PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Just when you thought San Franciscans couldn't get any more annoying...
THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 3:00 AM.
EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.
Been a while since the last Jack Bauer recap, huh? The last one was back on 16 October, when I was telling you wonderful Citizen SHoPpers to tune into John London's Inferno. And how many of you actually did? That's right. I didn't think so.
Anycrap, saw this on a car on my block, here in lovely Blue America. I'm blogging to you live from the safety of Fort Tio Jaime, your Red State Outpost in the Blue State Frontier.
| I still don't get it. And now my brain hurts from trying to decode it... |
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 Click to enlarge in new window |
Perhaps I should've edited the photo, linkdump style? I wanted to put a hand-scrawled "WTF?" and and arrow pointing to the still-confusing catchphrase on the bumper sticker. But I don't seem to have a drawing program on this here ole TiBook. I'll probably download GIMP tomorrow...
Still, doesn't this sticker seem to address all of the people who promised people like me that they would leave the country if George W. Bush got elected/re-elected? We're still waiting. Instead of those stupid websites where people hold up signs apologizing to the rest of the world, how about one where people hold up signs apologizing to their fellow Americans for not leaving for Canada when they said they would?
Just more melodramatics and whining from the Left, I suppose. Like school lunches in 1995, or global cooling/warming/for-fuck's-sake-make-up-your-minds-already. Rest assured, Citizen SHoPpers, that when your Tio Jaime tells you that he's stockpiling ammunition in preparation for the Culture War turning into a shooting Civil War-- he's serious.
Although I'm not sure just how much of a war it'll be since here in the Blue State Frontier, I'm the one with the lone firearm... Are my Leftist neighbors gonna bend over and surrender France-style? I can only fit so many POW hippies-that-didn't-bother-to-grow-up in my little studio here.
As it's 3am here, I myself am now bordering on the very unintelligibility towards which I'm trying to draw your once-a-month Citizen SHoPper attention. So feel free to comment below on this post, or maybe even a post you saw on OTW Mark's page!
Yours,
Tio Jaime
<update time="0335">
OK. I did a little bit of digging on that bumper sticker, and apparently it's for some travel website? Fuckin' shit. I liked it better when it was unintelligible. However, this raises a few points:
1) Is it really a stretch of the imagination that some esoteric, Leftist website would be selling bumper stickers with a hazy, unfocused message understood only by a select, elitist cadre of five or six people?
2) Again, what kind of shitty bumper sticker requires you to find the logo/name/URL by examining the sticker at a distance of no more than two feet? Or examining it via high-resolution photo hosted on flickr.com? If it wasn't for irritable SHoP Overlords like myself, nobody would know about your fine print. Here's a freebie for next time: try a bumper sticker that says "lonelyplanet.com". Try a Courier font.
3) I bet this person not only voted for Gore and Kerry, but promised vehemently to his/her snivelling, whining Leftist comrades that he/she would be moving to Canada if Bush won. Hey shithead, your car is still on my block. Take CA-24 East to I-680 North to I-80 East to I-505 North to I-5 North through Oregon and Washington. Have fun with the metric system.
</update>
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