wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag
CTU: San Andreas

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Good shit. I know I'm way behind on this one, especially for somebody who prides himself at being "in on the ground floor" for many other good shows.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

"24" Season 3, Episode 6

You are now in chat room "AIMisGaylicious." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (6:58:06 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (6:58:20 PM): a quick 24 before dinner... JihadJimmy858 (6:58:42 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (6:59:04 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (6:59:13 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (6:59:16 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (6:59:41 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:00:06 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:00:35 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 6:00 PM AND 7:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (7:02:20 PM): division taking over from ann-chick JihadJimmy858 (7:07:19 PM): Kim? Control her emotions? No Problem! JihadJimmy858 (7:12:50 PM): ooh, interrupting the Debate! JihadJimmy858 (7:20:40 PM): Too-Slow Chloe! JihadJimmy858 (7:27:33 PM): 06:41:46 JihadJimmy858 (7:27:42 PM): like i was saying, CTU: San Andreas JihadJimmy858 (7:27:51 PM): they just jacked a stallion JihadJimmy858 (7:28:59 PM): stupid president palmer... JACK BAUER knew he'd be hung out to dry... dumbfuck, or did you forget what you were told two hours ago in real-time? JihadJimmy858 (7:38:11 PM): dammit, no virus in KYLE SINGER?!? JihadJimmy858 (7:38:22 PM): this makes his failed suicide attempt even all the more shittier JihadJimmy858 (7:38:45 PM): wouldn't that have been cool if he'd hanged himself, and surprise! no virus! JihadJimmy858 (7:39:29 PM): oops, and jack bauer was captured JihadJimmy858 (7:39:48 PM): stupid jack bauer... why wouldn't he think that he'd be walking into a trap? JihadJimmy858 (7:40:35 PM): and amazingly, Kim knows how to tool around w/the computer... JihadJimmy858 (7:41:10 PM): and of course images can be enhanced just like that JihadJimmy858 (7:41:24 PM): uh oh, it's the sleazy spanish CTU-mole JihadJimmy858 (7:41:33 PM): 07:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

I keep laughing at the Rescue Me commercial where the dude farts at the yoga gym

New episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia tonight. Although this has quickly become one of my favorites, I still like to think that Starved would've edged it out overall. Some quality shit on FX which you're likely not watching. So you should either start, or if you have already been following along, join me for a Live 3am Criticism one of these days...

The rerun episode after this new episode was in fact 3amC-ed last year and I did follow along with the 3amC while i watched the episode again. Kinda funny how my mindset changed between now and then. I like the characters more nowadays, and I didn't find them as annoying the second time.

Kaitlin Olson as "Sweet Dee" is quite the hottie now. Check out the recaps here to observe the Tio-Jaime-180.

The show has grown on me, what can I say? And it'll grow on you too, if you take the time to listen to your Tio Jaime's advice.

Tio Jaime

3am Criticism of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

You are now in chat room "AIMBlowsGoats." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (9:46:19 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (9:52:26 PM): waiting on The Hot Chick to finish up so we can welcome back It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia to the 3am Criticism!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:54:03 PM): ahh, Sweet Sweet Rachel McAdams JihadJimmy858 (10:00:05 PM): and here we go JihadJimmy858 (10:00:06 PM): JihadJimmy858 (10:00:12 PM): TV MA LV JihadJimmy858 (10:00:28 PM): 11:15 AM JihadJimmy858 (10:00:31 PM): On a Monday JihadJimmy858 (10:00:35 PM): Phildelphia, PA JihadJimmy858 (10:01:40 PM): "The Gang Gives Back" JihadJimmy858 (10:01:50 PM): It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia JihadJimmy858 (10:02:11 PM): commercial JihadJimmy858 (10:03:34 PM): oh wonderful. Snakes on a Plane. JihadJimmy858 (10:03:57 PM): God damn Internet Fads JihadJimmy858 (10:04:41 PM): Chinese gambling? JihadJimmy858 (10:05:13 PM): Asians love gambling JihadJimmy858 (10:07:26 PM): ooh hi kaitlin olson's pants JihadJimmy858 (10:07:57 PM): I think i'd rather split you two up JihadJimmy858 (10:08:22 PM): oh it's the cute waitress JihadJimmy858 (10:08:31 PM): at the AA meeting JihadJimmy858 (10:09:26 PM): Please Charlie, please don't make me regret giving this to you... JihadJimmy858 (10:09:58 PM): LOL dennis picked the black kids JihadJimmy858 (10:12:05 PM): LOL take a lap JihadJimmy858 (10:12:25 PM): LOL i wanna be molested by Sweet Dee in those pants JihadJimmy858 (10:13:21 PM): I keep laughing at the Rescue Me commercial where the dude farts at the yoga gym JihadJimmy858 (10:19:52 PM): oh damn, Sweet Dee is goddam JihadJimmy858 (10:19:57 PM): goddam hot JihadJimmy858 (10:20:54 PM): the waitress has a Mac classic JihadJimmy858 (10:22:31 PM): oh she's cute JihadJimmy858 (10:22:39 PM): wearing boots, yessir JihadJimmy858 (10:26:21 PM): You know what? I don't have to talk to you, shithead JihadJimmy858 (10:27:01 PM): referee Charlie! JihadJimmy858 (10:29:31 PM): oh man that was a great episode JihadJimmy858 (10:29:51 PM): now it's a rerun from last season, lemme try to find it 3amC'ed on the SHoP... JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

CTU: San Andreas

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!
i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

I got kinda excited when Kim was talking about Caltrans. Then I realized that she's retarded.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Tio Jaime's DVD of Episode 5 of Season 3 of "24" from Fox

You are now in chat room "AIMisaBunchofPigEffers." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (8:04:53 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (8:04:57 PM): time for more 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:05:09 PM): gonna be working out in the background, so this'll be short... JihadJimmy858 (8:05:40 PM): we're @ 5pm? JihadJimmy858 (8:07:07 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (8:07:39 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:07:44 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:07:56 PM): MICHELLE DESSLER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:13 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:33 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:08:48 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:09:32 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 5:00 PM AND 6:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (8:11:11 PM): ooh yeah prison riot time JihadJimmy858 (8:14:56 PM): ohhh, now you want the government guys to help you? ASS JihadJimmy858 (8:15:49 PM): Caltrans server!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:15:58 PM): (said kim) JihadJimmy858 (8:17:59 PM): OK that worked like charm JihadJimmy858 (8:18:09 PM): flank the 10 or so prisoners JihadJimmy858 (8:20:34 PM): LOL he's hanging himself JihadJimmy858 (8:20:47 PM): AND HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHETHER NOR NOT THE VIRUS DIES W/THE HOST? JihadJimmy858 (8:23:11 PM): yeah right like a CalTrans camera can do that... JihadJimmy858 (8:27:54 PM): OK i didn't think that guard was gonna die... JihadJimmy858 (8:32:04 PM): OR feeds from good samaritan? Oh, Right. JihadJimmy858 (8:32:12 PM): get it? OR = "Oh, Right" JihadJimmy858 (8:32:24 PM): TONY ALMEIDA!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:33:07 PM): well, if they have access to secret Caltrans servers... i'm sure Good Sam isn't a stretch at all... JihadJimmy858 (8:33:25 PM): so maybe they should give Chase some riot gear, i dunno... JihadJimmy858 (8:42:43 PM): Dualling Annoying CTU-C.U.N.T.S.!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:44:13 PM): Ann-Chick: "LET'S GET 'EM!" JihadJimmy858 (8:44:17 PM): i like her boobs JihadJimmy858 (8:45:57 PM): There's no crying at CTU! JihadJimmy858 (8:49:39 PM): that little shit KYLE SINGER didn't deserve to be saved JihadJimmy858 (8:49:52 PM): i can't hear you JihadJimmy858 (8:50:14 PM): ha ha JihadJimmy858 (8:50:47 PM): CTU: San Andreas JihadJimmy858 (8:51:06 PM): LOL, that was the Jack Bauer O RLY? shot JihadJimmy858 (8:51:12 PM): 6:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.
Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 10:00 PM AND 11:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Alternate post title:

oh shit, jack's going apeshit!

I decided on the "creepy spanish mole fag" one because it would likely piss off more people. That and the alternate title would probably conjure up some chuck norris-style jack bauer facts. How entertaining.

Now that I think about it, this next quote would've made a good post title too...

crazy gun toting mexicans!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of "24" Season 3, episode 4

You are now in chat room "AIMEatsMoosecock." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (10:09:30 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (10:11:44 PM): OK one more before bedtime JihadJimmy858 (10:11:58 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (10:12:09 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (10:12:23 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:12:33 PM): KIM BAUER JihadJimmy858 (10:12:36 PM): !!! JihadJimmy858 (10:12:40 PM): (whore city) JihadJimmy858 (10:12:51 PM): and really, what kind of stupid kim logic is that? JihadJimmy858 (10:12:53 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:10 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:24 PM): TONY ALMEIDA!!! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:42 PM): Oh man, I just shot TONY ALMEIDA in the face! JihadJimmy858 (10:13:51 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:00 PM AND 5:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (10:15:22 PM): God, Kim's hair is ugly JihadJimmy858 (10:15:33 PM): "Chloe, now is not a good time" JihadJimmy858 (10:15:51 PM): WTF, stupid kim, what the shit do you know about CTU? JihadJimmy858 (10:16:02 PM): ooh i like her ranking agents on site JihadJimmy858 (10:16:13 PM): that's not very CTU-appropriate attire JihadJimmy858 (10:17:13 PM): run, fucker! JihadJimmy858 (10:17:32 PM): 04:05:35 JihadJimmy858 (10:18:12 PM): yay! kim the stupid girlfriend! JihadJimmy858 (10:19:08 PM): wow, and all of a sudden Kim wants to follow rules and shit JihadJimmy858 (10:19:33 PM): goddamit, i like her boobs JihadJimmy858 (10:20:09 PM): 04:08:11 JihadJimmy858 (10:20:14 PM): 04:12:35 JihadJimmy858 (10:20:51 PM): president palmer is annoying JihadJimmy858 (10:22:24 PM): "this is your final answer, sir?" JihadJimmy858 (10:22:49 PM): 04:15:08 JihadJimmy858 (10:23:12 PM): damn, she's kind of ugly too JihadJimmy858 (10:23:23 PM): WTF is it w/all these ugly chicks on 24 this season? JihadJimmy858 (10:23:57 PM): ya dumb c-bag JihadJimmy858 (10:24:05 PM): ooh yeah momma JihadJimmy858 (10:24:25 PM): "how stupid am i!?" JihadJimmy858 (10:24:30 PM): oh shit JihadJimmy858 (10:24:34 PM): pissed of mexi-dudes JihadJimmy858 (10:25:19 PM): lower the casualties to 60-90k JihadJimmy858 (10:25:21 PM): ha ha JihadJimmy858 (10:25:55 PM): 04:18:12 JihadJimmy858 (10:26:24 PM): uh oh, is jack going renegade? JihadJimmy858 (10:26:31 PM): is jack going native? JihadJimmy858 (10:26:48 PM): well duh, jack's gonna break him out JihadJimmy858 (10:27:45 PM): jack's last assignment JihadJimmy858 (10:28:07 PM): g/l, mr PESIDENT JihadJimmy858 (10:28:10 PM): 04:20:29 JihadJimmy858 (10:28:15 PM): 04:24:53 JihadJimmy858 (10:29:09 PM): 04:25:45 JihadJimmy858 (10:30:49 PM): 04:27:25 JihadJimmy858 (10:33:11 PM): crazy gun toting mexicans! JihadJimmy858 (10:33:27 PM): damn, she's ugly JihadJimmy858 (10:33:34 PM): and why are they always speaking in english? JihadJimmy858 (10:33:55 PM): 04:30;33 JihadJimmy858 (10:37:19 PM): arrogant c-bag JihadJimmy858 (10:38:27 PM): 04:35:03 JihadJimmy858 (10:38:32 PM): 04:39:27 JihadJimmy858 (10:40:07 PM): i don't like that creepy spanish mole fag JihadJimmy858 (10:40:10 PM): 04:41:01 JihadJimmy858 (10:40:45 PM): Fuck! Kim, just STFU and follow the orders JihadJimmy858 (10:43:14 PM): dude, why are you pissing off JACK BAUER? not smart dude JihadJimmy858 (10:43:24 PM): 04:44:18 JihadJimmy858 (10:43:50 PM): i'd just shoot chase during the prison break JihadJimmy858 (10:43:58 PM): two birds, one stone JihadJimmy858 (10:46:09 PM): "lemme know when you start to worry" JihadJimmy858 (10:46:11 PM): 04:50:51 JihadJimmy858 (10:46:20 PM): that was so funny, i missed the out-time JihadJimmy858 (10:46:59 PM): stupid shit JihadJimmy858 (10:47:23 PM): heh JihadJimmy858 (10:47:29 PM): You going native on me, Jack? JihadJimmy858 (10:48:15 PM): 04:52:50 JihadJimmy858 (10:50:06 PM): 04:54:40 JihadJimmy858 (10:53:13 PM): agent BAUER, here to get his gun and badge JihadJimmy858 (10:54:03 PM): oh shit, jack's going apeshit! JihadJimmy858 (10:54:13 PM): oh shit, it's shotty-time! JihadJimmy858 (10:54:56 PM): uh oh JihadJimmy858 (10:55:23 PM): oh it's prison riot time! JihadJimmy858 (10:55:27 PM): 05:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."
How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 9:00 PM AND 11:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Looks like your Tio Jaime is running late on these 3amC's again. Don't worry. You're not reading them anyway. And unfortunately, neither are the trolls. =(

Tio J

3am Criticism of "24", Season 3, Episode 3

You are now in chat room "AIMBlowsDeadBear." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (9:20:23 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (9:20:32 PM): apparently, AIM doesn't have a problem with that chat room name JihadJimmy858 (9:20:48 PM): time for more 24 JihadJimmy858 (9:22:08 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (9:22:10 PM): JihadJimmy858 (9:22:19 PM): and it looks like i had to press a button JihadJimmy858 (9:22:24 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (9:22:28 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:22:36 PM): (had to press a button...) JihadJimmy858 (9:22:41 PM): KIM BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:22:47 PM): (whore city) JihadJimmy858 (9:22:59 PM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:23:15 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:23:22 PM): ooh bikini chick JihadJimmy858 (9:23:50 PM): HECTOR SALAZAR!!! JihadJimmy858 (9:24:13 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00PM AND 4:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (9:25:26 PM): crazy jack bauer! JihadJimmy858 (9:25:32 PM): he's shooting up now JihadJimmy858 (9:25:44 PM): whoops, didn't get a chance to JihadJimmy858 (9:26:43 PM): 95% lethal JihadJimmy858 (9:27:14 PM): gonna be about 8 minutes out JihadJimmy858 (9:27:21 PM): did she see his drugs? JihadJimmy858 (9:27:23 PM): rewinding JihadJimmy858 (9:29:36 PM): OK here's the deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (9:29:46 PM): ann-chick's boobs JihadJimmy858 (9:29:52 PM): and then the mexi-skank JihadJimmy858 (9:31:59 PM): 03:07:20-something? JihadJimmy858 (9:32:27 PM): aww yeah horseracing lie! JihadJimmy858 (9:34:04 PM): 03:09:43 JihadJimmy858 (9:35:25 PM): that mom's kinda MILF-y JihadJimmy858 (9:36:15 PM): ooh JihadJimmy858 (9:36:19 PM): 03:11:56 JihadJimmy858 (9:36:23 PM): 03:16:22 JihadJimmy858 (9:36:38 PM): (the bag was opened in front of a fan) JihadJimmy858 (9:37:45 PM): YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT YOU STUPID C-BAG JihadJimmy858 (9:38:02 PM): 03:11:57 JihadJimmy858 (9:39:22 PM): "University" of $outhern California JihadJimmy858 (9:40:00 PM): i like how all the black people in 24 talk like white people JihadJimmy858 (9:40:44 PM): and i seem to recall this agent getting killed by the guard JihadJimmy858 (9:42:50 PM): oh yeah, the prison guard's son was kidnapped or something JihadJimmy858 (9:43:14 PM): slap her! JihadJimmy858 (9:43:21 PM): MILF-y slap! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:04 PM): the virus is out! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:11 PM): in the sewer system! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:14 PM): Level 3 Hot Zone! JihadJimmy858 (9:44:17 PM): 03:24:15 JihadJimmy858 (9:44:24 PM): 03:28:27 JihadJimmy858 (9:45:46 PM): "i'm not sherry" JihadJimmy858 (9:46:10 PM): 03:30:25 JihadJimmy858 (9:47:46 PM): 03:31:59 JihadJimmy858 (9:50:50 PM): ooh, maybe the virus was sent over in a live host? JihadJimmy858 (9:50:56 PM): 03:35:09 JihadJimmy858 (9:52:21 PM): 03:36:48 JihadJimmy858 (9:52:27 PM): 03:41:02 JihadJimmy858 (9:54:30 PM): wow. how dramatic. gotta pay some hush-money. JihadJimmy858 (9:54:33 PM): 03:43:05 JihadJimmy858 (9:54:42 PM): so dramatic that I started dozing off JihadJimmy858 (9:55:29 PM): 858-555-0103 JihadJimmy858 (9:55:42 PM): that's MILF-y's cell phone number JihadJimmy858 (9:56:28 PM): 03:45:01 JihadJimmy858 (9:58:33 PM): he's at some mall JihadJimmy858 (9:58:47 PM): MILF-y: "Please help our son!" JihadJimmy858 (9:59:22 PM): "did you do something to piss off jack?" JihadJimmy858 (10:00:03 PM): oh yeah, dumbass, touch Tony Almeida JihadJimmy858 (10:00:26 PM): 03:48:55 JihadJimmy858 (10:00:29 PM): 03:53:08 JihadJimmy858 (10:01:35 PM): you stupid C-bag, why must youalways run over to comfort your tard of a BF? JihadJimmy858 (10:02:05 PM): "The only other option is for us to stop seeing each other. blah blah blah. that's not an option" JihadJimmy858 (10:02:07 PM): dumb C JihadJimmy858 (10:02:43 PM): 03:55:34 JihadJimmy858 (10:04:41 PM): 03:46:41 JihadJimmy858 (10:04:46 PM): i mean 03:57:41 JihadJimmy858 (10:05:47 PM): "My name's Tony Almeida" JihadJimmy858 (10:06:06 PM): Oh man, I just shot Tony Almeida in the face! JihadJimmy858 (10:07:00 PM): 04:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

Fuck you, Gold Country Casino

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day
Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Went on another indian casino junket w/my grandma again. Pai Gow Poker was not kind. Again. A fucking buttload of Pai Gows to start off, and I'm down $50 in like 30 minutes. Never hit that hot streak like i wanted to, and the progression never got past 6 units. I won on 3 units only once. WTF.

And I'm not even pissed off about the Pai Gows either. Toward the end, I had three hands of Two Pairs, and each lost.

Tio Jaime: Pair of 3's and a Pair of 5's, with A-Q Low.
Gold Country Casino: Pair of 6's and a Pair of 8's, A-K Low. ASSHOLES.

Tio Jaime: Jacks and Eights.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens. FUCK YOU, GOLD COUNTRY.

Tio Jaime: Aces and Jacks. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Gold Country Casino: Aces and Queens.
Kickers: Tio Jaime's Queen loses to Gold Country's King. GO EAT A BIG ONE YOU INDIAN FUCKS.

Yeah. Fucking assholes. My Aces didn't win, they didn't even push. They fucking lost. I'm not going to explain it, so if you're still playing catch-up, go visit bodog and The Wizard of Odds and see why this is shitty. Also, please to be visiting those two sites if you're still trying to figure out whether or not I split the Jacks and Eights or even the Aces and Jacks in those last two hands.

If you're SixHertz and still lost, you can even give me a call and I'd be happy to explain it to you. Not that you'll listen.

Still reading? Then I have a treat for you because you're obviously a Degenerate Gambler like myself. Check this out-- I was dealt what is literally the shittiest hand possible in Pai Gow Poker!

Pai Gow, 9-High!

Do I need to explain why the 9-High is the lowest possible hand in Pai Gow Poker, SixH Citizen SHoPpers? Think low, think no straights.

Oh, almost forgot: Gold Country Casino sucks because 1) they don't allow cigars, and 2) it's a major hassle just to claim your free money. Almost not worth it, seeing as to how my time would've been better spent waiting in line for an open spot at the tables...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="2252">
And really, it's only fitting that he who introduced Tio Jaime to strip clubs and bodog.com chime in...

that chick would make a good stripper

7:47:13 PM MwHCock: post a SHoP update 7:47:14 PM TioJaime (Autoreply): Watching TV/Movie 7:48:14 PM TioJaime: i'll have some soon 10:09:00 PM MwHCock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDabp9h7ZOY 10:09:50 PM TioJaime: why do i want to go to the zoo all of a sudden? 10:10:15 PM MwHCock: that chick would make a good stripper 10:10:39 PM TioJaime: probably already is. you ever watch Beauty and the Geek? 10:10:48 PM MwHCock: no 10:10:50 PM TioJaime: check out how many of the Beauties are "cocktail waitresses" MwHCock went away (10:15:14 PM) Away Message: Late night In-N-Out Burger run (10:15:15 PM) MwHCock went idle (10:33:25 PM) 10:46:32 PM poke00210: there. three new posts.

</update>

How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 8:00 PM AND 10:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

two wild and crazy civil engineers
9:06:55 PM TioJ: you know how when I watch my DVDs of The Shield, I wanna join the LAPD? 9:07:00 PM TioJ: i wanna join CTU now. 9:07:36 PM ProfShewseffi: hahaha

In hindsight, maybe my radiophilia explains my fondness for NewsRadio. Any coincidence that this engineer's favorite TV show growing up was MacGyver? And if you were ever curious, Heather Locklear in TJ Hooker is why I have a thing for women in uniform nowadays.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3amC of 24 (Season 3), episode 2

You are now in chat room "BiteMeAIM." JihadJimmy858 has entered the chat room. JihadJimmy858 (8:21:07 PM): hello dere JihadJimmy858 (8:21:20 PM): OK so i even forgot how to set up these chats JihadJimmy858 (8:21:38 PM): next episode of 24... ooh, deleted scenes and alternate takes! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:01 PM): and now... a 3am Criticism of 24, Season 3! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:07 PM): here we go... JihadJimmy858 (8:22:25 PM): PREVIOUSLY ON 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:22:32 PM): COUNTER TERRORIST UNIT!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:22:55 PM): HECTOR SALAZAR! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:07 PM): KYLE SINGER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:16 PM): PRESIDENT DAVID PALMER! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:24 PM): KIM BAUER! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:35 PM): JACK BAUER!!! JihadJimmy858 (8:23:40 PM): (it's about fucking time) JihadJimmy858 (8:24:04 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (8:24:16 PM): (so... do events occur in real time?) JihadJimmy858 (8:30:25 PM): you clueless whore... "Because it's not a big deal?" yay! Stupid Kim Time! Let's not listen to the men in your life *AGAIN* JihadJimmy858 (8:32:11 PM): OK. WHORE CITY JihadJimmy858 (8:32:22 PM): WTF did your stupid shit boyfriend just tell you? JihadJimmy858 (8:32:55 PM): How wonderful it must be for you never to have to listen to the men around you who are much smarter than you are. JihadJimmy858 (8:33:05 PM): But no, you're a goddam computer genius. I forgot. JihadJimmy858 (8:35:00 PM): ooh yeah bikini chicks JihadJimmy858 (8:35:24 PM): 02:13:05 JihadJimmy858 (8:35:29 PM): ooh, a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:35:34 PM): 02:17:36 JihadJimmy858 (8:42:37 PM): 02:24:39 JihadJimmy858 (8:44:15 PM): 02:26:17 JihadJimmy858 (8:44:22 PM): 02:30:43 JihadJimmy858 (8:48:54 PM): Las Nieves, Northern Mexico JihadJimmy858 (8:50:39 PM): they could've chosen a hotter mexi-chick. she's kinda ugly. JihadJimmy858 (8:51:37 PM): "Umm, OK, you don't have to yell..." JihadJimmy858 (8:51:47 PM): stupid chloe. everybody whispers in 24 JihadJimmy858 (8:52:30 PM): 02:38:50 JihadJimmy858 (8:52:34 PM): 02:43:16 JihadJimmy858 (8:53:28 PM): ooh a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:53:49 PM): h aha, he got pistol whipped in the face JihadJimmy858 (8:53:52 PM): ooh, a shotgun JihadJimmy858 (8:54:00 PM): FUCK YOU DRUG DEALER JihadJimmy858 (8:54:59 PM): how did jack miss him? JihadJimmy858 (8:55:03 PM): Shut up, Stupid! JihadJimmy858 (8:55:34 PM): LOL JihadJimmy858 (8:55:43 PM): Chase stepped on the dude's GSW JihadJimmy858 (8:56:05 PM): whoa, ten grand to move a bag of coke JihadJimmy858 (8:56:09 PM): Kyle, Kyle Singer! JihadJimmy858 (8:56:16 PM): 02:46:50 JihadJimmy858 (8:56:18 PM): and a deleted scene JihadJimmy858 (8:57:12 PM): ooh yeah bikini chick going through Kyle's shit JihadJimmy858 (8:58:18 PM): 02:48:55 JihadJimmy858 (8:58:23 PM): 02:53:22 JihadJimmy858 (8:58:35 PM): oh hi bikini chick JihadJimmy858 (9:03:10 PM): 02:58:05 JihadJimmy858 (9:03:47 PM): Ooh the Race Card a/o the Girlfriend Card? JihadJimmy858 (9:05:00 PM): Ooh, it's a CTU mole! JihadJimmy858 (9:05:19 PM): and only in the second episode JihadJimmy858 (9:05:37 PM): 03:00:00 JihadJimmy858 has left the chat room.

"It's just gonna be another one of those days..."

I'm too lazy to find you older posts where I 3am Criticized my DVD of 24. Maybe in the future. Or you can check out the archives to your left, or even at Tio Jaime: Aleph One. In the meantime, I've gotta catch up with Season 3 while the only good thing on TV is It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

---

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

"i don't wanna be plugging any holes"
wow they could've cast somebody younger and hotter for Sweet Dee
wow this episode fluctuates between fuckign hilarious and turn-this-shit-off-right-the-fuck-now rather quickly
Sweet Dee = butterface
and she just adjusted himself
and Sweet Dee is ugly
and you kinda have gross hands too
and i missed the punchline becuase i fell asleep

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 7:00 PM AND 9:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

There. Some very good examples of what the 3amC is supposed to resemble.

Although if you read my 3am Criticisms of IASiP's debut season, it didn't get very good reviews here on the SHoP. I'm pleased to announce that it's sophomore season got off to a rip roaring start, and actually is the jewel of the Tio Jaime Network. And Kaitlin Olson is looking better and better. If you can, check out reruns of last week's episode where she was on steroids. And the week before, when she was a crackhead. She's pretty cute. I'm not being sarcastic here.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of the Season 3 Premiere of Fox's 24, starring JACK BAUER!

JihadJimmy858 (7:23:53 PM): hello dere! JihadJimmy858 (7:24:13 PM): OK so we haven't done this in a while... JihadJimmy858 (7:24:32 PM): and i think i've forgotten all of the witticisms... JihadJimmy858 (7:25:01 PM): BUT PLEASE TO BE WELCOMING THE 3AM CRITICISMS BACK TO THE SIXHERTZ HOUSE OF PAIN!!! JihadJimmy858 (7:25:30 PM): Here's the season premiere of 24, Season 3... on DVD JihadJimmy858 (7:25:36 PM): here we go JihadJimmy858 (7:26:12 PM): this in widescreen? JihadJimmy858 (7:26:33 PM): oops, president david palmer collapsed JihadJimmy858 (7:26:44 PM): shook assassin-chick's hand or something... JihadJimmy858 (7:26:51 PM): THREE YEARS LATER JihadJimmy858 (7:26:59 PM): THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM JihadJimmy858 (7:27:02 PM): EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME JihadJimmy858 (7:27:38 PM): oops, my gyro was upside-down JihadJimmy858 (7:28:10 PM): unmarked Old School van JihadJimmy858 (7:28:30 PM): dropping off a body, setting charges JihadJimmy858 (7:29:04 PM): oh it's Jack Bauer! JihadJimmy858 (7:29:19 PM): and some little shit kid! JihadJimmy858 (7:30:02 PM): it's don somebody-or-other from Kingpin JihadJimmy858 (7:31:11 PM): pausing for more rootbeer JihadJimmy858 (7:31:56 PM): well, didn't pause it... JihadJimmy858 (7:33:20 PM): uh oh JihadJimmy858 (7:33:27 PM): he stabbed his lawyer in the neck JihadJimmy858 (7:33:35 PM): open the door! do it now! JihadJimmy858 (7:34:11 PM): hmm... what happens next is on you, Jack JihadJimmy858 (7:35:00 PM): heh, i heard the 24 ring JihadJimmy858 (7:35:05 PM): and fuck $C JihadJimmy858 (7:35:13 PM): oh it's chloe o'brien JihadJimmy858 (7:35:20 PM): i've heard of her JihadJimmy858 (7:36:56 PM): ann-chick is hotter though JihadJimmy858 (7:38:13 PM): 01:14:06 JihadJimmy858 (7:38:22 PM): "University" of $outhern California JihadJimmy858 (7:38:56 PM): Oh, it's President David Palmer! JihadJimmy858 (7:41:44 PM): oh yay kate warner JihadJimmy858 (7:44:31 PM): i keep thinking that the 24 ring is my Adium program JihadJimmy858 (7:44:37 PM): Oh, it's Kim Bauer! JihadJimmy858 (7:44:45 PM): fuck, she has shitty hair in this season JihadJimmy858 (7:45:19 PM): Las Nieves, Northern Mexico JihadJimmy858 (7:47:27 PM): right, and Kim's a fucking computer genius now JihadJimmy858 (7:48:28 PM): 01:25:20 JihadJimmy858 (7:49:39 PM): i'm gonna work on a pai gow post in the background JihadJimmy858 (7:49:58 PM): 01:26:54 JihadJimmy858 (7:51:01 PM): wow, he picked Kim in a bad-hair year JihadJimmy858 (7:51:50 PM): they sure gayed up 24 in this season JihadJimmy858 (7:53:12 PM): 01:30:06 JihadJimmy858 (7:53:48 PM): who is that mom? JihadJimmy858 (7:54:14 PM): was she the bank teller in The Girl Next Door? JihadJimmy858 (8:00:05 PM): 01:38:00 JihadJimmy858 (8:05:44 PM): 01:44:42 JihadJimmy858 (8:06:55 PM): the correct response is: "you wanna know what real Hurt is?" JihadJimmy858 (8:07:44 PM): 01:46:41 JihadJimmy858 (8:08:23 PM): ooh bikini-chicks JihadJimmy858 (8:11:23 PM): "It's just gonna be another one of those days..." JihadJimmy858 (8:11:25 PM): heh, no shit JihadJimmy858 (8:11:40 PM): ooh Presidential Jungle Fever, eh? JihadJimmy858 (8:11:51 PM): 01:52:45 JihadJimmy858 (8:16:59 PM): oh yes JihadJimmy858 (8:17:02 PM): 02:00:00

Maxim magazine is a bunch of ignorant choadstains

Yes, a huge part of it is that Christopher Titus made this list at #11. I think that these retard Maxim editors just aren't capable of fully appreciating California humor.

Useless list of "The Worst" Stand-up Comedians of All Time

A smaller part of it is that they chose some stand-up comedians who nobody cares about anyway. Sandra Bernhard? Paula Poundstone? Yakov Smirnoff? Judy Tenuta? How late-80s and early-90s of you.

Some good points to be made on this list, like Margaret Cho. Whoopi Goldberg. They both suck beyond belief. And really the only people who like them have dull minds. (A nod, btw, to the old adage that Baseball is dull only to those with dull minds.)

Some obvious ones who will eternally suck more than Judy Tenuta and Paula Poundstone-- did Pauly Shore and Carrot Top completely slip everybody's mind? Colin Quinn?

My major gripe with this Maxim mind-diarrhea is that Mitch Hedburg didn't make #1. Didn't even make the list. People (a handful of my close friends included) think that he's hilarious, but seriously, the guy's a complete jagoff. Here's an excerpt from the wikipedia entry about him...

excerpt from Mitch Hedburg
Mitch Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his odd subject matter, stylistic elocution and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Odd subject matter? He spoke about everything else that other shitty comedians talk about. Stylistic elocution? That's just a nice way of saying that he sucked so much dead bear that people pitied him and eventually were afraid of declaring disdain for his pathetic excuse of stand-up for fear that people would call them philistine and uncultured.

more on Mitch Hedburg

His onstage persona, though slightly nervous, was always quite endearing; he would happily joke with the audience if they hadn't reacted particularly well to a joke. He was happy to criticise his own weaker jokes, such as his statement on Strategic Grill Locations: "That joke was just a carbon copy of the last joke." His jokes ranged from compact one- or two-liners ("I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.") to slightly longer material (usually with multiple punchlines) in which he would take everyday ideas or situations and pick out certain aspects at which to poke humor (the Dufrenes joke is a good example of this).

Umm, yeah. I read the Dufrenes joke. It sucked. It had the potential to be a funny joke, but definitely not in the hands of Mitch Hedburg. God, I can see his shitty delivery in my mind. I'm just thankful he's dead such that he can't come up with newer, shittier material.

Ooh, one- and two-liners? Yeah, those are perfect for basketball fans who have attention spans rivalling those of cheerleaders.

Check out some of his material, either read the quotes or find videos. If you can make it through more than ten minutes then you're a better SHoPper than I.

Anycrap, Maxim editors can go Eat a Big One. Ironically enough, I bought a Maxim today before lunch so I would have something to read. And then I read this shit on gorillamask? The WSU Cougars and their shitty alums can go Eat Big Ones as well.

There. There's a one-liner non sequitur for you. I guarantee that 100% of you Little Brains won't understand it, and that's just the way I like it. Go hasten your brain's transformation into mush and watch some Mitch Hedburg on YouTube or something...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Now if he'd been able to use his hands...

Found this story...

Seattle Times: Oregon boy dies in freak soccer accident

Although I have to admit that I did get caught up in a bit of the World Cup madness. Not because I played soccer one summer when I was like 10, but because of the world community coming together... and painting or otherwise slutting-up the world's nubile women.

Playboy Soccer Team for the World Cup 2006
Sexy Soccer Fans From The WorldCup 2006 in Germany
World Cup (I always like these. --TJ)
Brazil Playboy Soccer (You wanna know how to make the word "soccer" more appealing to Americans? Stick the words "Brazil" and "Playboy" in front of it. Really, stick those words in front of any word and you'll do fine. --TJ)
Keeley Hazell

I was about to just let the Brazilian chick have the entire post when I took the time to find out that Italy had won. They deserve a hotchick nod-- it's only fitting.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<hotchick>

</hotchick>

Lord, I was born a gamblin' man FUCKING A-Q PAI GOW PUSHES AGAINST MY ROYAL FLUSH. ASSHOLE

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."
Oh fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?
Today Was a Good Day

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

The two third and fourth permalinks above? I put those there because the first third one talks about playing Pai Gow Poker with Maggie the Cat, and the last one talks about the progression I was using on bodog.com which can be modified for craps, yes, but in its original form works very well for Pai Gow Poker. Unless your 30% of losing hands comes fast and furious and knocks you out before any of your 41% of push hands or 29% of winning hands make an appearance.

Pai Gow Poker is a pretty cool game. In no way does skill at poker translate to skill at Pai Gow Poker-- it's all raw, stupid luck. There are some strategies, but like i've told you good Citizen SHoPpers and infrequent Citizen SHoPper Trosama min Asi, "Doubles triumphs over theory any day of the week."

And speaking of Trosama min Asi, btw, a special thanks to all of Tio Jaime's friends who aren't going to read this because they're busy reading other, stupider shit which doesn't even offer any practical analysis on something which they might enjoy, like oh I don't know-- Craps, perchance? No, no, no. Gotta read something on Salon, or about how some chick is running a regression on why dudes aren't calling her back depending on which base she let them get to.

What's even better is when one of Tio Jaime's friends e-mails him asking him to read some poem he posted on some obscure blog. And fully acknowledges that his SHoPping has been very infrequent, but asks Tio Jaime to overlook this inequity.

Back to the Pai Gow Poker. All raw, stupid luck I sez...

lucky you, bodog.com...

Pigfuckers. The goddam straight flush didn't win. Not with a 6-4 Low Hand. You like that? You'll love this one...

eff you, bodog.com...

And with that title attribute, I've found a new post title. Also gotta add two older recap posts about Insaniquarium. Check em out, you probably haven't read them. And then go play Insaniquarium.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

I'm moving to Derka-derkaland

From entensity.net...

Belly Dancer

Maybe we've been wrong about these terrorist types all this time. They seem to like strippers too.

One more thing from the linkdump-osphere... found this last week on i-am-bored:

The McVideoGame

That's all for right now, hope all is well.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

It is hot here

Crap it's hella hot here in Palmdale (Palmhell). I had to turn on the AC for the first time today because last night I just could not sleep very well even with both windows open to let the air through. So now I feel bad because I've been holding out for so long and my housemates have to suffer. I should have just made utilities an additional part of the rent and things would have been fine and less awkward. I can't wait to see next month's electric bill!

Today Was a Good Day

Normally, I'd have a nice juicy post for you, especially with such a Jimmy-tastic weekend. But I'm watching my Season 4 DVD of The Shield, so you'll make do with a post that's receiving less than my full attention.

Went to Cache Creek today. Not with Maggie the Cat, though. My grandma called me up, said that she had a coupon for complimentary $20 slot play. Who am I to refuse? Although I was somewhat concerned that I shot my wad of luck on Friday when I turned $38 into $199 on bodog. That's good, yes, but I was afraid that I had used up all my gambling karma.

Staked $140-- because my preferred stake of $138 is just a pain in the ass sometimes-- dipped down to $70, $80 at one point but then made a miraculous recovery to pull even and then up to around $180 or so. Pulled out at $168 because it was time to go home.

Tio Jaime, you might be asking if you too share the gambling bug, How can I make a miraculous recovery too? Well, Citizen SHoPpers, I've posted this progression before. If i'm not lazy, I'll find it for you.

<update time=0053>
You're in luck: Feelin' Crappy!

You wanna know how not to gamble like a little girl? Check out the tips in that post right there...
</update>

1-2-3-6-4-8-4-8-...

This gets kinda messy when you get to the six and the eight and you have some wiggle room when you have to place 6 or 8 units on a single line bet. If you're playing with double odds, you can have a 2-unit line bet, and a 4-unit free odds.

Lay 9 to win 5 that we lost our little girl SixHertz's comprehension with "free odds". Press it up one unit that the concept of "laying odds" went over his head too. Hope you had your "SixHertz Don't Understand Pressing One Unit" bet working. That's just easy money.

So back to the progression. Double free-odds. If you're lucky enough to get to the 6 and win, what do you do with the 4? 2 and 2? Wrong. You can take 2 behind the line with 1 on the line. Your Tio Jaime usually changes the progression to ...-3-6-3-6-... Which reminds me, you gotta start off 2-2 and not 1-2. So really, it's

2-2-3-6-3-6-...

Easier said than done.

Lunch at the buffet with grandma, and that's one nice buffet! Maybe even better than some of the nicer Vegas buffets. I liked the Aladdin and the Luxor, but I think this one beat both of them. Ice Cream Sundae bar, good prime rib, potstickers didn't suck. Quite the bargain. Anyway, was thinking about the Jimmy-progression during lunch, since I saw on the way over that the tables were actually $5 and not $10 like I thought I saw earlier.

Cache Creek is 3-4-5 free odds. Whole Other set of problems. But it lets us get back to 2-2-3-6-4-8-4-8-...

2 - 1 and 1
2 - 1 and 1
3 - 1 and 2
6 - umm, we'll get to that in a second
4 - 1 and 3. Duh. This is where I lost.
8 - Didn't get here. 2 and 6? maybe something related to the 6-unit bet?

For the 6-unit: 1 on the line and max free odds. You may have 2 or 1 units free. You can place the extra unit(s) on the 6 and/or the 8. Press one unit until you Ess-out. "Seven-out" if you're SixHertz.

For the 8-unit: Now that I think about it, 1 and 3 and placing 4 units is a huge pain in the ass. Do that if you feel like it, but you might be better off with 2 and 6. No fuss, no muss.

Went shooting after dropping grandma off. Tried the 20-gauge, but some ejector-dealie wasn't ejecting the spent shells like it was supposed to. Manager of the store put some teflon-dealie on it, but I wasn't paying attention. I'll clean the guns tomorrow, as it's well past my bedtime.

The Shield is rad, recommend you check it out if you haven't already. If you're fortunate enough to be in my good graces, ask to borrow my copy. Or invite yourself over. Just lemme clean up a bit first...

Tio Jaime

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

How many more posts, goddamit? Take a fucking interest in your own blog for Fuck's Sake.

Put your money where your mouths are, you Holier-than-Thou Fucktards

If you're a frequent SHoPper, you'll know that another thing I hold dear is my loyalty to Apple Computer, in Cupertino down the road from my native San Jose.

Which may surprise you, as I'm Republican... or which may not surprise you, given my other SF Bay Area tendencies. More on that later, perhaps. But Suffice it to Say that as a Republican, I break a lot of twenty-something northern california molds and vice versa.

Briefly, my Mac history: Senior year in high school, my family got a Performa 6200CD, 75MHz 603 PPC. Freshman year at Cal, a Power Mac 5400 all-in-one 120MHz 603e (the e stood for extra bad-assed). When my little sister went to France for a semester overseas, I inherited her Bondi Blue iMac 233 G3 PPC. She came back, got her iMac back, and eventually I graduated, moved to Seattle and got a G4 Titanium PB 667 MHz. The 5400 was named Durandal, and the Titanium PB is named Emily. External hard drive partitioned into volumes named Erin and Sheila. If you can tell me where these names came from, I'll buy you a SHoP sticker.

Anycrap, I saw the iPod craze hit my Mac friends hard, and then it slowly leaked to the PC Windoze lemmings around me. Everybody had one-- except this Mac stalwart. I finally ordered an iPod Shuffle mere hours after they were announced at Macworld 2004.

Meanwhile, the iPod is the new Sony Walkman of Generation Y. And that's fine. Everybody has 'em. They're hip.

And if you'll allow me the stretch: a person who is likely to say that she "can't live without her iPod" is even more likely to say that Walmart is evil. La la la, you've heard it all before, and don't need your favorite SHoP Overlord to rehash it for you.

Anyway, the Little Brains out there who abhor the capitalism and materialism that corporate america breeds are the same ones who are more than happy to listen to shitty indie music on their iPods just so they can remind themselves that they're better than you. Because they listen to shitty music. And that's fine, no love lost for Tio Jaime.

But you can bet that I'm watching this story closely, if only for another chance to laugh in the face of my contemporaries...

excerpt from Apple begins investigation of iPod factory

A recent report put the monthly salary of factory workers at £27 (US$50). Workers at a different company that produces the iPod shuffle were paid £54 per month. These workers also paid for their own room and board, which amounted to around half of their salary. While the report said that the manufacturing relationship between Apple and Hon Hai is typical in the electronics industry, Apple said it is committed to the welfare of workers that manufacture its products.

Well that's good to know. If these allegations turn out to be true, I wonder just how many Leftists out there will give up their iPods in protest of Apple's negligence. Ideally, they should just take them to the nearest Apple Store and have a big mass burning in protest.

And no, I won't give up my iPod because quite frankly, my conscience isn't bothered enough about this to affect my wallet. Too bad.

And no, this doesn't parallel the chickenhawk argument. Sorry to take 1) the wind out of your sails, and 2) a giant shit on your ignorance parade. Clean yourself off and read on. Try to ignore the incessant Leftist whining which no doubt is a constant feed of Blue State Nonsense warping your perception of the world around you.

As a consumer, it is your duty to make your purchases having taken into account functionality, dependability, and numerous other factors. If you have the luxury (and note that you Leftists are in fact afforded a benefit which many other Americans are not), then "Social Justice" will be one of your factors. And that's fine. Again, I don't judge you. You should definitely vote and spend your money with your conscience. Until the government takes them away from you, you should definitely use what you've earned.

On the other hand, there is no disconnect between supporting a war and not driving myself down to a recruiting depot right this very minute. As a citizen, it is not your duty to pick up a weapon and fight in a war. If you become a soldier, then yes it becomes your duty. If you can't understand this, hit ALT-F4 to be transported to a special, dumbed-down version of the SHoP which you'll find more to your liking.

It's really very simple. God help you if you can't tell the difference between buying an iPod and defending your country, if so called upon by the government. I can't wait for you Little Brains to bring your weak-sauce sniping. I almost feel sorry for you, setting you up like this...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

PS- Lazy-Assed Blog/Internet Admin SixH, fucking do your job already! I've ruined a month's worth of posts because you can't be bothered to maintain your own goddam blog.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

For you boob guys out there...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Hot Chick, SHoP Overlords with Hot Chicks, and then Two SHoP Overlords
which loosely translated means, "i like your boobs / let me lick your boobs"
A or B: Paisley or Burberry?

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 3:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Never before do I recall ever wishing that we'd lost the Revolutionary War...

The Best Breasts From England

Is it unpatriotic to wonder if it'd be too late to reapply for colony status in the United Kingdom? I can make a case for it. 12 24 of 'em, in fact.

