Oh man, I just shot Chase Edmunds in the hand!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas
wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!
and now Jack's armed. get some
ahh, apparently it's the Ukrainians who have a virus, not some wacky Mexicans
hey look, there's my Willing Suspension of Disbelief flying away...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 AM AND 2:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

You don't know how tempting it was to go with

i wanna molest Nina Myers in a Jetta

for the post title. I figured I should go with the Pulp Fiction reference to keep some semblance of rhyme and reason.

Can you believe Pulp Fiction is over 10 years old? Kinda blows your mind... A little SHoP history in that link right there, check it out-- or if you recently got DSL, you can probably download the mp3 there now as well.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

"24" Season 3, episode 10

You are now in chat room "GetBentAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (1:06:03 AM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (1:06:05 AM): must have more 24 JihadJimmy858 (1:06:14 AM): lemme brush my teeth first JihadJimmy858 (1:11:08 AM): OK teeth brushed JihadJimmy858 (1:11:19 AM): more 24! JihadJimmy858 (1:11:37 AM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (1:11:38 AM): JihadJimmy858 (1:11:48 AM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (1:11:54 AM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER JihadJimmy858 (1:12:20 AM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT JihadJimmy858 (1:12:38 AM): CHASE EDMUNDS JihadJimmy858 (1:12:47 AM): (UGLY MEXI-CHICK) JihadJimmy858 (1:12:51 AM): MICHAEL AMADOR JihadJimmy858 (1:12:59 AM): (who the fuck is that guy?) JihadJimmy858 (1:13:02 AM): JACK BAUER JihadJimmy858 (1:13:32 AM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 PM AND 11:00 PM. JihadJimmy858 (1:15:22 AM): Nina Myers! JihadJimmy858 (1:16:51 AM): Gael Ortega is still a spanish mole fag JihadJimmy858 (1:17:42 AM): really, the dust-up between ann-chick and tony is Kim's fault JihadJimmy858 (1:18:22 AM): uh oh JihadJimmy858 (1:18:48 AM): stupid mexi-brother is torpedoing ugly mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (1:21:04 AM): close call, but ugly mexi-chick was kinda quick on her toes JihadJimmy858 (1:21:42 AM): i like the Nina Myers reaction shots JihadJimmy858 (1:22:26 AM): i think as punishment, ann-chick should be forced to wear stripper costumes JihadJimmy858 (1:23:34 AM): Chloe going nuts? JihadJimmy858 (1:24:30 AM): Oh man, I just shot Chase Edmunds in the hand! JihadJimmy858 (1:24:41 AM): LOL "if he doesn't crack soon, use gasoline" JihadJimmy858 (1:24:44 AM): 10:13:07 JihadJimmy858 (1:24:50 AM): 10:17:33 JihadJimmy858 (1:25:40 AM): oh blah blah, sabotaging a bill that could help milllions JihadJimmy858 (1:27:06 AM): Chloe O'Brien is mad JihadJimmy858 (1:29:19 AM): smother your brother! JihadJimmy858 (1:31:08 AM): 1) like she could knock out a big mexi-dude like that, and 2) like she could drag a big mexi-dude like that JihadJimmy858 (1:31:12 AM): 10:28:12 JihadJimmy858 (1:31:19 AM): i missed the out-time, sorry JihadJimmy858 (1:31:51 AM): did sherry die in season 2? JihadJimmy858 (1:35:25 AM): i guess she didn't, and she makes an appearance in season 4 JihadJimmy858 (1:35:55 AM): whoops, i missed what happened... chase overpowered his guard? JihadJimmy858 (1:36:45 AM): oh she threw gasoline on him and then he stabbed her JihadJimmy858 (1:37:08 AM): whoa he cauterized his own hand JihadJimmy858 (1:37:12 AM): crazy focker JihadJimmy858 (1:37:40 AM): the great mexi-escape! JihadJimmy858 (1:38:01 AM): LOL JihadJimmy858 (1:38:07 AM): chase shot two mexidudes JihadJimmy858 (1:39:08 AM): whoops JihadJimmy858 (1:39:18 AM): oh is she mexi-dead JihadJimmy858 (1:39:21 AM): ? JihadJimmy858 (1:39:33 AM): maybe you should call CTU w/your phone and shit JihadJimmy858 (1:39:37 AM): 10:40:04 JihadJimmy858 (1:39:41 AM): (missed the out-time again) JihadJimmy858 (1:41:07 AM): now Chloe is pulling the parent-card on Chapelle JihadJimmy858 (1:41:32 AM): stealth mode JihadJimmy858 (1:42:46 AM): heh, lucky their dome light wasn't on JihadJimmy858 (1:45:18 AM): nina will get the location in half-an-hour JihadJimmy858 (1:46:51 AM): oops JihadJimmy858 (1:46:54 AM): got the drop on jack JihadJimmy858 (1:46:59 AM): 10:51:44 JihadJimmy858 (1:47:06 AM): dude, third out-time i've missed JihadJimmy858 (1:47:51 AM): delta team 10 mins out JihadJimmy858 (1:48:03 AM): ugly mexi-chick is now dead mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (1:48:45 AM): i wanna molest Nina Myers in a Jetta JihadJimmy858 (1:53:34 AM): NOSFERATU-CHICK!!! JihadJimmy858 (1:54:23 AM): dude, have we learned nothing? when you invite Sherry Palmer into your house, bad shit happens JihadJimmy858 (1:55:44 AM): ooh yeah momma JihadJimmy858 (1:55:48 AM): 11:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

hey look, there's my Willing Suspension of Disbelief flying away...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas
wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!
and now Jack's armed. get some
ahh, apparently it's the Ukrainians who have a virus, not some wacky Mexicans

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 AM AND 2:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Look who's back! She's dreamy...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Episode 9, "24" Season 3

