This is what happens when the common everyday idiot American only reads the headlines

Read the whole fucking article, for fuck's sake!!!

Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters

And just as a SHoP Overlord test to see if you are reading this very article, I'll put the original articles here, after the one second in chronological order. Just to fuck with your shit.

Sponge Germs Killed In Microwave
Researchers suggest zapping your kitchen sponge

blah blah blah escalation blah blah nancy pelosi

I don't care. Tie in the everyday idiot american how you want. You wanna remind us that these same sponge-retards elected W? Go ahead. Because I guaran-goddam-tee that all of these stupid housefraus whose kitchens smell like tires now and had to break out a new sponge-- they think President Bush is doing a bad job. They'll probably vote for Hillary Clinton because she's a woman or Barack Obama because he's black and housefraus tend to feel collective guilt for being white.

Left, Right... it doesn't fucking matter. Just wet your sponge first.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ

Heh. The talking heads are pointing out what your Tio Jaime pointed out in real time... the democrats didn't clap for things like a US Victory in Iraq. I guess they want us to lose.

Actually that wouldn't surprise me, as that would mean wonderful political fallout for the Degenerocrats. Ugh.

State of the Union, 23 January 2007

You are now in chat room "SixHertzHouseofSOTU." JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room. JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:34 PM): hello dere! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:50 PM): OK, Bush just shook hands with Nancy Pelo-suck... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:03 PM): sorry i'm a bit behind the ball here... but here we go... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:28 PM): I'm watching on Fox JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:39 PM): OH FUCK YOU NANCY PELO-SUCK JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:56 PM): oh sweet it's Dick Cheney JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:14 PM): Nancy Pelo-suck was not a soccer mom JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:38 PM): oh yay, "madame speaker" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:46 PM): Get Fucked JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:33 PM): Fuck this! What a pussy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:59 PM): The State of the Union must be pretty shitty then if we're starting off "Madame Speaker" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:58 PM): Fuck you Nancy Pelo-suck JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:31 PM): 41st uninterrupted month of job growth... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:37 PM): "economy is on the move" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:58 PM): heh.. "keep it that way, not with more government but with more enterprise" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:33 PM): oh yes, balance federal budget w/o raising taxes! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:22 PM): you smug cunt-bag JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:26 PM): i hate hillary clinton JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:21:54 PM): woohoo minority students JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:23 PM): yeehaw!!! RIGHT TO CHOOSE, BITCHES JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:52 PM): woohoo math and science skills! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): heh, democrats weren't really too enthused about our children not being stupid JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:22 PM): oh fuck health care JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:50 PM): woohoo private health insurance! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:30 PM): standard tax deduction if you're paying for your own healthcare JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:31 PM): wow, all of that health care shit seems to be smarter than anything Bill Clinton or other democrat could've possibly said JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:11 PM): woohoo Health Savings Accounts! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:24 PM): woohoo helping small businesses through associate savings plans JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:34 PM): woohoo reducing medical errors through some kind of technology JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:46 PM): woohoo medical liability reform JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:18 PM): hmm, i wonder why the democrats didn't stand up for medical liability reform JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:26 PM): well, they'll sneak in to have their children here so they get automatic citizenship JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:47 PM): woohoo melting pot! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:29:08 PM): "without animosity and without amnesty" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:30:54 PM): woohoo ethanol JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:13 PM): i hate these snivelling democrats JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:21 PM): they look so seedy JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:38 PM): fuck that... stupid democrats standing up because they heard something about "global climate change" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:45 PM): what a bunch of narrow-minded dumbshits JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:35:37 PM): dammit, i missed what he just said about terrorists JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:38 PM): ha ha, fuck you terrorists JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): and for most of the democrats in congress, this is the first they're hearing about the totalitarian evil that is radical islam JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:21 PM): all the democrats heard there was "ESCALATE!" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:28 PM): what a bunch of shitheads JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:28 PM): ooh condoleezza! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:52 PM): the Secretary of Hotness JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:13 PM): wow, notice how the democrats didn't clap at the thought of free iraqis voting in a democratic election JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:44:31 PM): grumble grumble go the degenerocrats JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:45:05 PM): i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:28 PM): falling asleep again... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:31 PM): did i miss anything good? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:51:50 PM): something about increasing the military JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:52:09 PM): good, show a marine, not stupid ole hillary clinton JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:53:19 PM): guess the democrats love iran... they weren't so quick to stand JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:54:34 PM): he must've hit on a democrat talking point with darfur... they all stood up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:55:43 PM): 1.5 billion dollars will buy a lot of DDT... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:56:48 PM): gallery shout-outs! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:40 PM): woohoo great enterprising spirit! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:13 PM): woohoo go america JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:21 PM): i think that dude's daughter is asleep JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:43 PM): way to go, sergeant JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:04:27 PM): mmm... condi JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:56 PM): i'm hungry... it's time for dinner JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Listening to Senator Webb's response on behalf of the Degenerocratic Party. You shithead. Do you not understand the concept of capitalism? CEO's make money. That's what they do.

It's time for dinner. Fuck these ignorant Leftists.

Happy Kwan-Jimmy. Go fuck yourselves.

Since all of you unoriginal Leftists still have your panties in a bunch over George W. Bush and Iraq and probably the 2000 election still, I figured I'd post some Iraq quotes that will rile you up because they offend your current Leftist sensibilities. Or lack thereof.

Why the President went into Iraq

[Our Armed Forces'] purpose is to protect the national interest of the United States, and indeed the interests of people throughout the Middle East and around the world. Saddam Hussein must not be allowed to threaten his neighbors or the world with nuclear arms, poison gas or biological weapons. I want to explain why I have decided, with the unanimous recommendation of my national security team, to use force in Iraq; why we have acted now; and what we aim to accomplish.

There's a small hint there in that table.

I wonder if you Citizen SHoPpers caught it. Probably not, but I'd be curious to see your guesses in the comments. Not that I'm gonna hold my breath waiting...

More of why the President went into Iraq

The international community had good reason to set this requirement. Other countries possess weapons of mass destruction and ballistic missiles. With Saddam, there is one big difference: He has used them. Not once, but repeatedly. Unleashing chemical weapons against Iranian troops during a decade-long war. Not only against soldiers, but against civilians, firing Scud missiles at the citizens of Israel, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Iran. And not only against a foreign enemy, but even against his own people, gassing Kurdish civilians in Northern Iraq. The international community had little doubt then, and I have no doubt today, that left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will use these terrible weapons again.

If you'd paid attention to your Tio Jaime over the past six years, you'll know that I haven't thought of Bush to be the best Republican. I've only been moderately pleased with what a Republican president equipped with a Republican Congress has been able to produce in the face of nothing more than irritating opposition.

The strongest catchline from the Left? Dissent is Patriotic. Right. That's why the Democrats circle wagons whenever one of their own is being impeached. Or when it comes down to picking the Party over conscience.

Anycrap, with all the things that this President has done (heh, not done?), this justification for going into Iraq is solid. It's probably one of the only things history will look favorably upon out of such a polarizing administration.

Oh look! Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!

So Iraq has abused its final chance. As the [report] concludes, and again I quote, "Iraq's conduct ensured that no progress was able to be made in the fields of disarmament. "In light of this experience, and in the absence of full cooperation by Iraq, it must regrettably be recorded again that the commission is not able to conduct the work mandated to it by the Security Council with respect to Iraq's prohibited weapons program."

Fuck. Now I'm getting tired. Let's close this shit up, soon yah?

Ho, hum. Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!
At the same time, we are delivering a powerful message to Saddam. If you act recklessly, you will pay a heavy price. We acted today because, in the judgment of my military advisers, a swift response would provide the most surprise and the least opportunity for Saddam to prepare.

Non sequitur time, Citizen SHoPpers!

FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.

2007 corollary: Neither is rap. Heh, or golf, I guess.

A better ticket out of the ghetto is probably engineering. Or medicine. And a good way to work towards these tickets is Vouchers and School Choice.

Unless for you Leftist degenerates, "Choice" stops once the child falls out of the mother's crotch. Which I've gathered it does.

For fuck's sake, do you Degenerocrats not understand a single thing about foreign relations?
Finally, our allies, including Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain, concurred that now is the time to strike. I hope Saddam will come into cooperation with the inspection system now and comply with the relevant UN Security Council resolutions. But we have to be prepared that he will not, and we must deal with the very real danger he poses.

FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.

Said the oriental engineer who is watching Guess Who starring Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher at 3am in the safety of his own apartment. Devoid of people who both 1) love Bernie Mac more than other people do, and 2) would've been shouting at the screen had I caught this movie at the Bay Street 16.

I pray to God that you've figured the riddle out already.

The hard fact is that so long as Saddam remains in power, he threatens the well-being of his people, the peace of his region, the security of the world. The best way to end that threat once and for all is with a new Iraqi government -- a government ready to live in peace with its neighbors, a government that respects the rights of its people. Bringing change in Baghdad will take time and effort. We will strengthen our engagement with the full range of Iraqi opposition forces and work with them effectively and prudently.

SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.

It kinda goes without saying that black people today shouldn't be paid reparations from a coffer where orientals and mexicans have chipped in. Oh, and white people too, I guess...

Ooh, look, some of the best excerpts are coming up... Pay attention, now, Citizen SHoPpers...

I'm getting real fucking tired and Guess Who is almost done...

