The Blue State Frontier can go suck a Big One

I got a gyro last Fri-dee. Even though I'm a "sick racist piece of souless (sic) shit." (check out the comments there! I thought we had lost that comment forever!)

So while I was picking up said gyro, I ran into Critical Mass, who I thought stuck to San Francisco and Berkeley. After all, people in Oakland have a tendency to be black and armed. I'd imagine that they wouldn't take too kindly to stinky, dirty, scruffy white hippies blocking their way to see the Warriors. Especially not this year, I suppose.

Degenerates, now in two-wheel form!

One of them tried to greet me. I called her a degenerate. Another spewed some tired line about global warming right at me. I pantomimed jacking-off for him and all the casual pantywaist liberals to see. He said, "Fuck you!" I called him a jagoff.

Then I got my gyro. It was fucking awesome.

Ain't the Blue State Frontier great? And I'm not even surrounded by the mainstream Blue State Fuck-ups like you're expecting. No no, none of this Hillary or Obama schlock here... out here we got bona fide Kucinch retards. And every once in a while, a LaRouche nerd. Don't worry about me, worry about these deluded Blue State Fuck-ups and the votes they'll cast. But just wait it out, since their dogs don't vote, but your children do.

There's more than one way to piss off your Blue State Fuck-up neighbors. One way is to tear off their stickers because some other Blue State Fuck-ups tore off a SHoP Overlady's sticker a long time ago.

Here's another one...

Ha ha, fuck you Blue America!

I hope that I angered a liberal or two who was checking to see if her latest copy of The New Yorker had arrived. Because lookee here! An assault rifle in its place! Too bad that the rifle represents the wrong tenth of the Bill of Rights. Fuck, with campaign finance reform, they can't even get the one tenth they want right anyway.

I saw a Blue State Fuck-up's bumper sticker this morning on I-80. It said, "Protect the Bill of Rights - Impeach Bush". This doesn't seem to make sense given what we know about the anti-semitic American Left...

1) I don't think modern liberals understand the correct application of Freedom of Speech, seeing as to how they seem to misuse the word "censorship" way too often. Also, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" doesn't exactly translate to "Separation of Church and State".
2) I know they don't like the Right to Bear Arms.
3) I'm not really worried that they'll force quartering of troops on us, since they'll end up gutting the military anyway once these Blue State Fuck-ups let them.
4) I've heard many a liberal pull some "Right to Privacy" out of his ass. And oh yes, I could tell that he treated that "right" as a proper noun. Note the capitals.
5) I don't think it's us wingnuts which are into that the whole eminent domain thing.
6) Again, combatant POWs really shouldn't be afforded the same rights that are afforded regular, red-blooded American criminals.
7) I'd imagine that Leftists ain't too crazy about jury nullification. Running out of steam here...
8) It says cruel and unusual punishment, right? So cruel or unusual should be just fine...
9) OK. If health care is a right, shouldn't I have the right to say, oh i dunno, choose my own method of health care? Instead of having some socialized government piece of shit forced upon me... Or does the Right to Choose end once my mom chose not to abort me?
10) I was afraid of this one. Here's where my engineering prowess defers to somebody like OTW Mark or MwHCock. I don't know what the Tenth Amendment says that the Ninth doesn't. Or rather, vice versa, as I'm a huge States' Rights dude.

The Bottom Line: You want to protect the Bill of Rights? Don't let the Degenerocrats appoint their shitty judges.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Northern California's most pussified Blue State Fuck-up ever!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

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Heh, I found the article again, and it deserves its own post instead of some fake html in an update of the original SHoP post. I was afraid sfgate.com had updated the article, but oh yes here it is for your reading pleasure.

Excerpt from THE MAZE MELTDOWN: East Bay commuters facing detours, jam-packed BART, emphasis mine
Kevin Hershey of Oakland, who owns an optical shop in San Francisco's Union Square, said his commute won't be the only headache -- his business will probably suffer, as well. "I about started crying when I heard," said Hershey. "It will definitely affect my business. East Bay people will hesitate before going into the city to shop, and a lot are going to go to Walnut Creek instead."

Oh God. For fuck's sake, dry your eyes, wipe your nose, and put on your Big Girl panties.

This is the same kind of snivelling, ball-less man that will elect Hillary or Obama. It's true-- God, I wish it wasn't, but this is typical for men in the Bay Area living in close proximity to San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.

Admittedly, there are things that will make men cry in sadness...

Mom or Dad dies
Dog dies
Wife dies
Child dies
UCLA overcoming a 17-point deficit at the half
Wife shot dead by Nina Myers at CTU Los Angeles
You've just foiled a bioterrorist threat against Los Angeles and finally exacted your revenge on Nina Myers for killing your wife (see above)
You're holding the lifeless body of Tony Almeida in Season 5
You're trying to blog, but accidentally read a spoiler on wikipedia about Tony Almeida dying in Season 5
Now you just read one line further and found out that Jack kills Curtis Manning in Season 6
She's using her teeth

Notice that I didn't even put anything like "Giants lose World Series" or "Got fired". These are both sad, but don't justify man-cryage. You can bury your face in your hands, shake your head in denial, pace the room like a crazy man, keep muttering "oh fuck me oh fuck me" to yourself-- but no crying, please.

And if you're going to cry because your store in San Francisco is going to be affected by flyover ramps GOING AWAY FROM SAN FRANCISCO... then just don't tell anybody. Definitely shouldn't tell the Chronicle, because they might put it up online. And now Tio Jaime is calling you a pussified Blue State Fuck-up.

My favorite passage from Mary Schmich's classic column in the Chicago Tribune: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Off to lunch. Stay off the freeways.

Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)

Dirty Hippies, Reality Television, Strip Clubs, Killing Trees, Nasty Protest Chicks, California Baseball, Leetspeak, and, um... Strip Clubs. Again.

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Stupid women. Fucking up a perfectly crumulent study...

I could post a lot more today, but work is somewhat busy. Perhaps I'll have some funny videos from the linkdumps later this afternoon. But for now, I couldn't resist this one...

I was reading some yahoo! news headlines, finding good stories. I found one that talked about how napping is good for you (heh). Unfortunately, I got bored with the article real quick and was about to close it when I just barely caught this line.

My favorite line from the yahoo! news article. Emphasis mine.
It's likely that women reap similar benefits from napping, but not enough of them died during the study to be sure, said Dr. Dimitrios Trichopoulos, the study's senior author and a researcher at Harvard University and the University of Athens Medical School.

That's pretty funny. So I started to read the rest of the article, but got bored again. So i reread the funny line. About not enough women dying.

Even if you're a humorless feminist, that line should be funny. Not as funny as how exactly you ended up at the SHoP, but it's up there. Maybe that foreign doctor fucked up his engrish? I mean, the way this line was written it sounded like there were a bunch of doctors reviewing their results and complaining to each other, "Fuck! Why don't more of these old C-bombs just fucking die already?!?"

Which, interestingly enough, is what I think pretty often when having to interact with my old, aging-hippie-chick neighbors.

Ooh. Cheap shot? Yes, probably.

But I have to burn lines to get the 240 pixels that will take me to the end of that hippiechick jpeg I put on the right.

Am I there yet? A few more carriage returns should do the trick...

Anycrap, yes. I do wish that more of my selfish, leftist, hippie neighbors would curl up and die already. That'd free up parking on my street, at the very least...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith