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Thursday, November 11, 2004

WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS?!?!

Looks like Vincent D'Onofrio, the guy who got his start playing Leonard Lawrence in "Full Metal Jacket", is going nuts because John Kerry lost.

To celebrate this ironic turn of events, here's a listing of some of my favorite Gunnery Sergeant Hartman quotes related to Leonard Lawrence:

"Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people fuck!"

"Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any fucking effort to get to the top of the fucking obstacle! If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?!"

"Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now! Move it! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!"

"You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!"

"Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?"

"Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds, to wipe that stupid lookin' grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you!!"

"Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!"

"What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?!"
Ahhh, irony: It's not just a literary device anymore!