SixHertz House of Pain

Kid Nation: Reality TV show for pedophiles and sadistic scum

2007-08-29T16:29:00.000-05:00

I can already tell this is going to be a huge failure...if it makes it on the air over the multitude of complaints.

Kid Nation on CBS

What kind of parent encourages their kid to do this? Sick.

Helmsley's Dog Gets $12 Million in Will. And, oh, around 2.5 billion given to charity...but you won't hear that from the media

2007-08-29T10:29:00.000-05:00

I never really followed the whole Leona Helmsley story, and I'm willing to bet a good percentage of Americans don't really follow or remember what she did in the '80's. All I really know is that her husband and her were convicted of tax evasion. Fine. They were caught, and I'm glad they were.

The issue here is media coverage.

The big story about her now after her death is how much she gives to her dog. $12 million. Sure, that's a lot, but only a fraction of a percent of what she gave to her charity trust fund. A trust fund that has already given millions to create state-of-the-art hospitals. Is this covered in the media? Not really.

And nobody asks the question of what happens to the money after the dog dies. I'm willing to bet it goes to charity, too. So the dog is taken care of. At least she doesn't leave Trouble in the care of Michael Vick. PETA should be building an altar to this woman.

In comparison, she stiffs her grandchildren. Good for her. If she wants to force them to make their fortunes on their own, more power to her.

Meanwhile, the mass media condemn this dead woman all for the sake of a catchy headline. Way to go, douchebags.

Cleaned House

2007-08-28T17:34:00.000-05:00

Looks like Blogger made some changes to a few things, so now it's much easier to change a template, especially with the 3-column format. This blog is now in XML.

I'm not sure if I'll keep the banner at the top of the Chicago skyline (which is where I'm based now); I may keep playing with the blog over the next couple days, so stay tuned.

Slow News Day, I suppose...

2007-07-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

I shudder to think what trolls may have scraped off the bottom of the barrel in the name of a post on this a Happy Friday.

Oh Christ. I just checked, and it was business as usual. Why do I do that to myself? Take my word for it, Citizen SHoPpers, there's nothing over there. Click on a SHoP label if you're bored enough to consider checking out shitty antics elsewhere...

But even the SHoP is not immune to slow newsdays. I was shook awake for about 10 seconds this morning, but quickly concluded that it was nothing major, and went back to sleep.

Magnitude 4.2 quake rattles East Bay
4.2 temblor shakes stuff off shelves, but no major damage

I didn't think the Leftists here could ever get so bored with Bush that they'd get excited over a 4.2 earthquake.

Seriously, even Cindy Sheehan updates would've been a better read. At least those get me riled up.

Well anycrap, about the stupid "earthquake"... here's my review. It was one of the bigger ones over the past few years, but that doesn't say much. This was too big to go unnoticed, so it wasn't small. But it was too small to get me out of bed, so it wasn't very big. It was a mediocre earthquake all around. My parents about 60 miles south didn't even feel or hear about it.

I'm getting BBQ and going shooting. Ain't the Frontier great?

holy shit this is the best solution ever! why didn't the SHoP think of this?!?

2007-07-18T14:09:00.000-05:00

Mariane Pearl sues al Qaeda over husband's killing

I think we'd all agree that Al Qaeda sucks (for lack of better word). But really, suing them?

1) Why not just serve them Cease-and-Desist letters? You better make sure the letters are in English, Arabic, Terrorist, Spanish, and American Sign Language. And start thinking of ways to accomodate illiterate terrorists.

2) Why don't I just sue the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Diego Padres for emotional distress caused by kicking the shit out of my SF Giants? It'll have the same effect...

3) You know what's a better solution than suing Al Qaeda? Killing every last one of them. Man, that'd be Priceless!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

two links and a rant

2007-07-09T02:28:00.000-05:00

Chatting with MwHCock. Two links he found, to start off your week.

OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!!
8:15 PM MwHCock: http://wcbstv.com/national/topstories_story_189163601.html JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OMG that's a Leftist Degenerate clusterfuck waiting to happen, if I ever saw one!!! MwHCock: http://www.dansmc.com/priceless.jpg JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's the best Priceless ad or spoof i've seen in 10+ years... the others are just retarded

I myself hate the Priceless ads and spoofs. Nothing screams UNORIGINAL louder and quicker than somebody nowadays trying to gank an idea from this shitty ad campaign which should've been retired before Bill Clinton took office.

Citizen SHoPpers, please join me in trying to eradicate this sub-par fad. With so many other better ones, and at least a million marginally-better ones, why must Americans limit themselves to such a shitty template?

The first two spoofs I saw were funny. The first one was some drunk chicks with an upskirt: "Your beaver posted all over the internet: PRICELESS." The second was a tasteless reference to the Columbine shootings. There. That's it. I don't see why everyody liked them so much-- you could see them coming a mile off. And oh look they jumped the shark and had animated characters. Wonderful.

Go visit those links.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chjief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Deep Impact

2007-07-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

Looks like my stupid idea of 3am Criticizing Deep Impact was more trouble than it was worth. But I've already invested a bit of time into this, so I'm going forward with it.

Nothing really to see here, except for a line or two when I talk about how black presidents are a bad idea.

And that's the best I can do with what I was given. Hopefully the offchance of seeing politically incorrect racial jabs make you search the page for "black". And really, what's this about an offchance? It's a practical certainty here on the SHoP! You'd think this is my first day as your Favorite SHoP Overlord...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n

You are now in chat room "DeepImpactedColon."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:17 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:33 PM): I've just opened up Deep Impact and was about to watch
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:42 PM): when i realized that I could 3am Criticize it
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:41:46 PM): a couple of things:
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:04 PM): 1) No, LMHBrent, "Deep Impact" is not a pr0n
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:39 PM): 2) my second monitor crapped out on me, so I'll have to keep this minimized in the background
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:42:54 PM): (this being iChat and AIM)
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:43:07 PM): although I suppose I could use my xb0x0r... standby
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:45:12 PM): OK i've cannabalized my TI-81's batteries, and i'm gonna use the xbox so i can surf the internet(s) and leave iChat in the front
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:46:59 PM): here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:03 PM): no wait
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:47:18 PM): and now my phone's ringing

The Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo has impeccable timing. How many times has she called just right when I was about to start another episode of John London's Inferno?

this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:52:54 PM): OK that was the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:19 PM): OK, here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:58 PM): this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:38 PM): and dude, the quality on my TV is kinda shitty... probably becasue I have my xbox daisy-chained through my vcr... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:51 PM): oh fuck this.... standby

this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers?

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:52:54 PM): OK that was the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:19 PM): OK, here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:53:58 PM): this DVD kinda sucks, no trailers?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:38 PM): and dude, the quality on my TV is kinda shitty... probably becasue I have my xbox daisy-chained through my vcr...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:54:51 PM): oh fuck this.... standby

My TV sucks. I don't even have RCA connections in the back, I only have one coax cable in. Don't waste too much time thinking about it. Press on, you've got a long way to go.

Here, we're finally starting the movie. Famous Last Words...

wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:29 PM): OK back to the original plan... chat windows in the background so this'll be a sparse 3am-C JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:48 PM): wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:57:04 PM): here we go JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:00:29 PM): is that leelee sobieski? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:02:32 PM): right, i'm sure it's that easy to tell if something's gonna hit the fucking planet JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:03:27 PM): oh this guy's gonna die JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:04:51 PM): wow you wouldn't have thought that one little jeep would've been all blowed up JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:10:03 PM): oops, time out JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:35 PM): OK we're back JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:10 PM): morgan freeman is cool.. but JAMES CROMWELL is freakin' AWESOME JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:17 PM): i didn't know he was in this movie!

wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:29 PM): OK back to the original plan... chat windows in the background so this'll be a sparse 3am-C
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:56:48 PM): wouldn't be surprised if the lead-up to this horizontal break was longer than the 3am-C itself...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (5:57:04 PM): here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:00:29 PM): is that leelee sobieski?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:02:32 PM): right, i'm sure it's that easy to tell if something's gonna hit the fucking planet
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:03:27 PM): oh this guy's gonna die
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:04:51 PM): wow you wouldn't have thought that one little jeep would've been all blowed up
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:10:03 PM): oops, time out
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:35 PM): OK we're back
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:10 PM): morgan freeman is cool.. but JAMES CROMWELL is freakin' AWESOME
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:17 PM): i didn't know he was in this movie!

Unfortunately, I think that was the last time he was in the movie.

well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:37 PM): the FBI! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:47 PM): before i forget, tea leoni is hot JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:49 PM): ahh he said, "What do you know about E-L-E?" JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot... JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:41 PM): she searched "E.L.E.", and found Extinction Level Event on a berkeley page! JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:20 PM): she went to Berkeley's department of paleontology page... heh, ucberkeley.edu

well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot...

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:37 PM): the FBI!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:47 PM): before i forget, tea leoni is hot
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:49 PM): ahh he said, "What do you know about E-L-E?"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): well really, since we know that there's a big damn meteor, this drama is kind of moot...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:41 PM): she searched "E.L.E.", and found Extinction Level Event on a berkeley page!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:20 PM): she went to Berkeley's department of paleontology page... heh, ucberkeley.edu

There isn't an actual Department of Paleontology at Berkeley, like the movie suggests. But here is the Paleontology Museum, which is the closest we'll be able to get for now.

we gon' git you, you stupid com-it!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:16 PM): oh damn her new stepmom is hot!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:25 PM): a large "spaceship"!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:34 PM): the Messiah!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:25 PM): wait, wasn't there another space movie where they flew up into space and landed on a big rock?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:34:52 PM): and it's Tom Hagen!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:37 PM): whoa she tied it into James Cromwell! nice job!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): "you know, you're gonna have a lot more sex now than ANYONE IN OUR CLASS"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:39:33 PM): jon favreau!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:42 PM): Red Forman!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:28 PM): "Messiah Mission Day One"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:51 PM): i thought this was the movie where they had to select a certain number of people to evacuate...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:46:34 PM): we gon' git you, you stupid com-it!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:59 PM): so why don't those rocks "the size of houses" fuck up the "spaceship"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:32 PM): right, the comet probably heats up in a matter of fractions of a second...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:44 PM): total recall was more realistic
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:12 PM): "Sit down, sit down. It's OK," tom hagen whispered to the russian cosmonaut.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:53 PM): Ok they're about to blow the nukes, but than I looked at the DVD case and there's a huge wave hitting NYC
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:02:56 PM): this won't work
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:31 PM): wouldn't an EMP fuck up your "spaceship"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:03:34 PM): ?

Yes, there's a reason I keep putting the word spaceship in quotation marks. Trust me, I haven't used the word "spaceship" since SixHertz and I were in maybe first or second grade.

there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:05:24 PM): oh see, and now you've just pissed the comet off
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:06:18 PM): heh, "the comets"... nice job america and russia!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:12 PM): "an immense network of caves"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:30 PM): in missouri. yay.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:07:55 PM): oh this *is* the movie with the evacuation
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:04 PM): "other countries are building their caves too!"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:29 PM): there, see what happens when america elects a black president? meteors try to fuck our shit up, or mexicans try to sneak biological weapons onto US soil
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:09:51 PM): Deep Impact needs JACK BAUER
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:03 PM): "the ark national lottery"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:23 PM): they're going to notify 200,000 in 5 minutes?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:10:30 PM): ha ha no men and women over 50
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:11:24 PM): ya according to SSN, that's a retarded idea
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:07 PM): heh, one big comet, one baby comet
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:13:38 PM): they should've taken their stupid "spaceship" and flown it into the baby comet hoping it'd hit the big comet
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:00 PM): "Time to Impact 2 Weeks, 3 Days"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:19:31 PM): OK there wasn't a comma, but there should've been
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:17 PM): Time to Impact 5 Days
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:28:59 PM): that's kind of a shitty perimeter...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:31:03 PM): Deep Impact kinda makes me wish that a comet was gonna hit Earth before I have a chance to finish the movie
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:32:48 PM): for fuck's sake, get to the apocalyptic mayhem already
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:02 PM): "Our missiles have failed."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:35:09 PM): damn
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:32 PM): this movie needs JACK BAUER

Or at least a different President. Morgan Freeman was kind of shitty as the president, but I understand given the whole comet-gonna-fuck-our-shit-up premise. I think that Jack Nicholson would've been better reprising his role as the POTUS from Mars Attacks! Or Harrison Ford from Air Force One.

get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!!

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:37:47 PM): Time to Impact 10 hours 37 mins
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:44:53 PM): she gave up her seat to the gimpy lesbian from ER
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:08 PM): yay!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:46:28 PM): oh ha ha, they're making them take the baby
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:47:03 PM): would've been funny if he biffed the dirtbike right there in front of them
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:18 PM): get to the fucking catastrophic comet already!!!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:49:23 PM): E.L.E. me!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:50:29 PM): awesome!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:51:18 PM): yeah, if it was hitting new york, the shoreline would've receded
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:54:09 PM): that's a great idea, show them their families so they can get distracted and fuck it up
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:56:04 PM): yeah, fuck the russian guy, huh? should've brought some whores for him
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:09 PM): well OK that was an Ok movie
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

For fuck's sake, are you through not listening to your Tio Jaime yet?

2007-07-04T04:25:00.001-05:00

I'm drunk and I still managed to win $5. What did you do at 2:15 am, California time?

See how much your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime loves you? He even found a blingo.com referral link for you despite the alcohol-induced haze. Sponsored by Jack Daniels.

One of those links is NSFW. So be careful. What's that? Why yes, I'd love some more bourbon!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- please excuse the labels. I kinda got excited. I blame the drunkenness.

What do we want? RUN SUPPORT!!! When do we want it? NOW!!!

2007-07-03T15:36:00.000-05:00

I actually wrote this Mon-dee night, but was waiting for them to take my comment down. They haven't yet, so check out the Leftist Degenerate site before they do! --TJ

See what happens when you don't play Aleph One or Halo or watch the Giants? Nevermind that the G-men have the day off, so you can't watch them anyway?

oh God, what a joke
AIM IM with MwHCock. 9:11 PM MwHCock: http://impeachforpeace.org/impeach_bush_blog/?p=2400 JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF, why would i follow that link and give them a hit? MwHCock: because it involves your beloved giants JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this better be good... JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh God, what a joke JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you should go comment that link on the SHoP JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i've been posting about the giants quite a bit

oh God, what a joke

AIM IM with MwHCock.
9:11 PM
MwHCock: http://impeachforpeace.org/impeach_bush_blog/?p=2400
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF, why would i follow that link and give them a hit?
MwHCock: because it involves your beloved giants
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this better be good...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh God, what a joke
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you should go comment that link on the SHoP
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i've been posting about the giants quite a bit

It's not that I'm too lazy to post links to the old SHoP posts, but my computer seems to be lagging in something as simple as Firefox while doing something as stupid as typing here in blogger.com. I tell you what: just click on the "Baseball" label, and you'll se a handful of Giants posts. Bye Bye Baby.

Jeff Kent's comment on the Leftist Degenerate post!
WTF President Bush?!? I helped put that banner up– we were talking about Brian Sabean! The grassroots movement to have Armando Benitez was so successful, that we're thinking bigger and bigger now! Who cares about Bush's theocrat lies, I'm just glad we're able to effect change in the bullpen without resorting to violence or other armed conflict. Who do you think was behind Barry making the All-Star team? All the mess in 2000 was child's play compared to mass-punching all-star ballots. We learned our lessons and Left No Chad Behind! Comment by Jeff Kent — July 2, 2007 @ 10:25 pm

Jeff Kent's comment on the Leftist Degenerate post!

WTF President Bush?!? I helped put that banner up– we were talking about Brian Sabean! The grassroots movement to have Armando Benitez was so successful, that we're thinking bigger and bigger now! Who cares about Bush's theocrat lies, I'm just glad we're able to effect change in the bullpen without resorting to violence or other armed conflict.

Who do you think was behind Barry making the All-Star team? All the mess in 2000 was child's play compared to mass-punching all-star ballots. We learned our lessons and Left No Chad Behind!

Comment by Jeff Kent — July 2, 2007 @ 10:25 pm

Wow! Jeff Kent himself! I can't quite fully bring myself to hate that guy. He's almost as big of a prick as Barry, they say, but he doesn't abuse the press. He wears the Dodger Blue, yes, but at one point he also wore the Yale Blue.

Yes, stupid Cal used Yale Blue. Go Bears.

Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

2007-07-03T01:50:00.000-05:00

This was going to be an update to the SHoP post "The weekend thus far", but it grew to the size of a whole nother post.

And yes, my use of the "word" nother was with derision.

<update date="20070702" time="2331">
I remembered what I had wanted to say about the Critical Mass pussies! At one point, I had to walk alongside them up 3rd Street away from Pac Bell. When we crossed Brannan Street, a firetruck started barrelling towards 3rd Street. What did they do? They stopped before the intersection and let the truck through.

What a bunch of fucking hypocrites. These are the same people who at Berkeley would march for Affirmative Action under the slogan "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" but wouldn't dare resort to physical violence or self-sacrifice. What a bunch of pussies. If they wanted to be noticed past their run-of-the-mill monthly annoyance (and yes, Blue State Fuck-Ups, nowadays you're so predictable that you've lost your edginess), they should've stopped the firetruck. Or are misdemeanors and disruption of daily life too much of an inconvenience for the Modern Left?

The Leftist Degenerates of the 60's were a force with which to be reckoned. They put the Leftist Degenerates of the 90's to shame. And don't even get me started on these Bumper Sticker Degenerocrats of today and tomorrow.
</update>

ROCK THE VOTE!!! or, VOTE OR DIE!!!

2007-07-02T12:07:00.000-05:00

I did my part. I voted. About 10 times. Don't worry, it wasn't for anything important...

Excerpt from Final push puts Bonds in starting lineup
Receiving an impressive late surge of votes in online balloting, Bonds climbed aboard the starting squad for the National League All-Star team by finishing third in the voting among outfielders. Bonds will join the New York Mets' Carlos Beltran and Cincinnati's Ken Griffey Jr. in the NL outfield. This marks Bonds' 14th All-Star selection. "I'm at a loss for words," Bonds repeated, appearing genuinely moved by his rally at the ballot box. "I'm surprised. I thought I played good enough to make the team, but I didn't think I'd start. This is great. I just can't say thanks enough to the fans here in San Francisco."

Excerpt from Final push puts Bonds in starting lineup

Receiving an impressive late surge of votes in online balloting, Bonds climbed aboard the starting squad for the National League All-Star team by finishing third in the voting among outfielders. Bonds will join the New York Mets' Carlos Beltran and Cincinnati's Ken Griffey Jr. in the NL outfield. This marks Bonds' 14th All-Star selection.

"I'm at a loss for words," Bonds repeated, appearing genuinely moved by his rally at the ballot box. "I'm surprised. I thought I played good enough to make the team, but I didn't think I'd start. This is great. I just can't say thanks enough to the fans here in San Francisco."

I've never been a huge Barry Bonds fan. I clap two, maybe three times whenever he comes up to bat. I'll consider going to five if there are runners in scoring position. Lately, I've been supporting Barry because it seems to piss off people who aren't Giants fans.

I think the Blue State Frontier is rubbing off on me a bit too much. But it seems to make up for it with sub-$100 R/T airfare to Las Vegas, much like the one being sold on Southwest Airlines' Ding right now...

The weekend thus far

2007-07-01T02:56:00.000-05:00

I don't think I have enough shit for an entire post on any of these subjects, but if I put 'em all together, it just might work...

Going to the Giants game last night against the Diamondbacks

You know you're in San Francisco when out of the following...

a) A bumper sticker in a window says cheerily "Vote Democrat!",
b) A bum is peeing on the sidewalk in plain sight just fifteen feet in front of you,
c) Critical Mass disrupts your dinner and you lose your appetite

...the least upsetting thing is b). How bad is that? I place San Francisco Degenerocrats and attention whore-y bicycle activists below human urine.

<update date="20070702" time="2331">

See update in Critical Mass had a chance to gain my respect... but took a typical Blue-State-Fuck-Up SHIT all over Third and Brannan

</update>

Diamondbacks 4, Giants 3 (10)

A pretty good game, even if I only saw one of the runs. Fortunately, it was Barry's 750th. That was awesome.

Although, that wasn't as awesome as this dirty hippie right here...

blah blah blah steroids blah blah

It was awesome, he ran out onto the field from the Lower Box seats on the LF side, ran out to Barry, shook his hand as the whole stadium cheered this guy on, was escorted back to the foul line by Barry himself, and then was escorted off by three ushers.

You'll notice that the dirty hippie is barefoot. Typical San Francisco. Two ushers escorted him into police custody, and one usher trailing behind them picked up his filthy flip-flops. This seemed to amuse me a great deal last night, and to a certain extent still does over twenty-four hours after the fact... Go Giants! If I bring my ticket stub to a Giants Dugout store, I get a commemorative 750 button!

Just came back from Ratatouille in none other than Emeryville, CA!

Everybody clapped at the end of the movie; normally, this irritates me to no end because, what, like the people who made the movie are actually in the theater with you to receive your applause?

That thought was running through my mind for a split second at the end of Ratatouille when I quickly realized, well shit, I'm in Emeryville on opening weekend for a Pixar film. They probably are in the audience. Oh, and they're cheering during the credits-- OK fine, they're here. In hindsight, I wish I myself had clapped, then.

Out of the Pixar movies, I would probably put Ratatoulle behind Finding Nemo and Cars and The Incredibles. Probably right on par with Monsters, Inc. Probably behind both Toy Stories. Who knows? It's late and I'm nodding off. I'll likely go to sleep in a few minutes and have nice dreams of Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips and/or Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper.

Enjoy the remainder of your weekend,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

God Bless the Elias Sports Bureau!

2007-06-27T11:53:00.000-05:00

This is actually even cooler then when the Giants had an all 40+ outfield...

Excerpt from Old timers' day: record 7 40-year-olds to start Wednesday,
PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Break out the Geritol, Ensure and Bengay. It really will be old-timers' day in the major leagues on Wednesday, when a record seven pitchers in their 40s are scheduled to start. The New York Yankees' Roger Clemens (44), Philadelphia's Jamie Moyer (44), Detroit's Kenny Rogers (42), San Diego's Greg Maddux (41), the New York Mets' Tom Glavine (41), Houston's Woody Williams (40) and Atlanta's John Smoltz (40) are set to pitch on the same day. The previous record of six was set last Friday, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, when all but Clemens started.

Excerpt from Old timers' day: record 7 40-year-olds to start Wednesday,

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Break out the Geritol, Ensure and Bengay.

It really will be old-timers' day in the major leagues on Wednesday, when a record seven pitchers in their 40s are scheduled to start.

The New York Yankees' Roger Clemens (44), Philadelphia's Jamie Moyer (44), Detroit's Kenny Rogers (42), San Diego's Greg Maddux (41), the New York Mets' Tom Glavine (41), Houston's Woody Williams (40) and Atlanta's John Smoltz (40) are set to pitch on the same day.

The previous record of six was set last Friday, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, when all but Clemens started.

I'm actually somewhat surprised that 1) my Giants don't have any contributions to the geriatrification of baseball in this article, and 2) infrequent SHoP Overlord SixHertz hasn't provided us with an update of his favorite celebrity and her release from jail.

I'm just racking up the SHoP labels...

love always,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

SHoP Mysteries Explained: YTMND

2007-06-27T01:33:00.000-05:00

Ever find yourself wondering just what the fuck your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime and sometime SHoP Overlord SixHertz are talking about? It's probably because they're referencing some inside joke. And you, being on the outside looking in, don't get it. Don't worry though, we're not here to judge. This happens a lot, and not just to you! I find myself playing Catch Up with a new radio show trying to figure out the inside jokes and running gags.

Here on the SHoP, we could let you flounder and research this shit yourselves, ideally by clicking on the "ytmnd" label, but I myself know just how reliable you are when it comes to following enlightening links. You won't. And again, don't worry, we're not here to judge.

But seriously, follow the links below. You'll be a better person for it. Even more importantly, you'll be a better Citizen of the Internet. And that'll pay off in spades. Somehow. Hey look! More header tags!

YTMND Fads

It's very nice how with a few magic html-dealies, a clumsily and blatantly acknowledged non sequitur can be played off as part of the post, isn't it?

You may have heard SixHertz or myself go back and forth with O RLY YA RLY here on the SHoP and derive an inordinate amount of pleasure from something seemingly stupid-- and really, that's nothing unlike how you stupid Leftists blow Rosie O'Donnell each tim she opens her stupid piehole. Well heck, here's an explanation of that ytmnd fad.

These fads start out small and blossom like crazy. Some are more popular than others. Some other SHoP favorites are Safety Not Guaranteed, Picard Song, Nooo!, and What is Love. If you're an extra-lazy Citizen SHoPper, at least check out the "Original YTMND:" listed in the right-hand column.

Facial Expressions and Nigga Stole My Bike are also pretty good. I'll plug those here.

OK, and Medieval.

You wanna get political? Here's some Howard Dean for you. And because they're so good, and you're so lazy, here... 1) hyyeeeahhhh, 2) California (Howard Dean does the OC), and 3) Howard Dean: California Love

OK Citizen SHoPpers, I've linked a lot here for you. Go check 'em out, I'm going to sleep.

STUFF THAT WAS AWESOME WHEN WE WERE PREPUBESCENT, BUT SUCKS NOWADAYS

2007-06-27T00:23:00.000-05:00

Watching The Wonder Years right now. No, it doesn't suck nowadays, but we'll address that in a second or two. I'm sure you've noticed that the stuff you liked waaay back when is too suck-tastic even for kitsch-value.

MacGyver

What budding engineer didn't love MacGyver? He was the epitome of awesomeness that required your brain and not so much karate or whatever else. (Or marksmanship, I suppose; MwHCock and I are working on that as we speak.) My favorite episode was where he went back to his alma mater (was supposed to be Cal Tech, but I don't remember what they changed the name to) and had to outwit some crazy kids in a barricade contest. Pretty awesome, except when Monday Night Football wouldn't pre-empt engineering goodness at 8pm.

But watch an episode nowadays. I was excited to buy the DVD boxset, but I haven't made it through the first season. Willing suspension of disbelief comes a lot harder after puberty I guess. The casino riot and gypsy hijinks was cool when I was like ten, not so much in my late-twenties.

Oh and SixH, Shiraz, and Waitress Chick-- MacGyver went to high school in Roseville, MN!

Sledge Hammer!

Hmm, kind of the same problem that MacGyver suffers from. The first couple of episodes are OK-- despite bazooking an entire building--

OK, I take that back. The first couple of episodes suck and should have alerted me to the disappointing nature of the following episodes. They really should've kept the laugh track in the DVD boxset, if only because we really do need to be told where to laugh.

Wanting to Make Out with Winnie Cooper

When we were all Kevin Arnold's age, oh fuck yeah we wanted to make out with Danica McKellar. Even you chicks out there. She was the cute brunette next door, and sometimes she wore go-go boots.

But now, almost twenty years later, you find yourself not attracted to her at all; maybe even repulsed. For fuck's sake, she didn't have boobs. Trust me on this one, I just saw the episode where she goes to a dance, but not with Kevin. She goes with an eighth-grader.

OK, good. Glad to see that your self-loathing reflexes kicked in there, just like they're supposed to. In case you're some kind of sick child molester, you should have remembered how you had a crush on Winnie Cooper some eighteen, nineteen years ago, resurrected the crush, and then milliseconds later dismissed the thought. All-in-all, about one second of processing in your brain there.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Jihad Jimmy, you're sick."

Well, no shit. What other breaking news stories do you have to bring to this hypothetical, internal dialogue?

"Your entire post was just a lead-in to the Making Out with Winnie Cooper bit!"

This is true. What's your point?

"Now I'm thinking about making out with Danica McKellar!"

Is this so bad? I don't see why--

"MAKING OUT WITH HER, BUT IN HER 12-YEAR-OLD FORM!"

Oh my, yes. That is bad. You do realize she had no boobs back then?

"Yeah, I know. But she was still kinda-- NO! SEE? YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN!"

I'm sorry. Let's talk about something else. I have MacGyver, Season One on DVD if you're interested...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="2323">
Incidentally, no, there isn't a disconnect between this Winnie Cooper thing and my Emma Watson fixation thing. When she turns 18, whoo momma!
</update>

I can't believe it's not Trek!

2007-06-15T16:18:00.000-05:00

Again with the Star Trek?

DUDE THIS IS AWESOME
TioJ (1:16:51 PM): DUDE THIS IS AWESOME TioJ (1:17:00 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCDIBqVsjek TioJ (1:18:39 PM): this too is awesome TioJ (1:18:40 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr2siqaAY78 CalGlock (1:20:13 PM): WOW TioJ (1:20:21 PM): this one is funny too... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CrjYpX5M3o TioJ (1:32:39 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3dJRoaLXtQ&NR=1 TioJ (1:35:10 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tP4LIj9QHM

DUDE THIS IS AWESOME

TioJ (1:16:51 PM): DUDE THIS IS AWESOME
TioJ (1:17:00 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCDIBqVsjek
TioJ (1:18:39 PM): this too is awesome
TioJ (1:18:40 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr2siqaAY78
CalGlock (1:20:13 PM): WOW
TioJ (1:20:21 PM): this one is funny too... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CrjYpX5M3o
TioJ (1:32:39 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3dJRoaLXtQ&NR=1
TioJ (1:35:10 PM): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tP4LIj9QHM

You know how we engineers just love the Trek. I'd embed these, but that's a bit much...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Non Sequi-TioJaime

2007-06-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

This Copenhagen is kinda nasty, but I feel obliged to finish the can.

Also, these little Yoplait single serving containers make handy spit-cups.

<update time="1034">
And then when you burp salami sandwich, the nastiness increases five-fold.

And in the spirit of the non sequitur, I have a new SHoP Label!
</update>

I'm such a bastard

2007-06-12T19:39:00.001-05:00

But if you've ever played Castle Wars, you'll appreciate my exacting of my revenge on that bastard Computer...

At this point, I was just fucking with him

Yeah, take that fucker. How do you like those four Curses?!? Eat that, bitchcakes! Oh what's that? I had 12 production units to your 1? Well, it sucks to be you, ASSHOLE. I won on a Curse, fucktard, how does that make you feel? Eat shit! EAT MY SHIT!

So go check out this game. Or, if you value your sanity-- don't. It's so irritating when the computer wins simply because he gets all the good cards and you're stuck producing 2 or 3 each round. Check it out, you'll see what I'm saying. After a day of playing this game, reread this post and it'll all make sense.

You want more games? Check out this old SHoP post here, for Chick Chick Boom and Insaniquarium. And then check out the Insaniquarium posts via the SHoP labels, to see a SHoP obsession from years past. I sure could go for some Hot Pockets right now, even if it is an unoriginal non sequitur...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Joe Montana on his 51st birthday!

2007-06-11T12:14:00.000-05:00

Slow day here on the SHoP. But while SixHertz contemplates his next Celebrity Update (i hope he finds some angelina jolie news. Or Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips news), I'll post about a celebrity we can all appreciate.

He's not so much a celebrity here in the Blue State Frontier (you like how I slipped in another SHoP tag?) as he is a demigod. And today is his birthday, according to my calendar.

49ers QB and bad-ass extrordinaire: Joe Montana (b. 11 June 1956)

What kind of bad-ass has Steve Young and Steve Bono as his backups? This guy right here.

wikipedia: Joe Montana
wikipedia: The Catch
Joe Montana's NFL stats
wikipedia: Joe, Montana

I was watching some NFL films special on the 1982 NFC Championship game against the Dallas Cowboys a few years back. After the Dwight Clark go-ahead touchdown, Too Tall Jones said to Montana, "You just beat America's Team."

Montana replied, "Well you can sit at home with the rest of America and watch the Super Bowl."

Happy Birthday, Joe Cool!

Go Niners!
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

<update time="1112">
Couldn't find video of The Catch for you, so here's the closest thing...

Also, I'll repost this video, as Montana did spend some time with the Chefs...

</update>

San Francisco's idiocy osmosis

2007-06-08T15:34:00.000-05:00

This cancer that is Northern California really needs to be excised from the Union. Really, who'd miss it? They'd be free to be their own retarded selves, practice their own retarded morals and values.

And if you're wondering how Tio Jaime, your favorite Red Blood Cell in the Blue State Cancer has managed to survive this long, part of it is that I'm armed. God Bless THE PURSWADER.

Excerpt from Groom's equal right to a name change would be spelled out in Oregon proposal, emphasis mine
SALEM, Ore. — A woman on the verge of marriage is faced with a plethora of choices. She can keep her last name, take her husband's last name, put a hyphen between the two last names or convince her husband to help form an entirely new surname by combining letters from both their names. State Sen. Vicki Walker, D-Eugene, figured men needed to be aware that they have the same options, so the Oregon Legislature is on its way to making it easier for a groom to take a bride's last name. Walker recently tagged an amendment onto a bill that would redesign the application for marriage licenses. The new-look application would include room for a box where the man and woman could write what they'll be called after their wedding day. The applications now have boxes for the bride's and groom's current names but no place to put what they want their new surnames to be. Walker's amendment clears up laws to state specifically that either party can take the other's name or they can choose a hyphenated combination. "We are no longer a patriarchal society," Walker told senators this week before they passed House Bill 3120 in a 19-11 vote. "This simply makes it fair." Walker told The Oregonian newspaper that she got the idea while looking at a copy of Ms. magazine.

Excerpt from Groom's equal right to a name change would be spelled out in Oregon proposal, emphasis mine

SALEM, Ore. — A woman on the verge of marriage is faced with a plethora of choices. She can keep her last name, take her husband's last name, put a hyphen between the two last names or convince her husband to help form an entirely new surname by combining letters from both their names.

State Sen. Vicki Walker, D-Eugene, figured men needed to be aware that they have the same options, so the Oregon Legislature is on its way to making it easier for a groom to take a bride's last name.

Walker recently tagged an amendment onto a bill that would redesign the application for marriage licenses.

The new-look application would include room for a box where the man and woman could write what they'll be called after their wedding day.

The applications now have boxes for the bride's and groom's current names but no place to put what they want their new surnames to be.

Walker's amendment clears up laws to state specifically that either party can take the other's name or they can choose a hyphenated combination.

"We are no longer a patriarchal society," Walker told senators this week before they passed House Bill 3120 in a 19-11 vote. "This simply makes it fair."

Walker told The Oregonian newspaper that she got the idea while looking at a copy of Ms. magazine.

Oh please. Where to begin...

OPTION 1: Just because, State Senator Vicki Walker, you look ugly enough to be a man and therefore are not able to get a man, that doesn't mean you should be allowed to fill the heads of impressionable Oregonian skanks with stupid ideas like making their future husbands adopt different names. We do, as a matter of fact, still live in a patriarchal society. The minute that I-- rather, the minute that society-- would prefer to have women soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, police officers, firefighters, prison guards, and... crab fishermen(?) over men, then and only then will we not have a patriarchal society. Good luck, ladies...

OPTION 2: I will still maintain that the best things to come from Oregon are my sales-tax-free computer, the Seven Feathers Indian Casino, and two strippers named Devon and Sunshine.

OPTION 3: Yo, she-male, LIFE ISN'T FAIR. Deal with it. If Life was supposed to be Fair, God wouldn't have made you look like an Afghan Hound.

Jihad Jimmy, Red Blood Cell in the Blue State Cancer

<update time=1359>
OPTION 4: Wait, she got the idea while LOOKING at a copy of Ms. magazine??? She wasn't reading or perusing... she wasn't even skimming an article or two? She looked at the magazine cover? Great. Way to go, feminism.

And you wonder why I want to disenfranchise you.
</update>

Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

2007-06-08T15:18:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the jackasses in LA can't figure out how to keep someone in jail, but at least she's back now.

And the slut whore is in pain. LOVE IT.

AND IT FEELS SO F*@KING GOOD!

Why am I reveling in her pain? No, not just because I hate her guts and she's a waste of skin, but because she is UNAPOLOGETIC about driving drunk. People seem to forget that, including Ann Coulter, who's another dumb bitch that should be shot.

wouldn't that be funny...

2007-06-07T13:23:00.000-05:00

Never before have I genuinely wished death and destruction in tsunami form on a group of down-trodden people. But these Primitives are just asking for it...

some AP story, didn't bother with a link since i copied and pasted the whole thing
JAKARTA, Indonesia - Angry villagers stoned a tsunami warning siren in Aceh province after it accidentally went off, triggering panic in the region hardest hit by the 2004 killer waves, an official said Thursday. Several false alarms in Kaju district early Monday sent thousands of people fleeing to high ground before they were finally urged by police to return home. Roads were clogged with motorbikes and cars for more than an hour. When another siren sounded in nearby Lhoknga later that afternoon, frustrated residents threw rocks at its electrical panel, said Syahnan Sobri of the local Meteorological and Geophysics Agency. "It was too high up, so they stoned it," he said, adding that technicians were being sent to the scene to survey the damage. The 2004 tsunami killed some 230,000 people in 12 nations, almost half of them in Aceh. The country is establishing a nationwide tsunami warning system with foreign funds, but not all of its coastline is covered.

some AP story, didn't bother with a link since i copied and pasted the whole thing

JAKARTA, Indonesia - Angry villagers stoned a tsunami warning siren in Aceh province after it accidentally went off, triggering panic in the region hardest hit by the 2004 killer waves, an official said Thursday.

Several false alarms in Kaju district early Monday sent thousands of people fleeing to high ground before they were finally urged by police to return home. Roads were clogged with motorbikes and cars for more than an hour.

When another siren sounded in nearby Lhoknga later that afternoon, frustrated residents threw rocks at its electrical panel, said Syahnan Sobri of the local Meteorological and Geophysics Agency.

"It was too high up, so they stoned it," he said, adding that technicians were being sent to the scene to survey the damage.

The 2004 tsunami killed some 230,000 people in 12 nations, almost half of them in Aceh.

The country is establishing a nationwide tsunami warning system with foreign funds, but not all of its coastline is covered.

Seriously. The world bands together, helps fix the damage from the tsunami, even helps them set up a tsunami warning system.

And they throw shit at it.

I'm sure I won't be the only one in the world laughing if a tsunami sneaks up on them and oopsie, drowns them all. Great googly moogly.

Man, what I'd give for an earthquake early warning system. The way that California is situated in and around numerous faultlines, we have a few seconds at most. Just enough to halt BART trains. Wonderful.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

BULLSHIT!

2007-06-07T09:54:00.000-05:00

It is a great day today in America if your name is Paris Hilton or if you're an illegal alien.

3 days in jail, then "reassignment home" (at her mansion, no doubt with lots of video games and cellphones) because of a "medical condition". Such bullshit for a drunk driving charge / driving on a suspended license. She could've killed someone. Special treatment, plain and simple.

Great how someone can break the law and basically get pardoned, isn't it?

Degenerate Leftists weren't too bright back then either...

2007-06-05T17:46:00.000-05:00

Got this from my 365 Sports Facts-a-Year desk calendar...

"All the King's horses" is overkill. Alls ya needs is one.

Now seriously. If you saw some stupid woman throw herself in front of some racehorses in the name of Women's Suffrage, wouldn't your first thought be, "Shit, is this the kind of nincompoop we want participating in the democratic process?"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Democracy and the idea of a representative republic works just fine-- until you let every random yahoo out there vote.

Same with procreating. We'd all be better off if not everybody who was smart/drunk enough to put Tab A into Slot B actually did. But you all get mad when your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime suggests things like mass sterilization or literacy tests. Even you Blue State Fuck-ups out there, who jump at any chance for the federal government to control part of our lives.

And that's the main thing. Our lives, not just your life. If you think that the federal government knows how to better use your money, then fine-- go ask the IRS for a higher tax rate. But please, for those of us who don't share your deluded sentiment, let us have our tax breaks.

Before you start complaining, allow me to state that the Republicans of late have not faithfully subscribed to the school of smaller, less intrusive government like we thought they did. And for this and other reasons, they lost the midterm elections of 2006. This is nothing new.

So what's the takeaway? Maybe the terrorists had it right all along and women shouldn't be allowed to vote. Except for Sandra Bullock's Nippy-Nips.

Death to the Great Satan,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Wait, you mean her staffers didn't put that PowerPoint deck up there?

2007-06-01T10:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, morons (liberals), does this mean we have to say Hillary can't spell? I guess it does, because politicians have a duty to take responsibility for what's posted behind them, even if they never mention those words in their speeches.

Two things...

2007-05-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

First, an interesting article by a former AGW (Anthropogenic Global Warming) adherent:

I Was On the Global Warming Gravy Train

Mind you, this guy is not a climatologist by degree, but he's a computer scientist who built the actual climate models for the Australian government. Makes some interesting points...

Lastly, a wonderful example of ACLU running amok... again:

ACLU sues Boeing over CIA transfers

All I had to do was read down to the 3rd paragraph to see who would win the case. Thank God for appeals.

All that's missing is single-malted scotch and a craps table...

2007-05-29T17:51:00.000-05:00

I know what you're all thinking. "Why didn't Tio Jaime think of this first?"

In addition to the Dodger Dog and the U$C Song Girls, Hollywood Park is one of the best things to come from Los Angeles. Include No Doubt if you want to say "to come from Southern California".

Jihad Jimmy
Chairman, SHoP Gaming Commission and House Gaming Control Board (Non-nude)

There's a difference between the immigrants of today and yesterday...

2007-05-22T20:43:00.001-05:00

I don't seem to remember reading in history books the same thing of Irish or Chinese immigrants to this country:

American Muslims Justify Suicide Attacks and are Al Qaida Sympathizers

If you look at the numbers at the bottom of the page, they're kind of misleading. Let me make them a bit more tangible (emphasis mine):

Only 5 percent of U.S. Muslims expressed favorable views of the terrorist group al-Qaida, though about a fourth did not express an opinion.

ONLY? ONLY?? That's a pretty goddamn big number! And if you believe the bullshit about 1/4 not having an opinion? 30% of 2.35 MILLION US Muslims is larger than the city of Boston, MA. Tell me this isn't a problem.

Only 40 percent said they believe Arab men carried out the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

There we go with this 'only' bullshit again. The AP is stupid. Unbelievable. If you actually believe a conspiracy can be perpetrated on this type of scale, you're a fucking moron.

Just over half said it has been harder being a U.S. Muslim since the 9/11 attacks, especially the better educated, higher income, more religious and young. Nearly a third of those who flew in the past year say they underwent extra screening because they are Muslim.

Umm...everyone has undergone extra screening even if they weren't Muslim. But judging from your beliefs in this poll, I'm for anal-probing at airports for all you pro-suicide-bombing, Al-Qaida-loving pigs.

Telephone interviews were conducted with 1,050 Muslim adults from January through April, including some in Arabic, Urdu and Farsi. Subjects were chosen at random, from a separate list of households including some with Muslim-sounding names, and from Muslim households that had participated in previous surveys.

So, you're telling me it's okay for the Pew Research Center to racially profile people? Oh, it's okay because you're a liberal, "progressive" organization?? How convenient. Now, if only they'd do the logical thing at airports.

The cognitive dissonance of liberals is appalling.

oh what's the hardest part about going to UCLA/U$C/Stanfurd?

2007-05-21T17:41:00.000-05:00

I contemplated incorporating Cal's colors into the background or even text of the table, but then it would fuck with the traditional red/blue which denotes dialogue here on the SHoP. The gold would've been too bright, so screw it. Enjoy the khaki.

Tio Jaime

defaulting to bgcolor=khaki. And pay no attention to the font color=red for my name...

ProfShewseffi (3:15:43 PM): yeah Cal requires a 1950 +
ProfShewseffi (3:15:45 PM): at least now
TioJ (3:15:38 PM): pigfuckers
ProfShewseffi (3:16:17 PM): i guess he is as close as it gets to being a bear
ProfShewseffi (3:16:25 PM): he can try to transfer after
TioJ (3:16:16 PM): eh
TioJ (3:16:22 PM): i imagine that he'll love UCLA
TioJ (3:16:31 PM): my little brother's right... berkeley is such a dirty fucking city
ProfShewseffi (3:16:50 PM): it is
TioJ (3:16:42 PM): i imagine i would've loved UCLA myself
ProfShewseffi (3:16:59 PM): dood
ProfShewseffi (3:17:05 PM): i got a scholarship to UCLA
ProfShewseffi (3:17:08 PM): and i rejected that place
TioJ (3:17:06 PM): oh what's the hardest part about going to UCLA/U$C/Stanfurd?
ProfShewseffi (3:17:24 PM): what
TioJ (3:17:19 PM): Telling your parents you're gay.
ProfShewseffi (3:17:35 PM): HHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

GFY Monday: Laurie David

2007-05-14T19:41:00.000-05:00

This man-o-licious woman here to the left wrote this ridiculous forward in her craptastic book, The Down to Earth Guide to Global Warming. Why do I say craptastic when I haven't read the book? All I have to do is read the forward to understand everything I need to know. Here it is, in all its commented-upon glory:
----------
To Our Three Daughters

This looks bad already...

We hope that by the time you read this, the solutions to global warming will be well under way. You already know from living with us, how concerned we are about this problem.

I don't live with you, and already I know the ever-present crap your actions inflict upon me.

Sometimes, we go over board with our reactions to everyday annoyances like over-packaged products, leaving lights on in the room, taking too long a shower or leaving your chargers in the wall.

Leaving your chargers in the wall?

We embarrass you when we glare at hummer drivers and or get emotional when we talk about drowning polar bears. But we do this because all of the things that we love and care about are at stake. We do this because we do not want the day to come when you ask us why we did not do more.

We want you to be able to enjoy snowy winters.

Dumb Hollywood whore has lived in Pacific Palisades, CA for too long. She obviously needs to freeze her ass off in a Chicago winter. Let's see how much she enjoys a real snowy winter.

We want you to be able to cool off between your sheets on summer nights.

I seem to remember sweating my ass off on my summer nights growing up in the 80's. Come to think of it, I think my parents also told me stories of sleeping with no sheets during hot nights. WHO ON EARTH COOLS OFF IN BETWEEN THEIR SHEETS DURING THE SUMMER?!

We want you to see the leaves change colors when they're supposed to. We want you to visit Yellowstone National Park and spot a bear.

Spot a bear. Spot a bear? I fail to see the connection. I hope this bear "spots" Laurie's kid. I'd like to see her appreciate nature then.

If you get a mosquito bite, we want it to itch, not carry a deadly disease.

News flash, moron. Mosquitoes have always carried diseases in the US. Malaria was wiped out here only 5o years ago. That would seem to suggest "Climate Change" and mosquito-borne illnesses are independent events. But shit! Let's go with your theory!

We don't want your generation to be the generation that is defined by mass species extinction. We want you to live in a world where we face the truth about our problems and do everything we can to solve them. We want you to grow up to be activists.

"We want you to live in a world where we face the truth about our problems and do everything we can to solve them..."

Ahem...terrorism? In agreement, but on the wrong subject.

That's why we wrote our book, The Down-to-Earth Guide to Global Warming. It's for girls like you and yes, boys, too.

Could've said "kids", but no. Let's marginalize the male sex again today, shall we?

The more people who understand global warming, the better chance we have at bringing about change -- change as individuals and change as a country.

I understand global warming plenty...but this sounds suspiciously like you're starting an inquisition of some sort...sorta frightening.

Change means accepting the fact that the way we are living is causing huge damage to our planet. Change means that once we accept that responsibility, doing everything in our power to correct our course. Change means hope, not despair. Once you understand global warming, you understand how much you can do to solve it. Time is of the essence...lets get started.

She's beyond hope.

We love you so much,

Your mothers,
Laurie David and Cambria Gordon

----------

From her biography in Wikipedia:

Before working full time on environmental and political issues, David worked in the entertainment industry. She began her career in New York City as a talent coordinator for the David Letterman show. Four years later she left to start her own management company, representing comedians and comedy writers. She also produced several comedy specials for HBO, Showtime, MTV, and Fox Television. Upon moving to Los Angeles, David became vice president of comedy development for a division of Fox Broadcasting and developed sitcoms for Twentieth Century Television.

Which makes her an authority on the complex, often misunderstood science of climate. Sign her up for the EPA.

Death to the Great Satan, oh yah you betcha!

2007-05-14T16:07:00.000-05:00

Got this from OTW Mark...

Cabbies on edge as penalties begin

Interesting. Their interpretation of ISLAM is so RADICAL (and gnarly, and bodacious, and awesome, and any other superlative from the Reagan Administration of your choosing) that it seeks to disrupt the American Way of Life there in the heartland. Nevermind that "Islam prohibits the consumption of alcohol but not its transportation", oh no no no. Gotta test the waters. Gotta have a couple of dry runs to see exactly just what you can get away with. Gotta see just how far backwards the American Anti-Semitic Left will bend over to accomodate you so you can catch us off guard.

This is of particular interest to your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime as I am likely leaving the land of Blue State Fuck-ups for Minneapolis before the pennant race heats up. If the Foxtrot-India-Alpha-November-Charlie-Echo-Echo had her way, I'd be there before the All-Star Break.

(Which takes place this year, ironically enough, a mere twenty minutes away from Fort Tio Jaime.)

The conflict seems to be as such: Muslims like living in America. (Allah knows why. They seem to hate the Great Satan and all that she stands for.) Non-muslims in America want nothing more than to co-exist with all the diversity around them. These two seem to be mutually exclusive, what with Muslims not wanting to scan frozen pizzas with pepperoni at target, or drive you home from MSP if you have wine. And all of us normal, non-jihad-o-licious Americans just want to get rung up or driven home.

So here's my solution. And this should work wonders, what with Muslims free to exercise their peaceful religion without inconveniencing Little Sally Housefrau, and Joe American not having to worry about trying to scan his own bacon...

Require all Muslims who fear encroachment upon their religion to wear a Star and Crescent on their clothing

This way, let's say I'm making my way up to the cash registers at the Super Target with those Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets (which supposedly I love so very much). I see a cashier in full burka with a Star and Crescent sewn in right below her nametag-- Hagar.

Whoops. Let's not go to her completely empty checkstand, and let's go to the one right next to hers. Oh wait, another muslim cashier? But this one seems not to be perturbed by the idea of ringing up my hot pockets. Oh, and I have coupons.

Did you follow that? See, instead of going all hitler-tastic on you and requiring all Muslims to wear the Star and Crescent... I'm only recommending it for those who want to make a big stink about the Religious aspects of interacting with infidels such as myself.

Oh, and Muslims everywhere? They support the DH. Every single one of them. WTF. How would they feel if the 72 virgins actually turned out to be 64 virgins with whom you got to have unbridled sex and commit crime-against-nature acts in the afterlife... and 8 who only gave you incomplete handjobs leaving you to finish yourself off while looking at a completely different set of 8?

I'm gonna stand by that analogy. Divide by 8 and you'll see what I'm trying to say.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Shall we play a game?

2007-05-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

Which presents the greatest threat to you?

Carbon Dioxide

Di-hydrogen Monoxide

Or Terrorism?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Update: For an interesting read, take a look at the opinion of MIT's (in)famous climatologist, Professor Lindzen. Global Warming faith-healers need not bother. Your confirmation bias is way too evident.

The Blue State Frontier can go suck a Big One

2007-05-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

I got a gyro last Fri-dee. Even though I'm a "sick racist piece of souless (sic) shit." (check out the comments there! I thought we had lost that comment forever!)

So while I was picking up said gyro, I ran into Critical Mass, who I thought stuck to San Francisco and Berkeley. After all, people in Oakland have a tendency to be black and armed. I'd imagine that they wouldn't take too kindly to stinky, dirty, scruffy white hippies blocking their way to see the Warriors. Especially not this year, I suppose.

Degenerates, now in two-wheel form!

One of them tried to greet me. I called her a degenerate. Another spewed some tired line about global warming right at me. I pantomimed jacking-off for him and all the casual pantywaist liberals to see. He said, "Fuck you!" I called him a jagoff.

Then I got my gyro. It was fucking awesome.

Ain't the Blue State Frontier great? And I'm not even surrounded by the mainstream Blue State Fuck-ups like you're expecting. No no, none of this Hillary or Obama schlock here... out here we got bona fide Kucinch retards. And every once in a while, a LaRouche nerd. Don't worry about me, worry about these deluded Blue State Fuck-ups and the votes they'll cast. But just wait it out, since their dogs don't vote, but your children do.

There's more than one way to piss off your Blue State Fuck-up neighbors. One way is to tear off their stickers because some other Blue State Fuck-ups tore off a SHoP Overlady's sticker a long time ago.

Here's another one...

Ha ha, fuck you Blue America!

I hope that I angered a liberal or two who was checking to see if her latest copy of The New Yorker had arrived. Because lookee here! An assault rifle in its place! Too bad that the rifle represents the wrong tenth of the Bill of Rights. Fuck, with campaign finance reform, they can't even get the one tenth they want right anyway.

I saw a Blue State Fuck-up's bumper sticker this morning on I-80. It said, "Protect the Bill of Rights - Impeach Bush". This doesn't seem to make sense given what we know about the anti-semitic American Left...

1) I don't think modern liberals understand the correct application of Freedom of Speech, seeing as to how they seem to misuse the word "censorship" way too often. Also, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" doesn't exactly translate to "Separation of Church and State".
2) I know they don't like the Right to Bear Arms.
3) I'm not really worried that they'll force quartering of troops on us, since they'll end up gutting the military anyway once these Blue State Fuck-ups let them.
4) I've heard many a liberal pull some "Right to Privacy" out of his ass. And oh yes, I could tell that he treated that "right" as a proper noun. Note the capitals.
5) I don't think it's us wingnuts which are into that the whole eminent domain thing.
6) Again, combatant POWs really shouldn't be afforded the same rights that are afforded regular, red-blooded American criminals.
7) I'd imagine that Leftists ain't too crazy about jury nullification. Running out of steam here...
8) It says cruel and unusual punishment, right? So cruel or unusual should be just fine...
9) OK. If health care is a right, shouldn't I have the right to say, oh i dunno, choose my own method of health care? Instead of having some socialized government piece of shit forced upon me... Or does the Right to Choose end once my mom chose not to abort me?
10) I was afraid of this one. Here's where my engineering prowess defers to somebody like OTW Mark or MwHCock. I don't know what the Tenth Amendment says that the Ninth doesn't. Or rather, vice versa, as I'm a huge States' Rights dude.

The Bottom Line: You want to protect the Bill of Rights? Don't let the Degenerocrats appoint their shitty judges.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Solution to Global Warming

2007-05-06T21:23:00.000-05:00

Here's a winner:
Children Bad for Planet

Retards.

Or, maybe, just hold your breath until you pass out, hippie.

Gratuitous Gisele Bündchen-- not that you're complaining, or anything

2007-05-01T15:50:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Gratuitous Lingerie Models-- not that you're complaining, or anything

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

I saw the article below, and thought of the post title in the recaps. Then I realized, "Shit, I used that title already."

Gisele and Victoria's Secret have split

No worries, because now this gives me a chance to push another platform on the SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime Agenda-- Apple Computer!

Tio Jaime, I can hear you asking, what's more important, some supermodel who's not Alessandra Ambrosio, or your computing platform?

And really that's not fair. Why would you make me choose? Although, not that the two are mutually exclusive I suppose.

And what's that, you say, Citizen SHoPper? This post seems kinda half-baked and half-assed? Well yes. A post entitled "gratuitous gisele bundchen" and liberally sprinkled with victoria's secret models shouldn't really be held to the normal intelligent standards which other SHoP posts are. It's surprising how much of a shitty post can be carried by Brazilian chicks in their underwears.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP salutes Northern California's most pussified Blue State Fuck-up ever!

2007-04-30T13:36:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Heh, I found the article again, and it deserves its own post instead of some fake html in an update of the original SHoP post. I was afraid sfgate.com had updated the article, but oh yes here it is for your reading pleasure.

Excerpt from THE MAZE MELTDOWN: East Bay commuters facing detours, jam-packed BART, emphasis mine
Kevin Hershey of Oakland, who owns an optical shop in San Francisco's Union Square, said his commute won't be the only headache -- his business will probably suffer, as well. "I about started crying when I heard," said Hershey. "It will definitely affect my business. East Bay people will hesitate before going into the city to shop, and a lot are going to go to Walnut Creek instead."

Oh God. For fuck's sake, dry your eyes, wipe your nose, and put on your Big Girl panties.

This is the same kind of snivelling, ball-less man that will elect Hillary or Obama. It's true-- God, I wish it wasn't, but this is typical for men in the Bay Area living in close proximity to San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley.

Admittedly, there are things that will make men cry in sadness...

Mom or Dad dies
Dog dies
Wife dies
Child dies
UCLA overcoming a 17-point deficit at the half
Wife shot dead by Nina Myers at CTU Los Angeles
You've just foiled a bioterrorist threat against Los Angeles and finally exacted your revenge on Nina Myers for killing your wife (see above)
You're holding the lifeless body of Tony Almeida in Season 5
You're trying to blog, but accidentally read a spoiler on wikipedia about Tony Almeida dying in Season 5
Now you just read one line further and found out that Jack kills Curtis Manning in Season 6
She's using her teeth

Notice that I didn't even put anything like "Giants lose World Series" or "Got fired". These are both sad, but don't justify man-cryage. You can bury your face in your hands, shake your head in denial, pace the room like a crazy man, keep muttering "oh fuck me oh fuck me" to yourself-- but no crying, please.

And if you're going to cry because your store in San Francisco is going to be affected by flyover ramps GOING AWAY FROM SAN FRANCISCO... then just don't tell anybody. Definitely shouldn't tell the Chronicle, because they might put it up online. And now Tio Jaime is calling you a pussified Blue State Fuck-up.

My favorite passage from Mary Schmich's classic column in the Chicago Tribune: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Off to lunch. Stay off the freeways.

Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)

Go suck a big one, Information Superhighway

2007-04-30T00:51:00.000-05:00

This here says that my commute shouldn't be affected tomorrow...

THE MAZE MELTDOWN
Highway buckles: Tanker overturns on I-880 connector, igniting thousands of gallons of gas -- key overpass collapses

This one says it will be...

Roadway to Bay Bridge collapses after tanker explosion

This Caltrans page has some useful information...

511.org - Your Bay Area travel guide

But this one is absolutely fucking useless...

California Department of Transportation

This Republican Caltrans engineer is crying "Go check out that fourth link right now before they change it and make this post obsolete!" all the way to work while thinking about Sandra Bullock's nippy-nips.

So I'm still not sure which freeway I'll end up taking tomorrow. I'll probably take the city street shortcut which'll spit me out right next to the bridge collapse. Or not. I really don't care. Alls I know is that everybody and their fucking uncle will be chomping at the bit tomorrow to get some shit done to help out the emergency repair.

But oh mark my words, there won't be any thing for us to do except call a few Caltrans engineers whose phones have probably been ringing off the hook since early Sun-dee morning after this accident. And the nature of our Caltrans outfit (in relation to Caltrans Construction) will be such that we won't get involved for at least another few weeks. But that won't stop people from telling us Caltrans engineers to pester other Caltrans engineers with our phone calls.

OH HOLY FUCK!!! THIS IS THE MAP I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ALL DAY!!!

Why, thank you kindly sfgate.com! But you can go suck a big one too...

OK I think I'm OK since I'd take 580 East to 80 East (which, confusingly enough, is the same freeway just north of this interchange) and that ramp is unaffected. Coming home, if I don't take 780-680-24 like I normally do... wait, I still might be in the clear, since the flyover that collapsed merges on the right with the 80 West to 580 West ramp.

I think. You confused? I don't blame you. That's why this is called the Macarthur Maze. ~~Welcome to the Blue State Frontier. I'm your host, Tio Jaime, broadcasting to you loud and proud from Fort Tio Jaime, your Red State Outpost.~~

OK the politicking was a stretch. Sorry.

Anyway, fun stuff. I'll let you know tomorrow morning how the commute was.

Jihad Jimmy
Director, SHoP Department of Pubic Works (and Public Works)

<update date="20070430" time="0925">
Commute this morning was fine. I charged head-first into the Macarthur Maze and it was the same commute I see every morning. Better, even, because people were scared off from the freeway-- there were three cars in line to go to the freeway where there are usually near twenty. People left before dawn and found out there was no traffic. Duh.

What'll be fun will be the evening commute. I didn't mention this last night in the post above, but the morning commute shouldn't even be affected. The ramps that are damaged aren't "to the Bay Bridge" like the second post above says. They're "from the Bay Bridge". People who are smart will leave at 3, 3:30 today to avoid the impending traffic snarls.

And I'm leaving at the normal time and taking 780-680-24. Like I normally do. Maybe I'll stop by Fry's.
</update>

<update date="20070430" time="0934">
Oops. You're too late if you didn't catch the fourth link earlier this morning. I've taken the liberty of stealing an astoundingly shitty-even-for-Caltrans graphic and linking to a page that tells us nothing we didn't know already.

My favorite piece of Caltrans wisdom that their shitty website tries to pass off as informational? This little ditty right here...

Oh, "personally inspected the damage". Right.
Caltrans Director Will Kempton has personally inspected the damage.

Looks like the second post is out as well, maybe it's just slow? Eh. You get the idea: Bay Area Little Brains running around all willy-nilly. I'm surprised Gavin Newsom hasn't declared a state of emergency like how Willie Brown did on 9/11.
</update>

More SHoP chat with Professor Shewseffi

2007-04-26T17:56:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

The SHoP weighs in on Virginia Tech
I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Eastmost Peninsula is the Secret
You're on the air with KJIMMY
DRY MOIST HUMP LOAF
I AM STILL A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Take a shit on my Radio-Parade, why don't you...
BOYCOTT FREEFM 106.9 KIFR!!!
Back to the Basics...
Ya got two hours. No excuses this time.
A pukefest carousel for your ears!

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 11:00 AM AND 12:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Ahh herro! More rov-ery chat with Orientarr Citizen SHoPper Professor Shewseffi. We were talking about some camcorder on sale online. I was asking advice. Not because he's Oriental and electronically inclined, but if that'll help you sleep better at night, go right ahead and think so...

Dude, i hate you. and debauchery. and deceitful charlatans.

ProfShewseffi (1:49:20 PM): get it!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:49:30 PM): too late it's gone
ProfShewseffi (1:50:11 PM): aw man
ProfShewseffi (1:50:12 PM): you suck
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:50:29 PM): WTF you're the one who dragged your heels
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:50:37 PM): by the time you told me to buy it it was sold out
ProfShewseffi (1:51:20 PM): fuck you cho seung hui!
ProfShewseffi (1:51:27 PM): you had a million chances to buy it
ProfShewseffi (1:51:32 PM): but you chose to spill my time
ProfShewseffi (1:51:42 PM): your camera was not enough you snobs
ProfShewseffi (1:51:57 PM): my time was not enough you punk
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:52:01 PM): Dude, i hate you. and debauchery. and deceitful charlatans.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:52:24 PM): WTF KIND OF STUPID ORIENTAL USES THE PHRASE "DECEITFUL CHARLATANS?"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:52:32 PM): except one that needs an ass-kicking?
ProfShewseffi (1:53:45 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

It sucks that he ate his own 9mm before somebody could pistol whip some sense into this kid. I'm not jumping onto some bandwagon here, you'll notice. I would've recommended a pistol whipping even if he hadn't shot 32 debaucherous, deceitful charlatans.

looks like someone put some hallucinogen in his daily kimchee dosage that caused him to go bonkers

ProfShewseffi (1:53:47 PM): fucking orientals
ProfShewseffi (1:53:54 PM): damn kim park hong su cho choi
ProfShewseffi (1:54:13 PM): looks like someone put some hallucinogen in his daily kimchee dosage that caused him to go bonkers
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:54:39 PM): that crazy fucker
ProfShewseffi (1:55:03 PM): hey in some sick twisted way
ProfShewseffi (1:55:06 PM): he did asians a favor
ProfShewseffi (1:55:08 PM): i mean
ProfShewseffi (1:55:11 PM): i do not want ppl to die
ProfShewseffi (1:55:36 PM): but he showed the world that asians arent just passive fuckers who do math all day
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:55:26 PM): LOL
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:55:28 PM): i guess so
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:55:34 PM): http://video.google.com/url?docid=-72185487...6kpxSPgg
ProfShewseffi (1:55:49 PM): we are some crazy gun-toting republican motherfuckers compton style
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:55:45 PM): "we" as in orientals, or "we" as in you and me?
ProfShewseffi (1:56:43 PM): orientals

The Professor brings up an interesting point. I've been tempted to play the "crazed, gun-toting, loner Oriental kid" card recently on some of these irritable Liberals who go through life racked with White Guilt here in the Blue State Frontier. God knows they're on edge nowadays because they let their tolerance get in the way of their common sense.

Or it could be that THE PURSWADER talks to me, the way that John London's switchblade Mr. Sticky talks to him on the show. And there, that's two more post labels to add.

Except that, shit, now I have to add the Jack Bauer recaps.

One more label: SANDRA BULLOCK'S NIPPY-NIPS

This next excerpt references the Mad TV clip linked above. Watch it, it's funny.

you sure it was him or some other oriental dude who looked like him?

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:57:03 PM): FREEE-ZUH!!! L.A.P.D.-UH!!!
ProfShewseffi (1:58:11 PM): AW SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (1:59:30 PM): see, these orientals are funny
ProfShewseffi (1:59:56 PM): HAHAHAHAH bobby lee
ProfShewseffi (1:59:59 PM): he did one before
ProfShewseffi (2:00:01 PM): another 24
ProfShewseffi (2:00:25 PM): hahahahahhah
ProfShewseffi (2:01:49 PM): HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
ProfShewseffi (2:03:45 PM): did you know that john cho went to Cal?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:03:38 PM): no shit!
ProfShewseffi (2:03:56 PM): yeah
ProfShewseffi (2:04:05 PM): he graduated in 99? 2000?
ProfShewseffi (2:04:09 PM): i saw him on campus a few times
ProfShewseffi (2:04:12 PM): before he got famous
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:04:13 PM): you sure it was him or some other oriental dude who looked like him?
ProfShewseffi (2:04:35 PM): yeah it was him
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:04:38 PM): OK i was being sarcastic
ProfShewseffi (2:04:58 PM): hhahhaha
ProfShewseffi (2:04:59 PM): i know
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:06:08 PM): LOL check this out
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:06:21 PM): i searched for "john cho wikipedia"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:06:21 PM): http://www.blingo.com/search?q=john+cho+wikipedia&sourceid=firefox&s=0&s=0
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:06:26 PM): look what the second result is
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:06:41 PM): LOL oh shit, john cho was an english major!
ProfShewseffi (2:07:19 PM): they all are
ProfShewseffi (2:07:21 PM): damn koreans
ProfShewseffi (2:11:07 PM): ya know... in light of all of this convo
ProfShewseffi (2:11:18 PM): we are justified to make racist comments against orientals
ProfShewseffi (2:11:25 PM): because i, too, am an oriental
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:11:15 PM): oh yes as am i

If I can get Professor Shewseffi to embrace Oriental as the preferred nomenclature, I'll have made great inroads on my latest project in political incorrectness.

we're the mexicans of the orient
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:12:38 PM): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_minority JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:14:33 PM): whoa sweet, us lazy filipinos aren't considered a "model minority" ProfShewseffi (2:15:22 PM): you guys are considered the mah-dur puckers ProfShewseffi (2:15:30 PM): in your balik bayan boxes JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:15:22 PM): we're the mexicans of the orient ProfShewseffi (2:16:27 PM): that's right ProfShewseffi (2:16:39 PM): and anything below the region of hong kong ProfShewseffi (2:16:48 PM): they are the skidmarks on the underpants of asia

we're the mexicans of the orient

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:12:38 PM): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_minority
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:14:33 PM): whoa sweet, us lazy filipinos aren't considered a "model minority"
ProfShewseffi (2:15:22 PM): you guys are considered the mah-dur puckers
ProfShewseffi (2:15:30 PM): in your balik bayan boxes
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:15:22 PM): we're the mexicans of the orient
ProfShewseffi (2:16:27 PM): that's right
ProfShewseffi (2:16:39 PM): and anything below the region of hong kong
ProfShewseffi (2:16:48 PM): they are the skidmarks on the underpants of asia

Mexicans of the Pacific Rim, Uncle Toms of the Pacific Rim. Pick 'em, I gots racial invectives galore!

Not that "Mexican" is a racial invective. It just has those connotations. Ask the Daily Californian. They edited one of my letters to the editor which referred to my Mexican friend who was running for some stupid political office for some stupid student government. She was Mexican, I've met her parents. But no, the Daily Cal had to change Mexican to Hispanic.

Not sure when or how perfectly good words like "Mexican" or "Jew" became politically incorrect. But now that they are, I'm more inclined to use them. Heh.

i knew that conversation looked familiar

ProfShewseffi (2:19:08 PM): sometimes i think that we have the funniest conversations
ProfShewseffi (2:19:08 PM): hahahahaha
ProfShewseffi (2:19:11 PM): very noteworthy
ProfShewseffi (2:19:15 PM): and worth saving
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:19:05 PM): that's why i put them up on the SHoP
ProfShewseffi (2:19:27 PM): HAHAHAH
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:25:14 PM): did you see the last time you made the SHoP?
ProfShewseffi (2:25:47 PM): yeah i did
ProfShewseffi (2:25:48 PM): just saw it
ProfShewseffi (2:25:49 PM): ahhahahaah
ProfShewseffi (2:25:51 PM): the OC
ProfShewseffi (2:25:53 PM): ahahhahahaha!!!
ProfShewseffi (2:25:55 PM): and our convo
ProfShewseffi (2:26:02 PM): i knew that conversation looked familiar

Maybe if i'm not too lazy, I'll post up some more permalinks to Professor Shewseffi's earlier SHoP appearances.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

The SHoP weighs in on The O.C.

2007-04-20T15:15:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

The SHoP weighs in on sexual predatorialosity (???)
The SHoP weighs in on Virginia Tech

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

A little late to the party on this one, it looks like. It helps that I don't watch SNL anymore, and have never watched The O.C.

Although I think I've always known that these chicks were pretty hot. I've been a fan of Rachel Bilson ever since The Last Kiss. Or is she on One Tree Hill? I can never remember. Or is it that I can never begin to care?

So I've spent part of the morning looking for that video above, because this next one spoofs it. Pretty funny, and again, sorry I'm late to the party.

I have a feeling that I'll be making another iMovie slideshow from SixHertz's wedding...

Tio Jaime

The SHoP weighs in on Virginia Tech

2007-04-18T17:34:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

The SHoP weighs in on sexual predatorialosity (???)

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 4:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

You've probably heard all the shit on the Left and all the shit on the Right about that crazy little fucker down in Virginia Tech...

...but have you heard two, real-life Orientals talk about the shootings??? I didn't think so.

So here you go. Don't say your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime never did anything for you.

WTF kind of korean kid takes english?!?

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:05 PM): yo dude
ProfShewseffi (2:53:43 PM): i know
ProfShewseffi (2:53:47 PM): ballistic koreans
ProfShewseffi (2:53:56 PM): gun toting kimchee eatingmother fucker
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:26 PM): I KNOW!!!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:37 PM): here's the problem right here...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:40 PM): i know why he was pissed
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:48 PM): he wanted to go Berkeley CE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:54 PM): but couldn't get in
ProfShewseffi (2:54:31 PM): HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:53:58 PM): and instead had to go to VA Tech
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:02 PM): and take up english
ProfShewseffi (2:54:44 PM): didn't we whoop them in football last season
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:11 PM): WTF kind of korean kid takes english?!?
ProfShewseffi (2:54:49 PM): like a preseason type game?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:27 PM): in a fucking BOWL GAME, motherfucker!!!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:29 PM): GO BEARS!
ProfShewseffi (2:55:08 PM): OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ProfShewseffi (2:55:17 PM): which bowl was it?
ProfShewseffi (2:55:21 PM): las vegas?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:50 PM): umm, maybe?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:54:54 PM): no LV bowl was BYU
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:55:07 PM): some bowl in el paso? sun bowl?
ProfShewseffi (2:55:43 PM): we played A&M last season
ProfShewseffi (2:55:48 PM): Ohhh 2 years ago?
ProfShewseffi (2:55:51 PM): 2 bowls prior?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:55:18 PM): yah i think so
ProfShewseffi (2:55:57 PM): 2004??
ProfShewseffi (2:55:59 PM): nooo
ProfShewseffi (2:56:06 PM): we lost in 2004 to Tex Tech
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:55:34 PM): fuck if i know, all these stupid bowl games get confusing now
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:55:46 PM): i liked it when we went 2-10 but still beat $C

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that we're both Republican?

Well, really, did you expect any less here at the SHoP?

Well, so we (Professor Shewseffi and myself) are two oriental republicans who don't really like orientals. God only knows how we made it through Berkeley engineering. It sure as fuck didn't help that Coach Tom and our squad of pre-Tedford Golden Bears sucked.

and when i saw him, i ran behind a chair
ProfShewseffi (2:59:50 PM): one of my roommates is a fobby korean ProfShewseffi (2:59:54 PM): like "harro" type korean JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:23 PM): dude, uncool ProfShewseffi (3:00:03 PM): and when i saw him, i ran behind a chair ProfShewseffi (3:00:06 PM): and acted scared JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:35 PM): chinese, japanese, vietnamese guys i'm OK with JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:40 PM): but not koreans JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:47 PM): oh man, that's fucking HILARIOUS

and when i saw him, i ran behind a chair

ProfShewseffi (2:59:50 PM): one of my roommates is a fobby korean
ProfShewseffi (2:59:54 PM): like "harro" type korean
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:23 PM): dude, uncool
ProfShewseffi (3:00:03 PM): and when i saw him, i ran behind a chair
ProfShewseffi (3:00:06 PM): and acted scared
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:35 PM): chinese, japanese, vietnamese guys i'm OK with
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:40 PM): but not koreans
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (2:59:47 PM): oh man, that's fucking HILARIOUS

This also means we're allowed to make oriental jokes.

Well, shit, you all can too. But it's funnier when we do it. Our eyes are already somewhat slanted. And now you have insight as to which orientals are really the crazy ones.

yeah, nice job you stupid virginian fuckers
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:01:29 PM): http://mitchieville.blogspot.com/2007/04/bill-1572-and-virginia-tech-spokesman.html JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:01:38 PM): yeah, nice job you stupid virginian fuckers ProfShewseffi (3:02:55 PM): wow JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:02:36 PM): could've avoided some of this...

If I wasn't such a lazy ass, I'd post a useful link right here... oh fuck me, fine, here you go... Foreshadowing Tragedy at Virginia Tech by Lars Larson, courtesy OTW Mark

and really
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:02:38 PM): and really JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:02:54 PM): why is everybody making such a big deal out of the bomb threats there from a few weeks ago? JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:02:58 PM): it's a fucking college JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:03:07 PM): there are bomb threats during midterms ProfShewseffi (3:04:30 PM): HHAHAHAHAHAH

At Berkeley, there at one point was like 27 fire alarms pulled all at once during midterms. It was some stupdi protest against some affirmative action referendum that the Californians voted down. Typical whiny hippie wannabe-revolutionaries, they pulled 27 fire alarms. I don't remember the exact number, but it was whatever number the proposition was. Stupid fucking hippies.

the police did their jobs

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:05 PM): if this had happened at berkeley?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:21 PM): some dude could *easily* have shot people at the Units
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:31 PM): then walked over to evans hall and started shooting people
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:36 PM): chained the doors shut
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:42 PM): there's nothing anybody could've done
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:04:59 PM): the police did their jobs
ProfShewseffi (3:06:24 PM): ahhahahahaahhaha
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:06:34 PM): gun control wouldn't have prevented Full Metal Gook from getting that glock 9 or that .22
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:08:42 PM): fuckin' english major
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:09:01 PM): go watch a fucking artsy-fartsy movie or something
ProfShewseffi (3:10:05 PM): ya those gun activists are having a field day with this one
ProfShewseffi (3:10:18 PM): they fail to realize that if someone really wanted tomsething
ProfShewseffi (3:10:21 PM): they can get it on the black market
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:10:09 PM): yah would a handgun ban have prevented this?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (3:10:26 PM): the CA waiting period wouldn't have prevented this

I don't want to rehash what the internet already did, anymore than I just did in that chat above. And also, ha ha, I reserve the right to delete comments. I'll delete ones that don't specifically address the whole oriental thing. Or comments that I just don't like.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- THE PURSWADER says hello. But don't worry. He loves debauchery and deceitful charlatans.
pps- Hmm, aforementioned jabs at english majors aside, yes, Citizen SHoPper OTW Mark was an english major, if memory serves me correctly. But 1) he wasn't some crazy oriental who wrote shitty plays, and 2) he wasn't taking english at VA Tech. For these reasons alone, this is why we have no disdain for him. Go check out his site. There's a link above.

Looks like I only have myself to blame

2007-04-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

Was going through the SHoP archives, in an attempt to fit in some last-minute tax preparation procrastination, when I found this old SHoP post...

Just when you thought that the Bay Area Left couldn't get any more unintelligible...

I've taken recently to deleting off-topic comments. Going into further detail would be tantamount to feeding certain things, so I won't. Although in the post above, it appears as if your favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime gave the greenlight to make non-topical comments...

Excerpt from aforementioned SHoP post
As it's 3am here, I myself am now bordering on the very unintelligibility towards which I'm trying to draw your once-a-month Citizen SHoPper attention. So feel free to comment below on this post, or maybe even a post you saw on OTW Mark's page!

And speaking of non-topical non sequiturs, are you Citizen SHoPpers still visiting the SHoP with IE? I had the misfortune of viewing the SHoP in IE, and man oh man our already-horrendous blog looks downright puke-alicious when it isn't viewed in Firefox.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Thanks to all you Little Brains who were so fucking excited about Snakes on a Plane

2007-04-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

This is wonderful. For fuck's sake, just STFU and stop protesting useless shit. Pick your battles! Who gives a fuck what a PBS documentary says or doesn't say about Mexi-soldiers? Mexicans don't watch PBS!

HOLY FUCK ME IN THE GOAT ASS NOBODY WATCHES PBS!!!

But no, over some stupid perceived loss or injustice or wrong committed against Mexi-dudes who are watching Sabado Gigante, now they're making Ken Burns himself (for whom an entire graphical rendering is named) take suggestions about his documentary because it didn't include enough Mexi-stories?

PBS to add Latino voices to WWII series

Why Snakes on a Plane, you Little Brains might ask? Well shit, that was the movie that was going to be so stupid that people were going to enjoy it because it was stupid, right? Wonderful marketing. At least other campy movies took themselves seriously. At first.

But what was one of the ~~cool~~ retarded things about SoaP? Oh the producers added shit in at the request of you dumbfuck Little Brains. Thanks for setting such a shitty precedent.

I've always maintained that we have way too many directors and whoever else, but let me qualify that by saying that those that are around are necessary. Let them do their fucking jobs already.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<gratuitousnippleplug>
PS- Just so I can use what could potentially be the most popular SHoP Label of all time... had Premonition been subject to this movie production via democracy, I would've suggested that both of Sandra Bullock's nippy-nips made simultaneous screen appearances, not just one at a time.
</gratuitousnippleplug>

Look! It's a 'tard!

2007-04-10T17:02:00.000-05:00

Please, God, let this Anna Nicole Dannylynn Howard K. Stern Larry Birkhead crap be over now.

And three more words: Nappy-headed 'ho. Frankly, I think the whole fuss about it is a bunch of hypocritical crap. Not accounting for the people in the media who are making a big deal out of it, I think about 2 people actually care. All it does is make me think of people who annoy me.

I took the liberty of looking up 'nappy', and methinks the first of the two definitions is probably more offensive:

diaper: garment consisting of a folded cloth drawn up between the legs and fastened at the waist; worn by infants to catch excrement

crisp: of hair in small tight curls

2 posts in the last week? Could this be a trend?

OK opening week kinda sucked

2007-04-10T02:00:00.000-05:00

1-6. That's fucking great. Abso-fucking-lutely great. Well, let's hope that it makes for many giants related SHoP posts. So let's fucking get this over with already...

it's going to be a lonnng season
AIM IM with LittleBell98. 11:26 PM CommissionerJimmy: WTF! CommissionerJimmy: "San Diego's Chris Young outdueled San Francisco's Matt Cain, who allowed just one hit in seven innings but lost 1-0 to the Padres on pinch-hitter Geoff Blum's sacrifice fly Monday night." CommissionerJimmy: how do you outduel somebody who only gave up one hit? LittleBell98: when your team sucks, you get shafted CommissionerJimmy: aside from giving up no hits CommissionerJimmy: dude CommissionerJimmy: we need shinjo CommissionerJimmy: benard CommissionerJimmy: santiago LittleBell98: hehe LittleBell98: it's going to be a lonnng season CommissionerJimmy: darren baker CommissionerJimmy: need to trade away Benitez for darren baker LittleBell98: lonnng season, dude

it's going to be a lonnng season

AIM IM with LittleBell98.
11:26 PM
CommissionerJimmy: WTF!
CommissionerJimmy: "San Diego's Chris Young outdueled San Francisco's Matt Cain, who allowed just one hit in seven innings but lost 1-0 to the Padres on pinch-hitter Geoff Blum's sacrifice fly Monday night."
CommissionerJimmy: how do you outduel somebody who only gave up one hit?
LittleBell98: when your team sucks, you get shafted
CommissionerJimmy: aside from giving up *no* hits
CommissionerJimmy: dude
CommissionerJimmy: we need shinjo
CommissionerJimmy: benard
CommissionerJimmy: santiago
LittleBell98: hehe
LittleBell98: it's going to be a lonnng season
CommissionerJimmy: darren baker
CommissionerJimmy: need to trade away Benitez for darren baker
LittleBell98: lonnng season, dude

I think your pitcher can be outgunned, but your team can still win the game. I would think that if you gave up FOUR TIMES AS MANY HITS as the opposing pitcher did, that qualifies as an outgunning. Or in this case, an outdueling.

But hey, another Matt Cain near-no-hitter? Oh he's a-comin', you NL West pigfuckers! Pray that he doesn't get some magic beans from his uncle Barry...

Oh. Not Zito. The angry black one...

dude, that patch sucks!
LittleBell98: this team's terrible CommissionerJimmy: i think they're concentrating too hard on the all-star game CommissionerJimmy: that's the only thing i can think of LittleBell98: haha LittleBell98: the patch isnt even all that exciting CommissionerJimmy: dude, that patch sucks! LittleBell98: im not even sure if i want to drive to watch them this weekend in pittsburgh CommissionerJimmy: it looked like it was thrown on the jerseys as an afterthought 11:30 PM CommissionerJimmy: kind of like the bullpens at pac bell CommissionerJimmy: "oh fuck, we forgot about the all-star patches! quick! put em where ever you can find room!" LittleBell98: haha

dude, that patch sucks!

LittleBell98: this team's terrible
CommissionerJimmy: i think they're concentrating too hard on the all-star game
CommissionerJimmy: that's the only thing i can think of
LittleBell98: haha
LittleBell98: the patch isnt even all that exciting
CommissionerJimmy: dude, that patch sucks!
LittleBell98: im not even sure if i want to drive to watch them this weekend in pittsburgh
CommissionerJimmy: it looked like it was thrown on the jerseys as an afterthought
11:30 PM
CommissionerJimmy: kind of like the bullpens at pac bell
CommissionerJimmy: "oh fuck, we forgot about the all-star patches! quick! put em where ever you can find room!"
LittleBell98: haha

Apparently near the completion of the design of Pac Bell Park, they realized all of a sudden, "oh shit, we don't have any bullpens!" So they had to squeeze them into the already cramped foul territory...

im guessing 79-82
LittleBell98: how many games you think we'll win this year? LittleBell98: im guessing 79-82 CommissionerJimmy: that'd be nice CommissionerJimmy: i think .500 is asking a bit much LittleBell98: i agree LittleBell98: this team cant compete against divisional rivals LittleBell98: just wait til the roadtrips out east start CommissionerJimmy: we're on pace to win 23! LittleBell98: haha

im guessing 79-82

LittleBell98: how many games you think we'll win this year?
LittleBell98: im guessing 79-82
CommissionerJimmy: that'd be nice
CommissionerJimmy: i think .500 is asking a bit much
LittleBell98: i agree
LittleBell98: this team cant compete against divisional rivals
LittleBell98: just wait til the roadtrips out east start
CommissionerJimmy: we're on pace to win 23!
LittleBell98: haha

We kid. We kid because we care. We're gonna win at least 30 this year. You can take that to the bank!

we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop
CommissionerJimmy: the headlines at sfgiants.com are depressing CommissionerJimmy: "Cain dazzles, but still takes loss for Giants" CommissionerJimmy: "Rough second outing for Zito in Giants' loss" CommissionerJimmy: "Ortiz's return to Giants ends in defeat" LittleBell98: we could very well be 0-7, too 11:35 PM CommissionerJimmy: oh my favorite is "Bonds, Giants not ready to panic" LittleBell98: we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop LittleBell98: haha

we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop

CommissionerJimmy: the headlines at sfgiants.com are depressing
CommissionerJimmy: "Cain dazzles, but still takes loss for Giants"
CommissionerJimmy: "Rough second outing for Zito in Giants' loss"
CommissionerJimmy: "Ortiz's return to Giants ends in defeat"
LittleBell98: we could very well be 0-7, too
11:35 PM
CommissionerJimmy: oh my favorite is "Bonds, Giants not ready to panic"
LittleBell98: we won on a wind-aided aurilia bloop
LittleBell98: haha

Just think. If the G-men were 0-7, we'd be on pace to go 0-162. How fucking rad would that be? They should give us a wild card berth just because it'd be funny.

that didnt turn out well
CommissionerJimmy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-5wcT3dtii8 CommissionerJimmy: oh i like this one too... CommissionerJimmy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=yY0Z-pnsbGU CommissionerJimmy: Erin Esurance is fucking HAWT 12:00 AM LittleBell98: marquis LittleBell98: that didnt turn out well LittleBell98: or jose, either

Unfortunately, that's the only Giants commercial from 2003 I can find online. There's another where they introduce Damian Moss and Ray Durham to the locker room. I actually have the Lou Seal beatbox one on my computer, somewhere. Got it from infrequent SHoP Overlord and Dodger Trash LMHBrent. Maybe I'll put it on youtube...

And Erin Esurance is HAWT. And Grissom and Cruz, Jr. were both wastes of eye-black.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

I WIN!!! Good day, sir!

2007-04-09T17:38:00.000-05:00

I was looking for a youtube video of that famous line from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The cool Gene Wilder one, not the Johnny Depp clusterfuck from a few years ago. Youtube didn't quite have what I was looking for, so I looked on blingo.com...

To date, I've won over $100 worth of shit. You could've too, but you didn't listen to your Tio Jaime back in this old-assed post. You probably aren't listening to him right now either.

Fuck it. Just go visit this ytmnd. Funny shit.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Congratulations!

2007-04-06T21:20:00.000-05:00

Our faithful readers will be happy to know there's one more conservative (aka, sane--of course sane, she's my wife!!) attorney in Illinois - Shiraz got her bar results today, and she's a first-time passer! Congratulations on the successful culmination of your hard work! We're partying now!!

On another note, your infrequent (yet faithful) SHoP overlord is in his 3rd quarter at Chicago GSB (and still looking for a summer internship) and busy as all hell. Thanks to Jihad Jimmy for keeping the midnight oil burning. I will get back to blogging sometime soon when things start slowing down--and I have a lot to say...

Oh man, I just shot myself in the face!

2007-04-06T14:49:00.000-05:00

No real reason for this post except to use that post title. I don't care about this, and I really don't expect you to either. It's a nice apolitical post today, with a dash of pop culture thrown in as an attempt to be funny.

S.F. girl, 14, accidentally shoots herself in the face and dies

Although I suppose it would've been funnier if she'd been named Marvin or something...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Some games for you

2007-04-04T10:36:00.000-05:00

Here are some cool games which you Citizen SHoPpers might like. You may have even pointed me towards one or two of them.

Chick Chick Boom

Cool little game which I found this morning on the linkdumps, I'll have to check it out some more later after work.

Tower Defense

A favorite of Infrequent SHoP Overlord SixHertz and Citizen SHoPper MwHCock.

Insaniquarium

A SHoP classic. No way I could omit this, what with its history here in the House of Pain.
FUCKING ALIEN ATE MY EXPENSIVE FISH. ASSHOLE.
"by the way, fyi, the electric eel is a worthless piece of shit. there. i said it."

Connect 2

Says it's easy, but this game is DECEPTIVELY HARD!!! I've only gotten to Level 2. You only get three hints! They don't recharge after each level!

OK happy gaming. I'm gonna stop playing Chick Chick Boom. For now. Feel free to post your own games in the comments. And I'm deleting comments that have nothing to do with internet games.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Dirty Hippies, Reality Television, Strip Clubs, Killing Trees, Nasty Protest Chicks, California Baseball, Leetspeak, and, um... Strip Clubs. Again.

2007-04-03T01:00:00.000-05:00

Chatting with MwHCock. He made the SHoP tonight, and for good reason. He started off by scaring the ever living crap out of me tonight...

the chicks are usually pretty hot
10:15 PM TioJ: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003647761_webwto02m.html TioJ: I hate these leftist fuckups 10:20 PM MwHCock: the chicks are usually pretty hot TioJ: dude TioJ: gimme a second... 10:25 PM TioJ: http://zombietime.com/nude_protest_at_memorial_oak_grove/ (Careful, skippy! NSFW! --Tio J) TioJ: http://zombietime.com/beach_impeach/ MwHCock: f'ing hippies TioJ: OK, find the hot chicks 10:30 PM TioJ: oh my TioJ: http://zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/ TioJ: second or third down TioJ: i like that, but i betcha she's unclean down there TioJ: oh for fuck's sake... stupid filipino commies TioJ: http://zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/IMG_2544.JPG MwHCock: we should cut down those trees in the middle of the night TioJ: if only i had my Caterpilar or John Deere keys still... =( MwHCock: we should give them some crazy tree disease TioJ: i'm still trying to find the hot chicks you had mentioned MwHCock: where? MwHCock: on bachelor? MwHCock: it's on abc TioJ: oh shit, thought you meant "the chicks [at the WTO protest] are usually pretty hot" 10:35 PM MwHCock: oh no MwHCock: me no like hippies

the chicks are usually pretty hot

10:15 PM
TioJ: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003647761_webwto02m.html
TioJ: I hate these leftist fuckups
10:20 PM
MwHCock: the chicks are usually pretty hot
TioJ: dude
TioJ: gimme a second...
10:25 PM
TioJ: http://zombietime.com/nude_protest_at_memorial_oak_grove/ (Careful, skippy! NSFW! --Tio J)
TioJ: http://zombietime.com/beach_impeach/
MwHCock: f'ing hippies
TioJ: OK, find the hot chicks
10:30 PM
TioJ: oh my
TioJ: http://zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/
TioJ: second or third down
TioJ: i like that, but i betcha she's unclean down there
TioJ: oh for fuck's sake... stupid filipino commies
TioJ: http://zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/IMG_2544.JPG
MwHCock: we should cut down those trees in the middle of the night
TioJ: if only i had my Caterpilar or John Deere keys still... =(
MwHCock: we should give them some crazy tree disease
TioJ: i'm still trying to find the hot chicks you had mentioned
MwHCock: where?
MwHCock: on bachelor?
MwHCock: it's on abc
TioJ: oh shit, thought you meant "the chicks [at the WTO protest] are usually pretty hot"
10:35 PM
MwHCock: oh no
MwHCock: me no like hippies

OK good. All is right with the world. Perhaps a bit of context would've helped? Before I went off on the Dirty Hippie tangent, we were talking about TV-- specifically, The Ri¢hes and The Bachelor...

Here's the chat a few lines prior to the excerpt above. You can see the exact second where Tio Jaime drops the ball and stops the show!

but all of these chicks are hot, yah?
AIM IM with MwHCock. 10:09 PM TioJ: goddamit, i forgot to watch The Riches 10:10 PM MwHCock: the new bachelor started tonight MwHCock: i almost missed it, didn't even know it was on MwHCock: and the first episode is always the best MwHCock: he meets the chicks fgor 3 hours, and has to cut half of them MwHCock: and they CRY, and say they had felt a real connection MwHCock: hilarious MwHCock: women are nuts TioJ: but all of these chicks are hot, yah? 10:15 PM TioJ: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003647761_webwto02m.html TioJ: I hate these leftist fuckups 10:20 PM MwHCock: the chicks are usually pretty hot TioJ: dude TioJ: gimme a second...

but all of these chicks are hot, yah?

AIM IM with MwHCock.
10:09 PM
TioJ: goddamit, i forgot to watch The Riches
10:10 PM
MwHCock: the new bachelor started tonight
MwHCock: i almost missed it, didn't even know it was on
MwHCock: and the first episode is always the best
MwHCock: he meets the chicks fgor 3 hours, and has to cut half of them
MwHCock: and they CRY, and say they had felt a real connection
MwHCock: hilarious
MwHCock: women are nuts
TioJ: but all of these chicks are hot, yah?
10:15 PM
TioJ: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003647761_webwto02m.html
TioJ: I hate these leftist fuckups
10:20 PM
MwHCock: the chicks are usually pretty hot
TioJ: dude
TioJ: gimme a second...

There, see? I thought he was talking about the Dirty Hippie Blue State Fuck-Ups, and I immediately pointed him towards zombietime.org to try to talk him down from the ledge. Luckily, it was just another misunderstanding due to the inefficiencies of chat. The same happens when sarcasm is used in chat-- very hard to detect, if it's done correctly.

i want to look at naked ladies at the strip club RIGHT NOW
TioJ: oh fuck me, i just took a look at the Memorial Stadium fuckups TioJ: i want to look at naked ladies at the strip club RIGHT NOW MwHCock: me too TioJ: must get bad images out of head! MwHCock: but i have no $

A valid excuse. On a related note, Vicetivus is coming! If you've received a bid, you know what to do. If you haven't received a bid (or don't know if you've received a bid... which means you haven't), then there's a good reason why. Don't ask your Vicetivus Elders why unless you want to be told a potentially heartbreaking truth.

i wonder if I could buy some biological tree disease from a laboratory

10:40 PM
TioJ: i fucking hate these retard fuck-ups
TioJ: for fuck's sake, arrest them, cut the fucking trees down, and build the fucking facilities already
MwHCock: dude
TioJ: if berkeley riots, i'll gather up some alums and form a militia
TioJ: "Tedford's Enforcers"
MwHCock: i think if we salt the ground around the trees we can kill them
MwHCock: and anything else that is growing there
TioJ: these fuck-ups didn't give a fuck about the oak grove until the university decided to build this sports training facility
MwHCock: i wonder if I could buy some biological tree disease from a laboratory

For those of you not in the know, or more than likely not in the care, Alma Mater Dear wants to build new sports training facilities, as our current ones suck. We probably have better facilities when we're the visiting team at other venues. But no, this construction would require cutting down trees.

Nevermind that the new plans would have more trees than the existing status quo.

No no no, gotta take naked pictures around the trees. Gotta make up stories now about how it's an ancient indian burial ground. Whatever. Fuck-ups, all of you...

oh God, these protest chicks are nasty
10:50 PM TioJ: oh hey, at the bottom of the 3/18 protest... he has hot chicks! MwHCock: link? TioJ: scroll up in chat history, right above "filipino commies" TioJ: oh God, these protest chicks are nasty TioJ: but then again, that's probably just the Northern Californian in them

Women in Northern California are really only female in the genetic and anatomical sense. Visually and olfactorily, their presentation needs a bit of work before going live. With exception of Josie Maran, Teri Hatcher, and... well, that's probably it.

Fuck-ups! all of them! California-baseball hating fuck-ups!

TioJ: Fuck these Blue-State Fuck-ups! We need the US to go back to the Philippines and 1) reopen forward naval bases and air bases, and 2) take care of the muslim problem in the south
MwHCock: Those BASTARDS!!!
MwHCock: http://www.zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/IMG_8566.JPG
MwHCock: how dare they deface our great logo
TioJ: Fuck-ups! all of them! California-baseball hating fuck-ups!

MwHCock is an A's fan. This is good. Unlike Chicago or New York, here in the bay area, you're allowed to like both the A's and Giants. OK so the A's aren't my AL team, but luckily I'm not required to hate my buddy, just because he likes them.

I actually like the A's. They're my third favorite team, behind my MLB favorite Giants, and behind my AL favorite Mariners. Unfortunately, as I explained to MwHCock over lunch today, this means I only watch the A's when they're playing interleague against the Giants or against their AL West rival M's. And then I end up cheering against them. Eh. He and I will hopefully go to opening night next week at the Oakland Coliseum.

he got owned

MwHCock: dude
MwHCock: http://www.zombietime.com/us_out_of_iraq_now_sf_3-18-2007/
10:55 PM
MwHCock: search for Snehal
MwHCock: found it?
TioJ: that berkeley professor? hold on, i'm looking right now
MwHCock: former grad student
TioJ: you know him?
MwHCock: my last summer at Cal when BrotherofMwHCock was staying with me, Cal hosted SASA (south asian student alliance)
MwHCock: they did a debate about whether or not south asians should support affirmative action
MwHCock: this guy was the debater for the pro-affirmative action side
MwHCock: he got owned
MwHCock: pnwed if you will
TioJ: ha ha
TioJ: no
TioJ: there shall be no leetspeak on the SHoP
MwHCock: dude, pwned is from warcraft
11:00 PM
MwHCock: don't you remember?

Leetspeak is to be used only mockingly on the SHoP.

YA RLY!

(and while not leetspeak, the O RLY thing is pushing the limits of acceptable internet fads for this SHoP Overlord)

i don't remember seeing that...

MwHCock: While no single usage of the term can be definitively identified as the original source,[2][3] it most likely arose and spread naturally from a misspelling of the word "own", arising from the proximity of the 'p' and 'o' keys on a standard English keyboard; however, it has been claimed by many gamers that the origin of the word comes from the PC game Warcraft II: Tides of Darkness, where a programming error results in the message "You have been pwned." When the player gets defeated by a CPU controlled opponent, the correct message should have been "You have been owned." The phrase has become an internet icon for online gamers across the globe.
TioJ: i don't remember seeing that...

That's strange. I suppose I could've been on the forefront of this "pwned" thing...

he was owned
MwHCock: back to this indian fuck MwHCock: he was owned MwHCock: he was only a grad student MwHCock: and he had to debate against Dinesh Desouza MwHCock: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinesh_D'Souza MwHCock: the crowd was acually cheering for d'souza MwHCock: that's how bad he humilated the other guy MwHCock: it was like a scene from old school

I myself prefer the scene from old school with the topless coeds in the wading pool filled with KY Jelly. Even you Leftist Blue-State Fuck-Ups can surely agree that when compared to two Indian dudes debating affirmative action, the perky, nubile, and most importantly topless coeds wins every single time.

Click to enlarge, for the love of God.

~~Even if they're Stanfurd chicks.~~ (I couldn't bring it upon myself to fully remove the Stanfurd jab, even though the antecedents may confusingly point you to the chicks in the photo. This line was here originally, before MwHCock found the pic I was looking for. Not the "pic", rather, but the "massive fuckload of pics" we all are looking for. Enjoy. --TJ)

dammit that's a great idea for a class

TioJ: i'm not sure how i managed to survive berkeley
TioJ: i hate these Leftists so much
TioJ: and really, at Cal, i was politically agnostic
TioJ: it was only during the 2000 election that the Left became so divisive that I had to come back
MwHCock: dude...
MwHCock: "The university has been lax about oversight before. Last February, the campus admitted that a student-run male sexuality class -- in which some students visited a strip club -- could have used more supervision."
MwHCock: how did we miss that class
TioJ: at that time, i would've been counting on you
MwHCock: this as may 2002
MwHCock: so class was feb 2002
MwHCock: we were gone
MwHCock: dammit that's a great idea for a class
TioJ: OK, so let's go for Cal Day
TioJ: or did we miss Charter Day already?
MwHCock: dunno

The Moral of the Story: It never hurts mentioning the Strip Club twice in your post title. Go Bears!

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update date="20070403" time="0011">

it'll tie the post together

TioJ: dude, can you find me a pic of the two topless co-eds in Old School?
TioJ: it'll tie the post together
12:00 AM
MwHCock: http://www.bullz-eye.com/mguide/film_spotlights/old_school/images/old_school_wrestling.jpg
TioJ: found that one... you have one w/the boobs?
TioJ: i'm too lazy to do a screencap
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0060.jpg
TioJ: getting closer
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0073.jpg
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0074.jpg
12:05 AM
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0096.jpg
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0097.jpg
TioJ: yep, that's the one i was looking for!
TioJ: you like 96 or 97 better?
MwHCock: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/noops_old_scholl0002.html
MwHCock: 96
TioJ: holy shit
TioJ: 96 it is
TioJ: the chick on the right is kinda blurry in 96
TioJ: how about 107?
TioJ: http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops370/old_school0107.jpg
TioJ: choose wisely, this'll be on the SHoP for a while now
MwHCock: 107
MwHCock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2340uDxuD1A

<update>

No Magic Dog this time, but I seem to be the only one that noticed...

2007-04-01T02:49:00.001-05:00

Saw Premonition tonight with a friend. We saw the reviews at Rotten Tomatoes first, but we still wanted to go check it out. Bear in mind, Citizen SHoPpers, that this is the same friend who I managed to convince to see The Butterfly Effect. After that Ashton Kutcher pukefest, I told her, in what I thought was pretty clearly a self-deprecating jab, that "she was my only friend stupid enough to want to see it with me."

I guess it wasn't interpreted that way. I finally clarified that comment tonight, on the way to Premonition.

WTF. I'm gathering up the links above, and how the fuck did The Butterfly Effect get a 33% on rotten tomatoes, but Premonition only got an 8%?!?

Go check out those links above if you haven't already, and if you trust your Favorite SHoP Overlord Tio Jaime enough, go check out the movie itself. If you're brave enough to withstand the ridicule of your friends.

I'll nitpick movies, sure, and this one certainly deserved it, but I'll still recommend this movie. Despite gaping plot holes (which it seems that everybody is picking up on), I was still entertained and kept in suspense and most importantly able to follow along. I can't speak for the Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups around me, but this rednecky oriental was able to follow it wire-to-wire.

I'll take you through the plot holes. Don't worry, this shouldn't spoil anything.

PLOT HOLE #1 - SO, REALLY, WHAT'S WITH THE FUCKED UP SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM?
Well, really, this movie seems to have taken its cues from Sandra Bullock's previous time-travel clusterfuck and ran the credits before they took the time to explain why time was all fucked up. (and as above, a clusterfuck that scored higher than even The Butterfly Effect)

The Magic Dog noted in the post title can be referenced in that wikipedia entry. Helpful timeline too. But in Sandra Bullock's film both here and last year, we're just supposed to overlook the science-fictiony gimmick? Dude, not this engineer, no sir. i already overlooked the fact that a bus can't take a cloverleaf off-ramp at over 50mph while clinging to the outer-facing sides of cars such that it doesn't explode.

PLOT HOLE #2 - WAIT, IF HER DAUGHTER'S FACE WAS CUT ON TUES-DEE, WHY DIDN'T WE SEE THE STITCHES WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED UP ON A THURS-DEE?
Well this would've detracted from the funeral on Satur-dee. C'mon now, concentrate on her pajamas!

PLOT HOLE #3 - WHAT ABOUT HER BEING COMITTED? WHAT ABOUT THE GRANDMOTHER ACTING IRRATIONALLY ABOUT THE CHILD ABUSE ANGLE? HOW DID THOSE GET RESOLVED?
She went to sleep and woke up the next morning wearing something different because it was a different day. What don't you understand about that?

I know that I'm dwelling on these holes long enough to stay up late and write a SHoP post about them, but that still doesn't mean I didn't enjoy the movie. I enjoyed it a lot, and honestly can't see why it rated so low on Rotten Tomatoes.

Especially compared to The Lake House and The Butterfly Effect.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time="0148">
Late night Cal Glockenspiel chat! Live girls standing by, waiting to talk to you!!!

did you notice how the girl broke her face on Tuesday but was totally fine on Thursday?

1:40 AM
CalGlockJimmy: where'd you go today?
CalGlockChristine: Japantown
CalGlockChristine: and Metreon
CalGlockChristine: and we watched Premonition
CalGlockChristine: don't watch it
CalGlockChristine: it sucks!
CalGlockJimmy: dude, we watched Premonition!
CalGlockJimmy: i thought it was pretty cool!
CalGlockJimmy: i'm blogging about it right now
CalGlockChristine: really?
CalGlockChristine: heheh
CalGlockJimmy: i'll send you a link in a few minutes
CalGlockChristine: I mean, Sandtra Bullock was okay
CalGlockChristine: But the rest of the cast was kind of blah
CalGlockChristine: did you notice how the girl broke her face on Tuesday but was totally fine on Thursday?
CalGlockJimmy: yah, that was one of my main beefs
CalGlockJimmy: apparently everybody's writing about that
CalGlockChristine: lol
CalGlockChristine: I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me
CalGlockChristine: but yeah
1:45 AM
CalGlockJimmy: sixhertz.blogspot.com
CalGlockJimmy: top post
CalGlockChristine: okay

</update>

A pukefest carousel for your ears!

2007-03-29T19:16:00.001-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Eastmost Peninsula is the Secret
You're on the air with KJIMMY
DRY MOIST HUMP LOAF
I AM STILL A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Take a shit on my Radio-Parade, why don't you...
BOYCOTT FREEFM 106.9 KIFR!!!
Back to the Basics...
Ya got two hours. No excuses this time.

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 4:00 PM AND 6:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

If you know your Tio Jaime, you'll know that he's a budding radiophile. See the recap posts above.

My radio schedule is now:

1) John London's Inferno podcasts from two months ago on the drive in to work.
2) Don and Mike on my lunch break.
3) John London's Inferno live in the truck now that they're back on the air in the SF Bay Area
4) More John London's Inferno podcasts once the live show is done.

This is just fine, except for the live Inferno show. Recently, they've been playing the stupidest commercial for the The Search Dog Foundation. I've found the recording of this pukefest of a commercial.

If your ears start to bleed at the end of the commercial, I apologize.

Gimme a fucking break. You were all crying? STFU before we send you to Chinatown as food.

God what a shitty commercial. It's almost as shitty as the Netflix radio commercials. I tried figuring those out, until I realized they were a huge pile of horseshit.

And no, retards, Netflix won't save you any money on gas, unless you're stupid enough to make a trip to the video store and the video store alone. Smart people hit up the video store on the way home from work. And holy sheep shit, see? You didn't waste any gas.

Radio commercials seem to be worse than TV commercials, if only because you can mute TV commercials and still see when to take the mute off. You do that on radio? Well then you're sitting there in your car listening to your own Little Brain thought wondering just exactly what the impeachable offense is.

I thank God that those useless Geico commercials are finally said and done. You know the ones where somebody saves a lot of money on car insurance by switching to Geico? Yeah, they were funny the first time. Not so funny the thirtieth time. And the new ones using various celebrities were also funny the first few times. Now, they're irritating.

Post your own in the comments. Bonus SHoPbucks to you if you post audio links too...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

LOL The password is fidelio

2007-03-15T22:48:00.000-05:00

Chatting with my buddy. It earned its way onto the SHoP.

You should probably go read the article first, otherwise it might not make sense. Gw'on now, git! It's the first line there...

Some SHoP Madness in the month of March

8:30 PM
MwHCock: http://www.drivl.com/posts/view/738
JihadJimmy: LOL Gaylord the Camel
8:35 PM
JihadJimmy: Otto the Orange?!? he's fucking rad!
MwHCock: I Know!!!
JihadJimmy: this is retarded... i'm @ #12 right now, and i bet there are gonna be some retarded choices in the top 10
MwHCock: oh no
MwHCock: keep going
JihadJimmy: Brutus Buckeye?!?
MwHCock: he looks retarded
JihadJimmy: well, OK there's no polishing a turd
JihadJimmy: LOL The password is fidelio
JihadJimmy: purdue pete as the Mask
JihadJimmy: The Demon Deacon?!? this is horseshit
8:40 PM
JihadJimmy: LOL the stanfurd tree won!!!
MwHCock: told you it was worth watching
MwHCock: sorry, reading
JihadJimmy: NP i'm watching Nip/Tuck in the background

Heh. Go Bears. And nice job today, Stanfurd, against Louisville.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Happy Pi Day!

2007-03-14T15:59:00.000-05:00

Although I'm somewhat more partial towards e, we at the SHoP cannot ignore the importance of Pi Day. And in a few seconds, I'll probably go back and add some fake posts from all the Pi Days we've missed.

Well, maybe not, i'm too lazy. And even then, it's not so much laziness that I have to work.

Here are some Pi links to aid in your celebration (or lack thereof) of wacky geometric constants. Enjoy.

3.141592653589793...
Learn to sing Pi .. 3.141592653589793... (REFRESH NO LONGER)
Real Medieval Pi
Pi vs Picard
Picard's Pi Command Code
Pi eye exam(done correctly)

Blind Date - Olde English Sketch Comedy
hardnphirm - pi - The song from the ytmnds above, if it isn't stuck in your head already...
Magnum P.I. opening

Pi - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why I hate People of Every Color

2007-03-03T14:24:00.000-06:00

Herro. Sorry that I'm so late to the table with this, but I've been busy. I myself don't hate black people, but just hate everybody in general, regardless of race. Strangely enough, I am the colorblind ideal that all of my SF-Oakland-Berkeley Leftist fuck-up neighbors strive to become. But without THE PURSWADER.

Here's some of the article. Before your Blue-State fuck-up panties get in a bunch, why don't you think about what he's saying...

excerpt from Kenneth Eng's Why I Hate Blacks

Why I Hate Blacks [AsianWeek]

Kenneth Eng, Feb 23, 2007

Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious:

• Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us.

In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.

Harsh, right? Well fuck, it's true. And before you do-gooder Leftist Blue-State Fuck-ups get all hoppin-mad, try to wrap your tiny brains around the possibility that it's true. I'm oriental, I've seen how black people in and around Oakland-Berkeley-Emeryville treat myself and other orientals.

You know what's worse than a dumbfuck oriental driver who doesn't know that she's done anything wrong? Some asshole black fucker in Oakland who 1) drives shitty, 2) knows he drives shitty, and 3) doesn't give a fuck that he drives shitty. I was behind one last night driving down Grand Avenue. And even though I'm a rednecky oriental in a rednecky truck, no, I didn't honk. I'm not stupid. Racist and hateful, true, but fortunately not stupid.

Kenneth Eng, dude, you hit it spot on. Well, OK. I wouldn't say in all seriousness that we should hate everybody, but I can understand why one might hate blacks, whites, and even your fellow orientals. Oh, and of course, this SHoP Overlord managed to catch onto what most of you do-gooder Leftist fuck-ups missed-- obvious parody and a running gag.

Two of Eng's previous articles are why he "hates whites" and "hates asians". Rather, why "whites inherently hate us (asians)". That's a running gag if I ever saw one.

I'd like to extend SHoP Overlordship to Kenneth Eng, former contributor to asianweek.com. Come, seek refuge in the House of Pain. We don't even care that you're a ignorant atheist.

I betcha I can even sell you on this oriental kick I've been on, too...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update time=1337>
I've fired a salvo at http://dontspeakfor.us, which 1) is a blog set up for specific purpose of fielding ire about this Kenneth Eng shit, and 2) has to be the stupidest URL I've ever seen. Dumb Orientals. I thought we were supposed to be good at math and computers?

For another SHoP stance on race relations, please to be checking out blackpeopleloveus.com
</update>

<update time=1347>
Hmm. Looks like dontspeakfor.us is in fact moderating comments and petition signatures (heh). Although they didn't allow a SHoP-plug, and they took off my signatures for "Chop Suey Charlie" and "Jihad Jimmy". If only they knew just how much I'm influenced by the Don and Mike show...

And really, what a bunch of stingy chinamen! I'm plugging their shitty blog! They should plug our shitty blog!
</update>

Hiccup remedy you've probably never tried...

2007-03-02T13:36:00.000-06:00

Was reading about this girl last night, whose five weeks of hiccups ended.

Sucks to be her, I guess. Nice that the hiccups stopped when she was going to sleep.

So then, as I am wont to do, I looked up "hiccup" on wikipedia, just to see what one of my newest favorite internet tubes says about something as simple and ubiquitous as a bodily function. My favorite exerpt is below, emphasis mine...

from wikipedia.org's entry on Hiccup

In 2006, Francis Fesmire of the University of Tennessee College of Medicine received an Ig Nobel prize for medicine after he published "Termination of intractable hiccups with digital rectal massage" in 1988.[1] In an attempt to block the runaway messages on the vagus nerve, Fesmire found that stimulation of the vagus nerve by digital rectal massage worked, stopping a bout of hiccupping. Fesmire also commented "An orgasm results in incredible stimulation of the vagus nerve."

So you think, "Oh, OK. Cool, a hiccup study."

Then you get that puzzled look on your face-- "Wait. Hold on...

"Massage. OK, sounds good.

"Rectal massage? Oh no, that's not as good.

"Digital. Hmm. I'm guessing that's not technological in nature. Especially not since the digits on my hands seem to be evolutionally tailored to things requiring motor skills. Like massage."

And now you realize that some professor somewhere did an entire study on this. Perhaps you're now wondering just how he recruited subjects for this study? I know I was...

HELP WANTED FOR STUDY OF HICCUPS

Got excessive and/or chronic hiccups? Don't mind touching yourself in or being touched by others in your bad area? Contact Dr. Fesmire for more info. And a good time.

Back in the third grade, our (myself and infrequent-SHoP Overlord SixHertz) teacher seemed to have numerous cures for hiccups. I don't think this was one of them though...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Unclean! Unclean!

2007-02-20T01:48:00.000-06:00

Was cleaning tonight. First, I cleaned my bathroom. Then I cleaned myself. And then I cleaned a paintball gun.

Last things first: I went paintballing on Sunday in Vacaville with some guys from work. A couple of the guys from work had a friend of one of their brother's along, he was in town from Idaho. He's somewhat of a web-celebrity...

Aaron Stanton - Can Google Hear Me?

Apparently he's trying to pitch some dealie to Google, and he's made the trek down to the bay area to try to get some face time with the Mountain View company. He was telling me that his website is one of the Top 20 Digged in history-- if that doesn't mean anything to you, don't worry-- and that e-mails of support are pouring in. I managed to kill him a couple of times, I'm pleased to say. Although at one point, he was charging at me up the side and would've taken me out had it not been for one of my dudes laying in wait unbeknownst to him.

Fun time to be had by all. Except for tonight, when I discovered that stripping a Spyder TL-X and cleaning it is a lot more difficult than breaking down my Mossberg 500 (our good buddy THE PURSWADER).

And speaking of shotguns, after I cleaned the bathroom (but before i cleaned myself) I installed this puppy here, which I received in the mail a few days ago!

Shotshell Toilet Seat

Although I thought I got it at half that price... I'll look tomorrow when I'm not so lazy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

<update date="20070220" time="0826">OK, seems as though we were wrong about the Top 20 Digged posts. But still, there is a bit of digging, and some radio hosts here too have shown a bit of interest. We'll see what blossoms...

OK, and all that effort to find the pic at right? She'd be classified as a horse-face nowdays. I liked Six better.</update>

Wow. Thanks Giants Nation, for reminding me of one of the worst things I've ever watched with my own two eyes.

2007-02-14T11:14:00.000-06:00

Pitchers and catchers report today in Giants Nation. I'm getting excited for this season, what with some familiar faces (Aurilia, Ortiz) returning to the Giants. I suppose, however, that for the rest of my life as a Giants fan, I'll have to relive this Disney-sponsored nightmare...

excerpt from Ortiz gets another shot in San Francisco

Ortiz was among the National League's premier pitchers during his Giants tenure, and his six-game winning streak helped push San Francisco into the playoffs in 2000. He later propelled the club to the 2002 World Series.

Game 6 of the World Series against the Angels would be a pivotal moment. Ortiz gave up only two hits over 6 1/3 innngs, and then-manager Dusty Baker symbolically handed Oritz the "game ball" when pulled in the seventh.

But San Francisco's 5-0 lead evaporated, and the Angels won that contest and captured Game 7 for the title.

"I still have that ball," said Ortiz.

I can still remember that day. I was watching on a jumbotron at Yerba Buena Gardens, just outside the Metreon, along with maybe a thousand other Giants fans? We all knew that Russ Ortiz was prone to loading up the bases right around the sixth inning and just barely escaping with the win, so when Dusty pulled him, we figured it was for the better.

