For fuck's sake, are you through not listening to your Tio Jaime yet?

I'm drunk and I still managed to win $5. What did you do at 2:15 am, California time?

See how much your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime loves you? He even found a blingo.com referral link for you despite the alcohol-induced haze. Sponsored by Jack Daniels.

One of those links is NSFW. So be careful. What's that? Why yes, I'd love some more bourbon!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- please excuse the labels. I kinda got excited. I blame the drunkenness.

The weekend thus far

I don't think I have enough shit for an entire post on any of these subjects, but if I put 'em all together, it just might work...

Going to the Giants game last night against the Diamondbacks

You know you're in San Francisco when out of the following...

a) A bumper sticker in a window says cheerily "Vote Democrat!",
b) A bum is peeing on the sidewalk in plain sight just fifteen feet in front of you,
c) Critical Mass disrupts your dinner and you lose your appetite

...the least upsetting thing is b). How bad is that? I place San Francisco Degenerocrats and attention whore-y bicycle activists below human urine.

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See update in Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

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Diamondbacks 4, Giants 3 (10)

A pretty good game, even if I only saw one of the runs. Fortunately, it was Barry's 750th. That was awesome.

Although, that wasn't as awesome as this dirty hippie right here...

blah blah blah steroids blah blah

It was awesome, he ran out onto the field from the Lower Box seats on the LF side, ran out to Barry, shook his hand as the whole stadium cheered this guy on, was escorted back to the foul line by Barry himself, and then was escorted off by three ushers.

You'll notice that the dirty hippie is barefoot. Typical San Francisco. Two ushers escorted him into police custody, and one usher trailing behind them picked up his filthy flip-flops. This seemed to amuse me a great deal last night, and to a certain extent still does over twenty-four hours after the fact... Go Giants! If I bring my ticket stub to a Giants Dugout store, I get a commemorative 750 button!

Just came back from Ratatouille in none other than Emeryville, CA!

Everybody clapped at the end of the movie; normally, this irritates me to no end because, what, like the people who made the movie are actually in the theater with you to receive your applause?

That thought was running through my mind for a split second at the end of Ratatouille when I quickly realized, well shit, I'm in Emeryville on opening weekend for a Pixar film. They probably are in the audience. Oh, and they're cheering during the credits-- OK fine, they're here. In hindsight, I wish I myself had clapped, then.

Out of the Pixar movies, I would probably put Ratatoulle behind Finding Nemo and Cars and The Incredibles. Probably right on par with Monsters, Inc. Probably behind both Toy Stories. Who knows? It's late and I'm nodding off. I'll likely go to sleep in a few minutes and have nice dreams of Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips and/or Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper.

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

STUFF THAT WAS AWESOME WHEN WE WERE PREPUBESCENT, BUT SUCKS NOWADAYS

Watching The Wonder Years right now. No, it doesn't suck nowadays, but we'll address that in a second or two. I'm sure you've noticed that the stuff you liked waaay back when is too suck-tastic even for kitsch-value.

MacGyver

What budding engineer didn't love MacGyver? He was the epitome of awesomeness that required your brain and not so much karate or whatever else. (Or marksmanship, I suppose; MwHCock and I are working on that as we speak.) My favorite episode was where he went back to his alma mater (was supposed to be Cal Tech, but I don't remember what they changed the name to) and had to outwit some crazy kids in a barricade contest. Pretty awesome, except when Monday Night Football wouldn't pre-empt engineering goodness at 8pm.

But watch an episode nowadays. I was excited to buy the DVD boxset, but I haven't made it through the first season. Willing suspension of disbelief comes a lot harder after puberty I guess. The casino riot and gypsy hijinks was cool when I was like ten, not so much in my late-twenties.

Oh and SixH, Shiraz, and Waitress Chick-- MacGyver went to high school in Roseville, MN!

Sledge Hammer!

Hmm, kind of the same problem that MacGyver suffers from. The first couple of episodes are OK-- despite bazooking an entire building--

OK, I take that back. The first couple of episodes suck and should have alerted me to the disappointing nature of the following episodes. They really should've kept the laugh track in the DVD boxset, if only because we really do need to be told where to laugh.

Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper

When we were all Kevin Arnold's age, oh fuck yeah we wanted to make out with Danica McKellar. Even you chicks out there. She was the cute brunette next door, and sometimes she wore go-go boots.

But now, almost twenty years later, you find yourself not attracted to her at all; maybe even repulsed. For fuck's sake, she didn't have boobs. Trust me on this one, I just saw the episode where she goes to a dance, but not with Kevin. She goes with an eighth-grader.

OK, good. Glad to see that your self-loathing reflexes kicked in there, just like they're supposed to. In case you're some kind of sick child molester, you should have remembered how you had a crush on Winnie Cooper some eighteen, nineteen years ago, resurrected the crush, and then milliseconds later dismissed the thought. All-in-all, about one second of processing in your brain there.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Jihad Jimmy, you're sick."

Well, no shit. What other breaking news stories do you have to bring to this hypothetical, internal dialogue?

"Your entire post was just a lead-in to the Making Out with Winnie Cooper bit!"

This is true. What's your point?

"Now I'm thinking about making out with Danica McKellar!"

Is this so bad? I don't see why--

"MAKING OUT WITH HER, BUT IN HER 12-YEAR-OLD FORM!"

Oh my, yes. That is bad. You do realize she had no boobs back then?

"Yeah, I know. But she was still kinda-- NO! SEE? YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!"

I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else. I have MacGyver, Season One on DVD if you're interested...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

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Incidentally, no, there isn't a disconnect between this Winnie Cooper thing and my Emma Watson fixation thing. When she turns 18, whoo momma!
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