Commemoration of SixH's b-day in Las Vegas!!!

LIVE FROM THE BUSINESS CENTER OF THE IMPERIAL PALACE IN LOVELY LAS VEGAS, NV...

Unfortunately, SixHertz is not with us to celebrate. In Vegas... sorry, it sounded like "SixH is no longer with us". Anycrap, here's some pics for you to enjoy.

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[update date=20050717 time=0859]
Back from Vegas. God, do I love Vegas. Here's one more photo-update as i get ready to take a shower and comemmorate 51 consecutive hours between sleep periods. I've been awake since getting up for work at 6am on Fri-dee. I think I'm gonna sleep until I have to get up for work on Mon-dee.

And I think I broke the seal only just now in Oakland. I dunno. The past 30 hours have been a bit of a blur.
[/update]

Snark-blogging

You have been saved, SHoP, from 3am Criticisms of The Amazing Race 8. Looks like i've missed the season premiere. Although I can't find any record of it anywhere... maybe i misread something on the House of Snark

butin the meantime, here are two quizzes from the Snark's recent posts...

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Diseased Belly Dancer. Where You Lived: Tibet. How You Died: In Childbirth.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Overall, Your Observation Skills Get: B+

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time) And it takes something big to distract you!

How Observant Are You?

Hope all is well. I'll send trackback pings tomorrow when i'm not as sleepy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Prime material

Just discovered my new co-worker worked for the Howard Dean campaign.

Won't this be fun.

i just want to feed her candy and buy her expensive things

i miss lauren. I'm going to UT-Austin to find a wife. Oh, and to get my master's... but wouldn't you rather I blog about a hot texan as opposed to homework?

ooh allison mack! your tio jaime is watching the beginning of smallville right now as i write this intro... ooh allison mack

jihad jimmy, minister of war crimes and chief defender of the faith

Live 3am Criticism of Ashtard Kutcher's Beauty and the Geek... The Aftermath!

You are now in chat room “AIMisRetarded.” JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:57:51 PM): OK so i've already demonstrated that I'm a tard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:57:53 PM): but here's another one JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:58:01 PM): i missed the season finale of Beuaty and the Geek JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:58:11 PM): Chuckeroo and Kite-ell-in won JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:02 PM): yay JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:14 PM): OK shoot your Joe wad before you even start JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:18 PM): ooh scarlet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:22 PM): blah blah JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:24 PM): where's lauren? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:37 PM): ooh lauren! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:40 PM): ooh scarlet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:00:51 PM): oh wonderful it's live JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:02 PM): oh the host is brian mcfayden? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:06 PM): like we really give a fuck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:19 PM): OK those responses were fucking retarded JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:33 PM): umm, LAUREN JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:37 PM): fucking tards JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:46 PM): oh camp it up you dumb emm-effers JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:52 PM): cheryl JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:53 PM): erkida and joe JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:58 PM): ewww she's nasty JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:06 PM): lauren!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:12 PM): ooh scarlet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:16 PM): mindi and richard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:18 PM): ooh hi mindi JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:28 PM): kite-ell-in and chuckeroo! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:34 PM): WTF, we're missing one geek? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:07 PM): chuckeroo hs a beard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:17 PM): yay for chuck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:18 PM): ooh lauren! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:39 PM): "peace, love and bubblegum" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:41 PM): yeah that rhymes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:04:25 PM): ooh hi lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:04:39 PM): nice job chuckeroo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:04:46 PM): STFU and show more lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:05:13 PM): nice job nosebleed-boy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:00 PM): nice job joe JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:13 PM): LOL a joe drinking game JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:16 PM): that's wonderful JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:29 PM): how about this, kill a beer each time Lauren is HAWT JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:52 PM): yeah right JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:55 PM): WHORE CITY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:23 PM): oh yay, the little brother angle JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:36 PM): oh wonderful JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:46 PM): he got free drinks from guys JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:54 PM): kinda like chuckeroo pretending to be a gay JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:05 PM): hey: less chuck, more Lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:18 PM): man i gotta take a huge shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:40 PM): oh wonderful a daisy duke contest JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:41 PM): OK JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:09:03 PM): oh yay and now they're gonna push the dating angle JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:09:11 PM): i'm gonna push the taking a shit angle JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:09:11 PM): JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:16:07 PM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:16:14 PM): joe just sniped chuckeroo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:16:23 PM): WHORE CITY JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:16:31 PM): ebay virginity yay JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:05 PM): you stupid tard of a host JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:11 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:25 PM): i missed what they said about erika and brad JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:26 PM): but whatevs JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:32 PM): ooh hi scarlet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:45 PM): ooh hi scarlet microphone JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:18:35 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:18:39 PM): you fucking tard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:18:54 PM): jesus let the hot texan make out w/you for crying out loud JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:19:14 PM): yay somebody asked joe out JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:19:22 PM): LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:19:42 PM): OK that was funny joe JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:19:44 PM): i like that dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:20:16 PM): oh cool nice job shawn-dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:20:39 PM): chuckeroo and the jew! part two! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:21:28 PM): brb JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:21:33 PM): gotta put groceries away JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:24:23 PM): and way to go accurate representation of the mathematical results of the poll JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:24:59 PM): Chuckeroo, howdy-doo! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:25:23 PM): he said a bad word JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:25:27 PM): LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:12 PM): umm, " JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:17 PM): "between chuck and me" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:22 PM): oh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:30 PM): cool, he corrected himself JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:37 PM): after tio jaime corrected him JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:26:40 PM): nice job, me JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:05 PM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:15 PM): he's fidgeting, but on purpose JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:17 PM): LOL JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:20 PM): crazy jew JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:29 PM): oh yes, bury the hatchet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:47 PM): heh JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:50 PM): he's "hilarious" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:27:58 PM): and the Jew has to think about it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:28:17 PM): yeah nice comment JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:28:29 PM): ooh hi hot audience chick JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:28:43 PM): LOL richard's brother tom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:28:51 PM): the old dude in a sea of tards JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:28:56 PM): he mellowed w/age JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:29:07 PM): you dumbfuck host. that was called "sarcasm" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:30:09 PM): maybe i should jump on the one tree hill bandwagon JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:34:38 PM): ooh hi lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:34:47 PM): t-a-t-o-o JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:35:21 PM): ooh lauren is hot when she's doing math in her head JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:35:35 PM): i just want to feed her candy and buy her expensive things JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:36:11 PM): i wanna make out w/lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:36:26 PM): yeah inner stud JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:36:56 PM): FISTING JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:37:33 PM): talk about the fisting some more JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:37:55 PM): please to be letting me drink beer off of your boobs JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:38:10 PM): ooh krystal the NBA dancer JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:38:18 PM): oh what are they gonna do? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:38:29 PM): OK tha'ts not fair JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:38:37 PM): yeah you tard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:00 PM): yay make her feel stupider JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:14 PM): ooh scarlet yes yes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:38 PM): new mexico new jersey new york and new hampshire JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:50 PM): "i can't do it" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:54 PM): ooh she's hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:40:23 PM): oh she's hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:40:40 PM): ooh yeah i want to go to texas and find a wife like that JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:40:52 PM): well maybe not just like that JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:41:12 PM): yay she wrote in pink in her blue book JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:41:27 PM): and i called that a second before she told us pink JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:41:41 PM): was that a joke? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:41:51 PM): i forget what he said during the episode JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:42:16 PM): ha ha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:42:19 PM): you have to make out w/the Jew JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:42:36 PM): you stupid chick JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:42:44 PM): oh wonderful and now the crowd's cheering JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:42:59 PM): she's kinda cute JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:43:20 PM): great she slipped in tongue JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:43:24 PM): what a stupid show JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:43:30 PM): damn i'm a tard JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:44:00 PM): ooh hi catherine zeta-jones JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:44:04 PM): heh funny commercial JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:46:21 PM): why was mindi the favorite? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:46:23 PM): WTF JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:46:28 PM): clearly lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:46:31 PM): you stupid tareds JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:47:05 PM): "you're making me dumber" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:47:07 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:47:56 PM): umm, yes they are different JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:48:00 PM): i don't wnat to have lots of sex w/you JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:48:15 PM): la la superficial girls who look like us JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:48:44 PM): ooh yeah lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:48:58 PM): i just want to buy her cupcakes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:49:31 PM): so, cheryl has become a scientologist JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:49:41 PM): and which geek is missing? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:49:46 PM): ooh hi lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:50:13 PM): OK i'm moving to texas JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:50:58 PM): yay for shawn's hair! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:51:35 PM): oh yay more richard-mojo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:51:41 PM): and dude, why krystal? ack JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:52:36 PM): heh she's buying boots JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:52:55 PM): yay chuckeroo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:53:14 PM): highlights never before seen on TV!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:53:29 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:53:43 PM): ooh lauren doing pushups JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:54:03 PM): heh book burning JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:54:13 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:54:17 PM): lauren kleavage JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:54:28 PM): i miss lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:54:48 PM): oh i'm such the Geek JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:55:10 PM): hey, perhaps you should a less retarded host JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:55:19 PM): ooh lauren JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

You unoriginal bastards. Go to Hell.

The way that this article was written you'd think that the democruds are the only ones to care about hispanics and that this is their original idea. Yay for the politics of racial division. Again, just want to point out that the democruds just like minorities for their cherished minority labels.

The Republicans want me because I do things like this. Enjoy, SHoPpers. I do this for you, not for our party.

Democrats suggest Hispanics for Supreme Court

Tired. Going to sleep. Will blog about my trip soon.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- oh and happy 31st b-day, Grace! we all miss you here in the Jimmy League... =(

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, IV

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHOP...

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, Prologue
Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, I and II
Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, III

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:00 PM AND 8:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

This one was baking in the sun at expresso parking in Oakland, CA. Airport parking for $7.95/day. Park at the airport itself for about $10 more? Eff that noise!

Great Vengeance, Furious Anger...

Fourfold

I'm gonna have to welch on the "one week" promise. I hope you'll all understand.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

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[update date="20050713" time="1952" reason="I'm a tard"]

MwHCock: dammit MwHCock: i can no longer multiply fractions JihadJimmyMWCCDF: eh MwHCock: i am trying in my head MwHCock: i think i may be mildly retarded 7:35 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i forgot the hot chick, didn't i? MwHCock: when? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: the Fourth sticker JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck me 7:40 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you think you're mildly retarded?

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[/update]

The SHoP Jihad Jimmy offers condolences to Don Geronimo and his son Bart

Well, maybe LMHBrent too, but that's because he started to listen a couple of weeks ago...

Wife of Radio Personality Killed in Accident in Ocean City

This is really heartbreaking. I'm actually more shook-up over this than I was Reagan's death. And before you get mad at me because I called you misogynistic names when you were incapacitated by JFK jr's death, you can still get bent. Freda was an integral part of the best show on the airwaves-- what did John-John do?

and SHoPpers, please please please listen to your unka jimmy next time when he points you towards a radio show over and over. you've actually now missed out on the excellent interaction that was Don Geronimo and his wife, Freda. Can't even describe it. Hopefully I'll put out a Best of Don and Mike compilation soon...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[update date="20050713" time="2243"]
more from around the blogosphere...
Wife of "Don & Mike Show" host killed in collision

Listening to the Dallas live 105 replay, the boys (minus Don Geronimo) are still talking about Freda. This is one of the bigggest things to happen to the show in its entire history. I've only been listening for a couple of years now, but i'm only beginning to see the gravity of this all...
[/update]

Fuck San Luis Obispo

Yeah you heard me. This entire town can suck cocks in hell. And for those of you SHoPpers slow on the uptake there, i meant the town, not the actual saint himself.

jack in the box shorted my dinner order. Bar attached to this expensive-assed holiday inn is closed. everything else is goddam closed. i'm fucking surprised that this wireless internet is going off w/o a hitch.

Other than that, driving my new company truck from San Diego to the bay area is OK w/exception of not being told the PIN number for my new company gas card.

OK going back to jax0r in the b0x0r because i'm still hungry.

jihad jimmy, minister of war crimes and chief defender of the faith

ps- cool socal pics to follow when i'm back in the bay area w/the correct USB cable...

UPDATE: The Life and Times of Tio Jaime, EIT

Start new job today. 6am flight to San Diego, orientation, company-issued truck, drive back to bay area.

Has been a quick month. Thanks for everybody's support during a nerve-racking time.

Special thanks to my lifelong friend SixHertz for keeping my spirits up with this priceless opportunity for online antics. Oh, and for keeping me focused on this whole "not-having-a-job" thing. I learn from the best, my friend. And good luck w/your new job as well.

Tio Jaime

Today Show Boycott

I have taken Shiraz's advice and written a letter to the Today Show. I encourage you to do the same. It's really easy and takes about 10 minutes to do. Below is the actual email sent just a little while ago (with actual names deleted and replaced with pseudonym):

From: SixHertz
To: today@nbc.com
Date: Jul 11, 2005 1:40 AM
Subject: Today Show Dream Wedding Contest

Dear Today Show producers:

I am enormously disappointed in the fact that you caved in to certain special interest groups when creating rules for your "Dream Wedding" contest for this year. Specifically, your acceptance of admitting engaged gay or lesbian couples to your contest.

By nature, this type of contest is based upon exclusion. People who are already married, or people without partners for that matter, are already prevented from entering this contest. By excluding gays or lesbians to your contest, you would have been doing no differently. There was no exclusion or discrimination to begin with. It could have easily been argued that they would naturally be excluded from the contest in the first place because of marriage's definition. They have never been prevented from creating their own gay/lesbian couple contest and could have completely excluded heterosexual couples.

I understand you were under a heavy amount of pressure to conform to a minority's demands, but you truly lost sight of what a majority of this country finds important as a basic principle, whether it be based upon religion or desire to uphold a special relationship and maintain family values.

I don't intend to go into a diatribe with this letter. I would like you to know that it is my first complaint that I have written to any media outlet; I believe you have stepped over the line with this decision. And here are the consequences:

I intend to boycott your station and encourage my friends and family to do the same. I will also write your advertisers and include a copy of this email as well. I urge you to reverse your decision or discontinue the Dream Wedding contest altogether.

Sincerely,
SixHertz

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, III

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHOP...

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, Prologue
Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, I and II

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 PM AND 4:00 PM ON THE FINAL DAY OF JIMMY UNEMPLOYMENT-PALOOZA 2K5.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Went to the driving range w/friend Marla in Alameda, CA. Hit pretty well, considering that I hadn't picked up a club in about a year. I was actually making good contact w/my 5 iron. This almost never happens.

As we were parking, I saw a sticker that needed liberating. So i took it.

Great Vengeance, Furious Anger...

Threefold

Worthless. See the tiny URL on the left side? Stupid. Can you see something that small from another car when you're pushing 80 on a California freeway? No. You can see it if you walk up to the car in a parking lot. Unless it's been happily liberated beforehand. And if that's the case, you go the SHoP where they have just this kind of thing on display.

Hmm, now that i think about it, did I ever post up the pic of that license plate frame in the link above? I don't think i did, so here you go...

How's your car, you Blue State Fuckup?
click to enlarge in new window origianally referenced here

The top half which says "MY NEXT LICENSE PLATE" was still attached to car from which I broke off this the bottom half. I know SixHertz was waiting for that pic since March or so? Sorry it took so long to post, but I trust that you'll find it well worth the wait.

And again, note the miniscule URL in the corner. How are you supposed to read these? I swear, these messages are so counter-intuitive and impractical, you'd think that Micro$uck had an "Ineffective Bumper Sticker" template in PowerPoint or something. This is typical M$. counter-intuitive design, that is. and it's typical democrud to say mean and slanderous things w/o double-checking them for sanity, consistency or even capability.

The more astute SHoPpers reading along will notice your tio jaime's steadfast theme of pitying rather than attacking the poor, hapless LIbEralS. Try it, it's pretty fulfilling. Attack the LIbEralS of the 90s as your diametrically opposed nemeses, but feel sorry for the depraved bastardized democrud party of today.

Poor ignorant bastards. I hope they shrivel up and fall off... all you Little Brains out there who said we were ripping off other failed "edgy Republicans", you still listening? Is this original enough for you? I guaran-fucking-tee that you won't find this anywhere else on the right side of the online aisle.

And if you do, tell me where it is so I can learn from it and surpass it. And blog it right here exclusively at the SixHertz House of Pain.

Vengefully Yours,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[hotchick]

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Oh, that's nice. The BBC continues to sacrifice sanity for the sake of consistency

Looks like those brilliant and fair-minded media groups have gone back to what they're known for: insanity.

Hat tip: Michelle Malkin

Suck my balls, Live 8! Not ONE RED CENT for Africa

Aid does not work for Africa. There is no such thing.

Why? Oh, well, for much the same reason why spending thousands of dollars per student per year in one of the worst public education systems in the United States doesn't work improving student's education. Throwing money at a problem doesn't necessarily fix it. People are just too stupid to see this.

Let me boil it down for you. You see, Africa has a little thing called warlords. These warlords and associated gangs, who are involved in such wonderful activities such as murder, genocide, rape, drug-running, arms-trading, etc, hold great power in the countries of Africa. So you see, any money or aid going to Africa (and not going directly through church-type organizations) goes to the warlords or corrupt government officials. Don't believe me? Go to the UN and watch as the poor African representatives ride around in their limos and walk around outside in their fancy clothes while fundamentalist muslims in their countries run around committing horrible crimes against Christians. Then these warlords and politicians pilfer the aid given to them by unwitting countries.

But don't tell this to the entertainment caste. Yes, those singers who have the consistent and innate ability to string nonsensical sentences together are much too smart for the common man. After all, didn't someone tell Bono about Africa one day in between puffs of weed with his buds? I imagine it went a little something like this:

"What? Africa isn't a country? No way! Social justice? Wow, like that sounds important! I'm like, totally social! And justice? That's way important too! Social justice for everyone!"

Onto the next idiot: I like listening to Coldplay. I really do. But Chris Martin must be the first to die. Look at what this nouveau historian said about Live 8:

This is the greatest thing that's ever been organised probably in the history of the world.

Yeah. The Normandy invasion? I guess that's a close second. Really, can we kill these people now? Please?

Along with those geniuses, we have those brilliant and fair-minded media groups. Certainly a melding of the minds we have when it comes to the crap we see on TV.

In return for bringing social justice to Africa, these caring muslims decided to bring their own version of social justice towards the country that hosted Live 8 and G8 by blowing up London's mass transit system, killing 50+ and injuring hundreds more.

Anyone else see the problem with this? Or am I surrounded by friggin' morons?

I miss Mikhaila the tall italian and her thigh-high stripper boots Seattle

From this morning's Seattle Times, Mayor proposes stricter rules for strip clubs.

Eff the Man!

The city's current rules require dancers to wear some clothing unless they are on a stage, which must be six feet from customers. Dancers cannot simulate sexual acts, touch their private parts, allow others to touch their private parts or touch the private parts of customers. But dancers are allowed to provide lap dances to customers as long as their private parts are clothed. The [new] rules also call for lighting that makes all objects "plainly visible."

Insert your own "I got your 'plainly visible object' right here..." joke. Right here.

Eff the Tip Jar!

The rules also would bar a dancer from directly accepting a tip. Instead, tips would have to be deposited in a container or given to a manager.

Insert your own "I got your 'deposited in a container' right here..." joke. Right here. Ok this is retarded. So the same city from whose loins was born Starbucks and consequently the nefarious tip jar wants to do the same for Seattle zoos? Nice to see that you Washingtards are doing so well. Perhaps this is just an elaborate ploy to discourage Califorons from moving (back) to Washingtonia by means of feigning retardation. Unfortunately, it's just Seattle city council trying to take a page from the Berkeley City Council's playbook.

Practically speaking, a strippers' tip jar is a retarded idea because: 1) it proliferates the idea of the tip jar¹, and 2) decreases even further the whole stripper-patron tipping interaction. As the practical application of this law is today, you can sit at the rail, but to tip, you gotta ball up your bills and throw them to the stripper. Not at the stripper, and certainly not at her genitalia. Unless you're playing a spirited round of Coochie-ball². If Mikhaila the tall italian that you like is onstage doing her rad-assed pole tricks and wearing her thigh-high stripper boots, are you really gonna wanna tip her via a stupid jar which will likely be subject to distribution among the rest of the girls and a house commission? Of course not. You'll save your singles and go buy yourself some Dick's Drive-In once you leave.

yours in Vengeance,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

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1 This particular tipping philosophy doesn't quite apply to the zoo, but more to cashiers at Starbucks and wherever else. People should not be tipped in jars for normally doing something for which they are paid a wage. Don't want to get into this Reservoir Dogs debate right now. But if you're hired as a cashier, really, you're just an extremeley low level data entry bot. You don't tip them, do you?

2 Stripper had some belt-contraption which had a dixie cup positioned right below her crotchal area, patrons were encouraged to ball up bills and win prizes by throwing them in the cup.

Living to Die Another Day

Along the shortcut to go from campus back to my apartment in Oakland, there is always a car with the bumper sticker "HE'S NOT MY PRESIDENT!" And I'd been waiting for the right time to make an example out of it. Tonight was to be the night, and that sticker was to be the Third.

Unfortunately, it wasn't there tonight. Hence the post title. But I am a just and patient Tio Jaime. Be surprised, SHoPper, if this sticker makes it to the middle of the month.

As my primary target was missing, I sought to satiate my sticker liberation hankerin' elsewhere. But I found not a single sticker on the shortcut! And then none in my neighborhood! Could it be that I by myself have overhunted the land? This is very depressing.

I'd like to take the time to point out that the 30-40 stickers I liberated are in addition to the 20-30 stickers which were left in place, but decorated Guerilla Republican style with either magic marker, spray paint, or paintballs. That's anywhere from 50-70 for those of you in Rio Linda, CA.

What have you contributed to this the new Culture War? Money? Time? Hard time? Silver-tongued rhetoric? Your own offspring perhaps, to our brave armed forces? What about a bit of convenience or your own personal comfort or even some of your civil liberties?

We all do what we can to the best of our abilities. Victory will be ours and Vengeance will be Shiraz's.

Vengefully yours,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Time to dance, chickenturds

Okay, so now we've got 2 supreme court justices stepping down. I'm wondering now if these LIbEralS will be asking the president to replace Justice Rehnquist with an individual who is "as conservative" as he was, just like they implored President Bush to select a justice "as moderate" as Justice O'Connor has been...in the spirit of cooperation about which the democruds oh so love to preach, yet neglect to practice.

Screw 'em! Let's get some hard core originalists in that court! I dunno about you, but I'd love to see militant pro-abortionists, gays, atheists, lesbians, liberals, San Franciscans, etc, crap their pants, bitch, moan, cry, etc...you know, repeats of November 3rd of last year. We can be assured if certain rulings are overturned, these tards may finally follow through on their promises to leave the country. You know these assholes. The same ones who say they're going to move to Canada, yet tell conservatives they should join the military and fight in the war that they believe in. Hypocrites. Move, already.

And before any of you libertards raise the flag on me, I shall remind you that this IS a military blog.

That's right, Ginnie, you're the one that's gotta be next. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

uber-post

This one chat w/MwHCock ended up encompassing two SHoP features: the Jimmy Unemployoment-palooza 2K5 updates and the CL W4M ads in San Francisco. I fixed up the links for you and even mirrored it. Formatting this post was a huge pain in the ass. Please enjoy it. And then enjoy it again the next day. Please to not be letting my efforts go unnoticed.

It is with heavy heart that I announce the end of Jimmy Unemployment-palooza 2K5. But on the same token, I'm pleased to announce the end of Jimmy Unemployment-palooza 2K5. New job starts monday.

UPDATE: Jimmy Unemployment-palooza 2K5

MwHCock: when does the new job start? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: monday JihadJimmyMWCCDF: they fly me to sandiego for orientation JihadJimmyMWCCDF: drive up that afternoon JihadJimmyMWCCDF: back in the bay area by tuesday afternoon MwHCock: in new company truck MwHCock: ? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yep JihadJimmyMWCCDF: didn't think i was getting a truck MwHCock: what kind? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Ford JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i'm gonna put this on the SHoP MwHCock: Sammy Z is a GM man JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i don't think i updated after accepting the offer MwHCock: although I recognize ford does build good work trucks 12:30 PM MwHCock: I tooled around in a GMC sierra last summer when i was home MwHCock: nice truck

Now that this pesky "livelihood" thing is out of the way, really should work on securing a woman. This is all too uncommon a sentiment among my contemporaries. Except for the cheesedicks who have found women (or whose women have uncermoniously found them).

I've decided he must die

JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/83110937.html (rhothetaphi mirror) MwHCock: um, no JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ooh yeah JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh this one is wonderful JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/w4m/83200845.html (rhothetaphi mirror) 12:35 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: see what kind of stupid women are here in the bay area? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: they want "girly indie boys" JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's just fucking wonderful MwHCock: i am pretty non-girly JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yes, as are most of my friends MwHCock: my style of dress is more "lazy" JihadJimmyMWCCDF: mine is "mom-bought-my-clothes" MwHCock: my cousin has decided i need to get married, so he keeps sending me listings for indian matrimonial sites MwHCock: I've decided he must die JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dude, my mom and grandma are working their filipino network for a single filipina that's my age JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this is bad JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i've become that bachelor relative MwHCock: he also has decided i should marry a dentist MwHCock: i think he wants free dental work for the family MwHCock: or maybe because i have a lot of dentist friends JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/pen/w4m/83201545.html (rhothetaphi mirror wow that was fast, they already flagged it) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: wow, women who follow astrology are lame JihadJimmyMWCCDF: lame, lame, lame MwHCock: i agree JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i don't think that this chick has a accurate slice of the male population JihadJimmyMWCCDF: a lot of bay area men are pussies 12:40 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/82408059.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: non macho latino JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OK you have fun w/that there MwHCock: NON-REPUBLICAN--not negotiable JihadJimmyMWCCDF: C.U.N.T. MwHCock: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/83221011.html (rhothetaphi mirror Ok they flagged this one too. bogus.) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: so really, a democrat child-molester would have a better shot than a non-macho latino log cabin republican, right? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh God JihadJimmyMWCCDF: what a bunch of useless women JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dude, find one there in philly JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and bring back one for me 12:45 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: make sure her sister is considerably hotter than she is, just to keep w/in the jimmy-tradition MwHCock: haha

Not a very good tradition, thus far. Let's just say that Lord Volde-Megan's sister was model quality, and Lord Volde-Megan herself made me take her to Disney on Ice. Twice. And OCDs reads this blog from time to time, and let me just say for the record that one day in the band lounge, I was doing some homework in my super-senior year. OCD's little freshman sister came into the room wearing a miniskirt and boots. SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP.

And then a year later I had moved to Seattle for work where women wore boots like that all the time. [shit location="on me"]whooo momma[/shit]

i love dachshunds

JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/pen/w4m/83108557.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: hey. JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.rhothetaphi.org/jimmy/sixhertz/Most%20Annoying%20Sound.aif 12:50 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/83028836.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: unfortunately she's not spelling savvy JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/w4m/82947166.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: THIS ONE SCARES ME 12:55 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: PERHAPS SHE'D LIKE TO GO TO THE ZOO WITH THE BOYS JihadJimmyMWCCDF: I'LL SEND HER A LINK TO THIS POST MwHCock: nice JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/w4m/82904397.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i liked that one until she mentioned dr. laura JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/w4m/82871314.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: there's instructions to a pic down near the bottom 1:00 PM MwHCock: http://www.craigslist.org/eby/w4m/82229316.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: whoa JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i love dachshunds MwHCock: welcome to the gun show JihadJimmyMWCCDF: what gun show? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: wow nice MwHCock: exactly 1:05 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: she's too hot to be on CL JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i think it's fake MwHCock: i agree JihadJimmyMWCCDF: tempted to send her the post link too JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/82677716.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that was annoying at first, and then started to look cool 1:10 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/w4m/82675399.html (rhothetaphi mirror) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh sweet JihadJimmyMWCCDF: hi there JihadJimmyMWCCDF: neither, both suck ass JihadJimmyMWCCDF: bushy JihadJimmyMWCCDF: eat out JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dogs JihadJimmyMWCCDF: omnivore JihadJimmyMWCCDF: inspiral JihadJimmyMWCCDF: PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dont' give a fuck either way JihadJimmyMWCCDF: bottom JihadJimmyMWCCDF: innie JihadJimmyMWCCDF: here's my sign... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: JihadJimmyMWCCDF: -TJ 1:15 PM MwHCock: i emailed you a hottie for the post JihadJimmyMWCCDF: what's that MwHCock: so you can end the SHoP post with a hottie JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ahh JihadJimmyMWCCDF: thank you JihadJimmyMWCCDF: wher'ed you send it to? MwHCock: rhothetaphi JihadJimmyMWCCDF: didn't get it yet 1:20 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: whoa that's jeff garcia's GF, ya? MwHCock: think so JihadJimmyMWCCDF: emma decesare or something? MwHCock: carmella JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ahh carmella JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yeah 1:25 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit i gotta mirror all of those CL postings JihadJimmyMWCCDF: man that's a lot of work JihadJimmyMWCCDF: dammit

I do love dachshunds. And that chick is too hot to be on CL. And she's in orinda! yeah right...

Maybe she's a plant trying to get on the SHoP

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[hotchick boyfriend="homo"]

click to enlarge in new window
[/hotchick]

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, I and II

I'm told that I live in the Castro district of Oakland, CA. No, I'm not gay, as I'd like to make out w/the woman who told me this.

3:57 PM i spotted two sloppily placed stickers on a volvo in the warm CA sun outside my apartment easy money stickers are on the folds of the bumper 4:00 PM 1 and 2

The first sticker was designed to look like a Bush 2004 sticker, but actually said "BUSH CHEATED". Which is fucking retarded. On bumper stickers, you don't really want to play the subtle parody card. Conveying sarcasm and inside jokes is a bit too much for your LIbEral cohorts to try to comprehend as they pass you on the freeway.

Seriously, I can't believe you Little Brains are this fucking retarded. But really what else should I expect from people who put their faith in a piece of shit like John Kerry and then subsequently LOST an election which should've been a slam dunk. I suppose I'm not surprised that you can't even make effective bumper stickers w/o my guidance.

And I know you liberal retards still don't follow, so I'll spell it out for you. (Patience, right-minded SHoPpers.) I don't think your stickers are having the effects you intended for them to have. I'm not scared. I'm not intimidated. I'm not even angry at the messages they're trying to convey. I pity you, because this is the best you can do against me and my ilk. You're not convincing me of anything but your incompetence.

Ooh, you can sell a sticker that looks like something a Red American would put on his car... BUT IT REALLY ISN'T OMG LOL!!! Nice job, geniuses. Way to convince us that you are far from nimble-minded. Way to remind us that you are mere shadows of the political force you were in the 90s.

Have you tricked a Republican into putting one of these on his SUV? Then what's the fucking point? If the images on the right upset you, why would you put the images on the left on your cars when they're almost identical to their counterparts at 75mph on the interstate?

Wow. These stickers are all kinds of sneaky!

And don't even bother w/pointing out that the red and white fields are reversed. Your stupid liberal friends aren't smart enough or observant enough to realize that your turning the Texas flag upside-down is symbolic of your defiance. Blue Light Special in Aisle Nobody-Gives-a-Fuck.

I can tell you're still confused. I'll photoshop an example later this week. Just for you, you liberal fucktard. Don't choke on it.

Anycrap, back to the stickers. The lesson here, SHoPpers, is "Say what you mean and mean what you say".

Great Vengeance, Furious Anger...

Onefold	Twofold

For the benefit of those of you new to the SHoP, these two stickers follow in the footsteps of the 30-40 I liberated during and after the election. From cars in the heart of Blue America. Some even in broad daylight on busy streets. Unfortunately, i was storing these liberated stickers in my old work truck. God, it was beautiful. Imagine 30 sticker remnants forming a colorful collage on the inside of my driver's side sun visor. Oh shit, wait i have a pic here when it was just getting started... click the thumbnail to enlarge

How do you like this "edgy, Republican schtick" now, you worthless, asshole peaceniks?

,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[hotchick]

click to enlarge in new window
[/hotchick]

Great Vengeance and Furious Anger, Prologue

Ezekiel 25:17 (Tarantino translation of the Bible)

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the LORD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Can you SHoPpers believe that it's been just over 10 years since that movie came out? What a trip.¹ And yeah, all normal Bibles don't have this cool translation, but really that's all that Hollywood types are good for: taking us away from the dreary doldrums that is real life.

So this past Independence Day weekend, I went down to Santa Monica while SixH and his woman came up to our native San Jose. Yet again, I missed him. WTF. They were in for a bit of a surprise when they got back. Read on, SHoPper...

SixHertz (9:03:05 PM): [RACIAL EXPLETIVE]! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:16 PM): yo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:21 PM): gots another good post for you SixHertz (9:03:24 PM): coo' JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:03:30 PM): i've been busy SixHertz (9:03:53 PM): Shiraz's GWB for prez. sticker was pulled from her car at my apartment complex while we were up in the Bay Area for the 4th. SixHertz (9:04:09 PM): lousy sticker-pulling LIbEr-tards. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:22 PM): ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? SixHertz (9:04:28 PM): yes I am. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:32 PM): you tell her this: JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:04:50 PM): Vengeance will be hers. Tenfold. SixHertz (9:05:03 PM): hahaha, she is laughing right now at your comment. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:08 PM): you give me a week and an address SixHertz (9:05:15 PM): haha JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:05:22 PM): i'll send you Vengeance SixHertz (9:05:35 PM): roger that. SixHertz (9:06:12 PM): Shiraz plans to blog tonight about the Today show and the gay marriage fiasco they're dealing with. SixHertz (9:06:20 PM): I'm posting this chat.

Let's ignore SixH's broken promise for now. Always remember that that your Tio Jaime is looking out for you.

i forgot how i wanted to end this post

4:55 PM MwHMachina: post ready yet? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: almost MwHMachina: c'mon dude MwHMachina: I am soooooo bored JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i keep effing around MwHMachina: people are asking stupid question JihadJimmyMWCCDF: how much longer you have in class? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh yay, i love people MwHMachina: b/c they didn't do the reading MwHMachina: i wanna slap this dide MwHMachina: class from 6 - 8:50 MwHMachina: so hour JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Ok i'll have something for you in the next 5 minutes JihadJimmyMWCCDF: lemme check all my lnks MwHMachina: go go go JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i forgot how i wanted to end this post JihadJimmyMWCCDF: shit on me MwHMachina: with a pic of a hot chick MwHMachina: that is how all good posts end JihadJimmyMWCCDF: [shit location="on me"]SHIT ON ME[/shit] JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i have an idea now... consider yourself the Deus Ex Machina2 5:00 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh sweet! this worked out just fine! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: SHoPpers: please don't let this detract from the whole vengeance idea. Stay tuned. MwHMachina: whoa MwHMachina: don't post this conversation JihadJimmyMWCCDF: not all of it MwHMachina: the [RACIAL EXPLETIVE] deal especially MwHMachina: or me mentioning it here JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh of course JihadJimmyMWCCDF: not even gonna go back that far MwHMachina: how far? 5:05 PM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you'll see...

Vengefully yours,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

OK here's the hot chick... click thumbnails to enlarge


OK i feel bad about that one. Here's the chick from The Hot Chick who was also in Mean Girls-- Rachel McAdams

For the record, we're not ganking the random hot chick idea from Tony Pierce. it was a suggestion from MwHCock. Enjoy, you animals... i'll add them in as i document my vengeance

---

1 Was talking to Crap-on-Your-Bed Girl last night at the zoo. Her real name is Tiffany, she's 20. I started talking to her about something retarded, i forget what exactly. The topic of 80s teen pop came up. This little ditz of a waitress didn't know who Tiffany or Debbie Gibson were. I wanna make out w/COYB Girl in my truck. Again. Thank God for the Blogspot Province searchable archives.

2 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deus_ex_machina

funny nerd-chick personal ad

Shopping for a Gïrlfrïend? Latest 2005 Model Available Now! - 28
rhothetaphi.org mirror here

Funny ad, I'm sure you'll all find. But the real show begins when you SHoPpers start sniping in the Comments...

I'll get us started...

***ahem***

"Does anybody have a crack for this?"
"I like this genre better on consoles"
"Is there a functional FireWire port on the backside?"

Update from the Blue State Frontier

Went to $3 Wednes-dee at The Zoo tonight. Yay for $3 scotch! Boo for this scotch being limited to Dewar's. =(

One of the newest Most Favored Strippers found me enjoying the scotch and espn's baseball recap, started to shoot the shit. Same Stripper, Different Day: "it's dead in here" "i haven't made any money tonight" la la la. She saw my silicone bracelets and asked about them. The orange GO GIANTS! one was self-explanatory. The green USO bracelet which reads SUPPORT OUR TROOPS kind of confused the belarussian stripper who has a somewhat-decent control of the English language.

Kashka: What does mean, "Troops"? Jihad Jimmy: "Soldiers." Kashka: Soldiers?! You like the soldiers? Jihad Jimmy: Yes. Kashka: You like the war?!?

At which point we proceeded to have a little debate about our current involvement trying to make the world a better place through the eradication of those who wish to see us SHoPpers and all that we hold dear consumed in an Allah-approved fireball. She started off many a sentence with "You Americans..."

Apparently, we Americans don't know a single thing about war and American Journalists are painting a rosy picture of the war for us (WTF?) and American soldiers aren't distinguishing between terrorists and innocent civilians because they're paid more for each person they kill.

And after hearing all of this, it took all of my gentlemanly powers not to ask her, "OK, so which one of us is stuck being a stripper?"

Asked her genuinely "Well what should America do then?" and she gave a good san fran-sicko liberal sarcastic response like "Oh yeah, we should go over there and start killing everybody!" It's nice that San Francisco has taught her well, ya? Then she tried pulling some "international law" shit on me. Heh. Nice try. That's child's play, you scantily clad eastern european stripper. (Answer: The UN proved itself to be useless with all of its resolutions which lead to Jack and Shit. And then Jack left town.) Then she tried the whole "America shouldn't be trying to police the world" tact but was quickly met with "Well if we're paying for 22 percent of the UN, we sure as hell have the right to ensure our interests" and a bit of the "if that's not what the world wants, we can just pull our money and membership out" and she didn't seem to like that idea. I wonder why?

She went on stage, took her top off, didn't garner very many tips because 1) it was a slow night and 2) she dared piss off the scotch-drinking regular who would've normally out-tipped the other choadstains drooling at her stageshow. Came back and told me (verbatim), "You're entitled to your opinion. But you have a stupid opinion and not all of the information."

So I mustered up my biggest shit-eating grin and said, "I can say the same exact thing about you."

Man, I love foreigners! Especially the ones who prance around onstage topless.

Then I went to another Zoo and bought an Arturo Fuente off of the bathroom attendant. Enjoyed it inside in California, thanks to this particular zoo's smoking room. Think airport lounge. But the rest of the passengers are watching airline counter staff shimmy all naked-liciously on brass poles.

All things considered? A pretty good night!

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

What the hell did I just say about consistency?

Well, I suppose the entire Little Brain LIbEral community doesn't consider the SHoP to be their consistency watchdog. We're only at around 70 hits/day. Short of scientific experimentation, I wouldn't be surprised at all to find that your average Bay Aryan's progressive philosophy took a shit on itself 70 times a day. This is a shame. If more LIbEralS read this site, i'm sure at least a couple would take my pity into consideration and would try to be more effective democruds... well, I can dream, can't I?

And still, my motives for bettering the stupider half of America are selfish. I want people smart enough to put up somewhat of a fight to our conservatism. Just to keep me and my ilk sharp.

AND THIS ISN'T HELPING!!! The more astute SHoPpers among us will already have spotted the inconsistency in Gloria Steinem's position...

excerpt from Gloria Steinem protests U.S. camp at Guantánamo

Feminist author Gloria Steinem on Monday joined about 200 protesters in New York to demand the closure of the U.S. detention camp at Guantánamo Bay, saying holding prisoners indefinitely without charging them violates the values upon which the United States was founded. Steinem compared Guantánamo to the kind of autocratic rule early colonists were trying to flee. "They came to escape the very things -- detention without due process, bias, a religious government... that we protest today," Steinem said.

Perhaps Feminazis like Gloria should stick to what they know best: repudiating femininity and proliferating abortion. Holy Crap in a Pita, what kind of self-respecting feminist stands up for men who want to see all women, in all countries as a man's property from birth to death? What kind of feminist stands up for men who support state sanctioned wife-beating? What kind of feminist stands up for a culture where women aren't even allowed to go to school-- never mind the exclusion from the democratic process?

A Blue Diamond Almonds can of consistency a week. That's all we ask.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Get Bent, Political Correctness!!!

WTF, it's not enough that we have to stick our liberal Thought Police in our own citizen's business that we have to go police our neighbors? And you can lay dollars to win doughnuts that the liberals who are pissed about racist mexican stamps are the same ones who are more concerned with the preservation of some terrorist's culture over the safety of American soldiers.

Was taking a hazardous waste 40-hour training class about a year ago, and the teacher tried to tell me that the exploda-muslims weren't savages and weren't barbaric for cutting off Nick Bergh's head. (remember that waaaay back when?) Apparently, I only thought they were barbaric savages because I was looking at them from my traditional Western POV. Well la-di-effing-da.

All you Little Brain LIbEralS out there who just wet your panties because somebody suggested that the western-civilization-centric morals and ethics weren't ideal? Hey why don't you try applying the same argument about us getting pissed at our Mexi-neighbors for not following our wacky brand of America-logic?

excerpt from Defying U.S., Mexicans flock to buy 'racist' stamps

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Crowds of Mexicans lined up at post offices on Friday to buy a new set of stamps featuring a 1940s black comic-book hero whose stereotypical looks and antics have been called racist in the United States. About 400 people, from comic fans to Mexicans simply wanting to defy the White House, descended on Mexico City's main post office. Media reports said one person bought 4,000 stamps of Memin Pinguin, a mischievous black boy whose thick lips, flat nose and monkey-like antics have offended U.S. civil rights groups. In the city of Puebla, sales were being limited to two sets per person as high demand threatened to wipe out stocks, local media reported. Coming after a tactless remark about blacks by Mexican President Vicente Fox, the stamps have sparked a fresh controversy over what Washington sees as Mexico's blase attitude toward racism. The White House said the stamps are offensive and have "no place in today's world." Civil rights leader the Rev. Jesse Jackson wants them pulled from circulation. Critics say Memin Pinguin, like many comics of the time, reflects offensive views of blacks as lazy and mischievous. But in Mexico where there are few blacks, political correctness is barely existent and millions grew up reading about the escapades of the hapless Memin Pinguin, fans rejected the criticism and snapped up the stamps.

Honestly, at least the LIbEralS ten years ago were consistent. They didn't pull things out of their asses just to oppose a president. They stood for something. And now? You're all standing in a circle, mentally masturbating each other in a game of Soggy Soundbite.

Come back and see us when you're a real political party again, and we'll talk.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Are you there God? It's me, Jihad Jimmy...

Was attending Mass in Santa Monica w/my family this Fourth of July weekend. My little brother was getting dropped off at a debate camp at U¢LA and my little sister still lives in the area after graduating from my alma mater's little sister school.

And if your affiliation lies with any other Pac-10 school aside from Stanfurd or UW, please don't even bother with trying to convince me that your school doesn't provide our alumni with an endless supply of employees.

Sorry. Stuff like that slips out every now and then.

Anycrap, was at Mass. And the recessional hymn, in honor of Independence Day, was "America the Beautiful". I've pasted the second verse below.

Second verse of "America, the Beautiful"
Warning: MIDI embedded in link above

O beautiful for pilgrim feet Whose stern impassioned stress A thoroughfare of freedom beat Across the wilderness! America! America! God mend thine every flaw, Confirm thy soul in self-control, Thy liberty in law!

(emphasis mine)

Hmm. Be it not me to issue orders to the Creator as to which flaws need immediate correction, but here are a few which who made the SHoP shortlist...

These flaws need a-mendin'!!! Whoo-whee!!!

Again, LORD, whatever You see fit and at Your convenience.

Stupid democrud shit: What a waste. Here's where I found Barbara B0x-tard's pic. A memorial for victims of drunk driving? You mentally masturbating LIbEralS. This is not the Vietnam War. This is not a terrorist attack on 9/11. Please, think before opening your pie-hole in an attempt to stroke your holier-than-thou ego.

Still freaky-freaky: we mentioned it before in this archived SHoP post, but the above nancy pelo-suck pic looks even more like the crazy-crazy in that cult...

Separated at Birth?

Ugh. And now I think my tard-montage is gonna give me nightmares tonight.

This should tide you all over for now, lots of nice pics for you to look at and some old ShoP links so you can follow the rabbit-hole further and further.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Quick Hello to the Anchoress-storm!

(Get it? "Anchor ess-storm"? eh. too much of a stretch for you little brains? forget i said anything. shit, i try to work hard on a clever play on words for you... Get it? "hard on"? oh nevermind. eff it. and "eff it" is your hint for "ess-storm")

Hello from lovely California!

There seem to be a lot of people visiting from The Anchoress (thanks, anchoress, btw), so a quick explanation as to who we are here in the SHoP.

SixHertz - Admin for the SixHertz House of Pain (SHoP). He's the milblogger, having recently finished up a stint with the Navy. Doesn't like hollywood celebrities or the garbage that flies uncontrollably from their mouths.

Tio Jaime - SixH's friend from elementary school. Invited to contribute on the SHoP. Introduced the right-wing blogosphere to new and beautiful levels of depravity. Likes toeing the line, much to SixH's dismay.

LMHBrent - Tio J's friend from Berkeley's wonderful College of Engineering. God-fearing Christian. Loves Costco, but who doesn't?

Shiraz - Token chick. SixH's woman (?) and apparently likes wine.

Stick around long enough and you'll see Mark and MwHCock hanging around in the comments. Watch out for spicy language and the infrequent naughty pic (somewhat NSFW). You know what, the best advice is to just take a look around, become extremely offended/entertained/aroused and tell a friend or two either because they'll hate it with a passion or love every sordid word of it.

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And while I have your attention, go buy shit from SixH's cafepress store by clicking on the st@rbucks logo to your upper right. This is how good of a goddam friend I am. But realize, dear SHoPpers, I'm not above taking credit for the one-liner. Holy crap in a pita, what a headache that last link. Search for "anti-drug" in that link right there.)
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Welcome to the SHoP. We are very honored to have you aboard.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- i'll have an interesting fourth of july post for you once i get back from the City. jimmy wants a drink.
pps- "the City" for you n00bs is San Francisco. I'm in Oakland, CA. the rest of the SHoP contributors are in SoCal. don't worry, you'll figure all of this out soon enough

UPDATE: Jimmy Unemployment-Palooza 2K5

Left Schmunderrground Construckshun three weeks ago making X. Posted my resume on monster.com asking for X plus ten percent. Call that A. Tomorrow morning, will likely be offered A plus another ten to fifteen percent. Call that O ("oh" not "zero"). Am likely going to refuse the offer as it seems to be an extra-ordinary amount of Schmunderrground effort for a fraction of the Schmunderrground satisfaction.

Faced a similar situation a couple of years back in Seattle. (go M's, btw. saw them lose the series finale today against the A's to get swept. Also saw the G-men lose their series finale on sunday to get swept by the A's as well. A's over Giants 16 runs on 24 hits against zero fucking runs on one fucking hit. WTF.) Took a position "just to tide me over until i found something I really wanted" for ten to twenty percent more than what I was asking. Didn't enjoy it. it showed. Was laid off just in time to watch the Giants march to the world series for the first time since 1989 only to lose in seven to the Anahym Angels.

I honestly don't think it's a good match personality-wise and interest-wise. Everybody else seems to think otherwise, but I have a bad feeling about it. Perhaps I'll ask a few more questions about the position before I render the jimmy-veto. Wish me luck.

In the meantime, 3am Criticism of 24, season 2 on the Blogspot Province of Tio Jaime Nation...

Hope that July finds you well and above .500 going into the all-star break, dear SHoPpers...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[update date="20050701" time="1334"]
Offer is on the way, I've been given until tuesday to decide. Offer is now up to my asking salary plus 25%. It's not about the money, but feedback from the recruiter is making this a more and more attractive opportunity.
[/update]