TODAY IS CHRISTMAS

35 INT. BARRACKS--DAY

Recruits standing at attention in two facing rows.
HARTMAN walks between the rows, leading them
in song.


HARTMAN & RECRUITS
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Jesus,
Happy Birthday to you!


HARTMAN
Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic
show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell
you about how the free world will conquer
Communism with the aid of God and a few marines!

God has a hard-on for marines because we kill
everything we see! He plays His games, we play
ours! To show our appreciation for so much power,
we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here
before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart
to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!

Do you ladies understand?


RECRUITS
Sir, yes, sir!


HARTMAN
I can't hear you!


RECRUITS
Sir, yes, sir!







Would anybody like some peanuts?

(TJ: There's a Flannery O'Connor reference in this scene as well.)




(TJ: OK. This last one, as you may have guessed, has nothing to do with Full Metal Jacket. That is Agent Cate Archer from No One Lives Forever as played by Mitzi Martin-- also known as Alien Jumpsuit Chick #1 from the critically acclaimed hit Dude, Where's My Car? I've been playing this game a lot recently on my TiBook. It's like Austin Powers meets Marathon but in hot jumpsuit chick form.)

OK. That's enough for now. I'm tired, and besides, I have to go to sleep or else Santa won't show up.

Fighting the Dirty Fight for you because you're an upstanding Republican on this a very Merry Christmas,
Tio Jaime