IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE

Figured I should post this Final Four episode of TAR:SFE. Season Finale tonight of what is the shittiest season of The Amazing Race.

Tio Jaime's Top Five Shitty Seasons of TAR? You got it!

1) TAR8. shitty family edition. hot miss louisana eliminated early. only solace is that tonight they'll show her again @ the finish line
2) TAR7. Had Rob and Amber, officially signifying the Shark-Jumping. Holy God they were annoying. Was so glad when uchenna and joyce finally won. in vitro, here we come! Notice how they turned off the popularity voting at the website so people like me couldn't vote against Romber.
3) TAR6. Too many couples. Notice how there weren't as many couples in following seasons who called each other "Baby"? That's because it got annoying. Hayden had nice boobs, though... ahh, sweet sweet Hayden
4) TAR4. Yeah, we get it. Reichen and Chip were gay. Would you like to remind us four times an episode or five times? Let us know so we can think of creative hate crimes.
5) TAR5. Chip and his wife Useless? What a shitty team, with exception of Chip. Thanks to Useless, they had to create that minimum Roadblock rule.

Live 3am Criticism of The Amazing Race: Shitty Family Edition from Tuesday 06 December 2005

You are now in chat room "TioJaimeSlow." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:01:13 PM): hello dere TioJ (9:01:19 PM): was watching peanuts TioJ (9:01:31 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:01:36 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING TioJ (9:01:45 PM): A MAZE ING AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING TioJ (9:01:48 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:01:53 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:01:57 PM): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAMAZING RACE TioJ (9:02:00 PM): A MAZE ING TioJ (9:02:05 PM): AMAZING A MAZE ING AMAZING! TioJ (9:03:00 PM): these BP commercials don't make sense at all TioJ (9:03:09 PM): they're not even funny by accident TioJ (9:05:03 PM): fake pit stop! TioJ (9:05:45 PM): Teams must not travel 49 miles to dubois, WY to Turtle Rance TioJ (9:07:16 PM): meanwhile, in Oakland... MwHCock is pissing me off with this Earl crap TioJ (9:08:22 PM): they didn't get gas TioJ (9:09:51 PM): g-sisters, you're the last family to arrive TioJ (9:09:54 PM): leg is not over TioJ (9:10:49 PM): ha ha bottlenecking TioJ (9:10:55 PM): the g-sisters are gonna catch up TioJ (9:11:01 PM): and i wanna molest tricia g-sister TioJ (9:16:43 PM): they're going down a dirt road TioJ (9:16:45 PM): somewhere TioJ (9:17:17 PM): a Detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons TioJ (9:17:31 PM): Pioneer Spirit or Native Tradition TioJ (9:17:43 PM): drive a wagon or build a teepee TioJ (9:19:10 PM): g-sisters building the teepee TioJ (9:19:23 PM): linzes, bransens doing the wagon TioJ (9:19:57 PM): the bransen daughters are gonna suck this one up TioJ (9:20:03 PM): weavers doing the teepee too TioJ (9:22:06 PM): linzes on their wagon TioJ (9:22:44 PM): wow the bransen daughters didn't fuck it up TioJ (9:23:08 PM): 220 miles to Cody Wyoming to the Irma hotel TioJ (9:23:20 PM): after one of Buffalo bill's hot daughters TioJ (9:23:33 PM): IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE TioJ (9:24:40 PM): ooh hi tricia g-sister TioJ (9:27:03 PM): ooh tricia crotch TioJ (9:31:22 PM): i wanna mount tricia g-sister TioJ (9:31:52 PM): The Irma! TioJ (9:32:49 PM): ooh hi irma TioJ (9:32:59 PM): oh maybe that isn't Irma TioJ (9:33:15 PM): but that wyoming-momma is HAWT TioJ (9:34:55 PM): teams must now travel 73 miles to red lodge, MT TioJ (9:35:32 PM): ooh yeah wyoming momma TioJ (9:35:37 PM): ooh yeah bransen daughters TioJ (9:36:38 PM): A Roadblock is a task normally performed by one person TioJ (9:36:59 PM): But in this shitty family edition of TAR, blah blah blha TioJ (9:37:15 PM): what a shitty detour TioJ (9:37:29 PM): they closed down an entire golf course? TioJ (9:37:39 PM): and if you miss a ball, shit you could be there forever TioJ (9:38:26 PM): WHORE CITY TioJ (9:40:03 PM): and the hot wyomomma was getting pissed TioJ (9:40:28 PM): oh they're fucked TioJ (9:40:37 PM): did it say it would be the hole? TioJ (9:41:01 PM): nice job bransen daughters TioJ (9:41:07 PM): bransen daughters in first TioJ (9:41:17 PM): 43 miles to Green Meadow Ranch TioJ (9:41:21 PM): 10,000 acre cattle rance TioJ (9:46:42 PM): whoa victoria's secret fashion show after TAR TioJ (9:50:23 PM): and i would like to orally pleasure tricia g-sister TioJ (9:50:42 PM): oh it'll be the bransens first TioJ (9:51:14 PM): bransen daughters team #1 TioJ (9:51:24 PM): ooh elimination leg! TioJ (9:51:36 PM): ooh TioJ (9:51:49 PM): brand new buick loofa TioJ (9:51:54 PM): linz family team #2 TioJ (9:52:19 PM): actually i'd rather have the g-sisters instead of the weavers TioJ (9:52:33 PM): go g-sisters! TioJ (9:52:59 PM): man i want to molest tricia godelewski TioJ (9:53:44 PM): yeah like it's really that close TioJ (9:53:53 PM): weavers team #3 TioJ (9:54:32 PM): g-sisters last team to arrive TioJ (9:54:44 PM): sorry to tell you you've been eliminated from the race TioJ (9:55:25 PM): and i would like to rub one out to tricia g-sister TioJ (9:56:11 PM): oh yes TioJ (9:56:31 PM): the traditional hyping-up of the finale TioJ (9:59:02 PM): next week on the two-hour finale of the amazing race TioJ (9:59:27 PM): was that a BART tunnel? TioJ has left the chat room.

No race riots yet, but the night is young

Making D&M clips right now. Less than ten minutes until they execute a killer. Ha ha.

Maybe I'll pick up a shotgun tomorrow...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[update date="20051213" time="0000"]
under a minute left! it's just like New Years Eve!
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0002"]
KTVU just told me "you don't know exactly what time the execution occurs." Well shit.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0006"]
Watching the KTVU broadcast from San Quentin. Showing shots of the crowd. What a wonderful place to take your kids on a school night. How exceptional must your parenting skills be.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0008"]
KTVU is decribing the Took-man's last day. He ate oatmeal. He got some mail. Why are stupid schoolchildren writing him? What the hell are they teaching kids nowadays? You Leftist Fuck-Ups make me so goddam sick.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0012"]
Leslie Griffith looks HAWT. God Bless the Bay Area, except for all you Leftist Blue State Fuck-Ups. You all can burn in hell.

And if I may take the time to point out right now, this shitty liveblogging could easily have been circumvented by a 3am Criticism. And ooh, it would've been 3am on the east coast.

And speaking of which, I'd like to take the time to complain that my only relationship prospect right now is Pittsburg(h) Amy. Who lives in one of the metropolitan areas furthest away from the SF Bay Area.
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0018"]
California's first execution after the lifting of the moratorium was Robert Alton Harris in the early 90s, and his execution was delayed from midnight until daybreak at around 6am. On that note, screw this, I'm going to bed.

Kick-me-in-the-crotch-and-spit-on-my-neck, Leslie Griffith is HAWT
[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0024"]
And now they're interviewing the Little Brains in the crowd. Some dumb C.U.N.T. from one neighborhood over.

YOU DUMBFUCK GO HOME AND LET YOUR SON GET SOME SLEEP.

Leslie Griffith is HAWT

[/update]

[update date="20051213" time="0044"]
Trosama min Asi and I were chatting whilst watching KTVU's Williams Execution coverage. God, do I hate these Leftist Degenerate Blue State Fuck-Ups...

OFFICIAL TIME OF DEATH 12:36!!!!!

12:27 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: check out the SHoP TrosamaMinAsi: the only reason why robert alton harris took so long is because they kept appealing since he was the first one executed since the ban on executions TrosamaMinAsi: I think he is dead by now JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yeah that's what KTVU was saying 12:30 AM TrosamaMinAsi: i am watching ktvu as well JihadJimmyMWCCDF: leslie griffith is hot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that was a stupid fucking question that dennis richmond asked JihadJimmyMWCCDF: show more leslie griffith TrosamaMinAsi: I know huh TrosamaMinAsi: more rita williams TrosamaMinAsi: I should sleep JihadJimmyMWCCDF: NO JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yeah i should too JihadJimmyMWCCDF: but i just wanna blog the execution TrosamaMinAsi: but I will be more comfortable knowing that one more "animal" is off the street TrosamaMinAsi: I watched godfather the other night JihadJimmyMWCCDF: where did they find so many stupid fucking people to wait outside San Quentin? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: don't these people have lives? TrosamaMinAsi: those my friends TrosamaMinAsi: are the true believers in hope JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you missed it when they interviewed some dumb C.U.N.T. from Montclair TrosamaMinAsi: they have convinced themselves that they can save a [RACIAL INVECTIVE] by standing outside the prison TrosamaMinAsi: Oh I saw that JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that was the fucking stupidest thing ever TrosamaMinAsi: I think they should televise it TrosamaMinAsi: the execution JihadJimmyMWCCDF: it's like interviewing people after a plane crash TrosamaMinAsi: I think they are reporting for the sake of reporting TrosamaMinAsi: they are creating news TrosamaMinAsi: I love the media TrosamaMinAsi: like right now 12:35 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this is such a non-story! if it wasn't for hollyweird there wouldn't be a story here TrosamaMinAsi: they should play the song from Dr Strangelove JihadJimmyMWCCDF: ha ha, people are leaving JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "we'll meet again?" TrosamaMinAsi: How many reporters does ktvu have TrosamaMinAsi: hold on gonna change stations JihadJimmyMWCCDF: at least two? TrosamaMinAsi: nbc has jay leno JihadJimmyMWCCDF: no keep it on 2! they're interviewing some dumbfuck! JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody else has anything JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i checked TrosamaMinAsi: oh that guy is a dumb fuck TrosamaMinAsi: he is wearing a construction vest TrosamaMinAsi: do you know him JihadJimmyMWCCDF: no, thank God TrosamaMinAsi: what does stanley tookie williams mean to people TrosamaMinAsi: his hat says the city JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "beacon of hope to many people" TrosamaMinAsi: he is a black man trapped in a white body TrosamaMinAsi: he looks like colin farrell JihadJimmyMWCCDF: (The City was the old logo for the Golden State Warriors) JihadJimmyMWCCDF: STFU JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Rita Williams inside the prison JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OFFICIAL TIME OF DEATH 12:36!!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: I know they used to play in the city JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WOOOOOOO WHEEEEEEE!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: Rejoice TrosamaMinAsi: Rejoice TrosamaMinAsi: It is over JihadJimmyMWCCDF: EAT A BIG ONE, YOU LEFTIST FUCKUPS!!!! TrosamaMinAsi: that was a truck JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you gimme a call if you need help fighting off looters TrosamaMinAsi: what happened during the death TrosamaMinAsi: he died TrosamaMinAsi: what are you doing at 4 tomorrow TrosamaMinAsi: we should go to the rally at city hall JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i have a grown-up job to go to, dude TrosamaMinAsi: hello TrosamaMinAsi: i like the pigtails JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you dumb C.U.N.T. 12:40 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i hate these Dumbfuck Bay Aryans TrosamaMinAsi: traffic will be a bitch to get out JihadJimmyMWCCDF: good point JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i would've left early JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or not gone at all JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck 'em, did they think they'd actually stop an execution? JihadJimmyMWCCDF: say hello to the SHoP, T TrosamaMinAsi: hello shop JihadJimmyMWCCDF: say goodnight, T TrosamaMinAsi: goodnight shoppers

[/update]

Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!

I've loved Peanuts ever since I got my first plush Snoopy in the late Carter Administration. And HFS, this is freakin' hilarious!

A CHARLIE BROWN KWANZAA

Whut de fuck you do to mah shrub?!?

Anybody care to burn this to CD-ROM for Citizen SHoPper OTWMark?

Tio J

God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors

Got the following e-mail this morning from Citizen SHoPper Mark Nicodemo. All you whiny bitches, lookee here, it's a bgcolor=lightsalmon! Set phasers to "Leftist Whining!"

The e-mail was in response to my comments left on his post here. Looking for background information on Kwan-Jimmy? Citizen SHoPper, you've come to the right place!

Read on...

Being the opinionated truth-warrior that I am...

Dear Tio J: Speaking of Kwan-Jimmy (hilarious, by the way) check out the first news post from a local university: http://www.dom.edu/campusnews/ Being the opinionated truth-warrior that I am (lol), I sent the person listed an e-mail yesterday: Dear Ms. Wright: I noticed with some disappointment on the Dominican University "Campus News" page the post on "Pre-Kwanzaa." ("Pre-Kwanzaa will be celebrated daily from December 12 - 17 in the Library Link.") Putting aside for a moment the oddity that a Catholic University would celebrate a non-catholic holiday (why doesn't Dominican also celebrate Hanukkah, Ramadan, etc.?), students and faculty should know: * Its founder, Ron Karenga, a Marxist professor, was founder of the militant black power organization United Slaves. In 1971 was arrested for assaulting and torturing two female members of his organization. * Among the holiday's main tenets are elements of Karenga's own Marxist beliefs. * The holiday itself is geographically and linguistically inaccurate. Columnist Paul Mulshine writes: "Ghana and Kenya are on opposite sides of the continent. This brings up an obvious question about Kwanzaa: Why did Karenga use Swahili words for his fictional African feast? American blacks are primarily descended from people who came from Ghana and other parts of West Africa. Kenya and Tanzania--where Swahili is spoken--are several thousand miles away, about as far from Ghana as Los Angeles is from New York. Yet in celebrating Kwanzaa, African-Americans are supposed to employ a vocabulary of such Swahili words as "kujichagulia" and "kuumba." This makes about as much sense as having Irish-Americans celebrate St. Patrick's Day by speaking Polish." See also: http://www.dartreview.com/issues/1.15.01/kwanzaa.html I hope that in celebrating this "holiday," Dominican University will fully inform its students about its entire history. Yours sincerely, Mark Nicodemo

Before you start in on us with the unoriginal Leftist Degenerate gripes, no, this isn't the War-on-Christmas post which seems to be all the craze this December. This is simply another SHoP Oppression-of-the-Black-Man-by-None-Other-than-the-Black-Man post.

On a somewhat unrelated note, my parents were putting up their Christmas Tree yesterday at Old Fort Tio Jaime. I jokingly recommended to them that they "put up a Holiday Tree". Ha ha. Unlike you Citizen SHoPpers, they didn't get the joke. So I pulled out all the stops and said, "Fine. What you should really get is a Muslim-Exclusion Tree."

And lo and behold, they loved that idea.

And at long last, Citizen SHoPpers, I propose to you a long overdue nickname for your fellow Citizen SHoPper Mark Nicodemo... OTWMark!

[crickets audible="chirping"]

Well, screw the rest of you. I'm gonna call him that.

Jimmy-appointed nicknames have been around for a long time. See if you can find yourself here.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Change in SHoP Programming

Tio Jaime isn't quite up for 3amC-ing Grey's Anatomy. Not because it sucks this season, and nor because tonight's episode is bound to suck if only because the episode teaser in yahoo! started off with "Burke and Yang..."

So I set the VCR, will likely watch later this week. Saw that there was an aircraft carrier special on the Discovery Channel...

...but shit it's that dirty jobs show. Something about pig farming. Which reminds me, check out Snatch (the movie, fellow perverts). Good movie. If you liked Pulp Fiction, you'll like Snatch. And isn't it mindblowing how Pulp Fiction came out around 10 years ago?

Anycrap, gonna put some laundry away, read some Half-Blood Prince. When GA is done taping, maybe some GTA:SA?

Enjoy the remainder of the weekend, Citizen SHoPpers (which, even if you're a Pac-10 Citizen SHoPper, you still really only have an hour and forty-seven minutes left),

Tio Jaime

Lighten the fuck up already!

First the 49ers, now the SFPD...

Excerpt from S.F. police to suspend up to 20 cops over videos

In one video, which spoofed the TV show "Charlie's Angels," three gun-toting police women in T-shirts and blue jeans report to a police captain, who sits behind a desk and suggestively licks his lips. Through the rest of the clip, a street person, an apparent transvestite, and several others lick their lips in a similar manner and say, "Ohhh, captain." Another video showed a lazy pair of officers who ignored several dispatches while reading the newspaper, napping in their cruiser and practicing martial arts in a parking lot. When gunshots are reported, they race off with their lights flashing and siren wailing -- only to show up at a massage parlor the driver had spotted in a magazine ad.

What part of "on the outside looking in" do you Leftist killjoys not understand? Just because everybody else around you has a sense of humor, that doesn't mean you have to drop trou and start shitting on people's parades.

Get Bent, Mayor Gavin Newsom. Get Bent, Chief Heather Fong.

You porrice officer! You first femarre porrice chief for major metroporritan area! You make ancestors from mainrrand very proud! Very proud!

MwHCock's quasi-3amC of My Name is Earl

Whether he knew it or not, whether he liked it or not, a couple of nights ago MwHCock had somewhat of a 3am Criticism! It wasn't a full fledged bona fide 3amC, what with the fact that he wasn't really even trying, but oh heck yeah it's SHoPpable...

selling packages to the cal/tennessee game already

8:36 PM MwHCock: mah nigga MwHCock: how you doin'? TioJ: yo TioJ: just fucking got home MwHCock: damn MwHCock: where were you? TioJ: lotsa traffic on 24 TioJ: then had to run an errand in berkeley TioJ: fuck me TioJ: http://www.gettravel.com/sports/cal/index.html#PioneerBowl TioJ: scroll down TioJ: selling packages to the cal/tennessee game already MwHCock: we should go TioJ: let's do it TioJ: should we sign up through this one here? MwHCock: If I go, I'll only stay at the hotel max 1 day MwHCock: i'd stay with [MwHCock's brother] otherwise

MwHCock's little brother is a reformed Strip Club Fiend and is a newly commissioned officer in the US Army. Some pics floating around, we'll try to get him some SHoP time. MwHCock's little brother lives in Tennessee w/his new wife (when he's not off fighting terrorists), and will likely play host to visiting California Golden Bears when the Bears try to take on the Volunteers...

Dude, I love the Colbert Report

8:40 PM MwHCock: Dude, I love the Colbert Report MwHCock: so funny TioJ: what's that? MwHCock: Stephen colbert was a correspondent on the daily show MwHCock: he has his own show now MwHCock: he puts a more conservative slant on things MwHCock: He had Tim Robbins on (who is a noted liberal) TioJ: oh that sounds good MwHCock: First question "My first question is a 2 parter: 1) What was it like working on Shawshank? 2) Why do you hate America?" TioJ: LOL MwHCock: watch it tonight MwHCock: it's actually on right now MwHCock: turn to comedy central 8:45 PM TioJ: don't have it MwHCock: d'oh TioJ: 3am criticize it, i'll put it on the SHoP

ha ha, eff you tim robbins! why don't you try to pull a censorship card again?

Maria Sharapova has huge shoulders

8:50 PM MwHCock: anderson cooper is on MwHCock: he's surprisingly not a tool MwHCock: actually funny 8:55 PM TioJ: he was the host of The Mole MwHCock: i know MwHCock: He's showing Colbert his anchor moves MwHCock: the lean forward unbotton MwHCock: he does that for emphasis MwHCock: Maria Sharapova has huge shoulders MwHCock: they're scary MwHCock: they're phil jackson style TioJ: keep going dude...

OK now here's where he gets annoying. Seriously, if i was allowed to watch one show a year and only one show, I'd watch The Amazing Race. Even if it was a shitty family version with Boston Rob.

well, actually that's not true. I'd watch the shittiest season of The Mole before I'd watch the best season of TAR. The Mole was just like TAR, but with the cool espionage, backstabbing. And there was a San Jose lesbian on the first season.

And actually that's not true either. I didn't bother with the shitty Celebrity Mole. Because it had shitty celebrities.

i've tried NBC in the past, and w/o fail, all the shows took huge shits on themselves

9:00 PM MwHCock: Now My Name is Earl is on MwHCock: GO GO GO MwHCock: NBC TioJ: yeah, umm no TioJ: TAR: Shitty Family Edition MwHCock: GO GO GO MwHCock: fuck TAR TioJ: i've already watched each episode TioJ: i'm not gonna stop right now for some shitty NBC piece of crap MwHCock: Earl is hilarious TioJ: i've tried NBC in the past, and w/o fail, all the shows took huge shits on themselves TioJ: doesn't fucking matter MwHCock: no, this is a great show MwHCock: be flexible TioJ: what part of The Amazing Race don't you understand? TioJ: if i were to watch only one show a year, it'd be TAR MwHCock: why watch a shitty show when a hilarious one is on TioJ: even this shitty family edition 9:05 PM TioJ: because #1 NBC has fucked me in the past by getting me to watch shit TioJ: and #2 TAR is my favorite goddam show for the last fucking time MwHCock: ok MwHCock: you're missing out TioJ: and you're not fucking listening to your goddam friend MwHCock: I'm listening MwHCock: i don't agree TioJ: and now you're making me not want to watch this shitty Earl show ever because you keep insisting on it TioJ: keep going MwHCock: ok MwHCock: Earl is hilarious MwHCock: and your missing the beginning MwHCock: the funniest parts MwHCock: go go go MwHCock: now now now MwHCock: i already have EVERY other episode recorded for you MwHCock: so you can catch up NOW TioJ: can't talk TioJ: 3amC-ing 9:10 PM TioJ: OK commercial TioJ: I'm gonna SHoP all of this shit, i hope you realize MwHCock: meh

And finally, congratulations to the once ranked #10 California Golden Bears who managed to eke out a 4-4 pac-10 record for a Las Vegas Bowl berth. Dumbfucks. I already planned for the Vicetivus VI trip in January! I'll watch from goddam Hooters, I suppose...

dublin hooters?

9:15 PM MwHCock: Are we gonna get together to watch the pioneer bowl? TioJ: fuck dude, it's on a thursday night! MwHCock: i know MwHCock: that blows TioJ: what'd you have in mind? TioJ: dublin hooters? MwHCock: Cock compound MwHCock: turkey fry TioJ: probably just gonna go to hoooters or zoo w/trose to watch MwHCock: ok 9:45 PM TioJ: yo you wanna 3amC the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show? TioJ: ooh yeah MwHCock: Nah TioJ: actually i was gonna play san andreas

Enough for now. Gonna tie up some loose ends, try to head home...

Tio J

FMK: Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Fleur Delacour?

i've had this discussion w/LMHBrent before, and this chat kinda confirms that Filipinos are into wordplay. I actually have to post a legend to decipher the abbreviations we use in the chat. See how many you can figure out on your own!

Tio J

More SHoP Overlord chat (from Tues-dee 06 December 2005)

9:48 PM TioJ: you wanna 3amC the Victoria's Secret fashion show? LMHBrent: ooh TioJ: yesh 10:15 PM TioJ: GTA: SA, or harry potter, or D&M clips TioJ: ? LMHBrent: FMK? LMHBrent: j/k j/k 10:20 PM TioJ: OK... LMHBrent: wow the VS show is something on hd TioJ: holy shit TioJ: i can only imagine TioJ: OK TioJ: FMK: Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Fleur Delacour? TioJ: wow that's a tough one LMHBrent: Fleur, Hermione, Ginny LMHBrent: yeah that's tough TioJ: i'd have to say fleur, ginny, hermione TioJ: and you know how much i like hermione LMHBrent: why would you k her? TioJ: if only because fleur and ginny are *even better* LMHBrent: hehe LMHBrent: wow TioJ: man... i wanna see VS in HD! LMHBrent: oh it's suhweetah LMHBrent: but i have to run back to my room to see it TioJ: go... don't let me stop you LMHBrent: ok TioJ: jax0r one for me! LMHBrent: HAHAHAHA LMHBrent: well not when seal is on LMHBrent: i can hear him in the other room TioJ: that's gross TioJ: and that's not fair that he's married to heidi klum TioJ: OK i'm gonna GTA:SA then LMHBrent: okay LMHBrent: HE IS!??? shizzle TioJ: yeah dude LMHBrent: ttyl dawg TioJ: see ya LMHBrent: lucky dawg LMHBrent: cya

3amC = 3am Criticize, 3am Criticism
GTA:SA = Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
D&M = Don and Mike
FMK = Fuck, Marry, Kill
j/k = just kidding
VS = Victoria's Secret
hd = High Definition (yeah dude, LMHB was watching the Victoria's Secret pr0n in HD!!!)
jax0r = self-abuse
heidi klum = hot SI swimsuit chick and VS porno model. No myster here, just wanted to talk about heidi klum...
ttyl = "talk to you later"
cya = "see ya"

dude we were kinda counting on you-- well, really your woman to provide the non-stripper females

In hindsight, SixH never said why his dad couldn't come to the bachelor party.

Cool sidebars: check out the ACLU quote, as well as the article about the Vatican... you want some old SHoP posts? that might take a while...

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?
Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?, Part II
Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?, Part III

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 10:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Well, there you go. Enjoy.

Tio Jaime

SHoP Overlord chat from Tues-dee 29 November 2005

SixH: Hey, look what I just found... SixH: "I seek the social ownership of property, the abolition of the propertied class and sole control by those who produce wealth. Communism is, of course, the goal." - Roger Baldwin, Co-Founder of the ACLU 9:15 PM TioJ: OK questions for you... TioJ: 1) have you secured passage to Vicetivus VI? SixH: 1) No. TioJ: and 2) is your dad coming to vegas for your BP? SixH: 2) No TioJ: 1) hurry the fuck up because prices are good right now TioJ: and 2) WTF, why not? SixH: For 1), there is a fare sale, however, it may not be that more than me goes. SixH: Tell me the times you arrive/leave. SixH: I shall purchase a ticket now. TioJ: ? SixH: FOR VEGAS TioJ: "may not be that more than me goes?" TioJ: and we're flying in Thursday early afternoon SixH: By that, I mean, I'm the only one going. No non-sausages. 9:20 PM SixH: sorry, that was munged up TioJ: another sausage-fest? SixH: yeah. :( As far as I know TioJ: dude we were kinda counting on you-- well, really your woman to provide the non-stripper females SixH: well, yeah. TioJ: you were saying that Shiraz's brother and buddy wanna come? SixH: Standby 9:25 PM SixH: when you leaving? TioJ: thursday 12 january? should arrive around 1400hrs SixH: no, leaving LAS TioJ: oh TioJ: standby SixH: and time 9:30 PM TioJ: ohhh noooes!!! cry me a big fucking river!!! TioJ: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051130/ts_nm/pope_gays_usa_dc TioJ: fucking tards TioJ: fuck you heathens then! if something like Vatican edict gets in the way of your worship, then GTFO of my fucking church SixH: ok, so sunday or monday? TioJ: oh standby 9:35 PM TioJ: should be sunday afternoon... SixH: it's MLK jr weekend. SixH: don't you have monday off? TioJ: can't confirm though SixH: ok, you kinda need to. TioJ: i should, but i think trose booked the flights for thurs-sunday SixH: so I'm not leaving early/late. TioJ: OK standby SixH: crap SixH: on SixH: a SixH: stick TioJ: should be leaving vegas late sunday morning, or early sunday afternoon TioJ: trose still @ work, but i'd put that at a 97% certainty SixH: k, well, I have shit for fare deals for sunday. 9:40 PM SixH: where are you staying? TioJ: imperial palace SixH: hehe, is that where we did the champagne buffet? TioJ: oh yessir SixH: roughly how much per night? SixH: Trying to see if Shiraz's friends would wanna come TioJ: we have flight and 3 nights for about $250 each SixH: where did you get that deal? TioJ: Trosama found it on Southwest vacations SixH: ah TioJ: good shit

go fuck yourself CALPIRG!

I realize I haven't had any run-ins with you since you bothered our lecture in Pimentel, but FUCK YOU CALPIRG!!! I'm gonna fucking leave you drunk messages on Broadway until you learn better!

Please take note Citizen SHoPpers! CALPIRG is some faggoty Leftist group which preys on the stupidity of the common Degenerocrat. Fuck 'em. They came whoring around our lectures at Berkeley, asking for money for some Leftist bullshit, and I guess they have a bunch of grownups trying to do mentally masturbating Leftist shit all around the goddam golden state.

I'm very drunk right now.

I got drunk here and then left a message at the SF calpirg office down the street because it seemed like the right thing to do.

message probably wen tsomething like: "CALPIRG, fuck you you're ruining america. go fuck yourselves, you leftist FUCKS. sixhertz dot blogspot dot com. FUCK YOU."

i hope you pigfuckers on broadway are reading this right now. Bookmark the goddam SHoP, becuase you haven't heard the last from my guerilla republican ass.

Get Bent,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

[update date="20051208" time="0039" reason="Tio Jaime's so fucking drunk right now"]

i'm sober enough to maintain a good 70 wpm

12:25 AM TioJ: HOLY FUCK I'M DRUNK TioJ: CHECK OUT THE SHOP TioJ: AND mark nicodemo.mu.nu TioJ: left him some comments SixH: I saw! SixH: hfs TioJ: you like that shit, baby? TioJ: FUCK YOU GAYS TioJ: and to think... i could've stayed home and played GTA:SA SixH: oh god, you're trashed TioJ: well, not really TioJ: i'm sober enough to maintain a good 70 wpm SixH: did you drive home? TioJ: oh fuck no TioJ: trose drove SixH: ok, good. was he drunk? TioJ: nope... TioJ: FUCK YOU LEFTIST PIGFUCKERS!!! 12:30 AM TioJ: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051208/ts_nm/security_plane_dc TioJ: WTF TioJ: "Passenger killed by air marshals?" TioJ: why "passenger" TioJ: why not "terrorist" TioJ: or "dumbfuck" TioJ: LOL TioJ: oh fuck me TioJ: poor bastard SixH: yeah, someone wasn't taking his qualudes. SixH: how do you spell qualudes? TioJ: you're asking the wrong SHoP Overlord, my friend SixH: kwayludes. TioJ: quaaludes? TioJ: for some reason i think there's an extra "a" in there somewhere SixH: dirty martini for me, rufee-colada for the lady. Giggity giggity. TioJ: fuck dude, how republican are we? we can't even spell these drugs correctly TioJ: WHO GIVES A FUCK, BITCHES TioJ: I'M HIGH ON JESUS TioJ: FUCK YEAH TioJ: JESUS! FUCK YEAH! TioJ: fuck man, i'm going to bed TioJ: gimme a call when you're in town, yo SixH: I'll be there tomorrow. Will do. :D TioJ: SAN JOSE! FUCK YEAH! 12:35 AM TioJ: goddamit my drunken HTML skillz never cease to amaze me SixH: you posted this convo, didn't you. :D TioJ: NOT YET MOTHERFUCKER!

[/update]

Who in the hell picks these nimrods to speak before congress?

Who the hell organizes these dog and pony shows? *Cough*Black Caucus*Cough*

Victims: Racism was factor in slow Katrina response.

Commence eyeball rolling. This is no surprise. And expect the lawsuits to come into the picture as well. Oh, please, let's pick something else besides race here. How about this: FLOODING was factor in slow Katrina response. CORRUPTION was factor in slow Katrina response. INEPT LOCAL GOVERNMENT was factor in slow Katrina response. ALIENS were a factor in slow Katrina response (illegal aliens?). Hell, blame Bush! He doesn't care! BUSH was factor in slow Katrina response!

But, no. Instead, you get some Aunt Jemima wanna-be talking about how military troops focused machine gun laser targets on her granddaughter's forehead and called out racial epithets. Fine, you pull the race card, then I'll pull out the bullshit card. She's obviously been watching a few too many James Cameron movies waiting for Jesse Jackson's Social Justice Crusade Truck® to roll in, because National Guard troops don't put laser targeting devices on their weaponry, let alone point them at civilians. Jesus, if you're going to use theatrics, get it friggin' RIGHT, will you?!

Garbage in, Garbage out.

The sad thing is that the black caucus (and most of the more influential "racial activists" in this country) maintains its power over blacks by ensuring their current state is one of abuse and abject welfare.

This is the result of social welfare. Whatever happened to the ownership society?

Behind the Scenes at the SHoP and Tio Jaime Nation

Here's a hint for any visiting trolls:

bgcolor=lightsalmon for right-leaning quotes
bgcolor=lightblue for left-leaning quotes
bgcolor=burlywood for scatological conversation
bgcolor=khaki for almost everything else

This is the convention I myself use. SixHertz himself doesn't have a convention. And for those of you who still haven't figured it out, I'm Tio Jaime-- not SixHertz. See the khaki down below? It's apolitical. Try to find it in your Little Brain to enjoy the post outside the realm of online, hyper-polarized, threatening-physical-violence-from-your-excremento-dial-up-connection politics. You'll probably even like it.

More Don and Mike goodness from your SHoP Overlords!

SixH: ok, send it on over SixH: :D TioJ: lemme export... TioJ: Phonescan Shout.mp3 TioJ: i finally fucking found the segment SixH: LOL! TioJ: OK so that in conjunction with the Dis Am De Black Dog sound? that explains two major things i've been saying for the past year SixH: the past two years. :P TioJ: past two years? SixH: yep. ;) SixH: poo comes out TioJ: maybe year and a half TioJ: yeah that was 02 august 2004 SixH: yeah;, that's more accurate. TioJ: i'm gonna listen to it again SixH: ;)

Normally, no, it's a bad practice to address your trolls directly in a post, but Holy Fucking Shit, this one isn't even entertaining by accident. At least Viking and Hilton and scott underhill and even that Chavez guy are entertaining when they visit. Those guys make you wanna post more in the hopes that they'll snipe you on your own blog. Oh yeah, you read that right...

Fried Weird? Makes me wanna turn the computer off and go play Halo. Or GTA:SA.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Thurs-dee Quizzes!

In memory of my xb0x0r which is down at my parents' house w/their new Sony 50" LCD (hooowhee!) I've taken some Halo quizzes!


You are Grif. You are known for your excellent
comebacks, and your constant annoying sarcasm.
You're always up for a good staring challenge,
or an argument over something stupid. But there
is some people, you just can't seem to
beat...and that would be Donut. You try to stay
away from him as much as possible.
(Full Name: Private Dexter Grif.)
(Armor Color: Orange.)


A Halo Quiz: Which Red vs Blue character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Halo character are you? The flood You are like a sheep in a herd, you follow everyone else and rarely think for yourself.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Thanks, assholes, for passing on shitty html in your quizzes!

On Sacrifice

This great war effort must be carried through to its victorious conclusion by the indomitable will and determination of the people as one great whole.
It must not be impeded by the faint of heart.
It must not be impeded by those who put their own selfish interests above the interests of the nation.
It must not be impeded by those who pervert honest criticism into falsification of fact.
It must not be impeded by self-styled experts either in economics or military problems who know neither true figures nor geography itself.
It must not be impeded by a few bogus patriots who use the sacred freedom of the press to echo the sentiments of the propagandists in Tokyo and Berlin.
And, above all, it shall not be imperiled by the handful of noisy traitors --betrayers of America, (and) betrayers of Christianity itself -- would-be dictators who in their hearts and souls have yielded to Hitlerism and would have this Republic do likewise.
I shall use all of the executive power that I have to carry out the policy laid down. If it becomes necessary to ask for any additional legislation in order to attain our objective of preventing a spiral in the cost of living, I shall do so.

--Franklin Delano Roosevelt
Fireside Chat 21 (April 28, 1942)

It becomes clear that constant reminders for the public are a necessity, because the general public is dumb.

Envirodouchebags can go eat a turd.

What was that, chicken little? Can I trouble you for a glass of shut the hell up?

NOAA ATTRIBUTES RECENT INCREASE IN HURRICANE ACTIVITY
TO NATURALLY OCCURRING MULTI-DECADAL CLIMATE VARIABILITY

"NOAA attributes this increased activity to natural occurring cycles in tropical climate patterns near the equator. These cycles, called "the tropical multi-decadal signal," typically last several decades (20 to 30 years or even longer). As a result, the North Atlantic experiences alternating decades long (20 to 30 year periods or even longer) of above normal or below normal hurricane seasons. NOAA research shows that the tropical multi-decadal signal is causing the increased Atlantic hurricane activity since 1995, and is not related to greenhouse warming."

Boy, it sucks when you don't have evidence to support kneejerk suppositions, doesn't it.

Screw this. We'll go right ahead and say what KGO couldn't: Chicks are waxing off and lasering off their pubes.

Just watched a segment on KGO's 11 o'clock news.

Hairless Fad Could Have Consequences

Hopefully, they'll put up a video soon. It's pretty funny how the closest they come to talking about pubic hair and crotchal regions is through showing a Sex and the City clip.

The best part? When they show the Campanile. "WTF?" you'll find yourself thinking, but oh OK then they start interviewing berkeley guys and one berkeley chick. And if you didn't already realize it, berkeley chicks don't shave their legs. Nor their armpits. Yet somehow, the pubes make the cut?

My neighbor is coming home right now from watching Grey's Anatomy at a friend's (place). I wonder if my neighbor is shorn. Maybe a nice landing strip?

I'd try to sneak some right-margin pics in right about now. Yeah, right.

[update date="20051128" time="1028"]
OK a video has been up for a while. Go to the article's link above, and then click on the VIDEO link. Why does this seem like a no-brainer? That's because it is. Except your Tio Jaime didn't know it because he was trying to use Firefox this whole time.

And Firefox doesn't quite handle the pop-up. Or maybe that's just me. In any case, try several browsers. Funny video.
[/update]

so... no indian doctors or nurses, but hey indian patient with neverending boner!

Whoa. KGO-TV news is telling me that there was a earthquake an hour and a half ago. Didn't feel a single thing. I was putting laundry away.

Moving on. The best part of the episode was when they played the Greenskeepers' song "Lotion". Look it up. Find the video. Too bad they ruined the song by actually referring to Buffalo Bill and the lotion...

OH AND WHAT IS THIS SHIT? CINDY SHEEHAN CRYING? AND NOW SHE'S LAUGHING AND SMILING! WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT!

I'm gonna stop watching the news, as it just makes me mad.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Grey's Anatomy! And it doesn't suck!

You are now in chat room "GASucksPoop." TioJ has entered the chat room. TioJ (9:52:27 PM): hello dere TioJ (9:52:30 PM): oh wonderful TioJ (9:52:46 PM): i'm reading the plot for tonight's Grey's Anatomy TioJ (9:52:51 PM): i'm predicting a major suck-fest TioJ (9:53:38 PM): good thing i have D&M to tool around with TioJ (9:53:45 PM): a few minutes and we'll be underway TioJ (10:01:09 PM): here we go TioJ (10:01:10 PM): TioJ (10:01:49 PM): OK meredith having another whore moment TioJ (10:01:54 PM): ooh boyshorts TioJ (10:02:05 PM): ooh HFA TioJ (10:02:24 PM): ooh stupid dr. izzie and frat cockt0r TioJ (10:03:07 PM): ooh space needle! TioJ (10:04:00 PM): ooh sandra oh in a bra TioJ (10:04:08 PM): funny how i'm OK w/that TioJ (10:04:32 PM): oh, was dr. ellen's dude some indian guy? TioJ (10:05:13 PM): whatta fag TioJ (10:05:36 PM): george is folding his laundry while his female roommates talk to him about flaccid BF problems? TioJ (10:05:52 PM): she has big teeth TioJ (10:06:32 PM): Booger! TioJ (10:08:39 PM): "they always look so sad when i kick them out" TioJ (10:09:34 PM): and his boner won't go away TioJ (10:09:37 PM): and he was indian! TioJ (10:09:47 PM): "nobody knows where they might end up" TioJ (10:15:25 PM): priapism! TioJ (10:16:26 PM): so... no indian doctors or nurses, but hey indian patient with neverending boner! TioJ (10:17:35 PM): "are we feeling existential this morning?" TioJ (10:19:28 PM): whoa Greenskeepers! TioJ (10:19:35 PM): "Lotion" TioJ (10:19:41 PM): which is a grace song TioJ (10:20:04 PM): it puts the lotion on its skin! TioJ (10:20:06 PM): or else it gets the hose again! TioJ (10:20:13 PM): it puts the lotion on its skin! TioJ (10:20:17 PM): or else it gets the hose again TioJ (10:20:22 PM): yes precious, it gets the hose TioJ (10:20:55 PM): wow this episode doesn't suck! TioJ (10:21:23 PM): dr. izzie-whore! TioJ (10:22:17 PM): "lotion in the basket" said george TioJ (10:22:45 PM): shitty way to tie into the Greenskeepers song TioJ (10:26:06 PM): ooh dr. izzie whore TioJ (10:28:16 PM): hmm TioJ (10:28:39 PM): as much as i would like to impale ellen pompeo on my erect penis, i would not like her and HFA to stick needles into my erect penis TioJ (10:29:29 PM): hey, penis blood! TioJ (10:29:38 PM): "congratulations. you're flaccid" TioJ (10:29:47 PM): "never thought i'd be so happy to hear that." TioJ (10:37:06 PM): heh that's shitty TioJ (10:37:19 PM): she should have asked to be excused or something TioJ (10:37:20 PM): WTF TioJ (10:38:03 PM): whoa, was that an indian doctor extra? TioJ (10:40:53 PM): umm, yeah, did nobody see that dr. ellen and dr. patrick dempsey coming? TioJ (10:46:28 PM): nothing she couldn't reveal? TioJ (10:46:45 PM): what if she whips out a flaccid cock? would you wanna know that, blackt0r 2? TioJ (10:47:36 PM): Seattle! TioJ (10:49:24 PM): frat cockt0r fucked up TioJ (10:49:30 PM): and here's syphillis girl! TioJ (10:49:53 PM): i remember her being a lot hotter last year TioJ (10:51:54 PM): and she doesn't have the magenta scrubs anymore TioJ (10:56:49 PM): LOL frat cockt0r and sypillis girl caught by dr. izzie! TioJ (10:59:14 PM): hey this episode didn't suck! TioJ (10:59:34 PM): five young doct0rs responsible for five young lives! TioJ (10:59:42 PM): nothing short of a miracle! TioJ (11:00:00 PM): rosanna arquette guest stars! TioJ has left the chat room.

Credibility Check

CNN can go to hell.

Thanks for not mentioning this kind of important fact, CNN assclowns. Let's gloss all this shit over, please. Cindy Sheehan is so yesterday.

Atheists behave.

The George Washington Thanksgiving Declaration

WHEREAS, It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor;

WHEREAS, Both the houses of Congress have, by their joint committee, requested me "to recommend to the people of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer, to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness:"

Now, therefore, I do recommend and assign Thursday, the 26th day of November next, to be devoted by the people of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being who is the beneficent author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be; that we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection of the people of this country previous to their becoming a nation; for the signal and manifold mercies and the favorable interpositions of His providence in the course and conclusion of the late war; for the great degree of tranquility, union, and plenty which we have since enjoyed; for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enable to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national one now lately instituted' for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and, in general, for all the great and various favors which He has been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions; to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually; to render our National Government a blessing to all the people by constantly being a Government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed; to protect and guide all sovereigns and nations (especially such as have show kindness to us), and to bless them with good governments, peace, and concord; to promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and us; and, generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

--George Washington - October 3, 1789

Happy Turkey Day.

And just in time for Thanksgiving Dinner, a big, steaming bowl of Degener-ocrat shit!

YUMMY!

Hope I didn't ruin your appetite. I was gonna post a picture of the scatological variety, but then realized that a healthy handful of the SHoP's hits came from my own browser. And I don't wanna look at that crap. Literally.

So instead of actual feces, the SHoP brings to you the next best thing! Degener-ocrats!

Senator says Bush needs to depoliticize Iraq debate

Holy Jesus. Again with these degenerate ignoramuses pointing out the Republican specks in our eyes while not seeing the democrud logs in theirs? What's wrong with you people? I pray to God this is some joke being orchestrated by the RNC and the VRWC. And for the last time, I want in!

The reason for this post is two-fold:

1) A big, giant, Golden Bear howdy to all those alums who have found this blog through calcafe, which is bound to be a huge waste of time, but more and more of my fellow alums have been signing up and then trying to get me to sign up. WTF. And as punishment? I will now send you all the conservative goodness which you've missed since you and I went to school together.

2) Your SHoP Overlords (and one Overlady) love pointing out when degener-ocrats have these helpful suggestions for Republicans. Does nobody outside the right-wing blogosphere see that their own advice is so much more effectively applied to their own political tactics? Sounds odd to ask it, but which party is more likely to subscribe to the the By Any Means Necessary mindset to achieve their political goals? It sure as fuck ain't mine.

all my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Hah, dumbasses...

French president, backed by poll, pushes for more diverse TV shows after riots

When did the French all turn into retards? No, it's not rhetorical, I really want to know.

CIA Factbook

Stumbled upon an interesting website today while taking a look at the interesting male/female birthrates of China. Then saw something worrisome...

Open two windows/tabs of your browser and take a look, side by side, at:

The US
and
China

Take a look at the "Economy" section for both.

Ugh.

Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?, Part III

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?
Don't you dumb-holes have anything better to be doing?, Part II

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

The best part about roman numerals in your title? Sometimes you don't even have to hit the Backspace key...

Vatican says active gays not welcome in priesthood

In order from has most right to has least right, here is the pecking order for people to voice an opinion about this.

Pope Benedict XVI
Cardinals
Bishops
[update time="1509"]Non-Gay Seminarians
Gay Seminarians
Non-Gay Catholic Priests
Gay Catholic Priests[/update]
Non-Gay Other Religious Vocation
Gay Other Religious Vocation
Catholic SHoP Overlords (and one Catholic SHoP Overlady)
Non-Gay Devout Catholics
Gay Devout Catholics (Yes, it's possible)
Non-Gay Non-practicing Catholics
Gay Non-practicing Catholics
Non-Catholic SHoP Overlord
Non-Gay Non-Catholics
Gay Non-Catholics

Nevermind if their opinions and feelings are correct. This is the order in which the world's opinions should be considered. If Catholicism was a stupid democracy (and it isn't, check the posts in the recap atop this post), then votes should be weighted to reflect this graduation. [update time="1509"]Switched the seminarians and ordained priests around as already ordained priests don't need to worry about this.[/update]

And really, Non-Catholic votes would be weighted with a big, fat, fucking ZERO. Maybe even a negative one. But don't fucking tempt us.

So before you go spouting off to your Catholic friends, or in the Op-Ed section in the paper, or on your blog of rage with some more mind-vomit, make sure you know your place. If you need help determining just how far down the Priority Ladder you are, let us know! We'll be happy to help!

I don't complain about how the Degenerocratic Party is run. Because it ain't any of my business. Try to wrap your Little Brains around that one and take a hint.

Jihad Jimmy, Chief Defender of the Faith

Wait a second...

Idiots in San Francisco ban all guns, yet they do this. Leave it to the LIbEral media to gloss over the obvious fact that a "gun ban", as SF recently passed, should obviate the need for bullet-proof vests...or are they really convinced that a gun ban in a single city would really work? Retards, all of them. Stupid is as LIbEral does.

funny link dumpage!

Before I forget: ha ha stanfurd!

Christmas Lights
Before this starts making all the linkdumps, maybe some of you will be able to say "I saw it on the SHoP first!"

Eye Direction and Lying

20 Things Every Assclown Must Do Before He Dies

and from the last link, this list of annoying baseball fans... Bane of the Ballpark

Life Comes at You Fast No, LMHBrent. Get your mind out of the Stanfurd.

Animated GIFs I like the one at the right. Like you needed to be told that. I think this'll see many SHoPpings...

Wow. Lotsa cool GIFs. Here's two more.


OK time for work now. The natives are restless.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Cry me a River you football-fumbling, interception-throwing PIG-EFFER

We're gonna lose Big Game. I can feel it.

excerpt from Cal starting Levy over Ayoob against Stanford Courtesy of MwHCock. U$C spelling correction mine.
Ayoob acknowledged his confidence is shot, and he hasn't dealt well with booing from Cal's fans at Memorial Stadium. His mechanics have suffered as well: After an incompletion against U$C, an exasperated Tedford pointed out a fundamental flaw in Ayoob's footwork on the sideline.

On a related note, those of you who picked the Under for the Big Game Spread all won (see also here). The spread as it was released this last sunday was Stanfurd +4.

Go Bears! Beat the Cardinul!

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

So much tard control to do, but so little time...

Saw this article on my yahoo! News headlines... Democratic hawk urges Iraq pullout and the best two quotes are placed right next to each other for conservative blogging convenience. A sign I should post about it, perhaps?

excerpt from Democratic hawk urges Iraq pullout

Murtha, a defense hawk, decorated Vietnam War veteran and retired Marine colonel, responded with a reference to the draft deferments that kept Cheney out of Vietnam. "I like guys who got five deferments and (have) never been there and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done," Murtha said. Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid of Nevada accused the White House of "a weak, spineless display of politics at a time of war" with its campaign against its Iraq-policy critics.

Hmmph. First off, Colonel Murtha, that's what politicians do on either side of the aisle. Left, Right, Republican, or Degenerocrat. I'm guessing you've never dealt with a highway construction project-- does that mean you should never vote for transportation legislation? (A good, general argument, btw. There's a little bit of Mark N in all of us.)

Second, Senator Reid, our "weak, spineless display of politics at a time of war" really is only in response to the Degener-ocrats strong, resolved, and tactless display of politics at a time of war. Did you even think about what you were saying before you said it? Do any of you degener-ocrats think anymore before opening your mouths?

doo dee doo... [cough]fucksegues![/cough]

It's Big Game, Citizen SHoPper Golden Bears!!! The latest dust-up from the flagship campus on our rugged eastern foothills is a doozy! I've been tracking it from the Cal Patriot, who is run by yet another filipino conservative blogger. Heh.

Some student is pissed that an advisor called her a racial epithet off-campus at the apartment complex in which they both live. Now the degenerate affirmative action groups on campus are citing this as a hostile environment to underrepresented minorities.

I'd like to point out that I and LMHBrent and the Cal Patriot all are "underrepresented minorities" as Filipinos. What a crock of Leftist shit. And stop printing ballots in Tagalog already. We can all read english better than a lot of native-born Americans.

Anycrap, rarely will I call a Jihad on something/somebody...

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

A practical application of guerilla Republicanism
Posse Up, Citizen SHoPpers

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

...but this time they're just asking for it. Go check out the Cal Patriot, or, because you're Lazy-Assed Citizen Temporary Associate Troll Engineer, just wait for me to post the relevant links for your convenience.

No, screw that! I'm not doing it this time! One of these days, Hillary's Thought Police are gonna come banging down my door, pull me off of a naked Keira Knightley, throw a coat on me and haul me away. And then how will you find these links?

I'm not posting the links. No way. Stop looking at me like that.

Aww shucks.

You know I can't say No to you guys...

On Racial Insults
Don't Give In
HateGate: Day 8 (Nice title, btw. Notice the "yay!"... is it a filipino thing, I wonder?)

BAMN-blog: http://uchostileclimate.blogspot.com/

What a shitty blog. And it spells out SHCUCS. How retarded. A little more thought could've yielded "Stop the Hostility-ness at the University of California Kovert Society" or something like that. Citizen SHoPpers, comment your suggestions below.

Anyway, that's not the Jihad I had in mind. Go troll this stupid BAMN blog. You wanna give these little shits a taste of the real world? You wanna introduce them to the unshielded politics of the non-Berkeley arena? Here's your chance.

Tell 'em Jihad Jimmy sent you.

I got us started... here's my comment before it likely gets removed..

my comment on this loser post
You Leftist Thought Policing Ignoramus. You definitely don't know a single thing about Free Speech. It starts with Free Thought. If somebody is unfortunate enough to get branded with your tag of "racist", that really is his/her own choice until the thought manifests itself in discriminatory action. Thank you for taking yet another step towards destroying my alma mater.

Fun stuff, huh?

Go Bears, Beat Fuck the Cardinul

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Taking a Dump for you

Taking several, actually... ain't linkdumps great?

Tio Jaime's Gorillamask.net picks!
Car with attached trailer jumps a ramp (good shit)
50 things girls want guys to know (read in conjunction with SHoP post from yesterday)
Dancer Falls Video
Granny Gamer (that's cool! mine just likes to gamble. check out the Old Grandma Hardcore blog mentioned by her grandson here)

Tio Jaime's Attu Sees All picks!
Past Life Analysis
Work Well With Others (OK SixH, this doesn't say a lot for MIT engineering if they're not stressing the importance of a stabilizing tail. Also, I just wanna see the video of somebody's fly-airplane that strikes the tip and sets somebody's curtains on fire. Heh.)
You wanna piss off shitantics?

Tio Jaime's entensity.net picks!
Ass Rocket (semi-NSFW)
Yay for puppies! (You like puppies? Who doesn't?)
wacky college kids

Tio Jaime's EHOWA picks!
Not Mrs. Right
Something for you Female Citizen SHoPpers. All 2 of you.
street sign
Yeah. Western Civilization isn't any more advanced than the middle east. Right.

Throw these back, Mr. Sandman...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Flighty San Francisco Women, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love M---- whoa whoa whoa, hold on there...
Three Simple Words: I AM GAY
UPDATE: Retarded Craigslist Golddigger!
No problemo.
Hi! We're San Franciscans! We're tolerant of homosexuality, bestiality, necrophelia, white-bashing, man-bashing, and Catholic-bashing!
Yay for lonely and socially retarded San Franciscans!
All I Wanna Do
Hi! I have no discernable male genitalia!
uber-post
And you all wonder why Tio Jaime complains about Bay Aryan single women?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I'm sure you've picked up on it, but Tio Jaime isn't really in a yay-for-the-fairer-sex mood right now. Not sure exactly why, I had a good weekend woman-wise...

Are you an architect with a foreign accent? - 30
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
Wow! You're shallow and illogical! Why am i not surprised you want to try to make yourself smarter w/o the actual effort and pain of learning, but instead trying to learn by some stupid far-fetched osmosis? And lemme guess, you want a sexy sounding accent, right? You won't want some engrish accented oriental architect. How about a Canadian architect? How aboot that, eh?

Shallow whore.

Help! I keep meeting Republicans! - 24
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
You must be the unluckiest little whore in all of the bay area, because HFS you're surrounded by Leftist limp-wrists. But you want somebody who looks like a republican but votes like a dirty hippie? You poor dumbfuck of a woman.

I especially like how you want somebody who's too much of a pussy to actually carry through with the "moving-to-canada" threat. Nice job. When you want to completely satisfy your mentally retarded libido, I hope you've saved some of those republican phone numbers.

New Model, Just Released - 32 (oakland lake merritt / grand)
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
I know she's trying her hardest to be Charming (which goes very far in Tio Jaime Nation), but this just comes off as vehicular manslaughterly irritating. I just want to test drive her. C'est tout.

come inside my warm, black box - 25 (marina / cow hollow)
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
I liked this post title. Didn't read the rest of the ad too carefully...

posting title: [go easy on capitals] - 24 (emeryville)
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
do you know how annoying your ad was?

do you honestly think that anybody read through the whole thing?

could you have at least posted a naughty pic of yourself and maybe your cleavage?

do you realize just how ashamed i am that you have a mac?

Innocent Looking... With a Secret - 31
(rhothetaphi.org mirror here)
Oh, one of you again? What the fuck could you possibly know about quantum physics? Can you even do simple 2-dimensional kinematics?

[update time=2022]
Secretary from work found this CL post for me a few days ago, in an attempt to find a suitable Tio-Jaime-woman... my comments were in red, but our scanner only did greyscale


click thumbnails to enlarge in new window
[/update]

This gets its own post.

Too important to let you wonderful Citizen SHoPpers marginalize because it was gonna be appended to the end of this post.

Go Bears, Beat the Cardinul!

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

[update time="1052" source="hotsaucelive.com"]
One more. Found this at hotsaucelive

Ode to the Nice Guys

bgcolor="burlywood" because this is the biggest crock of shit outside of shitantics. What can Brown do for you?

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Read the whole thing, goddamit. My counter-rant will mean so much more that way. while i agree that this is a good idea and a valiant attempt at shedding light on one of the growing problems with single women, really it boils down to this:

BFD. So we get a toast, we get a tribute? Who the fuck wants that?

What nobody knows is that this allegedly enlightened "chick", after writing this went out and took it doggy-style from the alcoholic who didn't call her back two weeks ago. And what were us nice guys doing? Playing GTA in the comfort of our celibate-cells? Wonderful. And really, did a "chick" even write this? To be able to fully encompass the grief which is being a "nice guy" is too much for the common woman to understand. They're too busy taking it doggy-style from alcoholics. Some dude wrote this between GTA missions.

Gimme a fucking break. You wrote us an Ode? You know how much shit nice guys go through because they're tricked into believing that you want to be friends? Way too goddam much! You know how much Halo I could've played instead of helping my hot, butterface neighbor with her goddam homework? Sure, I got to check out her low-rise jeans, but again: BFD.

My advice to us single men out there-- stop thinking about it. Stop trying to figure out exactly why she's fucking the guy who stole her car and confiding in you about it like you're her goddam sister. Women want to be treated like shit. Nevermind what they say, pay attention to what and more importantly who they do.

Don't try to be nice to the stupid woman, that's futile. Instead try to realize the truth.

Women like to be treated like shit.

Then you'll see it is not the other assholey alcoholic that is giving it to her doggy-style, but yourself.
[/update]