Again, never let it be said that your favorite SHoP Overlord never did anything for you.

God Save the Queen and her chesty subjects,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Fuck you, San Francisco. I didn't want to see the no-hitter tonight anyway.

If you're a frequent SHoPper, you'll know that two of the things which I hold dear are 1) The San Francisco Giants, and 2) my livid disdain for the Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups who populate San Francisco.

It's nice though, that I'm willing to forego #2 for #1-- at least for the roughly 30,000 people who happen to be in AT&T SBC Pacific Bell Park with me, cheering on the G-men. But HFS, now you're making me rethink my amnesty.

Giants hosting the Los Angeles Angels of Anahym tonight at Pac Bell. Old roommate Rafterman and I bought $10 VR tickets, wore our Robb Nen jerseys (Giants fans, don't feel obliged to read that article. You'll find yourself choking back tears.)

Matt Cain on the mound for the Giants, Kelvim Escobar on the mound for the Halos. Matt Cain walks Chone Figgins to start the game. Figgins tries to steal second, the throw from Alfonzo bounces short and then off of Figgins into shallow left-center. Barry Bonds hobbles over, but by then Figgins is waved home. Doesn't draw a throw from Bonds. It ain't even close. 1-0 Angels.

Cain gets out of the inning. Giants score two in the bottom of the first. Bonds doubled home Randy Winn, Mark Sweeney scores on Steve Finley RBI groundout to second. 2-1 Giants.

And then Matt Cain pitches a gem of a game! He's at 100 pitches right around the 6th or 7th, but he's still hitting 94, 95 on the gun. Pac Bell erupts when he strikes out the side in the seventh.

In the eighth, he strikes out Tim Salmon looking, who was pinch hitting for Escobar. The crowd loves it, especially those of us for whom 2002 will be remembered with pain and defeat. Two outs, top of the eighth. Chone Figgins up again.

I know it, Rafterman knows it, but like good baseball people, we're not saying a single thing. Cain has a no-hitter going, despite the unearned run in the first. Full count to Figgins, and the crowd is up on their feet--

"NO!!!" we scream, "SIT THE FUCK DOWN, IT'S ONLY THE EIGHTH GODDAM INNING!!!"

Line drive to center field. First hit of the game for the Angels. Goodbye, no-hitter.

"YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS," we yell to anybody in front of us who will listen. Which was nobody. "WHAT THE FUCK DID WE JUST TELL YOU?!?"

Matt Cain is pulled at the end of the eighth to a standing ovation. Myself and Rafterman included, of course. Armando Benitez is brought in to finish up the Nenth Inning.

Two outs. Full count. A loud, Filipino Republican yells, "FULL COUNT, WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP? YOU WERE SO EAGER BEFORE, BUT NOW YOU'RE SITTING DOWN LIKE HUMPS?!?"

Crowd stands up again.

"DID YOU NOT LEARN? SIT THE FUCK DOWN, YOU RETARDS!"

And another single. The oriental father and daughter in front of us start laughing as Rafterman and I start bitching again.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, DON'T STAND UP DURING A FULL COUNT WITH TWO OUTS!"

Tying run on first, go-ahead run in the batter's box. Pops up to centerfield for the final out. Giants 2 runs on 4 hits, 1 error. Angels 1 run on 2 hits, no errors.

That last out? Nobody was standing up. Batter popped up on a 0-1 count, I think. Doesn't fucking matter. The Giants didn't have their first no-hitter since 1976. Cain pitched one fucking sweet-assed game-- he's gonna be the next Jason Schmidt, or something-- but I'm still pissed at all of you Little Brains who stood up and deprived me and the SHoP of a no-hitter.

AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE: STOP GOUGING US ON GIANTS TICKETS ON CRAIGSLIST. Do that Little Brain shit on eBay. You can't even run your own stupid notions of socialism correctly. You have to have an angry Republican like myself to set you cheesedicks straight. Fuckity-fuck, even I understand the concept of this communal marketplace. But I don't try to make people think my shit doesn't stink. Enlightened my cold-hearted, capitalistic, philistine ass.

All of you San Franciscans make me sick. Especially you non-Northern-California-native San Franciscans. And it's not even enough that you love the Giants anymore. Next time, don't get so excited about a potential no-hitter. Rafterman and I made it throughout the entire first eight innings without saying "no-hitter". Sure, we said, "He's got good stuff," and "He's still hitting 95 on the gun with 120 pitches!" but not once did we jinx our pitcher. You did. You cost us that no-hitter. All of You can Get Bent.

But nice job, Matt Cain. Put on a great show tonight.

8.0 IP, 1 H, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 BB, 10 K

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Hey, Maggie, check it out... Cain was born in Dothan, AL.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

A or B: Paisley or Burberry?

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
You're on the air with KJIMMY
A or B...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 12:00 PM AND 1:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Got this from Engineer Mark, who along with OTW Mark, is so remiss in the next installment of Mark-Countermark that I've managed to forget what the upcoming topic was. I'll look it up in a bit.

New Items at Stockingirl, be the first to have them!

And this led me to send the following reply...

Tio Jaime's reply to Engineer Mark

Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2006 11:19:06 -0700 (PDT) From: "Tio Jaime <TioJaime@tiojaime.com> Subject: Re: Fwd: Exciting New Arrivals for Summer! To: "Engineer Mark" <EngineerMark@tiojaime.com> CC: "Trosama min Asi" <t-bird@tiojaime.com> ooh. jimmy like. 1) I like redheads 2) I like paisley So it kinda goes without saying that I like the redhead in paisley stockings. But even more than that? 3) I like the redhead in burberry Jimmy

I also included sometime-SHoPper Trosama min Asi in on the action. His affinity for redheads is more easily demonstrable than is mine.

And I was very tempted to send a link to this post to Pittsburg(h) Amy what with Ben Rothlis-what's-his-face crashing his motorcycle also allowing for a chance to commiserate with her about Steelers fans again, but a quick click on the Recap Link above points the good Citizen SHoPpers to an A or B with Pittsburg(h) Amy against a hotchick wearing only a Payton Manning jersey. And her caption probably wouldn't amuse her in Pittsburgh as much as it does us here in California-land. The point was-- and is probably completely moot now, what with you Citizen SHoPpers ogling the chick in the jersey-- Pittsburg(h) Amy accused me of liking the paisley blouse she wore that one night because it was low-cut when in reality I liked the paisley.

Not a boob guy, like I've mentioned before. Boobs're nice and all, but I'm more into legs. See hotchick below.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<hotchick head="red" legs="nice">

hotchick from Stockingirl

</hotchick>

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>