You are now in chat room "EatMeAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (12:15:08 AM): hello dere! JihadJimmy858 (12:15:19 AM): you up for some 24? JihadJimmy858 (12:15:31 AM): if ya smelllllll what the Tio Jaime is cookin JihadJimmy858 (12:16:16 AM): although i'm gonna be cleaning up in the background, and not all snarking, all the time JihadJimmy858 (12:19:03 AM): dude, is that nina myers? because thanks for the spoiler. cockmasters. JihadJimmy858 (12:19:17 AM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (12:19:18 AM): JihadJimmy858 (12:19:31 AM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (12:19:40 AM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER JihadJimmy858 (12:19:56 AM): JACK BAUER JihadJimmy858 (12:20:19 AM): (CRAZY MEXI-UGLY CHICK) JihadJimmy858 (12:20:34 AM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT JihadJimmy858 (12:20:48 AM): CHASE EDMUNDS JihadJimmy858 (12:20:53 AM): (i hate that fucker) JihadJimmy858 (12:21:25 AM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00PM AND 10:00 PM. JihadJimmy858 (12:22:37 AM): ha ha, so much for the no questions JihadJimmy858 (12:23:25 AM): so the president won't negotiate with terrorists, but he'll succumb to reporters? JihadJimmy858 (12:24:21 AM): Tony's getting all pissy-whispery JihadJimmy858 (12:26:32 AM): 09:07:14 JihadJimmy858 (12:27:09 AM): nice dress, ugly mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (12:27:59 AM): yeah, you selfish mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (12:30:10 AM): ouch JihadJimmy858 (12:30:13 AM): shovel to the face JihadJimmy858 (12:33:08 AM): "waaaa! you don't have to be sarcastic, chloe!" JihadJimmy858 (12:34:02 AM): ooh wow, kim outsmarted Tony JihadJimmy858 (12:34:16 AM): Delta-seven-two-three-Bravo JihadJimmy858 (12:34:26 AM): 09:18:49 JihadJimmy858 (12:35:12 AM): Allan Milliken? JihadJimmy858 (12:35:17 AM): another black dude JihadJimmy858 (12:37:31 AM): 09:22:02 JihadJimmy858 (12:39:15 AM): another virus buyer! JihadJimmy858 (12:39:30 AM): is it Don Miguel from NBC's Kingpin JihadJimmy858 (12:39:34 AM): oh it's gonna be Nina Myers JihadJimmy858 (12:39:38 AM): Nina Myers JihadJimmy858 (12:40:21 AM): oh she's looking good JihadJimmy858 (12:41:25 AM): 09:25:52 JihadJimmy858 (12:41:31 AM): 09:30:05 JihadJimmy858 (12:44:19 AM): all of these black people don't sound black JihadJimmy858 (12:46:26 AM): well good that PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER trusts his brother. We all know how well his judgment has been in the past JihadJimmy858 (12:47:09 AM): it could be, Kim, that you are a retard JihadJimmy858 (12:47:21 AM): now she's some CTU-hotshit? whatever JihadJimmy858 (12:47:55 AM): hey look, there's my Willing Suspension of Disbelief flying away... JihadJimmy858 (12:49:08 AM): that's comforting. leave your life in the hands of an ugly mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (12:50:10 AM): 09:38:52 JihadJimmy858 (12:50:14 AM): 09:43:05 JihadJimmy858 (12:51:31 AM): and again, leave your lives in the hands of your ugly mexi-chick daughter. JihadJimmy858 (12:52:25 AM): yeah, and getting shot was a mistake, i suppose JihadJimmy858 (12:57:15 AM): well OK now Tony's pissed JihadJimmy858 (12:57:19 AM): not whispering anymore JihadJimmy858 (12:57:42 AM): perhaps your racially ambiguous wife needs a spanking JihadJimmy858 (12:57:50 AM): 09:50:52 JihadJimmy858 (12:57:56 AM): 09:55:05 JihadJimmy858 (1:00:06 AM): nina bid $240 million, jack's mexicans only bid $225 JihadJimmy858 (1:01:22 AM): 09:58:00 JihadJimmy858 (1:03:11 AM): "let's play this out a little longer JihadJimmy858 (1:03:16 AM): 10:00:00 JihadJimmy858 (1:03:34 AM): Sarah Clarke as Nina Myers! JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

ahh, apparently it's the Ukrainians who have a virus, not some wacky Mexicans

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas
wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!
and now Jack's armed. get some

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Too fucking hot here in the Blue State Frontier.

On the other hand, it's very nice that this season started at 1-2 pm so it's easy to count the episodes. 7pm? episode 7. We're at 8pm right now. Read on.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

24. Season 3. Episode 8

You are now in chat room "GetBentAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (2:04:55 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (2:05:04 PM): time for more 24 JihadJimmy858 (2:05:21 PM): that was one of the best cliffhangers I've seen JihadJimmy858 (2:05:41 PM): the creepy spanish mole fag was actually working with Tony and Jack! JihadJimmy858 (2:05:45 PM): man, good shit! JihadJimmy858 (2:06:18 PM): really, no need for a spoiler alert JihadJimmy858 (2:07:37 PM): is that nina myers in the splash screen? JihadJimmy858 (2:08:18 PM): oh, first i'm gonna watch the last 10 minutes of 7-8, since iw as falling asleep and might've missed something JihadJimmy858 (2:09:06 PM): shit, i missed the special features on 7:00 to 8:00 because the DVD menu was fucked up JihadJimmy858 (2:09:07 PM): assholes JihadJimmy858 (2:19:58 PM): godDAM what a good ending!!! JihadJimmy858 (2:20:12 PM): OK, next episode after the credits... JihadJimmy858 (2:21:20 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (2:21:21 PM): JihadJimmy858 (2:21:28 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (2:21:33 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (2:21:58 PM): CHASE EDMUNDS!!! JihadJimmy858 (2:22:04 PM): (oh, that was new) JihadJimmy858 (2:22:14 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (2:22:38 PM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (2:22:59 PM): oh, Jack's back, baby! JihadJimmy858 (2:23:08 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (2:24:22 PM): Gael Ortega, apparently JihadJimmy858 (2:24:38 PM): ooh, a secret video for the president JihadJimmy858 (2:24:42 PM): JACK BAUER! JihadJimmy858 (2:24:53 PM): "if you're watching this video..." JihadJimmy858 (2:25:31 PM): ahh, apparently it's the Ukrainians who have a virus, not some wacky Mexicans JihadJimmy858 (2:27:02 PM): oh whatever, stupid president... Jack Bauer and CTU are making your presidency like only the raddest presidency ever JihadJimmy858 (2:28:34 PM): why are we whispering? JihadJimmy858 (2:30:45 PM): he's playing the wife-card JihadJimmy858 (2:31:38 PM): LOL, crazy mexicans! almost killed jack bauer JihadJimmy858 (2:32:04 PM): 08: JihadJimmy858 (2:32:22 PM): oh, special features! JihadJimmy858 (2:32:53 PM): 08:10:48 JihadJimmy858 (2:32:59 PM): 08:15:14 JihadJimmy858 (2:33:58 PM): virus-interception time, motherfuckers! JihadJimmy858 (2:35:05 PM): oh yay, ugly mexi-chick meets JACK BAUER JihadJimmy858 (2:35:54 PM): and she's pissed at him, apparently JihadJimmy858 (2:36:22 PM): "does hector know about us?" JihadJimmy858 (2:36:39 PM): really, jack doesn't do too well chick-wise JihadJimmy858 (2:37:01 PM): janky wife, kate warner, now mexi-ugly JihadJimmy858 (2:40:22 PM): oh, Ann's "not up to this" JihadJimmy858 (2:40:36 PM): TOOK YOU FUCKING LONG ENOUGH TO FIGURE THAT OUT JihadJimmy858 (2:41:59 PM): wonderful. this is a shitty B-story JihadJimmy858 (2:42:50 PM): "can we be 25 again?" JihadJimmy858 (2:42:54 PM): STUPID JihadJimmy858 (2:43:01 PM): GET BACK TO LAS NIEVES JihadJimmy858 (2:43:14 PM): shoot her JihadJimmy858 (2:43:36 PM): shoot her first! JihadJimmy858 (2:43:38 PM): dammit JihadJimmy858 (2:43:41 PM): 08:25:35 JihadJimmy858 (2:43:48 PM): 08:29:48 JihadJimmy858 (2:47:57 PM): maybe i should play some San Andreas after this episode JihadJimmy858 (2:50:32 PM): OK so they're gonna kill jack after the exchange JihadJimmy858 (2:50:52 PM): note to bad guys: when you don't kill the good guy off right away, you end up dying or other some shit JihadJimmy858 (2:51:32 PM): 08:37:39 JihadJimmy858 (2:51:37 PM): 08:41:55 JihadJimmy858 (2:55:48 PM): oh shit, they shot the mexi-cop! JihadJimmy858 (2:56:44 PM): see, when agents go renegade-- without being JACK BAUER-- bad shit happens JihadJimmy858 (2:56:56 PM): 08:47:25 JihadJimmy858 (2:57:01 PM): 08:51:37 JihadJimmy858 (2:59:22 PM): oh and now she's breaking up with PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER JihadJimmy858 (2:59:42 PM): this is stupid JihadJimmy858 (2:59:59 PM): i want some Weinerschnitzel JihadJimmy858 (3:02:29 PM): you should make JACK BAUER kill chase JihadJimmy858 (3:02:52 PM): oops, broke the transponder JihadJimmy858 (3:03:04 PM): LOL "kill him. kill your partner" JihadJimmy858 (3:03:40 PM): dude, don't spit in JACK's face JihadJimmy858 (3:04:00 PM): heh, gun was empty JihadJimmy858 (3:04:56 PM): although i was hoping chase would die. little shit doens't deserve a CHASE EDMUNDS spot in the recaps JihadJimmy858 (3:05:18 PM): 09:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