But then Dusty handed Russ the game ball.

And with one of my fuckhead friends counting down the outs (from 27 in the first inning, which we all told him was bad luck) we were witness to yet another sad chapter in Giants History-- via jumbotron.

Again, this would not be our year.

So, while certain older Giants fans can replay Bobby Thomson's "Shot Heard 'Round the World" off of Brooklyn Dodger Ralph Branca, my friends and I are stuck with memories of moping out of Yerba Buena Gardens thinking, "Oh fuck, we're gonna lose Game 7." I fuckin' hate Anahym.

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Dispatches from the Blue State Frontier

2007-02-12T19:39:00.000-06:00

I didn't watch the Grammys. That probably stems from the fact that I don't give a fuck about the Grammys. Although I somehow managed to find out that "Weird Al" Yankovic didn't win one. That's the extent of my knowledge.

Here's a bulletin from a friend of mine. Yes, Citizen SHoPpers, he is an actual friend of mine. I don't talk politics with my Leftist friends. They don't even read this blog. Their tolerance-- even for their good friend Jihad Jimmy-- has no room for the SHoP or the Republican Party. Pity.

myspace bulletin from my friend, titled "I love 'Chicks."

Yeah.

I love 'Chicks.

A couple years back, Natalie stood on stage in front of like, 18,000 people and denounced "President" Bush and the backlash that followed from the homophobic, right-wing, Rush Limbaugh worshiping assclowns was almost overwhelming. But yet, my 'Chicks stuck to their guns and told Toby Keith where he could put his opinions on their political dialogue.

Last night, my 'Chicks stuck it up the ass of all those self-serving, war-mongering, racist Republifucks when they won Album of the Year, Record of the Year, Song of the Year and Best Country Album.

Eat that, Conservatives. Put your fuckin' head back in your suburban, beautifully manicured, hilarious and spoon-fed idealism and beliefs.

The people have spoken.

Good buddy of mine. Unfortunately this is the same guy who has forwarded me a link to Loose Change on myspace not once but twice. I was speechless.

As one of the red state republicans here in the office just pointed out, who votes on the Grammys? Here's what wikipedia says...

wikipedia excerpt about the Grammys
Like the Oscars, the Grammys, which currently have 108 categories within more than 20 musical genres of music, are voted upon by peers (voting members of the [National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences]).

Wow. I wonder just who these "voting members" are. Are they everyday Joe Blow Americans? Or are they a select cadre from people in the entertainment industry?

A select cadre, who has: 1) enough political opinion to fill some shitty, feeble attempt at a backlash, but also 2) no way to exert this political opinion save for voting in meaningless awards ceremonies.

Yeah, that sounds about right. The Dixie Chicks won awards because a Left-leaning Academy had to make some political statement, right? Don't even try to wiggle out of it, that's just embarassing. I'd have more respect for you Leftists if you just admitted basic concepts like that. As it is, you don't. And as such, I feel sorry for you and your ignorant ilk.

The people have not spoken. The select cadre has spoken. If you feel that the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences represents the best interests of you or me or your employer or your childrens' education or your religion or your lack thereof, then holy shit you don't deserve the privilege of voting in elections that decide our elected officials or policy. If you are so ignorant and celebrity-deluded that you think the NARAS represents your best path to the American Dream, then you're probably the same person who was completely devastated that Anna Nicole Smith breathed her last slutty breath.

I was just going to leave this post simply as my friend's myspace rant followed by my two-point rebuttal below. But holy shit, you Leftist-ignoramuses out there really did need everything in between spelled out for you. Especially about the bullshit that is Loose Change, so go back and read the maddox article again...

Tio Jaime's rebuttal, from Fort Tio Jaime, Your Red State Outpost in the Blue State Frontier
1) Toby Keith is a registered Democrat. 2) Blue America didn't give a fuck about Country Music until the Dixie Chicks came along. Trust me. The average Northern California Leftist can't name the Dixie Chicks.

I fuckin' hate my Blue State fuck-up neighbors,
Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Stupid women. Fucking up a perfectly crumulent study...

2007-02-12T13:10:00.000-06:00

I could post a lot more today, but work is somewhat busy. Perhaps I'll have some funny videos from the linkdumps later this afternoon. But for now, I couldn't resist this one...

I was reading some yahoo! news headlines, finding good stories. I found one that talked about how napping is good for you (heh). Unfortunately, I got bored with the article real quick and was about to close it when I just barely caught this line.

My favorite line from the yahoo! news article. Emphasis mine.
It's likely that women reap similar benefits from napping, but not enough of them died during the study to be sure, said Dr. Dimitrios Trichopoulos, the study's senior author and a researcher at Harvard University and the University of Athens Medical School.

That's pretty funny. So I started to read the rest of the article, but got bored again. So i reread the funny line. About not enough women dying.

Even if you're a humorless feminist, that line should be funny. Not as funny as how exactly you ended up at the SHoP, but it's up there. Maybe that foreign doctor fucked up his engrish? I mean, the way this line was written it sounded like there were a bunch of doctors reviewing their results and complaining to each other, "Fuck! Why don't more of these old C-bombs just fucking die already?!?"

Which, interestingly enough, is what I think pretty often when having to interact with my old, aging-hippie-chick neighbors.

Ooh. Cheap shot? Yes, probably.

But I have to burn lines to get the 240 pixels that will take me to the end of that hippiechick jpeg I put on the right.

Am I there yet? A few more carriage returns should do the trick...

Anycrap, yes. I do wish that more of my selfish, leftist, hippie neighbors would curl up and die already. That'd free up parking on my street, at the very least...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Goodbye, Vickie Lynn...

2007-02-08T15:46:00.000-06:00

This post is mirrored at Tio Jaime: Aleph One, as I was unable to post to the SHoP earlier today... It's here now, so enjoy!

I was trying to figure out various post titles... here are some of the runners-up. (And note, Little Brains, the correct plural of "runner-up")

Say it ain't so!

If I'm correct, that was the headline in the local papers when Joe Montana announced he was leaving the 49ers... or was it the Giants threatening to move to St. Petersburg?

I would've liked to have known you, but I was billions too poor...

Going with the Candle in the Wind theme here. Believe me, if I could embed some shitty MIDI, I would. And did nobody remember the horrible MIDIs of the mid/late 90s? I put them up at my xanga page for a while, until I myself was too annoyed by them. But WTF, no, now myspace felt the need to reintroduce embedded shit-music? Thanks, assholes.

Oh, I guess the real meat-and-potatoes-and-sweater-kittens of this post? Anna Nicole Smith died at age 39 today. I remember her being pretty hot before going the WHORE route, and then the nasty route. Here. wikipedia entry for you.

Well shit. Since I was stupid enough to link my blogger.com (fuck you, I ain't giving you a link) to my gmail account, now I can't get into the SHoP. And SHoP Overlord SixHertz isn't near his computer. So my devious plan of capitalizing on society's loss in the name of a SixHertz traffic spike is quickly taking a giant shit on itself.

I'm gonna mirror this post somewhere else for now...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Petty Officer Third Class Pablo Parades, First Lt. Ehren Watada... whatever!

2007-02-07T19:27:00.000-06:00

I mean really, let's not look at the reasons for or against ditching a deployment to Iraq.

Let's instead look at the mainstream American Left.

The next Leftist I see, I'm gonna ask him/her about Pablo Parades. Hopefully, I'll run into a leftist at some "Free Watada" event, that'll make it all the sweeter... Lay 9 to win 5 that my hypothetical Leftist won't be able to tell me who Pablo Parades is or what he did back in 2004.

I've believed this for a long time now, and Parades is a good example of this (Watada will be a good example, give him a year)-- The Left will prey upon your stupidity and leave you in the cold once you've outlived your usefulness to them.

I'm gonna delete comments specifically about the war or chickenhawks, because those indicate that you didn't read what little post material there was to begin with. You've been warned.

"with or without you... the deal will proceed forward"

2007-02-06T00:01:00.000-06:00

The commercials yesterday sucked. I expected a lot more. But I was able to catch wind of The Amazing Race All-Stars coming up soon (fuck you Boston Rob), and this series premiere right here...

Live, 3am Criticism of the series premiere of Rules of Engagement

You are now in chat room "AIMeatsmypoo."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:00 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:25:19 PM): OK, we're gonna have the series premiere of Rules of Engagement in a few minutes
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:28:50 PM): and again, MwHCock is the perfect example of TiVo abuse...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:12 PM): here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:28 PM): OK maybe not yet...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:39 PM): OK, here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:47 PM): "When you're single, you're exactly as happy as you are.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:30:55 PM): When you're married... oh shit i missed it
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:35:57 PM): ooh megyn price... she's hot dude
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:41:58 PM): "with or without you... the deal will proceed forward"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:25 PM): ooh wow his fiancee has nice hips
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:44:48 PM): you backed into a pole because you're a dumb housefrau who shouldn't be permitted to drive
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:58:28 PM): LOL letterman
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

That was kind of a short 3amC. This show has Megyn Price (who is freakin' HAWT) and Patrick Warburton, who I remember as Johnny Johnson from Season Five of Newsradio. He was the rival of Jimmy James. He from whom "Unka Jimmy" and consequently "Tio Jaime" were born.

This should be a good show, although it was somewhat like Till Death with Brad Garrett. Robert Barone versus Johnny Johnson would be an awesome showdown.

I meant to mention earlier, the Super Bowl had shitty commercials this year. The only ones I liked were the GM robot commercial, the Bud Light hitchhiker commercial, and that's probably it. I thought that Coke was rolling out their Coke BLAK by showing black people, but was disappointed that they were just playing the race card. I was impressed by the ads for this TV show as well as the motorcycle movie, but with a star-studded cast like that, I'm guessing that they shot their wads in the trailer...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

This is what happens when the common everyday idiot American only reads the headlines

2007-01-25T12:40:00.000-06:00

Read the whole fucking article, for fuck's sake!!!

Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters

And just as a SHoP Overlord test to see if you are reading this very article, I'll put the original articles here, after the one second in chronological order. Just to fuck with your shit.

Sponge Germs Killed In Microwave
Researchers suggest zapping your kitchen sponge

blah blah blah escalation blah blah nancy pelosi

I don't care. Tie in the everyday idiot american how you want. You wanna remind us that these same sponge-retards elected W? Go ahead. Because I guaran-goddam-tee that all of these stupid housefraus whose kitchens smell like tires now and had to break out a new sponge-- they think President Bush is doing a bad job. They'll probably vote for Hillary Clinton because she's a woman or Barack Obama because he's black and housefraus tend to feel collective guilt for being white.

Left, Right... it doesn't fucking matter. Just wet your sponge first.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ

2007-01-23T21:10:00.001-06:00

Heh. The talking heads are pointing out what your Tio Jaime pointed out in real time... the democrats didn't clap for things like a US Victory in Iraq. I guess they want us to lose.

Actually that wouldn't surprise me, as that would mean wonderful political fallout for the Degenerocrats. Ugh.

State of the Union, 23 January 2007

You are now in chat room "SixHertzHouseofSOTU."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:34 PM): hello dere!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:11:50 PM): OK, Bush just shook hands with Nancy Pelo-suck...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:03 PM): sorry i'm a bit behind the ball here... but here we go...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:28 PM): I'm watching on Fox
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:39 PM): OH FUCK YOU NANCY PELO-SUCK
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:12:56 PM): oh sweet it's Dick Cheney
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:14 PM): Nancy Pelo-suck was not a soccer mom
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:38 PM): oh yay, "madame speaker"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:13:46 PM): Get Fucked
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:33 PM): Fuck this! What a pussy
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:14:59 PM): The State of the Union must be pretty shitty then if we're starting off "Madame Speaker"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:16:58 PM): Fuck you Nancy Pelo-suck
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:31 PM): 41st uninterrupted month of job growth...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:37 PM): "economy is on the move"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:17:58 PM): heh.. "keep it that way, not with more government but with more enterprise"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:18:33 PM): oh yes, balance federal budget w/o raising taxes!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:22 PM): you smug cunt-bag
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:19:26 PM): i hate hillary clinton
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:21:54 PM): woohoo minority students
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:23 PM): yeehaw!!! RIGHT TO CHOOSE, BITCHES
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:22:52 PM): woohoo math and science skills!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:18 PM): heh, democrats weren't really too enthused about our children not being stupid
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:22 PM): oh fuck health care
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:23:50 PM): woohoo private health insurance!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:24:30 PM): standard tax deduction if you're paying for your own healthcare
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:25:31 PM): wow, all of that health care shit seems to be smarter than anything Bill Clinton or other democrat could've possibly said
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:11 PM): woohoo Health Savings Accounts!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:24 PM): woohoo helping small businesses through associate savings plans
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:34 PM): woohoo reducing medical errors through some kind of technology
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:26:46 PM): woohoo medical liability reform
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:27:18 PM): hmm, i wonder why the democrats didn't stand up for medical liability reform
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:26 PM): well, they'll sneak in to have their children here so they get automatic citizenship
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:28:47 PM): woohoo melting pot!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:29:08 PM): "without animosity and without amnesty"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:30:54 PM): woohoo ethanol
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:13 PM): i hate these snivelling democrats
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:32:21 PM): they look so seedy
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:38 PM): fuck that... stupid democrats standing up because they heard something about "global climate change"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:33:45 PM): what a bunch of narrow-minded dumbshits
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:35:37 PM): dammit, i missed what he just said about terrorists
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:36:38 PM): ha ha, fuck you terrorists
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:38:51 PM): and for most of the democrats in congress, this is the first they're hearing about the totalitarian evil that is radical islam
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:21 PM): all the democrats heard there was "ESCALATE!"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:40:28 PM): what a bunch of shitheads
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:28 PM): ooh condoleezza!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:41:52 PM): the Secretary of Hotness
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:43:13 PM): wow, notice how the democrats didn't clap at the thought of free iraqis voting in a democratic election
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:44:31 PM): grumble grumble go the degenerocrats
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:45:05 PM): i like how the democrats check first with their democrat buddies before deciding to cheer for VICTORY IN IRAQ
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:28 PM): falling asleep again...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:50:31 PM): did i miss anything good?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:51:50 PM): something about increasing the military
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:52:09 PM): good, show a marine, not stupid ole hillary clinton
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:53:19 PM): guess the democrats love iran... they weren't so quick to stand
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:54:34 PM): he must've hit on a democrat talking point with darfur... they all stood up
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:55:43 PM): 1.5 billion dollars will buy a lot of DDT...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:56:48 PM): gallery shout-outs!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (6:58:40 PM): woohoo great enterprising spirit!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:13 PM): woohoo go america
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:00:21 PM): i think that dude's daughter is asleep
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:01:43 PM): way to go, sergeant
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:04:27 PM): mmm... condi
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:08:56 PM): i'm hungry... it's time for dinner
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Listening to Senator Webb's response on behalf of the Degenerocratic Party. You shithead. Do you not understand the concept of capitalism? CEO's make money. That's what they do.

It's time for dinner. Fuck these ignorant Leftists.

Happy Kwan-Jimmy. Go fuck yourselves.

2007-01-14T05:48:00.000-06:00

Since all of you unoriginal Leftists still have your panties in a bunch over George W. Bush and Iraq and probably the 2000 election still, I figured I'd post some Iraq quotes that will rile you up because they offend your current Leftist sensibilities. Or lack thereof.

Why the President went into Iraq

[Our Armed Forces'] purpose is to protect the national interest of the United States, and indeed the interests of people throughout the Middle East and around the world.

Saddam Hussein must not be allowed to threaten his neighbors or the world with nuclear arms, poison gas or biological weapons.

I want to explain why I have decided, with the unanimous recommendation of my national security team, to use force in Iraq; why we have acted now; and what we aim to accomplish.

There's a small hint there in that table.

I wonder if you Citizen SHoPpers caught it. Probably not, but I'd be curious to see your guesses in the comments. Not that I'm gonna hold my breath waiting...

More of why the President went into Iraq

The international community had good reason to set this requirement. Other countries possess weapons of mass destruction and ballistic missiles. With Saddam, there is one big difference: He has used them. Not once, but repeatedly. Unleashing chemical weapons against Iranian troops during a decade-long war. Not only against soldiers, but against civilians, firing Scud missiles at the citizens of Israel, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Iran. And not only against a foreign enemy, but even against his own people, gassing Kurdish civilians in Northern Iraq.

The international community had little doubt then, and I have no doubt today, that left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will use these terrible weapons again.

If you'd paid attention to your Tio Jaime over the past six years, you'll know that I haven't thought of Bush to be the best Republican. I've only been moderately pleased with what a Republican president equipped with a Republican Congress has been able to produce in the face of nothing more than irritating opposition.

The strongest catchline from the Left? Dissent is Patriotic. Right. That's why the Democrats circle wagons whenever one of their own is being impeached. Or when it comes down to picking the Party over conscience.

Anycrap, with all the things that this President has done (heh, not done?), this justification for going into Iraq is solid. It's probably one of the only things history will look favorably upon out of such a polarizing administration.

Oh look! Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!

So Iraq has abused its final chance.

As the [report] concludes, and again I quote, "Iraq's conduct ensured that no progress was able to be made in the fields of disarmament.

"In light of this experience, and in the absence of full cooperation by Iraq, it must regrettably be recorded again that the commission is not able to conduct the work mandated to it by the Security Council with respect to Iraq's prohibited weapons program."

Fuck. Now I'm getting tired. Let's close this shit up, soon yah?

Ho, hum. Why the President went into Iraq! Yay!
At the same time, we are delivering a powerful message to Saddam. If you act recklessly, you will pay a heavy price. We acted today because, in the judgment of my military advisers, a swift response would provide the most surprise and the least opportunity for Saddam to prepare.

Non sequitur time, Citizen SHoPpers!

FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.

2007 corollary: Neither is rap. Heh, or golf, I guess.

A better ticket out of the ghetto is probably engineering. Or medicine. And a good way to work towards these tickets is Vouchers and School Choice.

Unless for you Leftist degenerates, "Choice" stops once the child falls out of the mother's crotch. Which I've gathered it does.

For fuck's sake, do you Degenerocrats not understand a single thing about foreign relations?
Finally, our allies, including Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain, concurred that now is the time to strike. I hope Saddam will come into cooperation with the inspection system now and comply with the relevant UN Security Council resolutions. But we have to be prepared that he will not, and we must deal with the very real danger he poses.

FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.

Said the oriental engineer who is watching Guess Who starring Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher at 3am in the safety of his own apartment. Devoid of people who both 1) love Bernie Mac more than other people do, and 2) would've been shouting at the screen had I caught this movie at the Bay Street 16.

I pray to God that you've figured the riddle out already.

The hard fact is that so long as Saddam remains in power, he threatens the well-being of his people, the peace of his region, the security of the world.

The best way to end that threat once and for all is with a new Iraqi government -- a government ready to live in peace with its neighbors, a government that respects the rights of its people. Bringing change in Baghdad will take time and effort. We will strengthen our engagement with the full range of Iraqi opposition forces and work with them effectively and prudently.

SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.

It kinda goes without saying that black people today shouldn't be paid reparations from a coffer where orientals and mexicans have chipped in. Oh, and white people too, I guess...

Ooh, look, some of the best excerpts are coming up... Pay attention, now, Citizen SHoPpers...

I'm getting real fucking tired and Guess Who is almost done...

The decision to use force is never cost-free. Whenever American forces are placed in harm's way, we risk the loss of life. And while our strikes are focused on Iraq's military capabilities, there will be unintended Iraqi casualties.

Indeed, in the past, Saddam has intentionally placed Iraqi civilians in harm's way in a cynical bid to sway international opinion.

We must be prepared for these realities. At the same time, Saddam should have absolutely no doubt if he lashes out at his neighbors, we will respond forcefully.

Oh, I can hear the whining now... blah blah blah escalation blah blah How unoriginal do you have to be that even this stupid Republican right here recognizes the Leftist talking points being passed around and barely modified to at least have the illusion of creativity.

Can I go to sleep yet? The movie's over...

I'm gonna download some R. Kelly before I go to sleep...

Heavy as they are, the costs of action must be weighed against the price of inaction. If Saddam defies the world and we fail to respond, we will face a far greater threat in the future. Saddam will strike again at his neighbors. He will make war on his own people.

And mark my words, he will develop weapons of mass destruction. He will deploy them, and he will use them.

Because we're acting today, it is less likely that we will face these dangers in the future.

I'm too lazy to post links to the Kwan-Jimmy posts, but I'm sure you can find the one post prior to this one that you're reading right now. G'won, git! The links are all there.

And special thanks to OTW Mark (and subsequently The Patriot Post) for providing all of the inspiration for this post. One small paragraph there begat this whole post. Good shit.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

ps- You never figured out the secret ending? It has to do with the bgcolor attributes of the tables...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Kwan-Jimmy!

2007-01-11T16:04:00.000-06:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Chillin' at Work...
The Convincing Message of the Democruddy Party; Kwan-Jimmy
It's the Uncle Tom, Stupid!
God Rest Ye Merry Opinionated Truth-Warriors
Les' jus' jack dis fuckin twig, den I'll show Lucy mah blacksnake!
FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Basketball is not a viable ticket out of the ghetto.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Please to be joining the mainstream of society and shut up during movies.
SIXTH PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: You weren't enslaved, and white people around you weren't slaveowners.
SEVENTH PRINCIPLE OF KJ: Having your own dorms, fraternities and sororities, graduations, and even colleges is just another form of Separate But Equal

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 1:00 PM AND 2:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Already, I've missed the first two Principles, as today is the Third Day of Kwan-Jimmy. To recap, since it's been a year since the last one...

FIRST PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Try not to have two-thirds of your children born out of wedlock.
SECOND PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: It's pronounced "ask".
THIRD PRINCIPLE OF KWAN-JIMMY: Being an "Uncle Tom" isn't that bad.

69.5% for non-Hispanic blacks. Well, just as long as you women feel liberated and not subject to some stupid, white male oligarchy. It sucks that the converse of this SHoP Overlord's premise is that illegitimate childbirth is good for America. I don't know anybody who can argue that successfully, nevermind the incompetent, Leftist sniping which always follows when we on the Right use common sense and logic.

Ask a black person to "talk white" and you'll get a pretty humourous caricature of a white person. My Black Panther professor for Sports Sociology in Berkeley had a particularly good "white voice". Oh, the Leftist pigfuckers would laugh heartily when he'd do it during lecture in Pimentel Hall (the old PSL, for you Old Blues out there). The minute that "talking white" is no longer a source of amusement for the Black Community is the moment that all this racism hoo-haa will be said and done. It's not just white people who are to blame here. Said the Oriental.

Not only talking white, but acting white too, yah? It's not being true to your African-American brothas and sistahs to study and succeed next to all your white classmates-- sounds shitty, but it's more the norm than isn't. Hey that's fine. Just don't complain that blacks as a slice of the pie chart aren't faithfully represented in all the respected professions-- doctors, lawyers, pharmacists, dentists, engineers. You name it.

One of the reasons I stopped watching Grey's Anatomy was because the fake diversity was so irritating and detracted so much from the show. No Oriental doctors but three black ones? That's horseshit. Also, no filipino nurses but a new black nurse or orderly every other week? Gimme a break! At least they're portraying the black doctors correctly-- as Uncle Toms.

In any case, have a happy Kwan-Jimmy. I'll try to post each day through MLK Day.

Jihad Jimmy

Just two random things to take away from the SHoP today...

