boobs? Poke00210 (9:29:44 PM): B Poke00210 (9:29:46 PM): duh Poke00210 (9:30:37 PM): wow she needs makeup Poke00210 (9:31:20 PM): they should have a terrorist version of Poke00210 (9:31:22 PM): TAR Poke00210 (9:31:44 PM): where suicide bomber teams try to blow up various Western targets Poke00210 (9:31:53 PM): oh yay you're such a mental magician Poke00210 (9:32:14 PM): OK that's how terrorists think Poke00210 (9:32:22 PM): "let's leave our bags on the plane" Poke00210 (9:32:33 PM): yeah fuck you spic Poke00210 (9:32:36 PM): i mean... Poke00210 (9:32:41 PM): OH FUCK YOU BABY BOB Poke00210 (9:33:07 PM): oh wait, Poke00210 (9:33:15 PM): are uChenna and Joyce gonna get on the rob-tard flight? Poke00210 (9:33:30 PM): wow Poke00210 (9:33:37 PM): they're gonna move the gate back Poke00210 (9:33:42 PM): whoa Poke00210 (9:33:49 PM): how the fuck did they do that? Poke00210 (9:33:57 PM): whoa that's never happened before Poke00210 (9:34:01 PM): i'd like to rescind the spic comment Poke00210 (9:34:08 PM): HA HA FUCK YOU BOSTON ROB-TARD Poke00210 (9:34:13 PM): HA HA HA Poke00210 (9:34:15 PM): "THIS SUCKS Poke00210 (9:34:16 PM): :" Poke00210 (9:34:18 PM): LOL Poke00210 (9:34:20 PM): OH JESUS LOL Poke00210 (9:34:23 PM): you deserve that you dick Poke00210 (9:34:30 PM): ooh miami Poke00210 (9:34:34 PM): cue miami vice music Poke00210 (9:34:40 PM): first flight Poke00210 (9:35:01 PM): oh yes back in america land Poke00210 (9:35:17 PM): oh you'll be fine Poke00210 (9:35:24 PM): 2nd flight to miami Poke00210 (9:35:28 PM): yay for miami Poke00210 (9:35:32 PM): i wanna play driver now Poke00210 (9:35:37 PM): c'mon BABY Poke00210 (9:35:40 PM): fuck you loser Poke00210 (9:35:46 PM): travel to Little Havana Poke00210 (9:35:54 PM): cigar shop Poke00210 (9:36:01 PM): El Rey de los Habanos Poke00210 (9:36:14 PM): Calle Ocho Poke00210 (9:36:36 PM): fuck you bostard Poke00210 (9:36:42 PM): go devil rays Poke00210 (9:37:23 PM): eleventh street Poke00210 (9:37:24 PM): ooh yeah Poke00210 (9:37:27 PM): fuck you rob-tard Poke00210 (9:37:30 PM): go back to bostonia Poke00210 (9:37:34 PM): he's on 27th? Poke00210 (9:37:43 PM): heh Poke00210 (9:37:45 PM): fuck you Poke00210 (9:37:50 PM): oh you poor bastard Poke00210 (9:38:04 PM): el rey de los habanos Poke00210 (9:38:09 PM): uChenna and Joyce in first! Poke00210 (9:38:11 PM): oh shit Poke00210 (9:38:14 PM): THE FINISH LINE! Poke00210 (9:38:29 PM): oh and you lost your cab! Poke00210 (9:38:32 PM): you dumbfuck Poke00210 (9:38:34 PM): ha ha Poke00210 (9:38:56 PM): ha ha tire king Poke00210 (9:39:03 PM): and they found their taxi Poke00210 (9:39:05 PM): ha ha fuck you Poke00210 (9:39:10 PM): you guys fucking suck Poke00210 (9:39:13 PM): YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK Poke00210 (9:39:31 PM): ooh miami Poke00210 (9:39:35 PM): i wanna play driver now Poke00210 (9:39:40 PM): ha ha too bad you're a cockmaster Poke00210 (9:39:45 PM): oh you stupid fuck Poke00210 (9:39:58 PM): no, DON'T DRAG CATHOLICISM DOWN WITIH YOU YOU STUPID BASTARD Poke00210 (9:40:32 PM): i want a cigar now Poke00210 (9:40:44 PM): This is it. Go, go, go! Poke00210 (9:40:50 PM): oh you're fucked Poke00210 (9:40:54 PM): no, you're FUCKED Poke00210 (9:41:25 PM): oh man Poke00210 (9:41:28 PM): good quality team Poke00210 (9:41:33 PM): that's what i'm saying man Poke00210 (9:42:06 PM): oh man $25 more Poke00210 (9:42:27 PM): oh please fall off the bridge Poke00210 (9:42:49 PM): thanks pardner! Poke00210 (9:42:53 PM): you wacky texans Poke00210 (9:43:00 PM): oh no Poke00210 (9:43:28 PM): uchenna and joyce! are they gonna lose? Poke00210 (9:43:41 PM): it'd be funny if danny and oswald cameo'ed right now Poke00210 (9:43:54 PM): yeah you're too late Poke00210 (9:43:56 PM): rob-tard Poke00210 (9:44:00 PM): oh it's phil Poke00210 (9:44:08 PM): shut up you fag Poke00210 (9:44:13 PM): UCHENNA AND JOYCE! Poke00210 (9:44:17 PM): YEAH BITCHES! Poke00210 (9:44:19 PM): OOH HI AND HI Poke00210 (9:44:31 PM): GOOD SHIT DUDE Poke00210 (9:44:39 PM): GODDAMIT WHAT A GOOD ENDING Poke00210 (9:44:43 PM): UCHENNAR AND JOYCE Poke00210 (9:44:50 PM): 5 CONTINENTS 25 CITIES AND MORE THAN 40,000 MILES Poke00210 (9:44:58 PM): You are the official winers of the Amazing Race! Poke00210 (9:45:03 PM): good fucking shit Poke00210 (9:45:07 PM): man i have goosebumps Poke00210 (9:45:12 PM): even though i'm two weeks late Poke00210 (9:45:32 PM): uchenna and joyce! 1 million dollars bitches! Poke00210 (9:45:36 PM): FUCK YOU BOSTON ROB Poke00210 (9:45:38 PM): FUCK Poke00210 (9:45:38 PM): YOU Poke00210 (9:45:40 PM): BOSTON Poke00210 (9:45:41 PM): ROB Poke00210 (9:45:47 PM): DID I MENTION FUCK YOU? Poke00210 (9:46:01 PM): 'IN VITRO HERE WE COME!" Poke00210 (9:46:09 PM): "AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, ADOPTION HERE WE COME!" Poke00210 (9:46:18 PM): (and if that doesn't work, kidnapping here we come!) Poke00210 (9:46:26 PM): yay fags! Poke00210 (9:46:37 PM): nice job dudes! Poke00210 (9:46:46 PM): wow rob-tard was waaaay behind Poke00210 (9:47:00 PM): dude, i like thsi team Poke00210 (9:47:09 PM): and perfunctory clapping for teh rob-tard Poke00210 (9:47:14 PM): ha ha fuck you Poke00210 (9:47:18 PM): rob and amber 2nd team to arrive Poke00210 (9:47:21 PM): FUCK YOU Poke00210 (9:47:23 PM): F Poke00210 (9:47:24 PM): U Poke00210 (9:47:25 PM): C Poke00210 (9:47:26 PM): K Poke00210 (9:47:28 PM): Y Poke00210 (9:47:30 PM): O Poke00210 (9:47:53 PM): hello! Poke00210 (9:47:55 PM): goddamit Poke00210 (9:48:02 PM): ron and kelly 3rd team to arrive Poke00210 (9:49:20 PM): dude, congratulations Uchenna and Joyce Poke00210 (9:49:28 PM): they raced a good race Poke00210 (9:49:40 PM): ha ha rob's pissed Poke00210 (9:50:01 PM): Executive Producer: JERRY BRUCKHEIMER Poke00210 (9:50:26 PM): oh yay rob and amber get married Poke00210 (9:50:34 PM): thanks for ruining this 3am Criticism Poke00210 (9:50:40 PM): you cbs assholes Poke00210 (9:50:52 PM): there you go. Poke00210 (9:51:06 PM): and now back to your regularly scheduled SHoP programming Poke00210 has left the chat room.

Live 3am Criticism of UPN's "The Bad Girl's Guide"

This looked interesting. And really, I needed something to do in place of the TAR 3amC i'd normally be doing right now on a tuesday night.

Enjoy and think of yesteryear when Jenny McCarthy was a total and complete biscuit,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

You are now in chat room “bgg.” TioJaime858 has entered the chat room. TioJaime858 (8:52:47 PM): OK TioJaime858 (8:52:49 PM): hello dere TioJaime858 (8:53:09 PM): so i'm making D&M sounds right now TioJaime858 (8:53:21 PM): waiting for the premiere of The Bad Girl's Guide TioJaime858 (8:53:26 PM): because it has Jenny McCarthy TioJaime858 (8:53:35 PM): we'll see if it's gonna be a crapfest TioJaime858 (8:53:39 PM): we have about a half-hour? TioJaime858 (8:53:51 PM): and no, we're not gonna watch the pukefest that is Rob and Amber get married TioJaime858 (8:54:06 PM): seriously, why do you Little Brains have such a hard-on for them? TioJaime858 (8:54:32 PM): are your lives so pathetic that you need to idolize that retard? TioJaime858 (8:54:41 PM): please, do some soul searching TioJaime858 (8:54:49 PM): and explain that to me TioJaime858 (8:56:37 PM): dumb-effs, all of you TioJaime858 (8:56:45 PM): i've always been a jenny mccarthy fan TioJaime858 (8:56:49 PM): despite not liking blondes TioJaime858 (8:59:42 PM): good D&M rant TioJaime858 (8:59:50 PM): and stupid KYCY going to their retard format TioJaime858 (8:59:55 PM): ooh podcasting TioJaime858 (9:00:06 PM): i can feel the entire bay area not giving a fuck TioJaime858 (9:00:13 PM): pretty cool, huh? TioJaime858 (9:24:25 PM): OK coming up on The Bad Girls Guide TioJaime858 (9:24:40 PM): nevermind that the book's title is The Bad Girl's Guide TioJaime858 (9:24:46 PM): nice job, america TioJaime858 (9:29:48 PM): OK TioJaime858 (9:29:57 PM): and with the end of some stupid britney spears show TioJaime858 (9:30:05 PM): here's a new show on the wonderful UPN TioJaime858 (9:30:16 PM): shitty women drivers TioJaime858 (9:30:46 PM): late for the lesbian day parade TioJaime858 (9:30:56 PM): ooh chick playing w/her toes TioJaime858 (9:31:05 PM): did she call them "bitches"? TioJaime858 (9:31:10 PM): wow TioJaime858 (9:31:25 PM): jenny mccarthy isn't as cute as she was in Singled Out TioJaime858 (9:31:33 PM): back in lovely 1996 TioJaime858 (9:31:46 PM): paris hilton pop-culture reference TioJaime858 (9:32:12 PM): "because we're horny!" TioJaime858 (9:32:17 PM): The Bad Girl's Guide TioJaime858 (9:32:24 PM): oh there was an apostrophe TioJaime858 (9:32:30 PM): yahoo didn't have one TioJaime858 (9:32:32 PM): stupid yahoo TioJaime858 (9:32:43 PM): and wow i was listening to Chariots of Fire earlier tonight TioJaime858 (9:33:52 PM): wow a skateboarding movie TioJaime858 (9:34:20 PM): and so timely what with the new year 1985 checking in TioJaime858 (9:34:22 PM): oh wait TioJaime858 (9:34:51 PM): Veronica mars is kinda cute TioJaime858 (9:35:04 PM): if not for the dopey jennifer garner look TioJaime858 (9:35:05 PM): ooh hi TioJaime858 (9:35:15 PM): OK back to the potentially craptacular show TioJaime858 (9:35:58 PM): wow dippy chicks and gay male receptionist TioJaime858 (9:36:14 PM): but he's engaged to a chick TioJaime858 (9:36:27 PM): ooh hot crazy boss with nice legs TioJaime858 (9:38:01 PM): i should read the book so i can see how quickly they'll blow their load TioJaime858 (9:38:45 PM): dream sequence TioJaime858 (9:38:54 PM): was this dude in gilmore girls? TioJaime858 (9:39:28 PM): kinda lame-tastic TioJaime858 (9:39:33 PM): but i like the mulatta chick TioJaime858 (9:41:03 PM): Oops I Did It Again Todd TioJaime858 (9:41:11 PM): affirmation TioJaime858 (9:41:22 PM): perhaps i should get a copy of this book TioJaime858 (9:41:54 PM): and a sassy black chick TioJaime858 (9:43:00 PM): irene penalization TioJaime858 (9:43:20 PM): silky underwear! TioJaime858 (9:43:38 PM): odd feeling of deja vu right now TioJaime858 (9:44:40 PM): OK and now they're smoking the marijuana TioJaime858 (9:44:56 PM): wow i wonder what i'm doing next tuesday at 930 TioJaime858 (9:45:13 PM): i have a good idea of what i'm not doing TioJaime858 (9:47:16 PM): oh yay will & grace TioJaime858 (9:48:56 PM): another dream sequence TioJaime858 (9:49:10 PM): ooh toe sucking TioJaime858 (9:50:00 PM): third dream sequence TioJaime858 (9:50:18 PM): and she has an idea TioJaime858 (9:51:13 PM): did they stay up all night? thought it was due @ the COB TioJaime858 (9:51:49 PM): yay for promising the Universe TioJaime858 (9:52:54 PM): OK that wasn't so entertaining TioJaime858 (9:53:28 PM): and what's the whole glamorization of this advertising shit? TioJaime858 (9:54:05 PM): oh and i wonder what she's hiding in her room TioJaime858 (9:55:00 PM): ooh, they're getting thoughtful right now TioJaime858 (9:55:38 PM): The real deal is worth waiting for. TioJaime858 (9:57:00 PM): yay for diversity TioJaime858 (9:59:32 PM): WTF? again, yay for diversity on the UPN TioJaime858 (9:59:41 PM): next week? TioJaime858 (9:59:52 PM): nothing about next week TioJaime858 (10:00:03 PM): perhaps i'll do this drunk next week. TioJaime858 (10:00:06 PM): goodnight kids. TioJaime858 has left the chat room.

NOT TOO TIRED TO BLOG, BABY BOOYAH

I got home at 945pm. left the apartment at 5am. I hope i'm doing the math right, because i count 16-1/2 hours. I think.

I'm too tired to complain, so here's the rundown. If a gentle SHoPper would be so kind as to maps.yahoo.com these to find the distance i travelled today, i'd be much obgliged.

Piedmont Ave., Oakland, CA to UC Merced (I-580E to I-205 to I-5N to CA-120 to US-99)
UC Merced to San Jose, CA (via 152 aka Pacheco Pass)
San Jose, CA to Milpitas, CA (via I-680)
Milpitas, CA to the Home Office in lovely Benicia, CA
Benicia, CA to sweet sweet Oakland, CA

That seems like a lot. If i wasn't so eff-ing tired, I'd do a cool deallie like this.

Instead, since it only requires a couple of command-F replace deallies in MS word for Mac OS X and a few html tags, i'll leave you w/a chat deallie... jimmy-tastic link below, but provided by SixH.

What a great friend!!! I just wish i weren't too exhausted to enjoy the photos.

chat deallie

9:45 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yo SixHertz: yo yo [RACIAL EXPLETIVE]! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: holy fuck my shit i just got home JihadJimmyMWCCDF: left the house @ 5am JihadJimmyMWCCDF: hey you have that girls peeing link again? you sent it to my work thing and i closed it 9:50 PM SixHertz: http://fotzo.blogspot.com/2005/05/pipi.html JihadJimmyMWCCDF: why do i like this so much? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: there is a God SixHertz: figured you'd like it. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: god there's a ton of them JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm soo fucking tired, i can't even go through all of them JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's how tired i am right now SixHertz: wow SixHertz: no zoo for you 9:55 PM SixHertz: no soup for you JihadJimmyMWCCDF: huh? SixHertz: nvm JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm too tired to fend off your judgmentalism SixHertz: I'm not being judgemental, dude. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: s'OK JihadJimmyMWCCDF: even if you were, i'm too tired anway SixHertz: I was cracking a joke related to Sienfeld. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: anyway JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i don't watch that Jew show SixHertz: you're too tired for the zoo. SixHertz: neither do I. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: BUT I'M NOT TO TIRED TO BLOG, BABY SixHertz: but it's a famous line from it. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: BOOYAH SixHertz: "No soup for you" JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh yeah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: duh

On a related note, SixH's Jewish friend doesn't piss me off because he doesn't play the Neurotic Jew card. The Disgruntled Jew card, on the other hand, is by far more entertaining and never gets old. This is worth its weight in free ham.

Neurotic Jew: Woody Allen, Jerry Seinfeld.
Disgruntled Jew: Adam Sandler, SixH's friend, that kid from South Park, Krusty the Klown.

See? My hate is not w/o reason. it is surprisingly thought out and logical.

goodnight,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

You bought some SHoP crap!

Thanks to those of you who bought items from the SHoP cafepress store. If you're still a regular reader of the site, let us know what you think of the items in the comment section!

Get your piping hot fresh Bay Area bullshit, right here!!!

And where else on the right-wing blogosphere are you gonna find a pile of steaming horseshit fresher than this?

Just heard on the local news that they found a Koran in a toilet at one of the JCs between here and Sacramento. School police have not found the culprit, but we're told that once they do, he/she "will be charged with a hate crime."

Oh, goody. Why don't you just gift wrap this for me and attach a gift receipt?

Shit this isn't even worth my time, but in case there are any Republican SHoPpers who fell into a coma right around Travelgate...

1) Go stick your Hate Crimes up your fucking ass. Crimes are crimes. No one motive is worse than another.

2) Further, if it'd been a Bible in the toilet, do you seriously think that there'd be any talk of this Hate Crime shit? Not even close. If you're stupid enough to think so, go back to smithantics. And go suck a cock on the golden gate bridge.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Trying the Pick Pfhours at Hollywood Park!

First Post, 705pm

Track Name, Race Number, Amount, Wager, Horses Horse Names	RESULTS
Hollywood Park, Race 1, $1 pk4 1/1/8/6 GNARLEY with GONG with NEWPORT GREEN with GIRLSINTHEOFFICE	(hmm GNARLEY scratched. they should give me TARGETOFOPORTUNITY at less than even money) TARGETOFOPPORTUNITY...
Hollywood Park, Race 5, $1 pk4 1/3/3/5 PROUD NICOLE with SMOKEY WHITE EYES with KING OF L. A. with FLYING BEARCAT

Ain't ganking HTML grand???

I have other blurbs relevant to politics and shit like that, including my trip to Haight/Ashbury yesterday. Ick. Maybe i'll get to that later.

for now, wish me luck,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

We're all thinking it, so I'll just go ahead and say it: BFD

Oh, no! Saddam's in his underwear in The Sun?!?


click picture for link to article

And you probably can't tell from reading the article, but there's gonna be a huge backlash from all the pantywaists and girlie-men around the world whining about the Geneva Convention and all that shit.

Again, BFD.

In a tribute to the deposed dictator, I will release the first of the Vicetivus V pictures. I too, am in my underwear.

Click to enlarge

On a related note, I wholly urge the MiniTrue to render judgment on the photos, lest crafty SHoPpers manage to figure out the iPhoto-created structure of the Vicetivus V album. And I've said too much...

new Title alert,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Update: Dammit, TioJaime, hide the friggin' directory next time.
TJUpdate: Pigfucker, it was hidden just enough so that only the craftiest of SHoPpers could find it, but not so every Little Brain out there could. Oh ye of little faith and too much pantywaist...
SixHUpdate: Crafty? Anyone with half a brain could've figured it out.

San Diego street sweeping can SUCK MY BALLS.

This is a call-out to all attorneys or any arm-chair lawyers who read the SHoP. I want to make my argument water-tight.

I have two parking violations totalling $40 each, SDMC 86.09(E), "Violation of Signs-Street Sweeping". The code states:
§86.09 Standing or Parking in Specified Places Prohibited
(e) In violation of any sign or curb marking limiting or regulating the parking or
standing of a vehicle.

Here's where the horse-shit comes in.

My car (not pictured here) was in the location of the Toyota SUV in the center of this photo:

The problem? The view of the sign in question is not visible from the parking spot. Nor is there a sign at the end of the street by the stop sign. Summary: THERE IS NO SIGN INDICATING STREET SWEEPING VISIBLE FROM THE PARKING SPOT! Would it not make more sense for designated diagonal parking spots to place the signs parallel to the street instead of perpendicular? Take a look at the second picture. The sign is placed to the right of the red Acura, but is not visible from the parking spot.

My second violation for the same charge is on another street altogether. My argument is nearly the same. And let me tell you, after the initial violation, I've been doubly careful not to park anywhere near these signs at all. But lo and behold, yours truly was screwed again...and surprised as hell to see that yellow envelope on my windshield...yet again.

So, tell me if you think this argument holds water.

Limited race card today at Jimmy Gate Downs

Heh, I said "race card". Really, it's the only race card worth playing that doesn't make me wanna set fire to Berkeley.

I'll be willing to sell 15% shares of this ticket for $1 apiece. And no, you can't just place a $1 exacta bet for yourself. I talked to Hollywood Park this morning. They said, "Well, i dunno. We never do this, but OK. We won't accept anymore exacta bets."

so lemme know. find my e-mail address on an old set of comments.

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- also found this one at Golden Gate Fields. Russell Baze, baby, feel the burn

Again, 15% shares for a buck...

God, this is such a waste of my Republican Rage...

Not sure how I found this, but here it is in all of its ignoramus glory.

You know what the best part about this is? My dumb Red American ass is smarter than any liberal mentally masturbating himself in front of his drooling friends by writing one of these edgy Rants. I guaran-goddam-tee it.

It took me a while to find this self-description, but here it is... "a red state californian who technically has the intelligence quotient to join the liberals but just so happens to have the common sense and morals to repudiate any liberal ideals" (original post here)

You poor dumb stupid bastards. You have nothing on the LIbEralS from ten years ago. And they had nothing on the hippies of the 60s. So that pretty much means you're fucked.

No, you're FUCKED.

I don't want to talk to any of you dumbasses until you've embiggened your grasp on logic and reasoning. Get me to hate you. I'm sick and fucking tired of pitying you. See what you've done? You've taken the pleasure out of political discourse. Because you're all a bunch of holier-than-thou fuck-ups who are too retarded to know when their party is using them. You got too used to following the Clintards blindly, huh? I've run into more of you dumbass, lemming, fuckhole LIbEralS than you'll ever have the misfortune of meeting. I know you, I know your kind. I can out-liberal you. You little shits should take some notes.

Cordially,
Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Hi, Kettle? Hey, I'm the pot. You're black.

This guy here is a DICK.

This is what he did to my entry on wikipedia.

As a variation on a SHoP favorite-- either too late for Tues-dee or too early for Thurs-dee-- I'd like to extend the first GET BENT WEDNES-DEE to the Busybody of the day, Mydotnet!

And please don't get me started on the Crapfest that is KYOU, especially from 8pm to midnight on weekdays. I didn't think it was possible to get worse ratings than Don and Mike had in San Fran-fucking-cisco, but some how you mental midgets managed to do it. Yeah you dumb pigfuckers, I'm talking to you. Check out the heart above.

Bite me,
Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Yay! Another worthless quiz!

Your Linguistic Profile:

85% General American English

15% Yankee

0% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

On another note, when are the Abu Circus pictures going to be posted, Tio Jaime?

Gentlemen, start your horses!

On the Program today at Jimmy Gate Downs...

First Post, 1:00pm

Track Name, Race Number, Amount, Wager, Horses Horse Names	RESULTS
Golden Gate Fields, Race 1, $1 ex 6/4 WELLINGTON'S ARCH with WYNN'S FINAL OFFER	OK and the fun begins. Eff you.
Golden Gate Fields, Race 4, $1 ex 11/9 LAS VEGAS DANCER with WERKING NICKI	WERKING NICKI scratched
Golden Gate Fields, Race 5, $1 ex 8/1 DEVONS SMOKIN with COOL VALLEY BREW	BITE ME
Hollywood Park, Race 2, $1 pk3 4/7/1 LEGAL PRECEDENT with SMITTEN'S KITTEN with GOOD COP BAD COP	SMITTEN'S KITTEN scratched, LEGAL PRECEDENT running at less than even money, new Pick 3 below OK my scratched horse will be replaced with the at-post favorite. Which means I'll have another dollar on MISS LOLA LA DARE. RIVER'S PRAYER LEGAL PRECEDENT... RIVER'S PRAYER... c'mon tittie! EFF YOU GOOD COP BAD COP
Hollywood Park, Race 5, $1 pk4 10/3/7/7 SCARLETT MEMORIES with DATE WITH LINDA with FOURTY NINERS SON with T'S CAFE GIRLS	who the EFF is HEATHERINTHEMIST?
Hollywood Park, Race 2, $1 pk3 4/4/1 LEGAL PRECEDENT with MISS LOLA LA DARE with GOOD COP BAD COP	LEGAL PRECEDENT... EFF YOU RIVER'S PRAYER

Although I think that the races which my redneck Red American coworkers like better are the NASCAR ones. Who among us doesn't love NASCAR? I'm thinking of jumping on the NASCAR bandwagon, any suggestions? So far, alls I can tells you is that Jeff Gordon is a gay.

And crap, watch the SHoP get lots of hits now from closeted rednecks.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Not enough time to chat and post, so i'll chat. And then post.

MwHCock (9:24:45 AM): Ok, so who wins in a fight between 42 midgets and a lion? JihadJimmyCDF (9:34:25 AM): i would've figured the lion, unless the midgets have guns JihadJimmyCDF (9:34:32 AM): is there more on the CMFL front? MwHCock (9:37:09 AM): oh, that was a fake article JihadJimmyCDF (9:37:25 AM): have slideshow for you MwHCock (9:37:43 AM): i figure there are 3 main ways the fight could go.... MwHCock (9:38:20 AM): (1) Midgets are all well organize and trained, and kill the lion with minimal causualties. I think this could be done with simple club like weapons, no need for knives or spears. Any time Lion gets ahold of one, 20 others run up and club it, it lets go. MwHCock (9:38:42 AM): (2) The midgets are fighters, but not organized. There is one midget, we'll call him the Maximus Midget, who is well trained, a general among midgets. He can inspire and lead the midget to victory, but there will be casualties. MwHCock (9:39:04 AM): (3) No organization. Total slaughter, all or almost all midgets lost. MwHCock (9:39:44 AM): send me the slideshow JihadJimmyCDF (9:40:24 AM): LOL JihadJimmyCDF (9:42:19 AM): i'll be putting a link to the slideshow on the album in a few minutes JihadJimmyCDF (9:42:26 AM): rhothetaphi is kinda slow righ tnow MwHCock (9:43:39 AM): ok JihadJimmyCDF (9:45:02 AM): check out the album page again, there's a link to the slideshow JihadJimmyCDF (9:45:14 AM): I've removed the link to the Vicetivus V album pending across-the-board approval from the MiniTrue. For now, we will be forced to severely limit and control publication of the photos. Funny that I would say that, but to a certain degree, even I subscribe to that whole Staying in Vegas idea... TJ MwHCock (9:45:15 AM): send me the link MwHCock (9:45:36 AM): how did you make it? JihadJimmyCDF (9:45:41 AM): iPhoto JihadJimmyCDF (9:45:51 AM): not as good as iMovie, i wanna try that tongiht JihadJimmyCDF (9:45:57 AM): i have a pirated copy of iLife MwHCock (9:48:37 AM): do you have Tiger? JihadJimmyCDF (9:48:41 AM): nope JihadJimmyCDF (9:48:43 AM): don't even have panther MwHCock (9:48:51 AM): d'oh JihadJimmyCDF (10:05:55 AM): you able to see the movie? rhothetaphi is really janky on this end MwHCock (10:06:27 AM): wathcing now MwHCock (10:06:41 AM): i like the full metal jacket song MwHCock (10:07:14 AM): man MwHCock (10:07:18 AM): you were drunk MwHCock (10:07:24 AM): what did you drink? MwHCock (10:08:54 AM): and why did you go to the burnerry store? MwHCock (10:08:59 AM): burberry? MwHCock signed off at 10:09:22 AM. MwHCock signed on at 10:09:26 AM. JihadJimmyCDF (10:09:42 AM): was drinking scotch all weekend JihadJimmyCDF (10:10:01 AM): except when the cute cuban waitress was complaining that the basketball crowd ordered and left before getting their drinks JihadJimmyCDF (10:10:24 AM): so in my latina fueled lust, i offered to take a Grey Goose Red Bull off her tray JihadJimmyCDF (10:10:29 AM): and a Jim Beam and Coke JihadJimmyCDF (10:10:31 AM): and a Bud Light JihadJimmyCDF (10:10:45 AM): but really, who the fuck mixes Grey Goose?!? MwHCock (10:10:45 AM): Grey Goose Red Bull MwHCock (10:10:48 AM): so dangerous JihadJimmyCDF (10:11:08 AM): i guess if it's free MwHCock (10:11:12 AM): red b ull energizes you too much when you drink JihadJimmyCDF (10:11:28 AM): when you pull 24 hours straight, that's a must JihadJimmyCDF (10:11:31 AM): and she was a cute cuban JihadJimmyCDF (10:11:51 AM): i have a burberry purse fetish JihadJimmyCDF (10:12:02 AM): along w/a stilettos and jeans fetish MwHCock signed off at 10:35:20 AM.