and now Jack's armed. get some

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas
wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 4:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I wholly recommend you read this carefully, as there's some good shit you're probably gonna gloss over. You'll thank me later.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

A Good Webfind, and after a while, "24" Season 3, Episode 7

You are now in chat room "EatMeAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (2:07:48 AM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (2:08:01 AM): thought i could go to bed tonight w/o watching another 24 JihadJimmy858 (2:08:07 AM): looks like i thought wrong JihadJimmy858 (2:15:14 AM): OK laundry is put away, ice water is poured... here we go JihadJimmy858 (2:15:51 AM): JihadJimmy858 (2:16:06 AM): OK looks like the Apple DVD player is taking a shit on the SHoP right now JihadJimmy858 (2:16:15 AM): let's try this again JihadJimmy858 (2:18:15 AM): oh wait, found a cool site on Attu Sees All JihadJimmy858 (2:18:41 AM): 999videos.com JihadJimmy858 (2:19:00 AM): which you, as a lazy Citizen SHoPper will likely gloss over JihadJimmy858 (2:19:37 AM): or as people continue to believe in WMP as the standard, my computer will reject as retarded JihadJimmy858 (2:19:50 AM): quicktime, Citizen SHoPpers... quicktime JihadJimmy858 (2:20:55 AM): heh they have Debbie Gibson JihadJimmy858 (2:21:54 AM): you wanna prove to me you're a good Citizen SHoPper? go find a video on that page which you haven't seen in years because MTV stopped showing videos. JihadJimmy858 (2:22:19 AM): watch it, quote me some lyrics in the comments section JihadJimmy858 (2:22:40 AM): delurk, if you have to. i wanna see who the Hardcore SHoPpers are JihadJimmy858 (2:24:10 AM): heh... Groove Armada's "I See You Baby" JihadJimmy858 (2:24:54 AM): and now i gotta take a dump JihadJimmy858 (2:24:58 AM): i'm at DUMPCON 2 JihadJimmy858 (2:25:04 AM): in my own apartment JihadJimmy858 (2:28:24 AM): Ice Cube's "Today Was a Good Day!" JihadJimmy858 (2:29:44 AM): I can make the assssss drop JihadJimmy858 (2:31:33 AM): cool, a palm tree-lined cemetary like in The Shield (surprisingly, I couldn't find a permalink to a 3amC of The Shield. I don't think I've ever done one. -TJ) JihadJimmy858 (2:32:03 AM): that was funny how he woke her up around 1 JihadJimmy858 (2:33:00 AM): looks like we'll be a while getting to 24... JihadJimmy858 (2:34:21 AM): Murray Head! One Night in Bangkok! JihadJimmy858 (2:35:35 AM): in a show with everything but JihadJimmy858 (2:36:32 AM): i get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine JihadJimmy858 (2:38:14 AM): oh sweet, wacky dance sequence! better than thriller, because it's on a chessboard JihadJimmy858 (2:40:18 AM): The Police - Synchronicity II JihadJimmy858 (2:40:30 AM): i think i saw this one in vegas recently... JihadJimmy858 (2:44:45 AM): OK that was cool, but i scrolled ahead and found.... JihadJimmy858 (2:44:56 AM): MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN!!! JihadJimmy858 (3:00:55 AM): OK kinda fell asleep there, but we'll save Young MC's "Bust a Move for another time... JihadJimmy858 (3:01:00 AM): here we go... JihadJimmy858 (3:04:01 AM): JihadJimmy858 (3:04:08 AM): stupid DVD menu was jacked JihadJimmy858 (3:04:11 AM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (3:04:16 AM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER JihadJimmy858 (3:04:41 AM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (3:05:08 AM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (3:05:59 AM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (3:06:15 AM): creepy spanish mole fag! JihadJimmy858 (3:06:24 AM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:00 PM AND 8:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (3:07:41 AM): should've duct taped Kim's mouth two seasons ago JihadJimmy858 (3:11:00 AM): 07:06:28 JihadJimmy858 (3:17:14 AM): yeah fuck you MOLE JihadJimmy858 (3:18:18 AM): ooh ann-chick boobs! JihadJimmy858 (3:18:41 AM): YEAH FUCK YOU MOLE JihadJimmy858 (3:18:43 AM): 07:14:14 JihadJimmy858 (3:18:48 AM): 07:18:27 JihadJimmy858 (3:22:42 AM): 07:22:31 JihadJimmy858 (3:22:57 AM): ooh, mexi-whores! JihadJimmy858 (3:23:16 AM): disrobing the mexi-whore! JihadJimmy858 (3:25:20 AM): heh, the mexi-terrorist is watching Speed JihadJimmy858 (3:25:45 AM): LOL dumbfuck! JihadJimmy858 (3:25:49 AM): and now you're mexi-dead JihadJimmy858 (3:26:12 AM): and now Jack's armed. get some JihadJimmy858 (3:26:15 AM): 07:26:05 JihadJimmy858 (3:26:20 AM): 07:30:18 JihadJimmy858 (3:28:44 AM): 07:32:48 JihadJimmy858 (3:31:42 AM): LOL gotcha, you wacky salazar-dude! JihadJimmy858 (3:32:50 AM): ugly mexi-chick JihadJimmy858 (3:32:58 AM): torture his mole ass JihadJimmy858 (3:33:08 AM): cry, you fag JihadJimmy858 (3:35:03 AM): 07:39:09 JihadJimmy858 (3:35:06 AM): 07:43:34 JihadJimmy858 (3:37:50 AM): Las Nieves, MX! JihadJimmy858 (3:38:07 AM): ooh Kim Kleavage JihadJimmy858 (3:39:01 AM): 07:47:08 JihadJimmy858 (3:40:28 AM): falling asleep.... unfortunately it's a crucial point in the episode JihadJimmy858 (3:42:57 AM): ooh, mexi-cleavage JihadJimmy858 (3:43:54 AM): 07:49:something JihadJimmy858 (3:43:59 AM): 07:53:59 JihadJimmy858 (3:49:27 AM): whoa, he's been working for the salazars all along? JihadJimmy858 (3:49:33 AM): he's been in contact w/them? JihadJimmy858 (3:50:21 AM): 08:00:00 JihadJimmy858 (3:50:46 AM): whoa, spanish mole fag and tony almeida were working to get jack back undercover!!! JihadJimmy858 (3:51:05 AM): getting kinda sticky there... and now i'm going to bed JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Good shit. I know I'm way behind on this one, especially for somebody who prides himself at being "in on the ground floor" for many other good shows.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

"24" Season 3, Episode 6

You are now in chat room "AIMisGaylicious." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (6:58:06 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (6:58:20 PM): a quick 24 before dinner... JihadJimmy858 (6:58:42 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (6:59:04 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (6:59:13 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (6:59:16 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (6:59:41 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:00:06 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:00:35 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:00 PM AND 7:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (7:02:20 PM): division taking over from ann-chick JihadJimmy858 (7:07:19 PM): Kim? Control her emotions? No Problem! JihadJimmy858 (7:12:50 PM): ooh, interrupting the Debate! JihadJimmy858 (7:20:40 PM): Too-Slow Chloe! JihadJimmy858 (7:27:33 PM): 06:41:46 JihadJimmy858 (7:27:42 PM): like i was saying, CTU: San Andreas JihadJimmy858 (7:27:51 PM): they just jacked a stallion JihadJimmy858 (7:28:59 PM): stupid president palmer... JACK BAUER knew he'd be hung out to dry... dumbfuck, or did you forget what you were told two hours ago in real-time? JihadJimmy858 (7:38:11 PM): dammit, no virus in KYLE SINGER?!? JihadJimmy858 (7:38:22 PM): this makes his failed suicide attempt even all the more shittier JihadJimmy858 (7:38:45 PM): wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus! JihadJimmy858 (7:39:29 PM): oops, and jack bauer was captured JihadJimmy858 (7:39:48 PM): stupid jack bauer... why wouldn't he think that he'd be walking into a trap? JihadJimmy858 (7:40:35 PM): and amazingly, Kim knows how to tool around w/the computer... JihadJimmy858 (7:41:10 PM): and of course images can be enhanced just like that JihadJimmy858 (7:41:24 PM): uh oh, it's the sleazy spanish CTU-mole JihadJimmy858 (7:41:33 PM): 07:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

I keep laughing at the Rescue Me commercial where the dude farts at the yoga gym

New episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia tonight. Although this has quickly become one of my favorites, I still like to think that Starved would've edged it out overall. Some quality shit on FX which you're likely not watching. So you should either start, or if you have already been following along, join me for a Live 3am Criticism one of these days...

The rerun episode after this new episode was in fact 3amC-ed last year and I did follow along with the 3amC while i watched the episode again. Kinda funny how my mindset changed between now and then. I like the characters more nowadays, and I didn't find them as annoying the second time.

Kaitlin Olson as "Sweet Dee" is quite the hottie now. Check out the recaps here to observe the Tio-Jaime-180.

The show has grown on me, what can I say? And it'll grow on you too, if you take the time to listen to your Tio Jaime's advice.

Tio Jaime

3am Criticism of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

You are now in chat room "AIMBlowsGoats." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (9:46:19 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (9:52:26 PM): waiting on The Hot Chick to finish up so we can welcome back It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to the 3am Criticism!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:54:03 PM): ahh, Sweet Sweet Rachel McAdams JihadJimmy858 (10:00:05 PM): and here we go JihadJimmy858 (10:00:06 PM): JihadJimmy858 (10:00:12 PM): TV MA LV JihadJimmy858 (10:00:28 PM): 11:15 AM JihadJimmy858 (10:00:31 PM): On a Monday JihadJimmy858 (10:00:35 PM): Phildelphia, PA JihadJimmy858 (10:01:40 PM): "The Gang Gives Back" JihadJimmy858 (10:01:50 PM): It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia JihadJimmy858 (10:02:11 PM): commercial JihadJimmy858 (10:03:34 PM): oh wonderful. Snakes on a Plane. JihadJimmy858 (10:03:57 PM): God damn Internet Fads JihadJimmy858 (10:04:41 PM): Chinese gambling? JihadJimmy858 (10:05:13 PM): Asians love gambling JihadJimmy858 (10:07:26 PM): ooh hi kaitlin olson's pants JihadJimmy858 (10:07:57 PM): I think i'd rather split you two up JihadJimmy858 (10:08:22 PM): oh it's the cute waitress JihadJimmy858 (10:08:31 PM): at the AA meeting JihadJimmy858 (10:09:26 PM): Please Charlie, please don't make me regret giving this to you... JihadJimmy858 (10:09:58 PM): LOL dennis picked the black kids JihadJimmy858 (10:12:05 PM): LOL take a lap JihadJimmy858 (10:12:25 PM): LOL i wanna be molested by Sweet Dee in those pants JihadJimmy858 (10:13:21 PM): I keep laughing at the Rescue Me commercial where the dude farts at the yoga gym JihadJimmy858 (10:19:52 PM): oh damn, Sweet Dee is goddam JihadJimmy858 (10:19:57 PM): goddam hot JihadJimmy858 (10:20:54 PM): the waitress has a Mac classic JihadJimmy858 (10:22:31 PM): oh she's cute JihadJimmy858 (10:22:39 PM): wearing boots, yessir JihadJimmy858 (10:26:21 PM): You know what? I don't have to talk to you, shithead JihadJimmy858 (10:27:01 PM): referee Charlie! JihadJimmy858 (10:29:31 PM): oh man that was a great episode JihadJimmy858 (10:29:51 PM): now it's a rerun from last season, lemme try to find it 3amC'ed on the SHoP... JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

CTU: San Andreas

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I got kinda excited when Kim was talking about Caltrans. Then I realized that she's retarded.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Tio Jaime's DVD of Episode 5 of Season 3 of "24" from Fox

You are now in chat room "AIMisaBunchofPigEffers." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (8:04:53 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (8:04:57 PM): time for more 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:05:09 PM): gonna be working out in the background, so this'll be short... JihadJimmy858 (8:05:40 PM): we're @ 5pm? JihadJimmy858 (8:07:07 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (8:07:39 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:07:44 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:07:56 PM): MICHELLE DESSLER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:13 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:33 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:48 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:09:32 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:00 PM AND 6:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (8:11:11 PM): ooh yeah prison riot time JihadJimmy858 (8:14:56 PM): ohhh, now you want the government guys to help you? ASS JihadJimmy858 (8:15:49 PM): Caltrans server!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:15:58 PM): (said kim) JihadJimmy858 (8:17:59 PM): OK that worked like charm JihadJimmy858 (8:18:09 PM): flank the 10 or so prisoners JihadJimmy858 (8:20:34 PM): LOL he's hanging himself JihadJimmy858 (8:20:47 PM): AND HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHETHER NOR NOT THE VIRUS DIES W/THE HOST? JihadJimmy858 (8:23:11 PM): yeah right like a CalTrans camera can do that... JihadJimmy858 (8:27:54 PM): OK i didn't think that guard was gonna die... JihadJimmy858 (8:32:04 PM): OR feeds from good samaritan? Oh, Right. JihadJimmy858 (8:32:12 PM): get it? OR = "Oh, Right" JihadJimmy858 (8:32:24 PM): TONY ALMEIDA!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:33:07 PM): well, if they have access to secret Caltrans servers... i'm sure Good Sam isn't a stretch at all... JihadJimmy858 (8:33:25 PM): so maybe they should give Chase some riot gear, i dunno... JihadJimmy858 (8:42:43 PM): Dualling Annoying CTU-C.U.N.T.S.!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:44:13 PM): Ann-Chick: "LET'S GET 'EM!" JihadJimmy858 (8:44:17 PM): i like her boobs JihadJimmy858 (8:45:57 PM): There's no crying at CTU! JihadJimmy858 (8:49:39 PM): that little shit KYLE SINGER didn't deserve to be saved JihadJimmy858 (8:49:52 PM): i can't hear you JihadJimmy858 (8:50:14 PM): ha ha JihadJimmy858 (8:50:47 PM): CTU: San Andreas JihadJimmy858 (8:51:06 PM): LOL, that was the Jack Bauer O RLY? shot JihadJimmy858 (8:51:12 PM): 6:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 PM AND 11:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Alternate post title:

oh shit, jack's going apeshit!

I decided on the "creepy spanish mole fag" one because it would likely piss off more people. That and the alternate title would probably conjure up some chuck norris-style jack bauer facts. How entertaining.

Now that I think about it, this next quote would've made a good post title too...

crazy gun toting mexicans!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of "24" Season 3, episode 4

You are now in chat room "AIMEatsMoosecock." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (10:09:30 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (10:11:44 PM): OK one more before bedtime JihadJimmy858 (10:11:58 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (10:12:09 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (10:12:23 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:12:33 PM): KIM BAUER JihadJimmy858 (10:12:36 PM): !!! JihadJimmy858 (10:12:40 PM): (whore city) JihadJimmy858 (10:12:51 PM): and really, what kind of stupid kim logic is that? JihadJimmy858 (10:12:53 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:10 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:24 PM): TONY ALMEIDA!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:42 PM): Oh man, I just shot TONY ALMEIDA in the face! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:51 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:00 PM AND 5:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (10:15:22 PM): God, Kim's hair is ugly JihadJimmy858 (10:15:33 PM): "Chloe, now is not a good time" JihadJimmy858 (10:15:51 PM): WTF, stupid kim, what the shit do you know about CTU? JihadJimmy858 (10:16:02 PM): ooh i like her ranking agents on site JihadJimmy858 (10:16:13 PM): that's not very CTU-appropriate attire JihadJimmy858 (10:17:13 PM): run, fucker! JihadJimmy858 (10:17:32 PM): 04:05:35 JihadJimmy858 (10:18:12 PM): yay! kim the stupid girlfriend! JihadJimmy858 (10:19:08 PM): wow, and all of a sudden Kim wants to follow rules and shit JihadJimmy858 (10:19:33 PM): goddamit, i like her boobs JihadJimmy858 (10:20:09 PM): 04:08:11 JihadJimmy858 (10:20:14 PM): 04:12:35 JihadJimmy858 (10:20:51 PM): president palmer is annoying JihadJimmy858 (10:22:24 PM): "this is your final answer, sir?" JihadJimmy858 (10:22:49 PM): 04:15:08 JihadJimmy858 (10:23:12 PM): damn, she's kind of ugly too JihadJimmy858 (10:23:23 PM): WTF is it w/all these ugly chicks on 24 this season? JihadJimmy858 (10:23:57 PM): ya dumb c-bag JihadJimmy858 (10:24:05 PM): ooh yeah momma JihadJimmy858 (10:24:25 PM): "how stupid am i!?" JihadJimmy858 (10:24:30 PM): oh shit JihadJimmy858 (10:24:34 PM): pissed of mexi-dudes JihadJimmy858 (10:25:19 PM): lower the casualties to 60-90k JihadJimmy858 (10:25:21 PM): ha ha JihadJimmy858 (10:25:55 PM): 04:18:12 JihadJimmy858 (10:26:24 PM): uh oh, is jack going renegade? JihadJimmy858 (10:26:31 PM): is jack going native? JihadJimmy858 (10:26:48 PM): well duh, jack's gonna break him out JihadJimmy858 (10:27:45 PM): jack's last assignment JihadJimmy858 (10:28:07 PM): g/l, mr PESIDENT JihadJimmy858 (10:28:10 PM): 04:20:29 JihadJimmy858 (10:28:15 PM): 04:24:53 JihadJimmy858 (10:29:09 PM): 04:25:45 JihadJimmy858 (10:30:49 PM): 04:27:25 JihadJimmy858 (10:33:11 PM): crazy gun toting mexicans! JihadJimmy858 (10:33:27 PM): damn, she's ugly JihadJimmy858 (10:33:34 PM): and why are they always speaking in english? JihadJimmy858 (10:33:55 PM): 04:30;33 JihadJimmy858 (10:37:19 PM): arrogant c-bag JihadJimmy858 (10:38:27 PM): 04:35:03 JihadJimmy858 (10:38:32 PM): 04:39:27 JihadJimmy858 (10:40:07 PM): i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag JihadJimmy858 (10:40:10 PM): 04:41:01 JihadJimmy858 (10:40:45 PM): Fuck! Kim, just STFU and follow the orders JihadJimmy858 (10:43:14 PM): dude, why are you pissing off JACK BAUER? not smart dude JihadJimmy858 (10:43:24 PM): 04:44:18 JihadJimmy858 (10:43:50 PM): i'd just shoot chase during the prison break JihadJimmy858 (10:43:58 PM): two birds, one stone JihadJimmy858 (10:46:09 PM): "lemme know when you start to worry" JihadJimmy858 (10:46:11 PM): 04:50:51 JihadJimmy858 (10:46:20 PM): that was so funny, i missed the out-time JihadJimmy858 (10:46:59 PM): stupid shit JihadJimmy858 (10:47:23 PM): heh JihadJimmy858 (10:47:29 PM): You going native on me, Jack? JihadJimmy858 (10:48:15 PM): 04:52:50 JihadJimmy858 (10:50:06 PM): 04:54:40 JihadJimmy858 (10:53:13 PM): agent BAUER, here to get his gun and badge JihadJimmy858 (10:54:03 PM): oh shit, jack's going apeshit! JihadJimmy858 (10:54:13 PM): oh shit, it's shotty-time! JihadJimmy858 (10:54:56 PM): uh oh JihadJimmy858 (10:55:23 PM): oh it's prison riot time! JihadJimmy858 (10:55:27 PM): 05:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 11:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Looks like your Tio Jaime is running late on these 3amC's again. Don't worry. You're not reading them anyway. And unfortunately, neither are the trolls. =(

Tio J

3am Criticism of "24", Season 3, Episode 3

You are now in chat room "AIMBlowsDeadBear." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (9:20:23 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (9:20:32 PM): apparently, AIM doesn't have a problem with that chat room name JihadJimmy858 (9:20:48 PM): time for more 24 JihadJimmy858 (9:22:08 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (9:22:10 PM): JihadJimmy858 (9:22:19 PM): and it looks like i had to press a button JihadJimmy858 (9:22:24 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (9:22:28 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:22:36 PM): (had to press a button...) JihadJimmy858 (9:22:41 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:22:47 PM): (whore city) JihadJimmy858 (9:22:59 PM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:23:15 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:23:22 PM): ooh bikini chick JihadJimmy858 (9:23:50 PM): HECTOR SALAZAR!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:24:13 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00PM AND 4:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (9:25:26 PM): crazy jack bauer! JihadJimmy858 (9:25:32 PM): he's shooting up now JihadJimmy858 (9:25:44 PM): whoops, didn't get a chance to JihadJimmy858 (9:26:43 PM): 95% lethal JihadJimmy858 (9:27:14 PM): gonna be about 8 minutes out JihadJimmy858 (9:27:21 PM): did she see his drugs? JihadJimmy858 (9:27:23 PM): rewinding JihadJimmy858 (9:29:36 PM): OK here's the deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (9:29:46 PM): ann-chick's boobs JihadJimmy858 (9:29:52 PM): and then the mexi-skank JihadJimmy858 (9:31:59 PM): 03:07:20-something? JihadJimmy858 (9:32:27 PM): aww yeah horseracing lie! JihadJimmy858 (9:34:04 PM): 03:09:43 JihadJimmy858 (9:35:25 PM): that mom's kinda MILF-y JihadJimmy858 (9:36:15 PM): ooh JihadJimmy858 (9:36:19 PM): 03:11:56 JihadJimmy858 (9:36:23 PM): 03:16:22 JihadJimmy858 (9:36:38 PM): (the bag was opened in front of a fan) JihadJimmy858 (9:37:45 PM): YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT YOU STUPID C-BAG JihadJimmy858 (9:38:02 PM): 03:11:57 JihadJimmy858 (9:39:22 PM): "University" of $outhern California JihadJimmy858 (9:40:00 PM): i like how all the black people in 24 talk like white people JihadJimmy858 (9:40:44 PM): and i seem to recall this agent getting killed by the guard JihadJimmy858 (9:42:50 PM): oh yeah, the prison guard's son was kidnapped or something JihadJimmy858 (9:43:14 PM): slap her! JihadJimmy858 (9:43:21 PM): MILF-y slap! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:04 PM): the virus is out! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:11 PM): in the sewer system! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:14 PM): Level 3 Hot Zone! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:17 PM): 03:24:15 JihadJimmy858 (9:44:24 PM): 03:28:27 JihadJimmy858 (9:45:46 PM): "i'm not sherry" JihadJimmy858 (9:46:10 PM): 03:30:25 JihadJimmy858 (9:47:46 PM): 03:31:59 JihadJimmy858 (9:50:50 PM): ooh, maybe the virus was sent over in a live host? JihadJimmy858 (9:50:56 PM): 03:35:09 JihadJimmy858 (9:52:21 PM): 03:36:48 JihadJimmy858 (9:52:27 PM): 03:41:02 JihadJimmy858 (9:54:30 PM): wow. how dramatic. gotta pay some hush-money. JihadJimmy858 (9:54:33 PM): 03:43:05 JihadJimmy858 (9:54:42 PM): so dramatic that I started dozing off JihadJimmy858 (9:55:29 PM): 858-555-0103 JihadJimmy858 (9:55:42 PM): that's MILF-y's cell phone number JihadJimmy858 (9:56:28 PM): 03:45:01 JihadJimmy858 (9:58:33 PM): he's at some mall JihadJimmy858 (9:58:47 PM): MILF-y: "Please help our son!" JihadJimmy858 (9:59:22 PM): "did you do something to piss off jack?" JihadJimmy858 (10:00:03 PM): oh yeah, dumbass, touch Tony Almeida JihadJimmy858 (10:00:26 PM): 03:48:55 JihadJimmy858 (10:00:29 PM): 03:53:08 JihadJimmy858 (10:01:35 PM): you stupid C-bag, why must youalways run over to comfort your tard of a BF? JihadJimmy858 (10:02:05 PM): "The only other option is for us to stop seeing each other. blah blah blah. that's not an option" JihadJimmy858 (10:02:07 PM): dumb C JihadJimmy858 (10:02:43 PM): 03:55:34 JihadJimmy858 (10:04:41 PM): 03:46:41 JihadJimmy858 (10:04:46 PM): i mean 03:57:41 JihadJimmy858 (10:05:47 PM): "My name's Tony Almeida" JihadJimmy858 (10:06:06 PM): Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face! JihadJimmy858 (10:07:00 PM): 04:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

Fuck you, Gold Country Casino

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day
Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Went on another indian casino junket w/my grandma again. Pai Gow Poker was not kind. Again. A fucking buttload of Pai Gows to start off, and I'm down $50 in like 30 minutes. Never hit that hot streak like i wanted to, and the progression never got past 6 units. I won on 3 units only once. WTF.

And I'm not even pissed off about the Pai Gows either. Toward the end, I had three hands of Two Pairs, and each lost.

Tio Jaime: Pair of 3's and a Pair of 5's, with A-Q Low.
Gold Country Casino: Pair of 6's and a Pair of 8's, A-K Low. ASSHOLES.

Tio Jaime: Jacks and Eights.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens. FUCK YOU, GOLD COUNTRY.

Tio Jaime: Aces and Jacks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens.
Kickers: Tio Jaime's Queen loses to Gold Country's King. GO EAT A BIG ONE YOU INDIAN FUCKS.

Yeah. Fucking assholes. My Aces didn't win, they didn't even push. They fucking lost. I'm not going to explain it, so if you're still playing catch-up, go visit bodog and The Wizard of Odds and see why this is shitty. Also, please to be visiting those two sites if you're still trying to figure out whether or not I split the Jacks and Eights or even the Aces and Jacks in those last two hands.

If you're SixHertz and still lost, you can even give me a call and I'd be happy to explain it to you. Not that you'll listen.

Still reading? Then I have a treat for you because you're obviously a Degenerate Gambler like myself. Check this out-- I was dealt what is literally the shittiest hand possible in Pai Gow Poker!

Pai Gow, 9-High!

Do I need to explain why the 9-High is the lowest possible hand in Pai Gow Poker, SixH Citizen SHoPpers? Think low, think no straights.

Oh, almost forgot: Gold Country Casino sucks because 1) they don't allow cigars, and 2) it's a major hassle just to claim your free money. Almost not worth it, seeing as to how my time would've been better spent waiting in line for an open spot at the tables...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="2252">
And really, it's only fitting that he who introduced Tio Jaime to strip clubs and bodog.com chime in...

that chick would make a good stripper

7:47:13 PM MwHCock: post a SHoP update 7:47:14 PM TioJaime (Autoreply): Watching TV/Movie 7:48:14 PM TioJaime: i'll have some soon 10:09:00 PM MwHCock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDabp9h7ZOY 10:09:50 PM TioJaime: why do i want to go to the zoo all of a sudden? 10:10:15 PM MwHCock: that chick would make a good stripper 10:10:39 PM TioJaime: probably already is. you ever watch Beauty and the Geek? 10:10:48 PM MwHCock: no 10:10:50 PM TioJaime: check out how many of the Beauties are "cocktail waitresses" MwHCock went away (10:15:14 PM) Away Message: Late night In-N-Out Burger run (10:15:15 PM) MwHCock went idle (10:33:25 PM) 10:46:32 PM poke00210: there. three new posts.

</update>

How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 10:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

two wild and crazy civil engineers
9:06:55 PM TioJ: you know how when I watch my DVDs of The Shield, I wanna join the LAPD? 9:07:00 PM TioJ: i wanna join CTU now. 9:07:36 PM ProfShewseffi: hahaha

In hindsight, maybe my radiophilia explains my fondness for NewsRadio. Any coincidence that this engineer's favorite TV show growing up was MacGyver? And if you were ever curious, Heather Locklear in TJ Hooker is why I have a thing for women in uniform nowadays.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3amC of 24 (Season 3), episode 2

You are now in chat room "BiteMeAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (8:21:07 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (8:21:20 PM): OK so i even forgot how to set up these chats JihadJimmy858 (8:21:38 PM): next episode of 24... ooh, deleted scenes and alternate takes! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:01 PM): and now... a 3am Criticism of 24, Season 3! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:07 PM): here we go... JihadJimmy858 (8:22:25 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:22:32 PM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:55 PM): HECTOR SALAZAR! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:07 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:16 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:24 PM): KIM BAUER! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:35 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:40 PM): (it's about fucking time) JihadJimmy858 (8:24:04 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (8:24:16 PM): (so... do events occur in real time?) JihadJimmy858 (8:30:25 PM): you clueless whore... "Because it's not a big deal?" yay! Stupid Kim Time! Let's not listen to the men in your life *AGAIN* JihadJimmy858 (8:32:11 PM): OK. WHORE CITY JihadJimmy858 (8:32:22 PM): WTF did your stupid shit boyfriend just tell you? JihadJimmy858 (8:32:55 PM): How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are. JihadJimmy858 (8:33:05 PM): But no, you're a goddam computer genius. I forgot. JihadJimmy858 (8:35:00 PM): ooh yeah bikini chicks JihadJimmy858 (8:35:24 PM): 02:13:05 JihadJimmy858 (8:35:29 PM): ooh, a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:35:34 PM): 02:17:36 JihadJimmy858 (8:42:37 PM): 02:24:39 JihadJimmy858 (8:44:15 PM): 02:26:17 JihadJimmy858 (8:44:22 PM): 02:30:43 JihadJimmy858 (8:48:54 PM): Las Nieves, Northern Mexico JihadJimmy858 (8:50:39 PM): they could've chosen a hotter mexi-chick. she's kinda ugly. JihadJimmy858 (8:51:37 PM): "Umm, OK, you don't have to yell..." JihadJimmy858 (8:51:47 PM): stupid chloe. everybody whispers in 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:52:30 PM): 02:38:50 JihadJimmy858 (8:52:34 PM): 02:43:16 JihadJimmy858 (8:53:28 PM): ooh a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:53:49 PM): h aha, he got pistol whipped in the face JihadJimmy858 (8:53:52 PM): ooh, a shotgun JihadJimmy858 (8:54:00 PM): FUCK YOU DRUG DEALER JihadJimmy858 (8:54:59 PM): how did jack miss him? JihadJimmy858 (8:55:03 PM): Shut up, Stupid! JihadJimmy858 (8:55:34 PM): LOL JihadJimmy858 (8:55:43 PM): Chase stepped on the dude's GSW JihadJimmy858 (8:56:05 PM): whoa, ten grand to move a bag of coke JihadJimmy858 (8:56:09 PM): Kyle, Kyle Singer! JihadJimmy858 (8:56:16 PM): 02:46:50 JihadJimmy858 (8:56:18 PM): and a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:57:12 PM): ooh yeah bikini chick going through Kyle's shit JihadJimmy858 (8:58:18 PM): 02:48:55 JihadJimmy858 (8:58:23 PM): 02:53:22 JihadJimmy858 (8:58:35 PM): oh hi bikini chick JihadJimmy858 (9:03:10 PM): 02:58:05 JihadJimmy858 (9:03:47 PM): Ooh the Race Card a/o the Girlfriend Card? JihadJimmy858 (9:05:00 PM): Ooh, it's a CTU mole! JihadJimmy858 (9:05:19 PM): and only in the second episode JihadJimmy858 (9:05:37 PM): 03:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."

I'm too lazy to find you older posts where I 3am Criticized my DVD of 24. Maybe in the future. Or you can check out the archives to your left, or even at Tio Jaime: Aleph One. In the meantime, I've gotta catch up with Season 3 while the only good thing on TV is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"i don't wanna be plugging any holes"
wow they could've cast somebody younger and hotter for Sweet Dee
wow this episode fluctuates between fuckign hilarious and turn-this-shit-off-right-the-fuck-now rather quickly
Sweet Dee = butterface
and she just adjusted himself
and Sweet Dee is ugly
and you kinda have gross hands too
and i missed the punchline becuase i fell asleep

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

There. Some very good examples of what the 3amC is supposed to resemble.

Although if you read my 3am Criticisms of IASiP's debut season, it didn't get very good reviews here on the SHoP. I'm pleased to announce that it's sophomore season got off to a rip roaring start, and actually is the jewel of the Tio Jaime Network. And Kaitlin Olson is looking better and better. If you can, check out reruns of last week's episode where she was on steroids. And the week before, when she was a crackhead. She's pretty cute. I'm not being sarcastic here.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of the Season 3 Premiere of Fox's 24, starring JACK BAUER!

JihadJimmy858 (7:23:53 PM): hello dere! JihadJimmy858 (7:24:13 PM): OK so we haven't done this in a while... JihadJimmy858 (7:24:32 PM): and i think i've forgotten all of the witticisms... JihadJimmy858 (7:25:01 PM): BUT PLEASE TO BE WELCOMING THE 3AM CRITICISMS BACK TO THE SIXHERTZ HOUSE OF PAIN!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:25:30 PM): Here's the season premiere of 24, Season 3... on DVD JihadJimmy858 (7:25:36 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (7:26:12 PM): this in widescreen? JihadJimmy858 (7:26:33 PM): oops, president david palmer collapsed JihadJimmy858 (7:26:44 PM): shook assassin-chick's hand or something... JihadJimmy858 (7:26:51 PM): THREE YEARS LATER JihadJimmy858 (7:26:59 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (7:27:02 PM): EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME JihadJimmy858 (7:27:38 PM): oops, my gyro was upside-down JihadJimmy858 (7:28:10 PM): unmarked Old School van JihadJimmy858 (7:28:30 PM): dropping off a body, setting charges JihadJimmy858 (7:29:04 PM): oh it's Jack Bauer! JihadJimmy858 (7:29:19 PM): and some little shit kid! JihadJimmy858 (7:30:02 PM): it's don somebody-or-other from Kingpin JihadJimmy858 (7:31:11 PM): pausing for more rootbeer JihadJimmy858 (7:31:56 PM): well, didn't pause it... JihadJimmy858 (7:33:20 PM): uh oh JihadJimmy858 (7:33:27 PM): he stabbed his lawyer in the neck JihadJimmy858 (7:33:35 PM): open the door! do it now! JihadJimmy858 (7:34:11 PM): hmm... what happens next is on you, Jack JihadJimmy858 (7:35:00 PM): heh, i heard the 24 ring JihadJimmy858 (7:35:05 PM): and fuck $C JihadJimmy858 (7:35:13 PM): oh it's chloe o'brien JihadJimmy858 (7:35:20 PM): i've heard of her JihadJimmy858 (7:36:56 PM): ann-chick is hotter though JihadJimmy858 (7:38:13 PM): 01:14:06 JihadJimmy858 (7:38:22 PM): "University" of $outhern California JihadJimmy858 (7:38:56 PM): Oh, it's President David Palmer! JihadJimmy858 (7:41:44 PM): oh yay kate warner JihadJimmy858 (7:44:31 PM): i keep thinking that the 24 ring is my Adium program JihadJimmy858 (7:44:37 PM): Oh, it's Kim Bauer! JihadJimmy858 (7:44:45 PM): fuck, she has shitty hair in this season JihadJimmy858 (7:45:19 PM): Las Nieves, Northern Mexico JihadJimmy858 (7:47:27 PM): right, and Kim's a fucking computer genius now JihadJimmy858 (7:48:28 PM): 01:25:20 JihadJimmy858 (7:49:39 PM): i'm gonna work on a pai gow post in the background JihadJimmy858 (7:49:58 PM): 01:26:54 JihadJimmy858 (7:51:01 PM): wow, he picked Kim in a bad-hair year JihadJimmy858 (7:51:50 PM): they sure gayed up 24 in this season JihadJimmy858 (7:53:12 PM): 01:30:06 JihadJimmy858 (7:53:48 PM): who is that mom? JihadJimmy858 (7:54:14 PM): was she the bank teller in The Girl Next Door? JihadJimmy858 (8:00:05 PM): 01:38:00 JihadJimmy858 (8:05:44 PM): 01:44:42 JihadJimmy858 (8:06:55 PM): the correct response is: "you wanna know what real Hurt is?" JihadJimmy858 (8:07:44 PM): 01:46:41 JihadJimmy858 (8:08:23 PM): ooh bikini-chicks JihadJimmy858 (8:11:23 PM): "It's just gonna be another one of those days..." JihadJimmy858 (8:11:25 PM): heh, no shit JihadJimmy858 (8:11:40 PM): ooh Presidential Jungle Fever, eh? JihadJimmy858 (8:11:51 PM): 01:52:45 JihadJimmy858 (8:16:59 PM): oh yes JihadJimmy858 (8:17:02 PM): 02:00:00

Maxim magazine is a bunch of ignorant choadstains

Yes, a huge part of it is that Christopher Titus made this list at #11. I think that these retard Maxim editors just aren't capable of fully appreciating California humor.

Useless list of "The Worst" Stand-up Comedians of All Time

A smaller part of it is that they chose some stand-up comedians who nobody cares about anyway. Sandra Bernhard? Paula Poundstone? Yakov Smirnoff? Judy Tenuta? How late-80s and early-90s of you.

Some good points to be made on this list, like Margaret Cho. Whoopi Goldberg. They both suck beyond belief. And really the only people who like them have dull minds. (A nod, btw, to the old adage that Baseball is dull only to those with dull minds.)

Some obvious ones who will eternally suck more than Judy Tenuta and Paula Poundstone-- did Pauly Shore and Carrot Top completely slip everybody's mind? Colin Quinn?

My major gripe with this Maxim mind-diarrhea is that Mitch Hedburg didn't make #1. Didn't even make the list. People (a handful of my close friends included) think that he's hilarious, but seriously, the guy's a complete jagoff. Here's an excerpt from the wikipedia entry about him...

excerpt from Mitch Hedburg
Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his odd subject matter, stylistic elocution and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Odd subject matter? He spoke about everything else that other shitty comedians talk about. Stylistic elocution? That's just a nice way of saying that he sucked so much dead bear that people pitied him and eventually were afraid of declaring disdain for his pathetic excuse of stand-up for fear that people would call them philistine and uncultured.

more on Mitch Hedburg

His onstage persona, though slightly nervous, was always quite endearing; he would happily joke with the audience if they hadn't reacted particularly well to a joke. He was happy to criticise his own weaker jokes, such as his statement on Strategic Grill Locations: "That joke was just a carbon copy of the last joke." His jokes ranged from compact one- or two-liners ("I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.") to slightly longer material (usually with multiple punchlines) in which he would take everyday ideas or situations and pick out certain aspects at which to poke humor (the Dufrenes joke is a good example of this).

Umm, yeah. I read the Dufrenes joke. It sucked. It had the potential to be a funny joke, but definitely not in the hands of Mitch Hedburg. God, I can see his shitty delivery in my mind. I'm just thankful he's dead such that he can't come up with newer, shittier material.

Ooh, one- and two-liners? Yeah, those are perfect for basketball fans who have attention spans rivalling those of cheerleaders.

Check out some of his material, either read the quotes or find videos. If you can make it through more than ten minutes then you're a better SHoPper than I.

Anycrap, Maxim editors can go Eat a Big One. Ironically enough, I bought a Maxim today before lunch so I would have something to read. And then I read this shit on gorillamask? The WSU Cougars and their shitty alums can go Eat Big Ones as well.

There. There's a one-liner non sequitur for you. I guarantee that 100% of you Little Brains won't understand it, and that's just the way I like it. Go hasten your brain's transformation into mush and watch some Mitch Hedburg on YouTube or something...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Now if he'd been able to use his hands...

Found this story...

Seattle Times: Oregon boy dies in freak soccer accident

Although I have to admit that I did get caught up in a bit of the World Cup madness. Not because I played soccer one summer when I was like 10, but because of the world community coming together... and painting or otherwise slutting-up the world's nubile women.

Playboy Soccer Team for the World Cup 2006
Sexy Soccer Fans From The WorldCup 2006 in Germany
World Cup (I always like these. --TJ)
Brazil Playboy Soccer (You wanna know how to make the word "soccer" more appealing to Americans? Stick the words "Brazil" and "Playboy" in front of it. Really, stick those words in front of any word and you'll do fine. --TJ)
Keeley Hazell

I was about to just let the Brazilian chick have the entire post when I took the time to find out that Italy had won. They deserve a hotchick nod-- it's only fitting.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<hotchick>

</hotchick>

Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

The two third and fourth permalinks above? I put those there because the first third one talks about playing Pai Gow Poker with Maggie the Cat, and the last one talks about the progression I was using on bodog.com which can be modified for craps, yes, but in its original form works very well for Pai Gow Poker. Unless your 30% of losing hands comes fast and furious and knocks you out before any of your 41% of push hands or 29% of winning hands make an appearance.

Pai Gow Poker is a pretty cool game. In no way does skill at poker translate to skill at Pai Gow Poker-- it's all raw, stupid luck. There are some strategies, but like i've told you good Citizen SHoPpers and infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi, "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week."

And speaking of Trosama min Asi, btw, a special thanks to all of Tio Jaime's friends who aren't going to read this because they're busy reading other, stupider shit which doesn't even offer any practical analysis on something which they might enjoy, like oh I don't know-- Craps, perchance? No, no, no. Gotta read something on Salon, or about how some chick is running a regression on why dudes aren't calling her back depending on which base she let them get to.

What's even better is when one of Tio Jaime's friends e-mails him asking him to read some poem he posted on some obscure blog. And fully acknowledges that his SHoPping has been very infrequent, but asks Tio Jaime to overlook this inequity.

Back to the Pai Gow Poker. All raw, stupid luck I sez...

lucky you, bodog.com...

Pigfuckers. The goddam straight flush didn't win. Not with a 6-4 Low Hand. You like that? You'll love this one...

eff you, bodog.com...

And with that title attribute, I've found a new post title. Also gotta add two older recap posts about Insaniquarium. Check em out, you probably haven't read them. And then go play Insaniquarium.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith