TERROR ALERT LEVEL: BROWN

Yes, I stole that post title from Don and Mike. But like they say, and this applies to radio shows, podcasts, SHoP posts-- whatever, really: "If you steal from us, you're stealing twice."

Anyway, was at DUMPCON 2 about ten minutes ago. Went down to the restroom to try to rectify that. I did. It was nice.

The stall next to mine was occupied, and as I was finishing up my paperwork I could hear the clinking of the dispenser in that very same stall. Shit. This means that we're on track to exit our respective stalls at right around the same time. Not paralyzing embarassment, no, but still I value my privacy. And I don't like people anyway.

I exit first, make a bee-line towards the sink. Two splooges of the soap, hit the water, start scrubbing. The appropriate amount of time to be spent scrubbing, I'm told, is one round of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat". I'm scrubbing, I'm singing. In my head.

So right around "Gently down the stream", my poop-neighbor rinses his hands (barely) in the sink. OK. We all do/did that at one time or another. I'm scrubbing... Merrily, Merrily, Merrily

But then this guy runs his wet hands through his chin-length, Bay Area hippie hair. Sick fuck. Dries, leaves.

And only as I'm touching the doorknob which he just touched with his crappy, lice-y hands does it occur to me that I have a SHoP post on my hands.

Life is but a dream,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

With the San Francisco Giants / It's Bye, Bye Baby!

Oh damn. And now your shitty young pitcher gave up a homer to our leadoff batter! And he was a former Mariner!

It really didn't end up mattering. Noah Lowry lasted all of three innings, and retired only 10 of the 17 Mariners he faced. The other two outs to get him through three were a double play and another example of shitty baserunning by Mariner retard Willie Bloomquist.

Seriously, dude! When the M's were in town this past week to play the A's, Bloomquist was severely beat trying to stretch a single to left into a double. The ball beat him to the second baseman by at least three steps. Moron.

And then tonight, again, caught trying to stretch the single after he saw the throw from left field go to the plate. Nope, Vizquel cut it off and got him at second base.

Shall we also bring up how Bloomquist was picked off of second? Oops. Too late. I already did.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Every time the chips are down / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

And then one or two batters later? Steve Finley homers off of Felix Hernandez. Ha ha. Your young pitcher sucks too!!!

Although seeing as to how long our young pitcher lasted...

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

When the Giants come to town / It's Bye, Bye, Baby!

A 462-footer into deep right-center.

#718. Eat your hearts out, Washingtards.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- Although really, I was more impressed by Ichiro's homer to lead off the home half of the first inning. Seriously, ooh, barry hit another homer? If he'd stolen a bag and Ichiro homered, now that'd be cool... we have a lot to look forward to this world series when Barry finishes his illustrious stint as a Giant at Safeco Field. Again: yeah right.

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Tio Jaime's MLB favorite Giants against his AL favorite Mariners

You are allowed two favorite baseball teams. One from each League. I've been a Giants fan since 1984, 1985? And the nice thing about the bay area is that you can like both bay area teams. Back around 1989 and the Bay Bridge Series you had dual Giants/A's caps. Cool shit.

Although I never adopted the A's as my AL team, not even when I was one town away for college. After college though, when I was moved to Seattle for work, our office was mere minutes away by foot from brand new Safeco Field (and under-construction Seahawk Stadium). I didn't hate the mariners, although I seemed to hate their stupid fans. As much as I hate the holier-than-thou mentality which is the San Francisco Bay Area, it showed in my Giants-fandom. "Seattle isn't a baseball town!" And they weren't. Maybe they still aren't. But in the end, the Mariners fulfilled my baseball urges and I managed to forgive the Washingtards for not being fortunate enough to have been born in Giants Nation.

Also, I liked the Mariners' seafaring blues and greens better than I did Oakland's bright shitty green and thrown-in-as-an-afterthought gold. Nasty looking caps.

So there's my baseball lineage. Giants first, distant second the Mariners, very distant third the A's, and then everybody else. At the bottom of the list? The Red Sox and Yankees, followed by the Angels, and then of course the lowest of the low... the Dodgers. The main thing is yes, you can have two teams. But you must choose one when they do finally meet.

You can probably imagine my excitement at this interleague series. The G-Men and M's won't meet regular season probably for another 6 years or so, and the Giants probably won't be up in seattle for another 12. Maybe 18. I'll be old by then. Shit.

They'll meet in the Cactus League, maybe in an exhibition the weekend before opening day. Or... <snorts> even in The World Series. Yeah. Right. Like that'll happen anytime soon.

Go Giants,
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

At the very least, check out the "No problemo" link in the recap...

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...
Flighty San Francisco Women, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love M---- whoa whoa whoa, hold on there...
Three Simple Words: I AM GAY
UPDATE: Retarded Craigslist Golddigger!
No problemo.
Hi! We're San Franciscans! We're tolerant of homosexuality, bestiality, necrophelia, white-bashing, man-bashing, and Catholic-bashing!
Yay for lonely and socially retarded San Franciscans!
All I Wanna Do
Hi! I have no discernable male genitalia!
uber-post
And you all wonder why Tio Jaime complains about Bay Aryan single women?
Throw these back, Mr. Sandman...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 PM AND 12:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

---

Haven't done this in a while. But I found an ad which was just too good to save for later. Figured I'd put in a bit of extra effort and find other ads which could be spearheaded by the one I found...

Beastiality - 27 (berkeley)
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
Not sure what exactly possessed me to click on this ad. Don't read too much into that, Citizen SHoPpers.

Do you Golf? - 38 (santa rosa)
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
Go easy on the ellipses there, Annika................

Tired of Bowser personalities, looking for a Luigi... - 25 (financial district)
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
I woulda sent a response if she had gone into the Nintendo angle a bit more. Maybe dropped some Legend of Zelda or something... At the very least the Konami 30-lives code. No effort. But I do like the use of the word "chinky".

I want to fall in love with your words - 28
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
I've always suggested things be in epistolary form, but only in jest. (Dearest Nooneh...) And while this may have worked in the 15th Century, it won't be as cool in the 21st Century via e-mail, and wholly unnecessary in the 1500th Century as specified in her ad.

By then, emissaries from the Planet Vulcan will hopefully have allowed us to impregnate their hot, Vulcan daughters so we can have a new race of mestizo, telepathic mind-melding half-humans.

BBW & herpes, does that make me obsolete... - 30
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
Why don't you Citizen SHoPpers field this one for your Tio Jaime? Somehow, I'm at a loss for words.

ISO physicists in UC Berkeley that will have laps for me - 37 (berkeley)
(rhothetaphi mirror here)
Oh please. I knew I'd run into another dumb woman looking for a physicist. I don't understand the fixation. What's so fucking inspiring about circuits and optics and rectilinear motion? What exactly is it about thermodynamics that gets these retarded housefraus wet? Are they thinking metaphysics? Because I guaran-goddam-tee you that Berkeley's Physics 7 series had nothing fruity and new age about it. It was hardcore Physics which raped you in your pooper and then his buddy Calculus came alongside shortly thereafter and would strap you down and force you to autoerotically asphyxiate yourself while masturbating.

That's probably one of the most disturbing images I've thought to publish on the SHoP. Just bear in mind that neither LMHBrent or myself were never subject to anything like that in reality, in the actual confines of LeConte Hall-- it was all figurative. Reread it just to make sure.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Fatigue Quiz!

Found this fatigue quiz on Gorillamask.

Measure Your Level of Fatigue

I went ten questions into it-- got tired of it. Closed the window. Quickly realized I could post about the irony of the situation. I've now invested more time into posting about it on the SHoP than I did in the quiz itself.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Is there no sweeter sound than the breaking of disappointed, Leftist hearts?

If I was a sloppy SHoP Overlord (or Overlady) I'd do one of those tired, trite "Priceless" bits right now. But I'm not, so I won't. Instead I'll call attention to my disdain for the Priceless ad campaign. It's the Energizer Bunny of the new decade. And it's only a matter of time before those Geico commercials go down that road too. (They really should ditch the gecko for those cavemen.)

Stay tuned for the SHoP post when we douse these signs with gasoline and burn them. Hopefully we'll BBQ at the same time.

Entrance to the pedestrian bridge

Those wacky Sureños. As an aside, if SixH and I were to join a Mexi-gang, we'd probably join the Norteños. Well, duh, we're from Northern California. We like the 49ers. I myself have abandoned the Yale Blue of alma mater for the Red of the two recent electoral college victories.

Lookee here! A sign!

The more I think about it, the more the SHoP needs a graffiti tag. Unfortunately, LEILAISACUNTLOL is probably too cumbersome to be effective.

What do you want on your Tombstone?

Fuck, I want some pizza now. Maybe we'll hit up Mountain Mike's for lunch...

And that's a hint for you Little Brains out there who might be mad that I just called a certain Brazilian a C.U.N.T. again.

Oops your sign fell down

What, like the Moon Landing? Is that what you Little Brains mean by "lie"?

Dude, Where's Your Sign?

Pitifully enough, the Dude-where's-my-car/Where's-your-car-dude scene and the Dude-what-does-mine-say/Sweet-what-about-mine scene from "Dude, Where's My Car?" were both more entertaining than the first 500 times I saw those stupid Mastercard-Priceless commercials. I swear to fuck, can't you retards (and this is apolitical, since certain SHoP Overlords seem to love the "Priceless") think of some fresher ad campaign to spoof? Seriously, the spoofs themselves aren't even funny anymore. They don't even make sense.

Not funny? Not making sense? Sounds like a job for Kaptain Kunt and his Amazing Half-Assed Online Threats of Physical Violence!

To my knowledge, the only compression arch suspended-deck pedestrian bridge is in wonderful Berkeley, CA

I honestly can't think of what kind of foot-traffic from Fourth Street and/or the Aquatic Park going to the Marina would necessitate this hardcore of a bridge. The only use which comes to mind? Each Fri-dee on the morning commute-- when the Code Pink hippies and whoever else doesn't have the inconvenience of a job-- some structure has to be able to support the weight of the self-important, selfish egos which wave at me from this pedestrian bridge on my way to work. How nice it must be to be able to wave without a care in the world at the grown-ups scurrying by to their jobs.

If I go nuts and start shooting people, I'll see if I can time it for a Fri-dee morning. Then I'll take THE PURSWADER to this very overpass. Same applies if the Culture War turns into a shooting war. They'll make a movie: The Bridge On the River Degenerocrat.

Lookee here! Another sign!

And please, if you'll indulge me a whole other bipartisan annoyance... For fuck's sake, please stop using the word "nother". It's not a goddam word. It's another manifestation of the Little Brain in society. I'm not blaming Bill Clinton, or Al Gore, or John Kerry. Shit, George W. Bush is probably more to blame for this than all three of those guys combined.

Instead of nother, you can use other (like i did above), or another. Try it.

It's time for a whole nother SHoP post, Citizens!

It's time for a whole other SHoP post, Citizens!

It's time for another whole SHoP post, Citizens!

I better stop now before this talk of "holes" gets our trolls all hot, bothered, and erect. And no, "trolls" isn't code for man-units.

Preaching to the choir

Here's a nice view of the River Degenerocrat. The geographically astute NorCal Citizen SHoPpers will know that the direction shown here flows right into San Francisco.

Really, what's the point of this sign here? Why not put it up someplace where you can anger more people? Why do I need to be telling you these things? Are you all truly this clueless that the Republican has to help you out?

Don't answer that. It was rhetorical.

oh wow, Berkeley's aquatic park is in the background here, just south of this bridge

I'm surprised I got to these signs first. There are other like-minded Americans out there who have beaten me to the punch on numerous ocassions.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Holy Leftist Blubbering Vagina, Batman!

Considering that the post title was up against...

It's the Leftist Blubbering Vagina, Stupid!

...and...

Peace-Cow Wannabe

...and...

Another Leftist Demonstrating the Need for Universal Sterilization and Governmental Regulation of the Antidote

...something about it seemed to call out to me. Maybe because I've been going through my Don and Mike airchecks. Don Geronimo absolutely loves Batman, and talks about it quite often.

Anyway, found this article on Yahoo! News. I've also included the USA Today link, as those tend not to expire.

Father of beheaded man blames Bush, not Zarqawi
Father of beheaded contractor calls al-Zarqawi's death 'double tragedy'

Another bona fide fucking genius who is willing to use the death of his son for political means. Does the parade of pigfucking degenerates never end?

from the yahoo! Article...

"I don't think that Zarqawi is himself responsible for the killings of hundreds of thousands of people in Iraq," Berg said in a combative television interview with the U.S. Fox News network. "I think George Bush is. "George Bush is the one that invaded this country, George Bush is the one that destabilized it so that Zarqawi could get in, so that Zarqawi had a need to get in, to defend his region of the country from American invaders."

Wow. Spoken like a true, near-sighted, simpleton ignoramus. Perhaps he's making a power play for the idiocy-vaccuum soon to be left by Crazy Aunt Cindy's Peace-Cow's impending expiration date.

This next part's my favorite.

the part which was Tio Jaime's favorite
"First of all, I'm not even certain that al-Zarqawi even killed my son," said Michael Berg, who doesn't believe the videotape of his son's execution or what he's been told by the FBI any more than he believes conspiracy theories suggesting his son was killed by the U.S. government.

Well shit on toast. I live in the SF Bay Area, most of my friends are deluded Leftists, but I can't find a single one who is loopy enough to believe that this War is one huge conspiracy theory.

And if my Leftist friends are calling "Bullshit!" that's a pretty clearly drawn demarcation between "Radical Left" and "Plain Ole Retarded".

Yes, Citizen SHoPpers, it is counterintuitive that the line between the two isn't fuzzy at best.

Anyway, just another Fifi of the Left. He won't last as long as the Peace Cow. He's not as blatantly an anti-Semite, so the Left won't latch onto him with the cannibalistic and sycophantic voracity that they did to Crazy Aunt Peace Cow. And when they're done with him? When he serves no more purpose? The next generation of the Left won't be able to pick out his name. Typical Degenerocrat attention spans.

All my love,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>

Guess what proof of identity I had to show to vote today?

I think you get the idea.

Someone please tell me why there isn't something seriously wrong with this system to begin with. Why is it more difficult to get into a dive bar than it is to vote?

It must be election time...

Are we really visiting this issue again? For the last time (not likely), let's call it what it is:

MARRIAGE IS A RELIGIOUS INSTITUTION.
A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP IS A GOVERNMENT CONTRACT.

The connection of a religious institution with a contractual agreement is doing more harm than good, nowadays. To wholly take it out of the legal context and remove the possibility of a debate is altogether preferable to the crappy initiatives being visited time and time again in congress. It's downright insulting that this be brought up before yet another election.

Is there a third party yet?

But don't let any of you LittleBrains get too excited with me agreeing with you on this issue. Remember, you can't spell LittleBrain without 'LIBERAL', and though you might bitch and moan about the "bigotry" and "intolerance" of God-fearing individuals, I'm blaming both parties for making me see this issue at election time every damn year. Besides, it's prejudiced for LIbErals to group people in such a way.

I say again, is there a third party yet?

What may the final result be? I see it as specifying to which religious faith a particular marriage belongs. A Catholic marriage, a Baptist marriage, a Scientologist marriage, etc. Whatever. I give less than a two craps about what other people do. True, there's a procreation issue that's important with the institution of marriage--should there be tax credit for children? Screw tax breaks. I'm for the abolition of the IRS and starting the FAIRTAX.

Tio Jaime, Lover of Nature

Took The Purswader shooting yesterday. Had to buy ammunition at Big 5 as Wal-Mart isn't selling ammunition anymore here in the Bay Area. This wouldn't be so bad, but Wal-Mart was the only place selling cases of 100 shotgun shells for the price of 75 shells (i.e., for the price of three boxes of 25 each).

Bought these Remington shells because they were on sale. I like how these boxes have pictures of cute birds or adorable rodents on them. It's like they're saying, "See what happens when you buy our shotgun shells? These are the cute animals you get to shoot! Huzzah!"

Remington 12-gauge shells

Please take note Citizen SHoPpers, your Tio Jaime loves nature just as much as the next guy. But for different reasons.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<whorecity population="SixHertz">
You fucker. I've been posting up my blingo referral URL since your goddam birthday LAST YEAR and now you have a banner up to steal the good Citizen SHoPpers away? Fuck that! That shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.



Citizen SHoPpers, I trust you to do what is right.
</whorecity>