Emerald Bowl or: How I Learned to Stop Working and Leave to Watch Football

OK time for some football. I'm leaving right now to go watch the Bears. Jersey's on Winchester in Campbell. Come join.

Here are some pics to tide you over...

In just over an hour, the Navy Midshipmen will take on New Mexico State (Lobos?) so here are some pics i found on EHOWA. yay!

I actually would much rather have gone to the Emerald Bowl because of 1) Pac Bell Park, and 2) Navy chicks...




I like this one here, although SixH tells me that navy chicks aren't really this good looking. Lucky for all of us, I ain't picky.


HOPE HAS ARRIVED, BITCHES!

Tio Jaime

ps- on a related note, the fucking "Priceless" ads? ENOUGH ALREADY! THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE SENSE NOWADAYS! And the internet parodies of the "Priceless" ads? STOPPED BEING FUNNY AFTER THE COLUMBINE ONE...

Man, I'm so depressed that Cal didn't make it to the Rose Bowl. I think I should fabricate a malady so I can leave early and watch the Holiday Bowl

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GFY (Belated) Tuesday: Fair Weather Friends of the United States

So, we're "stingy" on foreign aid, eh? Nevermind that the United States is the most generous nation on earth when it comes to humanitarian assistance. Oh, trust me...I've heard the arguments..."When compared to our GDP, our humanitarian aid is miniscule". Funny how they don't use that same argument when it comes to our National Debt. Dumbasses. What's my point? People can skew statistics to further their arguments, always. That says nothing of the fact that some statistics are just plain wrong in the first place.

Besides, where was the rest of the world's help when the Gulf Coast and Florida got slammed with the worst series of Hurricanes in US History this past year? You're goddam right. We've got our own problems to worry about. How much of the world laughed at our misfortune there?

But back to the original argument of the US being "stingy". Has the Palestinian government donated money for the disaster relief? Are the Iranians donating to the Buddhists and Christians who are suffering equally as much as the Muslims in the affected countries? Can North Korea stop building nukes and ICBMs for a while and feed its own damn people in the first place? I don't see Al Qaida donating money for disaster aid. Last I hear, they were the ones causing disasters. Bastard terrorist sympathizers need to stop and think about this a bit.

Sri Lanka is turning down what little aid is coming from Israel, now. WTF is that? That country obviously needs help, yet they look a gift horse in the mouth. If the US aid was more miniscule than it is right now, I'm sure a lot of these countries would be turning our assistance down as well. Christ, people! What are your priorities?

Let the rest of the world fix up the heap of crap it's in. If they want the US out of their lives, fine. Let 'em burn. Let 'em live in mud huts. Let 'em die of disease and malnutrition. I know they'd rather see us dead. And that's just fine by me. Just don't expect my help in return. Call me in a hundred years when you grow up. GFY for now.

dammit, SixH, i've been surfing Ernie's House of Whoop Ass all F-ing day

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Chillin' at Work...

(I really like that ice cube from unkymoods. Its coolness (heh, coolness) is enough to motivate me to remain calm and composed such that I might legitimately justify selecting it as my current mood. Yes, I could lie about it, but that would defeat the purpose of those self-descriptive blog-widgets.)

It's kinda funny that the day I feel energetic and productive here at work is the one day that there isn't enough work to last me the 8 hours. I already have lunch w/my sister and grandparents slated for 12 followed by finding a Sears to remit a payment on a credit card.

so other than that, so far today I've prepared a letter transmitting certified payroll to the client (we're prevailing wage), took out the trash, and got my shit ready to fill in the equipment report. Oh, I also signed the official company write-up that will go in my personnel file for this incident. Yay.

And now, I have time to post! I'll fill in the equipment report later...

I read this post last week courtesy Mark Nicodemo. Very interesting article for those of us who had never really looked into the detail of Kwanzaa. I remember hearing a short blurb about this last year around Christmas time, as me and a friend started to create the Seven Principles of Kwan-Jimmy. These are, unfortunately, lost due to less-than-stellar oral tradition and the fact that we were probably distracted by strippers. Considering the timeframe, Grace (Ret., UE - James) and Scarlett (U - Petros) were the entertainers of choice. A bit of Isis Love and Utah too, I'd imagine.

So at the bottom of the Nicodemo post, there are some other articles-- my favorite of which was the Mona Charen column.

"It is reasonable to ask why American blacks, who have been Christian longer than the Mormons or the Christian Scientists, should need an alternative to Christmas."

Very good column. I wonder why I had never read any of her before. More than likely I was busy reading George Will (TJ: looks like you may need to set up a login at washingtonpost.com. Also, looking at his column list, looks like global warming is making a comeback in the pundit circuits! This is always fun... Nothing takes the wind out of hippies' sails like having a Berkeley Civil and Environmental Engineer take a huge ideological shit on one of your core, leftist beliefs.) who, tell you truth is a better columnist. But don't discount Mona, as all of her columns which I read (links to the other three below) were well constructed and succinct. Also, some of them rekindled some anti-Clinton republicanism, which was always fun.

Welcome to the Judgeocracy
I like how the Jewish date is at the top. Heh.

Talks about activist judges and how they're overstepping their bounds. This was written in 1997, though, nicely ahead of its time considering later democrud foibles. We're reminded of California's Prop 187, yes, but also think back to between 1997 and now and we have Prop 209 (also blocked by judges in California courts despite overwhelming voter support) numerous other Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals judgments, and most notably the 2000 election fiasco in Florida. Activist judges at their finest.

Ask any elementary school student what the three branches of government are and their respective duties. Then ask him if judges are supposed to pass laws (in effect).

"If judges make the law, then the considered judgments of the people on how they wish to organize their lives and their society are reduced to, at most, advisory opinions to be accepted or rejected by the those with real power."

Really, all you Republicans who complained about the 2000 election and Sore-Losermann's attempt to steal the presidency have yourselves to blame. If you would've nipped this activist judge thing in the bud earlier, Florida never would have happened.

On this date in Tio Jaime History: Was dating OCDs, having broken up with the would-be-manhating-cunt. We needed not sneak around anymore as it was no longer cheating.

The national dirty joke
"Yup. The president who championed the v-chip to keep violent and sexual imagery away from children is now a worldwide dirty joke."

Ouch. She points out many obvious things, one of which is that the Clinton impeachment was about perjury, not fellatio. (TJ: Yes, I used the f-word so SHoP will now turn up in searches for "Mona Charen Fellatio".) And ha ha, Monica Lewinisky *is* a permanent dirty joke six years, one bombed destroyer, two bombed embassies, four hijacked planes two toppled skyscrapers and one Pentagon later.

Nice job, btw, Bill Clinton and Madeline Albright on that foreign policy there. When Bush #41 said that his dog Millie knew more about foreign policy than you and al gore, man oh man was he right. Unfortunately, the way he said it turned off a few people and managed to elect you so you could continue your sexual predatory exploits on a federal level. Still, nice fucking job taking care of the whole middle east thing with some shitty peace accords and appeasing the terrorists in the name of Legacy. You're fucking lucky the blogosphere wasn't around back then.

On this date in Tio Jaime History: Hadn't started to date Stupid Little Girl yet, was actually pursuing several interests in band. Probably Sierra the clarinet, Joanne the trumpet (who later becamse SLG's roommate in the band house).

America the greedy and cruel
On this date in Tio Jaime History: Went shopping, dinner at my grandma's, posted on SHoP later that night...

Damn, we're good.

"The (New York) Times does not tell readers that the United States is the world's largest food aid donor by far. In 2004, the United States provided $826,469,172 — almost a billion dollars — to the United Nations World Food Program. The next largest donor, the European Union, contributed $187,102,068. This, despite the fact that the European Union has a total population of 453 million, compared with the USA's 281 million, and a gross domestic product that is larger than that of the United States."

Her column talks about some leftists complaining that we're cutting aid. Fucking assholes, all of you. I swear to Christ how stupid must you be to try to villify those that are going above and beyond the call of duty to fulfill this shitty social contract onto which we've all apparently signed?

On a related note, I heard that on average, an American family gives 6 times more to charity than the average German family. Also an American family is 7 times more likely to volunteer their time than will a German family. Holy shit, I see all these Catholics dropping a damn dollar in the collection basket on any given Sunday. How can you give less than that? Holy Fucking Shit.

I'm tired, gonna leave work. Wasn't really any work today anyway since the crew got rained out.

Enjoy the remainder of the year,
Tio Jaime

It's Alive!

Yeah, yeah...I haven't posted in some time. Lots of interesting personal issues going on right now. I love how they seem to pile on one on top of the other at the most convenient times (*biting sarcasm*), like during the holidays! Fortunately for you, and unless there's some sort of public craving to live vicariously through me, I keep the personal crap to myself, and the usual more interesting rants to the public. I want to thank Tio Jaime for keeping the SHoP midnight oil burning, even though he did live-blog about people-watching...okay, girl-watching...in his last post from Valley Fair mall in the South Bay. I dunno. I have a tendency to shake my head when I see the 13 or 14 year-old prosti-tots walking around the local malls. Hey, parents? If your underage girls are causing older men to turn their heads and look at their asses, it's time to pull your own heads out of your own asses, stop being your child's friend, and be their parent. Buy them some real clothes. I'm not a parent, but even I know this.

Oh, and spank your children. Really, it's okay. And it works, too. I'm serious. If you do it right, you'll only ever have to spank them once or twice. Then, when they're getting on your nerves, just threaten them. You'll never need to drug your kid up with ritalin, I swear.

On another note, I also got hooked on World of Warcraft. I never did the Ultima Online or Everquest thing, and I swore to myself I'd never purchase a game which required a monthly subscription fee...but lo and behold, here I am. Actually, I'm taking a break from the game since I'm visiting my parents up here in San Jose. However, I'm foaming at the thought of battling orcs, trolls, and other various demons reeeeaalllly soon.

Bitsy just jumped on my lap while I've been sitting here. She's eyeing the homemade bread that's sitting on a plate to the left of me. Uh-oh...she's giving me the doe-eyes....I can't resist the doe-eyes on this dog. :) She wins.

God Bless American Capitalism!

This capitalism thing is nice, except that it brings everybody and their uncles out of the woodwork and into the parking lot and the mall and in my way.

I'm at Valleyfair mall, which is the mall-at-which-to-be here in the lovely South Bay Area. I'm sitting in front of The Apple Store, and have hopped onto their AirPort with Emily, my TiBook G4 667. Oh that's right you left-leaning Bay Aryans, you are feeling my red state wrath being broadcast loud and proud from under one gigahertz of processor speed.

I'm not one for people-watching, normally, as I was an engineer at Berkeley and not one of those fruity, touchy-feely liberal arts types who liked to sit on the steps of Sproul Hall and look at people. Yeah, I was busy scarfing down my janky Chinese food from Euclid Ave between classes.

Anycrap, I'm here, and it's not so much people-watching as it is people-watching's politically incorrect and sexually charged cousin "checking-out-women-in-tight-jeans". Well, not-so-tight-jeans too, I suppose. There are these two chicks right in front of me eating Auntie Anne's pretzels, the one on the right is kinda cute as her hair is tied back, but not too tight and she's wearing a blue turtleneck sweater that looks itchy. Miss, might I scratch your chest?

and now orquiza's IMming me... hold on

oh, pretzel chick is leaving. her butt wasn't as nice as i thought

I don't like assloads of people @ the mall right now. They're just wandering around--

OK metrosexual in a pink shirt, black pants, and a stylish buckle. And now there's an old chick in a pink sweatsuit, no camel toe. Cute hipster/librarian chick in brown skirt, she needs a spanking. Yay, asians.

The problem with all of these people is that they are for the most part, shopping like women, la-di-da-ing around and just not moving fast enough for my shit.

Hey, nice butt.

whoa, hot mexi-chicks coming out of the apple store. They looked very high maintenance and expensive.

white chick with nice boobs. Asian chick with somewhat of a camel toe. (OK, we're gonna forego the post and just see what Tio Jaime notices here in lovely upper-middle class Silicon Valley. Fuck you hippies.) Turning down the brightness on Emily. Lots of grumpy looking Asians, present blogger not excluded. Whoa, hipster teenagers, one with huge boobs in a green tank top. Muslims, the one on the right is kinda cute. White chick with boots under her jeans, has a hook nose. Old chick with wrinkles. Green tank top coming out of the apple store...

Yay. Gangsters. Little type 2 hapa child with her asian dad and cute white mom. Mom looked kinda like Blake Lindsley (look her up, not sure on spelling). Apple iTunes Music Store beckoning me to buy shit right now. Yay, hipsters. Didn't know they wore pastel though. Grumpy looking disshevelled white woman. Indian chicks. (sorry, *old* indian chicks). Upper middle class white chicks. Jewish chicks (had some jewish writing on her messenger pack).

Is that bad that I know what a messenger pack is?

Well, now that foot traffic has slowed somewhat, Too Many Damned People.

Ooh, hot white chick wearing pink and black. Teenager in nice tight t-shirt. Soccer mom wearing green turtleneck and a green scarf. Sorry, both were lime green. She kinda looked like lawyer lady. White mom and her little slut of a daughter wearing a belly shirt. Mom wasn't too bad. Mexican family, cute daughter around 16.

My superintendent said he was going to Mexico to see his family, I told him to bring me back a wife. He said, "I can get you fourteen year olds!" I said, "Gus, that's illegal."

Funky asian grandmother wearing pink/black sweatsuit.

Ooh, irritable white chick in black tank top and tight black pants. Asian dude wearing a Burberry scarf who looked like an asian chick wearing a burberry scarf. I have the frightening feeling that I'm the only engineer in my office who knows what Burberry is.

Whoa, hot indian chick in semi-tight jeans and a green kint turtleneck. Knit.

Chick in Loyola University Chicago hoodie. Slutty nicole richie looking white chicks, probalby 17.

I think the prevailing thought among maybe 70-80% of the people here is "Fuck I don't want--

holy shit, hot chick in pink knit shirt, the kind that's falling off her shoulders...

-- to go to work tomorrow." And there's some of the "God I can't wait for work tomorrow--

here's pinky again... she looks lost

-- because that was a lot of family I just digested this weekend." I'm of the no work school of thought. My sister is leaving on Wednesday, so I'll probably stay over in san jose on monday night. gotta go back to oakland tonight and get my work truck.

Those new G5 iMacs look fucking hot dude. I'm afraid with Emily's recent shitfit, that I may be due for a new computer soon. While this is usually cause for celebration, I'm somewhat lacking in the money department, so this isn't a good idea.

SixH is gonna be pissed that I'm blogging here in my free time and not returning his call from when I was at Mass. Well, if he comes online I'll post the chat thread. At mass today i saw those two-and-now-three sisters that are hot, white and brunette. Oh, and Catholic. Unfortunately, they're my brother's age. Gus, that's illegal.

Ooh, white chick who is walking like she knows exactly where she wants to go and is pissed at all of the slow walkers. Do the Dew, momma! I still have a bit of shopping to do, but not really here @ Valleyfair Mall. I have to buy for my friends, except for Mitch, Karim, and Makiko. Makiko's turkey was purchased in the beginning of the Cal football season, Karim will be getting a USB massage ball, and Mitch's present can interestingly enough also be given to Chenelle's daughter Victoria, who may have just recently celebrated her second birthday.

Hmm, couldn't tell if that cute brunette was pregnant or just a bit chubby.

Mitch will be receiving a spongebob squarepants talking alarm clock. I decided to go the mitch route and not the victoria route because Victoria really doesn't need to be any place at specific times. While attempting to cultivate this notion of punctuality in mitch is an exercise in futility ***shit just lost a few minutes of would-be post gold when iChat crashed taking orquiza's window with it*** Mitch still might be able to glean not only Spongebob usefulness out of the clock, but some notion of "HFS the guys are waiting for me right this second i really should start to get ready."

haileybacon = orquiza
poke00210 = me

4:13 PM
poke00210: shitty emily
poke00210: i should take her to the genius bar
poke00210: but what the fuck are they gonna tell me to do? everything that i've done so far
4:15 PM
haileybacon: haha
haileybacon: dude
haileybacon: come over tonight
haileybacon: we'll fix it from scratch
haileybacon: ive nothing else to do tonight anyway
haileybacon: i have airport, the works
haileybacon: this is the genius bar
haileybacon: and...we have pancit
haileybacon: they dont have that in the apple store, do they
poke00210: gotta go back to oakland tonight
poke00210: no pancit, unfortunately
poke00210: although if they did, it'd be shitty, most likely
haileybacon: but youre in the south bay working this week, right?
poke00210: and these little fuckers who just recently jumped on the pancit bandwagon would be trying to sell me on pancit, never mind that i was eating pancit when they were still following the chow mein crowd like the rest of these sheeple Bay Aryans
poke00210: dumb bastards
haileybacon: haha
poke00210: whoa, she looked like my ex from Seattle, only skinnier
haileybacon: hot
poke00210: yep
haileybacon: youre gonna be in the south bay this week working, though, right?
haileybacon: seriously man
poke00210: ooh, mexican/persian in brown
haileybacon: skip a day of commuting and just crash at casa orquiza
poke00210: not sure what she is, pick 'em
haileybacon: my folks like ya anyway
haileybacon: yum
haileybacon: i wanna go persian again
poke00210: grumpy white chicks with big noses
poke00210: hapa looking chick in nice ribbed aqua shirt
poke00210: big boobs
haileybacon: im in the wrong place
poke00210: looks like pepper the stripper
poke00210: cute 15 year old
haileybacon: see, we should be fixing your PB in front of the apple store and checking chicks out as they walk by
poke00210: she was checking out my Tibook
poke00210: yeah dude
poke00210: you gonna be around all of tomorrow?
haileybacon: yeah
haileybacon: im submitting harvard and yale apps online all day tomorrow
poke00210: lemme give you a call when i'm @ work so we can figure out when we can meet up
haileybacon: and recovering from teh holidays
haileybacon: just drop by in the afternoon, seriously
poke00210: ooh, 16 year old chick with too much makeup
haileybacon: im here all day tomorrow
poke00210: chicks in sweatpants
haileybacon: pack a night bag
4:20 PM
haileybacon: and we'll fix your mac and watch MNF
poke00210: actually, i'll probably stay w/my folks tomorrow, my sister's last night in town before she goes back to santa monica
haileybacon: ill make buffalo wings
haileybacon: ooh sister
poke00210: pale japanese chick
haileybacon: k well tuesday works, too
haileybacon: the only plans i have for the week i believe or to watch the holiday bowl with elizabeth and keeper nate
haileybacon: and shereen i think, too
haileybacon: youre welcomed to come if youd like
haileybacon: oh, titia wong, too
poke00210: where you guys going? not sure but i may have plans already
haileybacon: watching it at shereen's apartment in petaluma
poke00210: ahh
poke00210: old guy with bichon frise in a pink hoodie
poke00210: dog in hoodie, not the guy
haileybacon: haha
poke00210: yeah, lemme call you tomorrow
haileybacon: youre outside or in the courtyard?
poke00210: just right outside the store at the leather couches
haileybacon: ah yes
poke00210: good shit, dude
poke00210: Whoa, surfer/sk8er boi
haileybacon: asian?
haileybacon: there are asian varieties of those now
poke00210: oh that one has a squaw valley jacket, he's a boarder
poke00210: all white
poke00210: whoa, a fourth came and joined them
poke00210: goofy looking white guys
poke00210: Ok dude, i'm going into the apple store, gonna talk to the genius bar, maybe
poke00210: dumb assholes
4:25 PM
haileybacon: haha
haileybacon: aiight lates
haileybacon: tell them to stop being so creepy

OK time to go mom's here

all my love,
Tio Jaime

TODAY IS CHRISTMAS

35 INT. BARRACKS--DAY

Recruits standing at attention in two facing rows.
HARTMAN walks between the rows, leading them
in song.


HARTMAN & RECRUITS
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Jesus,
Happy Birthday to you!


HARTMAN
Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic
show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell
you about how the free world will conquer
Communism with the aid of God and a few marines!

God has a hard-on for marines because we kill
everything we see! He plays His games, we play
ours! To show our appreciation for so much power,
we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here
before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart
to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!

Do you ladies understand?


RECRUITS
Sir, yes, sir!


HARTMAN
I can't hear you!


RECRUITS
Sir, yes, sir!







Would anybody like some peanuts?

(TJ: There's a Flannery O'Connor reference in this scene as well.)




(TJ: OK. This last one, as you may have guessed, has nothing to do with Full Metal Jacket. That is Agent Cate Archer from No One Lives Forever as played by Mitzi Martin-- also known as Alien Jumpsuit Chick #1 from the critically acclaimed hit Dude, Where's My Car? I've been playing this game a lot recently on my TiBook. It's like Austin Powers meets Marathon but in hot jumpsuit chick form.)

OK. That's enough for now. I'm tired, and besides, I have to go to sleep or else Santa won't show up.

Fighting the Dirty Fight for you because you're an upstanding Republican on this a very Merry Christmas,
Tio Jaime

PEST or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Lose Respect for my Ex

PEST = Post-Election Selection Trauma

(some background reading for those of you unawares. Sit down, and try not to pee yourself from laughing so goddam much)
Kerry supporters seek therapy in South Florida
Psychologists blast Rush Limbaugh for mocking traumatized Kerry voters

First and foremost, that's extremely shitty that these "clinicians" are gonna fucking devalue Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome by pulling this out of their collective asses.

I think it's a bunch of bullshit. Just a bunch of attention whores who, when presented with incontrovertible facts like "BOO FUCKING HOO Bush won fair and square" refuse to accept the reality of the nation and instead try to convince themselves that the election was stolen and they were robbed.

Or worse yet, they shut their lives down completely and cease to function.

HFS, what a fucking waste of human beings. I don't remember being so distraught when Bill Clinton beat Bob Dole's shitty campaign that I didn't go to class the next day. What the hell is wrong with these people? This is what happens when you allow a hippie culture like the 60s to permeate people's worthless lives, OK? They're gonna fucking have a temper tantrum because shit didn't turn out the way they wanted. Oh that's mature. That's lovely, that's absolutely fucking lovely.

Why the fuck must we coddle people who are mentally incapable of dealing with disappointment? Fucking grow up already! I'm thinking back to when JFK Jr. killed his dish of a wife and a friend of theirs because he felt the need to carry on the Kennedy tradition of drowning people on account of Kennedy arrogance. Holy fucking shit, they interviewed some dumbshit cunt of a housefrau who said she started crying and couldn't get any work done the rest of the day (maybe she wasn't a housefrau after all).

CUNT! she didn't even look old enough to have been alive during the shitty kennedy administration! and HOLY FUCKING SHIT, JFK jr didn't even do anything remotely interesting except for fail the bar exam. Oh, he saluted his dad's fucking coffin, well LMBASOMB that makes him a goddam american hero then doesn't it? Bullshit, that was scripted. Some military officer told that toddler who didn't even know any better to salute.

And don't even get me started on giving JFK lite a military burial at sea. Talk about abusing power for your own personal gain. All you bush hataz out there can go suck a cock on the golden gate bridge because you're too stupid to realize that the democrats have fooled you into thinking that only the republicans do that with their halliburtons. Dumbfucks, all of you.

Fuck. where was i? OK. PEST and you fucking retards out there who created your own malady to justify your stupidity.

I had drinks and dinner (and more drinks) with an ex last night at the Royal Exchange. She was a moderate republican when we dated back in 1997-8. Since then she has graduated from Berkeley, gotten a law degree from Harvard, and become an independent.

Her birthday was 02 November 2004, and she said she "cried herself to sleep that night."

Oh God, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

I asked her, with a shit-eating-grin and a tone dripping with condescension, "Are you suffering from PEST?"

And shit on me and my taste in women. "Not anymore," she replied earnestly.

Dumb [CENSORED 5/4/2005 TJ]. She was depressed about the election. And the bad thing is that she isn't a down-the-ticket Democrat. She's independent.

Holy motherfuck on a stick. DON'T YOU FUCKTARDS HAVE BETTER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT? SORRY, "ABOUT WHICH TO WORRY?" How about you lose sleep over your job, huh? Or your cholesterol! Or that $300 you just lost on the fucking craps table because that stupid cunt couldn't roll a fucking seven to save her goddam life!

Holy fuck, now I'm going to name things that got me more worked up and pissed off than Clinton's reelection back in 96. Look what you're fucking making me do...

(OK i'm gonna challenge myself. gonna name off these sore points without cussing.)

Losing a bet to T at the strip club because the dancer i selected was a lazy hump and didn't sell a dance for an hour and a half. Stupid city of Oakland parking enforcement giving me tickets for barely parking in a red zone. Giants losing to the Angels. Chenelle. Silent Hill 2. Golfing at the Presidio. Missing the first episode of The Amazing Race 5. Flo and Zack winning The Amazing Race 3. Trucking companies who screw up on my jobsite. People driving.

All of these things made me more upset than a presidential election that didn't go my way. If you're still sore about Bush, why don't you go do us all a favor and kill yourself.

On that note, Merry Christmas, I'm gonna get some lunch, return some waddles to WhiteCap, and maybe start the shopping right now.

Seriously though, if you worked yourself up in to a frenzy over the election and are mortally disappointed that bush won, i'm no longer mad at you, i sincerely pity you.

tio jaime

Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much

Ain't war hell? (see closing thought #3)

There was a license plate frame in San Francisco last night parked withing walking distance of the Broadway Showgirls Cabaret. It said, in that self-righteous liberal snottiness that we've all grown to know and love, "MY NEXT LICENSE PLATE WILL BE MADE BY BUSH AND CHENEY" and had a teensy-tiny url for toostupidtobepresident.com. I'm not linking to that shit, if you wanna go there, cut-and-paste yourself.

Anycrap, so 'Trose! parks his BMW behind this Saab with the license plate frame.

So I ripped that little fucker off the saab with my bare goddamned hands. I have it in my apartment and will post a picture soon.

This is why hippies shouldn't be allowed into corporate America:
1) it tore off pretty easily and has stamped on the back "Made in China". well, you get what you paid for, which in this case was a $12.99 beacon that called out "please tear me off this car in a fit of red state guerilla tactics!"
2) why is the URL on the frame so fucking tiny you can't even read it without tearing it off a car? nice job there, fucktards

oh, and if you were perturbed by my previous exclamation of "I LOVE YOU GAYS" rest assured that the phrase is actually a code-phrase for "I did something so bad in the name of the republican party i can't repeat it here on your blog or out loud." This is one of those I Love You Gays cases...

all my love,
tio jaime

Three Simple Words: I AM GAY

As a single, heterosexual male living in lovely Oakland, I look at the bleak dating pool which my native Bay Area has to offer to me and think to myself, "I really should talk to 'Trose! about getting some GRE or GMAT stuff so I can possibly apply to grad school at Texas and find myself a nice co-ed who is just there for her MRS degree."

I remind myself that I'm Republican, and therefore have disqualified myself in the eyes of many a Bay Aryan liberal woman.

Here is a select number of Bay Aryan women (aryannes, perhaps?) who are trolling for a man on Craigslist. Unfortunately, none of them automatically disqualify Republicans. Believe, you, me I looked for them. Usually you can find several of them. I wonder why there were none this go around.

Oh, and stop and think about it if you'd like, but when you say "BelieveYouMe" the only real way to write it out is with all of the commas.

Anycrap, here they are. I don't want any of them, so they're all yours...

"Pee on You" - 26
Most other people would have saved this for last, but not me, oh heck no. It was actually the first I found chronologically, and in any case, I'm going for the Shock and Awe.

The Bay Area really is nice, I wholly recommend you visit and even live here. Shit! I just remembered what I wanted to mention in yesterday's rant-tastic post! FLYOVER COUNTRY BEGINS IN CONCORD, CALIFORNIA. Officer Vic on KSFO's morning show mentioned this, and HFS, it's true. (for you non-bay aryans: concord is a suburb located approximately 30 miles east of the City, take the bay bridge to 580 to 24 to 680 north. welcome to middle america, you blue state fuckups...)

If Physics Excites You..... - 61
Oh shit. What is it with physics? I think these dumb fuckwad hippies are just trying to seem smart.

Looking for man with MBA degree - 25
It's really only a matter of time before this girl starts stripping. Best Russian stripper in the Jimmy League is Naomi (Broadway Showgirls), followed by Chanel (H-Club. not Chenelle. also, may be retired.)

Naomi has nice legs, wears Bulgari perfume. Really nice legs.

SWF looking for Indian Man WITHOUT Indian accent - 25
Oh yay, she's "liberal" and "openminded [sic]" but she doesn't want somebody with an accent. Don't like third world immigrants, do you? You fucking liberal hypocrite. That's typical. I bet there are a lot of FOBs who are "creative, adventurous, sociable, introspective, (and) intelligent". This is what happens when you Can't Understand Normal Thinking. Shallow whore.

DESIRABLE ASIAN FEMALE SEEKS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIP - 22
HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU MUST BE A VERY SMALL ASIAN WOMAN TO BE YELLING SO LOUD ON THIS OUR BELOVED INTERNET. DO YOU MAKE GOOD FLIED LICE?

(TJ: OK for those of you not in the know, I'm asian myself. Don't get your panties in a bunch. Or hopefully, you're wearing boyshorts. My stripper Grace wore granny panties one night. It was pretty cute. Did i say "asian"? I meant "oriental". I'm Oriental myself.)

I'm Dreaming of a Pearl Necklace... - 46
Whoa. I thought this was just some dumb housefrau who didn't know the ejaculatory implications of what she wrote. Turns out she knew perfectly. And now I have a semi.

Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. - 23
Unfortunately, I was disqualified at the word "aquarius" having been born on 27 february. And dammit, because she likes scotch! And steak! and aww shit... requires that I don't like hippies! FUCK YOU, ZODIAC! YOU GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

***cries into hard hat***

And HFS, I've never had these thoughts before, but damn those feet are hot!

A Good Man is Hard to Find... - 33
Kinda anti-climactic, sorry. But I was hoping this was a Flannery O'Connor reference.

Why yes, I am an engineer who has read Flannery O'Connor. Can't remember where I put her when I moved into my new apartment, but she's around here somewhere.

That's all for now. If you can find me the Homer Simpson sound of him saying "I'm not gay, but I'll learn" please to be sending it to me, as I'll most likely use it instead of the one above...

all my love,
Tio Jaime, EIT

I've never hugged a tree

(That's a reference to one of those commercials advertising California as a dope-assed place to do business. Why I, as a Californian living in California, saw this ad on my TV is beyond me. I already live here and pay taxes here. You don't need to hustle me anymore.)

if you look in the right margin of SHoP, i'm quoted as saying something about reducing consumption of products that are grown specifically for consumption. The original post is here.

Well, in the spirit of Christmas and in response to the environmentalists who are undoubtedly leading one of the anti-Christmas brigades... the same applies to Christmas Trees. We aren't cutting down trees out of the Shasta Fucking National Forest. There are Christmas Tree farms within driving distance of the Bay Area.

If you stupid blue state Bay Aryans would pull your heads out of each others' asses every once in a while and leave the politically correct confines of the urban jungle, you'd realize that most of California doesn't fucking like you because you say stupid things like, "This is genocide, killing these trees to further Christianity in America!"

(No, a bay aryan didn't actually say that. Yet.)

A handful of closing thoughts...

1) There is no separation of Church and State. You pull out a copy of the Constitution and tell me where it says that. If you can find it, well LMBASOMB, I'll write a letter to Chief Justice Rehnquist offering him oral pleasure if he can do away with the dreaded electoral college.
1-addendum) I'm not gay. I'm just trying to make a point here.
2) There is a massive assault on Christmas this year. Don't say I didn't fucking warn you about the secular liberals. If you're mad, fucking do something about it. spray paint crosses. spray paint out "Seasons Greetings" on a storefront and write "Merry Christmas" underneath
3) You goddam hippies are gonna fucking pay. You mark my words. And I'm gonna fucking hit you where it counts: San Fran-fucking-cisco. You think you're safe? You think you're surrounded by people who agree with your hypocritical message of one-sided tolerance? Fuck you. You go straight to hell. There may be thousands of you and one of me, but put this in your medicinal marijuana pipe and smoke it: I AM ALL THE CONSERVATIVE RIGHT NEEDS TO GET YOUR ATTENTION.
4) Merry Christmas. Shit, I gotta do all my shopping. That's what happens when you work two weekends in a row.
5) Kyoto solves nothing. Wake the fuck up. I'll post more about this later...

all my love,
Tio Jaime

oh look i'm here for my 15th consecutive day @ work. yay.

No Don and Mike for the rest of the year, they're on vacation. And if you're curious, Mon-dee and Fri-dee and Satur-dee and pretty much any dee of the week? That's from the D&M show. listen to their intro...

here's another thing i took from YoImErin's xanga page...

and I've prepped a quick FAQ to anticipate your SHoPping needs...

Q: Don't you usually post this kinda shit on your xanga page?
A: Yes, but I'm doing you a favor by putting this on a blog that doesn't have "One Night in Bangkok" embedded in the background in MIDI form

Q: I thought you would have learned your lesson from YoImErin's last questionnaire you put on SHoP.
A: OK. That's not in the form of a question, you chicken fucker. And besides, isn't it more fun when i'm frustrated because i tend to use naughty language?

Q: Yeah, i guess so.
A: That's what I thought.

Q: OK.
A: OK, then.

Q: I miss Vegas.
A: Yeah, me too... Save the date, dude. Friday 13 May 2005. Vicetivus V.

Q: Dude, I'm so there!
A: I know, dude!

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

Q: Dude! What does mine say?
A: Sweet! What about mine?

**********
A is for age: 26
B is for brand of clothes: Big Dogs
C is for career: Construction Engineer
D is for dad's name: Ed
E is for essential item to bring to a party: Monica Bellucci
F is for favorite song at this moment:
G is for girlfriend: currently accepting applications
H is for hometown: San Jose, CA
I is for instruments you play: piano, glockenspiel
J is for jam or jelly you like: Smuckers grape
K is for kids: one of these days
L is for living arrangement: studio in lovely Oakland, CA
M is for mom's name: Jean
N is for name of your best friend: yeah because Best and Friend both start with the letter N. how about N is for "Nice job, fucktard." 'Trose, Link, Mitch... pick 'em
O is for overnight hospital stays: nope
P is for phobia(s): homos and minorities HEY JUST KIDDING!!! umm, i'm gonna say heights
Q is for quote you like: "What's better than this apple cobbler? It's Gladys Potter, the gonad gobbler!"
Q [sic] is for relationship that lasted the longest: Megan! yay!
S is for school you attend: I attend the School of Life with my stripper Rose.
T is for time you wake up: 5am. Construction world starts @ 7am
U is for unique trait: crap, you got me
V is for vegetable you love: corn
W is for worst habit: goofing off online, blogging when i really should be filling in equipment reports
X is for x-rays you've had: teeth
Y is for yummy food you make: WTF kinda stupid question is this? "yummy food [i] make?" tuna casserole, baby, right out of the box
Z is for zodiac sign: Pisces

Dude Where's My Weekend? or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Satur-dee!

So I was driving to work this morning for the second Satur-dee in a row when I heard "One Night in Bangkok" on the radio on the Totally 80s weekend on San Jose's KEZR...

And after a bit of hunting, ONiB has a new home on my xanga blog in the triumphant Return of the MIDI!!! (Caveat: Don't spend too long there as my intentional cheesiness doesn't sit well with some of my pussy friends. You may feel the same way... TJ)

I'm still here at work. In San Jose. I'm not golfing in San Diego with SixH as was planned for the past fucking month. Dammit.

all my love,
Tio J

Fri-dee! or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Procrastination

I got this off of YoImErin's xanga page... I'll have something more SHoP-tastic later for y'all. Enjoy!

**********
Your Porn Star Name (name of first pet + street you live on):
Dinky Glen

Your Movie Star Name (name of your favorite snack food + grandfathers first name):
Cornnuts Augusto (TJ: I think I fucked it up...)

Your Fashion Designer Name (your first name + favorite restaurant):
Jimmy Joe's of Westlake

Exotic Foreigner Alias (favorite spice + last foreign vacation spot):
Lawry's Seasoned Salt Vancouver (TJ: Who the fuck made this up?)

Socialite Alias (silliest childhood name + town where you first partied):
Battle Horse Berkeley (TJ: This post is gonna suck...)

"Fly Girl" Alias ex. J.Lo (first initial + first two or three letters of your last name):
J-Da

Icon Alias (something sweet within sight + any liquid within kitchen):
Raid Orange Juice (TJ: I'm in my office trailer on a goddam construction site. Gimme a fucking break here, huh?)

Detective Alias (favorite baby animal + where you went to highschool):
Puppy Bellarmine (TJ: "i knew i shouldn't have jaxored before this post")

Soap Opera Alias (middle name + street where you first lived):)
Jordan Abbott (TJ: This was the porn star name, last time i checked with the rest of the freaking world)

Rock Star Alias (favorite candy + last name of favorite musician):
Twix Crow

Star Wars Alias
For Your New First Name..
1. Take the first 3 letters of your 1st name & add
2. The first 2 letters of your last name
For Your New Last Name..
3. Then take the first 2 letters of your mom's maiden name & add
4. The first 3 letters of the city you were born.
How to determine your Star Wars honorific name & title..
1. Take the last three letters of your last name & reverse them.
2. Add the name of the first car you drove/owned.
3. Insert the word "of"
4. Add the name of the last medication or supplement you took.

JamDa AtMou, ocsTacoma of LongsGenericNasalDecongestant
(***shakes head in disbelief***)

GFY Thursday: Pablo Paredes

Not enough can be said about this chump. The following is from the 760 KFMB website:

"Navy Deserter Pablo Paredes' fan club of wacko liberal peace activists is holding a rally of support for him in front of the Navy Region Southwest headquarters at the corner of Harbor and Broadway, in downtown San Diego, this Saturday, December 18. The Rick Roberts Show is joining with Protest Warrior to counter-protest. They will be there at 12:15, and stay until the seditionists go home."

So, I guess the question is, does Tio Jaime want to go golfing that day or possibly meet the Goth/Hipster chick he's been fawning over the past month?

Oooh...You touch my tra la la. My ding ding dong.

I haven't figured out if this guy is serious. No matter, it's a catchy tune with a catchy song phrase, and you'll be laughing all the while. They're putting some crazy stuff in the water in Sweden. Some of you may have already seen this, but it's worth a post. Oooh, you touch my tra la la.

Yay for Gay!

OK just took another Gay Test!

Dammit! I'm a Gay!

And now a word on social awareness...

We are not homophobic as long as "homophobia" is defined as "the fear of gays and lesbians". If you extend the definition to "the fear and resent..." then well yes, we're homophobic. But serious, man, do some etymologicial homework. Resent isn't fear.

I resent many races, religions, sexual persuasions/perversions, holy crap, you name it. This is human nature; to resent that which is dissimilar to yourself is not unnatural. I think it is entirely possible to dislike a segment of the populace without fearing them.

And really, on that note, I only dislike the uber-flaming, attention-whore homosexuals. That's just annoying. Take that super-fruity one on Queer Eye. Man, that little fucker was annoying. If you didn't find him annoying, you are without a doubt a social retard. I don't care if you're gay or not, chances are you wanted to run that little twit with a goddam truck.

"OMG, Tio Jaime, you are so prejudice!"

Oh Lord. First off, the word is prejudiced. Think adjective versus noun. You good to go? S'OK, take all the time you need. This child of immigrants will wait for you...

Doo dee doo.

La La La! It's the Don and Mike Show!

Second, my disdain is also easily seen towards the overly-heterosexual, so don't get your panties in a bunch. Guys who sit at the rail @ the strip club and hoot and holler and are rowdy as if they've never seen a naked girl before also make me want to commit felonious acts of vehicular manslaughter.

Or even then, not necessarily naked. Lately, I've been a fan of boyshorts. Stockings are nice too. As an engineer, stockings and garters are hot because that just means more doo-dads to fiddle around with. A bit of structural analysis too, if you can find the right girl. Lemme dust off my CE 120 textbook.

Sorry, where was I?

Ah, yes. Rowdy frat boys bug the shit out of me.

It's like this: Hey, I realize you're gay/straight/white/black/hispanic/asian/catholic/protestant/jewish/atheist/rich/poor/male/female already. I don't give a fuck, and chances are, you're bugging the shit out of me. Now sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up and watch this next girl on stage. She's new. Look at her awkward pole tricks.

God bless us every one!
Tio Jaime

GFY Tuesday: Michael Moore

The pig finally made GFY day! One of many, I'm sure.

I guess he hasn't learned his lesson yet. His few supporters seem to have convinced him that some sort of "silent majority" is behind him and his views, as shown by the following:

The days of trying to move the Democratic Party to the right are over. We lost a very close election (a one-state difference) by running the #1 liberal in the Senate. Not bad. The country is shifting in our direction, not to the right. But the country was attacked and people were scared. They were manipulated with fear. And America has never thrown a sitting president out during wartime. That’s the facts. Oh, and our candidate could have run a better campaign (but we’ll have that discussion another day).

Someone who bitched and moaned about the 2000 election's electoral college system and the fact Bush lost the popular vote now uses the electoral college to defend how "close" the 2004 election was? See what a manipulator this guy is, folks? And, okay, Mike. What, exactly, is your "direction"? The gutter? The fact is, most people in this country don't have a particular party allegiance. This president has been very controversial in the first place, from day one. And he still won the last election. If you're going to claim the country was "manipulated with fear", you have to include the Democratic party in that accusation as well. Sorry, no amount of discounting 9/11 and saying that there is no terrorist threat will let me forget that day.

More craziness...You comparing yourself to a domestic violence victim is not only absurd, but an injustice to actual domestic violence victims:

Any battered woman in America, any oppressed person around the globe who has defied her oppressor will tell you this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are in good company. You are safe. You are not alone. You are strong. You must change only one thing: Stop responding to the abuser.

What?! You can't be serious! And look at this excerpt from one of his books to see what he really thinks of you:

They [People elsewhere in other industrialized democracies] live in reality, where there are only going to be a few rich people, and you are not going to be one of them. So get used to it... Listen, friends, you have to face the truth. You are never going to be rich. The chance of that happening is about one in a million. Not only are you never going to be rich, but you are going to have to live the rest of your life busting your butt just to pay the cable bill and the music and arts classes for your kid at the public school where they used to be free.

What a great message, Michael. My life sucks, I need help, and the government is the only one who can help me. Thank you.

Anyone in this country can pull themselves up. It's all a question of will. It's that spirit and freedom which has made this country great and why the rest of the world can't catch up. I suggest you move out of your posh NYC residence, take your kid out of private school, and move your fat ass to Europe for a couple years. Spending a few weeks in Cannes does not make you a recognized European socio-expert. Afterwards, YOU tell ME if it's so much better and if you still want to live there. Hey, better yet, I'll tell you something right now: GFY. I'm sure it won't be the last time.

Minnesota elector breaks ranks, votes for Edwards, not Kerry

Dissension among the ranks?! Say it ain't so, Hillary!

Yeah, they suck this year...but what're you gonna do.

Something interesting my dad noticed about the 49ers after yesterday's win:

-(so far) only two games won this season
-both wins against the Arizona Cardinals
-both wins in overtime
-both wins were the score of 31-28

That's gotta be some kind of record there. God knows, there aren't that many that have been broken by the Niners this year...except for the ones that exemplify their suckiness. People call this a "rebuilding year" for the niners. I call it a rebuilding decade.

Google: The Next Generation

The next generation Google? It's incredible what They're doing these days. Try it out! When you start typing in the text box, it's almost like the inline-complete feature first seen in Internet Explorer. Crazy stuff.

Pro Bono on the Weekend, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Give Up My Saturdays

I was gonna post about commercials that annoyed me, but I fell asleep here in the trailer. I got to work this morning [COUGHsaturday!] at around 730 as the City told me friday afternoon that they were sending an inspector today. I have to call in at 830 to see when the inspection is scheduled.

I visit the crew, go back to the trailer to try to find out when the inspector is coming over, so i try playing the phone game with the City's automated system,

"There are no inspections scheduled for that permit number today."

SHIT. ON. ME.

I've been napping in the trailer off and on (since me and the boys returned from the City and the H-Club and the Cabaret around 2am and I had to get up around 630). But no wacky, ranty post about commercials. Suffice it to say-- and this will sound weird coming from somebody who was once known for his sharp parodies-- the worst thing about the Christmas season is the unending litany of retard commercials that tweak the lyrics to Christmas carolls.

They aren't funny. They make me want to stab people. Which you might find funny, true, but not necessarily at this time of year.

OK, a couple of things though, if only to show that I'm thinking of all of you out there in the SHoP

http://www.ihaveacrazywife.com
I haven't had too much time to explore the site since I put on the "Lovely (NSFW)" skin and haven't scrolled down past the banner. Damn, that's hot. Who is that?!? If you're familiar with your Jimmy, you'll know that he's more of a leg-and-butt kinda guy, not a boob kinda guy. But HOLY FUCKING SHIT those are nice boobs.

And if i like the purple teddy, does that make me a Gay?

Also, I've had puppies on the brain a lot recently.

But apparently, so do all other straight men. I'm not worried.

all my love,
tio jaime

ps- great. now one of my mexicans wants some acetylene for tomorrow. Unfortunately it's 440pm on a saturday afternoon... this could be shitty

I must be gay. I have a thing for kitchen appliances.

I just got this today at the Marine Corps Exchange, brand new. It's a 6 QT, 575 Watt KitchenAid Professional 600 series mixer...for $198. Tax included. If you know anything about kitchen appliances, you know that's a great deal. That's right. If kitchen mixers were like cars, this would be a BMW 760. I'm the freakin' king, baby. Wanna lick my beater? Ya know ya wanna.

Oh, and by the way. I saw Ocean's Twelve last night. It sucked. Stay as far away from this movie as possible. The directors must've thought that if you threw about 6 or 7 famous actors together, you'd get something good--just like the futile Shakespeare analogy of putting a million monkeys in a room with a typewriter. It insults your intelligence--the whole "Julia Roberts look-alike" notion left me shaking my head for the rest of the movie. There is no plot. And I'm sorry to say, the heist you expect in this movie is WHOLLY inadequate and anticlimactic. If the idea of wasting eight bucks weren't so revolting to me, I would've walked out. Watching a million monkeys in a room beating the crap out of each other...and, well, throwing crap at each other...would've been far more entertaining.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Got gay?

33% gay. Not half bad. Thanks to Six Meat Buffet for the link to this test

GFY Thursday: Atheists with nothing else better to do

I found this interesting. Perhaps this will, at the very least, make those Cupertino, CA atheists stop bitching about the "endowed by our creator" line in the US Declaration of Independence and leave our already sucky public school system alone. And next is the Boy Scouts? What is wrong with these morons? How about going after the KKK or Fundamental Islamists who pervert religion to serve their own screwed up agendas? An honorable organization that supports good, decent values such as the Boy Scouts of America certainly don't deserve to be torn down by atheists who have nothing else better to do. When was the last time you heard of a Boy Scout sawing some poor guy's head off with a knife or burn a cross on some guy's lawn? You're goddam right.

And why do people really have nothing else better to do than complain about a 228 year old important piece of US history? Because life isn't interesting enough for them! Tell ya what. We need an ebola outbreak or a hostile alien invasion, or something. That'll SURELY put this crap to the freakin' bottom of the list of relevant topics. And at the very least, I'm sure that some of 'em will definitly pray that there is a God....so that he can save their atheist asses when the blood starts flowing out of their eyeballs.

Hey, LOOKIE! Celebrity Athiests! As I look through the list, I am not surprised.

A useful California Democrat!!!

Sen. Dianne Feinstein had the following to say on the floor of the Senate yesterday (entire transcript here):

"Mr. President, I rise today to express my concerns about college football's Bowl Championship Series and the formula used to select teams to play in the major bowls at the end of the season.

Despite having one of their best seasons in years, the University of California at Berkeley Golden Bears were denied an opportunity to play the University of Michigan in the Rose Bowl on New Years Day, and will instead play Texas Tech in the Holiday Bowl on December 30 in San Diego."

At first I thought this was urban legend, but then lo and behold, this is actual Congressional transcript!

Unfortunately, I have abandoned the Yale Blue of California as it reminds me too much of the strife that is the modern-day American liberal. Despite the ties to my alma mater's cross-bay rival Stanfurd, I will be adopting red as one of my favorite colors. (I will still remain partial towards the California Gold.)

As my affinity for my political beliefs outweighs my affinity for my alma mater (at least for the moment), I am led to the following conclusion: Leave it to a Stanfurd Democrud to waste taxpayer time by attempting to suck up to Golden Bears across the nation on the Senate floor. It's just football you dumbshit.

Senator Feinstein's following comment is erroneous and shows a lack of understanding of the Pac-10:

"If the top team from the Pac Ten cannot play in the Rose Bowl because it is playing for the national title, fans expect to see the next best school from the conference take its place.

And, make no mistake about it, Cal has earned a right to play in the Rose Bowl."

No, and definitely no. I do not want Cal's return to the Rose Bowl to be tarnished forever with the dreaded asterisk. Neither should you.

Go Bears

Craftin'!, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Go To War With The Army I Have

"Say, friendly zergling rush, can you wait a few minutes such that I might climb the tech tree and perhaps better place a bunker? Thanks, dudes!"



HOLY FUCKING SHIT

War waits for no man. And certainly not for armored Humvees.

I can understand a soldier being pissed that he's being sent to war with insufficient armor, but am becoming increasingly incensed at the media for painting this soldier as some kind of crusader. The next thing you know, they'll have him testifying in front of Congress that we're a bunch of baby-killers.

All I needed to know about war, I learned from Starcraft

The following is a log from a recent IM conversation between Tio Jaime and SixHertz (10 minutes ago). Crazy how great minds think alike. ;)

[16:07.07] Tio Jaime: hey you got a second?
[16:09.03] SixHertz: yo
[16:09.11] Tio Jaime: you should blog about rumsfeld
[16:09.17] Tio Jaime: in particular...
[16:09.37] Tio Jaime: In Washington, Democratic Sen. Christopher Dodd (news, bio, voting record) of Connecticut called Rumsfeld's comments about the armor "stunning," and said in a letter to the secretary, "Your response -- 'You go to war with the Army you have' -- is utterly unacceptable."
[16:10.09] Tio Jaime: you *do* go to war with the army you have
[16:10.33] SixHertz: wow, dodd said that?
[16:10.39] SixHertz: what a f***ing grandstander.
[16:10.56] SixHertz: these bastards never played starcraft before.
[16:10.59] Tio Jaime: what happens when the Zerg are trying to overrun your position? do you wait for your three barracks to spit out another squad of marines?
[16:11.09] Tio Jaime: EXACTLY
[16:11.10] SixHertz: 'cause just by playing starcraft, I know more about war than these dumbass senators.
[16:11.15] Tio Jaime: THANK YOU
[16:11.19] SixHertz: LOL
[16:11.34] Tio Jaime: check the time stamp! i was thinking the exact same thing!
[16:11.40] Tio Jaime: fuck, just post this on your blog
[16:11.44] SixHertz: "All I needed to know about war I learned from Starcraft"
[16:12.00] SixHertz: copy and paste with your timestamp on this buffer.
[16:12.03] Tio Jaime: OK
[16:12.07] SixHertz: I don't have seconds on mine right now.
[16:12.10] Tio Jaime: i'll edit out our names
[16:12.17] SixHertz: I'll do it. No worries.
[16:12.32] SixHertz: I gotta bleep out my french.
[16:13.27] Tio Jaime: you want the original rummy quote?
[16:13.33] SixHertz: sure.
[16:13.39] Tio Jaime: OK
[16:14.00] Tio Jaime: and for those of you in SHoP land, the URL to the article is http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=615&e=2&u=/nm/20041208/pl_nm/iraq_usa_rumsfeld_dc
[16:14.12] Tio Jaime: Rumsfeld conceded that "not every vehicle has the degree of armor that it would be desirable for it to have," and said the Army was hurrying to provide more armored vehicles, adding 400 per month.
[16:14.20] Tio Jaime: But Rumsfeld added, "As you know, you go to war with the Army you have, not the Army you might want or wish to have at a later time."
[16:14.23] Tio Jaime: yeah dude
[16:14.29] SixHertz: sweet.
[16:14.40] Tio Jaime: that was weird.... the starcraft analogy came to me mere seconds before you typed it
[16:14.50] Tio Jaime: I LOVE YOU GAYS
[16:14.53] SixHertz: hahaha

Flighty San Francisco Women, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love M---- whoa whoa whoa, hold on there...

My friend says you can glean a lot of information on a region by reading its CL personals...

And so, here is a slice of the craziness that is the Single Bay Aryan Woman...

1) I Want a Cowboy - 22 (berkeley)
This seems promising what with the title and my newfound affinity for cowboy boots, belt buckles and country music... but upon further review, the play stands: Can't Understand Normal Thinking

At the very least, we can safely conclude that the liberal men that this woman regularly dates are all dickless pussies. She wants that machismo which blue america so frowns upon. But she can't fully come to grips with the fact that her sexually repressed primal urges can only be successfully satiated by a dripping-with-testosterone man's man. "feminist cowboy?" gimme a fucking break

2) I'm ALL YOURS, as long as you have an AIRCRAFT - 30 (marina / cow hollow)
Oh boy... for those of you unawares about SF Bay geography, Marin is on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge, very rich and affluent. That having been said, how many physics majors do you know live in rich, quaint towns and own yachts or planes and own houses in france? WTS, even if the physics is an add-on, why?!? Just what do you plan to discuss with a physicist, you dippy dumbfuck?

Oh, a "militant non-smoker" great. Read: selfish nazi whore-beast who will think she knows more about everything than you could ever possibly hope to know in your pathetic, ambivalent-towards smoking life

OMG, do you think that l'il ole me can join the club of people who wanted to bone you?

This chick sounds arrogantly French. Alors, jolie, va te faire foutre...

3) Idealist ready for World Travel, Picket Fences, and Enduring Romance - 27 (inner richmond)
(oh jesus, i saw that one and i got excited! this is gonna be great!)

Hmm. Well, actually, this is pretty endearing. Oh, she seems like a very nice, down-to-earth girl.

She's pretty cute, too... hey, vegas!

Wow, she's pretty articulate and self-aware. Not very flighty at all! Guess the title threw me for a loop there. Heh, OK i chuckled at the "heart, mind, and palm pilot" line.

Well damn, she's actually written a very thoughtful ad. Maybe i'll e-mail tomorrow when i have more time.

Ok one more, now that the wind has been duly evacuated from my sails...
4) turn ons and turn offs - 25
OK here's the one i was looking for... this is typical Bay Aryan. Note the listing of republican as turn-off. doesn't like fag-haters, doesn't like yuppies in the Marina (yet still likes "native san franciscans" what a elitist cunt. no offense, T). oh, and she doesn't like self-centerdness [sic]??? what a hypocritical dumbfuck

i like though, how she doesn't like capital letters. i've abandoned them in informal use since my sophomore year

What a pretentious bitch-wad.

I can see why so many guys around here go Gay.

all my love,
Tio Jaime

This is just weird

CNN.com - From cell phone to sunflower

Pretty soon, they'll be making edible cell phones.

Speed Read

Well, finally finished. As a good friend of mine said aptly, The DaVinci Code is "irritatingly addictive". With a ridiculous number of chapters (107, including the prologue and epilogue) for a book with proportionally fewer number of pages, and a climax ending most every one of them, the book begs to be read as quickly as possible. It raises interesting possibilities about the background of the Catholic Church and its faith, and the blurring of fact and fiction in the story is spectacular. I found myself using the internet to search for portraits of famous works to see if they coincided with the storyline, and was pleasantly surprised. True, the book may be one giant conspiracy of a story, but it's a good one. And if you haven't read it yet, what are you waiting for?

Why do people do these? How bored must you be on a Friday to do one of these?

These surveys are normally promulgated over Xanga, but I figured, what the hey.
1. Your name spelled backwards: Nosaj.
2. Where were your parents born? Azores
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? What I thought was a new album, but turned out to be porn in a zip file. Great.
4. What's your favorite restaurant? An unassuming family-owned Italian restaurant in Norfolk, VA called Castaldi's...and Vinnie Testa's in Boston.
5. Last time you swam in a pool? July.
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Nope.
7. How many kids do you want? A few.
8. Type of music you dislike most? The type that plays on Mexican radio stations when you're driving in the middle of nowhere and that's the only choice you have.
9. Are you registered to vote? If you've visited this site before, you probably know the answer to this one.
10. Do you have cable? Yup. And HDTV channels, too.
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope. No desire to.
12. Ever prank call anybody? Yes.
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Yes. Fought it, and didn't have to pay it. Bwhaahah
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Only if I implicitly trusted the guy who packed my chute or attached the cord.
15. Farthest place you ever traveled: I've circumnavigated the World in all my travels. Australia, Asia, the Middle East. Take your pick.
16. Do you have a garden? Nope.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Calvin and Hobbes.
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes. And the Portuguese national anthem...yes, in portuguese.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Showers. Always timed after a workout.
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Team America: World Police
21. Favorite pizza topping? Umm...tough one. Barbeque chicken.
22. Chips or popcorn? Depends. I don't eat much of either anymore...unless it's tortilla chips and salsa...so, yes: Chips.
23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? Who on earth would do this? How stupid.
24. Orange Juice or apple? Orange.
25. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? Two people, not one. Il Fornaio's, on Coronado Island, after the Hotel Del's Christmas Tree Lighting.
26. Favorite type chocolate bar? Oh, man...tough question. It was dark chocolate from France.
27. When was the last time you voted at the polls? 1996. I vote absentee.
28. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Wow...it's been a while. Maybe 2 years.
29. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes. I earn medals, now.
30. Are you a good cook? Oh, yes.
31. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Now I am beginning to wonder who wrote this survey. No more full service stations in CA that I know of.
32. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Never have, never will.
33. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Only the proudest uniform anyone can ever wear.
34. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? I don't remember.
35. Ever throw up in public? Yes.
36. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? I'd rather take a shot at both.
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope.
38. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My Grandmother.
39. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Much more now than before, that's for sure.
40. What message is on your answering machine? "Auuugh! I've been shot!" C'mon.
41. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? Toonces the Driving Cat.
42. What was the name of your first pet? Paco
43. What is one thing you are grateful for today? Spam. The mail formerly known as lunchmeat.

Hey, you little Michigan Shit, where are you now huh?

I didn't know Acinerba had a blogspot blog, let alone one with a post as fucking rad as this one oh shit yeah

Which only pushes the question, "Hey you little Michigan Shit, where are you now huh?"

You know who you are. You thought you were such hot shit when this dumb red-state foulmouthed construction asshole asked you what retard school you went to...

"Thank you for asking. University of Michigan, 3rd best engineering program in the nation"

Nevermind that the rank of 3rd officially belongs to Stanfurd University, but that TioJaime's UC Berkeley and Six Hertz's MIT were #2 and #1 respectively. So put that in your Big Ten pipe and smoke it.

Oh, and you better pray that the football gods side with me and we get bumped to the Holiday Bowl. And then good luck with U$C, you dumb Blue and Maize bastards

WTF kind of color is that anyway??? You and those bastard Cardinal deserve each other. Along with U$C's Crimson and Gold.

dumbfucks, all of you

Tio Jaime

ps- "TJ, why so pissed off tonight?" F MY POO I'M STILL AT WORK AND I THINK WE'RE WORKING UNTIL 10PM TONIGHT. FRIIII-DEEE! F!

Water Cooler Talk

Just found out she works in the building next door from ours. A few of my coworkers went to the Naval Academy with her. Still wish the niners were doing better this year, though. At least they'll get a first round draft next year, if they don't blow it.

Let's see Al Jazeera run this story a hundred times.

Al Jazeera covers the marine who was protecting himself and his squadmates from a terrorist illegally using a Mosque in Iraq, playing the video about 300 times. Do you think they'll cover this one as much?

Suicide bombers crash van into mosque
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Four suicide bombers drove a minibus loaded with explosives into a northern Baghdad Shiite mosque early Friday, killing 14 civilians, many who had gathered for morning prayers, police said.

The bombing was part of a wave of simultaneous attacks in Baghdad that killed 25 people, including 11 Iraqi police officers killed in an attack on their station, in
addition to the bombers.

Dr. Sabah Kadhim, senior adviser to Iraq's minister of the interior, said 19 civilians were wounded in the mosque attack in the Sunni al-Adhamiya neighborhood.

At about the same time as the bombing, insurgents fired five rockets at the al-Adhamiyah police station, but no injuries were reported.

Another Baghdad police station came under attack.

An Iraqi police officer from al-Bayaa police station in the al-Amil district said more than 20 insurgents, driving 11 vehicles, stormed the station, carrying rocket-propelled grenades and small arms. Eleven Iraqi police officers were killed and five others wounded.

The insurgents also freed more than 20 prisoners in a cell at the police station, which straddles the road to the Baghdad airport. The road has become one of the city's bloodiest locations.

Double standards, baby.

The Da Vinci Code

Well, I'm finally, FINALLY getting around to reading this one. If you haven't read it yet, consider this an endorsement. I'm a quarter of the way through, and though I'm tired as hell right now, I don't want to go to bed 'cause I want to read some more chapters. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow morning with keyboard keys imprinted on my face. That's always a good start to the morning...that and my french-pressed coffee. I can't have it any other way. Oh God, I'm rambling. I'm about two steps short of hallucinating. G'night.

I am honored by this one:

Take a look at the first site that pops up with this search on google:

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts

Too cool.

Iran-Suicide Bombers

Iran-Suicide Bombers: "200 pledge willingness to carry out suicide attacks against Americans, Israelis"

Super. This is one f---ed up religion.

I am a bitter, bitter grumpy-assed fart of an Old Blue

I have said it before, and I will say it again here, what with SixH's higher profile:

I DO NOT WANT MY ALMA MATER, THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA GOLDEN BEARS TO GO TO THE ROSE BOWL THIS YEAR.

When asked by other Old Blues, "OK so when can we go to the Rose Bowl?" I am quick to answer, "When and only when my eldest daughter is marching Glockenspiel for the Cal Band."

Ideally, I'll be the Cal Band Announcer by then. And no, I didn't plan for some weird Locher thing, that's just a sick coincidence...

Go Bears, let's clinch the Holiday Bowl!
TioJaime

GFY Thursday: Canadian Bush Protesters

Not much to say here. I know that one of the reasons I, as well as a few other folks I know, voted for Bush was to make people like these infuriated. And how fortunate! It worked! What's particularly bothersome to me is how a third of the crowd in this protest were children. As if parents had nothing else better to do than to drag their kids out of school and protest a President that wasn't even their own. Last time I checked, Canada had 0 electoral college votes. Is that a GAP jacket you're wearing, commie? Oh, no! Down with corporate America!

When these hippie and commie parents reach 60 and are still smoking pot and bitching about politicians, I think their 20-something children will magically realize the error of their ways, and tell them off. But for now, I'll do it for them. Did you hear that, you silly Canadian hippie? GFY!

Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego

Outside of Hotel Del Coronado for their Annual Christmas Tree lighting event. Tonight was its 100th anniversary. It was, in 1904, the first ever electrically lit outdoor Christmas Tree.