Dirty Hippies, Reality Television, Strip Clubs, Killing Trees, Nasty Protest Chicks, California Baseball, Leetspeak, and, um... Strip Clubs. Again.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

No Magic Dog this time, but I seem to be the only one that noticed...

Saw Premonition tonight with a friend. We saw the reviews at Rotten Tomatoes first, but we still wanted to go check it out. Bear in mind, Citizen SHoPpers, that this is the same friend who I managed to convince to see The Butterfly Effect. After that Ashton Kutcher pukefest, I told her, in what I thought was pretty clearly a self-deprecating jab, that "she was my only friend stupid enough to want to see it with me."

I guess it wasn't interpreted that way. I finally clarified that comment tonight, on the way to Premonition.

WTF. I'm gathering up the links above, and how the fuck did The Butterfly Effect get a 33% on rotten tomatoes, but Premonition only got an 8%?!?

Go check out those links above if you haven't already, and if you trust your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime enough, go check out the movie itself. If you're brave enough to withstand the ridicule of your friends.

I'll nitpick movies, sure, and this one certainly deserved it, but I'll still recommend this movie. Despite gaping plot holes (which it seems that everybody is picking up on), I was still entertained and kept in suspense and most importantly able to follow along. I can't speak for the Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups around me, but this rednecky oriental was able to follow it wire-to-wire.

I'll take you through the plot holes. Don't worry, this shouldn't spoil anything.

---

PLOT HOLE #1 - SO, REALLY, WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKED UP SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM?
Well, really, this movie seems to have taken its cues from Sandra Bullock's previous time-travel clusterfuck and ran the credits before they took the time to explain why time was all fucked up. (and as above, a clusterfuck that scored higher than even The Butterfly Effect)

The Magic Dog noted in the post title can be referenced in that wikipedia entry. Helpful timeline too. But in Sandra Bullock's film both here and last year, we're just supposed to overlook the science-fictiony gimmick? Dude, not this engineer, no sir. i already overlooked the fact that a bus can't take a cloverleaf off-ramp at over 50mph while clinging to the outer-facing sides of cars such that it doesn't explode.

PLOT HOLE #2 - WAIT, IF HER DAUGHTER'S FACE WAS CUT ON TUES-DEE, WHY DIDN'T WE SEE THE STITCHES WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED UP ON A THURS-DEE?
Well this would've detracted from the funeral on Satur-dee. C'mon now, concentrate on her pajamas!

PLOT HOLE #3 - WHAT ABOUT HER BEING COMITTED? WHAT ABOUT THE GRANDMOTHER ACTING IRRATIONALLY ABOUT THE CHILD ABUSE ANGLE? HOW DID THOSE GET RESOLVED?
She went to sleep and woke up the next morning wearing something different because it was a different day. What don't you understand about that?

---

I know that I'm dwelling on these holes long enough to stay up late and write a SHoP post about them, but that still doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and honestly can't see why it rated so low on Rotten Tomatoes.

Especially compared to The Lake House and The Butterfly Effect.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="0148">
Late night Cal Glockenspiel chat! Live girls standing by, waiting to talk to you!!!

did you notice how the girl broke her face on Tuesday but was totally fine on Thursday?

1:40 AM CalGlockJimmy: where'd you go today? CalGlockChristine: Japantown CalGlockChristine: and Metreon CalGlockChristine: and we watched Premonition CalGlockChristine: don't watch it CalGlockChristine: it sucks! CalGlockJimmy: dude, we watched Premonition! CalGlockJimmy: i thought it was pretty cool! CalGlockJimmy: i'm blogging about it right now CalGlockChristine: really? CalGlockChristine: heheh CalGlockJimmy: i'll send you a link in a few minutes CalGlockChristine: I mean, Sandtra Bullock was okay CalGlockChristine: But the rest of the cast was kind of blah CalGlockChristine: did you notice how the girl broke her face on Tuesday but was totally fine on Thursday? CalGlockJimmy: yah, that was one of my main beefs CalGlockJimmy: apparently everybody's writing about that CalGlockChristine: lol CalGlockChristine: I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me CalGlockChristine: but yeah 1:45 AM CalGlockJimmy: sixhertz.blogspot.com CalGlockJimmy: top post CalGlockChristine: okay

</update>

A pukefest carousel for your ears!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Eastmost Peninsula is the Secret
You're on the air with KJIMMY
DRY MOIST HUMP LOAF
I AM STILL A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Take a shit on my Radio-Parade, why don't you...
BOYCOTT FREEFM 106.9 KIFR!!!
Back to the Basics...
Ya got two hours. No excuses this time.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:00 PM AND 6:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

If you know your Tio Jaime, you'll know that he's a budding radiophile. See the recap posts above.

My radio schedule is now:

1) John London's Inferno podcasts from two months ago on the drive in to work.
2) Don and Mike on my lunch break.
3) John London's Inferno live in the truck now that they're back on the air in the SF Bay Area
4) More John London's Inferno podcasts once the live show is done.

This is just fine, except for the live Inferno show. Recently, they've been playing the stupidest commercial for the The Search Dog Foundation. I've found the recording of this pukefest of a commercial.

If your ears start to bleed at the end of the commercial, I apologize.

Gimme a fucking break. You were all crying? STFU before we send you to Chinatown as food.

God what a shitty commercial. It's almost as shitty as the Netflix radio commercials. I tried figuring those out, until I realized they were a huge pile of horseshit.

And no, retards, Netflix won't save you any money on gas, unless you're stupid enough to make a trip to the video store and the video store alone. Smart people hit up the video store on the way home from work. And holy sheep shit, see? You didn't waste any gas.

Radio commercials seem to be worse than TV commercials, if only because you can mute TV commercials and still see when to take the mute off. You do that on radio? Well then you're sitting there in your car listening to your own Little Brain thought wondering just exactly what the impeachable offense is.

I thank God that those useless Geico commercials are finally said and done. You know the ones where somebody saves a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Geico? Yeah, they were funny the first time. Not so funny the thirtieth time. And the new ones using various celebrities were also funny the first few times. Now, they're irritating.

Post your own in the comments. Bonus SHoPbucks to you if you post audio links too...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

LOL The password is fidelio

Chatting with my buddy. It earned its way onto the SHoP.

You should probably go read the article first, otherwise it might not make sense. Gw'on now, git! It's the first line there...

Some SHoP Madness in the month of March

8:30 PM MwHCock: http://www.drivl.com/posts/view/738 JihadJimmy: LOL Gaylord the Camel 8:35 PM JihadJimmy: Otto the Orange?!? he's fucking rad! MwHCock: I Know!!! JihadJimmy: this is retarded... i'm @ #12 right now, and i bet there are gonna be some retarded choices in the top 10 MwHCock: oh no MwHCock: keep going JihadJimmy: Brutus Buckeye?!? MwHCock: he looks retarded JihadJimmy: well, OK there's no polishing a turd JihadJimmy: LOL The password is fidelio JihadJimmy: purdue pete as the Mask JihadJimmy: The Demon Deacon?!? this is horseshit 8:40 PM JihadJimmy: LOL the stanfurd tree won!!! MwHCock: told you it was worth watching MwHCock: sorry, reading JihadJimmy: NP i'm watching Nip/Tuck in the background

Heh. Go Bears. And nice job today, Stanfurd, against Louisville.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Happy Pi Day!

Although I'm somewhat more partial towards e, we at the SHoP cannot ignore the importance of Pi Day. And in a few seconds, I'll probably go back and add some fake posts from all the Pi Days we've missed.

Well, maybe not, i'm too lazy. And even then, it's not so much laziness that I have to work.

Here are some Pi links to aid in your celebration (or lack thereof) of wacky geometric constants. Enjoy.

3.141592653589793...
Learn to sing Pi .. 3.141592653589793... (REFRESH NO LONGER)
Real Medieval Pi
Pi vs Picard
Picard's Pi Command Code
Pi eye exam(done correctly)

Blind Date - Olde English Sketch Comedy
hardnphirm - pi - The song from the ytmnds above, if it isn't stuck in your head already...
Magnum P.I. opening

Pi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why I hate People of Every Color

Herro. Sorry that I'm so late to the table with this, but I've been busy. I myself don't hate black people, but just hate everybody in general, regardless of race. Strangely enough, I am the colorblind ideal that all of my SF-Oakland-Berkeley Leftist fuck-up neighbors strive to become. But without THE PURSWADER.

Here's some of the article. Before your Blue-State fuck-up panties get in a bunch, why don't you think about what he's saying...

excerpt from Kenneth Eng's Why I Hate Blacks

Why I Hate Blacks [AsianWeek] Kenneth Eng, Feb 23, 2007 Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious: • Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us. In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.

Harsh, right? Well fuck, it's true. And before you do-gooder Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups get all hoppin-mad, try to wrap your tiny brains around the possibility that it's true. I'm oriental, I've seen how black people in and around Oakland-Berkeley-Emeryville treat myself and other orientals.

You know what's worse than a dumbfuck oriental driver who doesn't know that she's done anything wrong? Some asshole black fucker in Oakland who 1) drives shitty, 2) knows he drives shitty, and 3) doesn't give a fuck that he drives shitty. I was behind one last night driving down Grand Avenue. And even though I'm a rednecky oriental in a rednecky truck, no, I didn't honk. I'm not stupid. Racist and hateful, true, but fortunately not stupid.

Kenneth Eng, dude, you hit it spot on. Well, OK. I wouldn't say in all seriousness that we should hate everybody, but I can understand why one might hate blacks, whites, and even your fellow orientals. Oh, and of course, this SHoP Overlord managed to catch onto what most of you do-gooder Leftist fuck-ups missed-- obvious parody and a running gag.

Two of Eng's previous articles are why he "hates whites" and "hates asians". Rather, why "whites inherently hate us (asians)". That's a running gag if I ever saw one.

I'd like to extend SHoP Overlordship to Kenneth Eng, former contributor to asianweek.com. Come, seek refuge in the House of Pain. We don't even care that you're a ignorant atheist.

I betcha I can even sell you on this oriental kick I've been on, too...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time=1337>
I've fired a salvo at http://dontspeakfor.us, which 1) is a blog set up for specific purpose of fielding ire about this Kenneth Eng shit, and 2) has to be the stupidest URL I've ever seen. Dumb Orientals. I thought we were supposed to be good at math and computers?

For another SHoP stance on race relations, please to be checking out blackpeopleloveus.com
</update>

<update time=1347>
Hmm. Looks like dontspeakfor.us is in fact moderating comments and petition signatures (heh). Although they didn't allow a SHoP-plug, and they took off my signatures for "Chop Suey Charlie" and "Jihad Jimmy". If only they knew just how much I'm influenced by the Don and Mike show...

And really, what a bunch of stingy chinamen! I'm plugging their shitty blog! They should plug our shitty blog!
</update>

Hiccup remedy you've probably never tried...

Was reading about this girl last night, whose five weeks of hiccups ended.

Sucks to be her, I guess. Nice that the hiccups stopped when she was going to sleep.

So then, as I am wont to do, I looked up "hiccup" on wikipedia, just to see what one of my newest favorite internet tubes says about something as simple and ubiquitous as a bodily function. My favorite exerpt is below, emphasis mine...

from wikipedia.org's entry on Hiccup

In 2006, Francis Fesmire of the University of Tennessee College of Medicine received an Ig Nobel prize for medicine after he published "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage" in 1988.[1] In an attempt to block the runaway messages on the vagus nerve, Fesmire found that stimulation of the vagus nerve by digital rectal massage worked, stopping a bout of hiccupping. Fesmire also commented "An orgasm results in incredible stimulation of the vagus nerve."

So you think, "Oh, OK. Cool, a hiccup study."

Then you get that puzzled look on your face-- "Wait. Hold on...

"Massage. OK, sounds good.

"Rectal massage? Oh no, that's not as good.

"Digital. Hmm. I'm guessing that's not technological in nature. Especially not since the digits on my hands seem to be evolutionally tailored to things requiring motor skills. Like massage."

And now you realize that some professor somewhere did an entire study on this. Perhaps you're now wondering just how he recruited subjects for this study? I know I was...

HELP WANTED FOR STUDY OF HICCUPS Got excessive and/or chronic hiccups? Don't mind touching yourself in or being touched by others in your bad area? Contact Dr. Fesmire for more info. And a good time.

Back in the third grade, our (myself and infrequent-SHoP Overlord SixHertz) teacher seemed to have numerous cures for hiccups. I don't think this was one of them though...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Unclean! Unclean!

Was cleaning tonight. First, I cleaned my bathroom. Then I cleaned myself. And then I cleaned a paintball gun.

Last things first: I went paintballing on Sunday in Vacaville with some guys from work. A couple of the guys from work had a friend of one of their brother's along, he was in town from Idaho. He's somewhat of a web-celebrity...

Aaron Stanton - Can Google Hear Me?

Apparently he's trying to pitch some dealie to Google, and he's made the trek down to the bay area to try to get some face time with the Mountain View company. He was telling me that his website is one of the Top 20 Digged in history-- if that doesn't mean anything to you, don't worry-- and that e-mails of support are pouring in. I managed to kill him a couple of times, I'm pleased to say. Although at one point, he was charging at me up the side and would've taken me out had it not been for one of my dudes laying in wait unbeknownst to him.

Fun time to be had by all. Except for tonight, when I discovered that stripping a Spyder TL-X and cleaning it is a lot more difficult than breaking down my Mossberg 500 (our good buddy THE PURSWADER).

And speaking of shotguns, after I cleaned the bathroom (but before i cleaned myself) I installed this puppy here, which I received in the mail a few days ago!

Shotshell Toilet Seat

Although I thought I got it at half that price... I'll look tomorrow when I'm not so lazy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update date="20070220" time="0826">OK, seems as though we were wrong about the Top 20 Digged posts. But still, there is a bit of digging, and some radio hosts here too have shown a bit of interest. We'll see what blossoms...

OK, and all that effort to find the pic at right? She'd be classified as a horse-face nowdays. I liked Six better.</update>

Wow. Thanks Giants Nation, for reminding me of one of the worst things I've ever watched with my own two eyes.

Pitchers and catchers report today in Giants Nation. I'm getting excited for this season, what with some familiar faces (Aurilia, Ortiz) returning to the Giants. I suppose, however, that for the rest of my life as a Giants fan, I'll have to relive this Disney-sponsored nightmare...

excerpt from Ortiz gets another shot in San Francisco

Ortiz was among the National League's premier pitchers during his Giants tenure, and his six-game winning streak helped push San Francisco into the playoffs in 2000. He later propelled the club to the 2002 World Series. Game 6 of the World Series against the Angels would be a pivotal moment. Ortiz gave up only two hits over 6 1/3 innngs, and then-manager Dusty Baker symbolically handed Oritz the "game ball" when pulled in the seventh. But San Francisco's 5-0 lead evaporated, and the Angels won that contest and captured Game 7 for the title. "I still have that ball," said Ortiz.

I can still remember that day. I was watching on a jumbotron at Yerba Buena Gardens, just outside the Metreon, along with maybe a thousand other Giants fans? We all knew that Russ Ortiz was prone to loading up the bases right around the sixth inning and just barely escaping with the win, so when Dusty pulled him, we figured it was for the better.

But then Dusty handed Russ the game ball.

And with one of my fuckhead friends counting down the outs (from 27 in the first inning, which we all told him was bad luck) we were witness to yet another sad chapter in Giants History-- via jumbotron.

Again, this would not be our year.

So, while certain older Giants fans can replay Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" off of Brooklyn Dodger Ralph Branca, my friends and I are stuck with memories of moping out of Yerba Buena Gardens thinking, "Oh fuck, we're gonna lose Game 7." I fuckin' hate Anahym.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Dispatches from the Blue State Frontier

I didn't watch the Grammys. That probably stems from the fact that I don't give a fuck about the Grammys. Although I somehow managed to find out that "Weird Al" Yankovic didn't win one. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Here's a bulletin from a friend of mine. Yes, Citizen SHoPpers, he is an actual friend of mine. I don't talk politics with my Leftist friends. They don't even read this blog. Their tolerance-- even for their good friend Jihad Jimmy-- has no room for the SHoP or the Republican Party. Pity.

myspace bulletin from my friend, titled "I love 'Chicks."

Yeah. I love 'Chicks. A couple years back, Natalie stood on stage in front of like, 18,000 people and denounced "President" Bush and the backlash that followed from the homophobic, right-wing, Rush Limbaugh worshiping assclowns was almost overwhelming. But yet, my 'Chicks stuck to their guns and told Toby Keith where he could put his opinions on their political dialogue. Last night, my 'Chicks stuck it up the ass of all those self-serving, war-mongering, racist Republifucks when they won Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Country Album. Eat that, Conservatives. Put your fuckin' head back in your suburban, beautifully manicured, hilarious and spoon-fed idealism and beliefs. The people have spoken.

Good buddy of mine. Unfortunately this is the same guy who has forwarded me a link to Loose Change on myspace not once but twice. I was speechless.

As one of the red state republicans here in the office just pointed out, who votes on the Grammys? Here's what wikipedia says...

wikipedia excerpt about the Grammys
Like the Oscars, the Grammys, which currently have 108 categories within more than 20 musical genres of music, are voted upon by peers (voting members of the [National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences]).

Wow. I wonder just who these "voting members" are. Are they everyday Joe Blow Americans? Or are they a select cadre from people in the entertainment industry?

A select cadre, who has: 1) enough political opinion to fill some shitty, feeble attempt at a backlash, but also 2) no way to exert this political opinion save for voting in meaningless awards ceremonies.

Yeah, that sounds about right. The Dixie Chicks won awards because a Left-leaning Academy had to make some political statement, right? Don't even try to wiggle out of it, that's just embarassing. I'd have more respect for you Leftists if you just admitted basic concepts like that. As it is, you don't. And as such, I feel sorry for you and your ignorant ilk.

The people have not spoken. The select cadre has spoken. If you feel that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences represents the best interests of you or me or your employer or your childrens' education or your religion or your lack thereof, then holy shit you don't deserve the privilege of voting in elections that decide our elected officials or policy. If you are so ignorant and celebrity-deluded that you think the NARAS represents your best path to the American Dream, then you're probably the same person who was completely devastated that Anna Nicole Smith breathed her last slutty breath.

I was just going to leave this post simply as my friend's myspace rant followed by my two-point rebuttal below. But holy shit, you Leftist-ignoramuses out there really did need everything in between spelled out for you. Especially about the bullshit that is Loose Change, so go back and read the maddox article again...

Tio Jaime's rebuttal, from Fort Tio Jaime, Your Red State Outpost in the Blue State Frontier
1) Toby Keith is a registered Democrat. 2) Blue America didn't give a fuck about Country Music until the Dixie Chicks came along. Trust me. The average Northern California Leftist can't name the Dixie Chicks.

I fuckin' hate my Blue State fuck-up neighbors,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Stupid women. Fucking up a perfectly crumulent study...

I could post a lot more today, but work is somewhat busy. Perhaps I'll have some funny videos from the linkdumps later this afternoon. But for now, I couldn't resist this one...

I was reading some yahoo! news headlines, finding good stories. I found one that talked about how napping is good for you (heh). Unfortunately, I got bored with the article real quick and was about to close it when I just barely caught this line.

My favorite line from the yahoo! news article. Emphasis mine.
It's likely that women reap similar benefits from napping, but not enough of them died during the study to be sure, said Dr. Dimitrios Trichopoulos, the study's senior author and a researcher at Harvard University and the University of Athens Medical School.

That's pretty funny. So I started to read the rest of the article, but got bored again. So i reread the funny line. About not enough women dying.

Even if you're a humorless feminist, that line should be funny. Not as funny as how exactly you ended up at the SHoP, but it's up there. Maybe that foreign doctor fucked up his engrish? I mean, the way this line was written it sounded like there were a bunch of doctors reviewing their results and complaining to each other, "Fuck! Why don't more of these old C-bombs just fucking die already?!?"

Which, interestingly enough, is what I think pretty often when having to interact with my old, aging-hippie-chick neighbors.

Ooh. Cheap shot? Yes, probably.

But I have to burn lines to get the 240 pixels that will take me to the end of that hippiechick jpeg I put on the right.

Am I there yet? A few more carriage returns should do the trick...

Anycrap, yes. I do wish that more of my selfish, leftist, hippie neighbors would curl up and die already. That'd free up parking on my street, at the very least...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Goodbye, Vickie Lynn...

This post is mirrored at Tio Jaime: Aleph One, as I was unable to post to the SHoP earlier today... It's here now, so enjoy!

---

I was trying to figure out various post titles... here are some of the runners-up. (And note, Little Brains, the correct plural of "runner-up")

Say it ain't so!

If I'm correct, that was the headline in the local papers when Joe Montana announced he was leaving the 49ers... or was it the Giants threatening to move to St. Petersburg?

I would've liked to have known you, but I was billions too poor...

Going with the Candle in the Wind theme here. Believe me, if I could embed some shitty MIDI, I would. And did nobody remember the horrible MIDIs of the mid/late 90s? I put them up at my xanga page for a while, until I myself was too annoyed by them. But WTF, no, now myspace felt the need to reintroduce embedded shit-music? Thanks, assholes.

Oh, I guess the real meat-and-potatoes-and-sweater-kittens of this post? Anna Nicole Smith died at age 39 today. I remember her being pretty hot before going the WHORE route, and then the nasty route. Here. wikipedia entry for you.

Well shit. Since I was stupid enough to link my blogger.com (fuck you, I ain't giving you a link) to my gmail account, now I can't get into the SHoP. And SHoP Overlord SixHertz isn't near his computer. So my devious plan of capitalizing on society's loss in the name of a SixHertz traffic spike is quickly taking a giant shit on itself.

I'm gonna mirror this post somewhere else for now...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Petty Officer Third Class Pablo Parades, First Lt. Ehren Watada... whatever!

I mean really, let's not look at the reasons for or against ditching a deployment to Iraq.

Let's instead look at the mainstream American Left.

The next Leftist I see, I'm gonna ask him/her about Pablo Parades. Hopefully, I'll run into a leftist at some "Free Watada" event, that'll make it all the sweeter... Lay 9 to win 5 that my hypothetical Leftist won't be able to tell me who Pablo Parades is or what he did back in 2004.

I've believed this for a long time now, and Parades is a good example of this (Watada will be a good example, give him a year)-- The Left will prey upon your stupidity and leave you in the cold once you've outlived your usefulness to them.

I'm gonna delete comments specifically about the war or chickenhawks, because those indicate that you didn't read what little post material there was to begin with. You've been warned.

"with or without you... the deal will proceed forward"

The commercials yesterday sucked. I expected a lot more. But I was able to catch wind of The Amazing Race All-Stars coming up soon (fuck you Boston Rob), and this series premiere right here...

Live, 3am Criticism of the series premiere of Rules of Engagement

You are now in chat room "AIMeatsmypoo." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:00 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:19 PM): OK, we're gonna have the series premiere of Rules of Engagement in a few minutes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:50 PM): and again, MwHCock is the perfect example of TiVo abuse... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:12 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:28 PM): OK maybe not yet... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:39 PM): OK, here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:47 PM): "When you're single, you're exactly as happy as you are. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:55 PM): When you're married... oh shit i missed it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:57 PM): ooh megyn price... she's hot dude JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:58 PM): "with or without you... the deal will proceed forward" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:25 PM): ooh wow his fiancee has nice hips JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:48 PM): you backed into a pole because you're a dumb housefrau who shouldn't be permitted to drive JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:28 PM): LOL letterman JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

That was kind of a short 3amC. This show has Megyn Price (who is freakin' HAWT) and Patrick Warburton, who I remember as Johnny Johnson from Season Five of Newsradio. He was the rival of Jimmy James. He from whom "Unka Jimmy" and consequently "Tio Jaime" were born.

This should be a good show, although it was somewhat like Till Death with Brad Garrett. Robert Barone versus Johnny Johnson would be an awesome showdown.

I meant to mention earlier, the Super Bowl had shitty commercials this year. The only ones I liked were the GM robot commercial, the Bud Light hitchhiker commercial, and that's probably it. I thought that Coke was rolling out their Coke BLAK by showing black people, but was disappointed that they were just playing the race card. I was impressed by the ads for this TV show as well as the motorcycle movie, but with a star-studded cast like that, I'm guessing that they shot their wads in the trailer...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

This is what happens when the common everyday idiot American only reads the headlines

Read the whole fucking article, for fuck's sake!!!

Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters

And just as a SHoP Overlord test to see if you are reading this very article, I'll put the original articles here, after the one second in chronological order. Just to fuck with your shit.

Sponge Germs Killed In Microwave
Researchers suggest zapping your kitchen sponge

blah blah blah escalation blah blah nancy pelosi

I don't care. Tie in the everyday idiot american how you want. You wanna remind us that these same sponge-retards elected W? Go ahead. Because I guaran-goddam-tee that all of these stupid housefraus whose kitchens smell like tires now and had to break out a new sponge-- they think President Bush is doing a bad job. They'll probably vote for Hillary Clinton because she's a woman or Barack Obama because he's black and housefraus tend to feel collective guilt for being white.

Left, Right... it doesn't fucking matter. Just wet your sponge first.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ

Heh. The talking heads are pointing out what your Tio Jaime pointed out in real time... the democrats didn't clap for things like a US Victory in Iraq. I guess they want us to lose.

Actually that wouldn't surprise me, as that would mean wonderful political fallout for the Degenerocrats. Ugh.

State of the Union, 23 January 2007

You are now in chat room "SixHertzHouseofSOTU." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:34 PM): hello dere! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:50 PM): OK, Bush just shook hands with Nancy Pelo-suck... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:03 PM): sorry i'm a bit behind the ball here... but here we go... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:28 PM): I'm watching on Fox JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:39 PM): OH FUCK YOU NANCY PELO-SUCK JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:56 PM): oh sweet it's Dick Cheney JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:14 PM): Nancy Pelo-suck was not a soccer mom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:38 PM): oh yay, "madame speaker" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:46 PM): Get Fucked JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:33 PM): Fuck this! What a pussy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:59 PM): The State of the Union must be pretty shitty then if we're starting off "Madame Speaker" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:58 PM): Fuck you Nancy Pelo-suck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:31 PM): 41st uninterrupted month of job growth... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:37 PM): "economy is on the move" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:58 PM): heh.. "keep it that way, not with more government but with more enterprise" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:33 PM): oh yes, balance federal budget w/o raising taxes! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:22 PM): you smug cunt-bag JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:26 PM): i hate hillary clinton JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:21:54 PM): woohoo minority students JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:23 PM): yeehaw!!! RIGHT TO CHOOSE, BITCHES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:52 PM): woohoo math and science skills! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): heh, democrats weren't really too enthused about our children not being stupid JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:22 PM): oh fuck health care JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:50 PM): woohoo private health insurance! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:30 PM): standard tax deduction if you're paying for your own healthcare JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:31 PM): wow, all of that health care shit seems to be smarter than anything Bill Clinton or other democrat could've possibly said JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:11 PM): woohoo Health Savings Accounts! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:24 PM): woohoo helping small businesses through associate savings plans JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:34 PM): woohoo reducing medical errors through some kind of technology JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:46 PM): woohoo medical liability reform JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:18 PM): hmm, i wonder why the democrats didn't stand up for medical liability reform JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:26 PM): well, they'll sneak in to have their children here so they get automatic citizenship JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:47 PM): woohoo melting pot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:29:08 PM): "without animosity and without amnesty" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:30:54 PM): woohoo ethanol JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:13 PM): i hate these snivelling democrats JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:21 PM): they look so seedy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:38 PM): fuck that... stupid democrats standing up because they heard something about "global climate change" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:45 PM): what a bunch of narrow-minded dumbshits JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:35:37 PM): dammit, i missed what he just said about terrorists JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:38 PM): ha ha, fuck you terrorists JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): and for most of the democrats in congress, this is the first they're hearing about the totalitarian evil that is radical islam JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:21 PM): all the democrats heard there was "ESCALATE!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:28 PM): what a bunch of shitheads JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:28 PM): ooh condoleezza! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:52 PM): the Secretary of Hotness JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:13 PM): wow, notice how the democrats didn't clap at the thought of free iraqis voting in a democratic election JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:44:31 PM): grumble grumble go the degenerocrats JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:45:05 PM): i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:28 PM): falling asleep again... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:31 PM): did i miss anything good? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:51:50 PM): something about increasing the military JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:52:09 PM): good, show a marine, not stupid ole hillary clinton JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:53:19 PM): guess the democrats love iran... they weren't so quick to stand JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:54:34 PM): he must've hit on a democrat talking point with darfur... they all stood up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:55:43 PM): 1.5 billion dollars will buy a lot of DDT... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:56:48 PM): gallery shout-outs! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:40 PM): woohoo great enterprising spirit! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:13 PM): woohoo go america JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:21 PM): i think that dude's daughter is asleep JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:43 PM): way to go, sergeant JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:04:27 PM): mmm... condi JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:56 PM): i'm hungry... it's time for dinner JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Listening to Senator Webb's response on behalf of the Degenerocratic Party. You shithead. Do you not understand the concept of capitalism? CEO's make money. That's what they do.

It's time for dinner. Fuck these ignorant Leftists.

Happy Kwan-Jimmy. Go fuck yourselves.

Since all of you unoriginal Leftists still have your panties in a bunch over George W. Bush and Iraq and probably the 2000 election still, I figured I'd post some Iraq quotes that will rile you up because they offend your current Leftist sensibilities. Or lack thereof.

Why the President went into Iraq

[Our Armed Forces'] purpose is to protect the national interest of the United States, and indeed the interests of people throughout the Middle East and around the world. Saddam Hussein must not be allowed to threaten his neighbors or the world with nuclear arms, poison gas or biological weapons. I want to explain why I have decided, with the unanimous recommendation of my national security team, to use force in Iraq; why we have acted now; and what we aim to accomplish.

There's a small hint there in that table.

I wonder if you Citizen SHoPpers caught it. Probably not, but I'd be curious to see your guesses in the comments. Not that I'm gonna hold my breath waiting...

More of why the President went into Iraq

The international community had good reason to set this requirement. Other countries possess weapons of mass destruction and ballistic missiles. With Saddam, there is one big difference: He has used them. Not once, but repeatedly. Unleashing chemical weapons against Iranian troops during a decade-long war. Not only against soldiers, but against civilians, firing Scud missiles at the citizens of Israel, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Iran. And not only against a foreign enemy, but even against his own people, gassing Kurdish civilians in Northern Iraq. The international community had little doubt then, and I have no doubt today, that left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will use these terrible weapons again.

If you'd paid attention to your Tio Jaime over the past six years, you'll know that I haven't thought of Bush to be the best Republican. I've only been moderately pleased with what a Republican president equipped with a Republican Congress has been able to produce in the face of nothing more than irritating opposition.

The strongest catchline from the Left? Dissent is Patriotic. Right. That's why the Democrats circle wagons whenever one of their own is being impeached. Or when it comes down to picking the Party over conscience.

Anycrap, with all the things that this President has done (heh, not done?), this justification for going into Iraq is solid. It's probably one of the only things history will look favorably upon out of such a polarizing administration.

Oh look! Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!

So Iraq has abused its final chance. As the [report] concludes, and again I quote, "Iraq's conduct ensured that no progress was able to be made in the fields of disarmament. "In light of this experience, and in the absence of full cooperation by Iraq, it must regrettably be recorded again that the commission is not able to conduct the work mandated to it by the Security Council with respect to Iraq's prohibited weapons program."

Fuck. Now I'm getting tired. Let's close this shit up, soon yah?

Ho, hum. Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!
At the same time, we are delivering a powerful message to Saddam. If you act recklessly, you will pay a heavy price. We acted today because, in the judgment of my military advisers, a swift response would provide the most surprise and the least opportunity for Saddam to prepare.

Non sequitur time, Citizen SHoPpers!

FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.

2007 corollary: Neither is rap. Heh, or golf, I guess.

A better ticket out of the ghetto is probably engineering. Or medicine. And a good way to work towards these tickets is Vouchers and School Choice.

Unless for you Leftist degenerates, "Choice" stops once the child falls out of the mother's crotch. Which I've gathered it does.

For fuck's sake, do you Degenerocrats not understand a single thing about foreign relations?
Finally, our allies, including Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain, concurred that now is the time to strike. I hope Saddam will come into cooperation with the inspection system now and comply with the relevant UN Security Council resolutions. But we have to be prepared that he will not, and we must deal with the very real danger he poses.

FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.

Said the oriental engineer who is watching Guess Who starring Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher at 3am in the safety of his own apartment. Devoid of people who both 1) love Bernie Mac more than other people do, and 2) would've been shouting at the screen had I caught this movie at the Bay Street 16.

I pray to God that you've figured the riddle out already.

The hard fact is that so long as Saddam remains in power, he threatens the well-being of his people, the peace of his region, the security of the world. The best way to end that threat once and for all is with a new Iraqi government -- a government ready to live in peace with its neighbors, a government that respects the rights of its people. Bringing change in Baghdad will take time and effort. We will strengthen our engagement with the full range of Iraqi opposition forces and work with them effectively and prudently.

SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.

It kinda goes without saying that black people today shouldn't be paid reparations from a coffer where orientals and mexicans have chipped in. Oh, and white people too, I guess...

Ooh, look, some of the best excerpts are coming up... Pay attention, now, Citizen SHoPpers...

I'm getting real fucking tired and Guess Who is almost done...

The decision to use force is never cost-free. Whenever American forces are placed in harm's way, we risk the loss of life. And while our strikes are focused on Iraq's military capabilities, there will be unintended Iraqi casualties. Indeed, in the past, Saddam has intentionally placed Iraqi civilians in harm's way in a cynical bid to sway international opinion. We must be prepared for these realities. At the same time, Saddam should have absolutely no doubt if he lashes out at his neighbors, we will respond forcefully.

Oh, I can hear the whining now... blah blah blah escalation blah blah How unoriginal do you have to be that even this stupid Republican right here recognizes the Leftist talking points being passed around and barely modified to at least have the illusion of creativity.

Can I go to sleep yet? The movie's over...

I'm gonna download some R. Kelly before I go to sleep...

Heavy as they are, the costs of action must be weighed against the price of inaction. If Saddam defies the world and we fail to respond, we will face a far greater threat in the future. Saddam will strike again at his neighbors. He will make war on his own people. And mark my words, he will develop weapons of mass destruction. He will deploy them, and he will use them. Because we're acting today, it is less likely that we will face these dangers in the future.

I'm too lazy to post links to the Kwan-Jimmy posts, but I'm sure you can find the one post prior to this one that you're reading right now. G'won, git! The links are all there.

And special thanks to OTW Mark (and subsequently The Patriot Post) for providing all of the inspiration for this post. One small paragraph there begat this whole post. Good shit.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- You never figured out the secret ending? It has to do with the bgcolor attributes of the tables...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Kwan-Jimmy!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.
SEVENTH PRINCIPLE OF KJ: Having your own dorms, fraternities and sororities, graduations, and even colleges is just another form of Separate But Equal

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Already, I've missed the first two Principles, as today is the Third Day of Kwan-Jimmy. To recap, since it's been a year since the last one...

FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.

69.5% for non-Hispanic blacks. Well, just as long as you women feel liberated and not subject to some stupid, white male oligarchy. It sucks that the converse of this SHoP Overlord's premise is that illegitimate childbirth is good for America. I don't know anybody who can argue that successfully, nevermind the incompetent, Leftist sniping which always follows when we on the Right use common sense and logic.

Ask a black person to "talk white" and you'll get a pretty humourous caricature of a white person. My Black Panther professor for Sports Sociology in Berkeley had a particularly good "white voice". Oh, the Leftist pigfuckers would laugh heartily when he'd do it during lecture in Pimentel Hall (the old PSL, for you Old Blues out there). The minute that "talking white" is no longer a source of amusement for the Black Community is the moment that all this racism hoo-haa will be said and done. It's not just white people who are to blame here. Said the Oriental.

Not only talking white, but acting white too, yah? It's not being true to your African-American brothas and sistahs to study and succeed next to all your white classmates-- sounds shitty, but it's more the norm than isn't. Hey that's fine. Just don't complain that blacks as a slice of the pie chart aren't faithfully represented in all the respected professions-- doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, dentists, engineers. You name it.

One of the reasons I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy was because the fake diversity was so irritating and detracted so much from the show. No Oriental doctors but three black ones? That's horseshit. Also, no filipino nurses but a new black nurse or orderly every other week? Gimme a break! At least they're portraying the black doctors correctly-- as Uncle Toms.

In any case, have a happy Kwan-Jimmy. I'll try to post each day through MLK Day.

Jihad Jimmy

Just two random things to take away from the SHoP today...

First, I find it funny how the contractor who is being paid by the State of California on the order of hundreds of millions of dollars to build a bridge on an interstate is the same contractor who can't set up something as simple as a voice mail/phone system in their jobsite trailer. Bad enough that my intended extension works only about half the time. Worse that the directory doesn't work worth shit. Worst that they don't have a receptionist for a 100-person trailer to answer phones or receive visitors.

Second, and you'll find that this is miles away from what I was just complaining about, I tried something this last weekend that LMHBrent suggested once, a long time ago back in Seattle-land.

1) Cut a hole in a box
1) Weigh yourself
2) Take a massive dump
3) Weigh yourself again
4) Do the Math

I was about to commence the pooping at the Marquette Hotel in downtown Minneapolis this past weekend, when lo and behold, there's a scale in the bathroom!

Imagine my surprise (and yours too, because I know deep down in your sick minds you were wondering just how much poop a husky-sized Filipino SHoP Overlord can make) when my W-sub-2 was higher than my W-sub-1. Somehow, I gained a pound pooping.

Happy Monday. I'm off to Fry's.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Why no, who did you think I was talking about in this post?

This is directed to nobody in particular. Heh.

This Thread has Been DeRailed Happens way too much here.

Sorry. Couldn't embed that animation on this page because I'm lazy. Rather, I'm busy at work. Enjoy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith