Three Simple Words: I AM GAY

As a single, heterosexual male living in lovely Oakland, I look at the bleak dating pool which my native Bay Area has to offer to me and think to myself, "I really should talk to 'Trose! about getting some GRE or GMAT stuff so I can possibly apply to grad school at Texas and find myself a nice co-ed who is just there for her MRS degree."

I remind myself that I'm Republican, and therefore have disqualified myself in the eyes of many a Bay Aryan liberal woman.

Here is a select number of Bay Aryan women (aryannes, perhaps?) who are trolling for a man on Craigslist. Unfortunately, none of them automatically disqualify Republicans. Believe, you, me I looked for them. Usually you can find several of them. I wonder why there were none this go around.

Oh, and stop and think about it if you'd like, but when you say "BelieveYouMe" the only real way to write it out is with all of the commas.

Anycrap, here they are. I don't want any of them, so they're all yours...

"Pee on You" - 26
Most other people would have saved this for last, but not me, oh heck no. It was actually the first I found chronologically, and in any case, I'm going for the Shock and Awe.

The Bay Area really is nice, I wholly recommend you visit and even live here. Shit! I just remembered what I wanted to mention in yesterday's rant-tastic post! FLYOVER COUNTRY BEGINS IN CONCORD, CALIFORNIA. Officer Vic on KSFO's morning show mentioned this, and HFS, it's true. (for you non-bay aryans: concord is a suburb located approximately 30 miles east of the City, take the bay bridge to 580 to 24 to 680 north. welcome to middle america, you blue state fuckups...)

If Physics Excites You..... - 61
Oh shit. What is it with physics? I think these dumb fuckwad hippies are just trying to seem smart.

Looking for man with MBA degree - 25
It's really only a matter of time before this girl starts stripping. Best Russian stripper in the Jimmy League is Naomi (Broadway Showgirls), followed by Chanel (H-Club. not Chenelle. also, may be retired.)

Naomi has nice legs, wears Bulgari perfume. Really nice legs.

SWF looking for Indian Man WITHOUT Indian accent - 25
Oh yay, she's "liberal" and "openminded [sic]" but she doesn't want somebody with an accent. Don't like third world immigrants, do you? You fucking liberal hypocrite. That's typical. I bet there are a lot of FOBs who are "creative, adventurous, sociable, introspective, (and) intelligent". This is what happens when you Can't Understand Normal Thinking. Shallow whore.

DESIRABLE ASIAN FEMALE SEEKS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIP - 22
HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU MUST BE A VERY SMALL ASIAN WOMAN TO BE YELLING SO LOUD ON THIS OUR BELOVED INTERNET. DO YOU MAKE GOOD FLIED LICE?

(TJ: OK for those of you not in the know, I'm asian myself. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Or hopefully, you're wearing boyshorts. My stripper Grace wore granny panties one night. It was pretty cute. Did i say "asian"? I meant "oriental". I'm Oriental myself.)

I'm Dreaming of a Pearl Necklace... - 46
Whoa. I thought this was just some dumb housefrau who didn't know the ejaculatory implications of what she wrote. Turns out she knew perfectly. And now I have a semi.

Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. - 23
Unfortunately, I was disqualified at the word "aquarius" having been born on 27 february. And dammit, because she likes scotch! And steak! and aww shit... requires that I don't like hippies! FUCK YOU, ZODIAC! YOU GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

***cries into hard hat***

And HFS, I've never had these thoughts before, but damn those feet are hot!

A Good Man is Hard to Find... - 33
Kinda anti-climactic, sorry. But I was hoping this was a Flannery O'Connor reference.

Why yes, I am an engineer who has read Flannery O'Connor. Can't remember where I put her when I moved into my new apartment, but she's around here somewhere.

That's all for now. If you can find me the Homer Simpson sound of him saying "I'm not gay, but I'll learn" please to be sending it to me, as I'll most likely use it instead of the one above...

all my love,
Tio Jaime, EIT