2007-01-08T18:55:00.000-06:00

First, I find it funny how the contractor who is being paid by the State of California on the order of hundreds of millions of dollars to build a bridge on an interstate is the same contractor who can't set up something as simple as a voice mail/phone system in their jobsite trailer. Bad enough that my intended extension works only about half the time. Worse that the directory doesn't work worth shit. Worst that they don't have a receptionist for a 100-person trailer to answer phones or receive visitors.

Second, and you'll find that this is miles away from what I was just complaining about, I tried something this last weekend that LMHBrent suggested once, a long time ago back in Seattle-land.

~~1) Cut a hole in a box~~
1) Weigh yourself
2) Take a massive dump
3) Weigh yourself again
4) Do the Math

I was about to commence the pooping at the Marquette Hotel in downtown Minneapolis this past weekend, when lo and behold, there's a scale in the bathroom!

Imagine my surprise (and yours too, because I know deep down in your sick minds you were wondering just how much poop a husky-sized Filipino SHoP Overlord can make) when my W-sub-2 was higher than my W-sub-1. Somehow, I gained a pound pooping.

Happy Monday. I'm off to Fry's.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Why no, who did you think I was talking about in this post?

2007-01-04T15:23:00.000-06:00

This is directed to nobody in particular. Heh.

This Thread has Been DeRailed Happens way too much here.

Sorry. Couldn't embed that animation on this page because I'm lazy. Rather, I'm busy at work. Enjoy.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

And after all that, I still can't think of a post title...

2006-12-28T14:02:00.000-06:00

Here ya go. Some politics for you. Although it's not so much right wing SHoPping as it is Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith just sniping stupid things some politician said and did as well as the stupid things journalists will put into print and try to pass off as news.

Edwards launches bid for U.S. presidency - Yahoo! News

And no, don't try to turn the tables here and tell me that i'm writing right now. This is true but fortunately for us, it's not my real job. I'm just some oriental engineer who is waiting for other oriental engineers to call him back. And so I'll write about some news story I found in the interim. Press on, Citizen SHoPpers!

excerpt from yahoo! article
NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - In a bleak New Orleans neighborhood still wrecked from Hurricane Katrina, Democrat John Edwards launched a run for the presidency on Thursday with a call to cut U.S. troops in Iraq, restore American leadership in the world and end poverty.

Whoa. I thought it said "In a black New Orleans neighborhood..."

another excerpt from yahoo! article
"We didn't used to be the country of Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. We were the great light for the rest of the world and America needs to be that light again," said Edwards, wearing blue jeans, work boots and an open-neck shirt.

Sort of like a "shining city on hill", perhaps? Sure, we can do that again. Just realize that people didn't like us back then, people don't like us right now. There are gonna be people who don't like us no matter what we say or do, no matter which countries we aid or don't aid, no matter which islamic religions we pander to. Better to take care of our own shit and not give a fuck what these other, unimportant countries say or think about us. Unless of course, they think they can step to our shit. Then we need to remind them.

oh yay. another excerpt from yahoo! article
He also said the United States should join the fight against global warming.

Right. Because we don't do that right now. Wake up, dude. Thought your party was in touch with the common man?

And if I can insert my Berkeley-bolstered, Civil-and-Environmental-Engineering-based, scientific opinion here (And Ignorant Leftists take note, despite my credentials which take a shit on your lack of credentials, it's still an opinion), global warming is still a farce. If you still believe that shit, you deserve to have the Degenerocrats run your lives from their Vultures' Nests in Congress and eventually the White House because God knows you dumbfucks are stupid enough to elect Hiliary.

SixHertz and I believed in global warming, sure. When we were in elementary school. He probably believed in it through the eighth grade, but I stopped before the fifth grade. We grew up. Did you?

And no, I'm not addressing anybody in particular. But that's the fun of reading political rants where I set up a nice straw man only to tear him apart much to the delight of those who agree with me, and to the disdain of those ignorant ones who aren't fortunate enough to agree with me. Heh, there I go again...

more degenerocrat shittiness from the yahoo! article

"TWO AMERICAS"

To drive home his populist message, Edwards opened his campaign in New Orleans' debris-strewn Ninth Ward, which was wiped out in Hurricane Katrina last year and where the storm's mostly poor victims are still struggling to rebuild.

"New Orleans in so many ways shows the two Americas I have talked about in the past," he said. "We need to show that the most powerful nation on the earth won't stand by and let this continue."

Two Americas? Like Chocolate and Vanilla?

And the article is phrased somewhat stupidly. I guess they stopped teaching that "Principles of Antecedents" course in Jernalizm Skool...

So there's this: ...where the storm's mostly poor victims are still struggling to rebuild.

and then ya got this: "We need to show that the most powerful nation on the earth won't stand by and let this continue."

So John Edwards doesn't want the Chocolate people of New Orleans to continue rebuilding?!? NO WAI!

even more degenerocrat shittiness from the yahoo! article
He has proposed work, housing and school measures aimed at lifting millions of Americans out of poverty in the next 10 years, and wants a goal of ending poverty within 30 years.

Didn't Reagan do something like that? Oh yeah, it was called "expanding the middle class".

And why would the degenerocrats want to do this anyway? Make entrepreneurial Republican small business owners who will want to keep more of what they've earned instead of paying for wider, shittier government? That's kind of dangerous. The Degenerocrats should just stick to aborting future democrats in the womb like they're doing right now. They're good at that.

A smaller amount of abortions before 1982 probably would've turned the tide in 2000 for Gore, don'tcha think? But then what would you have complained about, what with nobody having "stolen" the presidency.

But back to Edwards stealing one of Reagan's ideas-- he'd probably fuck that up too. Instead of proposing work, housing, and school measures the better solution would be to cut taxes. You cut taxes, you create jobs. You cut taxes, more people can buy houses. You cut taxes, more parents have school choice.

Or does Choice stop after the baby pops out of the mother? Ask John Edwards. He has the ability to channel them from inside the womb.

enough yahoo! shittiness already!
His roots in the South, where he grew up in North and South Carolina, could be an asset for a party trying to broaden its appeal. The last three Democratic presidents -- Lyndon Johnson of Texas, Jimmy Carter of Georgia and Bill Clinton of Arkansas -- were from the South.

Whatever. So was Al Gore. And we see how well that worked out for him. What a stupid statistic.

And Johnson? OK so he ran a year after JFK's assassination and invoked the name all over his campaign. Of course he's gonna win. He would've won if he was wearing Jackie Kennedy's underwear on the outside.

Jack's brother... Dick

2006-12-18T17:11:00.000-06:00

This is making its way through the linkdumps right now.

Use the entensity link first, because the mirror gives away the punchline before the hook. And don't even hover over the mirror links below, as the links will give it away.

from Entensity.net
mirror: from bulletinboardforum.com, found at Attu Sees All

Is the post title making more sense now?

Jihad Jimmy

that should be the slogan for Cal Football 2K7: "Holiday Bowl. No more, no less."

2006-12-11T02:12:00.000-06:00

Found this chat sitting in the Drafts. This was before Big Game.

Big Game Chat

Rafterman (6:36:57 PM): you ready for big game?!?!!?
JihadJimmy (6:37:23 PM): dude, we've secured our Holiday Bowl berth... we don't really need to win this saturday
Rafterman (6:37:32 PM): haha
JihadJimmy (6:37:33 PM): we need to look ahead to the Holiday Bowl
Rafterman (6:37:37 PM): PUT IN AYOOB!!!
JihadJimmy (6:37:40 PM): LOL
JihadJimmy (6:37:47 PM): Levy
JihadJimmy (6:37:52 PM): start levy this saturday
Rafterman (6:37:54 PM): longshore needs to conserve power for next season
Rafterman (6:37:58 PM): haha
Rafterman (6:38:09 PM): last I saw, we were favored by 28.5
JihadJimmy (6:38:12 PM): LOL
JihadJimmy (6:38:16 PM): oh that's hilarious!
JihadJimmy (6:38:27 PM): we're gonna stomp on stanfurd so hard
Rafterman (6:38:42 PM): after losing to SC, the team should be pissed
Rafterman (6:38:46 PM): and we're playing at home
JihadJimmy (6:38:58 PM): oh our thug fans are gonna be pissed too
Rafterman (6:39:12 PM): time for the players to pad their stats
Rafterman (6:39:17 PM): 2 INT for Hughes
Rafterman (6:39:21 PM): at least
JihadJimmy (6:39:33 PM): although one of them, likely a filipino alum, will be satisfied and contented that we have accomplished our season goal of... Holiday Bowl!
JihadJimmy (6:40:02 PM): that should be the slogan for Cal Football 2K7: "Holiday Bowl. No more, no less."
Rafterman (6:42:48 PM): this year, we better win the holiday bowl

We didn't beat Stanfurd by 28-1/2 points. We beat them by 9. Shouldn't have been that close. Hughes didn't get 2 interceptions. Longshore had a completion percentage of under 50%. Lynch was held to under 70 yards? The game was a somewhat disappointing end to the regular college football season. And again, the Holiday Bowl is scheduled for the Thursday night after Christmas. I don't think I'll be able to watch the game, what with that pesky work thing and all...

Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Just when you thought that the Bay Area Left couldn't get any more unintelligible...

2006-12-10T04:32:00.000-06:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

Just when you thought San Franciscans couldn't get any more annoying...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 AM AND 3:00 AM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

Been a while since the last Jack Bauer recap, huh? The last one was back on 16 October, when I was telling you wonderful Citizen SHoPpers to tune into John London's Inferno. And how many of you actually did? That's right. I didn't think so.

Anycrap, saw this on a car on my block, here in lovely Blue America. I'm blogging to you live from the safety of Fort Tio Jaime, your Red State Outpost in the Blue State Frontier.

I still don't get it. And now my brain hurts from trying to decode it...
Click to enlarge in new window

Perhaps I should've edited the photo, linkdump style? I wanted to put a hand-scrawled "WTF?" and and arrow pointing to the still-confusing catchphrase on the bumper sticker. But I don't seem to have a drawing program on this here ole TiBook. I'll probably download GIMP tomorrow...

Still, doesn't this sticker seem to address all of the people who promised people like me that they would leave the country if George W. Bush got elected/re-elected? We're still waiting. Instead of those stupid websites where people hold up signs apologizing to the rest of the world, how about one where people hold up signs apologizing to their fellow Americans for not leaving for Canada when they said they would?

Just more melodramatics and whining from the Left, I suppose. Like school lunches in 1995, or global cooling/warming/for-fuck's-sake-make-up-your-minds-already. Rest assured, Citizen SHoPpers, that when your Tio Jaime tells you that he's stockpiling ammunition in preparation for the Culture War turning into a shooting Civil War-- he's serious.

Although I'm not sure just how much of a war it'll be since here in the Blue State Frontier, I'm the one with the lone firearm... Are my Leftist neighbors gonna bend over and surrender France-style? I can only fit so many POW hippies-that-didn't-bother-to-grow-up in my little studio here.

As it's 3am here, I myself am now bordering on the very unintelligibility towards which I'm trying to draw your once-a-month Citizen SHoPper attention. So feel free to comment below on this post, or maybe even a post you saw on OTW Mark's page!

Yours,
Tio Jaime

<update time="0335">
OK. I did a little bit of digging on that bumper sticker, and apparently it's for some travel website? Fuckin' shit. I liked it better when it was unintelligible. However, this raises a few points:

1) Is it really a stretch of the imagination that some esoteric, Leftist website would be selling bumper stickers with a hazy, unfocused message understood only by a select, elitist cadre of five or six people?
2) Again, what kind of shitty bumper sticker requires you to find the logo/name/URL by examining the sticker at a distance of no more than two feet? Or examining it via high-resolution photo hosted on flickr.com? If it wasn't for irritable SHoP Overlords like myself, nobody would know about your fine print. Here's a freebie for next time: try a bumper sticker that says "lonelyplanet.com". Try a Courier font.
3) I bet this person not only voted for Gore and Kerry, but promised vehemently to his/her snivelling, whining Leftist comrades that he/she would be moving to Canada if Bush won. Hey shithead, your car is still on my block. Take CA-24 East to I-680 North to I-80 East to I-505 North to I-5 North through Oregon and Washington. Have fun with the metric system.
</update>

OK. This is just freakin' RAD. And some fantasy sports too...

2006-11-16T12:35:00.000-06:00

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again...

Found this on one of the linkdumps.

So it's come to this. I have to create a whole table with bgcolor=orange to get you to the random links I find
PUNCH OUT ROCK OUT MUSIC VIDEO

Although if you're a good Citizen SHoPper, you'll know that whenever your Tio Jaime says he found something on the linkdumps, it's usually pretty good. Lemme see if there's anything else out there for you...

OK, no linkdump stuff, but here's a site you should all sign up for so we can play. I've set up a League called "SixHertz House of Fantasy". My team is The Bloodpfharts and features Nancy Pelo-suck, Barbara Lee, and RINO-hottie Olympia Snowe (I've had somewhat of a hard-on for her since 1994).

Another table bgcolor=orange to grab your attention. Again, the header explaining the table will be longer than the actual link inside. Hopefully this won't be necessary a few posts down the line...
Fantasy Congress - Where People Play Politics!

Although I don't think there are drafting capabilities. I think you just pick your team and go. I'll open the league for play when I get a nice handful of teams.

OK back to work.

Tio Jaime
Comissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Go Down on a Bear, Arizona

2006-11-12T02:46:00.000-06:00

Not too good of a day here in Golden Bear Nation.

No. 8 Bears Upended By Arizona, 24-20

That's just fucking great. Yes, Cal should've been able to punch it in for a TD from one yard out after that amazing catch by Hawkins on a play-action. And really, that 4-point differential between the TD we should've had and the FG we actually got was the goddam difference in the game...

...BUT IF CERTAIN REFEREES COULD NOT FUCK UP PASS INTERFERENCE CALLS, ARI-FUCKING-ZONA WOULDN'T HAVE SCORED THE GODDAM TYING TOUCHDOWN AND THE ACCOMPANYING MOMENTUM. FUCK.

Hughes said it right. Here's an excerpt from the yahoo! sports recap...

excerpt from NCAA Football - California Golden Bears/Arizona Wildcats Recap Saturday November 11, 2006 - Yahoo! Sports
"The whole game was like plays going their way," cornerback Daymeion Hughes said. "I was like, 'Man, this can't be real.'"

Holy Fucking Shit!!! You're goddam right they got all the plays going their way! They call pass interference on Hughes... they don't call pass interference on CamelToe or whatever his stupid Wildcat-Dumbfuck name is.

That's what his shitty name is? What the FUCK is a "syndric"? At least people have heard of a "Daymeion". Not so much a "Marshawn" or a "DeSean", no, but still... Syndric? That could've passed for the name of the cybernetics company they blew up in T2.

We're not gonna blow our wad and go straight to the Cal Bandsmen angry-chat... There are a few more gems from this shitty yahoo sports article, which are making me relive the horror and shittiness that was this afternoon. Read on, Citizen SHoPper...

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...
"It has been a long day, but it ended great," said Arizona coach Mike Stoops, who has beaten four ranked opponents in three seasons. "People rushing the field at the end, that's always a good sign."

Well you're just a huge fucking genius, aren't you? How the fuck did you beat Jeff Tedford? You don't hear Tedford saying stupid shit like that. Pigfucking Whore-izona trash.

Here's Hughes weighing in on the horseshit pass interference call I referenced earlier...

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...
"That play right there was crucial," Hughes said. "That's usually a no-call. It wasn't blatant. I was just going for the football." Two plays later, Arizona tailback Chris Henry scored on a 4-yard run to tie the game at 17-17.

Go watch the tape. He didn't push off any more than CamelToe did, and actually didn't even push off first. If you genuinely believe that was pass interference, stop reading now because you don't deserve a place at the grown-up table.

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...

On the next series, Longshore hit Hawkins behind the Arizona secondary. But with no one between him and the end zone, Hawkins stumbled at about the 10 and landed at the Wildcats' 1.

Cal failed to score on two Marshawn Lynch runs and an incomplete pass and settled for a 20-yard field goal by Tom Schneider.

The most painful play came on Cal's final thrust. Longshore hit Jackson for an apparent 63-yard touchdown pass with 2:18 to play. But the score was nullified by a video review, which showed that Jackson stepped out at Arizona's 41.

No, that wasn't the most painful play. That was obvious he stepped out-of-bounds. It really was more painful to watch the anemic offense fail to score from one yard out. Three times.

THREE FUCKING TIMES.

And this leads me to my favorite quote from the article, and is a wonderful segue into the chat!

more shit from the shitty yahoo! sports recap...

Or perhaps Cal didn't make enough plays. The Golden Bears came into this game averaging 36.3 points per game, tied with Oregon for most in the Pac-10.

The Bears had the league's leading rusher, Lynch, and its most efficient passer, Longshore. But while Lynch rushed for 102 yards, the Bears never found an offensive rhythm.

"You just have these games sometimes, and it was one of those games for us," Longshore said. "It's really nobody's fault. We just couldn't get anything going."

Thought this brand of excuse-making was only particular to the Trojans? Whatever happened to the Buck Stopping Here? Oh no, fuck that...

WTF kind of leader is that?

12:20 AM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF?!? That fucking dick!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "You just have these games sometimes, and it was one of those games for us," Longshore said. "It's really nobody's fault. We just couldn't get anything going."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: if you're the fucking QUARTERBACK, then it's YOUR GODDAM FAULT
CalGlock: hahahah
CalGlock: seriously
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: WTF kind of leader is that?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody's fault? WHO THREW THE THREE FUCKING INTERCEPTIONS?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: U of A had 10 points off of those interceptions
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and oh shit, they won by 4
CalGlock: yeah, really
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nobody's fault MY ASS

No "I" in "team"... Definitely an "I" in "FAILURE".

Also, "INTERCEPTIONS".

Also, a huge fucking "I" in "HOLIDAY BOWL", isn't there?

fucking lazy oregonians
12:25 AM JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh and yay, Oregon lost to U$C CalGlock: hah CalGlock: only by A LOT JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fucking lazy oregonians CalGlock: yeah CalGlock: really JihadJimmyMWCCDF: stupid shits CalGlock: it's as if they freak out when they play good teams like us and U$C

U$C's gonna do the same exact thing to us next weekend when we mosey-on-down to the LA Coliseum to decide the Pac-10 championship... Gonna be a fucking bloodbath. Start making plans for the Holiday Bowl. But really, that's alright with me from a jilted-bandsman perspective...

these little shits don't deserve it

JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck it
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: we ain't going to the rose bowl this year
CalGlock: probably not
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's fine
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: i don't want Cal going to the Rose Bowl
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: these little shits don't deserve it
CalGlock: yeah
CalGlock: The band doesn't deserve it
CalGlock: they suck
CalGlock: ex-comm sucks
CalGlock: not while people I know are in band
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Cal can go to the Rose Bowl when my firstborn daughter is marching glockenspiel
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: then and only then
CalGlock: hehehe
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: between now and then? that's a lot of filipino glocks that have to wait
CalGlock: heheh

These little shits don't deserve it! Who paid the dues from 1997 through 2001? That was us, dude! Generation Tom. We should have free bear backer status for life. Or at least a discount. Prorate it according to the number of years Coach Tom was coaching while you were at Berkeley...

fuck Arizona, fuck these shitty referees

12:30 AM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck Arizona, fuck these shitty referees
CalGlock: yeah
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuck it all... it was easier under tom holmoe. i knew what to expect
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: when we lost? eh. no big deal. we always lose
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: when we win? holy shit, we won!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: nowadays... when we win? Well, BFD, we're supposed to win and win big
CalGlock: yeah, really
CalGlock: we're spoiled!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: exactly
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: that's why no rose bowl for us... until my daughter marches in the Tournament of Roses Parade
CalGlock: hehehe
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh shit... next saturday in the LA coliseum? we're fucked... holiday bowl here we come!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: yay!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: we're gonna lose Big Game
12:35 AM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: fuckin' stupid golden bears
CalGlock: yeah.....really

Here we were, looking ahead to U$C... now nobody's looking ahead. We're all dreading Cal-U$C next weekend. We're gonna get creamed.

Go Bears, beat the spread!
Jihad Jimmy
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

Bears in Pearls Before Swine before Swine

2006-11-10T15:44:00.000-06:00

In commemoration of the upcoming game between Cal (Tio Jaime's and LMHBrent's alma mater) and Arizona (Shiraz's alma mater), we have the following strip from OTW Mark favorite Pearls Before Swine

bodog.com is giving the wildcats an extra 14 points at home against the visiting #8 Golden Bears

I was preparing an election post, since I live a short bridge ride away from Nancy Pelo-suck's district... I got bored with it though. Let's just leave it at this...

Separated at Birth?

I like that one. It's a classic. Can be found on one of these SHoP archived posts... check em out as they all reference the future Shrieker of the House.

SHoP Talk
Democruds: If you want America to take you seriously, consider ditching Rep. Nancy Pelosi (CUNT - CA)
It's so farfetched, HFS, it's working right now as you read this!
Are you there God? It's me, Jihad Jimmy...

And then another Separated at Birth, featuring our favorite San Francisco C-bag...

Separated at Birth?

That last pair there? I was looking for one where she looked like James Cromwell (no offense, JC). Instead I found one where James Cromwell's partner there seems to fit the bill just a little bit better. What say you?

And interestingly enough, I came up with the post title before I found the Cromwell pic... I was relying on Nancy Pelo-skank to be the second "swine", but i found a pig that'll do. Heh. Ties it all in very nicely and makes me want to get a bacon sandwich.

You Make the Call! (Penis or Vagina? Edition)

2006-10-25T09:54:00.000-05:00

Real simple, Citizen SHoPpers. Watch the video at the link below, decide whether or not this person bleeds from the crotch every month or so...

Bad Day at the Lube Shop - NothingToxic.com

The nature and purpose of this post? Mainly to spread the word of a funny video. Additionally, I'm just trying to toe the SHoP Line. We're all fortunate that my buddy SixHertz doesn't watch this like a hawk nowadays...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

this is so shitty, i'm gonna go find that Pornographic Apathetic video for you... it has boobies, so you'll appreciate that

2006-10-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

What an irritating show. The only consolation is that by 3amC-ing it, and sniping it, I can go on record as being in on the ground floor that this TV show is a worthless piece of horseshit.

Finishing up some work this morning (Wednesday, about 8am) before heading up to Sacramento for training. We're staying the night in The Sac, and shit, it looks like i forgot to set my VCR for The Nine.

Well, really, I'll just catch the episode online. I gotta catch up with the other episodes too, since i fell asleep on them...

This 3amC wasn't a complete loss though, go check out the links below, one funny video which has a chick with her boobies hanging out... and this chick has an almost identical name to one of the chicks in Fri-dee Night Lights. Unfortunately, no topless chicks on this shitty NBC pukefest.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

A half-assed attempt at a 3amC of Fri-dee Night Lights

You are now in chat room "FridayNightWhoGivesAnEff."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:58:24 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:59:10 PM): OK another stupid episode of Fri-dee Night Lights
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (7:59:38 PM): and you can't tell, but i put all of the html into that last line... i don't need to go back and change it before it gets published
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:09 PM): oh whatever.... here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:27 PM): wow, they finally showed a mexi-dude
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:31 PM): took them a while
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:55 PM): dueling negroes
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:16 PM): apparently one touched the other's stereo or something
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:29 PM): looks like i don't really give a fuck
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:45 PM): aimee teagarder?!?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:04:01 PM): i just saw her in some DVD dirty shorts something or other
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:05:52 PM): hmm, looks like i didn't... but that was kinda close
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:12 PM): the chick from Fri-dee Night Lights, Aimee Teegarden
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:15 PM): http://imdb.com/name/nm1631435/
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:06:58 PM): and the funny video i saw earlier... in which is starring Annie Teegardin
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:00 PM): http://imdb.com/title/tt0422978/
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:07:30 PM): http://imdb.com/name/nm1699604/
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:35 PM): i missed something about being gay or retarded or something stupid
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:41 PM): like i really care
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:08:47 PM): ooh, the locker room was vandalized
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:09:50 PM): heh, he's talking to his dad on an iMac!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:11:08 PM): this is so shitty, i'm gonna go find that Pornographic Apathetic video for you... it has boobies, so you'll appreciate that
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:24 PM): here... from gorillamask.net
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:17:53 PM): http://www.atomfilms.com/%63ontentPlay/videoAutoPlay.jsp?id=pornographic_apathetic&refCode&brand=gm
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:25:47 PM): oh wonderful, so coach non-billy bob thornton is in effect telling the shitty-QB to take his daughter out
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:39:24 PM): took them long enough to show the mexican in freaking Texas
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:40:27 PM): i want some of my grandma's brownies
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:45:16 PM): wow, she was tellign him about the softer side of TX HS football
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:48:51 PM): i kinda like that goofy saracen guy... where's his O-Face buddy?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:38:54 PM): oh sorry, looks like i forgot to close the chat... OK until next shitty week...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Civil Engineering on a Pleasant Sun-dee Afternoon

2006-10-22T15:23:00.000-05:00

If I don't post this now, I won't get around to it until next Sun-dee. But you'll want to read this now.

New to the SHoP? Man oh man did you pick the wrong post to hop aboard with...

well, really, i don't have a pair of scissors in my studio apartment

TioJaime (1:11:25 PM): i just trimmed my pubes in my office
ProfShewseffi (1:11:33 PM): AAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
TioJaime (1:11:48 PM): granted, my door was closed, and my office is completely empty... it still felt very naughty
ProfShewseffi (1:12:10 PM): that's ok
ProfShewseffi (1:12:14 PM): one time i hated some guy
TioJaime (1:12:20 PM): uh oh
ProfShewseffi (1:12:22 PM): i felt the need to wipe my ass on his keyboard
TioJaime (1:12:32 PM): oh that's not so bad
ProfShewseffi (1:12:40 PM): that's ok
ProfShewseffi (1:12:43 PM): i had sex at the office
TioJaime (1:13:00 PM): with a girl? with a guy? with yourself?
ProfShewseffi (1:13:05 PM): girl
ProfShewseffi (1:13:12 PM): that is freaking funny james
TioJaime (1:13:19 PM): the sex or the pubes?
ProfShewseffi (1:13:20 PM): the pubes
ProfShewseffi (1:13:25 PM): you felt the need to mow your lawn at the office
ProfShewseffi (1:13:34 PM): you should sprinkle it on some ppl
TioJaime (1:13:34 PM): well, really, i don't have a pair of scissors in my studio apartment
ProfShewseffi (1:13:42 PM): HAHaHhahAHAhahahAHAHAHAHHAhaHAH
ProfShewseffi (1:13:53 PM): i should quote you
TioJaime (1:14:00 PM): just point people to my blog
ProfShewseffi (1:14:07 PM): you talked about it??
TioJaime (1:14:13 PM): no, i'll put this up on the blog
ProfShewseffi (1:14:13 PM): dood have you thought about jerking it at the office
TioJaime (1:14:21 PM): i always think about that. even at church
ProfShewseffi (1:14:23 PM): and the putting the cum in the office creamer?
TioJaime (1:14:30 PM): oh. no. that's kinda disturbing
TioJaime (1:14:42 PM): that's also why i don't drink the coffee

You can't make this stuff up. Sometimes I tell myself, ~~this is not my beautiful stapler~~ it's the Jimmy who made Berkeley Engineering so degenerate. But with buddies like Professor Shewseffi and LMHBrent, maybe it's the other way around.

It could be the Southern Californian who brings out the perverted side of Berkeley Engineering. Never thought I'd say this, but we need more Berkeley Engineers to come to the SHoP so we can figure out the Circle of Perversion.

you almost got pwnd

TioJaime (1:22:11 PM): OH SHIT THERE'S SOMEBODY IN MY OFFICE
ProfShewseffi (1:22:28 PM): what?!?!
ProfShewseffi (1:22:35 PM): YOU FUCKING TRIMMED WITH PPL THERE?!
TioJaime (1:22:55 PM): FUCK!!! one of the senior dudes came in to use the copier!!
TioJaime (1:22:59 PM): good thing my door was closed
ProfShewseffi (1:23:18 PM): you almost got pwnd
TioJaime (1:23:22 PM): oh my
TioJaime (1:23:35 PM): that would've made an even better post, though...
ProfShewseffi (1:24:14 PM): HAhaHAHAHHAHAa
ProfShewseffi (1:24:18 PM): you almost got pwnd
ProfShewseffi (1:24:19 PM): imagine that
ProfShewseffi (1:24:25 PM): you are mowing your lawn
ProfShewseffi (1:24:32 PM): and then all of a sudden while you're holding out some pubes
ProfShewseffi (1:24:39 PM): your boss walks in

Golf-Foxtrot wasn't phased at all when I told her this story. She somewhat expects this of me nowadays. I told her to check the SHoP later, as the depravity would find itself in SHoP-post form sooner or later. My only regret is that it's so far on the Later end of the spectrum, she's asleep.

She said she's quitting her job tomorrow. Could be an interesting week.

OK must sleep now. Big week ahead.

Tio Jaime

WSJ Article: Bears Dressed Up As Elephants

2006-10-20T20:00:00.000-05:00

No, this is not an article on animal-style halloween, but it definitely brought me more treat than trick as I read it. You see, both Tio Jaime and I graduated from UC Berkeley, one of the more renowned liberal campuses (campi) in this country. Needless to say, during my time there, I felt isolated in that sense (perhaps Tio Jaime did as well). So it's a breath of fresh air to read about political groups like BCR becoming more mainstream.

Go Bears! Beat 'em Huskies!

i should probably rewatch the second episode

2006-10-19T02:05:00.000-05:00

I'd post recaps for this show and also for Fri-dee Night Lights, except I just don't seem to care. Fri-dee Night Shitpile is taking a shit on itself (right now, as a matter of fact, it's Tuesday 24 October), and I keep sleeping through The Nine. Go look at the time stamps below.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Live 3am Criticism of The Nine with Tio Jaime falling asleep

You are now in chat room "TheNine."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:51:42 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:51:48 PM): about nine minutes before The Nine
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (9:52:12 PM): not that i've posted up episode two yet...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:16 PM): was gonna finish working out, but i had to take a major dump
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:01 PM): hmm i kinda fell asleep during last week's episode... i wonder if i missed anything important
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:04 PM): here we go

JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:10 PM): "what's your emergency?"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:20 PM): Hour 1, 3:07pm
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:47 PM): black chick on the move!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:57 PM): yeah right how'd she know when to move
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:06:33 PM): i should probably rewatch the second episode
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:58 PM): 13 Days Later...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:14:49 PM): people still acting weird, jimmy still left in the dark
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:24:07 PM): and teh doctor is wearing makeup
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:29:59 PM): sllowing down, falling asleep
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:57:50 PM): whoops fell asleep
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Wow, that 3amC was a lot shorter than I thought... and this episode of Fri-dee Night Pukefest is a lot shittier than i imagined it could be

wow. they're breaking up. somewhere, along the way, they forgot to try to get us to care

2006-10-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

I'm still not through all the stupid episodes of Fri-dee Night Diarrhea? I guess not.

New episode's on, gonna finish publishing this and The Nine.

And now i'm remembering how stupid this show is. But at least it has bikini chicks.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Live 3am Criticism of Fri-dee Night Lights

You are now in chat room "FrideeNightLights."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:01:39 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:02:26 PM): OK so i placed a premium on peeing over starting up the chatroom
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:23 PM): 3rd and goal from the 9
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:03:27 PM): of course they're gonna win
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:04:47 PM): wow and magically the stadium is outside his hospital windo
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:05:38 PM): Tim McGraw in Flicka!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (8:10:26 PM): right, because people in Texas drive camrys
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Live 3am Criticism of Fri-dee Night Lights, continued. Looks like the 3amC was open for The Unit as well...

8:21 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OK this sucks
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: my stupid AIM isn't working
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: you didn't miss much... just stupid HS shit under the guise of a good story
8:25 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: wow. they're breaking up. somewhere, along the way, they forgot to try to get us to care
8:35 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh hey, you're still here?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: like anybody cares
8:45 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: this is stupid
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: now they're running sprints
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: in the middle of the night
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: in the rain
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: up and down a muddy hill
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OK and now they stole this shit from that hockey movie
8:50 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: la la la, life is over, now he's dumping his hottie GF
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: stupid little shit of a girl
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: OK this is stupid too...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: "you walk home, we'll call it even"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: what a stupid TV show
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: maybe this chick will die in a car accident
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: or maybe she'll pick up the drunk and kill them both!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh just hit her
8:55 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: like nobody saw this coming? wonderful, they're kissing
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: for fuck's sake, get back to the football
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh, now they have EITS... Your Hand in Mine
9:00 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Fri-dee Night Shitfest
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: and now here's The Unit
9:05 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: unfortunately AIM still sucks
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oops, Humvee's under water
9:20 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: Ok gonna work out
11:15 PM
JihadJimmyMWCCDF: oh shit, you still here? TV tonight kinda sucked

ha ha, your BF's a cripple

2006-10-17T01:43:00.000-05:00

Posting this late. There's a new episode of Fri-dee Night Lights in about 11 minutes. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll have gone back and fixed the link to the future post.

Not that anybody reads the SHoP, let alone follows the links which I so carefully hunt the archives for, finding just the perfect SHoP post to fit the occasion.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

3am Criticism of Fri-dee Night Lights on stupid NBC

You are now in chat room "FrideeNightCrapfest."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:30:33 PM): hello dere
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:30:45 PM): this is last week's episode of Fri-dee Night Lights
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:32:45 PM): blah blah blah, stupid tv show
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:32:47 PM): SUN-DEE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:33:21 PM): wacky protestants
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:35:32 PM): FRI-DEE NIGHT LIGHTS
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:34 PM): MON-DEE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:36:39 PM): ooh cheer-chick
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:37:02 PM): ooh, UC San Diego
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:37:30 PM): (you can't tell, but that was sarcasm)
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:12 PM): great. chicks talking football to mrs. Coach
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:42:56 PM): this TV show would make a great movie if they took the chicks out
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:43:16 PM): whoa, is that tristin from Beauty and the Geek?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:48:19 PM): TUES-DEE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:48:41 PM): OK and now i'm rewinding to see who that chick was
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:48:43 PM): the pepette
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:35 PM): so far, this sucks
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:40 PM): WEDNES-DEE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:59:45 PM): oh, yeah... NBC
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:05:25 PM): THURS-DEE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:05:32 PM): oh, and that street kid won't walk again?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:05:35 PM): something like that
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:05:54 PM): he's paralyzed, will regain upper body... not his legs
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:07:32 PM): ha ha, your BF's a cripple
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:07:47 PM): and he's dumping you?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:10 PM): dumb whore
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:12 PM): DUMB WHORE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:14 PM): WHORE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:17 PM): STFU WHORE
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:41 PM): Your Hand in Mine!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:08:54 PM): go check out my myspace page for this song...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:09:10 PM): oh, Explosions in the Sky is coming to town the week after UCLA
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:17:18 PM): that was stupid
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:17:30 PM): HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT IT?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:17:34 PM): WHO'RE YOU?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:17:39 PM): that was fucking stupid
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:20:05 PM): did i miss fri-dee?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:20:16 PM): it's the cheer-skank's dad
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:20:30 PM): ooh cake
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:21:16 PM): maybe she'll choke her cripple BF w/a cookie
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:23:49 PM): Eyes Wide Open
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:23:58 PM): wonderful... what a shitty episode
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:24:16 PM): well that's shit
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:24:31 PM): they cut off the episode right as they're kicking off???
JihadJiimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.

Ya got two hours. No excuses this time.

2006-10-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

PREVIOUSLY ON THE SHoP...

I AM A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Eastmost Peninsula is the Secret
You're on the air with KJIMMY
DRY MOIST HUMP LOAF
I AM STILL A BADASS BUDDING RADIOPHILE
Take a shit on my Radio-Parade, why don't you...
BOYCOTT FREEFM 106.9 KIFR!!!
Back to the Basics...

THE FOLLOWING TAKES PLACE BETWEEN 2:00 PM AND 3:00 PM.

EVENTS OCCUR IN REAL TIME.

We're under two hours away from the Second Coming of John London's Inferno. I'm streaming a station from Pennsylvania right now, listening to D&M waiting for 4pm PDT to roll around.

Go check out these two sites, the first is the official site, the second is the forum set up back in April when this whole C-fuck began.

John London's Inferno (official site)
John London's Inferno - A Fansite for John London's Inferno

I'm on the forums. Sometimes making useful contributions, other times not. Thus is the nature of your Favorite SHoP Overlord. Go read some of the Tio Jaime posts up in the recap above (by jack bauer) for some more background info.

How about i fucking tell you how to listen to the stream? Go to the forums (the second link, the fansite) and find it there. The official site is somewhat convoluted, I think... Anyway, check it out, you'll like it. And practice the radio rebus, so i can kick your asses.

In other budding radio-phile news, I listened to Opie and Anthony this morning. Was nothing to write home about.

Tio Jaime

OK i woke up to a herpes commecial

2006-10-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

I'm a bit late with this 3am Criticism, sorry. It looks like this was before Vicetivus. But really, you won't be able to tell the difference anyway, Citizen SHoPper, because today's the 24th, and this is being published several posts below the current ones.

Not sure why i'm falling asleep during the episodes, they're only on at 10pm. Hmmm. I really should catch up with the episodes online...

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

Dual, Live 3am Criticism of Episode Two of The Nine

You are now in chat room "TheNine."
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:12 PM): hello dere
CalGlock has entered the chat room.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:20 PM): maybe i shouldn't be watching the end of Lost
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:23 PM): yo whattup
CalGlock (10:00:37 PM): I'm knitting a scarf :-)
CalGlock (10:00:45 PM): http://www.craftychickonline.com/Knit%20Star%20Scarf.htm
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:00:47 PM): sweet
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:06 PM): hey that's kinda cool
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:10 PM): ooh here we go

CalGlock (10:01:15 PM): yay!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:01:30 PM): 52 HOURS LATER
CalGlock (10:01:52 PM): such a random number
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:00 PM): or maybe it isn't...
CalGlock (10:02:17 PM): the next "42"?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:02:57 PM): "Heroes Welcome"
CalGlock (10:03:22 PM): ooohhh "Hour One"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:03:54 PM): that chick looks like a big horse
CalGlock (10:04:12 PM): ohh, the one with the crazy mother?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:21 PM): ya
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:04:35 PM): i just farted
CalGlock (10:04:39 PM): lol
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:26 PM): so far, this is better than the first episode
CalGlock (10:05:33 PM): yeah
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:05:55 PM): 11 Days Later
CalGlock (10:06:24 PM): I wonder if they're going to do a summary of each hour they spent in the bank in each episode.
CalGlock (10:06:31 PM): Oh, this is what you totally called last week.
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:07:43 PM): OK, so far this is pretty good
CalGlock (10:07:48 PM): yeah
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:01 PM): Chrissy missed the first five minutes...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:10 PM): she wanted to know what the black chick said to the white dude
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:08:18 PM): but she didn't really say anything anyway...
CalGlock (10:08:41 PM): yeah
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:09:43 PM): ooh, Ugly Betty!
CalGlock (10:09:50 PM): ghahaha
CalGlock (10:09:59 PM): is Ugly Betty any good?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:03 PM): it's a pretty cool show... check out the first two episodes online...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:10:07 PM): ya, i liked it
CalGlock (10:10:11 PM): I think I might
CalGlock (10:10:14 PM): ohh, it's starting again
CalGlock (10:10:43 PM): hahahaha
CalGlock (10:10:55 PM): I guess you can't really hide being preggy
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:11:26 PM): i like this white chick better than the horse-face chick
CalGlock (10:11:33 PM): hehe
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:12:56 PM): yeah that was subtle
CalGlock (10:13:05 PM): hahah
CalGlock (10:13:23 PM): It's Neelix!!
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:13:31 PM): LOL
CalGlock (10:13:58 PM): "HOW did you do that?"
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:18:44 PM): shiti'm falling asleep
CalGlock (10:18:55 PM): Food coma?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:29 PM): no just not enough sleep
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:33 PM): what happened? i just missd it
CalGlock (10:19:39 PM): Nick just quit
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:19:46 PM): why's that?
CalGlock (10:20:04 PM): The police department asked him to make a statement that the negotiators and stuff "did a good job"
CalGlock (10:20:56 PM): so he was like, "That's crap," and turned in his badge
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:21:14 PM): ahh OK
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:26:59 PM): i keep falling asleep
CalGlock (10:28:09 PM): ah, so the police is framing the cop now
CalGlock (10:28:34 PM): wake up!!!!!
CalGlock (10:28:43 PM): what time did you wake up this morning?
CalGlock (10:28:50 PM): better yet, what time did you go to sleep last night
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:29:01 PM): huh
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:29:11 PM): went to sleep around 2am
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:29:18 PM): got up around 630am
CalGlock (10:29:34 PM): ewww
CalGlock (10:30:48 PM): wait...having your guy be an exercise fanatic hurts your chances of having kids?
CalGlock (10:30:53 PM): bad times
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:30:56 PM): huh?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:31:03 PM): did i miss something?
CalGlock (10:31:04 PM): Channel 7 newsflash
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:31:12 PM): fell asleep, i guess
CalGlock (10:31:21 PM): drink water
CalGlock (10:33:00 PM): wow, highschools with laptops?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:33:34 PM): oh my old school does that now... so does my cousin's HS in San Jose
CalGlock (10:34:14 PM): wow. My old high school can't even afford updates books.
CalGlock (10:35:18 PM): Are you serious? They play classical music while in the operating room?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:35:37 PM): they play all kinds of music during operations... according to TV
CalGlock (10:39:01 PM): hah
CalGlock (10:39:28 PM): because TV always accurately depicts reality
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:49:25 PM): OK i woke up to a herpes commecial
CalGlock (10:50:30 PM): lol
CalGlock (10:51:11 PM): what song is this?
CalGlock (10:51:43 PM): we played this my newman year
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:15 PM): was that the security guard?
CalGlock (10:55:31 PM): the one in the bed?
CalGlock (10:55:37 PM): or the one who died?
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (10:55:39 PM): the one who just died
CalGlock (10:55:44 PM): not sure
CalGlock (10:58:35 PM): oh crap
CalGlock (10:59:58 PM): oh you can watch it again on ABC.com
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:06 PM): ya,i'll probably end up doing that
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:00:33 PM): shit, i slept through most of it
JihadJimmyMWCCDF (11:01:08 PM): OK dude, will be here next week...
JihadJimmyMWCCDF has left the chat room.
CalGlock has left the chat room.

Gooks with Nukes!

2006-10-09T11:35:00.000-05:00

Absolutely nothing of substance to say here. Just wanted to get in on the ground floor with the racial epithet humor...

I told SHoP Overlord SixHertz to post something with this post title, as I was dropping the kids off at the pool, and he had immediate internet(s) access. But then we remembered that he's the White SHoP Overlord, and I'm one of the two Oriental SHoP Overlords. So better that I do it.

If I had more time, I'd go into how I would've voted for McCain over Bush in 2000 because he was ballsy/crazy enough to use the word "gook" on the campaign trail until he retracted. And after that, I'd justify the use of "oriental" when referring to us wacky Filipinos.

Alas, no time. Must get some shit done while the state staff is out for Columbus Day.

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith

It's Saturday Morning, Citizen SHoPpers!!!

2006-10-07T11:40:00.000-05:00

Will hold off on a review of The Departed for right now, in lieu of some action in the SixHertz House of Sport. Watching Newsradio right now, gonna watch the St. Louis Cardinals sweep the San Diego Padres in a bit. Finish up my laundry, eventually head over to the Cal-Oregon game. Wasn't supposed to go, but my friend had an extra ticket so now i get to go and watch #11 Oregon play #16 Cal. Good shit.

But first, some chat...

there were alot of orientals @ the movie last night

9:05 AM
TioJaime: yo!
Rafterman: yo!
Rafterman: did you get a ticket for today's game?
TioJaime: i might have a ticket to Cal-Oregon!
Rafterman: NICE!!!
TioJaime: but i may have already promised to watch with kasha
TioJaime: gotta call her to find out
Rafterman: alright
TioJaime: and if i used the ticket, i'd have to sit w/band friends for a bit...
Rafterman: you should go
Rafterman: if you can
TioJaime: i'll just wait until the frat boys and sorority skanks around you guys leave early to go to Raleigh's
TioJaime: oh dude, go watch The Departed
Rafterman: I'll give em a gamecube and some natty ice
Rafterman: they can play amongst themselves
TioJaime: oh bro! that'd be SWEET
Rafterman: yeah, the Departed looks good
TioJaime: i watched some more of those videos from the bro rape guys...
Rafterman: I want to see the original too
TioJaime: they're pretty good
Rafterman: the Departed is based on this hong kong movie called "Infernal Affairs"
TioJaime: ya
Rafterman: supposed to be good
TioJaime: there were alot of orientals @ the movie last night
Rafterman: haha

orientals, and women who go "awwww" when beloved characters die. That's fucking annoying. Back to the football.

go bells!
9:15 AM Rafterman: wow, minnesota lost in three straight games Rafterman: http://mercextra.com/blogs/hssports/2006/10/06/bells-route-no-1-mitty/ Rafterman: go bells!

The astute Citizen SHoPper will know that one SHoP Overlord went to Bellarmine Prep, and another SHoP Overlord (or Overlady) went to the school that lost to Bellarmine.

oh dude, go bells!
Rafterman: http://mercextra.com/blogs/collegesports/2006/10/06/hey-cal-fans-i-dont-hate-your-team/ TioJaime: brb laundry 9:20 AM Rafterman: this guy pisses me off, but he's kind of right 9:25 AM TioJaime: ya TioJaime: the one comment there seems to be some disgruntled SJSU kid TioJaime: oh dude, go bells!

I just finally got around to reading the article about the Bellarmine/Mitty game. Who won that now? I forget... any idea, Local Area Blog/Internet Admin SixHertz?

And if my memory serves me correctly, Bill Frist's bill doesn't become law until President Bush signs it, according to those groovy Satur-dee morning cartoon PSAs. So here, I'm betting against my alma mater. I still want us to win, but by no more than 5.

And wonderful. The Cardinals/Padres game is on ESPN2, and Tio Jaime dun't get that channel.

Watching Terminator 2 again, gonna work out.

Tio Jaime
Commissioner, SHoP Department of Recreational Sport (Non-nude)

ps- one of my favorite lines from the movie...
John Connor: Jesus, you were gonna kill that guy!
T-800: Of course. I'm a Terminator.

Thanks for the mammaries

2006-10-06T19:50:00.000-05:00

See what happens when I post politics nowadays? OTW Mark and friedwire stop cussing at each other and calling each other names. So here's an experiment. I'm going back to posting what I know best.

Or it's just an excuse to post a movie involving two things which as a gender we men should hold dear. The Price is Right... and boobies.

I guess that makes it three things then?

Jihad Jimmy, Minister of War Crimes and Chief Defender of the Faith