Confused by the post title? No worries, it's somewhat obscure. I would really only expect my Polish engineer carpool-buddy to recognize it, as he's the one who tipped me off about this movie...
Anycrap, went to Cache Creek today with Maggie the Cat. And somehow, I managed to lose more in three or four hours of Cache Creek than three or four days at the Paris in lovely Las Vegas, Nevada.
But Maggie couldn't get over what happened at the Pai Gow Poker table. I myself was somewhat astounded, watching it unfold before my eyes. I mean, heck, the whole beauty of picture IDs is that you can look at the picture and try to match it with a real, live person sitting at the table. Cool shit, huh?
She was the only non-oriental person at the table. Stuck out like a sore thumb.
Oh, and fellow oriental patrons of Cache Creek? TRY GODDAM BATHING NEXT TIME. Fuckity-fuck, whenever I bring my grandma to a casino, we're both clean and non-reektastic! Holy Eff, I straight-up left two out of my four tables today because I was smack-dab in somebody's ripe, gamey oriental-stench!
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Important to note, Citizen SHoPpers: Maggie the Cat's liberal use of "oriental" is naturally condoned and encouraged by this very same politically incorrect Oriental Degenerate Gambler-- although interestingly enough it wasn't my recent usage of the adjective which catalyzed her usage of it. She had already started dabbling with it, but I just helped her along down that path...
We both live in the SF Bay Area, where "Oriental" hasn't been used in quite some time. It pisses off the Chinks, Japs, Gooks, and Gooks. As for us Filipinos? BFD. We're the Uncle Toms of the Pacific Rim. I've mentioned this before, but in the "Asian" vs. "Pacific Islander" debate, the quick and easy solution is the geographically appropriate "Oriental". Ain't nothing wrong with the colonial mindset. Ain't nothing wrong with Eurocentrism either.
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But back to the vice at hand. Cache Creek can eat me. What kind of dicks don't grandfather you in when they change their table limits? Jagoffs. I'm going to play at bodog.com right now since I can play $2 craps. Oh, look! Another referral link for SixHertz to steal. I thank my lucky freaking stars that he gambles like a little girl.
And the gamble-age itself? Well, like I had told infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi: "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week." Tio Jaime: Low pair, A-K. Cache Creek: Middle pair, A-K. Copy goes to Cache Creek. Tio Jaime out another $25. Flawless play on my part but with shitty cards? Should've stayed in the area and gone shooting... But Maggie did a bit better though. She bought me lunch at In-n-Out. Looked really eff-ing good in that peach/pink dress. Nice shoes. Nice Prada purse.
All my Love,
Tio Jaime
<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>
Roughly, you'll push 41%, you'll win 29%, and you'll lose 30%. Don't argue. If you were just about to argue or whine to me that this didn't happen to you when you were playing recently in Vegas, then Get Bent. So if you play 100 hands, you'll push 41, win 29 and lose 30. When you push or lose, you don't pay a comission. But when you win, you'll pay that 5%. If you're betting the $10 minimum, that's 50 cents each of those 29 times, which is $14.50 comission to the house for 100 hands of Pai Gow.
"I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States" 
I'm sick of this, Citizen SHoPpers-- and I'm gonna play the race card because sometimes that's the only way you Little Brains are gonna learn sometimes. What the fuck is wrong with you white people, I thought you all knew how to drive? 
