The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy

One short blurb does not a good post make. However, numerous short blurbs saved for one time saving post is smart. (And Final.)

SHORT BLURB #1
On KSFO yesterday, I heard a very poignant statistic. Surveys taken at the Democrud and Republican National Conventions revealed the following:

14% of Democruds were formerly Republican
28% of Republicans were formerly Democrud

Oh. So what you're saying is that we can conclude that the Democruddy Party and its craptacular platform are alienating people at a rate of 2 to 1 compared to the GOP? Well, yes. That kinda sucks if you're claiming to be the Champion of the Common Man and all that jazz.

It very well may be that the Republicans are more in tune with America and better represent the current political climate. In which case, the Republicans are the Champion of the Common Man. But the nice thing is that we don't go around tooting our own horns and patting ourselves on the back over it. I suppose we're too busy actually doing things to help the middle class to try to fish for compliments for shittily implementing half-baked and half-assed solutions.

Democruds: The everyday American didn't really give a flying fuck about gay marriages until you pushed the question. Thank you very much (genuine jimmy-gratitude!) Mayor Gavin Newsom for sensationalizing an issue that polarized the country and likely alienated some of your more traditional party base with your highly publicized, flaming gay circus antics.

(TJ: This is rapidly turning into a long-winded, intelli-Jimmy post.)

Also, Democruds: Your solution to George W. Bush-- John Kerry? Talk about half-baked and half-assed. Kept talking about a plan. Kept talking about how Bush was going about everything the wrong way. Flat out lies about Bush having a lumber company. That was gold, btw. Nothing beats refuting a member of the educated elite's gaffe like a simpleton's drawling "Whoa. I have a lumber company? Need some wood?" There's hope for us yet since a majority of voters rejected your joke of a candidate. Maybe just maybe people will keep their heads out of their asses long enough to defeat Hillary Clinton in 2008.

Finally, Democruds: You're gonna win over an assload of people by telling them they're stupid. You should definitely ramp up this message closer to the mid-term elections and during the nomination phase for Hillary. Oh, and people are gonna absolutely fall in love with Hillary Clinton's special brand of patronizing condescension. Middle America enjoys being reminded of their innate idiocy by hypocritical, two-faced liars.

BLURB-FORMERLY-KNOWN-AS-SHORT #2
Have started to remember the principles of Kwan-Jimmy. So far, here's what I remember from a year ago...

1) Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
2) It's pronounced "ask".

And I'd like to propose these new principles...

3) Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
4) Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
5) Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
6) You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.
7) Having your own dorms, fraternities and sororities, graduations, and even colleges is just another form of Separate But Equal

Kwan-Jimmy, founded in 2005 by Dr. Jihad Jimmy, EIT (born James [UPDATE date="20040627"]D******[/UPDATE]), should be celebrated in the seven days leading up to the birthday of the Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., who would have agreed with these seven Principles and Bill Cosby. Kwan-Jimmy is to be a common sense alternative to the pitiful "holiday" of Kwanzaa.

TJ

ps- Alternate Ending here!