Capitalism's Social Agenda

The beautiful thing about capitalism is that it has no overt social agenda. It is singularly focused and narrow-mindedly devoted to making as large a profit for the least possible expenditure. Who could possibly argue with that?

I myself participated in several forays into the world of capitalism and consumerism this weekend, much to my Republican delight. I bought a filthy-assed pumpkin from Safeway for $6. Damn, that M-F'er was bigger than a basketball. I also went to Wal-Mart and bought three pairs of jeans, a belt and a "Proud to be Republican" ballcap for $62. Ain't Capitalism grand?

OK I had to put the jeans on layaway because I had left my credit card at the Mall. I had enough cash on me to hold the jeans (took like half an hour to find the ones i wanted).

The point is, can Wal-Mart offer such wacky prices if their social agenda was more progressive in nature? Look at Starbucks and Ben and Jerry's. You can have baristas who have great benefits despite having jobs as baristas, and you can have ice cream that is more in tune with things like the environment and psychedelia, but this will cost you, as a common American consumer.

So what this really boils down to is you.

"Only *who* can prevent forest fires? You said 'YOU' referring to me. The correct answer is You."

And again, as is a recurring theme in America, the choices available to the American consumer are the envy of the rest of the world. I *can* buy things for myself that are cheap and socially unenlightened. Likewise, I *can* buy the more expensive things that tout such holier-than-thou proclamations like "recycled" or "dolphin-safe" or "No CFCs."

And interestingly enough, I'm gonna lump "Made in the USA" in with the holier-than-thou labels. You'll hear people clamoring for you to buy american cars made in american factories which use foreign machinery and tools on their assembly lines. Makes no sense to me, and it shouldn't to you either if you're as Republican as I'm guessing you claim to be.

I drive a Toyota that was assembled in Fremont, CA. I drive by the NUMMI Auto Plant everyday on my way to work. When I pass by the Toyota factory in my Toyota herself, I honk out LORELAI in morse code. Her name is Lorelai, if you didn't make the connection...

Back to the point: if you like buying things that are more socially conscious, go ahead, it's your money. But don't think your shit doesn't stink because you have more social awareness than I do. I'd rather have my five bucks than your social awareness and associated internal guilt and turmoil because you live in America while there are so many out there who don't.

A couple of things to close this post and open your week:
1) Fuck you, LA Dodgers. Fuck you, U$C... you almost lost to Cal you arrogant bastards with useless degrees and all of 2 nobel laureates.
2) Reducing paper usage does not save trees. Those trees are grown specifically for that purpose. It's like saying that reducing corn consumption saves corn.