Slow News Day, I suppose...

I shudder to think what trolls may have scraped off the bottom of the barrel in the name of a post on this a Happy Friday.

Oh Christ. I just checked, and it was business as usual. Why do I do that to myself? Take my word for it, Citizen SHoPpers, there's nothing over there. Click on a SHoP label if you're bored enough to consider checking out shitty antics elsewhere...

But even the SHoP is not immune to slow newsdays. I was shook awake for about 10 seconds this morning, but quickly concluded that it was nothing major, and went back to sleep.

Magnitude 4.2 quake rattles East Bay
4.2 temblor shakes stuff off shelves, but no major damage

I didn't think the Leftists here could ever get so bored with Bush that they'd get excited over a 4.2 earthquake.

Seriously, even Cindy Sheehan updates would've been a better read. At least those get me riled up.

Well anycrap, about the stupid "earthquake"... here's my review. It was one of the bigger ones over the past few years, but that doesn't say much. This was too big to go unnoticed, so it wasn't small. But it was too small to get me out of bed, so it wasn't very big. It was a mediocre earthquake all around. My parents about 60 miles south didn't even feel or hear about it.

I'm getting BBQ and going shooting. Ain't the Frontier great?

holy shit this is the best solution ever! why didn't the SHoP think of this?!?

Mariane Pearl sues al Qaeda over husband's killing

I think we'd all agree that Al Qaeda sucks (for lack of better word). But really, suing them?

1) Why not just serve them Cease-and-Desist letters? You better make sure the letters are in English, Arabic, Terrorist, Spanish, and American Sign Language. And start thinking of ways to accomodate illiterate terrorists.

2) Why don't I just sue the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres for emotional distress caused by kicking the shit out of my SF Giants? It'll have the same effect...

3) You know what's a better solution than suing Al Qaeda? Killing every last one of them. Man, that'd be Priceless!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

two links and a rant

Chatting with MwHCock. Two links he found, to start off your week.

OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!!
8:15 PM MwHCock: http://wcbstv.com/national/topstories_story_189163601.html JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!! MwHCock: http://www.dansmc.com/priceless.jpg JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's the best Priceless ad or spoof i've seen in 10+ years... the others are just retarded

I myself hate the Priceless ads and spoofs. Nothing screams UNORIGINAL louder and quicker than somebody nowadays trying to gank an idea from this shitty ad campaign which should've been retired before Bill Clinton took office.

Citizen SHoPpers, please join me in trying to eradicate this sub-par fad. With so many other better ones, and at least a million marginally-better ones, why must Americans limit themselves to such a shitty template?

The first two spoofs I saw were funny. The first one was some drunk chicks with an upskirt: "Your beaver posted all over the internet: PRICELESS." The second was a tasteless reference to the Columbine shootings. There. That's it. I don't see why everyody liked them so much-- you could see them coming a mile off. And oh look they jumped the shark and had animated characters. Wonderful.

Go visit those links.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chjief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Deep Impact

Looks like my stupid idea of 3am Criticizing Deep Impact was more trouble than it was worth. But I've already invested a bit of time into this, so I'm going forward with it.

Nothing really to see here, except for a line or two when I talk about how black presidents are a bad idea.

And that's the best I can do with what I was given. Hopefully the offchance of seeing politically incorrect racial jabs make you search the page for "black". And really, what's this about an offchance? It's a practical certainty here on the SHoP! You'd think this is my first day as your Favorite SHoP Overlord...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n

You are now in chat room "DeepImpactedColon." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:17 PM): hello dere JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:33 PM): I've just opened up Deep Impact and was about to watch JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:42 PM): when i realized that I could 3am Criticize it JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:46 PM): a couple of things: JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:04 PM): 1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:39 PM): 2) my second monitor crapped out on me, so I'll have to keep this minimized in the background JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:54 PM): (this being iChat and AIM) JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:43:07 PM): although I suppose I could use my xb0x0r... standby JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:45:12 PM): OK i've cannabalized my TI-81's batteries, and i'm gonna use the xbox so i can surf the internet(s) and leave iChat in the front JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:46:59 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:03 PM): no wait JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:18 PM): and now my phone's ringing

The Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo has impeccable timing. How many times has she called just right when I was about to start another episode of John London's Inferno?

this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers?

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:52:54 PM): OK that was the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:19 PM): OK, here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:58 PM): this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:38 PM): and dude, the quality on my TV is kinda shitty... probably becasue I have my xbox daisy-chained through my vcr... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:51 PM): oh fuck this.... standby

My TV sucks. I don't even have RCA connections in the back, I only have one coax cable in. Don't waste too much time thinking about it. Press on, you've got a long way to go.

Here, we're finally starting the movie. Famous Last Words...

wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:29 PM): OK back to the original plan... chat windows in the background so this'll be a sparse 3am-C JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:48 PM): wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:57:04 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:00:29 PM): is that leelee sobieski? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:02:32 PM): right, i'm sure it's that easy to tell if something's gonna hit the fucking planet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:03:27 PM): oh this guy's gonna die JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:04:51 PM): wow you wouldn't have thought that one little jeep would've been all blowed up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:10:03 PM): oops, time out JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:35 PM): OK we're back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:10 PM): morgan freeman is cool.. but JAMES CROMWELL is freakin' AWESOME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:17 PM): i didn't know he was in this movie!

Unfortunately, I think that was the last time he was in the movie.

well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:37 PM): the FBI! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:47 PM): before i forget, tea leoni is hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:49 PM): ahh he said, "What do you know about E-L-E?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:41 PM): she searched "E.L.E.", and found Extinction Level Event on a berkeley page! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:20 PM): she went to Berkeley's department of paleontology page... heh, ucberkeley.edu

There isn't an actual Department of Paleontology at Berkeley, like the movie suggests. But here is the Paleontology Museum, which is the closest we'll be able to get for now.

we gon' git you, you stupid com-it!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:16 PM): oh damn her new stepmom is hot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:25 PM): a large "spaceship"! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:34 PM): the Messiah! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:25 PM): wait, wasn't there another space movie where they flew up into space and landed on a big rock? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:52 PM): and it's Tom Hagen! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:37 PM): whoa she tied it into James Cromwell! nice job! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): "you know, you're gonna have a lot more sex now than ANYONE IN OUR CLASS" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:39:33 PM): jon favreau! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:42 PM): Red Forman! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:28 PM): "Messiah Mission Day One" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:51 PM): i thought this was the movie where they had to select a certain number of people to evacuate... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:46:34 PM): we gon' git you, you stupid com-it! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:59 PM): so why don't those rocks "the size of houses" fuck up the "spaceship" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:32 PM): right, the comet probably heats up in a matter of fractions of a second... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:44 PM): total recall was more realistic JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:12 PM): "Sit down, sit down. It's OK," tom hagen whispered to the russian cosmonaut. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:53 PM): Ok they're about to blow the nukes, but than I looked at the DVD case and there's a huge wave hitting NYC JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:56 PM): this won't work JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:31 PM): wouldn't an EMP fuck up your "spaceship" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:34 PM): ?

Yes, there's a reason I keep putting the word spaceship in quotation marks. Trust me, I haven't used the word "spaceship" since SixHertz and I were in maybe first or second grade.

there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:05:24 PM): oh see, and now you've just pissed the comet off JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:06:18 PM): heh, "the comets"... nice job america and russia! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:12 PM): "an immense network of caves" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:30 PM): in missouri. yay. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:55 PM): oh this *is* the movie with the evacuation JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:04 PM): "other countries are building their caves too!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:29 PM): there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:51 PM): Deep Impact needs JACK BAUER JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:03 PM): "the ark national lottery" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:23 PM): they're going to notify 200,000 in 5 minutes? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:30 PM): ha ha no men and women over 50 JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:11:24 PM): ya according to SSN, that's a retarded idea JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:07 PM): heh, one big comet, one baby comet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:38 PM): they should've taken their stupid "spaceship" and flown it into the baby comet hoping it'd hit the big comet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:00 PM): "Time to Impact 2 Weeks, 3 Days" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:31 PM): OK there wasn't a comma, but there should've been JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:17 PM): Time to Impact 5 Days JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:59 PM): that's kind of a shitty perimeter... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:31:03 PM): Deep Impact kinda makes me wish that a comet was gonna hit Earth before I have a chance to finish the movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:32:48 PM): for fuck's sake, get to the apocalyptic mayhem already JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:02 PM): "Our missiles have failed." JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:09 PM): damn JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:32 PM): this movie needs JACK BAUER

Or at least a different President. Morgan Freeman was kind of shitty as the president, but I understand given the whole comet-gonna-fuck-our-shit-up premise. I think that Jack Nicholson would've been better reprising his role as the POTUS from Mars Attacks! Or Harrison Ford from Air Force One.

get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:47 PM): Time to Impact 10 hours 37 mins JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:44:53 PM): she gave up her seat to the gimpy lesbian from ER JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:08 PM): yay! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:28 PM): oh ha ha, they're making them take the baby JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:47:03 PM): would've been funny if he biffed the dirtbike right there in front of them JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:18 PM): get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:23 PM): E.L.E. me! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:50:29 PM): awesome! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:51:18 PM): yeah, if it was hitting new york, the shoreline would've receded JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:54:09 PM): that's a great idea, show them their families so they can get distracted and fuck it up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:56:04 PM): yeah, fuck the russian guy, huh? should've brought some whores for him JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:09 PM): well OK that was an Ok movie JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

For fuck's sake, are you through not listening to your Tio Jaime yet?

I'm drunk and I still managed to win $5. What did you do at 2:15 am, California time?

See how much your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime loves you? He even found a blingo.com referral link for you despite the alcohol-induced haze. Sponsored by Jack Daniels.

One of those links is NSFW. So be careful. What's that? Why yes, I'd love some more bourbon!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- please excuse the labels. I kinda got excited. I blame the drunkenness.

What do we want? RUN SUPPORT!!! When do we want it? NOW!!!

I actually wrote this Mon-dee night, but was waiting for them to take my comment down. They haven't yet, so check out the Leftist Degenerate site before they do! --TJ

---

See what happens when you don't play Aleph One or Halo or watch the Giants? Nevermind that the G-men have the day off, so you can't watch them anyway?

oh God, what a joke

AIM IM with MwHCock. 9:11 PM MwHCock: http://impeachforpeace.org/impeach_bush_blog/?p=2400 JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF, why would i follow that link and give them a hit? MwHCock: because it involves your beloved giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this better be good... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh God, what a joke JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you should go comment that link on the SHoP JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i've been posting about the giants quite a bit

It's not that I'm too lazy to post links to the old SHoP posts, but my computer seems to be lagging in something as simple as Firefox while doing something as stupid as typing here in blogger.com. I tell you what: just click on the "Baseball" label, and you'll se a handful of Giants posts. Bye Bye Baby.

Jeff Kent's comment on the Leftist Degenerate post!

WTF President Bush?!? I helped put that banner up– we were talking about Brian Sabean! The grassroots movement to have Armando Benitez was so successful, that we're thinking bigger and bigger now! Who cares about Bush's theocrat lies, I'm just glad we're able to effect change in the bullpen without resorting to violence or other armed conflict. Who do you think was behind Barry making the All-Star team? All the mess in 2000 was child's play compared to mass-punching all-star ballots. We learned our lessons and Left No Chad Behind! Comment by Jeff Kent — July 2, 2007 @ 10:25 pm

Wow! Jeff Kent himself! I can't quite fully bring myself to hate that guy. He's almost as big of a prick as Barry, they say, but he doesn't abuse the press. He wears the Dodger Blue, yes, but at one point he also wore the Yale Blue.

Yes, stupid Cal used Yale Blue. Go Bears.

Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

This was going to be an update to the SHoP post "The weekend thus far", but it grew to the size of a whole nother post.

And yes, my use of the "word" nother was with derision.

---

<update date="20070702" time="2331">
I remembered what I had wanted to say about the Critical Mass pussies! At one point, I had to walk alongside them up 3rd Street away from Pac Bell. When we crossed Brannan Street, a firetruck started barrelling towards 3rd Street. What did they do? They stopped before the intersection and let the truck through.

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. These are the same people who at Berkeley would march for Affirmative Action under the slogan "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" but wouldn't dare resort to physical violence or self-sacrifice. What a bunch of pussies. If they wanted to be noticed past their run-of-the-mill monthly annoyance (and yes, Blue State Fuck-Ups, nowadays you're so predictable that you've lost your edginess), they should've stopped the firetruck. Or are misdemeanors and disruption of daily life too much of an inconvenience for the Modern Left?

The Leftist Degenerates of the 60's were a force with which to be reckoned. They put the Leftist Degenerates of the 90's to shame. And don't even get me started on these Bumper Sticker Degenerocrats of today and tomorrow.
</update>

ROCK THE VOTE!!! or, VOTE OR DIE!!!

I did my part. I voted. About 10 times. Don't worry, it wasn't for anything important...

Excerpt from Final push puts Bonds in starting lineup

Receiving an impressive late surge of votes in online balloting, Bonds climbed aboard the starting squad for the National League All-Star team by finishing third in the voting among outfielders. Bonds will join the New York Mets' Carlos Beltran and Cincinnati's Ken Griffey Jr. in the NL outfield. This marks Bonds' 14th All-Star selection. "I'm at a loss for words," Bonds repeated, appearing genuinely moved by his rally at the ballot box. "I'm surprised. I thought I played good enough to make the team, but I didn't think I'd start. This is great. I just can't say thanks enough to the fans here in San Francisco."

I've never been a huge Barry Bonds fan. I clap two, maybe three times whenever he comes up to bat. I'll consider going to five if there are runners in scoring position. Lately, I've been supporting Barry because it seems to piss off people who aren't Giants fans.

I think the Blue State Frontier is rubbing off on me a bit too much. But it seems to make up for it with sub-$100 R/T airfare to Las Vegas, much like the one being sold on Southwest Airlines' Ding right now...

The weekend thus far

I don't think I have enough shit for an entire post on any of these subjects, but if I put 'em all together, it just might work...

Going to the Giants game last night against the Diamondbacks

You know you're in San Francisco when out of the following...

a) A bumper sticker in a window says cheerily "Vote Democrat!",
b) A bum is peeing on the sidewalk in plain sight just fifteen feet in front of you,
c) Critical Mass disrupts your dinner and you lose your appetite

...the least upsetting thing is b). How bad is that? I place San Francisco Degenerocrats and attention whore-y bicycle activists below human urine.

<update date="20070702" time="2331">

See update in Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

</update>

Diamondbacks 4, Giants 3 (10)

A pretty good game, even if I only saw one of the runs. Fortunately, it was Barry's 750th. That was awesome.

Although, that wasn't as awesome as this dirty hippie right here...

blah blah blah steroids blah blah

It was awesome, he ran out onto the field from the Lower Box seats on the LF side, ran out to Barry, shook his hand as the whole stadium cheered this guy on, was escorted back to the foul line by Barry himself, and then was escorted off by three ushers.

You'll notice that the dirty hippie is barefoot. Typical San Francisco. Two ushers escorted him into police custody, and one usher trailing behind them picked up his filthy flip-flops. This seemed to amuse me a great deal last night, and to a certain extent still does over twenty-four hours after the fact... Go Giants! If I bring my ticket stub to a Giants Dugout store, I get a commemorative 750 button!

Just came back from Ratatouille in none other than Emeryville, CA!

Everybody clapped at the end of the movie; normally, this irritates me to no end because, what, like the people who made the movie are actually in the theater with you to receive your applause?

That thought was running through my mind for a split second at the end of Ratatouille when I quickly realized, well shit, I'm in Emeryville on opening weekend for a Pixar film. They probably are in the audience. Oh, and they're cheering during the credits-- OK fine, they're here. In hindsight, I wish I myself had clapped, then.

Out of the Pixar movies, I would probably put Ratatoulle behind Finding Nemo and Cars and The Incredibles. Probably right on par with Monsters, Inc. Probably behind both Toy Stories. Who knows? It's late and I'm nodding off. I'll likely go to sleep in a few minutes and have nice dreams of Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips and/or Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper.

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith