I'm moving to Derka-derkaland

From entensity.net...

Belly Dancer

Maybe we've been wrong about these terrorist types all this time. They seem to like strippers too.

One more thing from the linkdump-osphere... found this last week on i-am-bored:

The McVideoGame

That's all for right now, hope all is well.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

It is hot here

Crap it's hella hot here in Palmdale (Palmhell). I had to turn on the AC for the first time today because last night I just could not sleep very well even with both windows open to let the air through. So now I feel bad because I've been holding out for so long and my housemates have to suffer. I should have just made utilities an additional part of the rent and things would have been fine and less awkward. I can't wait to see next month's electric bill!

Today Was a Good Day

Normally, I'd have a nice juicy post for you, especially with such a Jimmy-tastic weekend. But I'm watching my Season 4 DVD of The Shield, so you'll make do with a post that's receiving less than my full attention.

Went to Cache Creek today. Not with Maggie the Cat, though. My grandma called me up, said that she had a coupon for complimentary $20 slot play. Who am I to refuse? Although I was somewhat concerned that I shot my wad of luck on Friday when I turned $38 into $199 on bodog. That's good, yes, but I was afraid that I had used up all my gambling karma.

Staked $140-- because my preferred stake of $138 is just a pain in the ass sometimes-- dipped down to $70, $80 at one point but then made a miraculous recovery to pull even and then up to around $180 or so. Pulled out at $168 because it was time to go home.

Tio Jaime, you might be asking if you too share the gambling bug, How can I make a miraculous recovery too? Well, Citizen SHoPpers, I've posted this progression before. If i'm not lazy, I'll find it for you.

<update time=0053>
You're in luck: Feelin' Crappy!

You wanna know how not to gamble like a little girl? Check out the tips in that post right there...
</update>

1-2-3-6-4-8-4-8-...

This gets kinda messy when you get to the six and the eight and you have some wiggle room when you have to place 6 or 8 units on a single line bet. If you're playing with double odds, you can have a 2-unit line bet, and a 4-unit free odds.

Lay 9 to win 5 that we lost our little girl SixHertz's comprehension with "free odds". Press it up one unit that the concept of "laying odds" went over his head too. Hope you had your "SixHertz Don't Understand Pressing One Unit" bet working. That's just easy money.

So back to the progression. Double free-odds. If you're lucky enough to get to the 6 and win, what do you do with the 4? 2 and 2? Wrong. You can take 2 behind the line with 1 on the line. Your Tio Jaime usually changes the progression to ...-3-6-3-6-... Which reminds me, you gotta start off 2-2 and not 1-2. So really, it's

2-2-3-6-3-6-...

Easier said than done.

Lunch at the buffet with grandma, and that's one nice buffet! Maybe even better than some of the nicer Vegas buffets. I liked the Aladdin and the Luxor, but I think this one beat both of them. Ice Cream Sundae bar, good prime rib, potstickers didn't suck. Quite the bargain. Anyway, was thinking about the Jimmy-progression during lunch, since I saw on the way over that the tables were actually $5 and not $10 like I thought I saw earlier.

Cache Creek is 3-4-5 free odds. Whole Other set of problems. But it lets us get back to 2-2-3-6-4-8-4-8-...

2 - 1 and 1
2 - 1 and 1
3 - 1 and 2
6 - umm, we'll get to that in a second
4 - 1 and 3. Duh. This is where I lost.
8 - Didn't get here. 2 and 6? maybe something related to the 6-unit bet?

For the 6-unit: 1 on the line and max free odds. You may have 2 or 1 units free. You can place the extra unit(s) on the 6 and/or the 8. Press one unit until you Ess-out. "Seven-out" if you're SixHertz.

For the 8-unit: Now that I think about it, 1 and 3 and placing 4 units is a huge pain in the ass. Do that if you feel like it, but you might be better off with 2 and 6. No fuss, no muss.

Went shooting after dropping grandma off. Tried the 20-gauge, but some ejector-dealie wasn't ejecting the spent shells like it was supposed to. Manager of the store put some teflon-dealie on it, but I wasn't paying attention. I'll clean the guns tomorrow, as it's well past my bedtime.

The Shield is rad, recommend you check it out if you haven't already. If you're fortunate enough to be in my good graces, ask to borrow my copy. Or invite yourself over. Just lemme clean up a bit first...

Tio Jaime

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

How many more posts, goddamit? Take a fucking interest in your own blog for Fuck's Sake.

Put your money where your mouths are, you Holier-than-Thou Fucktards

If you're a frequent SHoPper, you'll know that another thing I hold dear is my loyalty to Apple Computer, in Cupertino down the road from my native San Jose.

Which may surprise you, as I'm Republican... or which may not surprise you, given my other SF Bay Area tendencies. More on that later, perhaps. But Suffice it to Say that as a Republican, I break a lot of twenty-something northern california molds and vice versa.

Briefly, my Mac history: Senior year in high school, my family got a Performa 6200CD, 75MHz 603 PPC. Freshman year at Cal, a Power Mac 5400 all-in-one 120MHz 603e (the e stood for extra bad-assed). When my little sister went to France for a semester overseas, I inherited her Bondi Blue iMac 233 G3 PPC. She came back, got her iMac back, and eventually I graduated, moved to Seattle and got a G4 Titanium PB 667 MHz. The 5400 was named Durandal, and the Titanium PB is named Emily. External hard drive partitioned into volumes named Erin and Sheila. If you can tell me where these names came from, I'll buy you a SHoP sticker.

Anycrap, I saw the iPod craze hit my Mac friends hard, and then it slowly leaked to the PC Windoze lemmings around me. Everybody had one-- except this Mac stalwart. I finally ordered an iPod Shuffle mere hours after they were announced at Macworld 2004.

Meanwhile, the iPod is the new Sony Walkman of Generation Y. And that's fine. Everybody has 'em. They're hip.

And if you'll allow me the stretch: a person who is likely to say that she "can't live without her iPod" is even more likely to say that Walmart is evil. La la la, you've heard it all before, and don't need your favorite SHoP Overlord to rehash it for you.

Anyway, the Little Brains out there who abhor the capitalism and materialism that corporate america breeds are the same ones who are more than happy to listen to shitty indie music on their iPods just so they can remind themselves that they're better than you. Because they listen to shitty music. And that's fine, no love lost for Tio Jaime.

But you can bet that I'm watching this story closely, if only for another chance to laugh in the face of my contemporaries...

excerpt from Apple begins investigation of iPod factory

A recent report put the monthly salary of factory workers at £27 (US$50). Workers at a different company that produces the iPod shuffle were paid £54 per month. These workers also paid for their own room and board, which amounted to around half of their salary. While the report said that the manufacturing relationship between Apple and Hon Hai is typical in the electronics industry, Apple said it is committed to the welfare of workers that manufacture its products.

Well that's good to know. If these allegations turn out to be true, I wonder just how many Leftists out there will give up their iPods in protest of Apple's negligence. Ideally, they should just take them to the nearest Apple Store and have a big mass burning in protest.

And no, I won't give up my iPod because quite frankly, my conscience isn't bothered enough about this to affect my wallet. Too bad.

And no, this doesn't parallel the chickenhawk argument. Sorry to take 1) the wind out of your sails, and 2) a giant shit on your ignorance parade. Clean yourself off and read on. Try to ignore the incessant Leftist whining which no doubt is a constant feed of Blue State Nonsense warping your perception of the world around you.

As a consumer, it is your duty to make your purchases having taken into account functionality, dependability, and numerous other factors. If you have the luxury (and note that you Leftists are in fact afforded a benefit which many other Americans are not), then "Social Justice" will be one of your factors. And that's fine. Again, I don't judge you. You should definitely vote and spend your money with your conscience. Until the government takes them away from you, you should definitely use what you've earned.

On the other hand, there is no disconnect between supporting a war and not driving myself down to a recruiting depot right this very minute. As a citizen, it is not your duty to pick up a weapon and fight in a war. If you become a soldier, then yes it becomes your duty. If you can't understand this, hit ALT-F4 to be transported to a special, dumbed-down version of the SHoP which you'll find more to your liking.

It's really very simple. God help you if you can't tell the difference between buying an iPod and defending your country, if so called upon by the government. I can't wait for you Little Brains to bring your weak-sauce sniping. I almost feel sorry for you, setting you up like this...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

PS- Lazy-Assed Blog/Internet Admin SixH, fucking do your job already! I've ruined a month's worth of posts because you can't be bothered to maintain your own goddam blog.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

For you boob guys out there...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Hot Chick, SHoP Overlords with Hot Chicks, and then Two SHoP Overlords
which loosely translated means, "i like your boobs / let me lick your boobs"
A or B: Paisley or Burberry?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Never before do I recall ever wishing that we'd lost the Revolutionary War...

The Best Breasts From England

Is it unpatriotic to wonder if it'd be too late to reapply for colony status in the United Kingdom? I can make a case for it. 12 24 of 'em, in fact.

Again, never let it be said that your favorite SHoP Overlord never did anything for you.

God Save the Queen and her chesty subjects,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Fuck you, San Francisco. I didn't want to see the no-hitter tonight anyway.

If you're a frequent SHoPper, you'll know that two of the things which I hold dear are 1) The San Francisco Giants, and 2) my livid disdain for the Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups who populate San Francisco.

It's nice though, that I'm willing to forego #2 for #1-- at least for the roughly 30,000 people who happen to be in AT&T SBC Pacific Bell Park with me, cheering on the G-men. But HFS, now you're making me rethink my amnesty.

Giants hosting the Los Angeles Angels of Anahym tonight at Pac Bell. Old roommate Rafterman and I bought $10 VR tickets, wore our Robb Nen jerseys (Giants fans, don't feel obliged to read that article. You'll find yourself choking back tears.)

Matt Cain on the mound for the Giants, Kelvim Escobar on the mound for the Halos. Matt Cain walks Chone Figgins to start the game. Figgins tries to steal second, the throw from Alfonzo bounces short and then off of Figgins into shallow left-center. Barry Bonds hobbles over, but by then Figgins is waved home. Doesn't draw a throw from Bonds. It ain't even close. 1-0 Angels.

Cain gets out of the inning. Giants score two in the bottom of the first. Bonds doubled home Randy Winn, Mark Sweeney scores on Steve Finley RBI groundout to second. 2-1 Giants.

And then Matt Cain pitches a gem of a game! He's at 100 pitches right around the 6th or 7th, but he's still hitting 94, 95 on the gun. Pac Bell erupts when he strikes out the side in the seventh.

In the eighth, he strikes out Tim Salmon looking, who was pinch hitting for Escobar. The crowd loves it, especially those of us for whom 2002 will be remembered with pain and defeat. Two outs, top of the eighth. Chone Figgins up again.

I know it, Rafterman knows it, but like good baseball people, we're not saying a single thing. Cain has a no-hitter going, despite the unearned run in the first. Full count to Figgins, and the crowd is up on their feet--

"NO!!!" we scream, "SIT THE FUCK DOWN, IT'S ONLY THE EIGHTH GODDAM INNING!!!"

Line drive to center field. First hit of the game for the Angels. Goodbye, no-hitter.

"YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS," we yell to anybody in front of us who will listen. Which was nobody. "WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST TELL YOU?!?"

Matt Cain is pulled at the end of the eighth to a standing ovation. Myself and Rafterman included, of course. Armando Benitez is brought in to finish up the Nenth Inning.

Two outs. Full count. A loud, Filipino Republican yells, "FULL COUNT, WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP? YOU WERE SO EAGER BEFORE, BUT NOW YOU'RE SITTING DOWN LIKE HUMPS?!?"

Crowd stands up again.

"DID YOU NOT LEARN? SIT THE FUCK DOWN, YOU RETARDS!"

And another single. The oriental father and daughter in front of us start laughing as Rafterman and I start bitching again.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T STAND UP DURING A FULL COUNT WITH TWO OUTS!"

Tying run on first, go-ahead run in the batter's box. Pops up to centerfield for the final out. Giants 2 runs on 4 hits, 1 error. Angels 1 run on 2 hits, no errors.

That last out? Nobody was standing up. Batter popped up on a 0-1 count, I think. Doesn't fucking matter. The Giants didn't have their first no-hitter since 1976. Cain pitched one fucking sweet-assed game-- he's gonna be the next Jason Schmidt, or something-- but I'm still pissed at all of you Little Brains who stood up and deprived me and the SHoP of a no-hitter.

AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE: STOP GOUGING US ON GIANTS TICKETS ON CRAIGSLIST. Do that Little Brain shit on eBay. You can't even run your own stupid notions of socialism correctly. You have to have an angry Republican like myself to set you cheesedicks straight. Fuckity-fuck, even I understand the concept of this communal marketplace. But I don't try to make people think my shit doesn't stink. Enlightened my cold-hearted, capitalistic, philistine ass.

All of you San Franciscans make me sick. Especially you non-Northern-California-native San Franciscans. And it's not even enough that you love the Giants anymore. Next time, don't get so excited about a potential no-hitter. Rafterman and I made it throughout the entire first eight innings without saying "no-hitter". Sure, we said, "He's got good stuff," and "He's still hitting 95 on the gun with 120 pitches!" but not once did we jinx our pitcher. You did. You cost us that no-hitter. All of You can Get Bent.

But nice job, Matt Cain. Put on a great show tonight.

8.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 BB, 10 K

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Hey, Maggie, check it out... Cain was born in Dothan, AL.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

A or B: Paisley or Burberry?

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
You're on the air with KJIMMY
A or B...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Got this from Engineer Mark, who along with OTW Mark, is so remiss in the next installment of Mark-Countermark that I've managed to forget what the upcoming topic was. I'll look it up in a bit.

New Items at Stockingirl, be the first to have them!

And this led me to send the following reply...

Tio Jaime's reply to Engineer Mark

Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 11:19:06 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tio Jaime <TioJaime@tiojaime.com> Subject: Re: Fwd: Exciting New Arrivals for Summer! To: "Engineer Mark" <EngineerMark@tiojaime.com> CC: "Trosama min Asi" <t-bird@tiojaime.com> ooh. jimmy like. 1) I like redheads 2) I like paisley So it kinda goes without saying that I like the redhead in paisley stockings. But even more than that? 3) I like the redhead in burberry Jimmy

I also included sometime-SHoPper Trosama min Asi in on the action. His affinity for redheads is more easily demonstrable than is mine.

And I was very tempted to send a link to this post to Pittsburg(h) Amy what with Ben Rothlis-what's-his-face crashing his motorcycle also allowing for a chance to commiserate with her about Steelers fans again, but a quick click on the Recap Link above points the good Citizen SHoPpers to an A or B with Pittsburg(h) Amy against a hotchick wearing only a Payton Manning jersey. And her caption probably wouldn't amuse her in Pittsburgh as much as it does us here in California-land. The point was-- and is probably completely moot now, what with you Citizen SHoPpers ogling the chick in the jersey-- Pittsburg(h) Amy accused me of liking the paisley blouse she wore that one night because it was low-cut when in reality I liked the paisley.

Not a boob guy, like I've mentioned before. Boobs're nice and all, but I'm more into legs. See hotchick below.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<hotchick head="red" legs="nice">

hotchick from Stockingirl

</hotchick>

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

TERROR ALERT LEVEL: BROWN

Yes, I stole that post title from Don and Mike. But like they say, and this applies to radio shows, podcasts, SHoP posts-- whatever, really: "If you steal from us, you're stealing twice."

Anyway, was at DUMPCON 2 about ten minutes ago. Went down to the restroom to try to rectify that. I did. It was nice.

The stall next to mine was occupied, and as I was finishing up my paperwork I could hear the clinking of the dispenser in that very same stall. Shit. This means that we're on track to exit our respective stalls at right around the same time. Not paralyzing embarassment, no, but still I value my privacy. And I don't like people anyway.

I exit first, make a bee-line towards the sink. Two splooges of the soap, hit the water, start scrubbing. The appropriate amount of time to be spent scrubbing, I'm told, is one round of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". I'm scrubbing, I'm singing. In my head.

So right around "Gently down the stream", my poop-neighbor rinses his hands (barely) in the sink. OK. We all do/did that at one time or another. I'm scrubbing... Merrily, Merrily, Merrily

But then this guy runs his wet hands through his chin-length, Bay Area hippie hair. Sick fuck. Dries, leaves.

And only as I'm touching the doorknob which he just touched with his crappy, lice-y hands does it occur to me that I have a SHoP post on my hands.

Life is but a dream,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

With the San Francisco Giants / It's Bye, Bye Baby!

Oh damn. And now your shitty young pitcher gave up a homer to our leadoff batter! And he was a former Mariner!

It really didn't end up mattering. Noah Lowry lasted all of three innings, and retired only 10 of the 17 Mariners he faced. The other two outs to get him through three were a double play and another example of shitty baserunning by Mariner retard Willie Bloomquist.

Seriously, dude! When the M's were in town this past week to play the A's, Bloomquist was severely beat trying to stretch a single to left into a double. The ball beat him to the second baseman by at least three steps. Moron.

And then tonight, again, caught trying to stretch the single after he saw the throw from left field go to the plate. Nope, Vizquel cut it off and got him at second base.

Shall we also bring up how Bloomquist was picked off of second? Oops. Too late. I already did.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Every time the chips are down / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

And then one or two batters later? Steve Finley homers off of Felix Hernandez. Ha ha. Your young pitcher sucks too!!!

Although seeing as to how long our young pitcher lasted...

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

When the Giants come to town / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

A 462-footer into deep right-center.

#718. Eat your hearts out, Washingtards.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Although really, I was more impressed by Ichiro's homer to lead off the home half of the first inning. Seriously, ooh, barry hit another homer? If he'd stolen a bag and Ichiro homered, now that'd be cool... we have a lot to look forward to this world series when Barry finishes his illustrious stint as a Giant at Safeco Field. Again: yeah right.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>