The decision to use force is never cost-free. Whenever American forces are placed in harm's way, we risk the loss of life. And while our strikes are focused on Iraq's military capabilities, there will be unintended Iraqi casualties. Indeed, in the past, Saddam has intentionally placed Iraqi civilians in harm's way in a cynical bid to sway international opinion. We must be prepared for these realities. At the same time, Saddam should have absolutely no doubt if he lashes out at his neighbors, we will respond forcefully.

Oh, I can hear the whining now... blah blah blah escalation blah blah How unoriginal do you have to be that even this stupid Republican right here recognizes the Leftist talking points being passed around and barely modified to at least have the illusion of creativity.

Can I go to sleep yet? The movie's over...

I'm gonna download some R. Kelly before I go to sleep...

Heavy as they are, the costs of action must be weighed against the price of inaction. If Saddam defies the world and we fail to respond, we will face a far greater threat in the future. Saddam will strike again at his neighbors. He will make war on his own people. And mark my words, he will develop weapons of mass destruction. He will deploy them, and he will use them. Because we're acting today, it is less likely that we will face these dangers in the future.

I'm too lazy to post links to the Kwan-Jimmy posts, but I'm sure you can find the one post prior to this one that you're reading right now. G'won, git! The links are all there.

And special thanks to OTW Mark (and subsequently The Patriot Post) for providing all of the inspiration for this post. One small paragraph there begat this whole post. Good shit.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- You never figured out the secret ending? It has to do with the bgcolor attributes of the tables...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Kwan-Jimmy!

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.
SEVENTH PRINCIPLE OF KJ: Having your own dorms, fraternities and sororities, graduations, and even colleges is just another form of Separate But Equal

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Already, I've missed the first two Principles, as today is the Third Day of Kwan-Jimmy. To recap, since it's been a year since the last one...

FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.

69.5% for non-Hispanic blacks. Well, just as long as you women feel liberated and not subject to some stupid, white male oligarchy. It sucks that the converse of this SHoP Overlord's premise is that illegitimate childbirth is good for America. I don't know anybody who can argue that successfully, nevermind the incompetent, Leftist sniping which always follows when we on the Right use common sense and logic.

Ask a black person to "talk white" and you'll get a pretty humourous caricature of a white person. My Black Panther professor for Sports Sociology in Berkeley had a particularly good "white voice". Oh, the Leftist pigfuckers would laugh heartily when he'd do it during lecture in Pimentel Hall (the old PSL, for you Old Blues out there). The minute that "talking white" is no longer a source of amusement for the Black Community is the moment that all this racism hoo-haa will be said and done. It's not just white people who are to blame here. Said the Oriental.

Not only talking white, but acting white too, yah? It's not being true to your African-American brothas and sistahs to study and succeed next to all your white classmates-- sounds shitty, but it's more the norm than isn't. Hey that's fine. Just don't complain that blacks as a slice of the pie chart aren't faithfully represented in all the respected professions-- doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, dentists, engineers. You name it.

One of the reasons I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy was because the fake diversity was so irritating and detracted so much from the show. No Oriental doctors but three black ones? That's horseshit. Also, no filipino nurses but a new black nurse or orderly every other week? Gimme a break! At least they're portraying the black doctors correctly-- as Uncle Toms.

In any case, have a happy Kwan-Jimmy. I'll try to post each day through MLK Day.

Jihad Jimmy

Just two random things to take away from the SHoP today...

First, I find it funny how the contractor who is being paid by the State of California on the order of hundreds of millions of dollars to build a bridge on an interstate is the same contractor who can't set up something as simple as a voice mail/phone system in their jobsite trailer. Bad enough that my intended extension works only about half the time. Worse that the directory doesn't work worth shit. Worst that they don't have a receptionist for a 100-person trailer to answer phones or receive visitors.

Second, and you'll find that this is miles away from what I was just complaining about, I tried something this last weekend that LMHBrent suggested once, a long time ago back in Seattle-land.

1) Cut a hole in a box
1) Weigh yourself
2) Take a massive dump
3) Weigh yourself again
4) Do the Math

I was about to commence the pooping at the Marquette Hotel in downtown Minneapolis this past weekend, when lo and behold, there's a scale in the bathroom!

Imagine my surprise (and yours too, because I know deep down in your sick minds you were wondering just how much poop a husky-sized Filipino SHoP Overlord can make) when my W-sub-2 was higher than my W-sub-1. Somehow, I gained a pound pooping.

Happy Monday. I'm off to Fry's.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Why no, who did you think I was talking about in this post?

This is directed to nobody in particular. Heh.

This Thread has Been DeRailed Happens way too much here.

Sorry. Couldn't embed that animation on this page because I'm lazy. Rather, I'm busy at work. Enjoy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith